TWINS TRADE SANTANA TO METS

Well I be damn, the Mets stepped up and got themselves a #1 starter ace in the prime of his career. According to the USA Today the Minnesota Twins have reached an agreement to deal star pitcher Johan Santana for four minor league Met's prospects. There are some logistics to the deal which need to be hammered out before it is done...

The deal is pending the Mets and Santana reaching agreement on a six- or seven-year contract extension and that Santana passes a physical; they have been granted a 48 to-72-hour window to do so. Santana has a no-trade clause that he will waive if agreement is reached on a contract extension.

The Mets paid a high price in prospects to land Santana, agreeing to send the Twins outfielder Carlos Gomez and pitchers Phil Humber, Deolis Guerra and Kevin Mulvey.

No need to worry Twins or Mets fans, the deal should go down because the Twins don't have a jackass owner like Peter Angelos screwing with the front office. The Mets needed an ace bad and I can't think of a better one than Santana at this moment. I hate to say it but I think this makes the Mets the favorite to win the NL East next year. Santana should be good for at least 18 wins in the less talented National League. Also he will have a way better lineup backing him up at Shea than he ever had pitching in Hefty Bag Stadium.

The Twins pick up 4 good prospects with Gomez having the highest ceiling according to most scouts. I am a bit surprised the Twins couldn't get the Met's #1 prospect in Fernando Martinez. But it appears on paper they found a replacement for Tori Hunter in Gomez who should start right away in the outfield. Humber, Guerra, and Mulvey are all quality young arms who were all rated as top 10 prospects in the Met's organization.

UPDATE: Peter Gammons was just on ESPNews Breaking News Update and said "his sources" told him Santana was traded to the Mets. Of course he gave no credit to USA Today for actually being the source. He also mumbled some garbage about Erik Bedard and Brian Roberts being traded by the end of the week. Okay old timer, go take a nap after you remove Theo Epstein's penis from your mouth.

MY NEW HAIRCUT

I just watched this for the first time and I can't get over it. The world needs smooth talkers like this so all of us ugly people can get some once in a while. Or prostitution. Whatever floats your boat.

PLEASE DON'T LET THIS BE TRUE

Talks between the Seattle Mariners and the Orioles about a trade involving ace pitcher Erik Bedard are at a standstill.

A source familiar with the negotiations said a potential deal is being held up on the Orioles' end and unspecified complex issues still need to be resolved for the trade to go through. One of those might be Orioles president of baseball operations Andy MacPhail getting the approval of club owner Peter Angelos.

Just another terrible soul wrenching day to be an Orioles fan. Actually make it a decade. I don't know if it's completely true but it appears Peter Angelos, aka Lucifer, is again putting his slimy fingers around the Orioles organization and allowing them to sink even further into the AL East abyss. I have tried to stay away from the Bedard trade talks for the past month because there have been so many rumors and innuendo about where he was going and what he was going to bring back in trade. But this trade scenario between the O's and the Mariners seemed to be all wrapped up and ready for the dickface owners stamp of approval and yet 48 hours later we still have no deal.

If you are not an Orioles fan you might not get the shit we have to go through every season with Angelos as the owner. We have the best ballpark in the game yet we have one of the worst teams on the field because Angelos interferes more often than Michael Irvin does blow. The O's have a trade set in place with the Mariners in which Bedard who is going to leave for free agency after the 2009 season anyways goes to Seattle in exchange for an up and coming stud CF in Adam Jones and 4 other pitchers(relief pitcher George Sherrill, right-handed minor leaguers Chris Tillman and Kam Mickolio, and left-handed minor leaguer Tony Butler).

Point blank: The O's need this trade to build more high end depth in their minor league system. Whether or not they still have Bedard is not going to make them a playoff contender this coming up season. In fact they will be extremely lucky if they don't finish last in the AL East with their current roster. So trading Bedard right now while he is a hot commodity for some young elite talent is essential for the O's in the long run because they are not going to contend this season. But Angelos is apparently balking at the deal that new GM Andy MacPhail set in place with the Mariners.

This is why everyone in Baltimore hates his guts. As astute of a lawyer and a businessman as Angelos clearly is(you don't get as many hundreds of millions by pure luck) he is equally diluted with horrible baseball sense. He should let the people he hires to make the baseball decisions do their jobs. MacPhail is a well respected baseball mind who knows what he is doing. At least I hope he does. Anyways, the O's need to reload in young talent and MacPhail started the plan with the Miguel Tejada trade which brought back 5 younger players to fill holes. He is stocking up quality arms and now hopefully quality position players in order for the O's to be a contending ball club for 2010 and beyond. I repeat the O's will not contend this year or in 2009 with their current roster. But they can in the future if they make this trade with Seattle and then trade Brian Roberts to the Cubs. That is a whole other conversation.

So I am down on my knees begging Angelos to get his ugly head out of his disgusting ass and let this trade happen. Don't be an asshole Peter, do the right thing is what the dwindling hundreds of thousands of Oriole fans want. Make it right and sign off.

Or die... whatever.

LEBRON JAMES ISN'T AN OSCAR THE GROUCH FAN

I really can't blame Lebron for taking out his frustrations on a trashcan after losing a close one to Phoenix. His teammates are garbage. Expensive garbage. Lebron was clearly stating he hates his mates by kicking the trashcan which represents the way they play every single night. Or maybe Oscar the Grouch really freaked him out as a kid.

Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing

The Most Ridiculous Super Bowl XLII Props

Go check out VegasWatch for some of the best props to bet on for the Super Bowl. One of my favorite ones is this:

3. Who will the MVP of the Game thank first? (Bodog)
Teammates, 2:1
God, 5:2
Family, 2:1
Coach, 5:1
Doesn't thank anyone, 6:1

So what happens if Randy Moss wins the MVP? Actually I sincerely hope he does for the entertainment value. I could just see him looking into the FOX camera and smiling his big million dollar grin. And then with a subtle break and a single tear slowly trickling down he breaks out a British accent and gives us a profound statement like this: "I want to thank that lady down in Florida for getting me focused and making me work that much harder to prove to the world that athletes should not be victims of erroneous charges but instead should be embraced by society and served pudding from stripper's nipples without negative connotations."

But of course none of this will happen because the New York Giants are already flying the accuser, Rachelle Washington, in for the game to roam the sidelines thus forcing Moss to stay in the locker room due to the temporary restraining order which states he must stay away from her at least 500 feet at all times. Of course Tom Brady would come to the rescue by firing a pigskin right into her temple. Remember people that Brady is the ultimate team player and wants his immortal 4th championship.

BRADY ANDERSON: PLAYER ON THE INTERNET

As if Baltimore Orioles baseball couldn't get any more embarrassing with meddling owner Peter Angelos still reigning over a franchise without a winning season in a decade, now they have to deal with old stars picking up chicks on the internet. According to the always reliable and accurate TMZ.com they have a friend of a TMZ employee who hooked up with Brady Anderson through the internet. It really isn't a big deal since millions of Americans are hooking up using the web these days but I must admit it is pretty funny that a former MLB star needs to send a picture of his abs to seal the deal. I guess this proves Brady isn't gay.

GEORGIA BULLDOGS PICK UP RB FOR 2009

It looks like a lot of the dominoes are starting to fall now for the 2009 class even with a week left before the 2008 class signs. The Georgia Bulldogs picked up a huge commitment today from ECI running back Washaun Ealey. Only a junior this past season, Ealey knows how to get in the endzone.

ECI running back Washaun Ealey, who scored 58 touchdowns last season, committed on Monday, and so did teammate Dexter Moody, according to Scout.com.

Ealey’s touchdown mark broke the record of 46 set by former Buford and Notre Dame standout Darius Walker. Ealey rushed for 2,982 yards last season, third-most in state history, and was named the AJC’s player of the year.

“He’s a blue-chip, the best high school player I’ve ever seen,” Emanuel County Institute coach Milan Turner said last year.

58 Touchdowns! Dear god that is simply disgusting and if you think of all the talent in the Peach State it really says something that Ealey was picked as the Player of the Year as only a junior. Picking up a tailback with the enormous talent of Ealey was paramount for Coach Richt and his staff. Even though a lot of people think of Knowshon Moreno as a freshman he in fact was redshirted in 2006 which means if he has a big year in 2008 as many have predicted he can enter the NFL Draft. The Bulldogs back up to Moreno next year will be another stud with Caleb King getting a chance to shine. Like Moreno King redshirted his first year on campus.

CARL PREDICTS GIANTS BY 23

Who am I too argue the great philosopher known to the world as "The Hot Carl." Speaking of Tiki Barber I saw him this weekend at the NHL All-Star game. He was drunk and blabbering how Eli can't win shit and that Tom Coughlin loves little boys and has a fetish where he tickles Michael Strahan tell he starts crying for him to "Stop." Tiki is a dick! I say all this because he refused to acknowledge the power of the Sportscrack. Don't mess with a blogger who holds grudges Tiki!

NEW NIKE SUPER BOWL COMMERCIAL

It's called Run and for the first time you can view it here exclusively on Sportscrack and a million other blogs run by drunks with tiny penises...

By tiny penis I mean huge enormous man snake of course. Why would I have a tiny member? Just because girls laugh at it doesn't mean nothing. My catholic priest has admired it since I was a little boy. Woops, too much information. Monday's suck ass by the way.

BIG EAST CONFERENCE PRANK CALL

"I was wondering if you have ever placed your balls on one of your player's chin"-PRICELESS. I love shit like this when people prank call these coaches shows. They are so boring in the first place we might as well spice them a little bit. If somebody can get me some info on the new DickRod and Urban Liar show I would love to call into those and assault them with some funny one-liners.

Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing

THE GREATEST TOMLINSON MCFARLANE FIGURINE YET

I know figurines are for children but this LT one hits home for me. Last week I could not believe what my eyes were seeing with LT just sitting on the bench and not trying to play in the biggest game of his career against the hated New England Patriots. Some people say he was seriously hurt and would just be hindering the Chargers if he decided to play. I say he is a gigantic pussy afraid of failure and will never be a Hall of Fame player in my book. When is the last time LT put a team on his shoulders and carried the Chargers to a win? I'm talking a meaningful win. Never.

Anyways you can contribute to the LT Swollen Vagina Fund by buying one at this link.

Hurry, only 2 left!

BEER OF THE WEEK

Since I love to drink and try new beers almost as much as Van Gorder loves to change jobs I figured I would do a new feature of the week for Sportscrack fans. Last night while eating at Taco Mac I tried a new beer called Rogue Juniper Pale Ale. On a scale of 1-10 I would highly recommend trying it, giving it a 8.5. If you live in the Atlanta area I recommend going to Taco Mac and trying it. Currently it is their beer of the month and if you happen to hit it up on a Thursday you get a free pint glass with purchase. Just to let you know how my beer scale works I consider the best beer to be NewCastle Brown Ale. I could live off NewCastle and I'm hoping someday they come out with the mini draught keg like Heineken currently stocks. I would literally buy at least ten of those little fuckers and store them for future late night shenanigans. The worst beer is tough because frankly I have had so many. Busch Light is liquid diarhea in my opinion. Seriously, I used to drink 30 packs of that stuff in college and would have the squirts for days. What a second, the absolute worst beer is Milwaukee's Best Ice. "The Beast" as they call it is an instant hangover. So I will say "The Beast" is a 1 whereas NewCastle is the bomb at a 10.

Anyways, Rogue Juniper Pale Ale goes down very smooth and is not overly bitter. A golden ale color tint and the sweet taste of this fine nectar will leave you thirsting for more. I had two but I could of drank 12 easily if my parole officer wasn't such a dickhead. It's brewed in Oregon by the way and the original name used to be called Yellow Snow. Trust me it doesn't taste like dog piss. Unless dog pee tastes like this Rogue then I'm going to have to bottle Soco and Bailey's(my two labs) hoppy piss and start a new business. So go get you want this weekend and tell me what you think. Also feel free to leave any comments about beers you recommend below in the comments section.

Have a great weekend and please take a load off and grab a beer or 40 and cheer life for it is so sweet! And if your significant other starts giving you shit about farting and burping while you drink tell her it's just natural...

HOLY EFFING COCK AND BALLS

I just got the best present a man could get other being born with an enormous floppy. I'm talking NHL All-Star game tickets mofo!!! And not just any tickets, I'm going to get to sit in a suite with free booze and food. Fear and Loathing among the greatest toothless skilled hockey players in the world. All thanks to my wonderful fiance.

I'm bouncing off the fucking walls right now. I can't wait to see Ilya Kovalchuk and Alexander Ovechkin tear it up on the same line and see them rip some shots in the skill competition. And in case you were wondering hockey is still an official sport with actual players who get paid millions of dollars to beat the shit out of each other on a thin sheet of ice. Plus you don't have to feel sorry for anybody getting hurt because most of them are Canadian. Those beady little eyes with their hockey sticks...

BRIAN VAN GORDER NAMED REALTOR OF THE YEAR

The man of a thousand coaching jobs the past 5 years, none other than the stache himself, new Atlanta Falcons defensive coordinator Brian Van Gorder has been named Realtor of the Year according to Gata.com. Not only has Van Gorder managed to change jobs more often than Lindsay Lohan blows guys for movie roles, but he has also distinguished himself as a real estate agent's wet dream the past 5 years. Since 2002 Van Gorder has moved from Athens as the defensive coordinator for the Bulldogs to Jacksonville for a NFL defensive assistant coaching job. Of course Jacksonville bored the shit out of him so he moved onto Statesboro to be the head football coach at Georgia Southern. After a successful run of nearly destroying a great football program in Statesboro he moved back to the NFL to take an assistant job working with the Atlanta Falcons. But Van Gorder decided he just wasn't cut out to be a linebacker's coach for the Falcons after "only one season(due in large part with sharing the same values of Bobby Petrino) and accepted a position in Columbia, SC to be the new DC for the Gamecocks. After accepting the job and moving his family to Columbia Van Gorder decided college life was the place he wanted to stay for good:

A month ago, VanGorder declared to the Journal-Constitution: "I'm a college guy." When asked if he was sure, he replied, "I've declared. I'm committed."

"I'll enjoy all the things about college football that I always have and I won't look back at the NFL," VanGorder said in December.

"That's something I've put behind. I'm ready to finish my career as a college football coach."

But it doesn't end there for the Realtor of the Year as today Van Gorder decided to come back to Atlanta and be the defensive coordinator for the Falcons after only three weeks on the job in Columbia. But wait a second, "I thought the stache decided the college game was his cup of tea," you ask?

Apparently not. I guess Arthur Blank got his wish in Van Gorder who seems to be a lot more stable than Petrino when it comes to switching jobs. So here is to you Van Gorder as the Realtor of the Year. You alone have kept real estate in the South booming despite all the foreclosures. May your stint be shorter than a Mexican hooker!

Link HT: Gata.com

CLEMSON ADDS TWO BIG RECRUITS

The Tigers apparently can smell blood when it comes to ACC recruiting. Already possessing a top 10 class, Tommy Bowden bolstered a strong group securing commitments from OL Kenneth Page and DT Brandon Thompson. Both are considered top 10 players at their position.

Page is a highly regarded offensive guard prospect from in state and picked the Tigers over Notre Dame, Tennessee, and North Carolina.

"I can't say they were the leaders all along. But in the end, they pulled it out. I see Clemson doing great things."

Reportedly Page's final decision came between Clemson and Notre Dame but staying near home is always a major factor to a recruit's decision along with Clemson being a favorite to win the ACC Championship next season.

Thompson is a beast on the defensive line and delivers good "pop" when coming out of a 3 point stance. Very athletic for his size(6'2, 292 lbs.), Thompson was heavily recruited by all the major programs including LSU, Georgia, and Ohio State. Out of Thomasville, GA, pulling a high end talent like Thompson out of state is a major coup for Bowden and his coaching staff. Pairing up Thompson with early enrollment DE DaQuan Bowers, the #1 rated defensive player in the country according to Rivals.com, on the defensive line could be a potentially hazardous if not deadly force to hit the college football landscape in a long time.

With 22 commitments and 6 already enrolled, Clemson has secured at least a top 15 but could move up to the 7 or 8 mark if they continue to finish strong and sign all their current commits.

DANA JACOBSON KNOCKING DOWN SOME BELVEDERE VODKA

Now that is all class right there. I've heard once you start taking shots of Vodka your balls will drop. I think we can all safely say Jacobson's manbags fell a long time ago.

Picture HT: Deadspin via Baseball Musings

UPDATE: Jacobson never said "F@#* Jesus" according to the Press of Atlantic City article published today. So she only hates Notre Dame and not the Lord himself. Oh yeah, she also is one of Hartford's most eligible bachelors. If you are looking for a lady with an adam's apple as big as her balls well then you found the right person.
Link HT: The Big Lead

AUSTRALIAN WOMEN'S FINAL SPANKING..UM OPEN SET

So there is a reason why God invented tennis after all! The Australian Open Women's final will match the two sexiest women on the tour with Ana Ivanovic squaring off against Maria Sharapova.

Some of you, oh hell, probably all of you don't know that I have actually met both in person before. No, not between the sheets only because I don't date tall women. I actually work tennis tournaments selling the official merchandise when I'm not blogging(I know tennis is gay, trust me I know this already) but one of the perks of being one of the official sponsors is getting to go to the Player parties. Free booze and food with a bunch of foreigners is basically what it is like. Trust me I'm not complaining. Anyways I got to meet Maria Sharapova a few years back in San Diego while me and a buddy were setting up shop for one of the upcoming tournaments. First thing you notice is she is a very good looking person with a very athletic and tone body obviously. The second thing you notice is how freaking tall she is. I'm talking Rebecca Lobo tall. But the third thing you notice and I'm sure it probably doesn't matter to a lot of men out there but it sure as hell bothered me...she has horrible B O. It's like a mixture of dead fish and Clorox. Withstanding the smell I got a picture with her and chatted shortly and she seemed like a real nice girl with horrific body odor. So I wondered if I caught her on a bad day. We all have those days when we smell like a hobo covered in whiskey. I call it confession while some others may call it being hungover. But getting on with it I somehow forgot about the B O until I was working a tournament down in Delray Beach, FL. I started talking with one of the linesman who I run into all the time at these events and he mentioned how Sharapova's nickname on the Tour is "Stinky." He tells me that the chair umpire can smell her disgusting funk while she is sitting during change overs. I'm not bullshitting either. He tells me all the linesmen, women included, can not stand to be around here because her smell brings back memories of salt n vinegar chips. So basically I can't even imagine what kind of stink is down you know where.

So in the one corner you have the hot "Stinky" and in the other corner you have Ivanovic. I have no good stories about Ivanovic other than she blows, I say this with as strong of conviction as possible, better yet destroys Sharapova in the looks and smell department. Maria smells like a cumdumpster but Ana smells like an angel. There really is no comparison. It's like trying to compare Joe Montana to Dan Marino. Sure they are both extremely talented Hall of Fame QB's but Montana always had that "It." Ivanovic has "It" in all the good ways. Everything from the naked eye is good from head to toe on Ivanovic.

But yeah, Sharapova's stinks. So tell me now, after hearing of Maria's funky smell, who you rooting for in the Australian Open?

Exactly.

CONTINUED GOOD SEX TO YOU TOO!

I have no idea who the coach is or the announcer but it makes for great television when somebody screws up like this. The last thing I have on my mind after watching 7 foot dudes play basketball is sex. That and the Ellen Degeneris show totally ruin it for me.

Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing

ADDING SOME CRACK TO SPORTS

I'm sorry if you have a weak stomach and I know it's still a little early to see kids cracking bones but I have earned the right to post this video. Considering I have two rods and 21 screws in my left leg from a football injury more than two years ago gives me the right to post card. I feel bad for the kid of course. Hopefully he doesn't take a long time to recover from it like Alabama WR Tyrone Prothro. Okay, with that being said I'm going to go throw up now.

USC LANDS 2009 #1 RECRUIT MATT BARKLEY

USC continued their west coast stranglehold on football recruiting yesterday by securing the commitment of the #1 player in the 2009 class in Matt Barkley. Barkley is a 6'3 quarterback out of Mater Dei High School in Santa Ana, CA who has long been rumored as a USC lean. Only a junior in high school, Barkley is considered more advanced at his stage than past Mater Dei graduates in Matt Leinart and Colt Brennan. By advanced I mean he can throw a mean spiral while jerking off 7 times a day. Those were the days!

Barkley will join a crowded USC QB rotation in 2009 with Mark Sanchez(will be a redshirt senior), Mitch Mustain(redshirt junior), and Aaron Corp(redshirt sophomore) all with good chances of coming back. Even with the addition of quarterback guru and new offensive coordinator Norm Chow to UCLA it did not even come close to fazing Barkley's decision:

"With all the success USC has to offer, I feel it's the best opportunity to grow as a quarterback," Barkley said. "The competition is like none other. I've always loved USC and I wanted to get the burden of the recruiting process over before I start back with Mater Dei football."

So USC has already started recruiting and landing premier commitments before the 2008 class has enough time to let the ink dry on their enrollment papers. Barkley is now their 6th pledge(all from California) in the 2009 class with 5 of them being rated at least 4 stars according to Rivals. In other words the recruits are not worried about possible sanctions coming down on Southern Cal anytime soon. Their reason is simple: The NCAA's vagina is too puckered and wet with money rolling in to even consider disciplining a school like USC who allows a student-athlete to receive $300,000 worth of benefits while enrolled.

In essence, USC has made the NCAA their bitch because they bring in the most money out West. Good for them but bad for all the little schools out there trying to compete.