SportsCrack Blog

Wednesday, April 30, 2008


Wow! You seriously do not want to get Peyton Manning's thong in a bunch. Personally I think I have more respect for Peyton now after seeing this clip where as others would be offended. He is the quarterback, the franchise actually, and he calls the plays and not the "f-ing" center Jeff Saturday. Guys like Peyton and Tom Brady can get away with this shit because they know how to win games and get paid the big bucks and bang the finest poon. Quarterbacks like Jeff George or Ryan Leaf pulls this shit and everybody laughs and calls them a "cockbag" to their face while they settle for some festering barfly at the local TGI Fridays. This is where knowing your role on the team becomes crucial.

So in other words don't piss off Peyton Manning. But if Rex Grossman starts talking shit to your face then you have the right to call him a no good lush who couldn't hit the broadside of a barn. Who said the NFL was the No Fun League?

Via BarstoolSports via FanHaus


I've tried my hardest to avoid the whole Clemens having an affair story but this video was just too good not to post. Ryan Parker throws the high hard one back at Clemens with this great, coming of age video showing how the Rocket Man could let his erections, oh my bad, I mean his connections could get little Mindy real far. It's a love story only a man with the testosterone level of the Rocket Man could conceive. Or maybe a 73 year old Austrian man with a dungeon. To each it's own.

Video HT: Ryan Parker Songs

Tuesday, April 29, 2008


I know everyone wants to talk about Roger Clemens and his totally platonic affair with country singer Mindy McCready but I'm honestly sick of talking about that lying redneck. Instead, why don't we focus on one of the good guys in the game, Mr. Torii "Suzie" Hunter. Hunter has now had a 9 month relationship with Suzie and things really seem to be heating up now that he is in Southern California. His wife and kids have no idea so please be sure to keep this on the down low.

Video HT: Hot Clicks

Monday, April 28, 2008


From what I remember college was exactly like this...minus the actual studying.


Seriously, what the fuck were the Rams thinking when they picked out the name of Donnie Avery out of Scott Linehan's cap? Just because his name magically appeared out of the hat doesn't mean you have to pick him. I have no idea how you can pass on talents like Desean Jackson, Malcolm Kelly, and yes, even Limas Sweed for a guy like Avery. I honestly had never even heard of him before the Rams took him.

This draft didn't make a lot of sense to me but maybe it's only because I have no idea how to evaluate talent. First off if I was the Falcon's GM there is no way I would have passed on Glenn Dorsey. Dorsey and McFadden were the two most talented players in the draft in my mind and also the ones which could provide the most impact. The Falcons went out and signed backup Michael Turner to a huge deal in the offseason thus negating the chance of drafting McFadden. They took Matt Ryan who could be the next Tim Couch or David Carr. Then they trade up to get a first round pick and take left tackle Sam Baker who was graded as a mid to late 2nd round pick. Instead of getting a Dorsey and say a Brian Brohm who will be a much better pro than Ryan they get a good to average left tackle and a quarterback who is inconsistent and throws a ton of interceptions. With the 37th and 48th picks they could have picked up a Trevor Laws or a Desean Jackson who could be immediate impact players. Instead they got a slow linebacker in Curtis Lofton who can't cover a snail and they still will have no tight ends or defensive tackles to play next year.

How in the hell did the Bears pass on Brian Brohm? Rex Grossman sucks balls and instead of drafting a future NFL starting QB you take fucking Matt Forte out of Tulane? A fucking RB? Are you kidding me Chicago? The rest of their draft looked really good especially getting WR Earl Bennett in the third round but I almost started crying from laughing so hard when the Bears passed on Brohm in the second round.


The St. Louis Blues could use Pineiro since he looks like a much better goalie than a major league pitcher.

Video HT: WithLeather

Friday, April 25, 2008


This clip via BarStoolSports just reaffirms what we already knew about Celtics fans: they are retarded. And please don't get offended by the word retard because if you are you should be happy you are not retarded. Retards don't get pissed when you call them retards so please don't get offended for them. When people call me retarded I just laugh uncontrollably, wipe the drool off my mouth, pick my ass and then smell my hand, and then take off my Larry Bird jersey to show them I am not retarded or from Boston.


On the eve of NFL Draft Day the great bloggers over at JoeSportsFan brings us the MySpace page of Mel Kiper Jr. Of course Kiper gets paid the big bucks to voice his opinion/knowledge on who will be good and who will fail in the NFL whereas I don't get paid jack to state something simple like the fact that Matt Ryan is going to suck balls in the NFL. I would take Brian Brohm and Joe Flacco before I took Ryan. Ryan is too inconsistent and throws a ton of interceptions. Last time I checked NFL QB's don't do very well with those two traits.

Thursday, April 24, 2008


Got to love the commentary by the camera guy. Yes, we get it, he likes to heckle.

I know what you are thinking, who the hell is Joe Smith? Apparently he plays for the New York Mets which is a Major League team and you should not mess with him according to the great Joe Smith. I'm not sure why he needs to start a fight with Cubs fans since they have suffered these past 100 years. It's like making fun of somebody who you know is going to die only Cubs fans have been dying since...well...since they decided to pledge their allegiance to the Lovable Losers.

Video HT: Deadspin


The Georgia Bulldogs added one more football player to their already stellar 2009 class today by securing the verbal commitment of Tampa QB Aaron Murray, who picked the Bulldogs over rival Florida. Murray is one of the most highly rated QB's in the nation and after watching his video he looks to be the most impressive in my mind. At 6'1 he is not one of the tallest QB's but the kid is an athlete who can scramble, throws a hell of a deep ball, and is extremely accurate with a ton of velocity with his passes. He looks better on film than USC commit and overall #1 player Matt Barkley and I won't be surprised when Rivals and Scout come out with their new evaluations showing Murray as a top 10 player in the nation.

ESPN's recruiting analyst Tom Luginbill thinks highly of Murray:

"Without a doubt, he has the quickest release and most velocity of any quarterback who I've seen in the 2009 class," Luginbill said. "The negative on him is that he lacks height, but there are ways to compensate for that within the scheme. You can't coach a guy to get rid of the football the way he does, a player can either do it or he can't. And Murray has an exceptionally quick release."

"You're looking at a guy who is every bit the passer that Matt Stafford is with more athleticism," Luginbill said. "He may give Mark Richt and that offensive coaching staff more athleticism from the quarterback position.

"He's a blend between a pocket-passer and a dual-threat guy. I wouldn't call him D.J. Shockley, but he's much more athletic than David Greene and Matt Stafford. So, you're looking at a guy who is somewhere between a Shockley and a Stafford [in terms of athletic ability]."

Murray threw for over 4000 yards, 51 touchdowns with only 7 interceptions and should have a chance to compete right away with Logan Gray and Joe Cox at UGA once Stafford leaves for the NFL. To get a feel with what Aaron Murray sounds like while talking to Tony Gwynn on helium, take a look at this YouTube video...

And here are some highlights from his junior season. The kid looks like another Drew Brees to me minus the birthmark...

Notre Dame picked up their second elite RB in less than a week yesterday by landing the verbal commitment of Theo Riddick. The 5'11, 190 pound tailback is out of New Jersey(Charlie Weis country) and is a preseason top 250 player according to Rivals and is on the ESPN Top 150 Watchlist as an athlete. Riddick stated he just felt right with Notre Dame all along:
"It was just a great experience" visiting Notre Dame, said Riddick, who led Immaculata to a 12-0 season and a state Non-Public Group III title in 2006 and a 11-1 season and a berth in the Non-Public Group III title game last season. "I blended straight in. That's when I knew I wanted to go there."

Riddick also plays safety and cornerback for Immaculata High School and has the quickness, speed, and athleticism to play multiple positions at Notre Dame if runningback doesn't work out. After watching his film I think he could be a great cornerback in college, much like an athlete in the mold of a Tom Carter or Todd Lyght. Riddick is the 4th commitment to what is already forming to be another excellent recruiting class under Charlie Weis.


How is Marcus Camby considered one of the top 3 defensive players in the league and yet the Nuggets defense is horrible? Kobe went for 49 last night while toying with announcers Marv Albert and Reggie Miller who were doing play-by-play for TNT. I'm still looking forward to see how Kobe responds to the Denver crowd with what should be plenty of heckling considering the whole rape issue. But yeah, the Lakers are looking like serious title contenders.

Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing

Wednesday, April 23, 2008


This is from the Atlanta Braves-Washington Nationals game from a couple of nights ago. MLB might want to investigate the 1st base umpire for having money on the game...

I can only imagine what Bobby Cox shouted at him.

Something like this sounds about right: "R-U-A-FUKING-RETARD?"

It's one thing to get screwed by a call at home but it is another thing when everybody sees a horrible call all at once. Announcer Joe Simpson sounded like he got caught in Ned's dungeon via Pulp Fiction for heaven's sake.

And for anybody thinking umpire Dan Iossagno isn't taking money, well, I just found he lives down the street from me in Marietta, GA. I must have rubbed off on him.

Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing


Jorge Arangure Jr. of ESPN Magazine has an excellent article on the bitter feud between native Colombian baseball players Edgar Renteria and Orlando Cabrera. I've wondered why the country of Colombia doesn't produce baseball players like Venezuela does and I guess this provides a certain insight as to maybe why. It's too bad Renteria and Cabrera can't get along and I must admit I see Renteria in a totally different way after reading the article. Renteria kind of comes off as a dick while it appears Cabrera is trying to reconcile the differences by at least talking.

If I were them I would just get some Colombian bam-bam, some hookers, and some booze, maybe cross swords and just make up already. Those silly Pablo Escobars' down there will never learn.


It's been a while since I poured some oil on some ducks or thrown my empty beer bottles back in the lake or on the side of the road where they belong. But now after watching this inspiring video from the crazy old Grandpa all of us wish we had, I think I might go out there and rip my Hummer through a field of sunflowers before I urinate on them. I feel so much better now that I can contribute to society in a meaningful way.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


"Where Cheating Happens"...sounds like the slogan for Balco.


I can already see all the Georgia fans nodding in agreement while picking their noses. Oh wait, I'm doing that right now, never mind.



There is the new face of your franchise Miami Dolphins fans. Jake Long may not be pretty in the face but the big boy sure can block when not facing Vernon Gholston and was awarded today with a huge bag of cold hard cash from Bill Parcells today to become the #1 pick in this upcoming NFL Draft. So now with the first piece down I figured we would take a look at the rest of the draft with my predictions on how it might shake out.

2. St. Louis Rams-Glen Dorsey is right up there with Darren McFadden as the most talented player in the draft. His motor never stops and he would be welcomed with open arms in St. Louis who has whiffed as an organization on D-lineman in the past. Dorsey will be a stud if he can stay healthy.

3. Atlanta Falcons-Begrudgingly I think the Falcons are going to take Matt Ryan. Yes, the same guy who is as accurate as Michael Vick was in college but without the ability to run the ball but on the other hand the ability to throw a lot more interceptions. The Falcons should draft a linemen with this pick such as Sedrick Ellis or Chris Long, or trade it for more picks, and then draft one of Brian Brohm or Joe Flacco in the second round. But that would mean they are an intelligently run franchise and if you follow NFL history the Falcons clearly have never been associated with anything intelluctual. Matt Ryan benefits from it with a huge signing bonus. The Falcons still blow.

4. Oakland Raiders-Darren McFadden or Chris Long, who would you take? Long, the son of Hall of Famer Howie, would seem like the perfect fit in Oakland. McFadden with his questionable background also seems like the perfect fit for an Al Davis team. McFadden would be my pick because he is going to have the same impact as Adrian Peterson did last season. But I would also make sure he didn't kill any dogs before draft day.

5. Kansas City Chiefs-Chris Long, duh! He will replace the traded Jared Allen. I like Long a lot but I'm not convinced he will be an impact player right away in the NFL.

6. New York Jets-Vernon Gholston. And yes, the Jets fans will boo but they shouldn't. Gholston, when he decides to go full speed is an extremely dangerous pass rusher who could rack up Dwight Freeney type numbers in the NFL.

7. New England Patriots-More than likely the Patriots will try to trade out of this spot because A)they can get more picks and B)they don't want to give a huge signing bonus to a rookie. They need a LB but at this spot Keith Rivers and Dan Connor would be reaches, so I'm going to say Aqib Talib at CB.

8. Baltimore Ravens-I would absolutely love to see McFadden slip to the Ravens but I don't see it happening. The Ravens will take Sedrick Ellis at DT. Ellis could be better than Dorsey in the pros. Don't laugh, the kid is a beast who dominated for the most part in his USC career and was the most impressive lineman at the NFL Combine.

9. Cincy Bengals-The Bengals want Ellis really bad. Unfortunately unless they make a trade with the Patriots or Ravens they can't get him. Hell, the Falcons could take Ellis for all we know. You would think they have to draft somebody with questionable off-field behavior. Somebody who gets DUI's and scuffles with the Po-Po. Nobody from Penn State is graded this high though so you can't there. Mario Manningham seems like a good fit to replace Chad Johnson if they trade him and he has been kicked in and out of the Michigan football program numerous of times. But he projects to late first round/early 2nd. They will take USC LB Keith Rivers if he is available. And no, I don't think Rivers is going to be an All-Pro by any means but he will be a solid LB.

10. New Orleans Saints-Rashard Mendenhall to replace Reggie Bush. Kidding of course. Jonathan Stewart maybe? Just joking. They need cornerbacks so I will go with South Florida's Mike Jenkins.

11. Buffalo Bills-The Bills are really high on Oklahoma's Malcolm Kelly as am I. I think Kelly will be a really good NFL player and a great pick for the Bills.

12. Denver Broncos-The need a left tackle and Boise State's Ryan Clady is a pretty good one.

13. Carolina Panthers-The avoid the sexy pick by taking a guard in Virginia's Branden Albert.

14. Chicago Bears-They really need to get Sexy Rexy the fuck out of Chicago by drafting a QB. Instead they will draft an offensive lineman, a man named Jeff Otah out of Pittsburgh to play left tackle.

15. Detroit Lions-A WR of course! I got them taking a linebacker in Derrick Harvey out of Florida. A safe bet for sure, Harvey was a really good collegiate player who could develop at either OLB or DE.

16. Arizona Cardinals-Leodis McElvin out of Troy could become the shutdown corner Antrel Rolle was suppose to become.

17. Minnesota Vikings-Calais Campbell out of Miami is a freak of a defensive end who has the athletic ability to dominate in the NFL. But does he have the heart? The Vikings will find out by either drafting him or Phillip Merling.

18. Houston Texans-Rashard Mendenhall seems like a good fit for the Texans at RB. I also like Jonathan Stewart out of Oregon. Really can't go wrong with either, but I will go with Mendenhall.

19. Philadelphia Eagles-Desean Jackson seems like the perfect playmaker for Donovan McNabb to throw touchdowns at and to return kicks. Jackson has Devin Hester written all over him except he is a way better receiver.

20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers-They need a cornerback so that Rogers-Cromartie guy makes sense here. And no, I have never seem him play.

21. Washington Redskins-They want to trade this pick to the Bengals for Chad Johnson but if they don't they will take Phillip Merling out of Clemson to play defensive end.

22. Dallas Cowboys-I would take Jonathan Stewart but since Jerry Jones loves the Razorbacks it looks like Felix Jones will be the pick.

23. Pittsburgh Steelers-Jonathan Stewart is finally off the board. When healthy Stewart can do it all and should become a fan favorite in Steel Town.

24. Tennessee Titans-They need receivers for Vince Young. I'm not a fan of Limas Sweed but I can see them taking him to team up the old Longhorn teammates.

25. Seattle Seahawks-They need a d-tackle. I love Trevor Laws out of Notre Dame but I think he will still be an early second round pick. Kentwan Balmer out of North Carolina will more than likely be the pick.

26. Jacksonville Jaguars-They need linemen especially on the D side of the ball. Fuck it, I say they make a "stretch" pick by taking Laws out of Notre Dame.

27. San Diego Chargers-They need safety help and the only one worth it at this pick is Kenny Phillips out of Miami. They also could take a RB to replace Michael Turner in the second round.

28. Dallas Cowboys-Will anybody be surprised if the Cowboys trade both of their first round picks to somebody like Atlanta to get McFadden? I won't and I hope it happens for the sake of the Falcons franchise. If not they take James Hardy out of Indiana. A former basketball player on the Hoosiers, Hardy could become a dominant red zone presence in Dallas.

29. San Francisco Giants-Gosder Cherilus seems like the perfect pick out of Boston College. He could step in right away and play right tackle.

30. Green Bay Packers-They need a tight end. Martellus Bennett out of Texas A&M is the best one in my opinion in this draft and should be going to Green Bay.

31. New York Giants-Dan Connor out of Penn State should replace departed Kawika Mitchell. A no brainer in my mind, Connor could become another Keith Brooking.


When Atlanta Braves ace John Smoltz takes the mound tonight against the Washington Nationals he will be looking to join the exclusive 3000 career strikeout club that only 15 other pitchers can claim membership. Needing just 4 K's tonight to reach the milestone, Smoltz pretty much will stamp himself a one-way ticket to Cooperstown once he reaches 3000(the only one not in the Hall with 3000 career K's is Bert Blyleven).

In fact did you know the 3000 K club is more elusive over a career than 300 victories(23), 500 homeruns(23), and 3000 hits(27)? Smoltz is one of the most underrated power pitchers of his era. Maybe he was cast in the shadow of Greg Maddux and Tom Glavine for all those years but if you had a choice for a guy to be your starter for a pivotal game series clincher who would you want? I would take Smoltz without blinking an eye.

His post season pitching record is 15-4 with a 2.70 ERA. Smoltzie split-finger fastball and slider made him a great closer for 3 seasons(NL record 144 saves during that period) and yet he was still able to come back and pitch over 200 innings and record double digit victories while keeping an ERA in the low to mid 3's each season in his late 30's.

In layman's turn: Smoltzie is a beast.

Smoltz is also a great teammate who decided to stick with the Atlanta Braves organization when so many others left for more money(Tom Glavine for example). I know it sounds like a cliche but not many players play for one organization their whole career. The fact that Smoltz sacrificed his spot in the rotation to become a closer for the good of the team shows how great of a teammate he was. Of course Smoltz always knew he was a starter but never complained openly to the media and kept it behind close doors when he knew he should be back in the rotation. The Braves handled it with class and so did Smoltz when so many players and organizations are so quick to cut ties when things don't go right.

Smoltzie recorded his first K by smoking a high fastball past Darryl Strawberry 20 years ago at Atlanta Fulton County Stadium. Tonight I will stand and applaud him as he reaches another milestone in his Hall of Fame career against the Nationals at Turner Field. When he fools another hitter for his 3000th K I expect the crowd to roar and give him a standing ovation. The Commissioner Bud Selig should stumble up the mound with presumably a horrible speech and a handshake. Bobby Cox should pat him on his bald head and tell him one more time: "Good job Kid!"

John Andrew Smoltz affectionately known by teammates as Smoltzie, the future Hall of Famer, has earned and deserves it.


The pictures above clearly show Jessica Simpson has been cheating on Tony Romo with a freaking Smurf. I wonder which one she banged? Maybe she hit up the whole crew. You know it's only a matter of time before she gets some of the Terrell Owen's action on after seeing his guest appearance on BangBros. When asked about the secret vacation Owens and Jessica took together, Owens did not take it too well...

Pictures courtesy of D Magazine


Those guys at TNT are pretty creative. Personally I would have made it a little more embarrassing for Albert. Put him in some chaps. Whip him with a leather belt. Maybe put a ball gag in his mouth and have a donkey lick peanut butter off of him. Oh yeah...nevermind.

Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing

Monday, April 21, 2008


These pictures come courtesy of The Big Lead which shows America's favorite non-playing Big Man drinking some of the finest Franzia wine at a house party on the campus of Penn State.

Holy shit! Don't these people even know Oden just played for Ohio State and deserves to be called a "faggot" for even deciding to attend Bucknut University? I thought if you attended State Penn you were no longer allowed to associate with anybody who even remotely identifies themselves with the Scarlet and Gray. These Nittany Lions are clearly impostors.

To be honest I'm really disappointed in Oden for this tame picture. NBA rookies, especially the #1 overall pick, should be doing lines off stripper's asses and making it rain. This frat boy shit with cheap wine is rather pathetic. In my world that is just another Sunday morning bible study class.

And where are the dead hookers?


You remember those days when you would go to the zoo or park and see a couple of four legged freaks go at it and you would ask your Mommy: "Why are they fighting?"

And what would your Mommy say?

Of course she would say they are not fighting, it's just their way of showing their love for one another by ripping each other apart and rubbing fat men's tits while shouting "Red Sox suck!" See this is why I never want to hear a Yankee or Red Sox fan make fun of another team's fan. They will claim their passionate but everybody else with a functional frontal lobe of the brain knows that these people are really just psychotic douchebags.

I mean you can just see the sexual tension between these two fan bases. They really just need to fuck and get it over with already.

And if you are wondering why I posted this video it is simple: this rivalry obviously needs more publicity and exposure. I'm so sick of ESPN talking about the sweep of the Dodgers by the Braves(I was there yesterday, no fights but I did see a 60 year old man with a hilarious 80's rat tail) and can we please stop incessant talk and blabbering about the Western divisions in both leagues? I mean if I have to hear another story about Ichiro and Vladimir and how if they made love they would form the perfect beast of a ballplayer or hear about another Giants fans spitting on an A's fans because they live across the Bay with the "colored folks" I swear on Willie May's grave I will turn off the television. We need more Northeast coverage people!

Video HT: WithLeather via Busted Coverage via Deadspin


What does the basketball say to the face? SLAP! The NBA Playoffs have kicked off and besides the Sixers beating the Pistons everything seems to be going as planned. The Lakers beat the shit out of the Nuggets with AI getting ejected and Laker fans showing their admiration and love for Carmelo while chanting "DUI, DUI, DUI." The Boston Celtics worked the pathetic Atlanta Hawks last night and Chris Paul showed why maybe he is the MVP after all by personally destroying the Dallas Mavericks in the second half. Tim Duncan and Manu Ginobli survived the Suns in overtime thanks to some huge shots from both and the Jazz showed why they love their home court Mormon advantage by pasting the Rockets.

I'm still sticking with my original prediction of Spurs over the Celtics in the Finals but I must admit the Lakers look really good. And I heard Kobe isn't raping anybody when he goes back to Colorado so he shouldn't be a distraction. And don't judge Kobe for his past trangressions in the Rocky Mountain High State. At least he isn't a car fucker...although that clip of him jumping over a car might have just been foreplay.


It's been way too long since I've seen these 5 guys back together doing actual comedy. The Kids in the Hall was some of the funniest shit on Comedy Central back in the 90's and if you have never seen their underground hit movie "Brain Candy" I would highly recommmend it. Some of the greatest one-liners to ever hit the big screen are in "Brain Candy" and I believe I watched the film about 100 times in college. And no, it's not a stoner's movie, but it might help a little bit if you toke some beforehand. Just kidding, meth should do the job.

Saturday, April 19, 2008


Notre Dame started their spring scrimmage off right today by securing the commitment of prep RB Cierre Wood, the #3 rated overall player in the country and the top RB in the nation. Wood is out of Oxnard(CA) Santa Clara HS and is a tremendous steal out of Trojan and Bruin country. A fluid back, Wood should get the ball rolling for the Irish in terms of recruiting. He is the highest rated RB to commit to the Irish since Charlie Weis took over and with his solid commitment in hand it should get other recruits to take notice. Here is a list of other top prepsters who are visiting this weekend in South Bend courtesy of

ATH E.J. Banks - offered
RB DJ ADAMS - offered
ILB Jordan Barrett - offered
OG Alex Bullard - interested
FB Daniel Drummond - interested
TE Tyler Eifert - interested
TE Jake Golic - committed
S DeVonte Holloman - offered
DE Anthony LaLota - interested
OT Sam Longo - interested
DE Craig Roh - offered
DT Tyler Stockton - offered
RB Cierre Wood - committed

The key for the Irish this weekend is going to be making some big inroads with a lot of the defensive players especially the linebackers and defensive linemen. The Irish will always be able to land quality offensive talents with Weis at the helm but they need to continue to steal some defensive talent now with Jon Tenuta in the Blue and Gold.

Here are some YouTube highlights of Cierre Wood...

UPDATE: The Irish also landed the commitment of Tyler Stockton this past weekend. Stockton is a beast of a defensive lineman who is eerily similar in stature, technique, and downright nastiness to some guy who switched commitments last year to play for the Urban Liar. I forgot his name already.


How can you not love Sir Charles Barkley? He speaks his mind, often hilariously, and tells everybody exactly how it works to a degree. He is not afraid to throw punches and I'm loving the fact he has the balls to speak about how shoddy ESPN has become. This clip is from The Dan Patrick Show regarding the recent ambush of Miguel Tejada by ESPN: 60....

I just wish somebody with enough money and cajones would start a competing sports network to battle ESPN. Steal their best talents (Scott Van Pelt, Erin Andrews, Kirk Herbstreit, Buster Olney among others) and rob them of their college football and basketball coverage and strike a deal with MLB to carry a ton of their games and ESPN would quickly erode faster than a boner in front of Rosie O'donnell.

Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing

Friday, April 18, 2008


Honestly I don't know how I feel about the video. One part of me hates ESPN for being the dick they are and entrapping Miguel Tejada with proof they already knew he would lie about. This was never breaking journalistic news because everybody with a functional brain knows the Dominicans lie about their age. I wonder why they didn't have Peter Gammons(Red Sox cocksucker) or Buster Olney(an actual great baseball mind unlike Gammons in my view) ask the tought questions to Tejada? Why? Because ESPN is full of vaginas. But in this instance they look more like the dick and the asshole more than the pussy. Because we all know there is three things in life Chuck: dicks, assholes, and pussys. And clearly ESPN is all of them. If they want to be fair and balanced with this garbage they should talk to more Latinos like David Ortiz, Manny Ramirez, Bobby Abreu, Robinson Cano, and other Red Sox and Yankees players about their age before they pull this shit with Tejada. But they won't because 90% of ESPN is full of those bandwagon cockbags.

I almost feel bad for Tejada before I realize he is caught in the lie. Similar to NBC's To Catch a Predator minus the actual breaking the law and being moralistically wrong, Tejada lied about his age. Big fucking deal. Women lie about their age all the time. All this interview does is make ESPN look like some sort of TMZ minus the integrity.

Yes, TMZ minus the integrity is what ESPN is these days. Sad isn't it? It's the reason why ESPN leads off with Yankees-Red Sox news and how Matt Ryan is the greatest QB to come out in the NFL draft since Peyton Manning. National sports coverage deserves more than the recycled regionalized bullshit that is ESPN. We want real coverage, coast to coast. We know Tejada lied about his age and we really don't care. We want to hear about how the Arizona Diamondback's Justin Upton might be the best 20 year old to play in the major leagues since God know who and not about some BS story about a fucking jersey being cemented under a rival's new stadium.

We don't give a rat's ass about the New York Knicks more than we do the Atlanta Hawks so why make news about the Knicks firing Isiah Thomas? Nobody gives a shit about the Knicks outside of New Yorkers themselves more than they care about the Hawks still sucking balls and making the playoffs out of the Big East conference known as the Eastern Conference of the NBA. Let's talk about how amazing the Kansas City Royals young pitching staff is becoming or how good the National League West is going to be this year and for one minute not talk about something on the East Coast.

As those marketing geniuses did at Nike I want you to Just do it ESPN. Give us serious discussion on the rivalry between the Cubs and Cardinals and the Dodgers and Giants. They are as relative to baseball as those other two teams you love to cover in baseball. I want good journalism and not TMZ. I want Tejada to hit homeruns and lie about his age because they really don't matter. I want ESPN to be honest about Matt Ryan and see him nothing more than the next Ken Dorsey or David Greene.

And for God's sake I want more Erin Andrews and less of Holly Rowe.


Sports and Rants has their list of the top nicknames in baseball today and I think The Hammerin Hebrew has to be the best one by far. Ryan Braun is a great young slugger who can't field worth a lick and if there is one name that can make Milwaukee people cream in their oversized pants besides Milwaukee's Best it has to be Hammerin Hebrew.


I love bananas.

Thursday, April 17, 2008


Make sure you watch both camera angles on this incredible slide/jump over the catcher. Pretty impressive for a white kid.


Let me take a wild guess here with this typical Yankees fan. First name is either Anthony or Junior. Born, raised, and still lives in New Jersey but claims to be from New York. Drinks more apple martinis than actual beer. Loud and rude while hanging with his buds. Thinks a solid relationship is making out with $5 Jersey whores. Jerks off while crying to "When a man loves a woman." Thinks Derek Jeter is the best shortstop ever and quite possibly the best baseball player ever not named Babe Ruth.

Video HT: Barstool Sports


According to Gary Parrish of CBS Sportsline there was a reason why the Memphis Tigers Athletic Program did not hold a press conference for freshman sensation Derrick Rose to announce his early entry into the NBA Draft: he got in a fight with a football player over a girl.

Other than alcohol I would say the number one cause of fighting between college aged males is always women. Just watch an episode of Real World and see how long it takes till two dudes are scrapping over some barfly in a short skirt. I guess we can't blame Rose for this because he is young and naive like all of us either were or still are as in my case. But you know we will hear an endless amount of chatter from dipshit-know-nothings like Skip Bayless and Todd McShay how this will ruin his draft stock and could wind up costing him millions.

Bullshit is what most people call Bayless' and McShay's words of wisdom. I call it typical ESPN garbage. Anyways, we know the only girl that will cost Rose future millions will be his first wife. It's money in the bag for whomever gets a diamond ring from Rose.


Shocking isn't it? Okay, maybe not, but today Houston Astros SS Miguel Tejada confirmed what everybody already knew in that he is older than his listed age of 31. Of course he still might be under estimating his actual age of 33 if you ask baseball scouts.

Astros shortstop Miguel Tejada has told the team he's actually 33, two years older than he's listed in the club's media guide and other baseball records.

Tejada, saying he wanted rid himself of a burden, approached general manager Ed Wade and asked to correct misinformation he gave the Oakland A's when he signed in 1993, the Houston Chronicle reported on its Web site Thursday.

Miggy says he wanted to "rid himself of the burden" of having lied about his age when he came to the States as a teenager to Astros GM Ed Wade. So now the question remains of what else will Miggy reveal as some untruths he has told in the past?

Maybe he did sabotage Rafael Palmeiro after all with those tainted B-12 injections.

Maybe he was on steroids after all even though he still denies ever using the stuff.

Maybe he did tank his overall effort and attitude while playing in Baltimore under the dark curse of Peter Angelos's disgusting snauser even though he maintained his attitude and energy levels remained the same despite the losing.

Maybe he is Julio Franco's long lost twin.


We have finally reached the end of the NBA regular season and now get thrust ed into it's second season: The Playoffs. In other words we still have another six exciting weeks till we reach the Finals between the San Antonio Spurs and Boston Celtics. Going out on another limb, I'm going to say the Spurs win yet another Championship securing their place as a NBA Dynasty.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008


I still can't get over the fact that Obama bowled a pathetic 37 a few weeks back but this Rocky montage gets the hopes back up for all the Obama supporters out there. My buddy Andrew and his band BoatCar are playing at an Obama Rally this Saturday in Denver for his "Nation of Change" tour.

Translation for "Nation of Change": someone in the Oval office who actually speaks the English language correctly and doesn't get their grammar lessons from this here blog.

I got to give a little more pub for BoatCar, a self described "original mountain grown funky/jazzy/folky/jammy kinda band" without the heroin addiction and boils on the side of their necks. At least I don't think they are on heroin yet, give them a couple of years when they have really hit the big time. If you are in the Denver area check them out or if you are a promoter be sure to contact them, you won't be disappointed.

BoatCar Myspace Page

"The world would clearly be a better place with more bands like Boat Car."-God


The mighty filthy USC Trojans named Mark "Dirty" Sanchez as their new starting QB heading into 2008. The ambiguously gay duo of Sanchez and Brian Cushing(pictured above) can now retreat to their completely paid off Hollywood flat (NCAA doesn't frown upon same sex couples in case you were wondering) where they will enjoy a solid spring of turkish mud wrestling while playing hop scotch in between Pete Carroll constant Facebook statements of "enjoying golf in this great southern Cal weather" which is clearly an attempt to land the next Tiger Woods and covert him into his 12th tailback.

Sanchez clearly needs a Sportscrack shirt made in his honor. Be on the lookout for a "Dirty Sanchez" shirt to make it's debut sometime this summer.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


Good thing the dude wasn't looking at porn. That would have been really awkward.


Figuratively and literally the Fightin Fulmers continue to bend backwards in their pursuit to be a player in the SEC again. The gruesome picture is courtesy of Wizard of Odds of fullback David Holbert during the final spring scrimmage tearing a couple of ligaments in his now deformed knee.

When asked for comment on the horrible news that the next Jamal Lewis in the collective delusional Volunteers' minds would be out for the season he calmly put down his tenth Soney's BBQ pork sandwich and started whistling Rocky Top.

Yes, Rocky Top, it will always be home sweet home for hillbilly's like you and me.


In case you were wondering and I'm sure you were the internet sensation that is Allison Stokke is now in college. My Chill Pill has all the wonderful pictures of her stick handling abilities while pole vaulting at Cal. There is a joke somewhere in there but I will let you handle it.

Saturday, April 12, 2008


If you are sleep deprived or need to calm down and back away from the ledge because your significant other just left you for your best friend well then watch the Masters. It can literally bore the shit out of you and soothe you to sleep without having to go to the bottle and pills.


To whomever won the Sportscrack NCAA Tournament Pool please identify your glorious and genius self by emailing me at so I can send you your new Sportscrack swag. Fairchild out.

Monday, April 07, 2008

2008 Basketball National Championship Prediction

Kansas 68
Memphis 65

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Final Four Predictions

Kansas 76
North Carolina 72

Over/Under on the number of times Billy Packer has an on-air orgasm while watching Tyler Hansbrough make an easy layup look difficult: 10

Memphis 60

Over/Under on Packer references to Kevin Love being a smart/crafty player: 3552

Friday, April 04, 2008


A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an
attractive man standing alone. She approached him.
'Hi....My name is Carmen', she told him.
'That's a beautiful name,' he replied, 'Is it a family
'No,' she replied. 'I gave it to myself. It reflects
the things I enjoy most -- cars and men.'
'What's your name?' she asked.
He said, 'B. J. Titsenbeer'.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008


Take a visit to Armchair GM to vote for your favorite sports wife. The 32 women field is a collection of beauties with the lone exception of Eva Longoria. She howls at the full moon when not wearing 10 pounds of foundation. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about.
My vote goes to Cheryl Tweedy(pictured above), the wife of soccer player Ashley Cole in case you were wondering.


You have it to hand it to the PTI guys for playing this off really well...

I'm looking forward to this weekend's Final Four because I think it is about time we had the best teams competing against each other for the whole thing. UCLA, North Carolina, Kansas, and Memphis were all the clear cut best teams throughout the season, winning both their regular season and tournament conference championships. This is actually the first time I have ever gotten the Final Four right and if all goes as I planned we will be having an UCLA vs. Kansas Title game match with UCLA winning another one.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008


Maybe not...get a haircut hippie!