THE GREEN MACHINE 8 SHIRT

Here is our brand new THE GREEN MACHINE 8 shirt. We have had a ton of requests for this shirt to be made so I expect them to sell like crazy. Crazy like band boy ass crazy. If anybody is offended by this shirt or has a problem with it (Sierra Club, hippies, etc.) then you can email me at gofukurself@sportscrack.com.

I say this because today I was informed by a guy who runs a website that we paid to advertise on that he would no longer be doing business together because he was offended by our shirts such as the Ginas and the Gaytors shirts. I'm going to say this again, our shirts are all meant to be in good humor. If you find them offensive well then I am sorry. But you can get your liberal ass out of here if you think I am going to stop selling these shirts because your panties got a little wet when you saw one of our fucking shirts.

So in conclusion, free speech wins baby! God bless America and don't ever expect to see any PC shit here. Hoorah!

WAY TO GO CASEY BABCOCK

Talk about your all-time fuckup, fast forward to the 1:28 part of this video and see how Casey Babcock displays his inner Leon Lett...


Casey will never live down the embarrassment of that moment. In fact his life is about to spiral for the worst. No doubt about it. Here is what he will look like in 15 years....


Video HT: Extra Mustard

JIMMY AND ARMANDO FULL GO VS. WASHINGTON

"Jimmy is ready to go today. Jimmy's back. Armando's back. We're ready to go." - Charlie Weis

From IrishIllustrated comes this wonderful quote from today's presser with Notre Dame head coach Charlie Weis. Thank God. Notre Dame's offense struggled for the first time all season thanks in part to losing Michael Floyd for the season the week before but a large part of it was not having Armando Allen in the backfield and Jimmy Clausen playing half a game due to turf toe. If Notre Dame is going to outscore their opponents this season (trust me their defense can't stop shit right now) they are going to have to rely on Clausen and Armando getting the majority of the playing reps. Clausen is one of the top 3 quarterbacks in the nation right now and sealed one of those signature moments in Irish history when he came off the bench to help lead Notre Dame to a tough road victory in the final seconds with a winning touchdown pass to tight end Kyle Rudolph. The backup Dayne Crist is a great player himself but Jimmy is the clear leader of the offense and makes it work with his incredible accuracy and experience. Notre Dame also has a ton of depth at the tailback position but "MANDO" as I call him is the most dependable and has turned himself into a top 10 back in the nation with his 326 rushing yards in the first 3 games.

Having Jimmy and Mando back gives Notre Dame an extra 10 points at the very least in my opinion this weekend against a dangerous Washington team. Notre Dame has to win and hopefully convincingly instead of giving me cardiac arrest once again. They have an off week to prepare for their biggest game of the season: USC. Jimmy and Mando will help determine whether or not Notre Dame is ready to step up to the big boy table and finally slay their arch rival Trojans. The FUPA's job is on the line as well. I can't wait.

JULIUS JONES HONORS WRESTLING PAST

The Seattle Seahawks wore their bright lime throwback jerseys this past week against the Chicago Bears and they did what every Seahawks team has done: they choked away a win. But who gives a shit, it's the Seahawks. What was really cool to see was one of my favorite Notre Dame players of all-time, Julius Jones, give a little tribute touchdown dance to none other than past wrestling greats Jeff Jarrett and Ric Flair. Awesome.

EDIT: As pointed out by one of our great readers Jeff this move was "Technically speaking, the move he was doing was originated by wrestling legend Jackie Fargo, who was the King of Memphis wrestling BEFORE Jerry Lawler."
So there you go, thanks for the heads up Jeff!


Video HT: Extra Mustard

SAVE THE BOOBS CAUSE

What a great cause, the motorboatin' that is.

Video HT: WWTDD

AJ GREEN DOES IT ALL

AJ Green is the second best receiver in the country behind Michael Floyd and showed why he will be a top NFL pick after next season with this catch and juke against Arizona State in between the hedges...



And just when you think he can't do anything more on offense Coach Richt decides to loan him to special teams and he comes up with the field goal block to save the game...


AJ Green deserves a mountain full of naked coeds with little ambition other than nailing the football star. He earned his poon Saturday night.

NOW THAT'S A CATCH!

Donald Driver just made the catch of the NFL season so far. He turned a football into his own personal cell phone. Amazing.

JASON CAMPBELL HAS SHLIPPERY BALLS

Congratulations go out to the Detroit Lions for breaking the streak and winning their first regular season NFL game since 2007. Thanks to Washington Redskins QB Jason Campbell and his "shlippery" balls the Lions finally caught a break and ended their 19 game losing streak. The Deadskins are now right up there with the Raiders as one of those once proud NFL franchises turned shit. Both have dickheads for owners and morons for quarterbacks. Those fan bases deserve better and shouldn't have to deal with shlippery excuses.

STATE PENN KEEPING IT CLASSY

You can always rely on the Nappy Valley fanatics to keep it real classy when it comes to signs at Gameday. Iowa went on that night to beat up Penn State and stay undefeated at 4-0 while handing the JoePa's their first loss of the season. It's good to see the Coaches poll recognized this huge road win by Iowa and put them 17th. What makes it ridiculous is the fact they have Penn State 13th in the same poll. Umm, I take it they don't even watch the games. Bias much?

Image HT: Deadspin

BALLSY PLAY BY THE MINNESOTA LINEBACKER

From Deadspin comes this video of Minnesota Golden Gophers linebacker Simoni Lawrence getting hit in his manbags...


"Motherfocker hit my Penis" should become a t-shirt. In fact I want to see the whole student body wearing it at their next home game.

THE HIT HEARD AROUND THE WORLD

Florida QB Tim Tebow may be the Ultimate QB but even he can't take hits like this and survive for much longer. Tebow was helped off the field after being knocked unconscious and was taken to a hospital with an obvious severe case of a concussion. He was seen blowing chunks into a feedbag as they were carting him off the field Saturday night in Lexington. Now I am no doctor by any means and I have not stayed at a Holiday Inn Express but I would believe with a severe case of head trauma this bad Tebow is going to have to miss some time granted the Gators have an off week before they face LSU. If the University of Florida and head coach Urban Meyer have the best interest of the student-athlete here and his well being there is no way he should be allowed to play against LSU in 12 days. Concussions are like black outs for all the fellow drunks out there. You don't remember what happened, you throw up, and your body and more importantly your head need time to recover from the traumatic episode. So essentially Tebow is a recovering alcoholic right now. It's in his best interests to stay away from the sauce in this case we will call football and let his brain recover before going at it again. Or he could just jump right off the wagon and go at it like all of us idiots on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night. Brain cells are overrated anyways.

In all honesty the Gators should make Tebow sit down for at least a month. They have enough depth and talent to beat anybody on their schedule. Hell, they won a National Championship with Chris Leak as their quarterback. The spread offense that Urban Meyer has installed since arriving in Gainesville has not been stopped by even the best of SEC defenses. Meyer is considered one of the top coaches in college football and should be able to figure out a way to win without Tim Tebow. Their defense is incredibly fast and ferocious this year so all it takes is a QB who is going to lead them to at least 2 TD's a game. I think the Brantley kid can handle it.

RIC FLAIR IS STILL THE MAN

How can you deny the power of the Flair? If I lived in North Carolina I would be shelling out my hard earned hooker spit money for some scratch off tickets. WOOOOOO!!!! Personally I was always a Sting fan but I also enjoyed Ric Flair. He was like the white man's version of a pimp.

Video HT: Extra Mustard

SOUTH CAROLINA SHOWED UP TONIGHT

Jevan Snead was awful tonight. He is no Heisman candidate by any means. The Ole Ball Coach beat Ole Piss and now Ole Miss can go back to where they belong: outside of the top 10. I got this feeling we will see a lot of upsets this weekend. Gators better watch out!

SPORTSCRACK TOP 10 CFB POLL

1. FLORIDA GATORS-The Gators and Tim Tebow weren't overly impressive at home against Tennessee but they did win so there is no reason to knock them off of the #1 spot. In 3 games the Gators have scored 19 TD's while giving up only 1. They travel to Lexington this week to face Kentucky who could give them a game for about 3 quarters.

2. TEXAS LONGHORNS-The Longhorns got their revenge for their only loss last season by defeating Texas Tech 34-24 in Austin. Colt McCoy has been off a little this season and the Longhorns pass defense is again suspect but they should cruise this week against UTEP. McCoy needs to put up some big stats if he wants to hang in the Heisman race.

3. ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE-I am starting to think this year's Alabama squad is better than last year. Despite losing Andre Smith and John Parker Wilson the offense looks better and more well rounded with junior QB Greg McElroy in there. They face an Arkansas team that can put a lot of points on the board this week so it should be a good test to see how good their defense really has become. The offense should have no problems putting up 30 plus on a pretty bad Razorback defense.

4. MIAMI HURRICANES-The Canes are by far the surprise team this year in college football. I was skeptical to think they could make such a big jump this season after a lackluster first two years under Randy Shannon but I was clearly wrong. They absolutely dominated Georgia Tech last week and this week continue their nightmarish schedule by traveling to Blacksburg. If QB Jacory Harris leads them to victory with a good game against the Hokies then he is right up there with Jahvid Best as the leading guy to win the Heisman in my opinion.

5. OLE MISS REBELS-The Rebels get their first true test this season tonight in Columbia with a Gamecock team that is poised for an upset. Ole Miss and QB Jevan Snead have cruised in their first two games against inferior opponents but they will need to play great tonight since traditionally they are not good in SEC road openers. I think this game will come down to the wire and would not be shocked to see an upset for the Ole Ball Coach.

6. CALIFORNIA BEARS-Jahvid Best has proven he is the best back in the nation. No question about it. His 5 TDs against the Golden Gophers last week vaulted him to the top of the Heisman talk and this week they face a dangerous Oregon team in Eugene. Who ever wins this game has the best chance of unseating USC as the PAC-10 Champ.

7. PENN STATE NITTANY LIONS-JoePa's stormtroopers had another boring victory against the mighty power of Temple last week. I'm sorry but I can't stand watching Penn State. Maybe it's the Big Ten conference that bores the shit out of me but it just always seems that Penn State never has an explosive offense that can keep my attention. They get Iowa in Happy Valley this week looking to avenge their only Big Ten loss in 2008. Last year it was a hell of a game that did keep my attention. This year I think Penn State wins by 10.

8. CINCINNATI BEARCATS-Brace yourself for this: The Bearcats could be playing in the BCS Title game! Yes, I said it. Look at their schedule. It sucks. Plus Brian Kelly is a great coach and has the confidence rolling for them. I'm rooting for them just to hear how many people bitch and moan about them not deserving to play a Florida or Texas team for the National Title. It makes for great talk. They should roll over Fresno State at home this week.

9. LSU TIGERS-3-0 for the Fear Les Tigers so far but they still are not playing their best game. If they continue to improve with a tuneup this week against Mississippi State I will feel much better with them traveling to Athens next week.

10. MICHIGAN WOLVERINES-Fuck me for saying this but they are good. I'm shocked those words even came out of my mouth. They should beat the hell out of Indiana this week and then face interstate rivals Sparty the following. I hope they lose both but I see them being 7-0 with Penn State coming to the Big House to determine who wins the Big Ten.

JUST MISSED THE CUT: BOISE STATE, HOUSTON, KANSAS, OKLAHOMA, NORTH CAROLINA

HOCKEY FIGHTS ARE BACK

Just another reason why I am way too big of a pussy to play hockey. They get in knock out fights during preseason games. Good lord. It's a good thing those Canadians have universal health care.

Video HT: WithLeather

MA MEN

Loyal Sportscrack shopper Joey McIntyre (yes, the New Kid on the Block buys stuff from us) has this new skit out making fun of all the Massholes out there....TEDDY WILLIAMS!!!!!!.....

MA Men from Joey McIntyre

ENOUGH...SHE'S A LADY!....HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Bravo Joey, this is funny. Next episode though I want to see you wearing the FUSC shirt or Yankees Suck shirt. Don't be a Masshole just do it.

WHEN THE WIFE DON'T LISTEN

Funny: yes. Cruel: yes. Deserving: yes.

Video HT: Erika

DETROIT LIONS FANS GONE WILD

This is what happens when you wear jerseys of old players who no longer play for your team. Roy Williams is a Cowboy now lady. Apparently she hasn't received the news yet. Or the fact that the Lions haven't won a game since 2007. I love it when the black guy at the end is telling her "You going to jail!" Oh sweet irony, a drunk white chick going to the slammer.

Video HT: Brian Dascenzo

PSA FOR INSURANCE COMPANY PROFITS

Protect Insurance Companies PSA from Will Ferrell

Even right wing nutbags can laugh at this. Hell, I laughed and I have had to pay out of pocket over $15,000 to put metal plates and screws in my left leg when I shattered it 4 years ago. Oh yeah, it also did a great job of messing up my credit score all because I lost my job 2 months before my accident. Universal health care sounds like a great idea to me. How else is Charlie Weis going to be able to afford another botched gastric bypass surgery? Think about the overweight coaches people and show a little heart.

RAY LEWIS TRIES TO KILL ANOTHER MAN

Ray Lewis is the greatest linebacker to ever play the game. Ever. No argument. I value my life and you should to and just agree before Ray Ray finds you.

SERGIO KINGLE WILL EAT YOUR CHILDREN

Pretty sure Texas defensive end Sergio Kindle almost ripped off Texas Tech quarterback Taylor Potts's porn stache with that hit.

GOLDEN TATE DIVING INTO THE SPARTANS BAND

I could watch this all day. Thank freaking God Notre Dame finally beat Michigan State on their home field. It's amazing to think that this was their first win against Michigan State at Notre Dame Stadium since 1993. 1993 was the last year Notre Dame actually contended for a National Title. Losing Michael Floyd for the year due to a broken collarbone hurts real bad because he was the best wide receiver in college football but at least Notre Dame still has playmakers at the position like Golden Tate. This was the winning touchdown pass from Jimmy Clausen. I dare somebody to find a better pass delivered on Saturday. Perfect throw delivered from the football Gods to a streaking Golden and then moments later Notre Dame finally catches a break and Grand Theft Kyle McCarthy seals the victory with an interception (his 5th game in a row with at least one INT).

Notre Dame of course drops in the rankings because they are Notre Dame and because they lost Michael Floyd for the year. Notre Dame is the only team who can consistently drop in the rankings when they win. Weird how that works out. But a win is a win in my book and I will take it any day. Plus USC lost to a team who couldn't win a game last year. Now that is fucking funny.

FORMER NOTRE DAME FULLBACK MARC EDWARDS HAS SOME HARSH WORDS FOR JIMMY CLAUSEN

This caught me by surprise today. Former Notre Dame fullback Marc Edwards was asked about his thoughts in regards to current Notre Dame quarterback Jimmy Clausen and his place among the greats to play for the blue and gold. I will let you read it for yourself...

Notre Dame has been starved for a winner at quarterback for a long time.

Ron Powlus had some big victories that I was a part of, and Brady Quinn put up some numbers and has some games that you remember, but you probably have to go back to Kevin McDougal for the last of the great winners. It wasn’t like he was a big passer, but that team won. He willed us to some victories. Even though he never put up huge numbers, that team won. So he gets a lot of credit for that.

Unless you’re winning big games, I don’t care what kind of stats you’re putting up. Unless you’re leading the team to victory, you’re not going to go down as a great Notre Dame quarterback.

That’s the first obstacle Jimmy Clausen needs to overcome. He needs a signature victory to be in that conversation and I haven’t really seen that yet.

He’s a junior, and he’s not even close to the level of a legendary Notre Dame quarterback. Not even close. Until he gets those signature wins, I don’t give a s*** how many yards you’re putting up, how many touchdowns you’re putting up. It doesn’t matter without the wins. If we go 8-4 and don’t beat anyone worth a d***, no one is going to remember and no one will care.

Yeah, he had a great coming-out party against Hawaii and a good win to start the season against Nevada, but neither of those are wins people are going to remember. We haven’t beat a major team since I can remember. A top 5 team, a big bowl game. Even if they would’ve beat Michigan this season it would’ve been better. Until he does that, he’s just a guy putting up numbers.

Is the pressure on Jimmy? Absolutely. But there’s never too much pressure on a kid like this. You sign up to be the quarterback at Notre Dame, and that’s what you get. But the second he starts winning, he’ll be getting the accolades coming his way.

I don’t know if he has that “it” factor yet. Any Notre Dame team can go out and beat up on the Nevada’s of the world, but until you go out there and compete against USC or Michigan or someone like that, then Jimmy Clausen will just be another quarterback.

First off let me start by saying I am a huge fan of Marc Edwards. I always respected the way he played the game for the Fighting Irish. Notre Dame always got a 100% effort from the big guy and he left his heart on the field at all times. But I think a lot of what he says is dead wrong here. Yes, quarterbacks are measured by wins no doubt. But you can't blame ND losing last week because of Jimmy Clausen. He doesn't play defense or special teams or wears the pinstripes for the Big Ten. He throws touchdown passes and lately he has been throwing a ton without turning the ball over. What else can you ask out of your quarterback? Just because Dan Marino never won a Super Bowl doesn't mean he isn't a great quarterback. Nobody is going to take Trent Dilfer over Marino. Nobody. Until Notre Dame develops some great lines they can't compete with the big boys on a consistent basis. This isn't Jimmy's fault and Edwards should have enough brains to see this. Clausen is handling all the "pressure" with ease at Notre Dame. He hasn't gotten in any trouble and it seems like his teammates really like him. He has developed into a leader this season. Yet to know all this and then to hear a former player knock him down is disappointing. Edwards has a right to his opinion no matter how idiotic it is. I would just hope that former players would show support for the current ones instead of acting like this. In other words, FUCK OFF MARC EDWARDS! You are either with us or against us. Please act like you are a part of the Notre Dame family and show your support. And please don't point out a quarterback who has Clausen's numbers (leads the nation in almost every important QB stat this season) and state that they are basically a failure if they don't win.

Just my two cents.

PAUL JOHNSON: "ARE YOU THAT STUPID?"

Georgia Tech football coach Paul Johnson finally let it all out last night on offensive lineman Phil Smith after he had a false start while Tech was attempting to go for a 2 point conversion while down 33-16. You could see the frustration building up all night for Johnson. Tech was getting absolutely manhandled all game. Their defense looked slow, really slow and their offense could not muster up a running game because their QB Josh Nesbitt looks like Reggie Ball 2.0 when throwing. This could be a long season for the Ramblin' Wreck if they don't work on their conditioning. They look like a bunch of toothless New York hookers out there.



By the way, what happened to Reck Style last night? Where was the hunger to win?

SHAKEN BABY SYNDROME OR MIAMI CRACK ADDICT?

Big HT to Patrick for the video. I don't know about what you guys think but I am on the Jacory Harris bandwagon. Harris is just a sophomore and he has completely torn apart a FSU and Georgia Tech defense that before the season started were not seen as weak but Jacory has made them look like it.

Jacory just seems so cool, calm, and collected whether he is in the pocket or rolling out and finding underneath receivers open. After last night's game I would have to say that Jacory and the U are legit. They completely tore up a decent Georgia Tech team last night in Coral Gables that was pretty much the same team that tore them up last year to the tune of 470 rushing yards. If the Miami offensive line can keep Jacory's uniform clean then I wouldn't be surprised to see this team lose 1 or less games this year and be serious contenders for a BCS Bowl game. They still have to travel to Blacksburg to face Virginia Tech and then face Oklahoma in the next two weeks but if they can win at least one of those there is little doubt this team is top 10 material.

It's actually quite amazing too when most of the team is comprised of sophomores and freshmen. Head coach Randy Shannon is apparently no longer in the hot seat either. I'm actually kind of looking forward to the Convicts being good. It makes the ACC a lot more interesting and god knows they need something.

What do you guys think? Is Miami legit? Is Jacory Harris now a serious contender for the Heisman? Is that really a baby on that guys shoulders or just some coked out Mexican?

THE PURPLE JESUS SHIRT

We got another brand new NFL style t-shirt called the PURPLE JESUS. It's in honor of the best back in the NFL, Mr. Adrian "Purple Jesus" Peterson of the Minnesota Vikings. This is a great shirt for any AP fan or Minnesota Vikings fan or if you like to refer to your man member as Purple Jesus. Trust me, the ladies love the Purple Jesus.

And for the low price of $17 you can't beat the Purple Jesus.

Buy it now at THE SPORTSCRACK STORE PAGE.

KEEP DOING WHAT TO CHICKENS?

The reaction of the female co-anchor is absolutely priceless. It's like she just got it in the wrong hole. It appears Fox News in New York City is a little too "liberal" for the rest of us.

"Keep f-king that chicken!"

"Ok, I will do that."

If anybody was wondering if Ron Burgundy was real...well...you got your answer.

Video HT: WarmingGlow

WRONG HOLE LOVE BALLAD

We have all been there...

WRONG HOLE with DJ Lubel, Taryn Southern and Scott Baio from Scott Baio

MICHIGAN LINEBACKER JONAS MOUTON PUNCHING NOTRE DAME CENTER ERIC OLSEN

Nothing like some good old fashion punches being thrown in college football. What are the chances Michigan head coach Rich Rodriguez suspends Mouton for throwing the sucker punch in the neck of Olsen? I'm going to say 1 in a million.

Video HT: IrishFanNetwork.com

ROGER FEDERER DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT

Roger Federer lost not only his chance at a 16th Grand Slam title yesterday but also his cool as he vented his frustrations out at the chair umpire in between games. Listen, I like to see this kind of stuff in tennis. Makes it more interesting. The tennis elite class will tell you that this is uncalled for and has no place in the game. I call it being competitive. Congratulations go out to Juan Martin del Potro for winning his first Grand Slam title. He beat Rafa and Federer. He deserved this title and if you haven't had a chance to watch the 20 year old Argentinan play you should because his forehand stroke comes at you like a Nolan Ryan fastball. 100 mph plus!

Anywho, this will be the last we talk about tennis for a while considering 75% of the world population doesn't even know it still exists. It's hard to pay attention to a sport that tells you to be quiet every time something remotely exciting happens.

As Roger Federer would say,"Don't tell me to be quiet, when I want to talk I will talk, I don't give a shit." I agree.

JOHN ABRAHAM MAKES JAKE LONG HIS BITCH

Jake Long made the Pro Bowl last year as a rookie. John Abraham for some reason didn't make the team despite having 16.5 sacks last year. Let's just say Abraham has taken it personal and will show the rest of the NFL who one of the best pure speed rushers is in the game right now. If he stays healthy there is no doubt he gets 20 sacks this season. The Atlanta Falcons will need every single one of those sacks if they are going to be legitimate contenders for the NFC Championship this year.

VIRGINIA CAVALIER FOOTBALL IS GRACEFUL

0-2 with losses to William and Mary and TCU (The Horned Frogs are legit) and this season is already off to a rocky start. Throw in the fact that your mascot can't stay on his horse and you know this is going to be a long season for any Cavalier fan. Just blast some Dave Matthews and pray that Al Groh retires or quits UVA fans. 2009 looks like another lost season.

NOT A GOOD WAY TO START THE SEASON FOR THE CHICAGO BEARS

The Chicago Bears started their 2009 season off with a bang last night and I'm not talking of the gang variety. Early in the first half they lost linebacker Brian Urlacher to a wrist injury. He did not return and now it has become official: he is lost for the season with a dislocated wrist. Ouch! To make matters worst last night the Bears lost to one of their arch rivals Green Bay Packers thanks to the newly acquired savor Jay Cutler. Cutler threw his 4th and final interception to seal a Bears defeat with less than a minute to go in the game. The loud booming cheer you heard wasn't from Packers fans. Nope, those were Denver chants. The Broncos fans could be heard all the way from the Rockies thanks to a "HAHA...GO F YOURSELF CUTLER!" feeling that simply overcame the state of Colorado.

I know I might get blasted on this since there are a ton of Bears fans who read this blog but I've never understood the fascination with Urlacher. It seems like the guy always missed more tackles than he actually made. He basically reminds me of Keith Brooking. Solid linebacker but not a guy who deserves to be considered one of the best at his position. Urlacher benefited from playing in Chicago and the Bears never having a franchise QB. I guess after last night we can still say that.

ROGER FEDERER BETWEEN THE LEGS SHOT

My balls shrivel at the thought of swinging a metal object forcefully between my legs but the world's greatest tennis player, Roger Federer, has balls of steel so he can do whatever he wants. Federer advances to his 17th final in the last 18 majors which is a phenomenal feat to face up and comer Juan Martin Del Potro who crushed Federer's main nemesis Rafa Nadal yesterday in straight sets. If Federer wins it will be his 16th grand slam title and his 6th US Open title in a row.

And yes, the only reason I'm writing about this is to completely forget about Saturday's events in Ann Arbor. The only thing I'm trying to remember for the good of my body and mind is that Michael Floyd proved yet again he is the most dominating receiver in college football. Floyd is the Larry Fitzgerald of college football.

CBS ANNOUNCER GUS JOHNSON GOES CRAZY AND I LOVE IT

All announcers should react to plays like this. Love the emotion CBS play-by-play guy Gus Johnson displayed here. I was watching this game after they cut to it immediately after the Atlanta Falcons beat the wildcat out of the Miami Dolphins today. Great way to start off the NFL season. It looks like we will see Michael Vick soon in an Eagles uniform. Starting QB Donovan McNabb broke a rib today. Vick still has to sit out next week but then come week 3 he should probably be starting. Ruh roh.

STATE TROOPERS SHOW SPURRIER NO RESPECT

Back in the day when Steve Spurrier was hanging 50 plus points on the Bulldogs while coaching at Florida nobody would dare due the fist bump right in front of him. How things have changed for the Ole Ball Coach.

MANTI TE'O STARTING VS MICHIGAN

Yes sir, Manti Te'o will be starting at outside linebacker according to ESPN GameDay. The Wolverines await a day of bruises, broken bones, and torn ligaments from the Hawaiian Hitman. His mission today is to destroy Michigan. This is inevitable. Don't believe me? Ask the Wolfpack how they felt after facing the young freshman sensation last week...



Prediction: Notre Dame 27 Skunkbears 17

ALABAMA FAN RICKY BOBBY GOES BESERK

I can laugh at this because thankfully nobody ever filmed me during the 2007 Notre Dame season. This rant from Alabama fan Ricky was tame in comparison to the bloodshed I spewed out to the television that year. Let's just say therapy (booze) got me through those difficult times.

In all honesty is this guy fucking crazy or what? Dude, it's the first game of the season and already the guy is having a seizure. Someone in his family, whomever hasn't disowned him, needs to sit him down and slap him with their Bear Bryant hat. Oh yeah, no doubt in my mind this video is real unedited emotion. This is College Football. This is Sportscrack behavior.

Video HT: BarStool Sports

2 MORE DAYS

Till DickRod and his Skunkbears run out onto the field of the Big House and get their shit absolutely throttled by Notre Dame. I am salivating at the -3 for this game for the Irish. Hell, Notre Dame will cover it by the opening series. Hopefully scUM will look this graceful when running out on the field this Saturday...



Video HT: Frank from UHND

BOBBY WTF WERE YOU THINKING?

The Atlanta Braves 2009 season came to an unofficial end last night as soon as stumbling manager Bobby Cox decided not to send rookie ace Tommy "Big Red" Hanson to finish his shutout in the 9th with a 1-0 lead. Cox fell for the bullshit 100 pitch garbage that seems to have prevailed over any common sense these days and pulled Hanson in favor of closer Rafael Soriano despite the fact that Big Red was cruising and was still hitting 95 on the radar in the 8th. Once Hanson finished the 8th he had reached 98 pitches and because Cox is a moron pulled him because he thought throwing 12 or more pitches in the 9th to finish off his first career shutout would be too much for a 23 year old to handle.

Fucking idiot!

Listen, I don't like the 100 pitch count. A round number of 100 pitches does not make or break one's arm. Hanson and most importantly the Braves would be fine today if Cox would have let the kid stay in the game and finish his shutout. Maybe I'm old school but I think starting pitchers should be given the chance to finish games especially when it's someone who is his hitting mid 90's in the 8th and having his way with batters. This idea of a closer having to be there in the 9th to finish the game is conventional bullshit. It's this idea of trends in sports that drives me crazy and everyone follows it like a flock of sheep. Listen, just because everybody else uses the Wildcat offense in football now doesn't mean you have to use it and the same goes with the closer and the 100 pitch count in baseball.

Think for yourself and do what is best for the team. Pulling Hanson last night was just plain dumb. It made absolutely no sense and Bobby Cox, I hate to say it, has seen his time and now the Braves need to make a change. With all of their pitching this Atlanta Braves team has massively under achieved in what as hard as it is for me to admit was a great offseason for Frank Wren. Wren brought in the proper pieces to contend at the very least for a Wild Card. Bobby Cox and his managing has failed. Why he kept Kelly Johnson in for so long at 2nd base to start the season and why he continues to put Greg effing Norton in their to pinch hit in clutch situations are just minor examples of his failure this season.

It's time for a change. Let's just hope the Braves have enough balls to make the difficult decision and let Cox go.

DO YOU GET IT IN THE CAN?

I thought everybody took it in the can at least once? Don't act like you haven't. Sinners. All of you.

VIDEO HT: BarStoolSports

US OPEN HAS GREAT SECURITY

Dude, were they going to wait till the guy got on his knees and started sucking him off? Seriously, what the hell is security doing? Apparently this is acceptable behavior in New York City because nobody even freaked out when the intruder tried to kiss Rafael Nadal on the lips.

You know how I know tennis is gay? Because of shit like this. Actually I'm not going to lie, I've been watching a ton of the US Open this year because of Marietta's Melanie Oudin. What can I say other than 17 year old girls from the South just manage to grab my attention when they are sweating and swinging a racket while grunting. So innocent yet so animalistic. Yes, I can feel those flames right now. Or is that Craig Hansen? Either way I'm on my way to hell.

JEFFTCARVER WON WEEK 1 PICK EM CONTEST

Congratulations go out to jefftcarver who went 13-3 in his College Football Pick Em points and amassed the most points with 119, narrowly defeating notre damian and rmkdhk whom both scored 118. It looked like I did pretty shitty the first week finishing 35th. I shouldn't have ever picked Rutgers or put so many points on Oklahoma. Fucking Sam Bradford and his shoulder. Anywho, jefftcarver wins a free Sportscrack shirt or mini helmet of his choosing. Be sure to email me jeff whenever you get the chance.

Make sure you guys and gals go ahead and put in your picks for this week. Every week somebody will be a winner. If you haven't signed up it's not too late to join. Just go to www.funofficepools.com, click on the JOIN A POOL link at the top, click on the College Football Pick Em from the drop down menu, the pool name is Sportscrack.com (make sure you type it in exactly like this with the S capitalized), don't worry about the password, and make your selections.

And by the way the picture above is Kelly Brook from the GQ Awards which you can view over at WWTDD.com. Why is she up there you ask? Because it just doesn't matter, that's why!

THANK THE LORD THIS GUY DIDN'T GO TO USC

Arizona State freshman linebacker Vontaze Burfict laid down the wood on ISU's quarterback Russell Hill Saturday night and the first thing that came to my mind was "Holy hell, thank you for not letting this beast of a linebacker go to USC." Burfict was originally committed to USC but at a last second reversal of plan ($$$$) decided to travel east to Arizona State. It made perfect sense since USC "graduated" all 3 of their starting linebackers to the NFL to instead go to Arizona State. Made almost as much sense as Manti Te'o going to Notre Dame. I sure as shit am happy they chose their own path.

Video HT: EDSBS

HIGH SCHOOL KICKER NAILS 67 YARD FIELD GOAL

Legacy High School (Broomfield, CO) kicker Kip "Iron Foot" Smith got an opportunity last week to capitalize on a little known rule of a free kick after his team made a fair catch at their 43 yard line at the end of the first half. Obviously the kid nails the field goal which sets a new state record and later was seen nailing anything with a skirt. Dude, the kid hit a 67 fucking yarder! He better be getting mad tail after that accomplishment.

Video HT: FanIQ

LATEST BETWEEN TWO FERNS

Charlize Theron makes an appearance with Zach Galifianakis and all I can say is wow, how does this chick not get more attention in Hollywood?...

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis from Between Two Ferns

OBAMA IS THE DEVIL!

Not really but I had to laugh at this interview parody involving our President talking to kids in school...


Video HT: MacG

SPORTSCRACK TOP 10 CFB POLL

1. FLORIDA GATORS-The Gators beat the shit out of Charleston Southern but they did not cover the spread. Losers. All kidding aside they looked really good against an inferior opponent and managed to stay away from any serious injuries. They should cruise again this week against Troy.

2. TEXAS LONGHORNS-Colt McCoy and the offense looked at midseason form vs. Louisiana Monroe and The Real McCoy is the first Longhorn QB to pass for 10,000 yards in his career. They get another warmup game this week against Wyoming before they face the Red Raiders in a Saturday night revenge game in Austin.

3. ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE-The scoreboard said they only won by 10 points but make no mistake the Crimson Tide dominated Virginia Tech in the Georgia Dome Saturday night. Their offense moved the ball with ease against a decent Hokies defense. If the Tide continue to put up points they have a good enough defense to not only contend for a SEC Title but a National Championship. This week against Florida International should be no problem.

4. USC TROJANS-The freshman looked good. Real good actually. Matt Barkley completed 15 of 19 for 233 yards and the Trojans offense didn't skip a beat while piling up over 600 yards. The defense was against Trojan-like, holding San Jose State to only 121 yards in a 56-3 romping. I have no doubt in my mind the Trojans will destroy the Buckeyes this week in Columbus and cover the 4 point spread.

5. PENN STATE NITTANY LIONS-The Nittany Lions weren't overly impressive against Akron in week 1 but this team should get better as the season progresses. Daryl Clark looks like a legitimate Heisman contender and looking at their schedule I wouldn't be surprised to see them go undefeated during the regular season.

6. OKLAHOMA STATE COWBOYS-Okie State looked good and took advantage of some questionable calls by the refs to destroy Georgia 24-10 in one of their biggest games in their history. I still don't think their defense is championship calibre but if their offense continues to put up points don't be surprised if they make a legitimate run for the Big 12 South Title this year against Texas. Notice how I didn't mention the Sooners? They are done.

7. OLE MISS REBELS-Horrible first half, great second half. The Rebels have a ton of athletes who managed to take over in the second half against a poor Memphis team. A good warm up game for Jevan Snead (who came nowhere near his Heisman preseason talk in this battle) and Ole Miss to work on some things. They got SE Louisiana after the off week this week so they have plenty of time to not lose.

8. CALIFORNIA BEARS-They absolutely destroyed Maryland Saturday night. If there is one team that could possibly beat USC it is this Cal squad. Jahvid Best looked like the best runningback in the nation (apologies to Jonathan Dwyer) and should put up more All American numbers this week against Eastern Shithole...uh Michigan I meant to say.

9. BRIGHAM YOUNG COUGARS-Those mother fucking Mormons did it, they beat the Sooners. They knocked around Heisman winner Sam Bradford until finally delivering the knockout punch in the second quarter. BYU's defense looked incredible Saturday night and with Max Hall back at QB it wouldn't be much of a surprise if this team goes to a BCS bowl. And yes, they would deserve it especially if they go undefeated.

10. LSU TIGERS-LSU will get better as the season goes on but they do have a lot of things to work on. Their defense looked awful against Washington. They got torn up for nearly 500 total yards. Right now this team is top 10 on name alone. If they can't get their defense and offense rolling they could lose to Vandy at home this week. Don't laugh, I'm being serious.

Just missed the cut: Notre Dame Fighting Irish, Ohio State Buckeyes, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Boise State Broncos, North Carolina Tarheels

What do you guys and gals think? Feel free to leave your comments below.

TERRELLE PRYOR LOVES MICHAEL VICK

From the World Of Isaac comes this memorable quote from Terrelle Pryor on why he wore Michael Vick's name on his eye black yesterday during the Buckeye's close win over the Naval Academy...

Not everybody’s the perfect person in the world. I mean everyone kills people, murders people, steals from you, steals from me, whatever.

Umm...ok...WOW is all I have to say. I didn't realize that "everyone kills people" when they aren't playing football. Holy shit, this guy has to be the dumbest collegiate athlete on campus right now. Frankly I would be embarrassed if I were a Buckeye fan and this guy represented our team.

PENN STATE LOOKED GOOD YESTERDAY

But seriously, what's up with the kid with the purple cape? Nerd!

SAM BRADFORD OUT OF THE HEISMAN RACE

With the injury to his AC joint being at best a 2-4 week injury, Sam Bradford has been pretty much eliminated from contending for the Heisman Trophy this season. I know it's only the first week but Oklahoma did not look good at all vs. BYU. I guess losing 4 of your starters on the offensive line does hurt. Bradford's shoulder would agree.

Two guys who deserve serious Heisman consideration are Cal's Jahvid Best and Notre Dame's Jimmy Clausen. Both players looked tremendous yesterday and they should be able to put up the numbers to contend for a trip to NYC this year.

What do you guys think?

Jahvid Best vs. Maryland...

ME LIKEY!

Mike Floyd looked like God out there today. What a beast of an athlete he has become. I'm going to enjoy this win immensely. Watch out for the Fighting Irish this year. Their defense and offense pound people. 35-0! To Hell with Michigan coming up.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!

College Football is in full kickoff mode this Saturday so while you are out Tailgating like a Champion I want you to remember the little things that count: Beer, Babes, and Football. Be careful out there. You don't want to end up like this guy singing at your buddy's funeral...


This is pretty much what I'm going to sound like around 9 tomorrow night except more incoherent and a few scratches and bruises. Gotta love college football season. The crackhead singing Amazing Grace brings back memories of Eddie Murphy in the 80's BTW.

Video HT: Shaun

MICHIGAN FIGHT SONG BRINGS TEARS

These parents should be arrested for child abuse for putting this kid through the nightmare that is Rich Rodriguez and Michigan. You gotta admit, the child does a hell of a Dick Rod impression. Don't worry kid, I cry also when I hear the Michigan Fight Song. Brings back awful memories of all those whores in Ann Arbor.



Video HT: Extra Mustard

DUDE PERFECT - SUMMER CAMP EDITION

VIDEO HT: Extra Mustard

KATHY LEE GIFFORD CHANNELS HER INNER LAGERRETTE BLOUNT

I'm not going to lie, for an 80 year old, Kathy Lee ain't bad. Just saying she can get my manhood whenever she wants.

LEGARRETTE BLOUNT DELIVERS ULTIMATE SUCKER PUNCH

Holy shit! I hope the rest of the college football season is much better than that shit I watched last night. Both the South Carolina-NC State and Oregon-Boise State games were a collective monkey fucking a wet football classics. The only "entertainment" came at the conclusion of the Boise State 19-8 win over Oregon when the Duck's RB Legarrette Blount decided to go batshit crazy after sucker punching Boise State's Byron Hout. This was the perfect ending to a horrific game. Oregon looked gawd awful and all those fans of Jeremiah Masoli who kept emailing me about how this kid was going to be a Heisman contender should keep eating their Coco Puffs. Masoli was terrible. Actually everybody playing on the blue turf in Boise didn't deserve their scholly. But getting back to Blount, who had 17 TD's last season, is going to be suspended for at least 6 games. Hell, he might get kicked off the team. He brought back memories of Ron Artest going after fans and that surely is not going to keep you on the field of play.

When security and police have to "escort" you off the field you know that you are going to a world of hurt...


Oregon coach Chip Kelly should suspend if not completely kick off Blount. There is no excuse to act the way he did. Kelly should also let Blount kick him straight in his manbags for that horrible game plan. The new coach turned the Ducks into a passing team when we all know they should have been able to run the ball over an undersized Boise State defense. Blount is crazy no doubt but Kelly is a dumbass for not running the ball and making myself look like a complete asshole for picking the Ducks as PAC-10 sleepers. For this Kelly deserves a swift kick in the junk. This can't be argued. Blount go bye-bye for at least 6 games if not the whole season. Justice served.

9 TOUGH SHAMROCK SHIRT IN MOSCOW

Yesterday I demanded pictures of Sportscrack shirts with either famous people or in front of famous sites and my old college roommate Josh came through with both. Josh is seen sporting the 9 Tough Shamrock shirt in Moscow's Red Square with his lovely fiance Anya whom you may recognize as the #10 case model on the show Deal or No Deal. It's great to see our shirts making an impact in former Communist regimes. Hell, our shirt probably helped cause the collapse of those Commie bastards. Capitalism baby! Anywho, I just got tickets 16 rows behind the Atlanta Falcons bench to go see old #9 himself, Zibby, in action for the Baltimore Ravens at the Dome. Don't worry, I will be taping tonight's college action to make sure I covered my bets. I could really care less about the first game between NC State and South Carolina but I sure as shit don't want to miss the Boise State/Oregon clash on the blue turf tonight.

Get your 9 Tough Shamrock shirt by clicking on the picture below...

8 MORE HOURS

All week I haven't been able to get this song out of my head. I haven't gotten any sleep because I have been bouncing off the fucking walls like I did an 8 ball with DJ AM. But we know that can't be because the guy is fucking dead. It's all because college football is finally starting. The time bomb is ticking. Time. Bomb. Ticking. Nah nah. Now try to get it out of your head. Welcome to my world.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL IS UPON US!

Tonight our long, pitiful wait for college football is finally over as we have two interesting games on the schedule with NC State vs South Carolina and Oregon visiting the Smurfs of Boise State. I'm giddy in anticipation and actually kind of shocked with the Boise State-Oregon line. As I mentioned earlier this week Oregon is my PAC-10 sleeper and as of this moment they are 5 point dogs to the Smurfs. So if you want to know what my first bet is this college football season it has to be Oregon with the +5. Jeremiah Masoli and the Oregon Ducks will be facing their highest rated road opener since 1975 when they played at #1 Oklahoma. The over/under is 66 and although I think it will be a shootout I'm taking the under.

Oregon +5
Under 66

The NC State/South Carolina looks like a snooze fest. Both of those programs have always bored me. Erin Andrews will be seen for the first time since the peeping tom video. Presumably with clothes this time. The game is in Raleigh but when it comes to ACC vs. SEC I always take the safe bet and go with the power conference. The Cocks are +5 in this game, take them. QB Stephen Garcia will be impressive when he isn't doing keg stands and Eric Norwood will have a couple of sacks.

South Carolina +5


I'm so happy college football is starting tonight I just can't hold it in anymore. Why must I cry?....

Video HT: Will

A LOVE STORY

Now that is true love. Slow clap.

PURWHO?

This picture was taken 9 years ago but have things really changed for the Purdon't win Boilermakers? The five offensive lineman were suppose to protect Drew Brees from his birthmark but obviously failed miserably. Holy shit, this has to be one of most gay things I have ever posted on this blog. For this I apologize. No person should have to look at a Purdue Boilermaker football player much less stare at them in black speedos.

So here is Megan Fox pant less...




Ahhh...now I feel much better about myself and my sexuality.

NICE FORM BALLKID

WithLeather has the most exciting clip in regard to yesterday's tennis action in Flushing Meadows, NY. Could they really pick a worst week to start the US Open? College Football is starting with the NFL looming, baseball playoff race is heating up and now they decide to play a tennis major? I would think more people would tune in and watch if this was in the last week on July instead of the first week of football season. Hell, what do I know? Tennis seems to be doing great despite all the tournaments moving overseas and nobody caring outside of the die hard fanatics who jerk off to the thought of Sharapova touching their forehand.

MATTY ICE SHIRTS TAKING OFF

With the NFL season less than 2 weeks away it is now time to load up on some of our new NFL shirts including the Matty Ice one which has now taken over the Dome. As you can see in the picture above the Matty Ice shirt has made it all the way down to the sidelines to display their support of Matt Ryan. The NFL's Best Looking Man
even caught a glimpse of the shirt before the Falcons took on the Chargers thanks to loyal Falcon's fan Billy who displayed his pride Saturday night. Billy gets a free shirt for the picture. Thanks Billy! If anybody else wants a free shirt all you have to do is get a picture of yourself wearing it next to either a celebrity or famous person and send it in to us at matt@sportscrack.com.

Matty Ice Shirt

NOTRE DAME BILLBOARD SHOULD HELP RECRUITING

Right above the Linebacker Inn near the intersection of Edison Road and State Road 23 near the Notre Dame campus lies this monstrosity of a billboard. Listen, I get it that people don't like Charlie Weis after the 10-15 record he put up the last 2 years. I will be one of the first to admit that I wanted to ring his fat neck every once in a while. But what kind of asshole buys a billboard to state their opinion which will only hurt Notre Dame? It's not even funny. If DickRod saw this he would breakdown and cry. I'm not joking. Whomever paid for the billboard needs to step up and claim it as their own.

I think we found our man...

OREGON CRIBS

After seeing LSU's facilities yesterday I thought they would be hard to beat. Well, Phil Knight laughs maniacally at your so-called top flight facility LSU fans. Check out their crib...

It must be rough going to Oregon on a football scholarship. It would be for me because I hate Nike cross trainers. They smell like wet trash after two weeks of wear and tear. Pieces of child's tears and unsafe labor laws garbage.

2 MORE DAYS...

Till Jeremiah Masoli and the Oregon Ducks (PAC-10 sleeper) take on BCS killer Boise State Broncos on Thursday night in what should be a shoot out. I'm taking Oregon to win the PAC-10 this year. I just can't get over USC starting a freshman quarterback and replacing all those defensive studs even though I know they are loaded with talent just ready to prove me wrong.

We are doing another year of College Football Pick Em. Go to FunOfficePools.com and sign up, pick the Sportscrack pool, and enter who you think will win this week starting with the Thursday night games. Who ever ends up with the most points at the end of the week wins a free Sportscrack shirt of their choice or you can pick any college or NFL mini helmet. The games are pick em, no spread, and you weigh the games in terms of confidence points. Last year was a success running the pool except for a couple of douchebags who bitched about their shirts not getting there within 24 hours of winning. It's free to enter, there is no spam, and you have a chance to win a free shirt. Pretty fucking sweet if you ask me. So enter now before you get drunk and forget. Hell, most of you probably drink on the job like myself so put down Grandpa's old cough medicine right now, slap yourself a couple of times, and enter those picks. Last year I believe we had over 125 people in the pool. This year I want to at least double that number so tell friends and family about it.

And in case you were wondering the Grand Prize winner at the end of the year gets one night with Kelly Brook...

I promised her family I would release her shortly after December 10th. I know, I'm such an angel.