SportsCrack Blog

Tuesday, December 11, 2007


This is the first time where I have felt actually sorry for the people of Arkansas. How do you cheer for a guy who will leave at the drop of a hat from a job which he proclaimed just months earlier to be his dream job? And did I hear mooing in the background or is that just the universal form of communication in AR-Kansas?

I know a lot of people who hate Nick Saban for the shit he pulled on LSU and the Miami Dolphins but Petrino has to be the new #1 piece of lying shit on the planet. Seriously, why would any university want this guy leading young men into battle when he is such a fucking quitter? Just looking at him in that press conference smiling and acting like nothing is wrong with the way he left the Atlanta Falcons makes me want to bathe in vinegar.

I know Arthur Blank is a multi billionaire and obviously knows how to run a business but if he has any sense left in him he will start cleaning out the mess that is the Atlanta Falcon's front office. GM Rich McKay has made so many atrocious decisions in free agent signings and draft picks over the past few seasons I don't see how he can keep his job. McKay couldn't peel a fucking banana if he was a monkey. There is no reason for him to mess around in Atlanta anymore. Let him go do better things like run for baseball commissioner or be the bucket boy at a jack shack. Oh never mind, he would totally fuck those things up too.

Bobby the Snake Petrino just dumped the Falcons to take the head coaching job for the Arkansas Razorbacks. Another brilliant move by GM Rich McKay and owner Blank, Petrino should fit in perfectly with the Sabans and Meyers of the SEC. By fitting in I mean he is a cocksucking a-hole who likes his ass wiped in circles while being fed baby seal blubber.

Hopefully this was a worked out trade in which the Falcons get Darren McFadden in the NFL draft.

I just realized I haven't talked about hockey all season. Part of the reason is there has been nothing really exciting to talk about. My Thrashers have rebounded back to .500 hockey after a terrible start in which they fired their coach and replaced him with the GM. One of the Neidermeyers is coming back to Anaheim. The Detroit Red Wings are kicking ass in their filthy crime stricken shit hole of a city covered by dirty pee snow that reeks of manure and hooker spit.

But the real important reason to talk about the NHL is for the fans. It's the only sport outside of Nascar (haha..Nascar a sport, funny isn't it?) where you fit in sporting a mullet. Take for instance this wonderful inbred at a New York Islanders game...

Every Boy Scout in America just thought to themselves "is that my Troop leader?"
What are the odds he passed out in the concourse shortly after and urinated all over himself? I'm going to say the odds are good, maybe a 90% probability. By the way if you want to know what a Michigan Wolverine fan looks like then take another look. There is a reason why Les Miles is hesitant to take the job. Fear the Mullets!

VIDEO HT: WithLeather

I was one of the few people last night who actually watched the whole Monday Night debacle of a football game and I thought I was drunk or hallucinating when I heard Falcon's owner Arthur Blank say "fried chicken" in reference to Michael Vick. Apparently I heard it right...

Honestly I could think of a million jokes to say right now but I think I will keep my mouth shut. I'm not going to lie though, I have a serious craving for some watermelon right now. I always thought Blank looked like one of those dirty used car salesmen but after watching this he comes off worse in my mind. I'm sure Blank's statement was more of a Freudian slip of the tongue but you know deep down inside Blank really wants to just smack Vick with his $1000 lion skin glove across the face and tell him "to get the fuck out of here."

And what was up with Roddy White displaying a shirt underneath his jersey that displayed "Free Mike Vick." Free him from what? I guess his own stupidity because he lied to everybody including the federal government about his involvement with killing dogs. I know they are just backing up their former teammate but it kind of sickened me to realize that some people still don't think what he did was wrong.

I'm going to say it once more and that's it: Vick is a degenerate liar, a felon, and a puppy killer! He deserves to be in jail and even he realizes it now. So please stop backing up this piece of garbage saying he got a raw deal and pointing out how guys like O.J. and Jayson Williams got off for far more hideous crimes. Just because two jack asses got a free pass doesn't mean Vick deserves too.

VIDEO HT: AwfulAnnouncing

A man enters the hospital for a circumcision. When he comes to after the procedure, he’s perturbed to see several doctors standing around his bed.

“Son, there’s been a bit of a mix-up,” admits the surgeon. “I’m afraid there was an accident, and we were forced to perform a sex-change operation. You now have a vagina instead of a penis.”

“What!” gasps the patient. “You mean I’ll never experience another erection?”

“Oh, you might,” the surgeon reassures him. “Just not yours.”