SportsCrack Blog

Friday, January 25, 2013

Do You Even Lift Bro?

I can't believe how many chicken arms were in that video.  Embarrassing.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Kate Upton's Mercedes Benz Super Bowl Commercial Fails To Deliver

Um, where the hell is the bikini and who in their right god damn mind decided it would be funny to put kids in football jerseys washing the car?

No wonder nobody drives Mercedes anymore.  Even Kia can make a sexier commercial.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Glenn Robinson III Throws Down a 360-Degree Dunk

The son of the Big Dog threw down this nasty 360-degree dunk last night vs the Golden Gophers.  It was glorious as you can see.  More glorious than his Dad who likes to hit the pubs in my neck of the woods with his knee high NBA white socks while driving his Maserati?  Not quite.

Video via TheBigLead

Thursday, January 17, 2013

@KUBoobs Blowing Up Twitter

Whether real or fake @KUBoobs is here to stay.  Before the Manti Te'o fake dead girlfriend broke Twitter yesterday the hottest thing on there was @KUBoobs.  Now it's up to other schools to match the heat that Rock Chalk is bringing.

No Dame Lennay Football Shirt

If you asked me when I started SportsCrack that could you ever imagine making a shirt about a dead girl who never actually existed in a Catfish hoax I would say you were crazy.  But apparently I am the crazy one as I scream Lennay at the football that slowly fades away.  There is no Dame named Lennay other than the fictional one a couple of kids created in order to fool Manti Te'o.  But now there is a shirt in her honor.  Fucking weird right?  What is real is the shirt and a portion of all sales goes to the American Cancer Society which does actually go to helping people struggling with the awful disease.


Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Manti Te'o Comes Clean About His Dead Fake Girlfriend

Yep. Totally believable. I know it's not cool to make fun of Manti Te'o right now because we have to try to remember that a girl that never existed is dead. It's sad. Te'o was clearly the victim of a "Catfish" scheme which before today I had never heard of. Today the internet clearly won as Te'o's fake girlfriend crashed Twitter and Facebook. And people still want to say Notre Dame isn't relevant. When it comes to dead fake girlfriends clearly nobody, and I mean nobody, beats Notre Dame. Here is a picture of Manti hugging his dead fake girlfriend.

Video of Oregon Fans Reacting To News Of Chip Kelly Leaving For The NFL

 Nothing to see here folks.  It looks like they are taking it perfectly well.

Well it was good knowing you Ducks.
/BCS Bowl Committee

College Football Depression Is Starting To Kick In

I still can't believe this season is done.  No more college football for another 180 days.  What the fuck am I suppose to do between now and then?  Talk to my family?  I don't even know their names.  I think I called my brother Manti a few times over Christmas break.  I'm not even shitting you.

Oh well I guess we got National Signing Day in February to look forward to and then the spring football games and what not.  2012 was a great year for this college football fan.  I got to watch my team finally compete for their first National Title in over 20 years.  Yeah they got their asses kicked down in Miami but it still won't take away the memories of a great and special season by the Fighting Irish.

You know college football is your favorite sport when you just stop watching ESPN after the season is officially over.  I have almost zero interest in college basketball and the NBA right now.  I couldn't tell you shit about either because I've literally watched maybe two hours of basketball all season (and that was the Maryland vs Kentucky game to tip off the season).  There is just no sport that matches up with the excitement of college football.  Thank God my Atlanta Falcons won last week or I wouldn't even be watching the NFL right now.  I'm just happy the Dirty Birds won a playoff game and got that enormous monkey off of Mike Smith and Matty Ice's back.  I guess it's not all that depressing when you  think about it but it still feels like you are settling for a side piece in the NFL instead of being with your true love in college football.

Here are my top 10 teams going into the 2013 season:

1.  Bama - Duh!  They got McCarron back along with the greatest football coach of my generation in Nick Saban and they will simply reload.

2.  ND - 15 starters back including a freshman QB in Everett Golson who I thought played great in the BCS Championship.  The defense should again be solid with Nix and Tuitt up front and the schedule looks less daunting.  It also helps that Brian Kelly didn't ditch them.

3.  Oregon - Oregon is in the same boat as ND.  The Quack Attack get their coach back along with a freshman QB in Marioti who continued to get better.  Stanford will be their only true test again.  EDIT: Nevermind Chip Kelly is going to Philly to take the Iggles job.

4.  Stanford - Holy shit have they built an elite program or what?  3 straight BCS berths and 12 win seasons makes them legitimate contenders for a title in 2013.  People tend to forget they won the PAC-12 last year and not Oregon.

5.  South Carolina - Connor Shaw, Jadaveon Clowney and Steve Spurrier all return to Columbia.  The schedule won't be as tough as last season either.

6.  Texas A&M - Johnny Football and Kevin Sumlin had a storybook first season in the SEC.  The former middle of the pack Big 12 team will have a giant bullseye on them this season though.  Can Johnny Heisman avoid the sophomore slump?

7.  Ohio State - They got a great QB in Braxton Miller and a great coach in Urban Meyer.  Plus their schedule is fucking garbage so they have a legit shot at going undefeated...again.

8.  Louisville - I know it's only one game and you shouldn't just a team by it but the way Teddy Bridgewater scorch earthed the Gators defense was simply too hard to ignore.  Charlie Strong is building a juggernaut up there in Louisville.

9.  Oklahoma - Getting rid of Landry Jones makes them better in my opinion.  I don't think the Sooners are that great but I wouldn't be shocked to see Blake Bell put up a Tebowesque season for the Norman faithful.

10.  Georgia - Aaron Murray is back along with 9 other starters on the offensive side of the ball that should again put up a ton of points.  The defense was already a liability and now losing all their studs to the NFL won't help causes with a schedule much tougher than the past 2 seasons.

Vanderbilt's James Franklin's Business Card Is Completely Boss

No wonder Vanderbilt is now somewhat competitive in the SEC.  Holy shit look at that complete boss business card head football coach James Franklin is carrying.  Patrick Bateman would literally kill for that fucker.

I'm the CEO* of a booming internet sports apparel business and I don't even carry a business card.  Even if I did have one it wouldn't be nearly as cool as this one.  It would be like wearing a Swatch watch at a a Breitling party.  I just feel inadequate after seeing Franklin's business card.  If I'm a football recruit I sign my letter of intent as soon as Franklin hands over that bad boy.

I got $500 on Lane Kiffin's business card is printed on toilet paper?  Anybody want to take the bet?

Via SB Nation

* code for raging functional alcoholic who sells t-shirts on the side.

This NFL Bad Lip Reading Video Will Make Your Day

Jim Harbaugh wants his cake!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Atlanta Falcon's Jacquizz Rodgers Wears A "Quizz On Your Face" Shirt

Watch out 49ers.  Someone is coming to QUIZZ ON YOUR FACE come Sunday afternoon in the Georgia Dome.  He's only 5'6 but Falcon's tailback Jacquizz Rodgers punches one hell of a punch.   Just ask Seattle's Earl Thomas.

And yes this needed to be a SportsCrack shirt yesterday.  Go Dirty Birds!

Tiger Woods vs Rory McIlroy Nike Commercial

This new Tiger vs Rory Nike commercial brings back memories of the McDonald's Jordan vs Bird commercial back in the early 90's.  They titled this one "No Cup is Safe" but a more appropriate one in my opinion should have been "No Hole is Safe" especially when it comes to Tiger.  You could have had Tiger's former mistresses all around the world receiving hole-in-ones.   Nike needs to think outside of the box.  Or in this case inside the box.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Every Johnny Manziel Touchdown

Via Kegs N Eggs comes every Johnny Football's touchdown this season in eight minutes.  The Heisman winner had a storybook season and now he gets to enjoy his offseason with scores of coeds.

Friday, January 04, 2013


"The pride and tradition of Notre Dame Football will not be left to the weak, timid or non-committed."

I can not wait to get to Miami.  3 more days I will be out on that field celebrating with the boys bringing home the Natty.  Go Irish!

Fascinating New Picture from the Mars Rover

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

Jadeveon Clowney With The Hit of the New Year

I think I just pissed blood after seeing this hit.  Good lord Jadeveon Clowney just threw in his hat for the Heisman Trophy frontrunner for 2013.  Of course he won't win it because defensive players aren't allowed to win it but I think there will be little doubt Clowney is the top returning player in 2013.