SportsCrack Blog

Tuesday, March 03, 2009


March Madness is just around the corner bitches. Notre Dame and Maryland have been blowing ass all season so there is little chance I will be rooting for any other team besides the ones I bet on come tourney time. There is one thing for sure though. I will be rooting for Duke's opponent. Only because I hate them and their flopping homo players like Greg Paulus.

You remember Paulus as the former McDonald's All-American who passed up football to lick Coach K's mangina in Cameron Indoors. Actually you might not remember him because he never plays besides garbage time these days. Here is a good spoof of Greg Loose Anus Paulus by some Tarholes fans...

Video HT: Barstool Sports


I know. First the gay soccer highlight and now a love story? "He must have gone two weeks in search of the perfect buttdart" is probably what you are thinking. But this is a good love story to tell your significant other tonight. Or to tell your buddies. Or your parole officer. Or mistress. I'm not judging you bastards, why judge me....

A Short Love Story

A man and a woman who had never met before,
but who were both married to other people,
found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,.......... 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'

'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight,...... let's pretend that we're married.'

'Wow!...................... That's a great idea!', he exclaimed.

'Good,' she replied. ............'Get your own damn blanket..'

After a moment of silence, .....................he farted.

The End

Joke HT: Joe


It's not too often you will see a soccer post on here. The guy with the kick has a last name of Mascara so it fits the feminine side of soccer well. Almost half field when he launches the kick, the balls goes over 45 yards at an improbable angle to barely nestle in the back of the goal past the goalie's outstretched fingers. Hell of a kick I must say. Hell of a kick.

Video HT: FanIQ


DeAngelo will continue to kiss TO's shoes in Washington.

The batshit crazy NFL free agency season launched last week and so far we have seen a ton of movement. Here are some quick thoughts on the moves so far with little research on my part. Would you expect more? I didn't think so.

ARIZONA CARDINALS-Signed Keith Lewis, S. Re-signed Ben Graham, P, and Brian St. Pierre, QB. All 3 of these signings don't mean shit. None of them are difference makers unless some how the Cardinals totally fuck up resigning Kurt Warner. Warner is looking at the 49ers and I guess the Cardinals look at St. Pierre as a possible back up to Leinart if he is starting next year. Leinart=no playoffs
ATLANTA FALCONS-Re-signed Michael Koenen p/k (f). The Falcons have lost starters Brooking, Milloy, and Foxworth so far on defense. Losing Brooking is no big deal. The guy has lost two steps and is just a pile jumper at this point of his career. Good guy, bad player. Milloy and Foxworth are both big losses in the secondary in my opinion. It looks like GM Thomas Dimitroff will address these losses through the draft or they could go after Atlanta native Jermaine Phillips from the Tampa Bay Bucs.
BALTIMORE RAVENS-Signed Domonique Foxworth, CB. Decent signing here by the Ravens. They bring a local boy back home to replace Chris McAlister. It looks like they will resign Ray Lewis now. Good for them.
BUFFALO BILLS-Signed Ryan Fitzpatrick, QB; and Geoff Hangartner, OL. I seriously have no fucking clue who these two guys are and have no reason to research it.
CAROLINA PANTHERS-Re-signed Jordan Gross, OT. Gross is one of the best offensive tackles in the game and deserved the money. His 6 year deal should keep him in Carolina black and blue for the rest of his career.
CHICAGO BEARS-Signed Frank Omiyale, OL. The Bears are hoping to catch magic with this signing of Jordan Gross's backup in Carolina. The Bears are idiots by the way. Are they ever going to address their total lack of talent at QB?
CINCINNATI BENGALS-Re-signed Darryl Blackstock, LB; Chris Crocker, S, and DeDe Dorsey, WR. The reason they are called the Bungles is because of signings like this and let T.J. who's your mama leave.
DALLAS COWBOYS-Signed Keith Brooking, LB. Have fun playing in the circus Brooking. Like I mentioned earlier, Brooking is a great guy but a bad linebacker at this point in his career.
DENVER BRONCOS-Signed Correll Buckhalter, RB; Andra Davis, LB; Brian Dawkins, S; Jabar Gaffney, WR; Andre' Goodman, CB; Renaldo Hill, S; Lonie Paxton, FS; and Darrell Reid, DT. Agreed to terms with J.J. Arrington, RB. The Broncos are clearly the most active so far in free agency. Dawkins is a great signing and should bring leadership to a bad Broncos defense. Arrington and Buckhalter should compete for carries. The question is will they trade Jay Cutler? Cutler seems to be a whiny bitch with some hurt feelings at this point complaining about stuff he has no business addressing. They should just trade him to Cleveland for Brady Quinn.
DETROIT LIONS-Signed Bryant Johnson, WR; Eric King, CB; and Maurice Morris, RB. Re-signed Jason Hanson, K; and Stephen Peterman, G. The only perfect team in the NFL last year continues to make head scratching moves. Make that ball scratching.
HOUSTON TEXANS-Signed Antonio Smith, DE; and Dan Orlovsky, QB. Re-signed Chris White, C; and Eugene Wilson, S. They way overpaid for Smith who rode a good playoff performance into an enormous contract.
INDIANAPOLIS COLTS-Re-signed Kelvin Hayden, CB; and Jeff Saturday, C. Saturday is a great player but losing Marvin Harrison will hurt. I don't care what people say, Harrison can still play.
JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS-Signed Sean Considine, S. Re-signed Brad Meester, C; and Scott Starks, CB.-For some reason I have always hated the Jaguars. Not sure why other than I hate their uniforms and their games always seem to be boring.
MIAMI DOLPHINS-Signed Joe Berger, G; Re-signed Vernon Carey, OT; Yeremiah Bell, S; and Channing Crowder, LB. Good to see Carey get the money he deserved. Their two offensive tackles are now making more money than GM loses in a day.
MINNESOTA VIKINGS-Re-signed Jim Kleinsasser, TE. Sounds like a German dish.
NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS-Signed and Chris Baker, TE; and Fred Taylor, RB. Re-signed Matt Cassel, QB (f), and traded him to Kansas City; re-signed Russ Hochstein, OL. Not sure what to make of the Cassel trade. Personally I think Cassel is overrated but it sounded like the Patriots could have gotten more than a 2nd rounder for him. The Pat's know what they are doing so I will differ my judgement till after the draft. Taylor should be a good 3rd down back.
NEW ORLEANS SAINTS-Re-signed Jon Stinchcomb, T; and Jonathan Vilma, LB. Both needed to be resigned at premium positions. I wonder what Brees mole got?
NEW YORK GIANTS-Signed Rocky Bernard, DT; Michael Boley, LB; and Chris Canty, DE. Re-signed Brandon Jacobs, RB (f); and David Carr, QB. The Giants are addressing their needs on defense with Bernard, Boley, and Canty. But they need to find a replacement for Plax and I guess the draft will remedy it.
NEW YORK JETS-Signed Bart Scott, LB. Re-signed Brandon Moore, G. Agreed to terms with Tony Richardson, FB. Bart Scott decided to follow Rex Ryan to NY and I can't blame him especially with the money he got. Should be interesting to see how good he is when not playing next to Terrell Suggs and Ray Lewis.
OAKLAND RAIDERS-Re-signed Nnamdi Asomugha, DB; and Shane Lechler, P. 3 years at $45.3 million for Asomugha? Just die already Al Davis.
PHILADELPHIA EAGLES-Signed Stacy Andrews, OT. Re-signed Joselio Hanson, CB. The Eagles have two first round draft picks and have seen Dawkins and Sheppard leave their secondary. Chances have gone up they will go secondary with at least one of the picks.
PITTSBURGH STEELERS-Re-signed Max Starks, T (f); and Chris Kemoeatu, G. Two guys resigned to help Big Ben stay upright. Makes sense.
ST. LOUIS RAMS-Signed Jason Brown, OL. Really good signing here by the Rams. Brown is a center who will help open up holes for Jackson.
SAN DIEGO CHARGERS-Re-signed Kynan Forney, G. So when are they going to trade Tomlinson and the playoff bench he sits on?
SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS-Signed Brandon Jones, WR. Re-signed Takeo Spikes, LB; Moran Norris, FB; and Allen Rossum, CB-KR. If the 49ers sign Kurt Warner then the offseason is a success.
SEATTLE SEAHAWKS-Agreed to terms with Colin Cole, DT, and T.J. Housyourmama, WR. Seahawks now have a deep play threat in T.J. who baldy should love throwing to in Seattle.
TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS-Re-signed Luke McCown, QB; and WR Michael Clayton. Screw the Succaneers.
TENNESSEE TITANS-Signed Nate Washington, WR; and Jovan Haye, DT.
Re-signed Rob Bironas, K; Justin McCareins, WR; Kerry Collins, QB; and Vincent Fuller, DB.
Collins coming back means he will be the starter with Vince Young riding the pine.
WASHINGTON REDSKINS-Signed Derrick Dockery, G; and Albert Haynesworth, DT. Re-signed Ethan Albright, LS; and DeAngelo Hall, CB. The Deadskins continue to make all the offseason headlines but they overpaid for Haynesworth and most certainly are morons for giving DeAngelo anything over $2 million. DeAngelo can't cover shit. Good in zone. Terrible on man-on-man. And yet the Deadskins pay him top dollar to be a lockdown corner. Idiots. Haynesworth will get fat and stupid.