SportsCrack Blog

Thursday, May 31, 2012

EA Sports NCAA Football 13 Creators Have A Sick Sense Of Humor


Real fucking funny video game nerds.

Herschel Walker in an Auburn uniform.

Desmond asshat Howard in a Notre Dame uniform.

I consider myself to be a rationale, sensible fan with no big bouts of rage or violence when it comes to sports but all I saw was blood in my eyes when they showed Desmond sporting the Blue and Gold. Are you fucking kidding me?

Whoever decided to give this the go ahead must work for Curt Schilling because it's about the dumbest fucking idea I've ever heard of.

"Yeah haha wouldn't it be great to have Herschel playing on Auburn and Bo Jackson playing on Georgia?" I can pretty much guarantee no true college football fanatic would think it's either a great idea or even worth mentioning it without receiving a black eye.

Thank god almighty they didn't show Tim Brown wearing a Trojans uniform or I would have gone Columbine on the whole EA Sports "creative" team if you know what I mean. Sorry that is being a little harsh. I meant to say I would gouge out their nerdy little eyes and skull fuck the shit out of them. Ah. Much better. Moving on now. Let's just pretend this conversation never happened.

Matt Kemp aka The Bison Break Bats Over Knee, Back on Disabled List

You got to feel for the reigning NL MVP (not a misprint, he was the winner, not Braun) in just Matt Kemp's second game back from the disabled list he re-aggravated the same hamstring rounding the bases last night and went ballistic on a poor bat. I can't blame him. Lingering injuries like hamstrings are the worst. One time I got a paper cut and it took me a good 3-4 days before I could start typing like I wanted to before. And like Kemp I broke some lumber because of the frustration of having to type with my elbows. Granted the lumber was a thin #2 pencil but those things don't break as easily as one would think. It took me at least two karate chops and a couple of tears to break through the yellow ink that makes those damn pencils so hard to shatter. It's tough for athletes like myself and Kemp to sit on the sidelines for any period of time. Two peas in a pod you could say.

Support* us both while we recover with this great "The Bison" t-shirt available exclusively at

* = beer money

Video via The Big Lead

USC Changes motto from Fight On to Porn On

As you know I make fun of USC for a lot of things because A)they're Notre Dame's biggest rival and B)OJ Simpson was a Trojan and C)they can't sell out home games and D)my sister is currently an undergrad there but this new story that just "exploded all over our faces" about the Coliseum being the setting for a porno

I can not. Because seriously who doesn't enjoy porn?
The Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, home of the USC Trojans, was the setting for a porno movie in 2001. The publicly-owned stadium was used to film “The Gangbang Girl #32.” Shooting took place on one night. Scenes were filmed in a locker room, the Trojans’ tunnel and on the field.

“I was just in awe that we were at the Coliseum,” said a star of the film, who goes by the name Mr. Marcus. “I’ve made movies for about 20 years and I’ve done a lot of things, but that one really stands out.… I mean, who gets to have sex on the Coliseum floor?”

It’s not clear how the company, Anabalic Video, gained access to the stadium and had the lights turned on, though the stadium’s former general manager left the post in 2011 when he was indicted for receiving kickbacks in an unrelated corruption case.

I consider myself a porn expert and I thought they finished up the whole "The Gangbang Girl" series at #30. I had no idea they went up to Marcus Allen territory with old #32 on the same field Marcus tore up the Bruins back in the day. To think that Mr. Marcus was plowing some poor broad at the 50 while the other Marcus Allen was penetrating the defense on the same surface is not disturbing. It's fucking awesome.

NFL Shop And/Or Nike Misspells Aaron Rodgers' Name In Ad

Not a good start for Nike with the exclusive contract to the NFL. You expect some half ass company like SportsCrack to have some grammar mistakes in it because the owner is a drunk with a big heart (big because it's over bloated with whiskey) but you don't expect a huge multinational corporation like Nike to fuck up the spelling of the NFL's biggest star. Aaron "Rodgers" threw for 45 touchdowns and only 6 interceptions last year after winning the Super Bowl the year before. Aaron "Rogers" is some black dude in a Nike ad who just cost a couple of guys at the very least their job.

Via HotClicks via RantSports

I WANT SOME NASTY San Antonio Shirt

If you watched Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals you heard Coach Pop scream at his Spurs team "I WANT SOME NASTY!" Well Coach we are now giving it to you in t-shirt form. The I WANT SOME NASTY t-shirt is now available in sizes small through 3XL. Get your shirt today!