SportsCrack Blog

Monday, December 30, 2013

Wisconsin Badgers React To Randall Cobb's Game Winning Touchdown

The Wisconsin Badgers football team got together yesterday to watch the Bears-Packers game and as you can see the reactions were mixed.  And by mixed I mean the one dejected Badger in the Bears Matt Forte jersey who simply spiked his water bottle while the rest of his teammates wildly celebrated the improbable Randall Cobb touchdown catch.

Friday, December 27, 2013

A.J. McCarron's Dad is Definitely Smashing Katherine Webb

Look at that sinister grin on A.J. McCarron's dad's face.  High ball in one hand, other hand on his son's girlfriend's leg.  And Katherine Webb is pulling him in while you know he is elbow deep into her.  Yup.  Fucking Dad stole Horseface McGee right from under his tattoo riddled ass.  What...a...boss!

I think Dad even has one of A.J.'s championship rings on his leg grabbing hand.  Scandalous behavior down in Bama.

Chip Kelly Has a Simple Plan on Offense: "Fucking Score Points!"

Simple.  Concise.  Eloquent.  All of these words describe Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly's explanation to WR Riley Cooper here.

2014 NFL Mock Draft

With college football season basically done till the meaningless bowls kick in early January it's time to turn my attention on one of my favorite national past times: NFL mock draft.  With my Atlanta Falcons shitting the proverbial bed this season I have been eagerly awaiting the draft since they lost to the lowly New York Jets on Monday Night back in September.  Of course I can't factor in trades that will be made between now and then so if this mock is even 10% correct it's a huge accomplishment.   It's basically on par with SEC "student"-athlete conference test grades.

1.  Houston Texans - The Texans need a quarterback.  In a quarterback driven league they currently don't have one.  Matt Schaub is done.  And the other what's his fucking name blows.   So it comes down to who the Texans with a new coach thinks is the best pro prospect behind center.  Most people think it's Teddy Bridgewater.  I don't think he's worth the risk.  Some others think the Texans take the ultimate risk and go Johnny Manziel.  Not going to happen unless they trade down.  I think when all the dust settles with the combines and scouting reports the pick will be....Fresno State QB Derek Carr.

2. St. Louis Rams - The Rams also need a QB but aren't going to draft one.  Why?  Because they still owe #1 bust Sam Bradford $30 million over the next two seasons.  They are going to ride it out with him.  They don't need defensive ends with Robert Quinn and Chris Long having solid seasons.  More than likely they will look to trade down.  They gotta protect Bradford so my guess with the pick is Texas A&M Jake Matthews.

3. Jax Jaguars - The Jags are taking a QB.  Louisville's Teddy Bridgewater makes the most sense.  I haven't been impressed with his play this season but then again his offensive line hasn't been helping him.  This is a BOOM or BUST pick.

4. Oakland Raiders - The Raiders also need a QB but won't take one.  They always take the shiniest toy in the box.  The toy this year is Jadaveon Clowney.  He may not play wideout but once Clowney gets all that bonus money he's likely to play left out with his non motor.

5. Cleveland Browns - Could we possible have 3 QBs taken in the top 5?  Yes.  The Browns don't have a star at the position and have been desperate to get one for the past 20 years.  Johnny Manziel will sell tickets but is too big of a wildcard to put the franchise shoulders on.  Instead they will go with Central Florida's Blake Bortles.  The only two things I know about Bortles is he somehow led UCF to a BCS Bowl and more importantly his girlfriend is smoking hot.

6. Atlanta Falcons - The Falcons are doing their best to fuck up a top pick by winning meaningless games but luckily the NFL is so devoid of star QBs it won't hurt them.  With Matt Ryan they don't need one so they get their shot at the third best non QB in the draft.  And if the dominoes fall correctly they get the best one in my opinion in UCLA LB Anthony Barr.  Barr is the next Von Miller and will be a superstar in Atlanta.

7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - The Bucs are bound to do something stupid here.  They aren't going to take a QB because the kid they got from NC State is doing a decent job.  So scratch Johnny Football.  Instead they will go with a receiver.  Clemson's Sammy Watkins is the pick.

8.  Minnesota Vikings - The Mr. Samantha Ponder experiment is over.  Now it's the Johnny Football show!  I can't wait to see what sort of hijinks Manziel gets into in Minnesota.  By the way I love this pick.  I think Manziel can succeed in the NFL.

9. Buffalo Bills - Buffalo still has a team?  I guess you learn something new every day.  The Bills need linemen to protect E.J. Manuel.  My guess is they take Alabama's Cyrus Kouandijo.  With the pick they will introduce a fun new drinking game in Buffalo called "say Cyrus what's his name" 5 straight times without slurring.

10. Tennessee Titans - The Titans need a QB but who do you take?  They can probably get a Tajh Boyd or Aaron Murray type in the 2-4th rounds.  Nobody worth taking a risk here.  So you gotta go with the sure thing.  Notre Dame's Louis Nix is the next great NFL defensive tackle.  Titans are lucky to get their hands on some Irish Chocolate.

11. New York Giants - The Giants need defensive help bad.  So you gotta go with the best talent here because they are deficient in all three levels.  Alabama's C.J. Mosley would be my pick.

12. Pittsburgh Steelers - Feels weird to say this but the Steelers have a lot of holes.  You might as well take the best talent.  I say they go Texas A&M WR Mike Evans.  Roethlisberger could use another target to make unwanted sexual advances with...I mean throw the ball to.

13.  New York Jets - The Jets could use a hybrid DE/OLB since their interior is really good.  Buffalo's Khalil Mack makes the most sense.

14.  St. Louis Rams - Even though the Rams took Jake Matthews with the #2 pick they go offensive tackle again and take Auburn's Greg Robinson.  The hope is one of them pans out.

15.  Detroit Lions - Would the Lions go wide receiver here again?  Not likely with Watkins and Evans off the board.  If they are available then I could see them getting a WR.  Instead they go with a local college product in Michigan State CB Darqueze Denard.

16.  Dallas Cowboys - The Cowboys defense is atrocious.  It's beyond repair right now.  Getting Sean Lee back will help and getting a decent corner would also help tremendously.  They take Oregon CB Ifo Ekpre-Olomu.

17.  Baltimore Ravens - Joe Flacco could use some more targets to throw to but Ozzie Newsome is never the type of GM to pass on the biggest talent.  This year it is Notre Dame defensive end Stephon Tuitt.

18.  San Diego Chargers - Staying on the West Coast is USC's Marqise Lee.  Philip Rivers needs more weapons and Lee should be at least a good #2 receiver his rookie season.

19.  Chicago Bears - I don't see the Bears letting Jay Cutler walk away in free agency.  They have never had a good QB so I don't see why they would let even a decent to good one like Cutler leave and start all over.  The Bears need defensive help.  They can't stop the run.  They also have the worst safeties in the NFL.  Alabama's Ha Ha Clinton-Dix has star potential and is the pick here.

20.  Green Bay Packers - The Packers would be wise to trade down if possible because one of their big needs is a tight end.  At 20 it's too high to take one especially since none of them are superstars but if they do take one at this position I would go with North Carolina's Eric Ebron.

21.  Miami Dolphins -  The Dolphins took a Michigan left tackle a few years ago in Jake Long and continue the tradition with Taylor Lewan.   Hopefully this one pans out for them.

22.  Philadelphia Eagles - Philly needs help in the secondary.  Unfortunately the best players are already gone.  Maybe Philly will be looking to trade up but if not we got to go with Ohio State's cornerback Bradley Roby.

23.  Cleveland Browns - The Browns got this pick from the Colts in the Trent Richardson trade.  With their first pick I had them taking QB Bortles so he will need some protection up front.  Baylor guard Cyril Richardson would be a perfect fit.

24.  Cincinnati Bengals -  They need more help at the outside linebacker position.  Clemson's OLB Vic Beasley should fit in nicely.

25.  New Orleans Saints -  The Saints have plenty of offensive weapons but could use some help on the defensive side of the ball.  Ohio State OLB Ryan Shazier has great instincts and a knack for finding the ball.

26.  Arizona Cardinals -  The Cardinals could take a gamble on a QB late here but I doubt they would take either one of Tajh Boyd or Aaron Murray this high.  Instead they go safe here and take an offensive lineman.  It's somewhat surprising he dropped this far but FSU's OT Cameron Erving could be a steal this late.

27.  Carolina  Panthers -  Cam needs weapons.  Steve Smith is old and Ted Ginn is just a punt returner.  FSU's Kelvin Benjamin has superstar potential if he can get rid of the butterfingers.

28.  Kansas City Chiefs - Chiefs are also looking for receivers.  Penn State's Allen Robinson seems to be the best left on the board at this point.

29.  New England Patriots - With Gronk down with a busted knee and Aaron Hernandez gone for life in jail the Patriots need another tight end for Tom Brady at the end of  his career.  Texas Tech's Jace Amaro should be declaring for the draft and would be a great fit in New England.

30.  San Francisco 49ers - They stick with the M.O and go with the best corner left with Oklahoma State CB Justin Gilbert.

31.  Denver Broncos -  They need a pass rusher at either DE or OLB.  At this point the best available is Missouri's DE Kony Ealy.

32.  Seattle Seahawks - Seattle needs help on both lines but in the end it comes to protecting your most valuable asset: Russell Wilson.  Notre Dame offensive tackle Zach Martin didn't allow a sack all season.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Jennifer Lawrence Can Play on My Team Any Day, Talks About Butt Plugs on Conan

Jennifer Lawrence might be the perfect girl.  She's cool, laid back, and isn't afraid to make fun of herself.  Plus she isn't too shabby on the eyes.  Oh yeah she's filthy rich too.  The American Hustle star also loves to talk about butt plugs on national television.  I think I'm in love.  You had me at "butt plug" Jennifer.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Barry Hinson Can Coach My Team Any Day, Goes on Epic Rant

 Barry Hinson is the head coach of Southern Illinois and went on a rant last night after losing to Murray State 73-65. You can see his frustration build as he calls his players "Mamma's Boys" and then calls his guards "Absolutely Awful" while pointing out his wife could hit more than 2 baskets with her pump fake. He basically said his wife is more of a man than his pussy players. I love this guy. I would love to play for Barry Hinson. He tells it like it is. In today's sports world you can't say shit like this. Honesty is not PC. Fuck that.

True story: last baseball season my team, the Brew Crew, were in the playoffs in a doubleheader when one of our best players in the first inning "pulled something." Mind you we only had about 10 guys there and it was probably around 94 degrees. The guy could still play but couldn't tell me, the coach, what exactly was wrong. So I told him to basically man up because it's the playoffs and we needed him. The guy quit. He packed his bags and said he couldn't play hurt and just walked off. Didn't even bother to take some Ibuprofen or anything or stay and watch his team play. He just fucking walked off. Pathetic. It's not like in baseball you have to be athletic all the time. Half the time you are sitting on the bench with a fat one in your lip. I would shudder to see how Hinson would react if he had that player on his team. Nuclear fall out for sure.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Just Your Typical Santa Claus Brawl In New York City

Nothing to see here folks. Just another beautiful night in New York City. It's like you can almost smell the despair. Or is that Jack Daniels and urine?

Monday, December 16, 2013

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Whatever Happened To Zane Smith?

Zane dapper.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

This Makes Perfect Sense: AJ McHandoff Honorable Mention ALL-SEC but Heisman Finalist

I am fully aware Bama QB AJ McCarron has no chance of winning the Heisman Trophy.   It's going to be Jameis Winston's in a landslide.  But what I don't understand is how McHandoff got an invite to New York City.  AJ didn't even earn 2nd team ALL-SEC honors.  That went to Georgia QB Aaron Murray.  1st team of course went to Johnny Manziel.  But yet McCarron gets an all expense trip to the Big Apple.  WTF?

Notable guys who were more deserving: Fresno State QB Derek Carr, Oregon's Marcus Mariota and Baylor's Bryce Petty.

Danica Patrick Seems Like a Wonderful Person To Be Around Who Can Take a Joke

Come on Danica Patrick.  Lighten up.  It's a fucking joke.  It's not like comedian Jay Mohr was making fun of one of your dead relatives.  He was making fun of your shitty driving.  And we all know women can't drive.  That's a fact.  Look it up.  So smile and go make me some pancakes.  Daddy is hungry.

P.S- Danica's boy toy is absolutely terrified of her.  You can see it in his eyes.  He's so afraid to crack a smile because he knows it will cost him in ways we can only imagine.

Friday, December 06, 2013

Teddy Bridgewater With The Play of the Day

This is one hell of a play by Louisville quarterback Teddy Bridgewater here last night vs Cincinnati.  Does this play help cement Bridgewater's status as the #1 pick in the draft?  The consensus among draft experts is Bridgewater will be the first quarterback taken.  The Houston Texans lost their 10th straight last night and now sit in the driver's seat for the #1 overall pick.  The Texans have long been infatuated with Aggies QB Johnny Manziel but before the season started they had no idea they were going to have the 1st pick.  Would you take Manziel #1 overall or would you bank your franchise future on Bridgewater?

Personally I would go Manziel.  I know he's a wild card off the field but eventually he has to grow up.  His upside is huge and with the exception of Jameis Winston I can't think of a better college QB to build my franchise around.  Plus his marketability would be huge in Houston where he is already a known commodity and he would definitely sell tickets and jerseys.  I'm not as impressed with Bridgewater's overall play this season.  Bridgewater, Jadeveon Clowney, and Stephon Tuitt all took step backs in their junior seasons in my opinion.  I thought all 3 of those players would dominate the college game but for the most part they have not lived up to the hype.  All 3 could and should be NFL stars if they stay healthy but their not locks like I thought they were before the season to be franchise difference players.

But the real question remains: Fantasy Football Who are you taking?  Johnny Football or Teddy Ballgame?

Thursday, December 05, 2013

This Iron Bowl 2013 Fake Radio Call Nails It

This radio call is about as real as AJ McCarron's relationship with that horse face who slaps on makeup that Brent Musberger is so infatuated with.  But the good thing about games like this are no matter how dramatic and entertaining they are it isn't life and death.  It's just a game between college boys in pads and helmets.  So don't take it so serious Bama fans.  It's not like another Bama fan would kill you for laughing it off.  Shit.  Never mind.  I guess she was a "die hard" fan.

Tuesday, December 03, 2013

Monday, December 02, 2013

Some Cyber Monday Deals On Shirts including Famous Jameis, Tailgate Like A Champion

We got some GREAT #CyberMonday deals at



USC Agrees To Contract With Steve Sarkasian

As a Notre Dame fan it was with much delight to hear USC has come to an agreement with PAC-12 retread Steve Sarkasian to be their new head coach.  Sarkasian had a 34-29 head coaching record at Washington where he took over a program that was in the shitter left by another PAC-12 retread in Tyrone Willingham.  Granted I have no idea if Sarkasian is a great hire or if he will eventually lead the Trojans back to BCS Bowl games but I'm sure as shit happy they didn't get a Chris Peterson, a James Franklin, a Kevin Sumlin, etc.  The only other hire that would have been worse is bringing back Ed Orgeron.

Congratulations USC.  You have hired more mediocrity.  Average on!

Sunday, December 01, 2013

Auburn and Alabama Fan Reactions To The 2013 Iron Bowl Kick Return

I could watch these all day.  The 2013 Iron Bowl was by far the most insane finish I have ever watched live.  I'm not even a fan of either team but I was jumping up and down when Auburn's Chris Davis returned the missed field goal 108 yards for the game winning score as time expired.  Insane.  Auburn is definitely destiny's child this college football season.