COCKFIGHT ANYONE?

Pedro Martinez y Marichal en pelea de gallos
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I'm not going to lie, when I first heard Pedro Martinez and cockfight in the same sentence I shouted to myself "I knew it!!!" But sadly I was a little disappointed to find out it involves roosters and not sword fighting. My life is sad, I know this already. I don't know what to feel about the whole cockfighting scene. Actually I feel a little dirty just writing it. I'm sure in some way Urban Meyer invented the game. Only a dirty scumbag with no sense of right or wrong would create such a game and privately I could not think of a more deplorable person other than maybe Peter Angelos. Of course we all know Coronel Sanders created cockfighting so there is no reason to bring Meyer in to this game. Hell, he already gave up his soul a long time ago to be a SEC coach. But if I had to pick a fight with a cock named Urban Meyer I think I would choose someone regal, almost ready if not laughing at the chance to prove how big of a fraud the once great Liar will be exposed in the near future. I name my cock Mark Richt because he will own and kill Urban for years to come.

BEER OF THE WEEK

Stella Artois, even if the Vikings stole it...

The Belgians know their beer and Stella is their biggest import. Here is a little history lesson on Stella courtesy of Wikipedia...

Stella Artois (pronounced /ˈstɛlə ɑrˈtwɑː/) is a 5.2% ABV global lager first brewed in Leuven, Belgium in 1926 as a Christmas brew, and named Stella after the Latin for "star."[1]

Although Belgium is best known internationally for its ales, the so-called "table beers," the bottom-fermented pilsner lagers such as Stella Artois head the list for domestic consumption, making up almost 75% of Belgian beer production. Stella is promoted as an international brand by InBev. In its home market of Belgium, however, it is marketed, priced and sold as a regular lager. It is brewed in Belgium and the United Kingdom, as well as other countries, including Australia. Much of the Stella Artois exported from Europe is currently produced at InBev's brewery in Belgium, and packaged in the Beck's brewery in Bremen, Germany.

The Anno 1366 on the Stella Artois logo refers to the origin of brewing in the city of Leuven. The city's tax records dated 1366 mention the existence of a local brewpub called Den Hoorn, ('Hoorn' in Flemish meaning 'Horn' in English, as is represented in the logo on the beer label). The name Artois was coupled to the brewery in 1708, when new owner Sebastian Artois achieved the title of master brewer. The frame that surrounds the name Stella Artois on the label refers to the traditional style of window frame found in Flemish architecture.

Stella Artois is available on draught and in several packaged sizes, including a 275 ml bottle, 284 ml bottle, a 330 ml bottle, a 440 ml can, a 50cl can, a pint size can known as "La Grande Biere" (568 ml), 66 cl bottle, 70 cl bottle and a 1 litre bottle.

I have been a big fan of Stella ever since I was kidnapped by a small group of Belgian four fingered midgets back in the year 2003. They violated me with their laughs and their lager and forced me to drink hundreds if not thousands of ounces of their delicious beer till I couldn't see straight. I became one with the Stella that night although I still have a serious phobia regarding Belgian four fingered midgets.

On the Fairchild beer scale I give it a solid 8. Nothing spectacular, but it gets the job done and I have a real fear that those dickhead little Belgians will come back and find me and make me drink more if I don't at least give it a B-. So drink one up today or better yet make a trip to Belgium to indulge in the home country flavor. Have a good weekend bitches!

ORIOLES FINALLY TRADE BEDARD, GET ADAM JONES

I have been waiting for this trade to comsummate for almost a month now but damn it is sweet to finally have it materialize. The Baltimore Orioles, aka the worst team in baseball this coming up spring, finally traded their ace, Erik Bedard, to the Seattle Mariners.

It's about damn time.

In return the O's get a potential superstar centerfielder in Adam Jones. Not the degenerate PacMan all the strippers have come to loath these past years. This is the Adam which has been compared favorably to Torii Hunter or at the worst a Mike Cameron. The Orioles also picked up the best lefty reliever in the game in George Sherrill who should be used as a bargaining chip come the trade deadline for some more young players. No doubt the O's are in a rebuilding mode, but finally they are doing it the right way.

New GM Andy MacPhail used his poker hand in Bedard and pulled a royal flush against the Mariners. In picking up Jones you have the first potential stud centerfielder in Baltimore since...hell...forever! I would say Mike Deveraux is the best CF I have seen in an O's uniform. Devo was a good player but we can safely say Baltimore hasn't had a decent centerfielder in a long, long time. Jones has 5 tool stuff. He hits for average and he hits for power. He has a cannon for an arm(drafted as a shortstop)and scouts think he can be a gold glover in centerfield. Make no mistake, Jones will make or break this trade for the O's. Bedard is a guaranteed ace lefty and you don't find many, if any, in the Major Leagues. But unlike the Minnesota Twins the Orioles got a great haul for their value.

Chris Tillman, Seattle's reigning Minor League Pitcher of the Year,is a 19 year old tall righty who has averaged around 10 K's per 9 inning pitched so far in the minor leagues. If Tillman and Jones pan out in the future it is an incredibly great trade for the Orioles. But if both shit the bed, and don't forget these are just prospects and not a known commodity like Bedard, then this trade will further signal the down spiral path of a franchise who hasn't had a winning season in 10 years.

I don't think this is the case. This is the most excited I have been about an Orioles transaction since they signed Miguel Tejada. True, Tejada didn't bring the once proud franchise back to the playoffs, but he was an individual success in Baltimore despite the team sucking ass. Baseball will and always will be a team sport. If you can trade a player for 5 players of real wealth you have to make the trade. The O's made the right trade. The Mariners made the right trade because they can now compete with the Angels now with Bedard and King Felix Hernandez starting at the top of the rotation.

Now all the O's have to do is sign Mark Teixeria next offseason.

Fuck!

NATIONAL SIGNING DAY

Well, it's finally here. The good old bat shit crazy day of waiting for teenagers to sign their loyalty to pen and paper for your favorite college. We have heard that the #1 recruit Terrelle Pryor will not be signing today much to the dismay of all the Ohio State and Michigan fans. The kid sounds confused... actually more confused than the Democratic Party right now. I'm going to let the day play out and let all the other sites worry about who is and who isn't signing for their particular school. I'm getting too old to worry about this shit. But I will have a recap at the end of the day. National signing day is like the NFL Draft for college. So be prepared for unreal expectations when it comes to some analysis for these classes from the experts.

SPRING TRAINING RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER

Now that football season is officially over we can now look forward to some baseball. Granted we still have to deal with the mass hysteria that is National Signing Day tomorrow but after it has come and gone we have a lonely eight months till college football season kicks off. But we can fill it in with some baseball talk with pitchers and catchers reporting in 8 days. It should be a very interesting MLB season with a ton of teams having a good chance to go the distance. If you are a fan of about 20 teams you have a lot to look forward to since in your mind you have a chance to win the whole thing. I could go through all the teams but that is what a preview is for and we are not there yet until all these trades are finalized. I tell you one thing, the American League is going to be nasty this season especially when the Mariners acquire Erik Bedard. Granted my Baltimore Orioles are going to be a terrible team from the day they lace up their cleats in Ft. Lauderdale till the final painful out in late September but at least they finally have a plan in place. There is some hope in Birdland but the rebuilding will take some time.

I'm excited to see all the new faces in new places whether they be new up and coming stars(the Adam Jones' and Colby Rasmus' of the world) or veterans who will be joining a new league(Miguel Cabrera and Johan Santana). Of course I have a lot of thoughts rambling in my head about what might happen this season so be prepared to be unleashed with some knowledge that might make sense or on the other hand might come off as badly as an Andruw Jones strikeout.

By the way, it's been a 100 years now since the Cubs won a World Series. I'm sorry. It's not your fault....

THE GREATEST SUPER BOWL PLAY EVER

I'm trying to think of a better, more unbelievable clutch play in the history of the Super Bowl than Eli Manning's frantic bomb to David Tyree last night and I'm stuck at nothing. In fact I still can't believe the play actually came to fruition after Adalius Thomas had Manning in his big ass bear paws only to have Eli fight off his claws and heave the ball 50 yards down field. And then for Tyree to catch it while Rodney Harrison is basically Kobe Bryanting him from behind is just an incredible accomplishment that makes this play the best ever in Super Bowl history in my opinion. Of course it could have been a little bit more exciting if Troy Aikman would have squeezed Joe Buck's manbags during the play to at least get something besides a monotone voice during the crucial play.

72 DOLPHINS REEBOK COMMERCIAL

I completely forgot about the 1972 Miami Dolphins until I saw this commercial this morning in between Skip Bayless rambling nonsense on ESPN's First Take. I can only imagine how tanked those old farts got last night after Eli Manning took a knee. The DUI's and dead hookers must have soared to astronomical numbers in South Florida last night thus bypassing the Michael Irvin days as a Miami Hurricane. Now that is mind boggling.

Mercury Morris becoming a mute: PERFECT!!

CARL IS HAPPY THE GIANTS WON

I'm gonna miss this guy. Personally I think Carl carried the Giants this postseason with his insane and for the most part hysterical ramblings and those crazy 80's Zubra or whatever the hell you call them pants. I actually find myself talking like him now. I also love how cartoons can get away with a lot of crap that basic television programs can not. Viva La Carl!

LAST NIGHT'S COMMERCIALS SUCKED

Maybe I'm losing my sense of humor or maybe I wasn't drunk enough but I really didn't like any of the commercials last night. The heart coming out of the lady was just disturbing and stupid. The Audi commercial was pretty good if you are a fan of "The Godfather." I was really disappointed in the beer commercials. Usually they are funny and witty but last night I don't recall either happening. At least the actual football game was entertaining for once.

So to make up for the horrible commercials last night I decided to bring this bad boy back to life.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present you "The Swear Jar"....

CONGRATULATIONS NEW YORK GIANTS!

Not only did you prove everybody wrong this NFL postseason by winning 3 games on the road to reach the Super Bowl but you also proved how big of a dick and poor loser Bill Belichick is. The defensive line played lights out and crushed, stripped, and basically killed Tom Brady all night. Eli Manning is now a Super Bowl winning quarterback. Holy shitballs! I can't wait to see how Carl is doing tomorrow on Adultswim. More than likely he is pile driving his Eli blow-up doll.

SUPER BOWL PREDICTION

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 35
NEW YORK GIANTS 28

SUPER BOWL MVP: LAURENCE MARONEY
STUPID FOX PROMOTIONS: 498

BEER OF THE WEEK

Smithwick's Irish Ale is the beer of choice this week and I must say I enjoy it's malty dark flavor. From the same brewers of big brother Guinness, Smithwick's was first brewed in 1710 and it claims to be Ireland's oldest ale. John Smitwick came up with the original recipe for the Ale almost 300 years ago in Ireland and to this day it still delivers a distinctive taste reminiscent of Guinness but not as heavy on the belly and of course not as dark but more of an amber color. If I had to rate I would put it at an 8 on the Fairchild scale and I highly recommend going out and trying it. Currently you can buy an 18 mix-pack of Smithwick's, Guinness, and Bass Ale at Costco for around $18.

THIS IS WHY GOLF PISSES OFF PEOPLE

I don't consider myself a scratch golfer or anything, hell, I will admit it, I suck balls at golf. But I have played a considerable amount in my now 29 years of existence and yet I have never hit a hole in one. I've come close a couple of times but God hates me and decided to lip them out just to fuck with my fragile emotional state and thus forcing me to curse him and drink more beer. Anyways, getting on to the point, I have never even played with somebody who has hit a hole in one and yet I read shit like this happening and it just pisses me off...

Legally Blind Golfer, 92, Gets First Ace

CLEARWATER, Fla. — What are the odds? Leo Fiyalko, 92, a legally blind golfer with macular degeneration, scored a hole-in-one at a Clearwater country club.

Fiyalko's 110-yard shot with a five iron was his first hole-in-one. He's been golfing for 60 years.

"It's my first hole-in-one, and I never saw it," Fiyalko said. He said he was just trying to put his ball on the green.

A plaque at the Cove Cay Country Club now marks his achievement.

Dude, a fucking plaque is all he gets! He should get a state named after him or be the frontrunner for the Democratic Party(come on a black man and a woman, yeah right, you might as well have a clown in a wheelchair) Nomination. This is why a lot of people do not consider golf a real sport. You can be 400 pounds and apparently now you can be as old as a Dick Clark special and even blind and yet you still have the chance to hit a hole in one.

Seriously fuck Tiger Woods and fuck that old man for ruining my Friday. Maybe if I start wearing a diaper and blindfold myself I can have a chance at a hole in one.

I'M FUKIN MATT DAMON

Remember yesterday when I questioned the validity of Sarah Silverman dating Jimmy Kimmel, well, apparently she has had a fling with Matt Damon...

This clip is from the Jimmy Kimmel Show last night. Yes, I finally watched the Kimmel Show and if they continue to produce funny skits like this and "Emmitt Smith Wordsmith" then it might become another late night watching drunk show. This is a step up in my book. In college it was late night drunk and high night show for Conan O'brien. In high school it was late night masturbatory sessions to squiggle lines of Adam and Eve or something like that. I'm moving up in the world people, maybe someday I can eff Matt Damon!

By the way kudos to Matt Damon for still being a cool guy and willing to do funny skits like this despite all his fame and money.

Video HT: WWTDD

GOOD LORD ERIN ANDREWS!

Erin, you don't even want to know what you are bringing to my table and millions of sports fans nightly with those boots. Fellow blogger Mac G wonders if her overexposure is now going to be her downfall. I say hell no! Only age and sweaty booze filled nights full of sexcapades will bring her down.

I feel bad for some of the poor souls who can not handle her dangerous looks when approached by Andrews. I mean look at these Penn State kid's faces when the dangerous cougar comes in for the hunt...They are so awestruck it reminds me of the first time you see your first live female nipple as a kid. You don't know what to do but you know what you saw would forever change your life. And to this we must applaud but be mindful of the hot cougar known as the Erin Andrews. Look at the kid with the white fro. It's like he is staring right into her brain trying to Jedi mind fuck her into dropping every piece of clothing right there and now. He is screaming inside "TAKE IT OFF NOW, NOW I SAY" while knowing later he will go home and cry himself to sleep because he will never get to experience something so hot in his life again.

God bless you Erin Andrews. You make ESPN tolerable 2% of the time.

BEST PLAYER IN THE GAME?

There is no denying the unbelievable talent that is Alexander Ovechkin but can anybody really argue or have a case of there being a better player in the NHL today? After last night's performance against Montreal it is becoming a mute point. Ovechkin now leads the NHL in goals and points scored after a 5 point performance after getting chopped in the face by an opponent's stick nonetheless. I love the game Sidney Crosby brings to the ice everyday and of course I have an undying admiration for how hard and talented Ilya Kovalchuk plays everyday for the Thrashers but Ovechkin is the best player I have ever seen in person. He can do basically anything he wants with the puck on his stick and plays with a vibrant energy that is so boundless it pulsates out to his teammates and carries the crowd with him. If Ovechkin was American I believe he would be right up there with the Tom Brady's and Derek Jeter's of the world in terms of consumer sports appeal. If you have the chance to go see Ovechkin play in an arena near you I highly recommend it. The chances of him scoring are extremely high but even if he doesn't just watching him skate the ice is a show itself. He never gives up on a play and is not a pretty boy when it comes to hitting people. He will lay out an opponent if he has to and I respect that because he wants to win more than any other guy on the ice.

EMMITT SMITH SHARP AS A WHISTLE

I don't watch the Jimmy Kimmel Show or care to watch any of ESPN's NFL coverage but after seeing this compilation of Emmitt Smith's brilliant analysis they now have a new fan. Smith, the all-time leading NFL rusher must get along with Chris Berman quite well considering how professional Emmitt comes off on air.

On a completely non-related thought, I wonder if Kimmel is still nailing Sarah Silverman because it might be one of the all-time coups for an ugly guy getting a hot girl? Just curious before I leave and drink a few cold ones at Three Dollar Cafe tonight. See you tomorrow as we start celebrating Black History Month.

Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“I just got a good vibe about Coach Petrino from the start: He is straight up and honest about everything,” Ford said.

Okay, I know, try not to laugh but this is a direct quote from a high school football recruit named Elton Ford regarding former Atlanta Falcon's coach and current Arkansas head coach Bobby Petrino. "Honest" and "straight up" would not be the first adjectives I would use to describe Petrino but apparently the sly piece of horse dung can still recruit and convince 17 and 18 year olds to come play with him. Ford recently switched his commitment from NC State to Arkansas after Petrino came to talk to him and another Chattahoochee High School(Alpharetta, GA) teammate named Justin Smith this past week.

In fact Petrino is so unbelievably good at deviating words to people he even got Ford's current coach Terry Crowder to believe and fellate his lies...

“My impression of [Petrino] was very high. I was just really impressed with how honest he was with the kids,” Chattahoochee coach Terry Crowder said. “I would have to say he is now one of my favorite head coaches I’ve ever met. I just can’t say enough good things.”

I guess some people will never learn. It's one thing to be an ignorant 18 year old who just wants a football scholarship and can't judge people by their actions but it's a whole other level when an adult coach can't see Petrino through his BS. This would explain why Georgia as a state continually struggles to finish out of the cellar when it comes to national SAT scores. I hope he has fun in Arkansas and learns a lot from Petrino during his two years in Fayetteville.

JON TENUTA JOINS NOTRE DAME STAFF

Former Georgia Tech defensive coordinator Jon Tenuta will replace defensive backs coach Bill Lewis at Notre Dame at an expected new conference on February 8th according to Irish Illustrated. I really don't have much to say to this except that I'm completely shocked and down right giddy a coach the caliber of Tenuta is going to Notre Dame. Tenuta developed a reputation at Tech as an aggressive blitzing at all times coordinator who managed to make the most out of a defense with a good amount of talent but nowhere near the amount he will receive at a school like Notre Dame. I'm not exactly sure what this means for current D-coordinator Corwin Brown(aka ace defensive recruiter) and his future at the program unless Tenuta is taking a step down to be only the secondary coach which would seem really far fetched to me. Brown has been doing an excellent job recruiting for Notre Dame and this year's class he has coming in will be one of the best ever defensively for the Irish and that is in large part thanks to himself and not necessarily head coach Charlie Weis.

Tenuta's defenses since he became the D-coordinator at Tech have been consistently ranked in the top 25 and this past year they led the nation in sacks. Of course 9 of those sacks came against the Irish in the season opener. If this hire does in fact go down it will be one of the biggest coups for Weis in terms of hire since...well...since they hired Brown last season. It terms of immediate recruiting it should be noted that a defensive end/outside linebacker named Keith Wells from Georgia is visiting Notre Dame this weekend. I think the hiring of Tenuta just increased their chances of landing the kid big time since Tenuta is a household name down here in Atlanta especially with football recruits.

I HAVE A NEW FOUND RESPECT FOR CHRIS BERMAN

Hey, we have all been there is what I'm thinking. Someone fucks up and it screws up everything. Some call it premature ejaculation but I like to call it an early Christmas present. And God knows I like to give out "a lot" of early XMas presents.

Seriously could you imagine Berman in a Whoppers Freakout commercial? There would be more curse words thrown out than Coach K at a ref during the North Carolina game.

The video is from eight years ago but somehow, someway it managed to find it's way in our hearts and minds forever. Now if only we can get the Dana Jacobson video we are set for years.

Big ass Video HT: Deadspin