SportsCrack Blog

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

US OPEN HAS GREAT SECURITY



Dude, were they going to wait till the guy got on his knees and started sucking him off? Seriously, what the hell is security doing? Apparently this is acceptable behavior in New York City because nobody even freaked out when the intruder tried to kiss Rafael Nadal on the lips.

You know how I know tennis is gay? Because of shit like this. Actually I'm not going to lie, I've been watching a ton of the US Open this year because of Marietta's Melanie Oudin. What can I say other than 17 year old girls from the South just manage to grab my attention when they are sweating and swinging a racket while grunting. So innocent yet so animalistic. Yes, I can feel those flames right now. Or is that Craig Hansen? Either way I'm on my way to hell.

JEFFTCARVER WON WEEK 1 PICK EM CONTEST


Congratulations go out to jefftcarver who went 13-3 in his College Football Pick Em points and amassed the most points with 119, narrowly defeating notre damian and rmkdhk whom both scored 118. It looked like I did pretty shitty the first week finishing 35th. I shouldn't have ever picked Rutgers or put so many points on Oklahoma. Fucking Sam Bradford and his shoulder. Anywho, jefftcarver wins a free Sportscrack shirt or mini helmet of his choosing. Be sure to email me jeff whenever you get the chance.

Make sure you guys and gals go ahead and put in your picks for this week. Every week somebody will be a winner. If you haven't signed up it's not too late to join. Just go to www.funofficepools.com, click on the JOIN A POOL link at the top, click on the College Football Pick Em from the drop down menu, the pool name is Sportscrack.com (make sure you type it in exactly like this with the S capitalized), don't worry about the password, and make your selections.

And by the way the picture above is Kelly Brook from the GQ Awards which you can view over at WWTDD.com. Why is she up there you ask? Because it just doesn't matter, that's why!

THANK THE LORD THIS GUY DIDN'T GO TO USC



Arizona State freshman linebacker Vontaze Burfict laid down the wood on ISU's quarterback Russell Hill Saturday night and the first thing that came to my mind was "Holy hell, thank you for not letting this beast of a linebacker go to USC." Burfict was originally committed to USC but at a last second reversal of plan ($$$$) decided to travel east to Arizona State. It made perfect sense since USC "graduated" all 3 of their starting linebackers to the NFL to instead go to Arizona State. Made almost as much sense as Manti Te'o going to Notre Dame. I sure as shit am happy they chose their own path.

Video HT: EDSBS

HIGH SCHOOL KICKER NAILS 67 YARD FIELD GOAL


Legacy High School (Broomfield, CO) kicker Kip "Iron Foot" Smith got an opportunity last week to capitalize on a little known rule of a free kick after his team made a fair catch at their 43 yard line at the end of the first half. Obviously the kid nails the field goal which sets a new state record and later was seen nailing anything with a skirt. Dude, the kid hit a 67 fucking yarder! He better be getting mad tail after that accomplishment.

Video HT: FanIQ

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

LATEST BETWEEN TWO FERNS

Charlize Theron makes an appearance with Zach Galifianakis and all I can say is wow, how does this chick not get more attention in Hollywood?...

OBAMA IS THE DEVIL!

Not really but I had to laugh at this interview parody involving our President talking to kids in school...


Video HT: MacG

SPORTSCRACK TOP 10 CFB POLL


1. FLORIDA GATORS-The Gators beat the shit out of Charleston Southern but they did not cover the spread. Losers. All kidding aside they looked really good against an inferior opponent and managed to stay away from any serious injuries. They should cruise again this week against Troy.

2. TEXAS LONGHORNS-Colt McCoy and the offense looked at midseason form vs. Louisiana Monroe and The Real McCoy is the first Longhorn QB to pass for 10,000 yards in his career. They get another warmup game this week against Wyoming before they face the Red Raiders in a Saturday night revenge game in Austin.

3. ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE-The scoreboard said they only won by 10 points but make no mistake the Crimson Tide dominated Virginia Tech in the Georgia Dome Saturday night. Their offense moved the ball with ease against a decent Hokies defense. If the Tide continue to put up points they have a good enough defense to not only contend for a SEC Title but a National Championship. This week against Florida International should be no problem.

4. USC TROJANS-The freshman looked good. Real good actually. Matt Barkley completed 15 of 19 for 233 yards and the Trojans offense didn't skip a beat while piling up over 600 yards. The defense was against Trojan-like, holding San Jose State to only 121 yards in a 56-3 romping. I have no doubt in my mind the Trojans will destroy the Buckeyes this week in Columbus and cover the 4 point spread.

5. PENN STATE NITTANY LIONS-The Nittany Lions weren't overly impressive against Akron in week 1 but this team should get better as the season progresses. Daryl Clark looks like a legitimate Heisman contender and looking at their schedule I wouldn't be surprised to see them go undefeated during the regular season.

6. OKLAHOMA STATE COWBOYS-Okie State looked good and took advantage of some questionable calls by the refs to destroy Georgia 24-10 in one of their biggest games in their history. I still don't think their defense is championship calibre but if their offense continues to put up points don't be surprised if they make a legitimate run for the Big 12 South Title this year against Texas. Notice how I didn't mention the Sooners? They are done.

7. OLE MISS REBELS-Horrible first half, great second half. The Rebels have a ton of athletes who managed to take over in the second half against a poor Memphis team. A good warm up game for Jevan Snead (who came nowhere near his Heisman preseason talk in this battle) and Ole Miss to work on some things. They got SE Louisiana after the off week this week so they have plenty of time to not lose.

8. CALIFORNIA BEARS-They absolutely destroyed Maryland Saturday night. If there is one team that could possibly beat USC it is this Cal squad. Jahvid Best looked like the best runningback in the nation (apologies to Jonathan Dwyer) and should put up more All American numbers this week against Eastern Shithole...uh Michigan I meant to say.

9. BRIGHAM YOUNG COUGARS-Those mother fucking Mormons did it, they beat the Sooners. They knocked around Heisman winner Sam Bradford until finally delivering the knockout punch in the second quarter. BYU's defense looked incredible Saturday night and with Max Hall back at QB it wouldn't be much of a surprise if this team goes to a BCS bowl. And yes, they would deserve it especially if they go undefeated.

10. LSU TIGERS-LSU will get better as the season goes on but they do have a lot of things to work on. Their defense looked awful against Washington. They got torn up for nearly 500 total yards. Right now this team is top 10 on name alone. If they can't get their defense and offense rolling they could lose to Vandy at home this week. Don't laugh, I'm being serious.

Just missed the cut: Notre Dame Fighting Irish, Ohio State Buckeyes, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Boise State Broncos, North Carolina Tarheels

What do you guys and gals think? Feel free to leave your comments below.

Sunday, September 06, 2009

TERRELLE PRYOR LOVES MICHAEL VICK



From the World Of Isaac comes this memorable quote from Terrelle Pryor on why he wore Michael Vick's name on his eye black yesterday during the Buckeye's close win over the Naval Academy...

Not everybody’s the perfect person in the world. I mean everyone kills people, murders people, steals from you, steals from me, whatever.


Umm...ok...WOW is all I have to say. I didn't realize that "everyone kills people" when they aren't playing football. Holy shit, this guy has to be the dumbest collegiate athlete on campus right now. Frankly I would be embarrassed if I were a Buckeye fan and this guy represented our team.

PENN STATE LOOKED GOOD YESTERDAY



But seriously, what's up with the kid with the purple cape? Nerd!

SAM BRADFORD OUT OF THE HEISMAN RACE



With the injury to his AC joint being at best a 2-4 week injury, Sam Bradford has been pretty much eliminated from contending for the Heisman Trophy this season. I know it's only the first week but Oklahoma did not look good at all vs. BYU. I guess losing 4 of your starters on the offensive line does hurt. Bradford's shoulder would agree.

Two guys who deserve serious Heisman consideration are Cal's Jahvid Best and Notre Dame's Jimmy Clausen. Both players looked tremendous yesterday and they should be able to put up the numbers to contend for a trip to NYC this year.

What do you guys think?

Jahvid Best vs. Maryland...

Saturday, September 05, 2009

ME LIKEY!




Mike Floyd looked like God out there today. What a beast of an athlete he has become. I'm going to enjoy this win immensely. Watch out for the Fighting Irish this year. Their defense and offense pound people. 35-0! To Hell with Michigan coming up.

Friday, September 04, 2009

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!

College Football is in full kickoff mode this Saturday so while you are out Tailgating like a Champion I want you to remember the little things that count: Beer, Babes, and Football. Be careful out there. You don't want to end up like this guy singing at your buddy's funeral...


This is pretty much what I'm going to sound like around 9 tomorrow night except more incoherent and a few scratches and bruises. Gotta love college football season. The crackhead singing Amazing Grace brings back memories of Eddie Murphy in the 80's BTW.

Video HT: Shaun

MICHIGAN FIGHT SONG BRINGS TEARS



These parents should be arrested for child abuse for putting this kid through the nightmare that is Rich Rodriguez and Michigan. You gotta admit, the child does a hell of a Dick Rod impression. Don't worry kid, I cry also when I hear the Michigan Fight Song. Brings back awful memories of all those whores in Ann Arbor.



Video HT: Extra Mustard

DUDE PERFECT - SUMMER CAMP EDITION



VIDEO HT: Extra Mustard

KATHY LEE GIFFORD CHANNELS HER INNER LAGERRETTE BLOUNT



I'm not going to lie, for an 80 year old, Kathy Lee ain't bad. Just saying she can get my manhood whenever she wants.

LEGARRETTE BLOUNT DELIVERS ULTIMATE SUCKER PUNCH


Holy shit! I hope the rest of the college football season is much better than that shit I watched last night. Both the South Carolina-NC State and Oregon-Boise State games were a collective monkey fucking a wet football classics. The only "entertainment" came at the conclusion of the Boise State 19-8 win over Oregon when the Duck's RB Legarrette Blount decided to go batshit crazy after sucker punching Boise State's Byron Hout. This was the perfect ending to a horrific game. Oregon looked gawd awful and all those fans of Jeremiah Masoli who kept emailing me about how this kid was going to be a Heisman contender should keep eating their Coco Puffs. Masoli was terrible. Actually everybody playing on the blue turf in Boise didn't deserve their scholly. But getting back to Blount, who had 17 TD's last season, is going to be suspended for at least 6 games. Hell, he might get kicked off the team. He brought back memories of Ron Artest going after fans and that surely is not going to keep you on the field of play.

When security and police have to "escort" you off the field you know that you are going to a world of hurt...


Oregon coach Chip Kelly should suspend if not completely kick off Blount. There is no excuse to act the way he did. Kelly should also let Blount kick him straight in his manbags for that horrible game plan. The new coach turned the Ducks into a passing team when we all know they should have been able to run the ball over an undersized Boise State defense. Blount is crazy no doubt but Kelly is a dumbass for not running the ball and making myself look like a complete asshole for picking the Ducks as PAC-10 sleepers. For this Kelly deserves a swift kick in the junk. This can't be argued. Blount go bye-bye for at least 6 games if not the whole season. Justice served.

Thursday, September 03, 2009

9 TOUGH SHAMROCK SHIRT IN MOSCOW


Yesterday I demanded pictures of Sportscrack shirts with either famous people or in front of famous sites and my old college roommate Josh came through with both. Josh is seen sporting the 9 Tough Shamrock shirt in Moscow's Red Square with his lovely fiance Anya whom you may recognize as the #10 case model on the show Deal or No Deal. It's great to see our shirts making an impact in former Communist regimes. Hell, our shirt probably helped cause the collapse of those Commie bastards. Capitalism baby! Anywho, I just got tickets 16 rows behind the Atlanta Falcons bench to go see old #9 himself, Zibby, in action for the Baltimore Ravens at the Dome. Don't worry, I will be taping tonight's college action to make sure I covered my bets. I could really care less about the first game between NC State and South Carolina but I sure as shit don't want to miss the Boise State/Oregon clash on the blue turf tonight.

Get your 9 Tough Shamrock shirt by clicking on the picture below...

8 MORE HOURS



All week I haven't been able to get this song out of my head. I haven't gotten any sleep because I have been bouncing off the fucking walls like I did an 8 ball with DJ AM. But we know that can't be because the guy is fucking dead. It's all because college football is finally starting. The time bomb is ticking. Time. Bomb. Ticking. Nah nah. Now try to get it out of your head. Welcome to my world.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL IS UPON US!


Tonight our long, pitiful wait for college football is finally over as we have two interesting games on the schedule with NC State vs South Carolina and Oregon visiting the Smurfs of Boise State. I'm giddy in anticipation and actually kind of shocked with the Boise State-Oregon line. As I mentioned earlier this week Oregon is my PAC-10 sleeper and as of this moment they are 5 point dogs to the Smurfs. So if you want to know what my first bet is this college football season it has to be Oregon with the +5. Jeremiah Masoli and the Oregon Ducks will be facing their highest rated road opener since 1975 when they played at #1 Oklahoma. The over/under is 66 and although I think it will be a shootout I'm taking the under.

Oregon +5
Under 66

The NC State/South Carolina looks like a snooze fest. Both of those programs have always bored me. Erin Andrews will be seen for the first time since the peeping tom video. Presumably with clothes this time. The game is in Raleigh but when it comes to ACC vs. SEC I always take the safe bet and go with the power conference. The Cocks are +5 in this game, take them. QB Stephen Garcia will be impressive when he isn't doing keg stands and Eric Norwood will have a couple of sacks.

South Carolina +5


I'm so happy college football is starting tonight I just can't hold it in anymore. Why must I cry?....

Video HT: Will

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

A LOVE STORY



Now that is true love. Slow clap.

PURWHO?



This picture was taken 9 years ago but have things really changed for the Purdon't win Boilermakers? The five offensive lineman were suppose to protect Drew Brees from his birthmark but obviously failed miserably. Holy shit, this has to be one of most gay things I have ever posted on this blog. For this I apologize. No person should have to look at a Purdue Boilermaker football player much less stare at them in black speedos.

So here is Megan Fox pant less...




Ahhh...now I feel much better about myself and my sexuality.

NICE FORM BALLKID



WithLeather has the most exciting clip in regard to yesterday's tennis action in Flushing Meadows, NY. Could they really pick a worst week to start the US Open? College Football is starting with the NFL looming, baseball playoff race is heating up and now they decide to play a tennis major? I would think more people would tune in and watch if this was in the last week on July instead of the first week of football season. Hell, what do I know? Tennis seems to be doing great despite all the tournaments moving overseas and nobody caring outside of the die hard fanatics who jerk off to the thought of Sharapova touching their forehand.

MATTY ICE SHIRTS TAKING OFF



With the NFL season less than 2 weeks away it is now time to load up on some of our new NFL shirts including the Matty Ice one which has now taken over the Dome. As you can see in the picture above the Matty Ice shirt has made it all the way down to the sidelines to display their support of Matt Ryan. The NFL's Best Looking Man
even caught a glimpse of the shirt before the Falcons took on the Chargers thanks to loyal Falcon's fan Billy who displayed his pride Saturday night. Billy gets a free shirt for the picture. Thanks Billy! If anybody else wants a free shirt all you have to do is get a picture of yourself wearing it next to either a celebrity or famous person and send it in to us at matt@sportscrack.com.

Matty Ice Shirt

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

NOTRE DAME BILLBOARD SHOULD HELP RECRUITING



Right above the Linebacker Inn near the intersection of Edison Road and State Road 23 near the Notre Dame campus lies this monstrosity of a billboard. Listen, I get it that people don't like Charlie Weis after the 10-15 record he put up the last 2 years. I will be one of the first to admit that I wanted to ring his fat neck every once in a while. But what kind of asshole buys a billboard to state their opinion which will only hurt Notre Dame? It's not even funny. If DickRod saw this he would breakdown and cry. I'm not joking. Whomever paid for the billboard needs to step up and claim it as their own.

I think we found our man...

OREGON CRIBS

After seeing LSU's facilities yesterday I thought they would be hard to beat. Well, Phil Knight laughs maniacally at your so-called top flight facility LSU fans. Check out their crib...

It must be rough going to Oregon on a football scholarship. It would be for me because I hate Nike cross trainers. They smell like wet trash after two weeks of wear and tear. Pieces of child's tears and unsafe labor laws garbage.

2 MORE DAYS...


Till Jeremiah Masoli and the Oregon Ducks (PAC-10 sleeper) take on BCS killer Boise State Broncos on Thursday night in what should be a shoot out. I'm taking Oregon to win the PAC-10 this year. I just can't get over USC starting a freshman quarterback and replacing all those defensive studs even though I know they are loaded with talent just ready to prove me wrong.

We are doing another year of College Football Pick Em. Go to FunOfficePools.com and sign up, pick the Sportscrack pool, and enter who you think will win this week starting with the Thursday night games. Who ever ends up with the most points at the end of the week wins a free Sportscrack shirt of their choice or you can pick any college or NFL mini helmet. The games are pick em, no spread, and you weigh the games in terms of confidence points. Last year was a success running the pool except for a couple of douchebags who bitched about their shirts not getting there within 24 hours of winning. It's free to enter, there is no spam, and you have a chance to win a free shirt. Pretty fucking sweet if you ask me. So enter now before you get drunk and forget. Hell, most of you probably drink on the job like myself so put down Grandpa's old cough medicine right now, slap yourself a couple of times, and enter those picks. Last year I believe we had over 125 people in the pool. This year I want to at least double that number so tell friends and family about it.

And in case you were wondering the Grand Prize winner at the end of the year gets one night with Kelly Brook...

I promised her family I would release her shortly after December 10th. I know, I'm such an angel.

Monday, August 31, 2009

DICK ROD IS PATHETIC



Tears of a Clown my friends! Tears of a Clown! Dick Rod is so fucking pathetic I almost feel bad for the University of Michigan. He still brings up West Virginia in his press conference...what a fucking moron! How about you follow the rules and try to gain the respect of your players instead of displaying these crocodile tears at some bullshit press conference? I hate Michigan Football but now I just feel bad for them because Dick Rodriguez is just so embarrassing. First a 9 loss season, players transferring at record numbers to get away, players complaining about practice, and now this cry baby bull shit. Too funny if you ask me.

LSU CRIBS

After watching this video of LSU Tiger's offensive guard Lyle Hitt give a tour of the Charles McClendon Practice Facility you can see why all those little southern bayou kittens pick Baton Rouge as their choice of 4-6 years of SEC football to turn into lethal Tiger machines...



If there is one team in the SEC who can beat Florida, especially in the trenches, it's LSU. The Gators travel to Baton Rouge on October 10th for a night game in what very well could determine who is still alive to play in the BCS Title game let alone the SEC Championship.


Video HT: ExtraMustard

SOCCER FLAGS GET MORE ASS...



...than 99.6% of married men. I love the laughter of the cheerleaders as they try to play it off as innocent fun.

MLB PLAY OF THE WEEK


Minnesota Twin's second baseman Alexi Casilla made this incredible flip against the Baltimore Orioles last week while I was watching the Orioles lose yet another game. After I picked up my jaw off the ground all I could do was shake my head in amazement. I've seen middle infielders use the flip but I have never seen one performed like Casilla did while diving in mid air. Casilla must have dolphin flippers. There is no other reason. It's like gay people in denial.

Friday, August 28, 2009

ANDY RODDICKS SERVES ONE IN LETTERMAN'S FACE

Sorry but Brooklyn Decker did not show up with hubby Andy Roddick last night. So disappointing. Now I am sure you are going to be really excited to see this clip now. I'm all about the tease folks...

NICK GREEN PITCHES SCORELESS 8TH AND 9TH INNING


Boston Red Sox shortstop Nick Green made an emergency appearance last night on the pitching rubber, his first time on the mound in more than 11 years, and pitched a scoreless 2 innings. Wait, what?

Yes, this is the same Nick Green I use to face in American Legion Ball more than 12 years ago. The same Green I tripled off the left centerfield wall in Alpharetta. This goes to prove, without a shadow of a doubt, I should be playing in the Major Leagues. If only all the drugs, booze, and loose women didn't get in the way I would be in Green's position right now. Yeah, that's it.

But enough about my sketchy past, let's hear what old fireballer Nick Green had to say about his performance last night vs. the Chicago White Sox.

"I didn't really want to do it, but I understood the situation," said Green, the first Red Sox position player to pitch multiple innings in a game since Dave McCarty in 2004. "That's why I said, 'OK, I'll go out there and try to have fun.'"

"I just wanted to throw strikes," Green said. "I didn't know my ball was going to move all over the place. I told Tito, 'I might get hit, I don't know.' I didn't know what to expect. I hadn't thrown to a catcher in 11 years."

Congratulations go out to Green for a fine performance last night. Dickhead. Nope, not jealous one bit. (cries into Ramen noodles for the 7th night in a row wondering what went wrong)

Thursday, August 27, 2009

USC NAMES THE FRESHMAN STARTING QB

When I was young I knew everything, now I'm Pete Carroll guilt stricken sobbing with my head on the floor because I named Matt Barkley starting QB...I can't be held responsible...Barkley was touching my thigh...I won't be held responsible...we were merely freshmen....


USC was so innocent. F them is what I say....

MICHAEL VICK DEBUTS TONIGHT


IMAGE HT: WithLeather

Hide your Beagle people, Vick's an Eagle officially starting tonight against the Jacksonville Jaguars on the NFL Network. So basically a million people have the opportunity to watch it from their home. Fucking NFL Network and their exclusive deal with DirecTV. Don't they realize that satellite tv sucks balls or is just about the money? Oh yeah, it's always about the money. Anywho, I will have to go to Taco Mac tonight to see the Doggie Killer make his debut wearing something other than black and white stripes or an orange jumpsuit. Vick has served his time and deserves a second chance. Actually this is more like his 10th chance because he lied so many times before hand about having any involvement but that is besides the point.

I want to see Vick play. I want to see him roll out of the pocket and hold that pigskin like it's got Ron Mexico's clamidia on the laces. I want to see him get hit and fumble. I want to see him break a run for 30 yards when most other players would have only got 10 yards. I want to see him overthrow a receiver by 5 yards or miss a guy on the slant or fire it too hard. Most of all I want to see how people react to him when he is introduced for the first time. I expect a scattering of boo's and cheers. And pound puppies on the field.


HIDE YOUR BEAGLES VICK'S AN EAGLE SHIRT AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE HERE!

16 DAYS TILL THE BALLS DROP


This has to be LSUFreek's best work over at EDSBS. Very disturbing yet highly funny. My sides actually hurt right now and those are not remnants of Vegas destruction in my ribs.

NOW THIS LOOKS ENTERTAINING



Zombieland could get 1 star and be as Gawdawful as that Peter Jackson remake of King Kong and I still won't give a shit, I have to see this movie. It feels like it has a Tarantino flavor to it and anytime you have Woody Harelson playing a redneck then it's all good in my book.

I'm interested in hearing what the peanut gallery has to say. Would you go see Zombieland after watching this preview or would you rather go see some gay ass Harry Potter coming of age movie? Seriously, if you like Harry Potter and are over the age of 15 please just kill yourself now. The world would be a lot less gayer with you in it.

HAPPY ENDING?



20 bucks, and it better be quick! Great job Fox Sports! I still have no desire to watch soccer but this commercial made me laugh.

Video HT: Extra Mustard

SHAQ IN A SPEEDO



The clip above comes from Shaq VS which is apparently some show on ABC. I have no fucking clue because I don't watch network television unless there is sports on it. HBO and Showtime shows occupy my time most nights if I decide to watch something else besides the baseball game right now. Anyways, Shaq lost a bet to the beach volleyball group of Misty May and Kerri Whateverhername so he had to walk down the beach in a pink speedo. I think it fits the big man. I was pleasantly surprised not to see some damn elephant snake slipping out of the side. That would have been almost as uncomfortable as seeing Misty May's ballsack in slow motion. Seriously, Misty is a pre-op tranny right?

Video HT: Extra Mustard

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

DEATH PANELS ARE REAL

I GOT THE BUTTERFLYS

in my stomach and it has nothing to do with hookers and blow but everything to do with September 5th. I love the Fall and I love sitting on my ass all day on Saturdays with a cold beer in my hand and watching college football. Shit like this video gets my heart pumping in anticipation for kickoff...

CASH 4 CLUNKER SHIRT



Here is another one of our new shirts. We call it the new "Cash 4 Clunker" shirt and you can only get it at our STORE PAGE.

Brett Favre is already joined the Cash 4 Clunker program, shouldn't you?...




Brett Favre pictures courtesy of MacG's World

Rank And File: Notre Dame Preview - ESPN VIDEO



Here is a little video Jason Hall, a big fan of Sportscrack, sent my way with the talking heads at ESPN giving their outlook for Notre Dame this season. Seeing Mark May's bloated head babbling bullshit already has my blood boiling. October 17th can not come soon enough. It's put up or shut up time for the Notre Dame football program in 2009.

Listen, we all know Notre Dame only won 10 games the last 2 years combined. But that is in the past and right now, the present, this Notre Dame team might have the most talent and depth since the early to mid 90's. I shit you not. Elite programs like Texas, Florida, LSU, and USC can put out their 2nd and 3rd teamers and not miss a beat. Notre Dame has finally gotten to this point. Their offense is completely loaded with experience and elite playmakers. They have the newest version of the AFROS (America's Finest Receivers on Saturday) with Golden Tate, Michael Floyd, and TE Kyle Rudolph back in which combined will put up well over 2500 yards receiving and 25 TD's receiving in 2009. Their backups such as freshman Shaquille Evans, sophomores Deion Walker and Johnny Goodman, juniors Duval Kamara and Mike Ragone were all high school All-Americans who every program in this country desperately wanted. Jimmy Clausen will have a Heisman worthy campaign this season and will bump one of either Tim Tebow, Sam Bradford, or Colt McCoy off the invitation list to NYC. The runningbacks are as deep as anybody in the nation including USC. Armando Allen, Robert Hughes, James Aldridge, Jonas Gray, and freshmen Cierre Wood and Theo Riddick will all be battling for carries this season. There is no reason why they shouldn't push for over 2500 yards rushing combined this season especially behind an offensive line which will now push people forward instead of back.

The defense is going to have a lot of breakout stars this season. On the defensive line look out for defensive tackles Ian Williams and Ethan Johnson. If the Irish are going to contend for a National Title they have to be able to control the line of scrimmage and stop the run. Both Williams and Johnson are fully capable of having All-American seasons and have made great strides in the weight room. Forcing double teams is the key to free up the pass rush with defensive ends such as Kerry Neal and Kapron Lewis-Moore coming on the outside and crushing the quarterback or making a rush throw. If Williams, Johnson, Neal, and Lewis-Moore do their job then it will free up what could be the most underrated set of linebackers in the nation. The group is led by junior Brian Smith (leaves his heart on the field, will make a great captain in 2010) who could have one of those Courtney Watson type seasons where he always around the ball making plays. In coming freshman Manti Te'O, aka the Hawaiian Hitman, is the biggest defensive recruit to come to Notre Dame since Kory Minor was rocking the black shield. Te'O is literally a man among boys. He will have as much of an impact on the defense as a freshman as Michael Floyd had last season for the offense. He is that good and will leave Notre Dame once his mission is complete: Destroy USC. Senior Toryan Smith will be solid at the MIKE and Darius Fleming will have at least 8 sacks this season at the SAM LB position. The great thing about the front 7 of the Irish this season is most all of these guys are big, strong, and can fly and will be successful in Jon Tenuta's aggressive, blitz-happy defense.

Their secondary is the best in the nation. Yes, I said it. Cornerbacks Darrin Walls and Robert Blanton are both shut down. Their back ups, Raeshon McNeil and Gary Gray would start almost anywhere in the country but at Notre Dame they will be counted on to fill in and just be badass cover corners. I'm talking Air Traffic Control with those 4 guys plus you have a Jamoris Slaughter who Irish fans will love to see on the playing field in 2009 because of how smooth, quick, and his ability to lay out people with his frame will have you scratching your head in amazement. The safeties are led by seniors Kyle McCarthy and Sergio Brown. I absolutely love watching these guys play because you can tell how much they want to get their hands on that pigskin and take it back for 6. Harrison Smith, Dan McCarthy, and freshman Zeke Motta will all see significant time and are budding stars who will keep the tradition going in 2010 and beyond. This defense combined is going to put a lot of fear into opponents and they will create a ton of turnovers.

Make no mistake people, 2009 was the year I pointed out back in 2006 as the year the Irish finally returned to elite. Now it's only 10 days away till it comes to fruition. Believe the hype because Notre Dame is for real. I can't fucking wait! Can you?

SENATOR ROBERT "BARBARIC" BYRD REACTS TO OUR NEW VICK SHIRT



Ok, so maybe I lied a little bit about his reaction to the new "Hide your Beagle, Vick's an Eagle" shirt we introduced last night. Sure the "Barbaric" Senator from West Virginia is breaking down upon hearing Teddy Kennedy's death this morning but it might as well have been my reaction to seeing the final design of another one of our new NFL inspired shirts.


Brings tears to these eyes. December 6th in the Dome can't come soon enough. The Battle of the Birds. Matty Ice vs. BadNewzEagles.

Visit our store page to get the new shirt.

If you don't buy one then you are simply being BARBARIC!!!!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

CHRIS COOLEY VS. WASPS AND YELLOW JACKETS

It's good to see Washington Redskin's tight end Chris Cooley has one of the same issues I have had in the past: how in the fuck do you kill those pesky yellow jackets and wasps? They are everywhere during the summer and are the most annoying thing other than a Mexican driving 35 mph on the highway. So how do you kill them? Apparently a cowboy hat, a video camera, two cans of bug spray, and constant persistence for the hive...



It's just a matter of time before PETA sends the Cooley's a mean letter.

A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR TUESDAY

Ever since I got back from Vegas I've had about zero time to actually sit and relax but honestly who gives a shit, I would rather be busy. The only thing that bothers me is I have had absolutely no time to sit and write some blogs. I've been too busy going back and forth, shipping out t-shirts (big stinky pinkies to all of you out there) in mass quantities to as far away as Australia. We got more shirts coming out as we have been inundated with constant requests for new ones. We even got some requests for some pro-Michigan and pro-USC shirts. Well being a Notre Dame and SEC fan I got 2 words for all y'all Wolverines and Trojans blowhards. It's basically what my bank card told me in Vegas when I tried to withdrawal 2K for some roulette...

Monday, August 24, 2009

STILL HURTIN FROM VEGAS, BUT THIS MADE ME LAUGH



Old Frenchy hitting into an unassisted triple play to end the game. That is something you don't see everyday. You know what else you don't see: dead hookers. Nope, I didn't see any in Vegas. Swear to God.

Video HT: WithLeather

Thursday, August 20, 2009

VIVA LAS VEGAS!



I am off to Las Vegas for a little coming of passage called the bachelor party. Things will get rough, lives will be changed, and babies will be affected. After much consideration and insight from the Sportscrack nation I have decided to go with Charleston Southern and the +73 points against Florida. I'm putting Carlos' college fund on it so you jackoffs better have it right...



I will see all of you on Monday. Hopefully. Any good lawyers out there?

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

GOING TO VEGAS TOMORROW, SHOULD I BET ON THE GATORS TO COVER A HUGE SPREAD?


Tomorrow I am boarding a plane for Vegas for my buddy Chuck's bachelor party and was thinking about throwing down some bets on the opening weekend of college football. One line stood out to me from week 1. The Florida Gators are 73 point favorites over Charleston Southern according to USA Today's Danny Sheridan. Ten touchdowns and a fucking field goal favorites are the defending champion Gators! I know these teams are two total mismatches but you don't think the Gators will be running up the score this early being #1 preseason do you?

I need the help of the Sportscrack Nation. Do I bet on Florida not covering the -73 or shall I say fuck it, the Gators are going to dismantle them and win by at least 80? Leave your comments below.

WELCOME BACK BRITNEY SPEARS

Y'ALL, Britney Spears made an appearance on Late Show with David Letterman doing the "Top Ten Ways the Country Would be Different if Britney Spears were President" and I must say, it looks like she is back in a good way...


I give her two more years of solid clean living till she makes her way back to dysfunctional crazy Mom and accepts a spot on Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab. Speaking of Celebrity Rehab have you seen their cast of characters for the new season? Not trying to sound gay or anything but this season should be very entertaining with Mindy McCready (aka Roger Clemens mistress talking about his shrunken mansack), NBA great Dennis Rodman, Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss, actor Tom Sizemore, bassist Mike Starr from Alice in Chains (one of the more underrated bands of all-time) among others dishing out their daily addictions and problems on national television. Now that is entertainment folks that make you, me, and everybody else feel good about themselves.

WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY


A joke for you on this glorious bastard of a day they like to call Hump for some reason...

"Why I fired my Secretary"

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that
morning..

I went downstairs for breakfast
hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
'Happy Birthday!',
and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out,
she barely said good morning,
let alone
' Happy Birthday.'

I thought....

Well, that's marriage for you,
but the kids...
They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
and didn't say a word..
So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low
and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office,
my secretary Jane said,
'Good Morning Boss,
and by the way
Happy Birthday ! '
It felt a little better
that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock ,
when Jane knocked on my door
and said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me..'
I said, 'Thanks, Jane,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day.
Let's go !'

We went to lunch.
But we didn't go
where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro
with a private table.
We had two martinis each
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office,
Jane said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office,
Do We ?'

I responded,
'I guess not.
What do you have in mind ?'
She said,
'Let's drop by my apartment,
it's just around the corner.'

After arriving at her apartment,
Jane turned to me and said,



' Boss, if you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment.
I'll be right back.'
'Ok.' I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and,
after a couple of minutes,
she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed
by my wife,
my kids,
and dozens of my friends
and co-workers,
all singing 'Happy Birthday'.


And I just sat there....

On the couch...

Naked.


HT: Joe

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

BRETT FAVRE IS A LYING ASSHOLE...AGAIN



Honestly I could care two shits if Brett Fav-re plays another down of NFL Football. I have tried and manipulated all my strength and will power to just ignore another offseason of bullshit in regards to Favre's retirement because I have no vested interest in Brett Favre. I don't like him or the Green Bay Packers or any other NFL team he wants to contaminate at this point. What I do care about is some guy making up his fucking mind and sticking with it. Quarterbacks are suppose to be committed to their team because unlike the other positions on the field they can directly affect the outcome. Favre on the other hand is just looking for the money. Favre has now become the Roger Clemens of the NFL. He was once beloved in Green Bay (maybe the Cheeseheads still love him because of the 3 MVPs and Super Bowl ring) and now he is playing for one of their biggest rivals in Minnesota. Like Clemens he says he is retired only to come back for the 3,436th time. If the Vikings were offering him $2 million and a little backdoor blow job action on a boat he would have told them to fuck off. But they didn't and finally caved to his and more importantly his agent's demand for more money and less training camp action despite having a bum shoulder and an ego that needs to be stroked more often than a coked up Peter North.

I say I shouldn't care about Fav-re and I really don't want to but the fucking guy won't go away. If he would just put on his fucking Wranglers, mow the grass, and shut the fuck up and not lie about retiring then nobody would care about him besides the Packers fanatics and Peter King. But nevertheless here we are. He won't stay in Mississippi. Another offseason of bullshit. Now Favre has become the official villain of the NFL. He wants to be the villain now. He has embraced the dark side, or purple if you prefer, and now will be playing in a comfortable 70 degree Dome instead of the frozen tundra of Lambeau. I'm shocked any team would put up with his shit especially considering the guy is 39 years old (translates to 108 years in normal human life) and all he ever does these days is lead the league in throwing bad interceptions.

Look at him and talk about him, that is what Brett Favre wants. He needs the attention. He loves it more than Michael Jackson loved to suck cock. I wish the media would just ignore him and tell him to go home and leave us alone. So from now on I will ignore any story involving #4. I promise. Wait, what did Fav-re just say to Chris Mortenson? Fucking Fav-re!

RICH DICKS

18 DAYS



Till Golden Tate, Michael Floyd, and what now appears to be freshman sensation Shaq Evans unleash the newest version of AFROS (America's Finest Receivers on Saturday) to College Football.

Monday, August 17, 2009

DON'T PLAY THIS GUY IN H.O.R.S.E


Behind-the-back trick basketball shot extraordinaire Bruce Manley has a new video out with more amazing shots. This kid should just challenge anybody to a game of H.O.R.S.E. There is no way you can beat him when he is bouncing balls off of other basketballs into the hoop.

SEANTREL HENDERSON TO VISIT NOTRE DAME


The nation's #1 offensive tackle, Minnesota's Seantrel Henderson, has set his five official visits for this fall according to his dad Sean via ESPN Blog.

"I definitely know his five official visits," Sean Henderson said. "He will visit Ohio State, Oklahoma, Florida, USC and Notre Dame.

"So far he has Ohio State Sept. 12. Notre Dame will probably be Oct. 17. And USC is Nov. 28 tentatively."

Seantrel will visit Ohio State the weekend the Buckeyes play USC. Oct. 17 is the weekend the Irish take on USC. The weekend of Nov. 28 the Trojans play UCLA.

"He is going to the Oklahoma-Texas game just to watch," Sean Henderson said. "I'm not sure when he will make his official visit to Oklahoma. And I'm not sure about the date for his Florida visit."
Henderson plays at Cretin-Derham HS which has long been considered a Notre Dame feeder high school (Michael Floyd, Rashon Powers-Neal, Ryan Harris among others) but Henderson was rumored to not have much if any interest in attending Notre Dame. Now that he has scheduled his official visit for the October 17th against USC it appears the Irish at least have a shot. Henderson is the type of player who could step on campus anywhere next season and start right away. He is that good of a lineman. Hopefully he goes blue and gold and not cardinal and gold. I would hate to go against him every year.

JAY CUTLER IS STILL LOVED IN DENVER


Denver Broncos fans are still having a hard time moving past the Jay Cuntler era. Even kids are burning his jersey these days. How long before Chicago Bears fans do the same thing? Cutler has already managed to blame Devin Hester for an interception he threw in his opening preseason game. Never mind that he threw off his back foot and lofted a 40 yard pass perfectly into Bills cornerback Leodis McKelvin hands. It was Hester's fault and there is no reason to doubt the great Jay Cuntler. I mean look at all that he has accomplished in the NFL. Ok, nothing really but he thinks he is better than Dan Marino and John Elway combined. If you were to ask me who is my #1 hated athlete right now I would have to say Cutler. I don't even like the Broncos and I hate him. The guy is just a complete asshole. He brings back fond memories of Michael Vick during his playing days. Vick would never take blame and wouldn't put in the time to get better and be a leader. But at least he wasn't a down right cry baby bitch like Cutler has been since he signed out of Vandy. His sense of entitlement is laughable. I feel bad for Chicago Bears fans. They deserve better. If Sexy Rexy can take them to a Super Bowl then Cutler better win one.

SIGN MY BABY NICK SABAN!



No doubt about it, Alabama loves their Crimson Tide. Who the hell else would let Nick Saban put his dirty fingers on their newborn much less put their devilish signature on the toddler? This baby is so fucked! We might as well rename the kid Lucifer. Saban's left thumb is more creepy than a Catholic priest whispering in your ear that everything is going to be "ok."

Not like I would know how that feels...forgive me father. I got to go.

Image HT: Deadspin

Y.A. YANG SAYS "KISS THIS FIST TIGER!"


Tiger Woods should be ashamed of himself. He had a 2 stroke lead going into Sunday's final round at the PGA Championship. He had never lost a lead in a major till yesterday. Fucking loser! South Korea's Y.A. Yang stuck his fist right up Tiger's a-hole and showed him how to hit some clutch shots. Yang's chip-in for an eagle at 14 was just a precursor to his brilliant 2nd shot on the 18th and final hole. He fucking nailed it and more importantly hit his putts unlike Tiger. Yesterday I would have smoked Tiger at a game of putt-putt by at least 5 strokes. Simply Tiger couldn't handle the pressure of losing to an Asian. He crumbled to a 75 on national television.

Tiger Woods is human after all. No majors in a calendar year for the first time since 2004. Pathetic. He should hang up the clubs and pursue and bang all the foreign nannies. As far as I can see he hasn't lost in that category yet.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

NEW SHIRTS: MATTY ICE AND GINAS FOOTBALL



We have been making shirts now for almost 4 years and yet these will be our very first NFL inspired shirts. Don't ask me why it has taken so long other than the fact I ate a lot of paint chips as a kid. Lead based no less and pennies also were a favorite. I'm not even kidding, my parents had to take me to the emergency room when I was 4. The first shirt is the New Jersey Ginas Football tee which popped in our head when we watched the "40 Year Old Virgin" the 7th time. We figured we could play with the East Rutherford team up there in Jersey and call them the 'Ginas.

As for the Matty Ice Atlanta Football Shirt it was pretty obvious we had to make one for the Falcon's new quarterback. He took a losing franchise which has never had back-to-back winning seasons to the playoffs in his rookie season and came awfully close to winning MVP honors. This year Matty Ice has a new toy in All-Pro Tight End Tony Gonzalez and the team should be legitimate contenders for a Super Bowl run.

So these are our first 2 National Felon League shirts. We got some more ideas popping into our heads but of course we would love to hear back from you about other ideas. Washington Deadskins? Dallas Cowgirls? Big Ben's TV repair service? We have been working on some Vick to Philly shirt ideas but haven't really nailed any dogs, sorry ideas down. Let us know and if we use your idea you get a free shirt.

Visit our NFL Store page.

Friday, August 14, 2009

HIDE YOUR DOGS



My Dad pointed out the cover of the Philly Daily News today: HIDE YOUR DOGS. I feel sorta bad being a dog owner and all because I laughed out loud when I saw the headline. Philly fans hated Michael Vick when he played for the Falcons even though he could never beat the Eagles so I can't imagine too many fans embracing this move. But let's be completely honest here, Michael Vick is a football player and not some politician and/or role model. He is still a piece of shit in my book and I'm glad he isn't on the Atlanta Falcons. If he can go to Philly and contaminate the Eagles who could be the one team the Falcons have to beat to reach the Super Bowl then I say bravo. I can already see Donovan going down with a knee injury in week 5 and then everybody including myself waiting to see Vick come out in those Eagles colors as the savior. And then he drops back to pass and he tries to juke a defender like he is running away from the DA but his quickness has eroded. Defenders are younger and some are faster than Vick now. And then he flails the ball into a linebackers hands or merely fumbles it away. This is the Michael Vick I remember for the Falcons. What is 2 years in prison going to do to his game? Certainly can't improve. You can't teach an old dog new tricks. Ask Vick himself. He has dealt with many "old" dogs.

December 6th in the Dome can not get here soon enough.

It looks like the Vick signing has the McNabb stamp of approval. This according to McNabb himself...


If Vick comes in and looks good in the preseason (which I highly, highly doubt) then there will be an all out QB controversy in Philadelphia. I don't know how this would be good for the franchise. Either way NFC fans win. If you are a New Jersey Giants fan or an Atlanta Falcons fan you have to feel pretty good today. The Eagles were serious contenders to reach the Super Bowl with their stellar offseason acquisitions of LeSean Shady McCoy and Jeremy Maclin in the draft plus getting left tackle Jason Peters from Buffalo was a huge addition looking to protect McNabb. Now all of that could be thrown out due to a Vick controversy.

But then again Vick could come in and win and Philly fans will love him because they are crazy and they want to win at all costs. Trust me, I say this having many friends who are die hard Philly sports guys. If news came out tomorrow that Cole Hamels killed Benjamin Franklin nobody in Philly would give a shit because Hamels won a ring.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

RUH ROH VICK IN PHILLY!



Pass me the popcorn fellas. This is going to be very interesting. Puppy killer Michael Vick in the city of Brotherly Love? This could have disaster written all over it. How will Donovan McNabb react to Vick being his backup? How will Andy Reid handle the press that comes with signing a player with the baggage of Michael Vick? What kind of pound puppies will the Philly faithful throw at Vick when he fumbles for the third time in a crucial game because he handles the rock like it's a hot potato? It's good to have Vick back in the NFL. He kind of just writes the blogs himself while I sit back and watch. Welcome back Vick! I can't wait to see him return to Atlanta on December 6th in the green and white. The racial tension should be fantastic.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL TAILGATER TWO-A-DAYS

3 more weeks till kickoff! Are you ready? Well you better get ready for some heavy tailgating by preparing yourself for the 2009 season. No more South Beach diet. No more date nights on Friday or Saturday. Football season is upon us so put away the tampons and get ready. Take it from these guys, they know how to prep...

OFFICIAL 2009 NOTRE DAME GAME FOOTBALLS AVAILABLE


We just got in stock the new 2009 Official Wilson Notre Dame NCAA Football. These are the same exact footballs they use starting September 5th against Nevada. Same size and weight that Golden Tate and Michael Floyd will be catching this fall. I am pricing them at half the price of what Football Fanatics offers them at so you are getting a great deal for only $99.

Be sure to order them quickly because I have limited stock. First come first serve.

Notre Dame Official Wilson Game Day Football $99

YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW YOU'RE A DOUCHEBAG?



It's been over a 100 years since the Cubs won a World Series and honestly I can't remember off the top of my head the last time the Cubs actually went to a World Series but they still have fans who act like complete douchebags. Could you imagine how insufferable Cubs fans would be if they actually won something? They would turn into the Red Sox bandwagon nation. Frightening to think of it. It looks like from the video the wrong guy got thrown out for tossing the beer onto Shane Victorino's head. Too bad. First you waste a perfectly good beer by tossing it like a drunk moron then somebody else takes the fall while you cower in your seat.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW YOU'RE GAY?

You sing fucking "Lean on Me" and call yourself a Trojan while sitting in football meetings...


You know how I know you're gay? You open up with San Jose State and your fight song sounds like the anthem to Bareback Mountain. FUSC

TAILGATE LIKE A CHAMPION SHIRT NOW IN IRISH GREEN



The Sportscrack Nation has demanded we make our popular TAILGATE LIKE A CHAMPION shirt in lucky irish green so they can represent their Irish pride on gamedays. Well, here you go. I hope you like it as much as I do. For the low price of $17 you can now get one in your favorite irish green color. If you have the navy version you are pretty much obligated to now buy the green version. Don't ask me why or question my authority! Just buy one. Plus a portion goes to a wonderful cause in the American Cancer Society so you can feel good about yourself as you Tailgate Like A Champion this fall.

TAILGATE LIKE A CHAMPION IRISH GREEN SHIRT

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

SORRY EVERYBODY

I apologize for the lack of posts lately. I've been running (actually flying and driving) from Atlanta to DC to Baltimore and now back to Atlanta the past two weeks for my other paying job. Basically I have been really f-ing busy. But now I am f-ing back and ready to give all of you a piece of my shat...


We got less than 4 weeks till football season starts so expect a lot of heavy preseason football talk from this here Sportscrack Blog. It's going to get nasty but that is the way you like it you filthy whores. Be prepared. You are warned. September 5th can't get here soon enough.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

THE GREAT MICHAEL FLOYD



32 more days till we see Michael Floyd put on the Blue and Gold and have an All-American season starting September 5th. Last season Floyd put up nearly 900 yards receiving despite missing some action due to injuries and not starting the first game. This year Floyd will put up over 1200 yards receiving with 10 plus touchdown catches. Everybody in the nation wants to talk about how great Julio Jones and AJ Green were last season and for good reason. Both of those guys are stud receivers who will play on Sundays. Floyd might be better than both of them.

ERIC BERRY AND THE VOLS "WILD BOYS"



Yes that is Tennessee's dynamic safety Eric Berry with some sort of chain around his neck posing shirtless in front of Lamborghini with his other Volunteer teammates. And they are all shirtless too. Not gay at all. Nothing to see here. It's great to see Lane Kiffin is bringing out the Cali to the Volunteer state.

You can go ahead and purchase the official Tennessee shirt for 2009. Not that there is anything wrong with it...