SportsCrack Blog

Monday, August 01, 2011


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Do Yankees Fans Never Learn?

Just because you are savage animals with shit for brains doesn't mean you try to catch the ball with your face. I swear to God these people will just never learn. You have to use your hands to catch the ball! Thousands of years of evolution and still we got these imbeciles trying to catch it with their enormous nostrils like they are sucking up blow off toilet seats on Wall Street.

And yes I recognize the Yankees swept the pathetic Orioles once again. Summer wouldn't seem the same without that storyline.

Kate Upton: Enjoys Milking and Grabbing Cock

You know sometimes the pictures just write the headlines themselves. It's not necessarily my perverse view of the world. It's that sultry Kate Upton who thinks of shit like this while posing for "The Complex" and killing all men inside...and out.

Keep on rocking it Ms. Upton...

Peter King Reaffirms My Belief the Carolina Panthers will be God Awful

The Carolina Panthers went 2-14 last season with a rookie QB in Jimmy Clausen taking the majority of the snaps. They had by far the worst offense in the NFL last season ranking dead last in points, yards, and passing yards. Clausen didn't help matters with an abysmal 52.5% completion percentage and a 58.4 QB rating along with a 3-to-9 touchdown to interception rate. So this year it appears they are going to bench the young Clausen in favor of #1 pick Cam Newton. Cam is a player who Peter King describes as "a little inaccurate...but he had a couple of great deep throws." Sweet. He basically described another Jamarcus Russell.

The Panthers current Vegas odds on their win total is 4.5. Right now I don't see them beating anybody in the NFL South. The Falcons, Saints, and Buccaneers should go undefeated against Carolina who will be breaking in not only a rookie QB with tremendous expectations but a rookie coach in Ron Rivera. The only winnable games I see on their schedule are the opener vs. Arizona on the road and then an October 23rd game vs the Redskins and a November 13th game vs the Titans. And while I'm fully aware that every game in the NFL should be a "Any Given Sunday" attitude towards the final outcome I can't help but look at the Panthers and think they are going to win no more than 3 games all season if they are lucky.

Bet the under of 4.5 wins for Carolina. They are going to be awful. Trust me.

Kerry Wood with the lone Cubs Highlight of the Year

It's been a long season for the lovable losers from the Northside. But pitcher Kerry Wood brought a ray of sunshine on this cloudy 2011 season for the Cubbies with this nifty behind-the-back snag to start a 1-6-3 double play. Somewhere Steve Bartman is in full clown outfit with single tear going down left cheek.

Netflix Relief Fund

The debt ceiling is your fault Netflix. I wanted two DVDs at one time. Not one like some dickhead. Now I'm the dickhead because of you Netflix. I can't afford the extra $6 a month. That's like 3 months salary for a blogger. What a bunch of heartless bastards!