BEST HALLOWEEN COSTUME

If you think your costume kicks ass and has a legit shot to win at the party you are attending tonight well then just hope this guy doesn't show up. Fast forward to the :30 second mark...

Video HT: ExtraMustard

ARKANSAS SHOT THEIR WAD

Leave it up to Lee Corso to send us into the weekend. Who knows what else will cum out of his mouth this week...

TROJANS VS DUCKS: MAY THE BEST POON WIN

I feel kind of bad leaving out the left coast when it comes to talk about Poon because let's be completely honest: The West is the Best. Sure the property values are overpriced and 95% of the people are fake but the Poon just sizzles out there. Tomorrow we get the battle of the Pac-10's best teams in USC and Oregon in Autzen Stadium. Oregon is the only undefeated Pac-10 team at 4-0 and have recovered remarkably since their horrific start on the blue turf in Boise State. In fact they finished dismantling a team in Washington 43-19 who just happened to hand the Trojans their only loss of the season. The overrated and undisciplined Pete Carroll-led squad again have a chance to make pollsters completely forget about the Trojans shitting the bed against a bad Washington squad early in the season by coming in to Eugene and laying a hurting on the Ducks. Personally I think it's about time the Trojans got exposed. My prediction is Oregon 27 USC 17. But that is beside the point of the original point. The Poon. Let's take a look.

USC is well represented of course:






Oregon brings it back with a vengeance of mean Poon:






You can vote by leaving your comments below. I'm at a crossroads. Fuck it. I'm throwing a curve and going with Ashley...

WORLD'S BIGGEST COCKTEASE..I MEAN COCKTAIL PARTY TOMORROW

The Georgia Bulldogs enter tomorrow's contest with the Florida Gators on an obvious down note. Their defense has played shitty all season thanks to the "imaginative" schemes Willie Martinez has drawn up. They currently sit at 4-3 and the natives in Athens are getting restless with even some loyal fans aka assclowns calling for Richt's head. The Gators on the other hand are still undefeated despite playing sloppy football for over a month and come in #1 in the country thanks to Urban Meyer and the Gator's defense. Notice how he kept Tebow out of the discussion. It's for good reason. He isn't having a good season and it baffles me how people still have them in their top 3 for the Heisman. We all think we know who is going to win tomorrow. Florida. Duh. But the real question is who wins the battle of the Ta-Ta's. You decide in the comments section. Pictures are courtesy of one of the greatest blogs ever invented. I'm talking of course about the Poon of the SEC...

Your representative from Gainesville:


Your representative from Athens:


You decide who has the better rack. Comments below.

HEIDI KLUM CAN MAKE ANYTHING LOOK SEXY

WWTDD has the complete gallery of these new photos of milf Heidi Klum from her new book "Waiting for Fairchild" in which only her sweet self can make chocolate look this good...


No worries guys, she obviously wipes up and down (repeat)....


Call me old fashion but I'm more of a fan of the airbrushed topless look with some tight leather pants look. See that look in her face. It's the "Seal is just the appetizer for you Fairchild" eyes that haunt me. I see it all the time.


And I will leave you with the never gets old hair of the boobs trick. Oh what a tease. Can you imagine after three kids a woman still looking this hot? Seal is one lucky bastard. The crazy part is you know he is probably tired of banging her. Excuse me while I go swallow these horse tranquilizers.

THE BUTTON

I saw a preview for the new Cameron Diaz movie called "The Button" where she is presented with an interesting dilemna: push the button and you get 1 million dollars but somebody has to die. I looked at my wife, god bless her innocent soul, and said "fuck it, I would push the button as long as I don't know the person!" Does that make me a bad person or just a realistic one? A million dollars would be awfully helpful right now because I ain't selling diamonds here, I'm selling fucking t-shirts for dirt cheap.

I was going to post the preview of the movie here to let you judge it yourself but I found this one a lot more interesting than seeing Diaz age very ungraceful like...

The Button - watch more funny videos

So what would you do? To push the button or not, that is the question.

CLIFF LEE BASICALLYS SAYS PHUCK THE YANKEES

Cliff Lee was brilliant last night pitching a complete game in Game 1 of the World Series and showing the New York Yankees and their fans he can do pretty much anything...even behind his back...

Lee finished the night giving up only 6 hits (3 of them to JeTAH!) while striking out 10 batters (3 of them to A-Roids!) and walking nobody. He was so smooth and in command that you could hardly tell if he actually cared to be out there. Take for instance this catch while Tim McCarver narrates in annoying fashion as always...


Yep, ho hum. The Philadelphia Phillies looked dominant last night with Chase Utley hitting two bombs off of C.C. Sabathia and the Phillies knocking in some runs of a bad Yankees bullpen to finish a 6-1 win in Game 1. Tonight we have AJ Burnett pitching for the pinstripes against some guy named Pedro Martinez. You may have heard of him. The Phillies saved their bullpen in anticipation of going to it quickly tonight if Pedro throws 6 innings which would give manager Charlie Manuel his first chub in over a decade.

In the battle of Broad Street vs. Wall Street the series could be over quickly if Pedro pitches like his old self and Burnett fizzles. I don't see it happening. I think the Yankees bats awaken tonight to take game 2 but I still think the Phillies will win the series in 6 games.

PHUCK THE YANKEES SHIRTS AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE HERE:

GOLDEN TATE: GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH

With all the talk surrounding Jimmy Clausen and the Heisman I figured why not give the most dynamic receiver in the country a little pub. His name is Golden Tate and he continues to remind me of Steve Smith of the Carolina Panthers. His hands have death grips and his balance and leg strength make it almost impossible for a sole defender to bring him down. He was just recently named one of 10 semifinalists for the Biletnikoff Award which goes to the top wide receiver in the country. Right now he is on pace for nearly 90 catches and 1500 yards receiving to go along with 16 TD's. His pace would put him at the top of the greatest receiving year for a Notre Dame football player. He has simply been Golden since Michael Floyd went down with the collarbone injury. I pray he stays for his senior season. Same with Clausen. 2010 would be off the charts with those two back for their senior seasons.

DOUCHEBAG SOLIDARITY

It's not about you or me, it's about the douchebags out there. This video almost brought tears to my eyes. Or maybe that was the excess AXE spray.

JONATHAN DWYER WILL STING YA!

Video HT: WithLeather

The Yellow Jackets won in Charlottesville for the first time since 1990 (the last time Tech won a NC) thanks to this stellar run by all-world back Jonathan Dwyer. Tech as a team ran for over 360 yards and with the win combined with the Miami loss to Clemson they now sit in the driver's seat of the ACC Coastal division at 5-1. If they can win their last two ACC games against Wake Forest and Duke they will have a great opportunity of reaching their first ever BCS Bowl game.

Which brings us to this question: How in the hell did Georgia Tech manage to scoop up Paul Johnson? I mean think about it, a program like Nebraska had an opportunity to get this guy and instead picked Bo Pelini. Johnson has to be considered one of the top 5 coaches in the college game right now. The scary part is he doesn't even have his full compliment of players who fit his offensive style in The Flats yet. Nesbitt is a good quarterback but could you imagine the Tech triple option if they had somebody like Tony Rice, Tommy Frazier or Pat White running it? They would be unbeatable.

PURPLE JESUS RUNS OVER GAY

Adrian Peterson absolutely owned William Gay of the Pittsburgh Steelers on this play but Gay and his teammates got the last laugh as the Steelers hung on with two huge defensive touchdowns to beat the previously unbeaten Vikings 27-17. Peterson will probably get a letter from the Rainbow Coalition in regards to the Gay bashing he displayed here. Come to think of it I will more than likely get an email now from some sensitive fruit in regards to this joke.

PHUCK THE YANKEES SHIRT

We know how much Philly fans love New York so we figured what the hell, let's do a shirt for the Fall Classic. So here it is, the Phuck the Yankees shirt. We are taking orders now and the shirts will start shipping this Wednesday.

DRUNK GUY IN CONVENIENCE STORE

You could put video of baby seals getting clubbed but as long as there is the Benny Hill theme song playing in the background then everything is shits and giggles. Check out this video from Hot Clicks....

BLAST FROM THE PAST: KATARINA WITT

Katarina Witt, the German Olympic Gold Medalist figure skater, shows she still has that extra special something to make everything right in the world. At least in my world. This is the type of side Steve Phillips should be getting.

THE WORST SLUMPBUSTER EVER

According to The Big Lead the thing on the left has a name of Brooke Hundley, an ESPN employee who Steve Phillips was fucking on the side and what has ultimately cost him his marriage and job.

I knew Phillips was a bad ex-GM for the New York Mets but seriously dude, how the fuck do you pick that? The guy is going to loss hundreds of thousands of dollars in divorce because he wanted to go hogging. Don't get me wrong, hogging is a national past time for slumping ball players and/or Spring Break in Panama City but Phillips managed to pick out the worst one ever.

Apparently the "girl" had sex with Phillips three times which he has admitted to and can even identify some birthmarks around his cock and balls. She pulled a Fatal Attraction by showing up to his house and revealing the porking to Phillip's wife. His wife would probably just wished he fucked some random guys in park bathrooms instead of fucking Rosie O'Donnell's little sister.

GEORGIA TECH FANS TEAR DOWN GOALPOSTS

Now this is what college football is all about. You don't see this shit in the NFL. The passion is unmatched. Georgia Tech students and fans tore down the goalposts last weekend after their upset of then #4 Virginia Tech at Bobby Dodd. They took the goalposts out of the stadium and dispensed of them on the lawn of the GT president. Fucking awesome. This is what I thought for sure I would be doing last week up in Notre Dame. The dream would have become a reality if Jamoris Slaughter or Sergio Brown were starting at free safety.

By the way, how do people including myself not mention GT coach Paul Johnson as one of the top 5 coaches in the game. Seriously. Everyone mentions Urban, Saban, Carroll, Stoops, etc. but it seems like Johnson's name doesn't ever come up. The guy is a winner. He took Navy to 10 wins seasons after leaving Georgia Southern with National Titles in hand and now he has the Yellow Jackets in a position to make a serious run for a BCS Bowl game.

Of course now that I said it I probably jinxed them. They got a big game this Saturday in Charlottesville in a stadium they haven't won since 1990, the last time they won the National Title. Al Groh's teams play great ball in October and this year they are 3-0. It should be a close battle. Right now Tech sits as a 6 point favorite but I bet this game comes down to a field goal.

Video HT: The Big Lead via WizofOdds.

MARIANO RIVERA'S CUTTER MORE A SPITTER

I think it is pretty much obvious that Mariano Rivera was doctoring the ball yesterday against the California Angels. I haven't seen that much saliva since watching a Jenna Jameson girl-on-girl sequence. It should be amusing to see how the New York media treats this "cheating" since they tore apart A-Roids for his drug use. The Angels wound up winning yesterday from what I have heard. Don't ask me for any insight because I've been paying as much attention to the MLB Playoffs as the Balloon Boy coverage. I just read the Phillies won too. Wow. I. Am. So. Excited. A Yankees vs. Phillies matchup in the Fall Classic will be so epic nobody outside of those two miserable fan bases will watch it.

Just curious, but do any of you find what Mo Rivera did to be cheating? To me it's like rubbing the ball in the dirt.

28 DRINKS LATER

28 Drinks Later - watch more funny videos

This is essentially how I feel after getting back late last night from Chicago. Everything about my trip to Notre Dame was great except for the final score. We did shots at Knute Rockne's grave site, I got into the player's locker room and I touched the Play Like A Champion Today sign. You can't beat that shit. I met Joe Theismann, Michael Floyd, Golden Tate, Armando Allen, Jimmy Clausen, Rocket Ismail, and a cast of others while partying on what some people consider a dry campus. Trust me, it the furthest thing from a dry campus. I touched the grass on the field, went through the tunnel and was right there when the final pass went incomplete to Duval Kamara because he slipped. The game only reconfirmed what I already knew: the Irish defense stinks but the offense is led by the best quarterback in the nation in Jimmy Clausen and it kept them in the game. I know that the Heisman comes down to wins and losses but anyone who doesn't think Jimmy isn't by far the best QB in the college game today needs to have their head checked. He was pressured all day and took cheap shots from a fast Trojan defense and still had the chance at the end of the game to win it for the double digit underdogs.

The team fought all day and could have called it in when they were down by 20 in the 4th quarter but they didn't. I credit Charlie Weis for calling a great game. Yes, I said it, Charlie's playcalling was brilliant all day. The Trojan defense is that good and they still managed to put a ton of points on the board. The fake field goal was unbelievable. Robby Parris and Golden Tate (is there a more dynamic receiver in the game today?) came up with huge, clutch grabs. One more play and who knows, we might be talking about an Irish victory.

This season has become a mirror image of 2005. Last second losses to a team from Michigan and USC and if they had any form of defense they would easily be undefeated right now. It is what it is. Even with the defense Notre Dame is a top 15 team. They just need to win out starting with Boston College this week to prove it.

And to any of the voters out there who think USC still has a legitimate shot at reaching a BCS Championship game all I can say is NO. A good defense can shut those guys down especially if they don't have a free safety who bites every single time on play action on third and long. USC will lose at least another game.

If only ND had a defense. Fuck. Oh well, there is always next year. If Jimmy and Golden come back the offense is not going to skip a beat and should be even better with the likes of Michael Floyd, Kyle Rudolph, and Armando Allen all back. The recruiting should be excellent with Charlie still in charge. In case you were wondering the only way I want to replace Charlie is if Urban Meyer comes knocking on the door. I don't see it happening. He is too busy blowing Tim Tebow.

GOLF QUESTION

My buddy Chuck is getting married next Saturday (same time as the ND-Boston College game..bastard) and I've been put in charge of finding a tee time for 7-8 guys for next Thursday. Does anybody know of a place around Atlanta that has discount group rates? Hell, I will give the golf course some free advertising for a year on Sportscrack if they can hook us up. The free advertising alone would make up for all the empty beer cans and hooker spit left on the 18th green.

Either send me an email at matt@sportscrack.com or put your suggestion below in the comment box. Which ever suggestion is the best gets a free Sportscrack shirt.

TO ALL YOU ND HATERS: I THREW IT ON THE GROUND!

Andy Samberg - I Threw it On The Ground - watch more funny videos

I've got my shit packed and ready, waiting to board my flight to Chicago in what should be an epic weekend up in Notre Dame. I don't want to hear all the negative bitches about how USC is going to throttle Notre Dame with their speed and their talent because I just threw that shit on the ground Man! Jimmy Clausen will be throwing all over USC's overrated defense and Golden will have at least 3 or 4 plays where you look at your bud and say "Holy Shit!" It's time to wake up those echoes in Rock's House and I fully expect a loud and insane crowd especially when USC has the ball on offense. You can expect to see my ugly mug on the field as soon as the final whistle blows on Saturday because the Fighting Irish are going to win. There are no more excuses. Notre Dame has the starting talent to compete with USC. They may not have the depth yet but I don't expect to see 3rd and 4th stringers in this game for either team. In a close battle Jimmy and the Fighting Irish will come out on top. 10.5 underdogs at home! I just threw that shit on the ground man!

Early, pre-drunk stupor prediction: Notre Dame 31 USC 28


Big props go out to Dave Bregrande, ND grad, for designing the shirt above. I think it's one of our best yet. If anybody you know is looking for an independent graphic designer/illustrator you can contact Dave at UseDave.com