ABSOLUTELY PATHETIC

2 home losses to Navy the last 3 years will get you canned. I have officially ran out of excuses for Charlie Weis. I've always been a fan of the "give coaches five years to turn around a program" but it's clear as day that Notre Dame Football is just as mediocre as the day Weis took over for Ty Willingham.

From now on ND's athletic director Jack Swarbrick better be burning up the phone lines looking for replacements as soon as the Stanford games final whistle blows. Personally I think the best man for the job is Urban Meyer. Do I think it is realistic to get him? No, not really. He has a great job right now at Florida and will probably win his 3rd National Title in 4 years thus turning the Gators into a dynasty. Why would he want to leave? He wouldn't. So if you can't get the best you have to settle for one of the rest. Any of these coaches would be better than Charlie Weis: Gary Patterson (TCU head coach), Brian Kelly (Cincinnati head coach), Jon Gruden (Super Bowl winning HEAD coach and current MNF announcer), Mark Richt (yes, I said it, he would be a great representative for ND and he can recruit), or Paul Johnson (Georgia Tech head coach).

I've always wanted Weis to succeed because I think he is a good man and I know he busts his ass 24/7 to make Notre Dame football competitive. It's just simply not working. When you have elite Heisman caliber players on your roster (Jimmy Clausen, Golden Tate, and Michael Floyd) and you are still struggling to put points on the board against teams like Navy then you are what you are: over your head. A coach is always measured with wins or losses whether it is right or wrong. And right now the Fighting Irish are 16-20 in their last 3 seasons. Absolutely pathetic. Thanks for the memories Charlie. It's time to bring in a proven winner. Finally.

MUST SEE TV: THE LEAGUE ON FX

The League on FX - Exclusive Clip - The Birthday Song - The most popular videos are here

I watched the series premiere last night of "The League" on FX Channel and I admit I haven't laughed so hard since I watched the latest "Curb Your Enthusiasm" on Monday night. "The League" is hysterical and worth the time. It comes on tonight on the FX Channel at 10:30, right after "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia." The show follows the lives of friends who are in a fantasy football league together. The cast is great and the writing as far as the pilot goes was outstanding. If you are a fan of Curb or Kenny Powers then I'm pretty sure you will enjoy "The League." Give it a shot tonight. If you don't enjoy it then clearly you are a communist who can't enjoy humor of any kind.

27 TITLES RETURN TO GLORY SHIRT

Our newest Sportscrack t-shirt is called "27 Titles Return To Glory" with the "Putting the Nasty Back in Dynasty" on the back. Please note how the 27 and DYNASTY are in pinstripes. We are taking preorders now, shirts will start shipping starting next week.

27 RETURN TO GLORY SHIRT

NUMERO UNO REASON TO WATCH THE HILLS

Audrina Patridge is on the show. At least I think she is. Honestly I have no fucking clue. I stopped watching MTV when "Beavis and Butthead" was canceled. Any network dumb enough to cancel that show doesn't deserve my attention. Patridge on the other hand does deserve it...




Image HT: WWTDD

PICKING UP CHICKS WITH TOP GUN LINES

Holy Taco went to the Bahamas and boarded the Bud Light Party Cruise with one goal: to pick up girls with lines from the movie "Top Gun." The results varied...


EMBED-Hot Chicks Love the Top Gun Song - Watch more free videos

So this is what I have been doing wrong all these years. I always tend to use lines from "Silence of the Lambs." For some reason girls don't dig the line "it puts the lotion on it's skin or it gets the hose again!" I mean come on, it makes perfect sense ladies. You are on the beach getting sunburned. I'm offering you protection from the harmful UV rays. So just go ahead and get in my windowless van.

CONGRATS TO THE NEW YORK YANKEES ON TITLE #27

The long suffering is over for you Yankees fans out there. Now you can know that when A-Roid makes out with himself in front of the mirror he is doing it as a World Champion. Actually the only two players I feel some what happy for is Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera and Jorge Posada. Both are homegrown products who never left the Yankees (unlike Andy Pettitte) and remained loyal to Mr. Steinbrenner despite the fact that they brought in douchebags like Mark Teixeira and A-Hole. All is right in the baseball world today. The Yankees bought themselves another World Series. And here I was laughing when they spent over $430 million during the offseason while moving into a $1.3 billion stadium and thought to myself "God I hope they fail miserably again like 2008!" I guess the joke is on me. Mark this down as another win for Wal-Mart.

JUST ANOTHER REASON TO ROOT FOR THE PHILLIES: CHASE UTLEY'S WIFE

Her name is Jennifer Cooper Utley and she met Chase at UCLA where they were both attending. Let's just say Chase aka The Greaser hit a home run with this Megan Fox look alike...

SEXUAL HARRASSMENT VIDEO

"Smells like vagina in here! Smells like fresh vagina in here." Sounds like something Pete Carroll would say to his team before charging the field. In all seriousness I think I watched one of these videos in high school before starting my job as Photo Technician at Eckerd's Drug Store. It basically said sexual harrassment is if an ugly person hits on someone out of their league. No worries for me mate. Working in the photo lab was one of the greatest jobs. I could see everybody's pictures and blow them up to 8x10 if I felt like blackmailing people. We would get naughty pictures of couples, spring break pictures of girls making out, and of course the always entertaining drunk prank pictures. Those were the days back in my beat up Nissan 200SX, making $7 a hour, and not worrying about bills, mortgages, lawyers, STD's. The world was much simpler back then. The Yankees still sucked at baseball and Notre Dame was just starting to suck at football thanks to the transition to Satan, I mean Bob Davie.

But forget about all that. This should cheer us all up right guys?...

REEBOK COMMERCIAL LOVES THE BUTT

This is actually a brilliant commercial for Reebok on so many levels. The first level is appealing to men of course. We like to look at asses, it's in our DNA. The second level is it appeals to women because no matter what they say all women are jealous of other women with nice rears. It's on par with guys being jealous of Peter North or John Holmes. The third level is as a marketing tool for Reebok. In our ultra conservative minds this type of commercial can be seen as extremely sexual or controversial. Anything that is sexy or controversial usually sells.

With that being said they should have picked Kim Kardashian as the model. Seriously. Everybody in the free world would know what a Reebok Easytone is by now if her rump was selling them.

Via WithLeather via HotClicks

GREATEST NEWSPAPER COVER EVER?

Daddy likey? The New York Post wins the prize for most original cover for this Pedro Martinez as a baby photoshop. I didn't have rooting interest in this game tonight but after seeing this I really hope the Phillies and Pedro stick it to the Yankees tonight. It's too bad the game is on tonight since I'm going to have to miss at least an inning with Modern Family on ABC. No worries since World Series games on FOX take about 5 hours to complete.

NY FANS VS PHILLY FANS FROM THE DAILY SHOW

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Clash of the Cretins
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

I don't think I could have said it any better myself. The world will be a better place once the Fall Classic is over and we can all forget about it.

Video HT: BarstoolSports

SPORTSCRACK TOP 10

1. FLORIDA GATORS-These eye gouging assholes stay at #1 till somebody comes up and beats their ass. It hasn't happened since September 2008 to Ole Miss and I can't see it happening anytime soon unless Bama plays one hell of a game in Atlanta.

2. TEXAS LONGHORNS-Texas proved me wrong last week by destroying Okie State in Stillwater. They are the real deal and it looks like they will be playing in the BCS Championship if Colt McCoy stays healthy.

3. ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE-They got lucky against Tennessee but had last week off to get their shit together and prepare for LSU this week. It wouldn't shock me if LSU pulled the upset.

4. TCU HORNED FROGS-I am going to suck on their proverbial tit till they lose one. I think of all the teams who are undefeated they could hang best with the top 3. Their defense is outstanding and if they go undefeated I would have no problem seeing them in the BCS Championship game.

5. CINCINNATI BEARCATS-They keep winning. Even without QB Tony Pike their backup, Zach Collaros, has done an excellent job with 7 TD passes and 2 rushing TDs. The path to 12-0 isn't far off especially considering they play in the worst BCS conference but I have this feeling they are going to slip up somewhere whether it be West Virginia or Pitt.

6. IOWA HAWKEYES-The Hawkeyes know how to win some ugly games. They are sitting at 9-0 for the first time ever and have games remaining with Northwestern, Ohio State, and Minnesota. All are very winnable but I have a feeling they will lose in Columbus.

7. BOISE STATE BRONCOS-Remember people that they beat Oregon. They won, not Oregon. How anybody has Oregon ranked ahead of the Broncos needs to have their heads checked. I know Boise State's schedule is about as tough as Georgia's defense but they should not be dropped below the Ducks unless they lose.

8. OREGON DUCKS-I thoroughly enjoyed seeing the Mighty Ducks beat the living piss out of the Trojans and Pete Carroll Saturday night. The Ducks now sit in the driver's seat for the PAC-10 title and Rose Bowl berth. But watch out for a trip to Stanford this week. Could be a huge letdown game.

9. GEORGIA TECH YELLOW JACKETS-Nesbitt and Dwyer are running fools and they will not let the Yellow Jackets lose another ACC game against Wake Forest and Duke. You can pencil them in for the ACC Championship. The question is can they win out and make a BCS Bowl for the first time? My eight ball says "outlook good."

10. PENN STATE NITTANY LIONS-If the JoePa's beat Ohio State this weekend then they have a great chance of winning out and at the very least making a BCS Bowl game at-large. Whoever wins this week will get the invite to the Fiesta Bowl in my opinion.

ON THE OUTSIDE: LSU Tigers, Pittsburgh Panthers, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, USC Trojans, Ohio State Buckeyes, Miami Hurricanes

KIM KARDASHIAN WINS THE BEST HALLOWEEN OUTFIT

I don't care what anybody else says and yes I know she is currently with Reggie Bush but if I was single I would lick every single layer of Kim Kardashian. And yes, I mean "layers!" If you say you wouldn't you are either mentally challenged or fucking gay in every sense of the word. Her Princess Jasmine outfit screams "Fuck me now mister!"

I hate Reggie Bush because A)he received over $200,000 in college without a slap on the wrist, B)The Bush Push, and C)he bangs Kim whenever and wherever he wants.

KELLY BROOK LOOKS DELICIOUS

Ladies, take note, this is what your Halloween costume should look like next year. Oh, and 32E boobs would help tremendously as Kelly Brook displays. I'm here to inspire.

Image HT: DailyMail


Now excuse me while I dream about sleeping on those funbags on the beach...

QUACK BITCHES

LSUfreek's stuff never gets old.

BRANDON SPIKES LIKES IT DIRTY

Check out Florida linebacker Brandon Spikes get a little pokey with Georgia tailback Washaun Ealey. I'm not sure what he was trying to do other than change out his contacts...

Video HT: TheBigLead
Yes it was a dirty play but this kind of shit happens all the time. He's lucky he didn't try to speed bag his nuts. I've seen it happen in a pile.

Where does Georgia go from here? Right now they sit at 4-4 and for the first time in Mark Richt's coaching tenure in Athens there are serious questions about where the program is headed. Just last season they were the preseason #1 team in the country and looked poise to win their second National Championship ever with Matthew Stafford and Knowshon Moreno back. But they failed miserably getting blown out by Alabama and Florida last year and then letting Georgia Tech run all over them.

This year it looks like their cycle appears to be on the downward side again and yet they don't even belong on the same field as the Florida's and Alabama's of the world anymore. Right now you look at Georgia and you have to say that those teams are clearly better than them and only getting better along with rivals Tennessee and Georgia Tech.

If I were a betting man for 2010 I would say both Florida and Tennessee will be ranked ahead of Richt's Dawgs in the SEC East and LSU and Alabama will obviously be better too. This leaves Georgia middle of the pack in the SEC. With the amount of top flight recruits Georgia and Richt bring in year after year this is unacceptable and it falls on the coaches to get these kids ready. Coordinators Willie Martinez and Mike Bobo should both be let go this offseason. If Richt wants to keep his job in Athens he needs to be the hammer and knock out these crooked nails. It amazes me that Martinez didn't get fired after last season. Georgia's defense has regressed every season since Martinez took over after Brian VanGorder left and yet he still collects a hefty paycheck every two weeks.

I'm interested to hear what Georgia fans and outside observers think of the Bulldogs. Am I being too overly critical of the Dawgs? Right now I think Georgia Tech would run rough shot all over their rival and if you would have told me this two years ago I would have said you are crazy. Is Georgia turning into the new Florida State? Tons of athletes who are undisciplined and get crushed by more prepared teams who are led by superior coaches?

GREAT PICTURE

Courtesy of SI.com comes this picture of ND safety Sergio Brown doing a flip after Notre Dame destroyed Washington State 40-14. The Fighting Irish cruised from the get-go and got brilliant performances from Jimmy Clausen, Golden Tate, and Robert Hughes on offense. The defense stepped up and forced the Cougars into 2 turnovers while limiting them to 206 total yards. You can't beat a day when Michigan and USC both get absolutely crushed and the Irish lay a whooping themselves in front of some important Texas recruits in San Antonio.

DUCKS BEAT TROJANS 47-20 USuCk SHIRT

In honor of the Ducks completely dismantling the Trojans tonight we came out with this shirt titled "USuCk" and it's only available at Sportscrack.

This unlicensed t-shirt is a symbol of the once mighty Trojan empire of the Pac-10 Conference crumbling right before our happy eyes in Eugene on this Halloween Day. Get them now before they sell out.

BEST HALLOWEEN COSTUME

If you think your costume kicks ass and has a legit shot to win at the party you are attending tonight well then just hope this guy doesn't show up. Fast forward to the :30 second mark...

Video HT: ExtraMustard

ARKANSAS SHOT THEIR WAD

Leave it up to Lee Corso to send us into the weekend. Who knows what else will cum out of his mouth this week...

TROJANS VS DUCKS: MAY THE BEST POON WIN

I feel kind of bad leaving out the left coast when it comes to talk about Poon because let's be completely honest: The West is the Best. Sure the property values are overpriced and 95% of the people are fake but the Poon just sizzles out there. Tomorrow we get the battle of the Pac-10's best teams in USC and Oregon in Autzen Stadium. Oregon is the only undefeated Pac-10 team at 4-0 and have recovered remarkably since their horrific start on the blue turf in Boise State. In fact they finished dismantling a team in Washington 43-19 who just happened to hand the Trojans their only loss of the season. The overrated and undisciplined Pete Carroll-led squad again have a chance to make pollsters completely forget about the Trojans shitting the bed against a bad Washington squad early in the season by coming in to Eugene and laying a hurting on the Ducks. Personally I think it's about time the Trojans got exposed. My prediction is Oregon 27 USC 17. But that is beside the point of the original point. The Poon. Let's take a look.

USC is well represented of course:






Oregon brings it back with a vengeance of mean Poon:






You can vote by leaving your comments below. I'm at a crossroads. Fuck it. I'm throwing a curve and going with Ashley...

WORLD'S BIGGEST COCKTEASE..I MEAN COCKTAIL PARTY TOMORROW

The Georgia Bulldogs enter tomorrow's contest with the Florida Gators on an obvious down note. Their defense has played shitty all season thanks to the "imaginative" schemes Willie Martinez has drawn up. They currently sit at 4-3 and the natives in Athens are getting restless with even some loyal fans aka assclowns calling for Richt's head. The Gators on the other hand are still undefeated despite playing sloppy football for over a month and come in #1 in the country thanks to Urban Meyer and the Gator's defense. Notice how he kept Tebow out of the discussion. It's for good reason. He isn't having a good season and it baffles me how people still have them in their top 3 for the Heisman. We all think we know who is going to win tomorrow. Florida. Duh. But the real question is who wins the battle of the Ta-Ta's. You decide in the comments section. Pictures are courtesy of one of the greatest blogs ever invented. I'm talking of course about the Poon of the SEC...

Your representative from Gainesville:


Your representative from Athens:


You decide who has the better rack. Comments below.

HEIDI KLUM CAN MAKE ANYTHING LOOK SEXY

WWTDD has the complete gallery of these new photos of milf Heidi Klum from her new book "Waiting for Fairchild" in which only her sweet self can make chocolate look this good...


No worries guys, she obviously wipes up and down (repeat)....


Call me old fashion but I'm more of a fan of the airbrushed topless look with some tight leather pants look. See that look in her face. It's the "Seal is just the appetizer for you Fairchild" eyes that haunt me. I see it all the time.


And I will leave you with the never gets old hair of the boobs trick. Oh what a tease. Can you imagine after three kids a woman still looking this hot? Seal is one lucky bastard. The crazy part is you know he is probably tired of banging her. Excuse me while I go swallow these horse tranquilizers.

THE BUTTON

I saw a preview for the new Cameron Diaz movie called "The Button" where she is presented with an interesting dilemna: push the button and you get 1 million dollars but somebody has to die. I looked at my wife, god bless her innocent soul, and said "fuck it, I would push the button as long as I don't know the person!" Does that make me a bad person or just a realistic one? A million dollars would be awfully helpful right now because I ain't selling diamonds here, I'm selling fucking t-shirts for dirt cheap.

I was going to post the preview of the movie here to let you judge it yourself but I found this one a lot more interesting than seeing Diaz age very ungraceful like...

The Button - watch more funny videos

So what would you do? To push the button or not, that is the question.

CLIFF LEE BASICALLYS SAYS PHUCK THE YANKEES

Cliff Lee was brilliant last night pitching a complete game in Game 1 of the World Series and showing the New York Yankees and their fans he can do pretty much anything...even behind his back...

Lee finished the night giving up only 6 hits (3 of them to JeTAH!) while striking out 10 batters (3 of them to A-Roids!) and walking nobody. He was so smooth and in command that you could hardly tell if he actually cared to be out there. Take for instance this catch while Tim McCarver narrates in annoying fashion as always...


Yep, ho hum. The Philadelphia Phillies looked dominant last night with Chase Utley hitting two bombs off of C.C. Sabathia and the Phillies knocking in some runs of a bad Yankees bullpen to finish a 6-1 win in Game 1. Tonight we have AJ Burnett pitching for the pinstripes against some guy named Pedro Martinez. You may have heard of him. The Phillies saved their bullpen in anticipation of going to it quickly tonight if Pedro throws 6 innings which would give manager Charlie Manuel his first chub in over a decade.

In the battle of Broad Street vs. Wall Street the series could be over quickly if Pedro pitches like his old self and Burnett fizzles. I don't see it happening. I think the Yankees bats awaken tonight to take game 2 but I still think the Phillies will win the series in 6 games.

PHUCK THE YANKEES SHIRTS AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE HERE:

GOLDEN TATE: GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH

With all the talk surrounding Jimmy Clausen and the Heisman I figured why not give the most dynamic receiver in the country a little pub. His name is Golden Tate and he continues to remind me of Steve Smith of the Carolina Panthers. His hands have death grips and his balance and leg strength make it almost impossible for a sole defender to bring him down. He was just recently named one of 10 semifinalists for the Biletnikoff Award which goes to the top wide receiver in the country. Right now he is on pace for nearly 90 catches and 1500 yards receiving to go along with 16 TD's. His pace would put him at the top of the greatest receiving year for a Notre Dame football player. He has simply been Golden since Michael Floyd went down with the collarbone injury. I pray he stays for his senior season. Same with Clausen. 2010 would be off the charts with those two back for their senior seasons.

DOUCHEBAG SOLIDARITY

It's not about you or me, it's about the douchebags out there. This video almost brought tears to my eyes. Or maybe that was the excess AXE spray.

JONATHAN DWYER WILL STING YA!

Video HT: WithLeather

The Yellow Jackets won in Charlottesville for the first time since 1990 (the last time Tech won a NC) thanks to this stellar run by all-world back Jonathan Dwyer. Tech as a team ran for over 360 yards and with the win combined with the Miami loss to Clemson they now sit in the driver's seat of the ACC Coastal division at 5-1. If they can win their last two ACC games against Wake Forest and Duke they will have a great opportunity of reaching their first ever BCS Bowl game.

Which brings us to this question: How in the hell did Georgia Tech manage to scoop up Paul Johnson? I mean think about it, a program like Nebraska had an opportunity to get this guy and instead picked Bo Pelini. Johnson has to be considered one of the top 5 coaches in the college game right now. The scary part is he doesn't even have his full compliment of players who fit his offensive style in The Flats yet. Nesbitt is a good quarterback but could you imagine the Tech triple option if they had somebody like Tony Rice, Tommy Frazier or Pat White running it? They would be unbeatable.

PURPLE JESUS RUNS OVER GAY

Adrian Peterson absolutely owned William Gay of the Pittsburgh Steelers on this play but Gay and his teammates got the last laugh as the Steelers hung on with two huge defensive touchdowns to beat the previously unbeaten Vikings 27-17. Peterson will probably get a letter from the Rainbow Coalition in regards to the Gay bashing he displayed here. Come to think of it I will more than likely get an email now from some sensitive fruit in regards to this joke.

PHUCK THE YANKEES SHIRT

We know how much Philly fans love New York so we figured what the hell, let's do a shirt for the Fall Classic. So here it is, the Phuck the Yankees shirt. We are taking orders now and the shirts will start shipping this Wednesday.

DRUNK GUY IN CONVENIENCE STORE

You could put video of baby seals getting clubbed but as long as there is the Benny Hill theme song playing in the background then everything is shits and giggles. Check out this video from Hot Clicks....

BLAST FROM THE PAST: KATARINA WITT

Katarina Witt, the German Olympic Gold Medalist figure skater, shows she still has that extra special something to make everything right in the world. At least in my world. This is the type of side Steve Phillips should be getting.

THE WORST SLUMPBUSTER EVER

According to The Big Lead the thing on the left has a name of Brooke Hundley, an ESPN employee who Steve Phillips was fucking on the side and what has ultimately cost him his marriage and job.

I knew Phillips was a bad ex-GM for the New York Mets but seriously dude, how the fuck do you pick that? The guy is going to loss hundreds of thousands of dollars in divorce because he wanted to go hogging. Don't get me wrong, hogging is a national past time for slumping ball players and/or Spring Break in Panama City but Phillips managed to pick out the worst one ever.

Apparently the "girl" had sex with Phillips three times which he has admitted to and can even identify some birthmarks around his cock and balls. She pulled a Fatal Attraction by showing up to his house and revealing the porking to Phillip's wife. His wife would probably just wished he fucked some random guys in park bathrooms instead of fucking Rosie O'Donnell's little sister.

GEORGIA TECH FANS TEAR DOWN GOALPOSTS

Now this is what college football is all about. You don't see this shit in the NFL. The passion is unmatched. Georgia Tech students and fans tore down the goalposts last weekend after their upset of then #4 Virginia Tech at Bobby Dodd. They took the goalposts out of the stadium and dispensed of them on the lawn of the GT president. Fucking awesome. This is what I thought for sure I would be doing last week up in Notre Dame. The dream would have become a reality if Jamoris Slaughter or Sergio Brown were starting at free safety.

By the way, how do people including myself not mention GT coach Paul Johnson as one of the top 5 coaches in the game. Seriously. Everyone mentions Urban, Saban, Carroll, Stoops, etc. but it seems like Johnson's name doesn't ever come up. The guy is a winner. He took Navy to 10 wins seasons after leaving Georgia Southern with National Titles in hand and now he has the Yellow Jackets in a position to make a serious run for a BCS Bowl game.

Of course now that I said it I probably jinxed them. They got a big game this Saturday in Charlottesville in a stadium they haven't won since 1990, the last time they won the National Title. Al Groh's teams play great ball in October and this year they are 3-0. It should be a close battle. Right now Tech sits as a 6 point favorite but I bet this game comes down to a field goal.

Video HT: The Big Lead via WizofOdds.

MARIANO RIVERA'S CUTTER MORE A SPITTER

I think it is pretty much obvious that Mariano Rivera was doctoring the ball yesterday against the California Angels. I haven't seen that much saliva since watching a Jenna Jameson girl-on-girl sequence. It should be amusing to see how the New York media treats this "cheating" since they tore apart A-Roids for his drug use. The Angels wound up winning yesterday from what I have heard. Don't ask me for any insight because I've been paying as much attention to the MLB Playoffs as the Balloon Boy coverage. I just read the Phillies won too. Wow. I. Am. So. Excited. A Yankees vs. Phillies matchup in the Fall Classic will be so epic nobody outside of those two miserable fan bases will watch it.

Just curious, but do any of you find what Mo Rivera did to be cheating? To me it's like rubbing the ball in the dirt.

28 DRINKS LATER

28 Drinks Later - watch more funny videos

This is essentially how I feel after getting back late last night from Chicago. Everything about my trip to Notre Dame was great except for the final score. We did shots at Knute Rockne's grave site, I got into the player's locker room and I touched the Play Like A Champion Today sign. You can't beat that shit. I met Joe Theismann, Michael Floyd, Golden Tate, Armando Allen, Jimmy Clausen, Rocket Ismail, and a cast of others while partying on what some people consider a dry campus. Trust me, it the furthest thing from a dry campus. I touched the grass on the field, went through the tunnel and was right there when the final pass went incomplete to Duval Kamara because he slipped. The game only reconfirmed what I already knew: the Irish defense stinks but the offense is led by the best quarterback in the nation in Jimmy Clausen and it kept them in the game. I know that the Heisman comes down to wins and losses but anyone who doesn't think Jimmy isn't by far the best QB in the college game today needs to have their head checked. He was pressured all day and took cheap shots from a fast Trojan defense and still had the chance at the end of the game to win it for the double digit underdogs.

The team fought all day and could have called it in when they were down by 20 in the 4th quarter but they didn't. I credit Charlie Weis for calling a great game. Yes, I said it, Charlie's playcalling was brilliant all day. The Trojan defense is that good and they still managed to put a ton of points on the board. The fake field goal was unbelievable. Robby Parris and Golden Tate (is there a more dynamic receiver in the game today?) came up with huge, clutch grabs. One more play and who knows, we might be talking about an Irish victory.

This season has become a mirror image of 2005. Last second losses to a team from Michigan and USC and if they had any form of defense they would easily be undefeated right now. It is what it is. Even with the defense Notre Dame is a top 15 team. They just need to win out starting with Boston College this week to prove it.

And to any of the voters out there who think USC still has a legitimate shot at reaching a BCS Championship game all I can say is NO. A good defense can shut those guys down especially if they don't have a free safety who bites every single time on play action on third and long. USC will lose at least another game.

If only ND had a defense. Fuck. Oh well, there is always next year. If Jimmy and Golden come back the offense is not going to skip a beat and should be even better with the likes of Michael Floyd, Kyle Rudolph, and Armando Allen all back. The recruiting should be excellent with Charlie still in charge. In case you were wondering the only way I want to replace Charlie is if Urban Meyer comes knocking on the door. I don't see it happening. He is too busy blowing Tim Tebow.

GOLF QUESTION

My buddy Chuck is getting married next Saturday (same time as the ND-Boston College game..bastard) and I've been put in charge of finding a tee time for 7-8 guys for next Thursday. Does anybody know of a place around Atlanta that has discount group rates? Hell, I will give the golf course some free advertising for a year on Sportscrack if they can hook us up. The free advertising alone would make up for all the empty beer cans and hooker spit left on the 18th green.

Either send me an email at matt@sportscrack.com or put your suggestion below in the comment box. Which ever suggestion is the best gets a free Sportscrack shirt.

TO ALL YOU ND HATERS: I THREW IT ON THE GROUND!

Andy Samberg - I Threw it On The Ground - watch more funny videos

I've got my shit packed and ready, waiting to board my flight to Chicago in what should be an epic weekend up in Notre Dame. I don't want to hear all the negative bitches about how USC is going to throttle Notre Dame with their speed and their talent because I just threw that shit on the ground Man! Jimmy Clausen will be throwing all over USC's overrated defense and Golden will have at least 3 or 4 plays where you look at your bud and say "Holy Shit!" It's time to wake up those echoes in Rock's House and I fully expect a loud and insane crowd especially when USC has the ball on offense. You can expect to see my ugly mug on the field as soon as the final whistle blows on Saturday because the Fighting Irish are going to win. There are no more excuses. Notre Dame has the starting talent to compete with USC. They may not have the depth yet but I don't expect to see 3rd and 4th stringers in this game for either team. In a close battle Jimmy and the Fighting Irish will come out on top. 10.5 underdogs at home! I just threw that shit on the ground man!

Early, pre-drunk stupor prediction: Notre Dame 31 USC 28


Big props go out to Dave Bregrande, ND grad, for designing the shirt above. I think it's one of our best yet. If anybody you know is looking for an independent graphic designer/illustrator you can contact Dave at UseDave.com

OWEN SCHMITT IS ALL KINDS OF CRAZY

Owen Schmitt brings back memories of the Irish fighter in Braveheart whom helps William Wallace. He just has that crazy look to him. Basically he is the last guy you want to get into a fight with at a bar or in church. Apparently the banging of the helmet to the noggin worked for Schmitt and his teammates as they completely crushed the worthless Jags yesterday 41-0.

NDAMUKONG SUH SHIRT HOUSE OF SPEARS 93

If you watched last night's battle on ESPN between Nebraska and Missouri you should have noticed #93 Ndamukong Suh for the Cornhuskers was completely dominating and making himself a future #1 overall NFL draft pick. In honor of Ndamukong, which literally translates to "House of Spears", we made this shirt for all the Nebraska fanatics. The guy is a beast and deserves some recognition from the Sportscrack nation. Big props go out to Dana for sending in the idea.

JESSICA BIEL DANCING

It's an old video but still enjoyable just in the fact you can see Jessica Biel dancing her arse off (which will never bother me) while Ellen sits there rocking the high hard one salivating how she can convince the actress to come into her dressing room.

I wanted to apologize for the lack of posts lately and I figured this video could be a peace offering of sorts. Normal everyday life has been busy as shit (not complaining) and my wife and I were dealing with what we thought would be the closing of a foreclosed house we wanted to buy. FYI don't ever go into a FHA loan or deal with a bank like Fannie Mae in regards to a foreclosure without fully expecting to get Roman Polanski'd before you can even call the house your own. It always amazes me how banks, government, lenders, etc. can take something so simple and make it so fucking complicated that you basically have to walk away. Oh yeah and anybody trying to sell their house right now and not lose a considerable portion if not all of their equity I feel for ya. But we are not hear to talk about the housing market. Fuck it.

The MLB playoffs started yesterday and as you can tell I really have 0.1% interest in it. It seems to be the same old shit. The teams that spend money make the playoffs (unless you're the Mets, Cubs and Tigers who are traditional losers) and the teams that can't afford it don't make it. Right now if I had money on the playoffs I think I would have to go with a Yankees-Phillies World Series. Yep, two teams I really don't like and a World Series I would choose to watch as much as that mythical Subway Series a few years back. I still have no clue who won it nor choose to acknowledge it ever happened. Listen, I love baseball. I have played the game since I could walk. I have my two favorite teams in the Baltimore Orioles and Atlanta Braves and stick with them through thick and thin. Until one of those two organizations make the playoffs again then I'm going to continue to ignore the MLB playoffs and focus my attention on football. The Orioles of course hit rock bottom this year (finished last in the AL) while breaking in a bunch of rookies (Matt Wieters, Nolan Reimold, Brian Matusz, Chris Tillman, Brad Bergesen, etc.) who look to be either future Superstars to help lead the Orioles back to the playoffs or help out the Yankees and Red Sox once they reach free agency. It's the sad but realistic truth. The Braves on the other hand should have made the playoffs this season especially with their pitching. I was completely wrong on Javier Vasquez. The guy was brilliant all season. Same with Jair Jurrjens and rookie phenom Tommy Big Red Hanson. Derek Lowe's contract looks bad right now but hopefully the Braves can unload it this offseason for a bat, any bat. The hitting was horrible all season most notably the outfield. If the Braves had the money like the Red Sox, Yankees, and others they would have had Tommy Hanson in Atlanta straight out of Spring Training because he was the most impressive pitcher by far according to the coaches and players and they would have had Jason Heyward playing right field by midseason. Instead they waited on Hanson to avoid a season of free agency because it was the right business move at the time and they kept Heyward in the minors all year for the same reason. As much as I hate to say it if both of these guys were on the team the whole season the Braves would have made the playoffs in my opinion.

But honestly who gives a shit once football season rolls around? This time next week I will be in South Bend waiting for what I'm hoping to be the game of my life. Yes, I do still believe Notre Dame will beat USC on October 17th 2009. I will be charging the field and wrestling down the field goal posts along with 80,000 others when the final whistle blows. I have been dreaming about this game for 3 years now. It's time for Notre Dame to get back their respect and show everybody that they finally deserve their own TV contract. Jimmy, Golden, and the Hawaiian Hitman are going to become legends in Rock's Stadium October 17th. The cycle is finally going to turn in favor of the Fighting Irish.

WHAT ARE THE CHANCES THIS KID EVER GETS LAID?

I'm going to go 1 in a 100 if he isn't paying. I've never seen a guy so pumped up to be playing the Cocks in my life. It's like he painted himself white because he knew the Cocks could explode all over the Dawgs that day. Luckily Georgia's Joe Cox came through and won the game or else this kid might have looked pretty stupid wearing white. It's not like he was at his normal Klan meeting. Those are only on Sundays. Duh!

Video HT: Will

JARED ALLEN IS MY NEW HERO

Minnesota Viking's defensive end/manchild Jared Allen had a hell of a game last night with 3.5 sacks to help Brett Favre beat his old team in the Green Bay Packers. I'm not here to talk about Favre. I could actually give a shit about giving that guy anymore news than he deserves. Jared Allen is why this blog exists. His mullet does it for me. Like the Hitler stache the mullet has been out of style for years. Why? Well if I need to explain it then I am really surprised you can even read and/or write or even know how to operate a computer without beating on it like a monkey.

The point is Allen is bringing back the mullet no matter how much he might get ridiculed. In fact he has been trying to bring it back since his playing days in Kansas City. In Missouri the mullet is almost as cherished as the St. Louis Cardinals and dentures. Take a look at this video of Mullet man explaining his doo...


I enjoy Allen. He seems to be the NFL's version of Kenny Powers. The guy wears #69 for a reason ladies. He has a sense of humor and doesn't take himself too seriously. Check out this shirt he is wearing to an interview with Fox Sports...

THE ED HARDY BOYZ

Since I own my own "fashion" t-shirt business I have tried to stay away from criticizing brands like Ed Hardy and Affliction. Mostly because the guys who wear them are bigger than me and could quite possibly be retarded. If you learn one thing in life let it be this: never get in a fight with a retard. Their strength is superhuman. Plus you will look bad in the long run because seriously, who fights retards? And no, I'm not making fun of mentally challenged people. Just people who wear Ed Hardy and/or Affliction shirts.

UNSPORTANSMANLIKE FOR THIS GARBAGE?

Take a look at this view and you tell me why AJ Green and Georgia got called for an unsportansmanlike penalty with just over a minute left in their game against LSU...


The Bulldogs got called for a 15 yard penalty after the refs on the field ruled that the Green Machine was guilty of unsportsmanlike conduct. Where the fuck is it? The Bulldogs, who just got a 13-12 lead over LSU with 1:09 left, were forced to kick off from their 15 yard line. LSU quickly scored thanks to the great field position because of the penalty and the fact that they couldn't tackle kick returner Trindon Holliday and RB Charles Scott. I'm not taking anything away from LSU. They fought the good battle and probably deserved to win this game fair and square. But why in the hell do refs throw flags in these situations?

Georgia just scored the go-ahead touchdown and of course they are going to celebrate like madmen. This is college football. Nothing AJ Green did warrants the "unsportsmanlike conduct" and yesterday it was confirmed by Roger Reddings, the SEC supervisor of officials, that the penalty shouldn't have been called. The refs need to have discretion when it comes to calling these penalties. You don't call this shit when it can affect the outcome of the game. Unless Green pulled a slash throat move or flicked the other team off there is no good reason to throw a flag there.

No truth to the rumor that the referees who called the Georgia-LSU game have been promoted to the Big Ten officiating crew. What do you guys think about the call and timing of it all?

CONGRATULATIONS TO RIO DE JANEIRO

You won the bid for the 2016 Olympic Summer Games over Chicago and Madrid and if there was any doubt as to why they were picked then you just haven't been paying attention to Rio...

No more Butts about it. Rio De Janeiro and Brazil deserved it.

COLLEGE GAMEDAY SIGN

Image HT: CollegeGameBalls

I can't believe I never thought of this before. Semenholes is even funnier than Criminoles. FSU now sits at 2-3 after getting dismantled by Boston College. How does Bobby Bowden still have a job? I know he is just a figurehead and all but FSU has been on a slow decline for the past 7 years. He is still getting athletes yet they still can't score any points. If Offensive Coordinator Jimbo Fischer is suppose to replace Bobby then I guess that is one of the reasons why he is hanging on (actually the main one is because he wants to finish with more victories than JoePa) because Fisher's offenses have blown. I wonder if FSU fans still blame Chris Rix for all their troubles?

THE BRONCOS ARE 4-0?

Kyle Stinkin Orton has replaced Jay Cutler in Denver and now has the Broncos sitting pretty at 4-0. Who would have guessed that? Don't even raise your hand liar. Brandon Marshall may be a pain in the ass to deal with in the clubhouse but look at what this psycho does on the field. He made the Cowboys look like Cowgirls. Fantastic.

YOU TELL ME WHAT MARK MAY IS DOING

ESPN disorderly personality Mark May made the above gesture when Lou Holtz mentioned Notre Dame quarterback Jimmy Clausen as a Heisman Trophy frontrunner after leading the Irish to their third straight last second win with a game winning drive. Clausen now leads the nation in passing efficiency while completing over 67% of his passes with a 12 TD-to-2 INT rate. But why would Mark May care? He would rather be doing other things apparently. Jimmy does appear to be the leading guy to win the Stiff Arm Statue because Tim Tebow is hurt and probably shouldn't play this week against LSU, Colt McCoy has been very average, and Sam Bradford was eliminated as soon as he went down with the shoulder injury against BYU. The only way Jimmy wins it though is if Notre Dame can beat USC on October 17th. Right now there is little doubt in my mind he is the best quarterback in the nation and he has matured into a leader. If Notre Dame did not have Clausen then they would be 1-4 right now. Seriously. If the Heisman goes to the best player in the nation then it would be hard to argue that Jimmy isn't it right now.

What do you guys think?

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND FOLKS!

It's been a tough week for me and I don't want to bore you with it so I will leave you with this: Drink lots of beer this weekend and root for your favorite team. Weekdays sucks, weekends rock. Let's do it right. Tailgate, beer, babes, football, black outs. What more could a guy or gal ask for?








And remember that alcohol makes everything better...

THE GREEN MACHINE 8 SHIRT

Here is our brand new THE GREEN MACHINE 8 shirt. We have had a ton of requests for this shirt to be made so I expect them to sell like crazy. Crazy like band boy ass crazy. If anybody is offended by this shirt or has a problem with it (Sierra Club, hippies, etc.) then you can email me at gofukurself@sportscrack.com.

I say this because today I was informed by a guy who runs a website that we paid to advertise on that he would no longer be doing business together because he was offended by our shirts such as the Ginas and the Gaytors shirts. I'm going to say this again, our shirts are all meant to be in good humor. If you find them offensive well then I am sorry. But you can get your liberal ass out of here if you think I am going to stop selling these shirts because your panties got a little wet when you saw one of our fucking shirts.

So in conclusion, free speech wins baby! God bless America and don't ever expect to see any PC shit here. Hoorah!

WAY TO GO CASEY BABCOCK

Talk about your all-time fuckup, fast forward to the 1:28 part of this video and see how Casey Babcock displays his inner Leon Lett...


Casey will never live down the embarrassment of that moment. In fact his life is about to spiral for the worst. No doubt about it. Here is what he will look like in 15 years....


Video HT: Extra Mustard

JIMMY AND ARMANDO FULL GO VS. WASHINGTON

"Jimmy is ready to go today. Jimmy's back. Armando's back. We're ready to go." - Charlie Weis

From IrishIllustrated comes this wonderful quote from today's presser with Notre Dame head coach Charlie Weis. Thank God. Notre Dame's offense struggled for the first time all season thanks in part to losing Michael Floyd for the season the week before but a large part of it was not having Armando Allen in the backfield and Jimmy Clausen playing half a game due to turf toe. If Notre Dame is going to outscore their opponents this season (trust me their defense can't stop shit right now) they are going to have to rely on Clausen and Armando getting the majority of the playing reps. Clausen is one of the top 3 quarterbacks in the nation right now and sealed one of those signature moments in Irish history when he came off the bench to help lead Notre Dame to a tough road victory in the final seconds with a winning touchdown pass to tight end Kyle Rudolph. The backup Dayne Crist is a great player himself but Jimmy is the clear leader of the offense and makes it work with his incredible accuracy and experience. Notre Dame also has a ton of depth at the tailback position but "MANDO" as I call him is the most dependable and has turned himself into a top 10 back in the nation with his 326 rushing yards in the first 3 games.

Having Jimmy and Mando back gives Notre Dame an extra 10 points at the very least in my opinion this weekend against a dangerous Washington team. Notre Dame has to win and hopefully convincingly instead of giving me cardiac arrest once again. They have an off week to prepare for their biggest game of the season: USC. Jimmy and Mando will help determine whether or not Notre Dame is ready to step up to the big boy table and finally slay their arch rival Trojans. The FUPA's job is on the line as well. I can't wait.

JULIUS JONES HONORS WRESTLING PAST

The Seattle Seahawks wore their bright lime throwback jerseys this past week against the Chicago Bears and they did what every Seahawks team has done: they choked away a win. But who gives a shit, it's the Seahawks. What was really cool to see was one of my favorite Notre Dame players of all-time, Julius Jones, give a little tribute touchdown dance to none other than past wrestling greats Jeff Jarrett and Ric Flair. Awesome.

EDIT: As pointed out by one of our great readers Jeff this move was "Technically speaking, the move he was doing was originated by wrestling legend Jackie Fargo, who was the King of Memphis wrestling BEFORE Jerry Lawler."
So there you go, thanks for the heads up Jeff!


Video HT: Extra Mustard

SAVE THE BOOBS CAUSE

What a great cause, the motorboatin' that is.

Video HT: WWTDD

AJ GREEN DOES IT ALL

AJ Green is the second best receiver in the country behind Michael Floyd and showed why he will be a top NFL pick after next season with this catch and juke against Arizona State in between the hedges...



And just when you think he can't do anything more on offense Coach Richt decides to loan him to special teams and he comes up with the field goal block to save the game...


AJ Green deserves a mountain full of naked coeds with little ambition other than nailing the football star. He earned his poon Saturday night.

NOW THAT'S A CATCH!

Donald Driver just made the catch of the NFL season so far. He turned a football into his own personal cell phone. Amazing.

JASON CAMPBELL HAS SHLIPPERY BALLS

Congratulations go out to the Detroit Lions for breaking the streak and winning their first regular season NFL game since 2007. Thanks to Washington Redskins QB Jason Campbell and his "shlippery" balls the Lions finally caught a break and ended their 19 game losing streak. The Deadskins are now right up there with the Raiders as one of those once proud NFL franchises turned shit. Both have dickheads for owners and morons for quarterbacks. Those fan bases deserve better and shouldn't have to deal with shlippery excuses.

STATE PENN KEEPING IT CLASSY

You can always rely on the Nappy Valley fanatics to keep it real classy when it comes to signs at Gameday. Iowa went on that night to beat up Penn State and stay undefeated at 4-0 while handing the JoePa's their first loss of the season. It's good to see the Coaches poll recognized this huge road win by Iowa and put them 17th. What makes it ridiculous is the fact they have Penn State 13th in the same poll. Umm, I take it they don't even watch the games. Bias much?

Image HT: Deadspin

BALLSY PLAY BY THE MINNESOTA LINEBACKER

From Deadspin comes this video of Minnesota Golden Gophers linebacker Simoni Lawrence getting hit in his manbags...


"Motherfocker hit my Penis" should become a t-shirt. In fact I want to see the whole student body wearing it at their next home game.

THE HIT HEARD AROUND THE WORLD

Florida QB Tim Tebow may be the Ultimate QB but even he can't take hits like this and survive for much longer. Tebow was helped off the field after being knocked unconscious and was taken to a hospital with an obvious severe case of a concussion. He was seen blowing chunks into a feedbag as they were carting him off the field Saturday night in Lexington. Now I am no doctor by any means and I have not stayed at a Holiday Inn Express but I would believe with a severe case of head trauma this bad Tebow is going to have to miss some time granted the Gators have an off week before they face LSU. If the University of Florida and head coach Urban Meyer have the best interest of the student-athlete here and his well being there is no way he should be allowed to play against LSU in 12 days. Concussions are like black outs for all the fellow drunks out there. You don't remember what happened, you throw up, and your body and more importantly your head need time to recover from the traumatic episode. So essentially Tebow is a recovering alcoholic right now. It's in his best interests to stay away from the sauce in this case we will call football and let his brain recover before going at it again. Or he could just jump right off the wagon and go at it like all of us idiots on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night. Brain cells are overrated anyways.

In all honesty the Gators should make Tebow sit down for at least a month. They have enough depth and talent to beat anybody on their schedule. Hell, they won a National Championship with Chris Leak as their quarterback. The spread offense that Urban Meyer has installed since arriving in Gainesville has not been stopped by even the best of SEC defenses. Meyer is considered one of the top coaches in college football and should be able to figure out a way to win without Tim Tebow. Their defense is incredibly fast and ferocious this year so all it takes is a QB who is going to lead them to at least 2 TD's a game. I think the Brantley kid can handle it.