NFL Draft 2014: The 5 Safest Picks

Every year we get NFL GMs, scouts, and draft experts over thinking the draft process and taking the shiniest athlete instead of the best overall player.  Most years it's a QB like Blaine Gabbert or Jamarcus Russell.  Some years it's a defensive player who blows up in the combine like Mike Mamula.

This year we got some great BOOM or BUST picks in Jadeveon Clowney and Johnny Manziel.  Both could turn the NFL upside down and both could be colossal flops for all we know.  But now we need to look at 5 guys who will bring the most value to where they will likely be picked and in a world of unknowns are the "safest" picks of the 2014 NFL Draft.  The NFL Draft is a crap shoot but it's always safe to lay down on the 6's and 8's when all else fails.  Here are some picks who should pan out.

1)  Khalil Mack, outside linebacker, Buffalo

I'm sure I will get some heat for saying this but Mack is a better overall player and athlete than Clowney.  Watch the film.  Mack is just as fast, explosive, and unlike Clowney he doesn't take plays off.  Mack is the one guy on film who jumps out for his consistent play.  He will be an All-Pro and he carries a chip on his shoulder.  If I had the #1 pick I would take Mack without hesitation.

2) Jake Matthews, offensive tackle, Texas A&M

Drafting a Matthews is like drafting a Manning.  His bloodlines flow with future success in the NFL.  On top of that he's the best overall left tackle in this draft who can pass protect and open up huge holes for the running game.  His athleticism reminds me a lot of Tony Boselli.  He's a future All-Pro and is much better than the #1 and #2 overall players taken in last year's draft.

3) Zach Martin, offensive guard/tackle, Notre Dame

Martin was by far the best overall player at the Senior Bowl.  A 4-year starter at ND who didn't give up a sack his senior season the only knock on Martin is his measure ables.  He's considered a tad short (6'4) for offensive tackle and his arm length is a bit short too.  But he makes up for it by being a tenacious blocker and leader.  Whether given the chance on the outside or interior of a line remains to be seen but it is a safe bet Martin will dominate at those positions.

4) Darqueze Denard, cornerback, Michigan State

In my mind Denard is the best overall corner in this draft and it looks like he might not get drafted in the 1st round according to some mocks.  He's not tall (6'0) and he is not extremely fast but his overall knowledge of the game and defense is through the roof.  Denard is also a tenacious, get in your face competitor who wants to be the best and thinks he is the best.  He reminds me a lot of Richard Sherman.

5) Aaron Donald, defensive tackle, Pittsburgh

Just a shade under 300 pounds Donald was often double and sometimes triple-teamed in college and still made a huge impact at a position which is usually just used for run stopping.  Donald if you watch the film is a high motor guy who reminds me a lot of Geno Atkins when he was coming out of Georgia.  He's tenacious, has a great work ethic from all accounts, and will disrupt NFL offenses for years to come.

Bama Football Player Michael Nyeswander Does His Best Stone Cold Steve Austin Impersonation

So, this guy from the Dega infield last night...of course he plays tight end at Alabama http://t.co/eFNtYDAFc8 pic.twitter.com/s6XPzwspLN
— Bunkie Perkins (@BunkiePerkins) May 4, 2014

Remember all of those Alabama stereotypes in your head before you saw this post of Alabama Tight End Michael Nyeswander?  Well now you feel a little less guilty don't you?

We got the Alabama tank top officially licensed by Nike.

We got the classic jorts.

We got the tube socks with work boots.

We got the classic old school Miller Lite can.

And to top it all off we got the Bama meathead crushing said Miller Lite on head in an epic drunk fueled steroid/deer antler spray rage.

All that is missing is a scantily clothed cousin of Neyeswander eyeing him up and this would be the perfect Bama stereotype encapsulated in two pictures.

Notre Dame Coaches Reading Student-Athlete Tweets Was Actually Funny

I don't care how old you are or how young you are or how sophisticated or how well of an upbringing you were brought up in farts are 100% funny all the fucking time.  My 3 year old daughter cracks up every time I "toot" or she "toots" and my wife stares at us like we are neanderthals until she finally laughs because they are fucking funny.  You can't help yourself.  So when I see a ND coach talking about one of her players tweeting about getting cropdusted it makes me laugh.  The world would be a lot better albeit smellier place if we just handled confrontations or squabbles with farts.  I mean could you imagine back in the day Reagan and Gorbachev just ripping cheese bellies together?  The Cold War would have been dead.

By the way where the hell was Brian Kelly?  You can't have a video about ND coaches without the most famous and really the only important one on campus.  He was probably out interviewing for the soon to be available Atlanta Falcons job.

How to Sneak Into Any Game

I could see myself doing all of these except the stealing beer part.  I'm not a big enough asshole I guess to fake a choking and grab some other dude's beer and chug it in front of them.  Granted all bets are off if I see some douche wearing a Yankees hat at Turner Field.

True story I've only snuck into one game without paying in my life.  I've gotten plenty of free tickets but actually getting into a packed game without a ticket is hard work.  We all know I like to do the least amount of work.  Remember C's get degrees kids and they still count as much as straight A's.  Anyways I was up in Philly for my college roomie Tobin's wedding.  Our flight out to Atlanta on that Sunday was delayed because of some bullshit fog or rain in the ATL.  So the wife and I decided to take a shuttle over to Citizen Banks Park to watch the Phillies battle the DBacks.  In Atlanta it's easy to get a baseball ticket. You just walk up to the ticket window and buy one.  In Philly we found out it doesn't work the same way.  They were completely sold out.  No standing room tickets.  No handicap tickets.  Nothing.  It was the game before the All-Star break so every inbred Philly fan was there.  So I told the wife we had to get in we were just going to have to wing it somehow.  Asked a few ushers and they put up the Heisman.  The game had already started.  Finally spotted a guy frazzled with his kids of course leaving the stadium.  And much like the fake baby bottle story I asked if I could have his tickets stubs.  He had a diaper or some shit to do so he didn't care.  Took the stubs up to the usher and told him we had to run out of the stadium to get our drunk friend a cab or some shit and the usher just let us in.  We wound up staying for the whole game and saw the DBacks beat the Phillies.  It was great.

Bikini Girls Boat Crash is Funnier than one would expect

Don't even act like you refrained from laughing.  It doesn't make you a bad person.  It makes you a human being.  And watching assholes in their power boat lose their shit to a wave to the remix of "Turn Down For What" is internet gold.

Alabama Grocery Store Advertises Jameis Winston Crab Legs

Those crab legs look mighty tasty!  Jack's Foodland Supermarket in some town in Alabama I dare not care to even look up advertised these "Jameis Winston King Crab Legs" as a joke but it caught fire on social media yesterday.  Larry Smith, the owner, says he only made one label (wink wink) and posted it on their Facebook store page and it soon took off.  Smith is an Alabama fan and as you probably know Winston is an Alabama native and was considered a recruiting steal for FSU when they took him from the grasps of Nick Saban and Bama two years ago.  Jack's Foodland has now been receiving all kinds of media attention since the crab legs went viral and why not?  This shit is funny.

Speaking of going viral our FREE SEAFOOD UNIVERSITY Shirt has been a hot item since it's debut on Wednesday.  This shirt is guaranteed to get people talking and girls are drawn in to it like a moth to a flame.  In other words guys or gals if you are looking for the perfect shirt for the summer going into the fall this is it.

The In"FAMOUS" Free Seafood University Shirts

Get the one and only Free Seafood University shirt at SportsCrack.com

This graphite 50/50 cotton polyester blend shirt has a soft vintage feel to it.  It's also tagless.  Don't be a Criminole and pass up the chance at owning a Classic Free Seafood University Shirt.

Kenny Powers Makes An Appearance on MLB 14 The Show Game Commercial

While I agree with Kenny Powers that baseball is better than most if not all of sports I gotta go devil's advocate here.  Playing video game baseball sucks.  Granted I haven't played video games in a long time because unfortunately I had to grow up and become a part-time alcoholic while being a full-time Dad but back in the day Madden, NBA Jam, Tiger Woods golf, even Fifa soccer blew the fucking doors off any baseball game.  Maybe things I have changed and MLB 14 The Show is the greatest sports video game of all-time but I seriously doubt it.  Too much thinking involved in baseball.

Jameis aka "The Crustacean Sensation" Winston Addresses the Media over Crabgate

Nothing to see here folks.  Jameis Winston has faced the music and will now serve 20 hours of community service for his shellfish act.  He is also suspended from the baseball team which makes you think it was all a part of the master plan by Jimbo Fisher.  You can't have the Heisman Trophy winner serving a suspension during football season.  Especially not for a big time revenue generating sport like college football.  We will see you in the fall InFamous Jameis.

Gotta admit I was kind of disappointed to hear Red Lightning was involved.

Jameis Winston Cited for Shoplifting Crab Legs At Publix

Go ahead and put this in the memory bank for headlines you never thought you would read.  Reigning Heisman Trophy winner Jameis Winston was caught stealing crab legs at Publix.  No bull shit according to Tomahawk Nation...

Florida State quarterback Jameis Winston was issued a citation Tuesday for shoplifting crab legs from Publix, according to multiple sources. Winston, the reigning Heisman Trophy winner, is a red-shirt sophomore for the Seminoles.

"He got an adult civil citation," a trusted source inside Tallahasse Police told Tomahawk Nation. "If he completes the sanctions it will never show up on his record. They commonly give them to juveniles on first criminal offenses. They are now doing it for minor misdemeanors for adults to lower crime rate"

Well this gives new meaning to FSU and the Seminoles.  Not only can we bring back the always classic "Criminoles" shirts for public ridicule but also I feel a Free Seafood University shirt needs to be done.

Just another shellfish act by young Jameis.

New Jose "Yogi" Abreu South Side Chicago 79 Throwback Shirt

Chicago White Sox slugger Jose Abreu has already shattered Albert Pujols rookie record for homers and RBIs in a month and the first month of the season isn't even over.  Abreu's teammate Adam Eaton has called him "Yogi" because he is a bear of a slugger.  We agree.  Get the one of a kind "Yogi South Side 79" Throwback Shirt exclusively at SportsCrack Tees.

Rihanna Shows Off Her Pierced Boobs

CLICK HERE FOR THE NSFW PHOTOS

Before you even ask "what does this have to do with sports?" may I point out that Rihanna once dated Dodgers centerfielder Matt Kemp...so yeah...she has some connection.  So it was my duty to point out that Rihanna has gone from Kemp to showing off her pierced nipples in a French magazine called LUI.  Moving up in the world!

Yankees Fans Boo Robinson Cano to his Face

You honestly can't blame Yankees fans here.  Star second baseman Robinson Cano left the friendly confines of Yankees Stadium for more money on the west coast.  $240 million to be exact over 10 years.  I mean what an asshole that Cano is.  It's not like the Yankees whole roster with the exception of Jeter is made up of players who did the same exact thing to their former teams by taking pinstripe dollars.  Nope.  Poor Yankees fans.  I feel for you guys.  I hope to never feel that hurt.

Fuckers.

Jeremy Lin Sure Does Love to Travel

How the fuck was this not called?  I counted at least 7 steps.  Last time I checked you have to dribble the ball to go that far with it.  This Jeremy Lin non travel call just proves me point.  The NBA is hot garbage.  I would rather watch Golden Girls reruns than this shit they call the NBA playoffs.

/ Team NHL Playoffs Guy

Warriors Fans React To Los Angeles Clippers Owner Donald Sterling's Racist Comments

I laughed out loud.  So did you!  If not you are a racist.

Ryan Braun is Still a Great Teammate, Strikes Jean Segura With a Bat

The Hebrew Hammer is still hitting people where it hurts.  Ryan Braun is fresh off his steroid suspension and at this point is trying to get any good publicity after lying to the public.  Well his bat has been doing most of the talking so far in Milwaukee to the tune of .318 with six jacks and 18 driven in.  Not bad for a now self admitted cheater.  But just to prove how much of a cock sucker Braun is he decided to hit his teammate SS Jean Segura on the head with old Louisville Slugger.  Sure Braun will play it off as an unfortunate accident and say Segura was in the wrong place at the wrong time just like that urine cup collector but we all know this was no accident.  The bat don't lie.

Baseball Porn: Andrelton Simmons Defensive Highlights

As an Atlanta Braves fan I sometimes take what 24-year-old Platinum Glove winner Andrelton Simmons does with his glove for granted.  "Simba" as he is affectionally called has the best glove, the best range, the best arm, and the best instincts by any major leaguer in the game today.  Simmons makes plays look so easy even when they clearly are not and he isn't a flashy me first guy like Yunel Escobar that he sometimes goes unnoticed.  He shouldn't.  Simmons is right up there with "The Wizard" Ozzie Smith for best defensive shortstop that I've ever seen play the game.  His highlights are baseball porn worthy and he's quick as a cat.  Simba is a rare breed who is worth the price of admission just to say you say him play.  Like watching Gretzky take the ice, MJ take the floor, and Montana break the huddle you know something special is going to happen when Simmons puts his Rawlings rawhide on his left hand.

Twins' Chris Colabello Hits HR For Mom on her Birthday

Talk about delivering the perfect birthday present for Mom.  Minnesota Twins' Chris Colabello does not disappoint.  The only problem is now Mom is going to be expecting bigger and better things every year.  Like you can't get anything better than a homer from your son right as the sideline reporter in interviewing you.  It's just not possible.  So next year when he delivers flowers and a kiss or whatever the fuck you give to your Mom on her birthday the look of disappointment in her eyes could be soul crushing.  Colabello might as well just cut his losses and become an Alaskan Ice Trucker.

Mike Trout Steals Bryce Harper's Thunder Once Again With Diving Catch

Ever since Bryce Harper graced the cover of Sports Illustrated at the age of 16 as the next sure fire superstar in making Mike Trout has taken it as his personal goal to steal all the thunder away from the Clown Question bro.  Not only has Trout been the best all-around player in the game without question (don't even fucking argue with me on this because you will make yourself look like a simpleton) his first two seasons and really it's fucking highway robbery he doesn't have two MVP awards to show for it but that is a discussion for another day.  The reason why Trout doesn't get the accolades or notoriety of a Harper is only because Bryce plays on a better team on the east coast.  That's it.  Trout is better at all facets of the game.  Speed, power, fielding, running, hitting, diving, smiling, spitting, farting you name it Trout does it better.  This doesn't make Harper a shitty player by any means.  That's not what the point of this post is.  I'm just saying Trout is like Superman and Harper is like Captain America.  Both are extraordinary but I will take the guy who can fly into fucking outer space over a guy with a shield any day.

Best NBA Bench Reactions

It's like watching black people react to a David Blaine magic trick.  The reaction is always funnier when they are running around in circles screaming and shouting "oh no you didn't!"  Every.  Single.  Time.

University of Arizona Knows How to Throw a Pool Party

I know what you are thinking...I went to the wrong damn school.  And you are right unless you went to Tuscon as an undergrad and enjoyed the epic pool parties.  Tuscon so hot right now.  Tuscon.  Bear Down bitches!

Video via BroBible

Meet ESPN's Newest It Girl: Britt McHenry

Mute the sound and take a gander at Britt McHenry, a new ESPN talent who will be reporting from her "home" base in Washington D.C.



Now before you slam McHenry as just another pretty face who can't do her job correctly keep in mind she has a Masters degree in journalism from one of the top schools in the nation in Northwestern.  Britt was also a fairly successful D1 soccer player in college and has been working her way up the ladder so to speak while working as a sports reporter and anchor at WJCA in Washington.  She temporarily took a job as a sideline reporter for the San Diego Padres but didn't feel the fit was right before going back to D.C.  Now she will be telling us the latest and greatest in regards to RG3, Bryce Harper, and John Wall among other stars in the D.C. Sports Market for ESPN.

She's got the SportsCrack stamp of approval.  I look forward to listening her talk about the Nats getting swept once again by the Braves in the near future.

Alexandria is a Chicago Fan, Looks a little like Kate Upton

If you are bored on this titillating Tuesday feel free to check out pictures of Alexandria Morgan over at The Chive.  She basically looks like a younger, hotter version of Kate Upton.  I'm surprised I didn't get struck by lightning after writing that but it must mean that God agrees because her God given talents are not of this world.  Feel free to follow her on Twitter if that's your stalking thing.

Brian Williams Raps "Gin and Juice"

Thank you Jimmy Fallon interns.  Without all of you this great Brian Williams mash up would not be possible.  Now keep working for FREE because some day you could be making as much as $30k coming out of college.

What Baseball On Acid Looks Like: The Gatorade Bryce Harper Commercial

Holy Panama City flashback time!  I feel like I just took some really high grade acid and just want the trip to stop.  Make it stop!  Bryce Harper is some kind of liquid trail demon mashing balls that turn into his face to the sweet rift of Welcome to the Jungle.  I don't give a shit if you hate Harper this commercial is legit.  No more clown questions bro!

Release the Kimbrel Shirts in Throwback Royal and Navy Now Available

Let's be completely honest here folks.  There is only one pitcher in the last 10 years who has made grown men look like babies swinging a wiffle ball bat.  Kimbrel is the closest thing to unhittable since that day long ago you thought you had a shot at the prom queen.  It's almost a crime on itself for us to have never made this shirt till today.  Now is your chance to #RELEASETHEKIMBREL with this classic Game Over shirt.  Comes in one of either THROWBACK ROYAL or TRADITIONAL NAVY.

This Jameis Winston Pre Spring Game Speech Gave Me Goosebumps

Chills running up and down my spine.  Jameis Winston won a Heisman Trophy and National Championship last season while avoiding those pesky rape charges at FSU because he knows how to articulate his passion for the game of football.  Famous Jameis aka Jaboo is from the sticks of Alabama but you would never know it by listening to him.  Jim Nantz better watch out for his Masters gig.  After Jameis manages to score the first ever negative Wonderlic he's going to use that mouth of his to secure broadcasting jobs after his motivational speech days are over.  I'm not even going to lie I had tears forming listening to Jaboo talk.

P.S- What the fuck did he say?

Bubba Watson Celebrated His Second Masters Win With a Trip to the Waffle House

Bubba Watson won his second Green Jacket in three years yesterday in Augusta but also managed to make a trip that many of us have made in the middle of the night: Waffle House.  At 1:30 AM to be exact.  I'm guessing there was some celebratory drinks before hand.  I know what you are thinking...where is their 2-year-old son who CBS pinned up there like Bubba and his wife were the parents of the year?  Well who do you think drove these drunk bastards and took the picture?  Yup the kid.  He's already pulling his weight in the Watson family.

P.S- I don't care how rich you are.  The Waffle House is still the best place to get a great breakfast.  I get the All-Star Special all the time.  Substitute hashbrowns for the grits, side of bacon, scrambled eggs, wheat toast, and a waffle of course.  Vanilla coke is the go-to drink.  Just made myself hungry talking about it.

Texas Tech Football Has A Dance Off, Head Coach Kliff Kingsbury Steals The Show With His Stanky Leg

Recruiting 101: Learn the stanky leg, do the stanky leg, make the video go viral.  Boom recruits sign on the dotted line.

Texas Tech head coach Kliff Kingsbury is a renegade innovator.  A man's man.  One stanky leg at a time.

Sign of the Apocalypse: The Duke Flop Has Now Infiltrated Boys League Basketball

Thanks Coach K.  Not only do you teach your overrated players how to pull a patented Shane Battier flop anytime someone penetrates the lane but now we got fucking kids taking dives like they play on the Italian National soccer team.  To be completely honest if I was a ref and saw this little punk pull this shit I would not only kick the kid out of the game but also the parents for raising an asshole.  Hey but that's just me.

Charles Barkley Says He Offered Dirk Nowitzki Money To Go To Auburn

Typical SEC scum move.  I love Charles Barkley and his honesty.  Just tells it like it is.  Yeah I offered German wunderkid Dirk Nowitzki a bunch of money to go to Auburn years ago...whatcha going to do about it?  Shit I don't even blame Barkley.  Have you seen Auburn play basketball?  They haven't been close to competitive since the mid-to-late 90's.

40 Years Ago Today: "There's a new home run champion of all time...and it's Henry Aaron"

I don't give a shit how many Barry Bonds hit.  Hank Aaron is still the all-time home run champion.

Good to see Derek Jeter Still Has His Fielding Range

Yeah Jeeeeets!

Oh shit.  He's old.  And slow.  And has the flexibility of a guy who just went through a colonoscopy.  Other than that Derek Jeter looks great.

Go Get Em Kid!

FSU and Notre Dame Joust In Rain Delay Baseball Game

I've always said you can really get to know your fellow teammates during a rain delay.  Last week Notre Dame and FSU had an extended one in Tallahassee and squared off in hijinks to one up one another.  Gotta love the old Catholics vs Criminoles battles.  The only thing it was missing was Jameis sacrificing a young lady in distress.

Riots at UCONN

I don't think I will ever understand the mentality behind rioting after your school or team wins a championship.  Breaking shit to celebrate seems counterproductive but hey that's just me.  Can we get confirmation that Storrs, Connecticut is still a city and not a raging fireball of chaos?

PS - Is the guy shooting this VINE the owner of the car?  Why else would you be like NO NO NO then YES YES YES?  Rioters gonna riot.  The voice sounds identical to a South Park character.

Shabazzketball Destroyed My Bracket, Can Now Eat

"The Hungry Huskies...this is what happens when you ban us!"

Truer words have never been spoken.  Final Four Most Outstanding Player Shabazz Napier is not only a two-time champion for the UCONN Huskies but is now a mouthpiece for the plighted and malnourished student-athlete that the NCAA preys upon.  Poor guy goes to "bed starving" while the rest of college students eat $50 filet mignons and their fancy sides that they find in between their microbrew soaked suede couches.  I feel bad for guys like Napier.  Not only does he get his tuition paid for but he also has to put up with all of his free room and board and books and free tutoring and free five course meals and women and free travel and clothes and future NBA millions while "starving."  It's a hard knock life for Napier and he shows he is true warrior in every fashion.



In conclusion fuck guys like Shabazz Napier.  Not because he is bitching about "starving" but because he completely ruined my bracket.  I had UCONN losing in the first round.  Napier put them on his back and said F that guy and his stupid office bracket.  I gotta eat!

Congrats to UCONN for winning the title.  It was much deserved.  I enjoyed all 45 minutes of the tournament I actually watched. Now we can focus on more important things like baseball and hockey before football finally comes back.

Gene Chizik Not Thrilled With Daughter's Prom Date Picture Goes Viral

My daughter is only 3 years old but already I can identify with former Auburn head coach Gene Chizik in this awesome prom date photo bomb.  The classic "look at this fucking guy" who's about to violate my little angel pose.  It's always a good time to clean the gun right before her date comes over in my opinion.  You answer the door all nonchalantly.  Gun in one hand.  Fist in the other.  Let's all make smart decisions here and get this every father's dreaded nightmare over with as cleanly as possible.

For Some Reason These Paulina Gretzky Photos Have Pissed Off The LPGA

Lighten up ladies.  It's not too often we guys have some eye candy to look at on the Women's Tour.

Oh wait she doesn't play on the LPGA?

Doesn't matter.  Now get back in the kitchen and make me some pancakes.

David Ross Recreates "Major League" on 25th Anniversary

Damn now I feel old.  Real old.  Major League was my go-to movie for 3 summers.  Back in the days of Blockbuster and Turtles you had to get these things called VHS tapes kids.  Major League was the best.  It was right up there with Revenge of the Nerds.  I can recite every line.  Back then we didn't even have internet, DVRs, or cell phones or any of that shit you take for granted these days so when you got a movie as gold as Major League you held on to it and watched it endlessly because what the fuck else were going to do?

Kudos to David Ross doing a spot on Lou Brown.  The Pedro Cerrano impression though was minor league at best and how do you not have an impression of Eddie Harris "Are you trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?"  It's the best line of the movie...

Artie Lange Kidnaps Pete Rose

The Tony Perez shit story is laugh out funny.  Priceless.

The Masters Thoughts With Will Ferrell

The keychains out of the Eisenhower Tree is marketing genius.  Will Ferrell just gets it.  He understands the Masters unlike any of us.  Corndogs, fast food, and Ryan Seacrest would make the Masters a perfect golf tournament.  Hopefully Billy Payne is listening.

Florida State New Logo is Climax Worthy

This new FSU logo has been confirmed by TomahawkNation and it's not bad at all.  Seminoles fans are of course in full meltdown mode after seeing it but it looks like the Chief is enjoying some satisfaction. 

I dig it.  The Chief looks younger, faster, has teeth, and more climax-worthy.

Here is the old logo which looked like some blind grandpa looking for his dentures in between the couch cushions:

Duke Recruit Grayson Allen Dunks Over a Player, I Already Hate the Kid

Sorry but it's in my DNA to never ever like a Duke player.  Was this dunk impressive?  Yes.  Do white guys with hops like Brent Barry make my marbles tingle?  Of course.  But Grayson Allen will play his college hoops in Durham for Coach K and for that reason alone I already can't stand the kid.  My Maryland blood boils with the thought of Grayson learning the patented Duke flop.

PS - I was kinda hoping he did the Don Baylor stanky leg when he landed.  I never wish injury on any player besides Duke Basketball guy, Michigan and USC football guy, Yankees guy, and Saints guy.

Don Baylor Breaks His Femur Catching Ceremonial First Pitch from Vlad

Mike Trout's face says it all.  Holy shit!  I was watching this live last night and tweeted about it.  I've never seen an injury like this.  Angels' hitting coach Don Baylor broke his fucking femur catching a 1st pitch from another baseball great in Vlad Guerrero.  His leg literally snaps like a twig and forms a pretzel.  At first I thought Baylor was doing his Stanky Leg Dance or maybe he had dead leg like I get when I take a really long shit.  Nope.  Broken femur.  The biggest damn bone in the leg.  Get well Baylor.  We salute you here at SportsCRACK!

PS - Baylor is a boss.  You tell me another person who would just try to walk off a broken femur.  That is Superman shit strength.

2014 MLB Season Predictions

Ahhh Opening Day is finally here.  It's about fucking time.  No offense to basketball fan but since football ended in early February I've been counting down the days till America's past time.  Baseball makes the nuts tingle.  The crack of the bat.  The smell of tobacco spit.  The A-Rod suspension.  Nuts tingle just thinking of it.

Here are my division predictions.  If you got a problem with it you can reach me by email at matt@idontgiveafuck.com.

AL EAST

1.  Orioles - From top to bottom they have the best lineup in all of baseball once Manny Machado comes back in April.  The additions of Nelson Cruz and David Lough add power and speed.  They have the best defense and the pitching depth is finally there for them to contend for a World Series.

2.  Rays - Tampa might not have a huge payroll like the Yankees and Red Sox but they got a ton of pitching and it should help them win a Wild Card.  Joe Maddon will get this team to 92 wins.

3.  Red Sox - The defending World Series Champs are coming off an improbable magical season but have huge question marks at SS and CF.  Their starting rotation should once again be very good but I think their bullpen will falter a good bit.  One can't expect Koji Uehera to again put up a once in a century stat line.

4.  Yankees - The Yankees dished out a billion dollars or so it seems in the offseason to free agents Tanaka, Ellsbury, Beltran and McCann and on paper it looks like it should make a major improvement to the roster.  The problem is the youngest regular starter is McCann and he isn't a spring chicken.  Jeter is in his final season.  Mo is gone.  CC has cancer.  In another division I could see taking the Yankees to make the playoffs but the AL East is too tough.

5.  Blue Jays - Their rotation is borderline horrid.  Unless some young guys step up I don't see them winning 80 plus games.  Stick with the hockey.

AL CENTRAL

1.  Royals - Don't laugh.  The Royals are the real deal.  They got a bunch of young players hitting their prime years and they play great defense.  With the Tigers faltering a little bit I like Kansas City to make the playoffs for the first time since the 1980's.

2.  Indians - The Tribe are coming off one of their best seasons in nearly a decade and appear to be getting better.  If they had a couple of more arms I would take them over the Royals.  Would not surprise me at all to see the Indians win the division.

3.  Tigers - I know I'm going to get some shit with this prediction but the Tigers could be in serious trouble.  No Fister or Fielder plus they have had some devastating injuries in Spring Training.  Verlander is questionable and their bullpen looks like a train wreck waiting to happen just on paper.

4.  White Sox - Avisail Garcia and Jose Abreu have future super star potential written all over their bodies but the rest of the Sox roster looks questionable at best.  In a couple of years the SouthSide team could be a serious contender.  Not this year though.  They will be shitty.

5.  Twins - How's that Joe Mauer contract treating you?  The Twinkies are a mess.  Good luck not losing 90.

AL WEST

1.  Angels - They got the best player in the game in Mike Trout and I expect big bounce back seasons from Pujols and Hamilton.  The key is their rotation and I think it will be one of the best in the West.

2.  A's - Oakland is a lot like the Rays.  They have great clubhouse chemistry and seem to try harder than other teams by hustling and playing great defense.  I see them stealing a Wild Card from the Indians and Red Sox in the last weekend of the season.

3.  Rangers - Texas reminds me a lot of Detroit.  Too many injuries and question marks at certain positions make them vulnerable.  With that being said it wouldn't surprise me at all to see them win the division if their rotation gets healthy.

4.  Astros - There really is no good reason why I have them not picked for last in this division other than I think they play the underdog role to their advantage all season.

5.  Mariners - One month into the season they will be regretting the Robinson Cano signing.

NL EAST

1.  Nationals - I'm taking the Nats over the Braves because of their rotation.  Plus their bullpen should be strong.  Bryce Harper will put up MVP numbers.

2.  Braves - Ton of question marks with the rotation losing Medlen, Beachy, and Huddy.  Minor is injured and Ervin Santana should be ready soon but I see them struggling out of the gate.  Braves have the best bullpen in the majors and their lineup is the best in the division which will help secure a Wild Card spot

3.  Marlins - No offense other than Stanton but their pitching has the potential to be the best in the division.

4.  Mets - No Miracle in these guys as they are headed for a sixth straight losing season.  The good news is they don't finish in the cellar...

5.  Phillies -  I see the potential for a 100 loss season.  They are old.  New manager.  They are already bickering.  Let's see how many sellouts they have with shitty baseball in Philly.

NL CENTRAL

1.  Cardinals - From top to bottom in their roster they have the 2nd best team in the NL behind the Dodgers.  I think they win the Central easily by 8 plus games.

2.  Reds - Losing Choo hurts but I think Billy Hamilton will be one of the better stories to follow all season as he goes for over 100 stolen bases for the first time in decades.

3.  Pirates - McClutch is coming off a MVP season and the Pirates broke their consecutive losing season streak by making the playoffs.  Unfortunately I'm not ecstatic about their starting rotation.  Too young.

4.  Brewers - I expect Ryan Braun to be booed excessively on the road.  Other than that I have no expectations for the Brew Crew.

5.  Cubs - Sorry Lovable Losers you still have a couple of more seasons before I can even consider you guys close to being good.

NL WEST

1.  Dodgers - The team with the highest payroll is also the best team in baseball.  Anything less than a World Series Title is a disappointment.  The pressure could crush them.

2.  Giants - They will win the Wild Card because they got a tremendous amount of pitching.  Other than Posey and Sandoval their lineup looks questionable.

3.  DBacks -  Any team with Martin Prado on the roster is a team I can pull for.

4.  Padres - They got a lot of young potential stars in their lineup.  Chase Headley is in his contract year which means he will put up huge numbers because money is very important.  Makes sense right?

5.  Rockies - Don't worry Colorado fans.  Your baseball team may suck but at least your microbrews are plentiful and the Broncos seasons will be kicking off in only 5 months.

AL AWARDS
AL MVP - Mike Trout
AL CY YOUNG - Yu Darvish
AL ROOKIE OF THE YEAR - Masahiro Tanaka
COMEBACK PLAYER - Josh Hamilton
MANAGER OF THE YEAR - Buck Showalter

NL AWARDS

NL MVP - Freddie Freeman

NL CY YOUNG - Jose Hernandez

NL ROOKIE OF THE YEAR - Billy Hamilton

COMEBACK PLAYER - Ryan Braun

MANAGER OF THE YEAR - Don Mattingly

WORLD SERIES PREDICTION

In a rematch of the 1966 Classic the Baltimore Orioles beat the Los Angeles Dodgers  in 6 games to win their first title since 1983.

Kentucky Fan in Recliner Reacts to Game Winning Aaron Harrison Shot

Is it just me or does it feel like every Kentucky basketball fan is somehow related to one another?  I'm not saying they are inbred but yeah they are.  Kentucky basketball fan is almost as funny as their #8 seed in the tournament.

Hockey Fight Between Kevan Miller and Travis Moen With Jerry Lawler Doing the Blow-By-Blow

I know it will piss off all the basketball nut jobs who come on here but it needs to be said: hockey is a million times more entertaining than hoops.  WWE's Jerry Lawler doing the ringside treatment is fucking hilarious.  I watched this Bruins vs Canadiens game from start-to-finish which ended the Bruins' 12-game winning streak in a sudden death shootout.  It was electric in Boston.  God I miss hockey.

Glass-Pounding Hockey Fan Takes a Canadian Facial

The hockey Gods were kind in Montreal.  Women you see need to know their place and those are clearly the kitchen and the bedroom, not front row in a NHL game in Montreal.  This female Canuck took a hard heater right off the boards that would make Pamela Anderson flashback to her Tommy Lee boat cruising days.  Honk!

Johnny Manziel Can Do 360-Degree Dunks

Johnny Football is less than 6 feet tall.  Come to think of it he's actually about the same height as I am.  But that is where the similarities end.  Manziel has hops.  I can barely touch the fucking net on a good day.  Manziel can do 360-degree dunks with his size 15 clown shoes.  I can drink beer 360 days of the year in my size 10.5 shoes.  Johnny is about to be a multi millionaire in the NFL.  I'm about to take a shit in my pants because I ate too much pizza last night.  Two peas in a pod.

Beware of The Thong Hunter Patrick Willis

Watch out ladies in thongs.  San Francisco All-Pro linebacker Patrick Willis is going Down Under in Australia's Bondi Beach according to TMZ searching for some thongs to destroy.  By the picture you can tell Willis approaches the ladies with the same grit and determination he does with a running back coming over the middle.  Seek and destroy for the Thong Hunter.

Aroldis Chapman Takes a Terrifying Line Drive off His Face, Breaks Multiple Bones

Ouch.  The Cuban Missile took a brutal line drive straight to his kisser last night from the bat of Royals catcher Salvador Perez in the 6th inning.  The terrifying baseball liner caused multiple fractured bones around Aroldis Chapman's left eye and nose.  Fingers are crossed for Chapman to make a speedy recovery.  I got to be honest I don't think I could recover mentally from the trauma of taking one to the face like this.  The spring training game was immediately cancelled and now the Reds are forced to look at their closer situation while scrambling to find a solution less than two weeks till Opening Day.

Umpire Nick Rose Takes A Line Drive Right in the Dick and Balls

Spring Training is not just for the players.  It's also huge for the umpires in prepping them for a grueling season of farting, spitting, and starting fights.  Or in this case with umpire Nick Rose it's prep for taking a line drive to the "bat and balls" so to speak.  Hopefully he's wearing a cup but the way he went down like a Duke defender in the lane I'm seriously doubting it.

It's Not Officially St. Patrick's Day Without the Leprechaun in Alabama Video

The special Leprechaun flute will no doubt catch a crackhead in Mobile, AL.  If that dude was smart he would patent and trademark the special Leprechaun flute.  Then he can get his own reality show with his family all while becoming the next ghetto Duck Dynasty success story.

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Apparently The Irish Rocked Los Angeles this Morning With an Earthquake

March 17th is the one day of the year everybody is Irish.  This morning in Los Angeles it managed to scare the green out of them with this instant classic live footage of KTLA news anchors freaking out.  The woman of course handled it like a pro.  The guy on the other hand no doubt pissed all over himself.  It's what you get for not wearing green!  Who the hell wears pink on St. Paddy's?  Someone get that guy a diaper and some beer.

Here is a Great New Tailgating Game Called "Stupid"

Clearly this new tailgating game needs three things: A) massive amounts of alcohol  and B) at least two drunk assholes and C) a pigskin.  The good thing is my buddy Rob is proficient in all three of these traits for the tailgating game called "Stupid."  As Rob shows in the video it takes a very brave or drunk individual to put a beer on top of their head while letting the other participant hurdle a football at their noggin for shits and giggles.  One can only hope this game catches on in the South as a form of natural selection for what Charles Darwin dreamt so merrily about.

Charles Barkley Falling Asleep on Inside The NBA Tells You All You Need To Know About The State of Basketball

Honestly who can blame Charles Barkley?  The NBA has not been interesting for this mid 30's guy since the late 90's.  And yeah I know Lebron James is the greatest thing since MJ but it still doesn't interest me.  The fundamentals are awful.  If you took the best players from the 80's and 90's in their prime they would destroy the best players right now in the league.  It's all you need to know.  And don't even start with me on college basketball.  It's unwatchable.  I'm not going to claim basketball is dead but it is the one sport that has gotten progressively worse when every other sport is overall better in terms of talent, coaching, and execution.

ESPN is going to continue to push basketball upon us but anyone with half a brain can see it's shit right now.  Put lipstick on the pig all you want but we all know it's still smelly swine underneath.

Video via the awesome blog Awful Announcing

Now Available for Pre Order: Tight eND U Shirt

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Brian Kelly Tweets A Model of the New Notre Dame Stadium

Campus Crossroads project is a game changer. I had to share this pic. Best model I've seen. #GoIrish pic.twitter.com/ejPji7W49h
— Brian Kelly (@CoachBrianKelly) March 6, 2014

The detail in this tiny Notre Dame model stadium is impeccable.  Right down to the pasty white crowd.  It looks like field turf too.

Nevada's Deonte Burton With The Dunk of the Year Against Boise State

Deonte Burton is 6'1.  The Boise State defender is 6'9.  Burton straight posterized a dude who is almost a foot taller.  BEAST!