Another Bizarre Commitment Scene: FSU Gets RB Khalan Laborn in a Lamborghini

RB Khalan Laborn just rolled up to the field in this Lambo and committed to Florida State pic.twitter.com/cnpDtyPqNc

— Josh Newberg (@joshnewberg247) July 8, 2016

Yeah I don't think the NCAA or FSU compliance is going to be looking into this commitment at all.  4-star RB Khalan "Lambo" Laborn showed up to Nike's The Opening Camp in Oregon this weekend driving a Lamborghini with FSU stickers on it.  Nothing suspicious at all to see here folks.  Move it along.

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Gotta hand it to FSU on this one.  If you wanna compete with the likes of the SEC you gotta pay good money for talent.  And Laborn is a legit talent.

Now I am going to wait for the next big commitment move.  Maybe somebody will shoot out JoePa's ashes out of a cannon for a cool Penn State commitment.  Or do a big line of coke off a hooker on a boat for Miami!  The possibilities are endless! 

Star Athlete C.J. Holmes Picks Notre Dame By Catching a Leprechaun

B/R Commitment Week: 4-star @CjHo1mes fishes for his school #BRCommitmentWeekhttps://t.co/VJya4qCAmf

— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) July 8, 2016

I gotta give it to these kids these days.  The originality is off the chains with these football commitments.

4 Star Athlete C.J. Holmes picked Notre Dame over the likes of Alabama, Tennessee, and Michigan with this rather hilarious fishing video.  HE CAUGHT HIMSELF A LEPRECHAUN!

Last season Notre Dame used star athlete C.J. Prosise (converted safety/wide receiver) at the tailback position because of the departure of transfer Greg Bryant and the injury to starter Tarean Folston.  Prosise exploded on the scene and went on to rush for over 1000 yards with 11 TDs while parlaying into an early draft pick for the Seattle Seahawks.  Holmes has many of the same qualities as Prosise not just including their first names.  Notre Dame sold Holmes on the ability to use him as a playmaker on the offensive side of the ball and I think he's one of the top 5 all-purpose backs in the nation.  Both have a similar build but Holmes looks like he has better hands and is a little more smooth running between the tackles.

Holmes made his first trip to South Bend in June for the Irish Invasion.  He left there making the biggest impression among the elite prep stars who attended the one-day camp.  Holmes was blown away by the campus, staff, and the emphasis on being a "student-athlete" and not just a football player.  Today he made his commitment known while attending the Nike Camp called the Opening.

Getting a star athlete like Holmes is huge for Notre Dame because of his versatility.  He can be a star tailback, receiver, or even defensive player.  The ND staff has told Holmes his first spot will be RB and will use him like they did Prosise during his senior season.  Sign me up for that.  Always nice to have a tailback with home run break-away ability.

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Here are some junior season highlight of C.J. Holmes...

Notre Dame and Michigan to Renew Heated Rivalry in 2018 and 2019

It's true.

We'll see you on Sept. 1, 2018, @umichfootball. pic.twitter.com/G1NJ70Drvm

— Notre Dame Football (@NDFootball) July 7, 2016

This is not only a great day for Notre Dame and Michigan football fans but all of college football fans.  Ever since the heated rivalry ended in 2014 college football fans have been clamoring to get this series back.  It's been in my lifetime one of the classic early season match ups between the two winningest college football programs all-time.

UND.com released a press statement on the renewal of the series...

The University of Notre Dame and University of Michigan athletic departments announced jointly on Thursday a two-year, home-and-home football series beginning in 2018.

Notre Dame and Michigan will play September 1, 2018, at Notre Dame Stadium, and October 26, 2019, at Michigan Stadium in Ann Arbor.

“Today is a great day for Notre Dame, Michigan and college football fans across the country,” says Notre Dame vice president and James E. Rohr Director of Athletics Jack Swarbrick. “Shortly after Warde Manuel was hired as Michigan’s athletic director, he and I began working to make this renewal of the series possible. That we could get games on the schedule as soon as ’18 and ’19 required a lot of work by our staffs and some great cooperation by the Big Ten, ACC and other schools that were on our future schedules.

“While the schedule commitments of both Notre Dame and Michigan make an annual series impractical, we’re optimistic that additional games can be scheduled in the future.”

"I’m excited to see Notre Dame and Michigan, two brand-name programs, get back together on the football field,” says Irish head coach Brian Kelly. “Both programs have a long and storied history of success. We’re talking about the two winningest programs in all of college football. 

“We’ve wanted to make this happen for quite some time. We wouldn’t be able to make today’s announcement without the work from Jack (Swarbrick) and other members of our administration. This is a win for everyone involved, not just those at either institution, but both fan bases and fans across the entire college football landscape.”

On a personal level I'm thrilled Michigan is back on the Notre Dame schedule.  ND replaced Michigan with Texas on their schedule and while it's exciting (I'll be in Austin!) it doesn't make the blood boil or goosebumps tingle when you talk about the classic ND vs Michigan games.  These two programs fan bases hate each other and now with Jim Harbaugh back in the Maize and Blue I'm sure there will be more fuel to the fire.

Catholics vs Khakis should be a top 10 college football game every season.  In 2018 and 2019 whomever wins the game will have the inside track to the College Football Playoff.  You can't beat that if you are a college football fan.

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In Today's Strange Commitment News: OL Kai-Leon Herbert Picks Michigan By Killing Walking Dead Zombies

B/R Commitment Week: 4-star OT @KHerb17 fights off zombies #BRCommitmentWeekhttps://t.co/9I9r12rAlY

— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) July 6, 2016

You know Jim Harbaugh loves this shit.  4-star offensive lineman Kai-Leon Herbert teamed up with Bleacher Report to produce this "Walking Dead" commitment video to Michigan.  Just two years ago Michigan was a walking dead program but now thanks to the infusion of Harbaugh khakis the Wolverines are now getting the top prospects from around the nation.  Herbert, a Florida prospect, managed to kill off some Rutgers zombies (they still have a football program?) and all the other Big Ten programs chasing after him in order to reveal a Michigan shirt underneath his blood-soaked tampon shirt.  I'll take these videos all day over the boring, played-out hat game that recruits used for over a decade.

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"Last Chance U" on Netflix Looks Promising

No this isn't a documentary on the Auburn Football program.  It's actually about the East Mississippi Community College football program.  EMCC is a JUCO program who has won 3 National Titles and routinely funnels players who either fucked up or didn't have the grades coming out of high school to Division 1 programs in the future.  "Last Chance U" is a six part documentary debuting on Netflix July 29th.  In other words you can binge watch while drinking a case of beer for your typical Thursday night "date night."  I can't wait to see all talented dipshits who get multiple breaks to play for their favorite SEC program.  Players such as Bo Wallace and Chad Kelly who managed to parlay their skills into big pay days at Ole Miss.

Of Course Now BJ Upton is a Good Baseball Player Since He No Longer Plays for the Braves

It fucking figures the guy who couldn't hit his weight much less hustle while playing in Atlanta is killing it in lovely San Diego. BJ (yes it is still BJ and not fucking Melvin) Upton made one of the better plays I've ever seen when he robbed JJ Hardy last night with a Spider Man catch. To make the play even more remarkable was the fact he threw an absolute laser to first base to double up Mark Trumbo. The throw might be better than the catch. Absolutely 100% sick fucking play from BJ who hit a 465-foot bomb to dead center to lead off the game an inning before. It would have been nice to you know see this when he played for the Bravos. Instead BJ was one of the main reasons the Bravos said fuck it and destroyed the team by trading everybody with a pulse in order to "rebuild." But hey it's great to see BJ enjoying sunny San Diego while his Padres get their dicks beat in by the Baltimore Orioles.

Rio Looks Comforting to Olympic Athletes

Imagine, just for a second, you are an Olympian.  Put down the Coke and Little Debbie and think about it just for a few seconds.  You pack your new Nike gear with it's flashy colors and hefty price tag in your Louis Vutton bag.  You fly all the way down to South America where you have to worry about getting bit by a fucking mosquito that can make your kid's head the size of an orange but you say fuck it, I'm all in for the Olympics.  Zika is probably bullshit anyways you tell yourself.  I'm going to represent my country and destroy shit (vagina preferably).  US mother fucking A.  You have a nice comfortable Delta flight down.  Got a nice little cat nap while you dreamed about all the fine Brazilian ass you are about to smash.  You land and reality slaps you right in the face as soon as you get off the plane.  "WELCOME TO HELL" sign greets you and tells you won't be safe.  If you get shot they don't have any hospitals according to their bridges.  Fuck that.  I'm out.  No shiny medal or Brazilian ass is worth my life.  I don't even make it out of the airport.  But other than the imminent death sentence Rio looks very inviting.  I can't see why so many star athletes are backing out of it.  Probably has something to do with racism.  Yeah let's pull the race card.  Sounds good.  Good night.

Bill Burr's Thoughts On Stephen Curry

I don't watch much NBA but I can 100% say with certainty I would watch a shitload of it if comedian Bill Burr was doing the telecast.

If baseball wants to get more hip, cool or whatever you want to call it they should have Burr in the booth with Vin Scully.  It would be fucking brilliant television.  Laughs and deep thoughts non stop.   Think about it.  You would have Scully talking about socialism and how awful it is while Burr would be ranting about some Dominican not running hard to first base.  This needs to happen.  Think about it MLB.

And yes Stephen Curry does look like a muppet.  He certainly played like one vs the Cavs in the NBA Finals.

Watch a Drunk, Enraged Ben Affleck Go Off on the NFL in the Any Given Wednesday Premiere

15 years ago I was a huge Bill Simmons fan.  I used to read all his shit along with Hunter Thompson on ESPN's Page 2.  It was cutting edge back then.  Page 2 was basically the birth of sports blogs and Simmons had the humor and writing acumen to carry it.  So out of respect even though I no longer follow or read Simmons and the million "fucking" commercials I saw about "Any Given Wednesday" on the HBO App I decided to watch it last night.  Sir Charles Barkley was on first and it bombed surprisingly.  I love Barkley but the interview was just flat and boring talking about whether or not Lebron is a top 3 or top 10 NBA player all-time.  Who gives a shit?  I certainly did not.  But what saved Simmons and you could see the twinkle in his eye as it was happening was a shit-faced, bloated Ben Affleck going off on the NFL about DeflateGate.  Every other word was "fuck" so you know Affleck hit the bottle real good right before going on air.  It was entertaining and personally I loved the passion Affleck showed trying to defend his Golden Boy in Tom Brady vs the totalitarian fascist in Roger Goodell.  For this alone I will give "Any Given Wednesday" another viewing or two.  But if HBO could cancel Vinyl after one season I don't see how Simmon's show will make it past year one.  Simmons got a three-year deal with HBO for $20 million so maybe they try to ride the tide but I can't see a lot of viewers tuning in to hear what Simmons thinks about the NBA.  I don't think many HBO viewers give a shit including myself.  If Simmons sticks with the Jimmy Kimmel routine and gets all of his celebrity guests a little sauced up before interviews then it might have a chance of thriving on HBO.  In other words not likely.

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Cam Newton Makes It Rain in Atlanta Strip Club

When @_dc7up says there is going to be 1 million dollars in the air opening weekend, he ain't lying!!! #camnewton #MylittleAssClimbingthePole 😂🙌🏼🤑 #vliveatlanta

A video posted by PiaRose (@piarosee19) on Jun 20, 2016 at 4:36pm PDT

Reigning NFL MVP Cam Newton did some celebrating in his hometown of Atlanta by making it rain at his local strip club, V Live.  To keep a low profile Cam wore a cowboy hat, sunglasses, and jumped on stage while dancing with the strippers.  The only thing he could have done more to be less auspicious is dabbing on stage.

Braves' Chase d'Arnaud Serenades Teammate Jeff Francoeur In Miami

If you're wondering what goes on during off days on the road.... @chasedarnaud @Braves pic.twitter.com/rd7s5Bsm1b

— Jeff Francoeur (@JeffFrancoeur) June 21, 2016

The Braves, winners of 6 straight, had an off day on Monday in Miami before battling the Marlins.  What better way to catch up on some rest for the Braves then to sit at a pool all day while 3Baseman Chase d'Arnaud serenades you with sweet lullabies?  Jeff Francoeur was the victim here.  What happens on the road stays on the road.

ESPN's Live From Cavs Parade Doesn't Seem All That Exciting

Granted it's Cleveland but I would expect a little more rowdiness.  Maybe some shouting or cursing in the background.  A few gunshots.  A car honk.  Drew Carey walking aimlessly around.  Instead we get crickets as ESPN takes us to exciting Cleveland as they celebrate their first sports franchise championship in over 50 years.  Can you feel the electricity?  The NBA is fantastic!

Video via The Big Lead

The Greatest Vin Scully Has Strong Feelings About Socialism

Legendary Dodger's announcer Vin Scully coming in with the hot take on socialism.  Somewhere Bernie Sanders is shaking his head and other's people money in disagreement.

The Atlanta Braves Father's Day Uniforms Were Awesome and Need To Be Their New Road Jerseys

The Braves completed a 3-game road sweep of the stinkin' Mets yesterday in perhaps the best uniforms they have ever worn.  

Donning some Father's Day baby blue specials the Braves played their best game of the season in what has been arguably their worst ever in their 50 year Atlanta history.  

Julio Teheran looked like a young John Smoltz.  The Mets couldn't touch him.  One hit over 9 innings.  Freddie Freeman continued his hot hitting with another HR while earning NL player of the week honors in a decisive 6-0 victory. 

I'm telling you these baby blue trim road uniforms looked fucking tight on TV.  Almost like a throwback to the late 70's/early 80's disco era uniforms they were rocking in Fulton County Stadium.  I can only imagine how sweet these Father's Day special uniforms looked in person.

The Braves have now won 5 in a row.  I'm convinced these baby blue trim jerseys need to be the new road jerseys.  The Braves could just take all my money because I would 100% be rocking one of those hats and uniforms at Suntrust next season.

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It's a Miracle: Bama Gets Top Player Cam Robinson Back When All Felony Charges Dropped by DA

If you needed anymore proof that college football is king, especially in the South,  take a look at how Alabama and Nick Saban got their best player off prison time for felony possession of drugs and stolen handguns.

Straight from AL.com...

The district attorney in Monroe, La., decided not to pursue prosecution of Cam Robinson and Hootie Jones, AL.com confirmed.

The district attorney did not find sufficient evidence to prosecute, according to the county clerk's office. 

Not enough sufficient evidence huh?  They were pulled over at 2am in a park by a cop who found marijuana on both of them, a gun in Hootie Jones lap, and another stolen handgun under Robinson's seat.  I guess that isn't sufficient enough evidence to prosecute anybody, especially a couple of star football players at Alabama, for possession of a stolen gun and narcotics when the only evidence the cops have is them being arrested by the police with a stolen gun and narcotics.  Nothing to see here folks!

All this proves is Nick Saban is playing chess while other programs like Ole Miss and Auburn are playing checkers with law enforcement and the NCAA.  At this point I can't even hate Saban and Bama.  They are just in a whole different league when it comes to the rules.  No district attorney or judge is out of their reach.  That is what we call a king's dynasty.

Make Baseball Fun Again: Cubs Wilson Contreras Gets Wrigley Field Curtain Call After Hitting Home Run On First Pitch in MLB Debut

One pitch into his big league career and Willson Contreras already has a curtain call. https://t.co/rLECpdB1zs

— Baseball Is Fun (@flippingbats) June 20, 2016

I don't care if you hate the Cubs or even baseball for that matter.  What Wilson Contreras did last night was awesome and real.  The very first major league pitch he saw at the plate and he takes it deep.  And then he gets the standing ovation curtain call.  That is fucking reality television!  Not fake like Lebron James dismantled elbow and crying fiasco he displayed in the final minute of the NBA Finals last night.  This was 100% authentic and certified goosebump-worthy.

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2016 Heisman Trophy Las Vegas Odds Are Out

If you are an enthused gambler or college football fanatic or 100% degenerate like myself you love it when the 2016 Heisman Trophy Vegas Odds come out.  Bovada recently released their odds (June 7 2016) so I figured I would dissect it.

1) Deshaun Watson (QB Clemson) +350

Last year at this time Ezekiel Elliott was the Vegas favorite at +600 and he went on to finish 8th in the voting despite Ohio State only losing one game.  Being the preseason favorite is usually a kiss of death.  Every game is under a microscope starting Labor Day weekend.  Any little misstep can torpedo a Heisman.  And for this reason I wouldn't throw money on Watson.  He's the top QB in the nation for a top 5 team but I would be surprised to see him stay healthy this season.

2) Leonard Fournette (RB LSU) +400

We all know BUGA is going to get his yards.  Les Miles will feed the beast and hope Fournette can carry them to a SEC Title.  Derrick Henry won it last year because he got 25+ carries a game.  It wasn't because he was the best player in the nation.  He just had the most yards for a National Championship team.  If Fournette gets 2000 yards and 20 TDs he's going to win the Heisman.  He was the odds-on favorite in early October last year till BAMA stuffed him for 31 yards.  Likewise this year the Bama game will decide if he has a chance at taking home the hardware come December.

3) Christian McCaffery (RB Stanford) +500

I've said it before but McCaffery should have won the Heisman last year.  He had 3800 total yards (NCAA record) and finished 2nd.  This year he will have all eyes, especially defensive coordinators, on him.  I don't think he comes close to replicating or even exceeding his numbers just because every body will be keying in on him and Stanford has a new line and QB.

4) JT Barrett (QB Ohio State) +1000

If I was a betting man (HINT) this is who I would be throwing my mortgage on.  JT Barrett finished 5th as a freshman in 2014 in the Heisman because he was the starter for most of the season after Braxton Miller got hurt.  Last year he split QB duties with Cardale Jones.  This year he is the man in Columbus.  In Urban's offense and with Ohio State's favorable schedule he's going to put up monster numbers.  I see around 5000 total yards with 40 plus TDs on his stat sheet.

5) Chad Kelly (QB Ole Miss) +1200
The only way Kelly has a chance at the Heisman is if he goes on a Johnny Football type run, beats Bama, and gets Ole Miss to the SEC Championship.  In other words it's not going to happen.

6) Dalvin Cook (RB FSU) +1200

One could make a strong argument for Cook as the best back in the nation.  He will be featured again and if he can stay healthy has the ability to rush for over 1700 yards for a top 5 team.  I think at the very least he's got a shot at an invite to NYC.

7) Baker Mayfield (QB Oklahoma) +1200

Mayfield finished 4th last season in the Heisman and should be the frontrunner out of the Big 12 conference.  If Oklahoma reaches the playoffs with Mayfield leading the charge he has as good of a shot as anybody else.

8) Nick Chubb (RB Georgia) +1400

I love Chubb but he has no shot this season at the Heisman.  He's coming off a horrific knee injury vs Tennessee and will be splitting carries with Sony Michel.  Plus Georgia has a rookie coach and a freshman QB.  Those things don't equate to Heisman contender.

9) Josh Rosen (QB UCLA) +1600

No shot.  Too young and immature at this stage.  Needs to grow up and be a leader before we start talking Heisman.

10) Royce Freeman (RB Oregon) +2000

Be tough for Freeman to come out of the huge McCaffery PAC 12 shadow he casts.  A 2000 yard season gets him some serious talk but I don't think Oregon is going to be a top 20 team this season.

11) Samaje Perine (RB Oklahoma) +2000

He would have to compete with his teammate in Mayfield.  Safe bet is no real shot unless Mayfield goes down with an injury and Perine carries the team to a playoff spot like Henry did last year.

12) Calvin Ridley (WR Alabama) +2500

No shot.  If guys like Randy Moss and Larry Fitzgerald can't win it with outstanding seasons at the WR position then there is no way in hell Ridley has a chance.

13) Joshua Dobbs (QB Tennessee) +2500

Hahahaha I don't even need to tell you why he has no shot.  Seriously Vegas?  Dobbs?  Come on man.

14) Brad Kaaya (QB Miami) +3300

SMH another one for Vegas.  The only way Kaaya contends is if he can beat Notre Dame and FSU.  Not happening.

15) Patrick Mahomes (QB Texas Tech) +3300

I don't know what to say about these odds.  It should be more like a trillion-to-one.

Manny Machado Charging the Mound Gets The WWF Jim Ross Call

These classic Jim Ross calls get me every fucking time.  My sides are hurting from laughing so hard.  I don't think you could find a guy in the MLB more deserving to get their ass kicked than Royals pitcher Yordano Ventura.  The little fucker has been starting shit the past two seasons with every team he has faced.  He thinks he's Pedro Martinez without near the talent or the brains.  Luckily Manny Machado put him back in his place tonight.  You want to throw at Manny 3 times?  Fine.  But once you hit him you best expect to get your ass kicked.   Mark Trumbo immediately hit a two-run homer after Manny's ejection and Crush Davis followed with another bomb to make it back-to-back and the rout was on.  9-1 Orioles victory and they will go for the sweep tomorrow.  Manny will get a suspension no doubt but we might look back at this fight and remember it as the time the Orioles came together for the greater good against the defending World Series Champs and helped propel themselves to their own championship.

Machado doing his best to "Make Baseball Fun Again!"

2016 Continues to Take Down the Legends #2016Deaths

If you are a legend God have mercy on your life in this calendar year.  First we lost David Bowie to cancer.  Then we lost Prince to pills.  Harambe the gorilla goes down because of a 4-year-old invading his space.  It continued with Muhammad Ali losing his long battle with Parkinsons last week and late last night we heard Youtube legend Kimbo Slice died suddenly at the age of 42.  And the RIP tributes continue this week as we bid farewell to the Cleveland Cavaliers.

Shit That Drives Me Nuts: Players with Mouthguards

I'm not talking about boxers, hockey players, football players. rugby, lacrosse or whatever contact sports that you play where there is a good chance you could lose a tooth without one.  I'm talking about the fucking basketball players and baseball players who chew on them for no god damn good reason.  We get it Steph Curry.  You are a great shooter.  But why in the hell do you need a mouth guard?  Why does Orioles starter Kevin Gausman insist on chewing on the damn thing after every half inning?  I imagine a pacifier was too gay for them so they went with a mouth guard for "safety" reasons.

Whatever it is please stop it.

Don't Ever Turn Your Back on a Lion

Well unless it's from Detroit and wears the silver and blue.  This young boy would have seen his life flash by faster than Barry Sander's career but thanks to the power of glass he's no longer dinner.  Just don't go jumping inside the cage.  We wouldn't want to have to kill the animal because your parent was too busy Tweeting about one of the monkeys throwing their own feces.

2016 Notre Dame Football Preseason Grades

A lot of people including myself are underestimating how good Notre Dame could be this season.  I think it's because of the way the season ended with a heart-breaking last-second loss to Stanford to eliminate their playoff hopes and then following that up with the curb-stomping they took vs Ohio State in the Fiesta Bowl.

But make no mistake ND returns a ton of firepower to team 128 with as much depth as any in 20-plus seasons.

Let's take a look at the positions and hand out some preseason grades:

It starts off with the quarterback position.  This is the most talented and deep the QB position has been at ND since I can remember.  All 3 QBs could be starters at 90% of other schools.  Redshirt freshman Deshone Kizer stepped in for the injured Malik Zaire in the 2nd game of the season and led them to 9 victories with narrow losses to Clemson and Stanford not really his fault.  Zaire will battle him for the starter's job and brings a 3-0 career starting record including wins vs LSU and Texas.  Brandon Wimbush might have the best arm but the plan for now is to redshirt him since they failed to do so last year because of Zaire's injury.  ND has a great problem to have right now at the QB position and it's similar to what Ohio State was facing last year with JT Barrett, Cardale Jones and Braxton Miller. (PRESEASON GRADE: A)

The running back position returns starters Tarean Folston and Josh Adams.  Folston is coming off a game one knee injury but is expected to be fully recovered for summer practice.  Adams, "the majestic gazelle" as I call him, comes off a record-setting freshman season in which he averaged over 7 yards a carry.  Also returning is highly thought of Dexter "Juice" Williams who along with Folston and Adams forms a treacherous trifecta of galloping horses in the backfield.  The four horsemen should be alive and well this fall with contributions also coming from Justin Brent and perhaps from one of the incoming freshmen.  (PRESEASON GRADE: A-)

A concern for ND going into the season is how to replace the electric WR Will Fuller.  Fuller had an incredible knack to make the big play at crucial situations and his combined 29 TD catches the past two seasons often were 40 plus yards.  Combine his loss along with Chris Brown and Amir Carlisle and ND is looking at a whole new starting crew at the WR position.  The good news is they have plenty of talent, just unproven at this point.  Look for breakout performances from Torii Hunter Jr. and Equanimous St. Brown.  I expect both to combine to replicate the numbers Fuller and Brown put together last year.  A slew of talented sophomores (Corey Holmes, CJ Sanders, Miles Boykin) and freshman (Kevin Stepherson, Javon McKinley, Chase Claypool) sprinkle the depth chart to which should burst as the season heats on.  The TE position returns starters Durham Smythe (returning from knee injury) and sophomore Alize Jones who could become a Tyler Eifert-type weapon especially in the red zone for whomever is throwing the ball.  Nick Weishar and Tyler Luatua provide starting quality depth on the 2nd/3rd string for what has solidified Tight End U.
(WR/TE PRESEASON GRADE: C+)

The offensive line lost starters Ronnie Stanley, Nick Martin and Steve Elmer.  None of them will be easily replaced in terms of starts but ND is flushed with talent, size and depth thanks to line coach Harry Hiestand.  The next great offensive lineman/first round talent appears to be Mike McGlinchey who will be moving from right-to-left tackle to replace Stanley.  "Big Mike" has a meaner streak in him than Stanley and it wouldn't be surprising to see him develop into a NFL top 10 pick also.  The tools and build are all there for him.  Just to McGlinchey's right is another player in Quenton Nelson who is also a tough SOB who can pancake his fair share of interior linemen.  With McGlinchey and Nelson on the left side Kizer will not have to worry about his blind side.  Center is a question mark with Sam Mustipher edging out Tristen Hoge early on as Martin's replacement.  On the right side of the line you have Hunter Bivin at guard and Alex Bars at tackle.  Along with QB the depth on the offensive line is unmatched with plenty of underclassmen ready to step in if injuries occur.  I fully expect ND to control the line of scrimmage throughout the season.
(OL PRESEASON GRADE: B)

The standard motto of "defense wins championships" will again be tested by a ND group which loses a ton of starters at every level on the field.

The defensive line loses captain DT Sheldon Day and DE Romeo Okwara.  Nobody can replace Day's infectious play and motor.  But luckily ND has plenty of bodies including the likes of Jarron Jones, Jerry Tillery, Daniel Cage among others ready to make a huge impact in the run stop game.  One huge hole for the Irish has been getting to the QB with pressure from the defensive end position.  For ND to compete with the big boys and a playoff spot they need likely captain Isaac Rochelle and Andrew Trumbetti to take the next step up and produce sacks/pressures/turnovers.  To often in recent years the opposing QB has had plenty of time to pick apart a defense because his pocket was protected.  If Rochelle, Trumbetti, Jones and Cage all live up to their potential this defensive line could be the best since 2012.  It's a big if though.
(DL PRESEASON GRADE: C+)

Captains and starters Jaylon Smith and Joe Schmidt are both gone but the linebacking crew in my opinion could be more productive this season.  ND relied so heavily on Jaylon to make big plays and be all over the field and Schmidt to make "the right calls/reads" on defense that opponents both game planned away from Jaylon while targeting Schmidt.  And let's be honest the defense last year was pretty bad if not down right shitty at times.  The one returning starter is at the SAM position in senior James Onwualu.  I think Onwualu has the ability to have a huge senior season.  He's shown he can get to the QB and with the right schemes I think he has a tremendous season.  Nyles Morgan is another breakout performer waiting to happen as he finally starts at middle linebacker.  All of the preseason practices have been nothing but adulation from observers for the highly touted Morgan.  In my mind and a lot of other ND fans we are both extremely giddy to see Morgan start at the MIKE position.  At the WILL position we have Te'von Coney and Greer Martini battling it out for the starter's role.  Redshirt freshmen Asmar Bilal and Josh Barajas should also see significant time on the field and could compete for a starting position this summer.  With Onwuala, Bilal, Morgan, Martini, Coney and Barajas I expect the linebacker position to be the surprise of the 2016 season.
(LB PRESEASON GRADE: B)

The secondary much like the linebacking core loses two starters but I think it will also be better in 2016.  At the safety position you have do-it-all Drue Tranquill back from another knee injury, this one while celebrating vs Georgia Tech.  Before the injury Tranquill was having a solid season and the ND defense looked a lot faster and smarter with him in there.  Fingers crossed he has a healthy season because I think he could be ND's best strong safety since Harrison Smith.  At the other safety position you have an early enrollee freshman in Devin Studstill.  Studstill is a true ballhawk at the free safety position and was a tremendous recruiting steal for Brian Kelly and his staff from the state of Florida.  All reports on Studstill have been so positive that he's jumped senior Max Redfield on the depth chart.  While many think that's being used solely by the coaches to motivate Redfield I honestly think Studstill is the better player overall and will be starting week 1 in Austin, TX.  With Redfield and six-year senior Avery Sebastian as the backups ND has to hope they can stay injury free at the safety position because there is a tremendous drop off in experience behind them with 4 incoming freshman.  The starting corners will be Cole Luke and Shaun Crawford.  Luke had a difficult 2015 season but should turn in a good senior season.  Crawford is a redshirt freshman coming off a knee injury (I know shocker right?) but has been graded by observers and media personnel as one of if not the most talented secondary players in the Kelly regime.
(SECONDARY PRESEASON GRADE: B)

The kicking game returns both starters in placekicker Justin Yoon and punter Tyler Newsome.  Yoon hit 15-17 field goal attempts, a lot of them pressure-packed, during an outstanding freshman season.  Newsome averaged over 45 yards per punt and was great with directional punts to pin opponents inside the 20 yard line.  Both Yoon and Newsome are legit All-American candidates with 3 years of eligibility left.
(KICKING PRESEASON GRADE: A+)

FINAL PRESEASON REPORT CARD:
A+ - KICKING GAME
A - QB
A- - RB
B - OL, LB, SECONDARY
C+ - WR, DL

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Tom Brady Packing Heat on the Golf Course

Some guys just have all the luck.  Tom Brady is one of the guys.  Dude is packing a baby arm while canoodling with young lassies on the golf course.  Bravo Tom Brady.  Bravo.

Callie Bundy Can Throw a Better Spiral Than Reggie Ball/Nebraska QBs

First off we need to thank the inventor of yoga pants.  I'm too lazy to look it up but you, whomever it may be, single handedly have created something as valuable as air conditioning.  Yoga pants are an instant mood changer and have saved millions of lives while also destroying trillions of man swimmers.  Second off I don't give a shit if this Callie Bundy throws like she is shot putting a bean bag.  She has way more accuracy than Reggie Ball or any Nebraska QB for that matter could ever dream of.  And she also looks extremely hot doing it.  You don't think Calvin Johnson would have come back for another season on the Flats if Bundy here was throwing him the rock?  Absolute no brainer and it's probably what was the ultimate downfall of Chan Gailey at Tech.  And now since Nebraska has dog shit for a QB I suggest they recruit the hell out of Bundy.  Give her all the yoga pants she could ever want.  Make her the next Kathy Ireland of college football.  It's up to you Mike Riley.  Don't fuck it up.

You can check out more of Callie Bundy at her Instagram page you know for research purposes of course.

Vin Scully Recites "Field of Dreams" People Will Come Speech Will Give You The Chills

People will come, Vin.

Vin Scully recites the most iconic speech from a baseball film ever. #HallofFameTourhttps://t.co/ci59idkKOW

— MLB (@MLB) May 26, 2016

No lie I think my whole body just orgasmed.  I'm seeing spots.  I just blacked out listening to legendary Dodgers announcer Vin Scully recite James Earl Jones famous "Field Of Dreams" People Will Come speech.  Throw in clips of Jackie Robinson stealing home, Ozzie Smith doing his flip, Cal Ripken Jr. saluting the crowd and I'm surprised I'm not dead by now.  Baseball is as American as it can get and on this Memorial Day weekend I'm fortunate I get to take my son Camden to a baseball game and pass on my love for the game to him.

Army's Kasey McCravey With The Slide/Not Slide Acrobatic Kung Fu Move of the Year

Kasey McCravey goes A I R B O R N E to score for @ArmyWP_Softball in the PL Tournament #GoArmy #SCTop10https://t.co/Cx9S3Y7Sgf

— ArmyWestPoint Sports (@GoArmyWestPoint) May 14, 2016

I believe this is a first in SportsCrack history.  Drum roll please.  Zip up those pants captain.  Yes, we got ourselves a softball post.  Holy shit we just made history.  Women can play sports too!

All sarcasm aside this jump move by Army's Kasey McCravey over the Lehigh catcher has got to be the best non slide ever.  I don't usually get impressed but myself and the other 99.99% of people reading this would have no shot at all jumping over the catcher.  It would be a disaster even trying it.  I'm positive a bone would have come popping out somewhere if I attempted to jump over the catcher. And she didn't even get touched while reaching back with the sneaky tag of home plate!

Texas Rangers' Rougned Odor Lands One of the All-Time Great Punches on Toronto Blue Jays' Jose Bautista's Face

No lie I have the biggest bulge in my pants just watching this right cross from Texas Rangers' second baseman Rougned Odor stun resident douche bag Jose Bautista.  I've been waiting years, decades,  for somebody in baseball to finally have the balls and throw a punch and actually land one in a fight.  Odor finally got one and to top it all off it landed right on Bautista's fat fucking face.  The only thing that would have made this better is if it was David Ortiz's face.  But beggars can't be choosers so thank you Odor.  You are a baseball God in my book.

Odor MADE BASEBALL FUN AGAIN yesterday!

Thank you to whoever made this Mike Tyson punch out video too!

"Catholics vs Convicts" 2016 T Shirts Now For Sale

IT'S BACK!  ONE OF THE FIERCEST, MOST HATED RIVALRIES IN ALL OF SPORTS IS BACK THIS FALL!

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Bryce Harpers Get Ejected, Tells Umpire "Fuck You" as Nationals Walk-Off

I thought Mormons didn't say curse words. Granted Bryce Harper is no normal Mormon by any stretch but that's not very nice to say "fuck you" to the home umpire. Umpires have feelings too Bryce.  Apparently this umpire is very sensitive because he ejected you for disagreeing with Espinosa's strike zone. Maybe next time you run out with some "Make Baseball Fun Again" hats and some ultra absorbent pads for ole Blue.  For sure that will get him on your side.

Laremy Tunsil Responds To NFL Draft Stock Dropping

Laremy Tunsil Responds To Pot-Smoking Fallout from Funny Or Die

Lou Holtz Endorfes Donald Trumf Prethadent of the United Thates

Honored to have received the endorsement of Lou Holtz - a great guy! #INPrimary #Trump2016 pic.twitter.com/AeGyODb37O

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 2, 2016

Well you can go ahead and ring the bell now because the race for the Presidency is officially over! The one and only Lou Holtz aka Win One for the Spitter has given his official "endorfes" for Donald Trumf as the next "prethadent" of the United "Thates." This pretty much locks up Indiana for Trump and seals the Republican nomination.


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Dodgers Celebrate Breaking a 6-Game Losing Streak by Doing the Running Man Dance

We win!! #runningman #popcornremix

A video posted by Alex Wood (@awood45) on May 1, 2016 at 3:30pm PDT

That is hot shit right there folks! The Running Man dance has come back strong in 2016. The Maryland Terps basketball team restarted the trend and now it's moved all the way to the left coast.

Yasiel Puig Just Gave me a Baseball Boner with This Missile Throw

310 feet through the air. 310 fucking feet. Are you kidding me? Yasiel Puig just made one of the best throws I've ever seen getting Rockies Trevor Story out at 3rd base from deep right center. Puig's throw basically hit 3rd base so Justin Turner didn't have to move his glove. Who says baseball isn't exciting? You try to throw a pisser like that.

David Shaw Throws a Verbal Haymaker at the SEC Conference, Calls Southerners Not Good Enough for Stanford

I'm sure this is really going to help you recruit nationally. pic.twitter.com/BSCNsqH9hA

— Paul Finebaum (@finebaum) April 11, 2016

You know I've always thought of Stanford's head coach David Shaw as a bit of a douche prick and this quote pretty much confirms it.  One part of me loves the complete honesty especially in today's BS PC culture where you got to walk on eggshells not to offend anybody.  But Shaw is basically calling Southerners, one of which I am, idiots who couldn't get into Stanford.  Well yeah.  I can't get into Stanford.  Fuck.  He's right.  Fuck you Shaw.

By the way imagine if a white coach said this?  The media would tear his ass apart.  Like if Brian Kelly said this he would be called a racist asshole.  But since Shaw said it they kind of just sweep it under the rug and say "well he's got a point."

6 and O's

With Crush Davis's 3-run blast to dead center off Red Sox closer Craig Kimbrel the Orioles sit atop the standings with a Baltimore franchise record 6-0 start.

If you recall many if not all of the "experts" predicted the Orioles to finish dead last in the AL East.  The same squad who since 2012 has the best record in the American League.  The same team who returned basically everybody with the best coach in the senior league in Buck Showalter.  But yeah those "experts" seem to know what they are talking about when they predict the Orioles to win 69 games.

I almost feel bad for all the baseball sabermetrics nerds who continue to shit on the Orioles.  They strike out too much they say.  They don't have high OBPs.  They don't have good WHIPs and blah blah blah.  Who gives a shit is what I say.  Their whole lineup can hit the 3-run homer as witnessed yesterday in Boston as Mark Trumbo and Davis hit them vs the Red Sox's high priced acquisitions in David Price and Kimbrel.

I'm not saying the Orioles are going to run away with the division since we are only in the first week of the season.  It would be downright foolish to think the Yankees, Sox, Rays and Blue Jays won't eventually catch up to the high flying Charm City Bashers.  But anyone who thought the Orioles would shit the bed this season because of sabermetrics simply needs to shut the fuck up and stop talking about baseball.  Or better yet watch a fucking game you nerds.

2016 CFB Defensive Player Breakout Candidate: ND MLB Nyles Morgan

For whatever reasons we didn't see a whole lot of middle linebacker Nyles Morgan last year. In 2016 Morgan will be starting and looking to make a major impact as Joe Schmidt's replacement. Not only will he make an impact but I think he's going to be the breakout star on the defensive side of the ball for the Fighting Irish.

The knock on Morgan (which I believe have been exaggerated) has been his inability to line up the defense. The middle linebacker is the "quarterback of the defense" and in defensive coordinator Brian Van Gorder complicated defense with numerous assignments and alignments the MLB is responsible for Morgan was seen as not nearly as advanced as the slower and less athletic Schmidt.  This will change in 2016 as from all reports Morgan has been the best overall defensive player on the field this spring.

While I'm not ready to establish #5 as the next Manti Te'o/Jaylon Smith I'm extremely excited to see what Morgan can do with a defense that struggled a lot in 2015.  Morgan was a much hyped 4 star recruit who was seen as an instant impact type player.  Two years into his collegiate career and it's been hard to tell if Morgan would ever live up to his lofty prep ranking.

This year watch out for #5.  Not only will he lead the team in tackles but I see him contending for All-American honors.

I Just Found the Perfect Johnny Football Hat

Describes Johnny Manziel's NFL career perfectly.  Full on PO-TA-TO.

When Catfishing in a Kayak You Should Beware of Gators

No lie I would have shit my pants right there.  Alligators are basically dinosaurs and have been on the Earth a lot longer than humans.  And there is a reason for that.  They are nasty, eat shit and anything else in or near water which could also be you and your son trying to catfish.  So no thank you.  I will not be catfishing anytime in a fucking kayak with my kid as some monster gator lines me up on some chicken bait.  Call me old fashion.  Call me a pussy.  Whatever.  I'd rather be wearing gator boots than playing tummy sticks with his intestines.

Chicago Cubs Reveal Their New Clubhouse and It Does Not Suck

Home sweet(er) home! #LetsGohttps://t.co/A4qZxRGcZN

— Chicago Cubs (@Cubs) April 11, 2016

No more horse troughs for the players to piss in.  Wrigley Field's clubhouse looks more like a swanky night club than an actual locker room.  I'm sure there is a secret door where Dexter Fowler and Jason Heyward hide their hookers.  Why else would they sign with the Cubbies?  Wait you didn't really think they went to Chicago to win the World Series did you?

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UCLA QB Josh Rosen Tees Off Wearing a Fuck Trump Hat

I support all presidential candidates in this race for the White House. I believe in the American system of democracy and hope that our country picks the best and most qualified person to be our Commander Chief.

A photo posted by Josh Rosen (@josh3rosen) on Apr 10, 2016 at 3:01pm PDT

Interesting stance from UCLA QB Josh Rosen and no, I'm not talking about his golf stance.  I'm sure his coach Jim Mora Jr. is going to be thrilled to answer questions about this especially considering Mora is such a media friendly personality.  Now it's up to Donald Trump to fire back because we all know how thin skinned he is.  A "Make UCLA Great Again" doesn't work because UCLA has always sucked at football.  Maybe a "You know I've seen a lot of losers in my life but Josh Rosen might be the biggest" proclamation from Trump would suffice.  The shots have been fired.  Your call Donald.

P.S - Shit I just noticed this picture was taken on Trump's course.  So not only did Rosen or some UCLA booster dish out $200 for him to play golf but then he wears a classy "Fuck Trump" hat on the course.  This should help Rosen out immensely when entering the NFL draft in two years.
Via BarStoolSports

The Germans do it right with this Banned Sprite Commercial

I can't see why this Sprite commercial would be banned.  Other than the fact the Germans must be racist and put a lemon lime Sprite in there instead of a dark Coca-Cola.  Yeah that must be it.  It always comes down to race.

Sincerely,

American Media 2016

I would love to see the reactions if this played during a Super Bowl or the Masters.  Could you imagine the fallout?  I'm pretty sure the country would rumble so much that California and Florida would break off.  Hmm.  Maybe not such a bad idea after all.

Kobe Bryant and Michael B. Jordan's Apple TV Commercial is a Slam Dunk

Usually I hate these type of commercials.  When the comedy between an athlete and an actor pitching a product seems forced it comes off as a complete Kobe Bryant in his retirment year airball.  But this Apple TV commercial with Michael B. Jordan was a vintage Kobe 81-point performance in his prime.  Just hitting everything from beyond the arc to the mid range jumper and on to the free throw line.  Kobe can't miss.  And if father time has anything to say about Kobe it's a mind fuck that his face still looks young but his game sure as hell doesn't because his body is a wreck.

By the way Jordan has to be the brightest young actor in the game right now right?  I just watched Creed last week and he nailed the role as Appolo's son.  He was incredible on television in two of my favorite shows The Wire and Friday Night Lights where he played characters who tugged on the heart strings.  Now Jordan should be getting some great roles in movies with the success of Creed.  I guess an Apple TV commercial with Kobe is just another step in the career arc of Jordan.  I think he's got the acting chops to pull off some Leonardo Dicaprio roles in the near future.

Back to Kobe.  Hard to believe his last game is this Wednesday.  He is the same age as me (yes I'm old as shit) and now he is hanging it up.  It seems like a blur to me (granted my college years, roaring 20's and now staggering 30's have flashed by quicker than Johnny Manziel's NFL career).  It just seems like yesterday that Kobe and Shaq were winning titles left and right in LA.  Now it's all over.  Kobe has to be a top 10 player of all-time.  He's not as good as the real Michael Jordan but he's not that far off.  He may be top 5.  Shit I don't follow the NBA as much as I used to but I still know Kobe in his prime was pretty much unstoppable.

Anyways farewell Kobe.  It's been a journey.  Enjoy retirement.  And please for the love of God stay out of Colorado.

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