Every Monday morning should start off with Kate Upton. Every. Single. Monday. Kate was in Miami doing some fashion show that I'm way too lazy to even care because OMG she is bouncing everywhere. Anyways enough of the talk. Happy Monday SportsCrack heads.
Via Hollywood Tuna
You gotta love the smell of fresh fecal matter on this statement released from ESPN today...
"There was never any suspension or any other form of disciplinary action. We took the time to review his upcoming work assignments in light of the book to which he contributed and will manage any conflicts or other issues as needed. Bruce has resumed his assignments."
Video via SportsGrid
Unless you have been hiding underneath a massive rock on a deserted island you have heard about the grave injustice ESPN committed yesterday in suspending indefinitely college football writer Bruce Feldman for his involvement with the Mike Leach book Swing Your Sword. It was strange considering he got permission from ESPN to help coauthor the book. SportsByBrooks.com broke the story yesterday and immediate outrage was felt throughout the media world with seismic rumbles going through Twitter and Facebook in support of Feldman for simply doing his job. Rival colleagues and fellow writers all came to Feldman's defense while ESPN isn't saying anything. It all comes down to Mike Leach's dismissal at Texas Tech two years ago in which ESPN's own Craig James son Adam was the main reason why Leach lost his job due to "electrical closet" situation. Turns out it was all bullshit and Leach did not force Adam into a closet after a concussion. ESPN failed to mention any of the actual facts on the case and continued to slander Leach with the help of a PR firm employed by the Pony himself Craig. Apparently James has so much pull at ESPN he has become the modern day Illuminati (credit to Drew Magary for coming up with that) of college football.
The truth is James is a douchebag and an asshole who couldn't deal with the fact his son sucked ass at football and was forced to third team tailback at Texas Tech. Instead of facing the truth James concocted a smear campaign against Adam's coach in Leach and eventually got the guy fired despite leading the Red Raiders to bowl games and wins over the #1 teams such as Texas. Unfortunately the James train claimed another victim yesterday in Feldman who by all accounts is a honest, diligent, and great college football writer who was simply doing his job. The little guy got the shaft. FUCK ESPN and FUCK Craig James.
And to top it all off James is playing dumb on his twitter:
craigjames32 craig james
Respected colleague & friend of Feldman since early 90's. Surprised! Saw this in news like y'all
This week we got so many submissions I had to eliminate by default and keep them stored up for next week. I think if we stick with the alliteration and go with five friday funbags it's just about right. You don't want to overload it you know? So we start off with Brooklyn Decker...
Moving along to Braveheart's Sophie Marceau with a little red carpet slippage...
And we end with Melissa Satta. Somehow I'm just discovered this Italian beauty who is married to some soccer player who's name I could give two shits to remember. The world needs more Melissa Satta.
Talk about some news coming out of left field today the NCAA came down on Georgia Tech with a hefty fine of $100,000, taking away their 2009 ACC football championship, and placing them on four years probation all because Demaryius Thomas accepted $312 in free clothing from a friend. Wait a second! That can't be right. Let me check my facts again.
Yep. The NCAA laid the hammer down on Georgia Tech because they got the feeling Tech officials weren't cooperating with them during their investigation into both the football and basketball programs. Since Tech had previous "violations" back in the late 90's they are considered a repeat violator and hence the hefty fine and the stripping of the ACC Championship flag.
Listen we all know who won the shitty ACC football conference in 2009. Tech. Today's NCAA ruling does nothing when it comes to people's perceptions of which team actually won in front of a half filled stadium in Jacksonville. Absolutely nothing. What hurts is the $100K fine. Who pays that? Does a booster just reach in his pocket and write a check or does the program suffer with less scholarships to give? I honestly don't know how it works.
Looking at the big picture I'm surprised the NCAA made such a big deal out of Thomas accepting some free clothing from a friend. I obviously don't know all the facts but if I was in college on academic scholarship (I know I'm laughing as I type it) and somebody offered me some free clothing at Gap or Old Navy I sure as hell would accept it. But the thing is the person on academic scholarship wouldn't suffer from public ridicule and their academic program wouldn't be slammed with a hefty fine because of some free clothing. It's kind of stupid when you think about it.
But anyways now on to the big picture. What happens to the football programs at Ohio State, North Carolina, and Oregon? They all committed more serious "violations" where money was exchanged and coaches and compliance departments tried to cover up the infractions. Do they get the "death penalty" since Tech got hammered today for $312 in free clothing?
What do you think?
Full disclosure: I didn't watch one second of last night's ESPY's. I'm not a big fan of award shows and it just seems like a lot of ass kissing and networking goes on with these kind of things. I watched Seth Meyers opening monologue today and I thought he did a pretty good job. He was funny but when you have a room full of uptight rich athletes and celebrities who are more sensitive than Jimmer Fredette's girlfriend chastity belt the comedy seems to fall on deaf ears. But enough of that bullshit. The best part of the ESPY's from what I can gather since I didn't watch them was Brooklyn Decker and Entourage's Emmanuelle Chriqui. Both just came out full force last night. They formed the perfect storm of hotness. Tall blonde with big boobs and the petite dark brunette. Good stuff. And both came without their significant others.
Sorry ladies I was busy. Next time I'll accept the invitation when it's a real award show. You know something more serious like the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards.
Pictures via DailyMail
The reigning World Series Champs have been labeled a Band of Misfits by the local media and if you have seen the antics of closer Brian Wilson and Aubrey Huff in the past you know that tonight's "The Franchise" on Showtime should at least be somewhat entertaining. I'm always interested to know what goes on behind the scenes and learn more about the players in regards to normal daily activity and that is why I'm such a huge fan of "Hard Knocks" and "24/7" shows on HBO. You get a peak into what you would never see just by watching the game. Hopefully Showtime's "The Franchise" is as well produced and directed as those shows. The above clip shows a little of what Buster Posey is facing in terms of rehab and getting back physically as well as mentally into the game he loves. Hopefully they focus on Posey's gnarly left leg and not all the BS that surrounded the "we must protect the catchers" crusade that went on only after Posey was lost for the season. Of course anything with Wilson in it should be highly entertaining. The guy is naturally funny and I don't think he is going to hold anything back like a Jeter or an Arod would. I would love to see how the rookies get hazed and get to meet Tim Lincecum's dealer and see Miguel Tejada's smiling face. If you love baseball then I think tonight's "The Franchise" is way more of a must-see than last night's All-Star Game. At least we won't have to listen to Joe Buck bitch and moan about Derek Jeter not making it to the All-Star Game. Plus this should have cursing and fart jokes. At least I hope so since every dugout I've ever played in was full of those two.
Oh and if you work for Showtime on this show and are reading this which is highly unlikely please dive into the road beef. I know it's risky for the players who are married so by all means avoid that but I want to see what the single guys are doing after a ballgame. I know it's not going to look like the '86 Mets but I expect a little bit of hookers and blow on the side. It's only American.
Video via ExtraMustard
I just wanted to point some things out. Justin Timberlake was born on January 31st. Wow, so was I. JT doesn't care much for Joe Buck and his smarmy voice. Me neither. JT enjoys hanging out at the pool with the ladies. Well who doesn't? Timberlake thinks beer is food. So do I. Why am I pointing out all this? Because I always thought I had a long lost twin. My parents would even tell me about him. They gave him up for adoption because they didn't want Marvin (Justin is a much better name now) to be jealous of myself because I was the good looking one with all the talent. It's good to see Marvin has gone on to do better things with his life and not let his deformities both inside and out effect his career in entertainment. We can't all be MFCEO's of SportsCrack LLC Marvin. I'm proud of you Justin. Don't hesitate to call me if you ever need pointers on how to hook up with the ladies.
By the way the National League won 5-1 and Prince Fielder was named MVP after hitting a 3-run bomb thus shutting up those fucking imbeciles in Arizona who kept on booing him because he didn't put Justin Upton in the home run derby. Who's got the last laugh now you fucking cactus fuckers?
I got texts all weekend from some of my college buddies up in Philly who were in attendance watching the Phillies take 2 of 3 from the Bravos. I don't want to point them out (Rivells and Edwards) because that would just be wrong. Of course they handled the series win with class because if Philly fans are anything they are the Derek Jeter of fans. Just all around class acts. No F bombs thrown. No making fun of Atlanta and their attendance woes.
In all seriousness I respect the Philly fans. They have passion. You can't argue with that. And since most of them are borderline retarded (seriously Geno's and Pats both have shitty cheesesteaks) you just have to feel sorry for them. So go ahead and make fun of the tomahawk chop and call Chipper Larry and throw your batteries. The Braves will be ready in October.
Phuck The Phillies!
I've been getting emails left and right about my thoughts on this "fight" in which no actual punches were landed. The Red Sox were again kicking the shit out of the Orioles thanks to an 8 run first inning. They were up 10-3 in the 8th inning and the game was in hand. Baltimore reliever Kevin Gregg who doesn't have the best of control to begin with decides to pitch to the inside of the plate. David Ortiz, or Big Pussy as everyone calls him, took umbrage because god forbid a pitch might actually hit him. Apparently the Dominican Shrek thinks anything thrown near his ogre ass is like pissing in his coffee. It's part of the fucking game. Gregg has as much right to the inside of the plate as you do you fucking Mongoloid. If anybody needed proof that Ortiz is back on the juice then all you need to do is see this roid rage episode. Was Gregg wrong for yelling at him to run the bases when he hit the lazy pop fly? Oh yeah. That's Terry Francona's job. But if you are going to charge the mound and try to "fight" why don't you actually try to land something instead of playing tummy sticks with Gregg.
I always suspected Ortiz was a fraud. This only helped seal the deal. The guy needs help. He needs to be tested and clearly he has problems if he is roid raging on the last place Orioles over some pitches near his shriveled up mansack. Anything less than an 8 game suspension just proves the MLB caters to those Massholes. 
According to inside sources at Georgia expected starting tailback Caleb King has been ruled academically ineligible for 2011. In other words bring on the Isaiah Crowell-era.
King never lived up to his enormous potential while in Athens and now is the chance for incoming freshman Crowell to make a Marcus Lattimore impact on the Georgia Bulldogs program. Crowell will be the first person to get a handoff in the Georgia Dome against Boise State come September and if he stays healthy should get at least 20-25 carries a game. You hate to put a season all on one player and really it's not fair because football is a team game but if Georgia wants to go back to being a respectful SEC power they will need Crowell to have a huge season. Not a 750-1000 yard season. They need LaMichael James production out of his young legs.
Do I think he can do it? Sure he can. Why not? He has the skills and athletic ability to be the best collegiate tailback in the nation. But if you are Georgia fan you should feel uneasy about relying on a true freshman to carry the load and take you to the promise land. We aren't talking about Herschel Walker here. They only come around once every 50 years if you are lucky.
New preseason prediction: Georgia 7-5 with another shitty bowl appearance.
Well I guess this is just the first step in their recovery. Still in denial the Ohio State University vacated all of it's football wins in 2010 including the Sugar Bowl victory over Arkansas and the win over arch rival Michigan. They also imposed a two year probation on it's program which basically doesn't mean anything. They aren't going to take away scholarships or future bowl appearances. This quite frankly won't be enough to avoid the wrath of the NCAA. It's like putting a band aid on Brutus asshole. You can still see and smell the shit when it comes out.
The good news is Ohio State isn't taking any responsibility. Nope they are throwing all their eggs at Jim Tressel.
An "embarrassed" Ohio State University is wiping its stellar 2010 football season from the record books as self-imposed punishment for major NCAA violations.
But it is not suggesting that the team lose scholarships or be banned from postseason play.
In a response submitted today to the NCAA, Ohio State admits allegations that then-coach Jim Tressel lied and allowed ineligible players to compete by failing to report that they had sold OSU-issued memorabilia to a tattoo-parlor owner.
Ohio State concedes major violations of NCAA regulations but says it should not face harsher punishment, because no OSU official other than Tressel was aware of player violations, according to the response that was obtained by The Dispatch.
"The responsibility is upon Tressel. No other institutional personnel were aware" of the violations, and the former coach failed in his obligation to report them, the response says. "The institution is embarrassed by the actions of Tressel."
I'm thinking the above picture gets the NFL Lockout over with. Friday Funbags is back for another edition. This week the submissions were pretty weak. I don't know if it's the heat of the summer and some of you are fading faster than the Baltimore Orioles but I really need y'all to step up your game and start playing like the Atlanta Bravos. I know it's fucking hot as shit and life is miserable but funbags make everything better. So please send in some more pics. I want tailgate pics too. You aren't just doing it for yourself or me. You are doing it for mankind and future generations. You can set the example. Now go out there and kick some funbags!
Kenny Powers is back and is now the new CEO of K Swiss. I'm not going to lie. I used to hate K Swiss shoes. They were fucking awful and when I wore them back in college my feet were literally bleeding from the narrow fit. But all that has changed my friends. Last year K Swiss was nice enough to send me a free pair of the Tubes. No strings attached they just wanted me to have them and give them a shot and see what I thought about them. They mentioned they saw my blog post about them in which I pretty much shit in their shoe and left it at the front step after ringing the doorbell. Well guess what? The new K Swiss Tubes are the fucking shit! In a good way. I've been wearing mine for over 6 months and they still feel comfortable as shit. They don't smell like cat urine like my Nike Shox either. And considering I got 2 titanium rods and 21 screws in my left leg (this is the part where you feel sorry for me and buy SportsCrack shirts) from a freak football injury I'm very particular about how my shoes feel and the support they offer.
In other words go buy some fucking Tubes. Now. And if I'm Kenny Powers and I'm the new CEO I make Matt Munoz the president. The kid knows his shit and knows how to sell a product. And if K Swiss wants to send me some more FREE Tubes that would be excellent. You know where to reach me.
I watched this last night and felt sick to my stomach when I heard Shannon Stone, a 39 year-old Rangers fan who brought his son to the game, fell to his death last night trying to catch a foul ball thrown in the stands from Josh Hamilton. I'm kind of surprised this doesn't happen more often. You always see fans leaning over the upper deck railing trying to catch a foul ball and wonder if they could fall over with a slip or some asshole tried to push them to get to the ball. But this kind of thing is just tragic. I feel horrible for the kid who just witnessed his Dad die trying to catch him a souvenir. I don't even know how you shake something like that. Hopefully the kid is young enough where he won't quite remember it when he is older. I think it's safe to say if this kind of awful shit happened to me at that young of an age I would not be a baseball fan. I would stick with a safer spectator "sport" like Nascar.
Via TheBigLead
I'm not sure what was more inappropriate: the boob grab or the Orioles were up 2-0 on the Red Sox at the time. The Red Sox baseball announcers Jerry Remy and Don Orsillo handle it with class and dignity by giggling like little girls high on pot brownies. I think a more appropriate response and obviously more mature would have been to make a honking noise in a Peter Griffin voice. But that's just me. HONK HONK!
Via TheBigLead
I've been working on some college football articles for the upcoming season and one of those was the annual "INSTANT IMPACT FRESHMAN" I do every summer. Unfortunately it looks like I'm going to have to cut out one of those players in Dee Hart, the tailback out of Orlando, who was expected to get significant playing time behind Trent Richardson this season in Tuscaloosa. Not now with a torn ACL.
One of Alabama's most promising freshmen, running back Dee Hart, suffered what his high school running backs coach said was a torn ACL during a 7-on-7 passing drill on Tuesday night.
Alabama officials are waiting to release any details, but multiple reports have Hart scheduled for surgery on Thursday morning. He's expected to miss the 2011 season and hopes to be back in seven to 10 months.
Ok I'm sure some if not all of you know I'm a huge Notre Dame fan. It started at my first game back in the late 80's up in South Bend when I got a chance to meet all the players while staying at an average at best hotel in Plymouth, Indiana the night before the game. Ever since I meet Ricky Watters, Rocket, Tony Rice, Tony Brooks, Chris Zorich, Jerome Bettis, and many others I've been hooked. Notre Dame was not only the elite of the elite back then they had good guys who were all class acts and played hard every single snap. Unfortunately it's been hard to find a consistent Notre Dame squad since the early 90's that have displayed a passion on and off the field throughout the season. And of course win.
But hopefully all that changes with 2nd year head coach Brian Kelly. He's already brought back the Lou Holtz feel with the passion and drive and all out execution from top to bottom in the way he develops his program. He handles adversity and seems to have the Irish headed back to the glory Fighting days when they would never give up until the final whistle was blown on Saturdays. Last season he brought in elite defensive recruits with the likes of Aaron Lynch, Stephon Tuitt, Ishaq Williams, Ben Councell and many others to help form what will hopefully become a dominant bunch in the near future. I've gone on record saying in order for his second true recruiting class to be a success he needs to land at least one feature tailback like Keith Marshall out of North Carolina. I'm having serious doubts whether Marshall will even give ND a chance and I'm hearing he is pretty much a lock for Georgia.
But I'm not hear to talk about Marshall. I'm here to give you some good news Irish fans. I'm talking about getting some more elite defensive linemen. Some of the big guys in the trenches that help you win games. I'm talking about Jarron Jones who just recently decommitted from Penn State after taking a visit to Notre Dame. The 6'5 308 lbs defensive tackle from Rochester, New York has Fighting Irish written all over him. He's a top 100 national recruit and after watching his film he should bring back fond memories of Bryant Young who once dominated for the Blue and Gold...
The other guy I want to talk about is Arik Armstead. He's a 5 star defensive end who is currently a USC commit but is looking to bolt for the right school. He wants to play hoops too and he has hopes of visiting Notre Dame on an official this fall. I got a real good feeling this 6'8 280 lb strongside defensive end from Elk Grove, California picks Notre Dame when the ink dries on National Signing day.
Last recruiting cycle ND Nation was drooling at the thought of guys with the talent of Lynch, Tuitt, and Ishaq playing next to one another in the same class. This season you should feel the same about Jones and Armstead. Getting these two is the difference between being a good team and being a great team in my opinion. It's that good old fashion feeling you had as a Notre Dame fan back in the late 80's that you knew your team wouldn't allow the other team to score on you. With these two in the fold Notre Dame would definitely be back.
