SportsCrack Blog

Friday, January 30, 2009


Don't ya think?....

"Mommy, why are those balloons wrestling?"


Listen, I'm not going to go in a long rant about some female drivers because at the end of the rant I will look like a sexist, racist-like Ashton Kutcher bitching about his neighbors construction.

So instead I will let the video do the talking:

I literally laughed so hard when the lady flipped her car I started choking and coughing. Great stuff.

Video HT: Elizabeth


Notre Dame has a recent history of being burned pretty badly when it comes to football recruits making their college decision come signing day. I could go through the list but it just brings up bad memories of what if's and why not's. Charlie Weis and his staff have put in an all out effort to recruit Hawaii LB Manti Te'o who could conceviably step in and start right away for programs such as ND and USC. Te'o is a devout Mormon who surprisingly eliminated BYU last week and will now make his decision between ND, USC, and UCLA. Weis has personally visited Te'o for in-home visit a few weeks ago and this week defensive coordinator Corwin Brown and Brian Polian also made the long flight to Te'o's home to review the benefits of choosing Notre Dame.

The Fighting Irish even played in front of Te'o during the Hawaii Bowl and put on quite a show and apparently the word is that Te'o is interested in going on his own path and trying new things. In a perfect USC world Te'o would no doubt be theirs to have. They call him Baby Seau and he reminds people a lot of LB Rey Maualuga who will be a top 15 draft pick in this April's NFL draft. But I have a good feeling that Notre Dame will land the five star linebacker even after he takes his last official visit to USC this weekend.

At USC he would become just another linebacker but at Notre Dame he would become a legend if he lives up to his prep hype. Notre Dame has not had a dominant All-American linebacker since Michael Stonebreaker was getting in fights with Hurricanes. Don't even bring up Courtney Watson or Kory Minor's name. Yes, they were good. But not great. And Te'o has the ability and the attitude to be a great one. The fact that Notre Dame is still in the running for Te'o speaks volumes in the staff's recruiting ability. Te'o has made one official visit to Notre Dame and can you guess the game?

Syracuse. They lost to a fucking horrible Syracuse team in a game full of snow and bad weather and it was Te'o first experience in the snow. It was also his only experience to see the Notre Dame campus and take it in. Growing up in Hawaii the chances of you seeing snow are about the same as Charlie drinking a Diet Coke and losing to stinking Syracuse. So the fact that they still remain in contention only goes to show you how good the staff is at selling Notre Dame.

And that is why I think Notre Dame will get Te'o signature next Wednesday. Weis has gone above and beyond in his recruitment while nursing two torn knees. You can't tell me that doesn't factor in a recruit's mind when he sees a hurting, gimpy coach flying thousands of miles with two bum knees just so he can sell him on the Fighting Irish.

Te'o will be Irish. Mark it down.

Thursday, January 29, 2009


God have I missed Carl. The man basically got me through the NFL season last year with his upper arm hair and his dry witty humor. Carl for Aqua Force Teen Hunger whatever the fuck you want to call it should have his own show. Primetime on Fox. Right before American Idol. Let's make this happen.

Odds of it happening: 0.
Odds of Matt Leinart passing out drunk and wetting his pants at a Saturday night party before the big game: 50/50
Odds that I have done the same exact thing as Leinart: 100

Via WithLeather via AdultSwim


Forget Super Bowl 43, the real winner is the guy who got to videotape these two ladies body painting themselves. So who would you pick to win after watching this video? Personally I would go Steelers but the Cardinals make a hell of a case. The guy behind the camera sounds like the guy at the mall who comes up to talk to you, acts all friendly, tries to make conversation and then hits you up with the "So have you found Jesus Christ in your life?"

Video HT: FanDome


They don't get much prettier than this...

I haven't been talking much hockey this year because my Atlanta Thrashers are one of the worst teams in the NHL. Not just on the ice but off it. They should have fired GM Don Waddell years ago but somehow he still has a job even though the franchise has yet to win a single playoff game since he started the first roster from scratch back in 1999. He is a joke and should have been pushed out of the city as fast as Michael Vick was last year. But rant aside this is a nasty goal by Sidney Crosby past Lundquist of the Rangers. If Crosby was a Thrasher he would have been traded for Marian Hossa. Fuck!


Touch it to enlarge it. Tell me you haven't heard that before.

This picture was taken right outside of the new Busch Stadium in St. Louis. I think they are ready for some baseball. I'm getting in the spirit too as the Orioles and Braves have both made some good offseason moves recently and should be fun to watch at least for the first half of the season.

Picture HT: Deadspin

Tuesday, January 27, 2009


Make it no panties and I might have an outside shot of going back to New York City someday. Key words: no panties.


Talk about some mad elevation. He must have Jesus Christ on his side like Kurt Warner.

Monday, January 26, 2009


Houston's Aubrey Coleman is apparently not a big fan of Arizona's Chase Budinger as the video above clearly demonstrates. I've done my fair share of fucked up things in my life but I'm proud to admit I have never stepped on somebody's face intentionally. In fact it's never even crossed my mind. But if I was Budinger's face you can guarantee that Coleman would be leaving that court with some bruises at the least. Houston was up by 12 points at the time of Coleman's ejection in the second half. Arizona came back to win in overtime. Coleman should be suspended for the rest of the season.

Seeing this replay brought back memories of the gapping Duke vagina who went by the name of Christian Laettner stepping on the Kentucky player back in 1992. If you can't recall it then take a look at this video....

See, Laettner was a dick.

Video HT: WithLeather via The Dagger


This is what happens to you when your Canadian hippie ass tries to take a charge from a baller like Josh Smith. Take your socialized medical coverage and shove it.

Thursday, January 22, 2009


You decide who you would want taking the last shot for the win. Personally I would always take Michael Jordan but it's probably because I grew up watching him play and thinking he is the greatest ever to grace a basketball court. But Kobe does make a strong argument in this video.


One of the top prep safeties in the nation withdrew his long staying commitment to USC and appears to be heading to arch rival Notre Dame less than two weeks till signing day according to

"Yeah, I went ahead and decommitted today," said Moore. "I just felt USC wasn't the place I wanted to be and I want to look at some other options out of state. Right now it's pretty much Notre dame and LSU, with Notre Dame in the lead. I'll probably take a trip down to LSU next week.

"I kind of feel like I want to go to school out of state, see something new on my own, go somewhere I will get a good education and have an opportunity to play early."

Moore was asked what Seto's reaction to the news was?

"He was just real surprised and shocked," said Moore. "It was a real hard decision for me and I did it on my own. It was just me and Coach Seto in the room together, and I told him to his face that I felt USC wasn't the place for me, anymore."

Moore informed Coach Brian Polian from Notre Dame and Coach D.J. McCarthy from LSU earlier today that he was no longer committed to USC.

Note: Notre Dame and LSU are also two schools Moore's teammate, Sean Parker, has serious interest in.

Picking up Byron Moore would be absolutely huge for Notre Dame. They currently have a small class of less than 17 commitments that is ranked near 20th by Scout and Rivals and their only secondary defensive players in the class reside in offensive players who would need to switch positions once in South Bend. They lost Marlon Pollard recently to UCLA and it appears that current commitment Nyshier Oliver (currently projected to play WR but in my opinion has college safety written all over him) is suppose to visit Tennessee this weekend where he was previously committed before Phil Fulmer was on the hot seat. And if committed recruits like Oliver are visiting other campuses this late in the process it means 99% of the time they are not committed to signing to their current school of choice.

If Notre Dame can land Byron Moore along Manti Te'o and Jawanza Starling who both appear to be leaning towards Notre Dame at this point it would be tremendous in terms of adding speed and talent to a defense that desperately needs it. With less than two weeks left till signing day the gloves are off and the closers in recruiting will show their true colors. Charlie Weis and his staff's future in Notre Dame could very much depend on what recruits from California, Florida, and Hawaii decide to do on signing day.


Stafford and Moreno can't wait to tap the NFL.

Mel Kiper Jr, "draft guru," has his first 2009 NFL mock draft up now over at Of course you have to have an insider subscription which costs money to see past the first 15 picks which is beyond stupid. Fuck having to pay for somebody's pointless predictions. We all know only about 10% of his predictions will be right. So if you don't have a membership and want to hear my quick thoughts with no research on his pointless predictions well then you came to the right place. I would also love to hear some thoughts from the peanut gallery out there so feel free to comment away on your favorite team and/or player.

1 Detroit Matthew Stafford QB Georgia-Has all the physical skills to be a NFL QB but for the sake of his career I hope the Lions pass on him. But who knows, if Ryan and Flacco can succeed in their first year then why not Stafford?

2 St. Louis Andre Smith OT Alabama-I like this pick a lot for the Rams. Smith is a dominate left tackle and we all know picking Sanchez at this point would be a reach.

3 Kansas City Mark Sanchez QB USC-Dirty Sanchez! Kiper must really like him. Sanchez has the tools and KC needs a QB but this seems to be a huge stretch pick.

4 Seattle Michael Crabtree WR Texas Tech-The history of top 10 WR's taken is not good but Crabtree, like Calvin Johnson a couple of seasons ago, is too unique to pass up.

5 Cleveland Aaron Curry LB Wake Forest-Going to be honest here, I haven't seem much of Curry since Wake Forest football is outlawed on my television. If I'm going to watch shitty Saturday football I can only dedicate my time to Notre Dame.

6 Cincinnati Jason Smith OT Baylor-Again, no clue. Makes sense though that Cincy would take a player I or their fans have no idea about.

7 Oakland Jeremy Maclin WR Missouri-I have a man crush on Maclin so I like the pick. He is my Desean Jackson of this year.

8 Jacksonville Eugene Monroe OT Virginia-Great player who should step in and start right away.

9 Green Bay Malcolm Jenkins CB Ohio St.-The Packers do need corners but I would love to see them take a RB here with Knowshon and team him up with Ryan Grant.

10 San Francisco Aaron Maybin DE/OLB Penn St.-If Sanchez drops this far I think the 49ers will cut ties with Alex Smith and take him. Maybin is a good pick and would start right away.

11 Buffalo Brandon Pettigrew TE Oklahoma St.-Interesting pick here. You don't see tight ends taken this high besides Vernon Davis and that hasn't exactly worked out for the 49ers. I would take Chase Coffman but Pettigrew is apparently more impressive in workouts.

12 Denver B.J. Raji DT Boston College-Raji came out of nowhere this year and just dominated.

13 Washington Brian Orakpo DE Texas-Jason Taylor was a bust of a pickup so yeah, OSackpo would make sense here.

14 New Orleans Vontae Davis CB Illinois-Vernon's brother Vontae had an up and down season but I think he will be a good pro.

15 Houston Everette Brown DE Florida St.-FSU churns out the defensive stars so why not?

16 San Diego Knowshon Moreno RB Georgia-Very interesting pick here by Kiper. Knowshon would essentially push out Tomlinson. Both are very similar backs and I think Knowshon has a step on vagina lips LT.

17 New York Jets Percy Harvin WR Florida-Harvin is so dynamic but just couldn't stay healthy in college. 50/50 on this pick. Healthy Harvin equals great pick. Gimpy Harvin equals awful pick.

18 Chicago Tyson Jackson DE LSU-Jackson is overrated in my opinion. A product of his school.

19 Tampa Bay Josh Freeman QB Kansas St.-Get the fuck out of here! Freeman..seriously Kiper? Excuse me while I pick up my jaw.

20 Detroit (from Dallas) Rey Maualuga LB USC-This guy has future first round bomb all over him. Sure he lays some hits now and then but he also disappears for long periods of time. Why is that? Heart.

21 Philadelphia Chris "Beanie" Wells RB Ohio St.-Beanie would be a hell of a pickup for the Eagles but it looked like they had more pressing needs on their o-line this season.

22 Minnesota Hakeem Nicks WR North Carolina-Lot of WR's taken in the first round, makes you wonder. I like Nicks a lot and he would look good in purple.

23 New England Brian Cushing LB USC-Patriots took Mayo last year in the first round so I doubt they go Cushing here. A cornerback like D.J. Moore would make more sense.

24 Atlanta Larry English DE/OLB No. Illinois-The Falcons have obvious needs of tight end and anybody that can play defense. I have never heard of English. If they can get Chase Coffman later in the 2nd round then defense makes sense here.

25 Miami Darrius Heyward-Bey WR Maryland-They already have Ginn so why would they take Heyward-Bey? I like Heyward-Bey but their is no way Parcells is picking a WR with this pick.

26 Baltimore D.J. Moore CB Vanderbilt-Moore is a shutdown corner and surprisingly the Ravens don't have anymore. Great pick if he falls to them.

27 Indianapolis Peria Jerry DT Mississippi-Colts need a DT badly so this makes sense.

28 Philadelphia (from Carolina) Michael Oher OT Mississippi-Oher would be an absolute steal for the Eagles at this pick. He should be a top ten pick.

29 New York Giants James Laurinaitis LB Ohio St.-Some of the luster has fallen off the Little Animal but if he falls this far you got to think it's a pretty solid pickup for the Giants.

30 Tennessee Michael Johnson DE Georgia Tech-Having seen Johnson play a lot in person I think this would be a tremendous pick by the Titans. His physical attributes are off the charts and he reminds me a lot of Justin Tuck in college.

31 Arizona LeSean McCoy RB Pittsburgh-Makes sense with Edge close to retiring. McCoy could be a beast in the NFL like
Marshall Faulk was for the Rams playing in an offense that features Fitzgerald and Boldin.

32 Pittsburgh Alex Mack C California-Best center in the draft and we could see all season the Steelers need better protection for Ben Roethlisberger.




Boston Bruins goalie Tim Thomas summoned his inner Ray Lewis and took out Toronto Maple Leaf's Jason Blake on a breakaway attempt. Earlier in the game Blake had beaten Thomas for a goal and apparently Thomas figured if he couldn't stop him with his pad why not just take him out like the Ray Lewis does to runningbacks who dare enter his zone.

After seeing this highlight I think Thomas has a future for the Atlanta Falcons. The Falcons if you don't know already have an aging linebacker in Keith Brooking but unlike Ray Lewis he can't tackle and he really can't do shit besides pile jump. In fact he was personally responsible for the Falcons losing their playoff game against the Arizona Cardinals. Tim Thomas should take his spot. Get GM Thomas Dimitroff on the phone now. Screw the draft, they got themselves a new linebacker in Boston.

Video HT: FanIQ

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


I believe we have a new Grammy winner.


Mustaches everywhere will now mourn knowing one of their greatest heros besides Tom Selleck is not going to lace up the cleats anymore. Kent was not only a great second baseman who has a decent shot at Cooperstown but he also inspired millions of rednecks and guidos to grow out the prickly upper lip fuzz and display it with pride. Some guys were extremely jealous of his 70's porn stache and took it out on him. For instance Barry Bonds, who could never quite grow the proper black mustache, went after poor innocent Kent in the dugout when they were teammates in San Francisco. The envy Bond's displayed for Kent's stache was sad and yet Jeff came out looking like Clark Kent by standing up to the raging cow steroid body builder in Bonds and squashed him with his glorious follicles.

Kent would later inspire Lt. James Dangle and Junior to go into law enforcement...

You will be missed Jeffrey Franklin Kent. Well...maybe not you personally but your awesome mustache will go down in history. Today I will grow one out for you. You are a hero to mustaches everywhere.


There are two kinds of facials. One that is naughty which I can't show. And then there is the facial that Anderson University (South Carolina) guard Jarret Johnson, who is 6'3, puts on an opposing player in the open court. Facials are entertaining and usually destroy the self esteem of the person they are performed on except Ryan Seacrest. That tool has taken a ton of facials and still is chipper to this day.

Video HT: FanIQ

Tuesday, January 20, 2009


Video HT: FanIQ

Monday, January 19, 2009


As a diehard Orioles fan we have been given little to cheer about for the past decade or so but one of the players who continues to put a smile on my face is Nick Markakis. Nick the Stick is the type of player you can build a franchise around. His first 3 seasons in the Show have been impressive and you can see the progression in his game as his on base percentage continues to rise as quickly as his fanbase in Baltimore. And instead of him leaving in 3 years to go play for some other team the Orioles wrapped him up with a 6 year deal for $66 million.

Most of all this signing brings back hope for me that the Orioles are committed to building a winning franchise. With yesterday's trade for Felix Pie the O's now have a young outfield that has the potential to be one of the best in the majors for years to come. Pie will be 24 on Opening Day and was twice named the Chicago Cubs #1 prospect. He has the tools to be a great player in the American League. He will play left field next to budding superstar centerfielder Adam Jones who was acquired last year in the Erik Bedard trade. Jones has a very similar makeup to Eric Davis and at the age of 23 will just continue to get better. His defense is already great and worthy of consideration for a Gold Glove. And of course at the ripe old age of 25 is Markakis. Markakis lead all outfielders in assists with his accurate strong arm patrolling right field.

Markakis can now be the permanent face of the franchise as he will be playing the next six years in a young lineup that will also include the minor leagues #1 overall prospect in catcher Matt Wieters. Wieters is expected to have an Evan Longoria/Ryan Braun impact for Baltimore this season. They also have the holy trio of young starting power arms that scouts drool over in Jake Arrieta, Brian Matusz, and Chris Tillman all expected to make an impact in the next year or two.

This season has the potential to be a really horrible one for Baltimore with their lack of proven starting pitchers behind ace Jeremy Guthrie but the future looks bright especially with the Markakis extension. Throw in the facts that GM Andy MacPhail has upgraded international scouting and the farm system tremendously with an emphasis on young arms being developed the Orioles look like they could make a run in 2010 and beyond. They own the #5 overall pick in the 2009 MLB Draft and are projected to take another young arm in Aaron Crow who failed to sign with the Nationals last year as a top ten pick. The franchise should have another top 5 pick in 2010 also and with their commitment now to shell out the big bucks to draft picks they do take the best possible prospect on the board without the fear of not signing them.

Now all this has me leaning toward ordering the 2009 MLB package for $169 to watch the Orioles. Sure they will probably suck this year but the young guys will play and they will continue to get better. I just can't wait till the day when the Orioles beat the shit out of all those Yankees and Red Sox teams with their bandwagon fans. That will be a sweet day!


Wake Forest forward Chas McFarland got straight up body slammed by a Clemson student. Give that kid a cheerleading outfit. His school spirit is ferocious.


Now get off my lawn! Just kidding of course. Martin Luther King Jr. was a great American and stood for what was right and was not afraid to go against the norm. You have to admire a man with King's heart and his "I have a dream" speech still gives me goosebumps to this day.

But right now my dream is for this hangover to go away. Maybe a drink or ten would help. It's about consistency.


Former Notre Dame greats Bryant Young and Tim Grunhard are suppose to be announced as upcoming graduate assistants according to multiple internet sources. Young, a future NFL Hall of Famer for the San Francisco 49ers, was one of my favorite players back in the early 90's and always brought with him a tremendous work ethic to the game which hopefully will translate to his coaching abilities. The Fighting Irish have quite a few potential young superstars on the d-line including Ethan Johnson and Darius Fleming who could learn a lot from Young.

Grunhard will work with the offensive linemen and the NFL veteran was a badass center on the 1988 National Championship team. The Fighting Irish have three centers on their current roster including starter Dan Wenger and backups Braxton Cave and Mike Golic Jr. so I would presume they would get a lot of one-on-one instruction from Grunhard.

Young and Grunhard should also help with recruiting next season. It always a luxury to have coaches who are house hold names going into recruit's living rooms. With the firing of offensive line coach John Latina and defensive line coach Jappy Oliver this offseason it is apparent that Charlie Weis is coaching for his job in 2009. Young and Grunhard are welcomed additions back to the Notre Dame family and should be tremendous assets to Weis who can teach the players the proper techniques and fundamentals of line play. Hopefully they can also teach the players the proper strength conditioning so they can start pushing around teams instead of vice versa.

Pictures courtesy of


Sunday, January 18, 2009


EAGLES OVER CARDINALS-I have a rooting interest in this game and it lies on Donovan McNabb's right arm. McNabb has had to put up with so much shit from Philly fans and the media ever since he got drafted and he has handled it all with class and dignity. I want Donovan to get his Super Bowl ring and I believe guys like Brian Dawkins and Brian Westbrook will play huge roles in a tough win over the Cardinals. Philadelphia 24 Arizona 21

STEELERS OVER RAVENS-This hard hitting AFC North rivalry game will be the third edition this season. The Steelers won the first two thanks to an incredible defense that made Joe Flacco look like the rookie he is. The Ravens are coming off a hard fought win in Tennessee and haven't had an off week since the second week of the season. They are beat up and battered and the Steelers come in fresh and rolling after destroying the Chargers last week. I want the Ravens to win but I think the Steelers have the better team and if they don't turnover the ball they should be able to handle the Ravens especially if they stop their run game.
Pittsburgh 20 Baltimore 7

Friday, January 16, 2009


The Lakers still lost just like that girl in Colorado.


If you listen to the Howard Stern Show you should know all about It's a website designed to help adulterers meet other adulterers. Good family fun right? Well, not according to the NFL who not only rejected the commercial for the Super Bowl in two weeks but also said it could never air one during any of their NFL broadcasts.

It's great to know the NFL has their moral compass pointed in the right direction. That is until Michael Vick starts taking snaps in Oakland.


His name is Chesley Sullenberger and he was the pilot of US Airlines Flight 1549 who safely landed his plane into the Hudson River in New York after some crazy suicidal birds flew into the engines. The former US Air Force fighter pilot from California with over 40 years of flight experience goes by the name of "Sully" but in my book this guy should be named Hero and given a statue as big as the Statue of Liberty after saving all those people on board.

Sully, if you read this please note that I am flying out to Las Vegas next weekend and I would be honored to have you captain the flight. Actually I would be honored and thankful if you would captain every single flight for the rest of your life or mine.

Anyway, kudos to Sully and I'm serious about honoring this guy in New York. If you are going to honor douchebags cheaters like Danny Almonte and Jeffrey Maier you sure as hell better give this hero some recognition.

I will do a toast to you tonight Sully. This Newcastle is to you.


Obviously Pete Carroll is pissed at QB Mark Sanchez for leaving to pursue his dream of playing in the NFL because he knows with Sanchez next season they have a great shot at going undefeated. But why the crybaby routine Petey? Sanchez fulfilled his commitment to USC and himself by staying for four years and completing his degree. Yes, he could have come back for a 5th season and taken dancing classes like Matt Leinart did but we all saw what the spotlight did to Leinart during that final season. Leinart was projected to be the #1 pick in the draft going to San Francisco but instead decided to Fight On or as Reggie Bush would say Cheat On for one more season. He fell to the #10 pick and lost millions in the process.

Pete Carroll needs to show some class and congratulate Mark Sanchez for all that he has done for the program. Don't be a selfish prick and state that you didn't agree with his decision. Instead thank him for putting up with all the dead hookers you made him shove back under your desk during his freshman orientation. Sanchez made the right decision in my opinion and it's not because I'm a Notre Dame fan. Look at the quarterbacks coming out this year. Besides Matthew Stafford (If you want to see class look at the way Mark Richt handled Stafford and Knowshon leaving last week) there really isn't a quarterback coming out in this draft with top 10 potential. Sanchez does not have a lot of starts in his back pocket and so Stafford does have the upper hand in that department but NFL scouts tend to forget those things as soon as the combine starts. Sanchez could wow a lot of the NFL personnel especially a team as dumb as the Detroit Lions into taking him #1 overall. Next year he would have been competing with Sam Bradford, Colt McCoy, Tim Tebow, Zac Robinson and some other juniors such as a Jimmy Clausen for the #1 QB spot. Sure he could have beat them all out and been the #1 pick but he could also suffer a terrible injury and/or been overly scrutinized like Leinart and Brady Quinn were and drop in the draft.

The key to the draft is going in while you are hot. Sanchez had his best game of his career in destroying Penn State for four TDs in the Rose Bowl. Could you imagine if Mack Brown would have thrown a hissy fit over Vince Young deciding to leave instead of not coming back for his 5th season? The media, fans, and incoming recruits would have torn him up. But somehow Carroll will get a pass for this shit just like the whole Reggie Bush fiasco. The NCAA and the media will continue to lick and massage the filthy Trojans and Pete Carroll until their mouths are tainted cardinal and gold.

I won't be that person. Congratulations Mark Sanchez. You made the right decision for yourself.

Thursday, January 15, 2009


These are tough times we are living in right now with the economy going to shit, people's houses being foreclosed on and the porn industry suffering it's biggest downfall since bestiality started hitting the shelves back in the early 80's. So I figured I would tune up my resume and present it to those poor saps who work in cubicles that spend more time on Facebook than they do on a spread sheet while counting down the seconds till 5 pm.

As you can see my work experience and people skills are not exactly stellar for future employment of any kind besides mop boy at the local Sneak a Peek booth shop...

Okay, I know what you are thinking and yes, that is not me. But it points out my lazy habits to future employers. Instead of making my own video I merely rip one off of FunnyorDie and claim it as my own. In essence the video encapsulates everything about myself without having to actually put much effort into it. One of these days I might get a "desk" job and be as miserable as all of my other friends and family who had one or currently die in one today. But right now I want to keep this Sportscrack vehicle going till it explodes or till the Feds shut me down. So if you feel like reading my worthless babble please visit the Store Page and buy a t-shirt or a helmet or a banner or even an autographed baseball or football because not only will it make you feel better about yourself but you are also getting excellent deals at way below market value for all of those items. Most if not all of the items on our store page are 25% or more below what other stores sell them for at retail value.

I also wanted to add if you are looking for an individual item that we don't sell on our store page let me know and I can see what I can do to put that particular item on our store page. An example of a request we got in the past was a Joe Namath autographed Alabama mini helmet from a good customer of ours. I looked on-line for the item and saw that most places such as Steiner Sports sold it for as much as $500. In other words they are just ripping off people. I got them for half that price at $250.
The lady bought two of them. One for herself and one to sell on Ebay. Hey, you got to do what you got to do and I hold no qualms about it. So if you have any requests let me know. Email me at I promise I will get back to you within the next year.


If you don't live in California or Florida right now you are experiencing the chill of the winter. To be honest it's cold as fuck in 85% of this country and we need something to warm us up especially with the doldrums of football ending soon. The Reef Girls feel our pain and do their best to warm us up in all the right spots.


Wednesday, January 14, 2009


-It looks like Frank Wren took my rant to heart last week. Facing the fallout over the failures to land either Peavy or Burnett and then letting Smoltzie leave to Boston it became apparent that the Atlanta Braves long offseason had become a nightmare. But in the last couple of days they have reached agreements with free agent Derek Lowe and Kenshin Kawakami. Lowe is a #1 starter and in my opinion is a great signing. Sure the Braves overpaid for him and would have been better off signing him to a 3 year contract instead of the 4 years at $60 million they wound up giving him but Lowe was a must get for the Braves pitching staff. He is good for 200 plus innings and the guy gets ground balls with his incredible sinker. Lowe's sinker is one of the hardest pitches to hit and also one of the hardest to lay off. It literally drops off the table about 6 inches from the plate making a hitter look like he was auditioning for a Cirque Du Soleil play. Plus the guy has a sweaty mullet which should be a hit in Atlanta.

Kawakami is another Japanese pitcher who I honestly haven't seen much of besides the Youtube stuff. He is the first Japanese born player to ever play for the Braves and scouts claim he can be a good 3 or 4 starter for the Braves. Of course the Braves overpaid for him too giving him a 3 year deal worth $24 million but it was essential to land a former MVP of his league as his stuff is not overpowering but his cutter and curve are graded out above average. Here is some Youtube video of him and his delivery brings back memories of David Cone...

So with the additions of starters Lowe, Kawakami and yes, even Vasquez stat nerd the Braves and Frank Wren in particular have answered the call when it comes to adding quality arms to a struggling pitching staff. Right now this is what I would predict Bobby Cox's 2009 rotation will look like:
1. Derek Lowe-Big postseason pitcher and a proven winner.
2. Javier Vasquez-Innings eater who should benefit from switch to NL.
3. Jair Jurrjens-Had a great rookie season and should continue to progress.
4. Kenshin Kawakami-Will win a ton of games as the 4th starter.
5. Tommy Hanson-I think the kid has a great spring and forces the Braves to put him into the rotation.

I still don't think the Braves can win the division with what they got but if they can add an outfield bat (Bobby Abreu or Jermaine Dye would be great additions to what looks like on paper as being the Major's worst outfield right now) they could be a good sleeper pick to at least contend for the Wild Card. It's going to depend on the pitching staff staying healthy and hitters like Francoeur and Kotchman maturing and matching up to their potential.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


Rickey Henderson was officially elected to the Hall of Fame yesterday after receiving 96% of the votes in his first year of eligibility. There is no doubt that Rickey is the greatest leadoff hitter of all time and whatever voters out there who didn't vote for him should not be allowed to cast one in the future. In fact I would recommend castration because you don't deserve to fuck anything the rest of your lives if you want to fuck Rickey like that. And we all know that Rickey didn't mess around when it came to the game on the diamond. The guy talked the talk and literally walked the walk for his entire career. Henderson was one of my favorite players growing up because he stole a ton of bases. I considered myself a pretty excellent thief king myself when it came to bases during my Little League days at Wills Park and I would mimic Rickey's crouch and the way he held his batting gloves in his hands while taking huge leadoffs to get that extra base. Between Griffey's stance, Mussina's delivery, and Rickey's leadoff and steals I would say I tried to copy all of them. With that being said I don't even come close to Jimmy Rollins. He does a dead on impersonation.

By the way if you like baseball you need to check out the MLB Network. It's all baseball 24/7 and the productions so far seems to be good. And as of this moment they don't completely focus on just those two Northeast teams like ESPN does.

Sunday, January 11, 2009


Ray Lewis and the Baltimore Ravens will face the Pittsburgh Steelers next week in the AFC Championship after Lewis helped lead the Ravens to a tough, defensive win over the Titans yesterday. On this play it looked like Lewis was ready to pull out the knife and take out the Titan tight end but instead decided to go for his head. The man is still alive. Those guys in Atlanta...not so much.

Saturday, January 10, 2009


Smack that Harvin!

Thursday, January 08, 2009


I literally started crying when Fox put the camera on this robust Boomer Sooner band member while the Gators celebrated. The pain, anguish and grief in those eyes was so priceless I just couldn't help myself and I uncontrollably burst out in laughter so hard that tears were inevitable. Congratulations go to the Florida Gators for capturing their second National Championship in 3 years.

The Mormons in Utah are crying too. Undefeated and yet no chance to even play for a National Championship. Here is to the loyal Utes out there. You guys deserve better and in my book you are Champions.


The Florida Gaytors are bigger, stronger, and a hell of a lot faster than the Boomer Sooners and play great in BCS bowl games. The Sooners have the Heisman curse on their shoulders as Sam Bradford will be getting hit plenty of times tonight. It remains obvious to most readers of this blog that I don't like the Gaytors. Living in Georgia you have to go with the home state team but I have some buddies who claim they are die hard Georgia fans. In fact some of them actually attended the school. So why in the hell are they rooting for the Gaytors tonight?

I never got the notion of rooting for a team in your conference to win because you think it will make your conference look better. Georgia fans should hate anything wearing jorts with striped royal and orange running down the sides and should never root for an arch rival to win. It just doesn't make any sense. If Florida wins it only helps them and not the SEC conference as a whole. Florida gets more exposure and gains more recruits from winning this game then Georgia ever will.

It would be like me rooting for USC or the Yankees to win just because it will make my favorite teams look better. Fuck that. You never root for the enemy. And any Georgia fan who reads this blog and disagrees with me should just leave now because I hate you already. Traitor.

Anyways, the Gaytors have a shitload of speed. In fact they got more speed than a young Artie Lange. They will be running through, over, and pass the poor Sooners all night. Hell, Florida is playing tonight in their home state in front of a ton of blue chip daddy recruits in the Miami area. They will be impressive and nobody will stop Tim Tebow.

Prediction: Florida 49 Oklahoma 27

Tomorrow the arguments will start about USC, Utah, and Texas deserving more of a shot at Florida instead of Oklahoma.

Also feel free to buy a GAYTORS OR OKLAHOMO shirt if you dislike either team. Actually, stop being lazy and just visit our STORE and buy a shitload of stuff to help boost the economy called my pocket change.


Click here for the story. If they can bailout the auto industry why not porn? The average male probably watches more porn than he uses his car.


Can you say Don Flamenco?

Sheldon Souray made Ohlund look like his Mini Me dog. Watching this pathetic excuse of a NHL fight brought back memories of Mike Tyson's punchout with cheat codes...

NHL Fight Video HT: FanIQ


BC, Boston College, Backup College or whatever the hell you want to call them fired head football coach Jeff Jagodzinski for interviewing with the New York Jets. Athletic Director Gene DeFilippo called it the hardest day of his 12 year tenure but I beg to differ. The hardest day will be the cold hard reality that Boston College is not anybody's dream job nor will it ever be. DeFilippo needs to realize this and firing Jags for interviewing for NFL head coaching jobs is not necessary.

Jagoneoffski led BC to back-to-back ACC Title game losses in his only two seasons in Chestnut Hill after replacing Tom O'brien. His two year record of 20-8 is 8 games better than Charlie Weis at Notre Dame during the same period whom he beat twice and yet Weis still has a job. I can only imagine this will hurt BC in the long run trying to find replacement coaches when knowing that the BC job is nothing but a stepping stone for a better and more lucrative coaching job elsewhere. Talk to O'brien and Tom Coughlin when you get the chance DeFilippo.


-Caught in the mess of the whole John Smoltz leaving Atlanta to go play for the Sux I forgot to mention that my other favorite team, the Baltimore Orioles, have agreed to a contract with Japanese pitcher Koji Uehara. Koji will be the #2 starter for the Orioles behind Jeremy Guthrie because the Orioles lack in proven starters but I think this is an excellent signing. The 33 year old has dominated MLB All-Stars in the past and throws strikes and rarely walks people. If you watched the Orioles pitching last year the one thing they couldn't do was throw strikes. I'm hearing the contract is guaranteed $10 million with incentives that could bring it up to $16 million. This is an excellent value for a guy like Uehara whom most major league hitters haven't seen and should be pretty successful his first season in Baltimore. He has a nasty forkball that dips in to right hand hitters and away from left handed hitters and his career strike out to walk ratio is an outstanding 7 to 1. He is the first Japanese player signed by the Orioles (last team in the AL East to do it) and it should help open up the doors for the O's in the Asian market. Of course I could come up with some Japanese jokes right now but since we have a Jap pitching for us now I don't think it would be appropriate for me to say I hope he screams Bonsai as soon as he unleashes a fastball into Mark Teixeira's neck. Here is some video of Uehara making fools of MLB stars like Barry Bonds and Jason Giambi...

-In other depressing news for a veteran ballplayer who will look weird in a different uniform comes the Trevor Hoffman signing in Milwaukee. Hells Bells will now go from sunny and beautiful San Diego to the harsh climate and bitter cold of Milwaukee. This is an excellent signing for the Brewers because Hoffman converted 30 of 34 saves last year for the Padres and despite losing Sabathia and Sheets they still have a chance to compete for the Wild Card. Still, it won't seem right to see Hoffman in any other uniform but the Padres. Besides Tony Gwynn I consider Hoffman the greatest Padre and he is a sure thing for the Hall of Fame.

-The Red Sox signed Rocco Baldelli. The guy has all the talent in the world but he can't stay healthy. He won't be asked to play everyday in Boston and is looked at as more of a luxury bench player in the way the Smoltz signing come about. Baldelli has played less than a 160 games combined the last 3 seasons but he grew up a Red Sox fan and took little money from what I hear for a one year contract with the chance to prove himself. At only 27 years old he could still develop into a steal for the Red Sox.

-The Atlanta Braves have turned their attention to free agent pitcher Derek Lowe. I could get excited about this but then I remembered the Braves have pretty much swung and missed all offseason trying to acquire more talent and Lowe and his agent are probably just using the Braves to get more money out of the Mets or some other team where he will eventually sign. How did the Braves become the laughingstock of baseball so fast? Oh yeah, Frank Fucking Wren. He managed to fuck the Orioles and now he figured why not throw another dagger into my emotions and go to the Braves and totally screw them for a few years.


It's one thing to get rejected by Dwight Howard or Josh Smith but it is a whole other thing to get rejected by the rim like Houston Rocket's Von Wafer did yesterday. Hey, I'm not going to lie and say I wouldn't screw up the dunk because right now I would get rejected easily by an 8 foot rim but this cat is in the NBA. Shouldn't he know his limits? Maybe he should just go to church leagues like I do and claim I'm just really big and bald for an 11 year old. I had a growth spurt at 10 sister. God made me this way father. Why won't you accept me for who I am?

Video HT: FanIQ


The city of Atlanta, actually make it the Southeast region of the United States, will be in mourning today as the word spreads that John Smoltz will be pitching for the Boston Red Sox next season. The 8 time All Star and lifelong Brave will leave Atlanta after 20 years of an unbelievable career to pitch in Fenway Park. It just doesn't seem right but apparently the Red Sox offered him a contract he couldn't refuse. I don't know who to blame. I'm sad, angry, and frustrated right now. Smoltz should never have to wear another uniform besides the one with the tomahawk on it. Smoltz is the Atlanta Braves. The guy is at the end of his career but...ummm...I think I'm going to go throw up now. When did loyalty become taboo?

Have fun with those Chowderheads Smoltzie...

The next person that needs to leave the Braves is GM Frank Wren. I'm sorry but the guy is a fucking idiot and has no idea how to put together a successful team. I tried reaching Wren for comment on Smoltz leaving but apparently he was too busy. Word is he is on the phone with the New York Mets working a trade of Chipper in exchange for a Turner Field Stadium of empty seats, tears and broken promises. I haven't felt this duped since Bill Gates introduced Windows 98...

Wednesday, January 07, 2009


The dog goes by the name of Ann Arbor. What a whore!

Image HT: Barstool Sports

Tuesday, January 06, 2009



I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, 'You must be single.'

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said, 'Yes you are correct. But how on earth did you know that?'

The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.'

Joke HT: Kevin



The Sweatervest is giving Mack Brown the stiff Buckeye as he loses yet another BCS game. This makes it 6 straight BCS bowl losses for the Big Ten conference. Yeah, they suck.

Even Big Ten commissioner Jim Delaney admits the Big Ten is just not good after watching the Rose Bowl:

You look at it and ask: Did the players play hard, and were they prepared?" Delany asked. "Yes and yes. You know what? SC's a better football team. In all of the [bowl] games I've watched, I'm seeing us get beat by better teams.

"Then you say: Why is that? I don't have a great answer other than to say that these things tend to be cyclical."

No quotes were necessary after last night's Fiesta Bowl(DVD available here). The Big Ten still sucks.

Image HT: Deadspin


With the exception of the Spankees dishing out over $400 million for 3 players the MLB Hot Stove has been luke warm so far. That is until yesterday.

The Tampa Bay Rays got great value for free agent left fielder and now full-time DH Pat Burrell by signing him to a two year, $16 million contract. Burrell is an excellent fit in the Rays lineup and while he may not be the hitter that say a Mark Teixeira is you can not argue at $8 mil a season he is an incredible value signing and can put up similar numbers while being paid about $15 million less a season than that mercenary douche bag up in New York. Burrell has averaged over 30 home runs and 100 RBI's in his career and he should be able to drive in a ton of runs with upcoming superstars Evan Longoria and B.J. Upton due for breakout seasons and Carl Crawford and Carlos Pena being rock solid in a lineup that will now rival anybody in the American League. A lot of people want to assert that the Rays will be one year wonders with the mighty Red Sox and Yankees restoring hierarchy order this season but they are dead wrong. With the signing of Burrell to compliment the offense and the Rays already possessing a starting pitching rotation that is the deepest and most talented in the majors they should be the favorite to win the AL East in my opinion.

On the opposite side of a great value for a free agent signing is the apparent 3 year, $30 million dollar contract the Chicago Cubs dished out to get the walking nutcase that is Milton Bradley. I will agree that Bradley is a good player when he plays but the guy can't stay healthy and even gets injured when he is arguing with umpires. He clearly has anger management issues and I can only imagine how he will react when he gets taunted by the drunks in Wrigley. Actually, now that I think about it this could be the most entertaining story of the offseason. Bradley doesn't take criticism well and I can already see him exploding on Lou Piniella when sweet Lou so as much whispers to the media that he is disappointed in Bradley not giving a 100%. The Cubs are clearly the most talented team in the NL Central and should be the favorite to win the division this year but I think Bradley is going to be nothing but a distraction. If he can keep his mouth shut and stay healthy then it's a great signing but his history points to the opposite. Have fun Cubs fans.

The A's are reportedly close to bringing back Jason Giambi on a one year contract for just a little over $5 million. Giambi is old (37) but is still capable of hitting 25 plus home runs even off the juice and can drive in runs and get on base plenty of times with walks. The addition of Matt Holiday and Giambi this offseason adds a ton of punch to the middle of a rather pedestrian A's lineup. This signing won't make them the favorite to win the AL West but it does get them closer to the Angels and with some additional signings and/or trades they could overtake them this season.

The dominos should start to fall in place for other free agents like Adam Dunn, Garrett Anderson, Rocco Baldelli, Bobby Abreu, Manny Ramirez, Ben Sheets, Derek Lowe and others. We still have another 6 weeks till pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training but the players and agents for that matter should be getting antsy to get something done. With every day passed the market and value in a potential contract goes down.

When a man needs a blowjob, he NEEDS a blowjob!

Okay, I am not a big fan of copying and pasting from a website, but I'm going to have to do it this morning. I used to work for TNT many moons ago, and Sir Charles didn't disappoint on the set or during the breaks. The guy is a giant beast of a firecracker, and is a super friendly guy. I thought this story was great! It just goes to show you that a man will do just about anything to get some good head!
The following was taken from-

"DECEMBER 31--Following his arrest earlier today for drunk driving, Charles Barkley told Arizona cops that he ran a stop sign because he was in a hurry to pick up a girl who had "given him a 'blow job' one week earlier," which the former NBA star described as "the best one he had ever had in his life." According to a Gilbert Police Department report, a copy of which you'll find here, police asked Barkley where he was going at the time of the 1:26 AM traffic stop in Scottsdale. "You want the truth? I was gonna drive around the corner and get a blow job," answered Barkley, who is pictured in the below mug shot. A cooperative Barkley also joked with a civilian police employee that, "I'll tattoo your name on my ass" if it would get him out of the DUI charge. Barkley, 45, was busted after failing field sobriety tests, and had blood drawn so investigators could establish his alcohol content. Barkley was cited for a misdemeanor charge and released at the scene, thus avoiding a trip to the Maricopa County jail. Barkley, now a basketball commentator on TNT, was elected to the NBA Hall of Fame in 2006. His 16-year career included an MVP award and a spot on the 1992 U.S. Olympic basketball squad, the so-called Dream Team that captured the gold medal. He has several prior arrests, including a 1997 aggravated battery bust and a 1991 assault collar."

Monday, January 05, 2009


Subject: Ann Arbor
From: *&
Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2009 5:58 pm
"Ann Arbor is a Whore"? Don't expect any Wolverine fans to buy any merchandise from you.

I love these type of emails because it gives me comfort to know that yes, no stinking Wolverine fan will ever buy merchandise from me. I don't think I would have it any other way. And with DickRod now roaming the sidelines in Ann Arbor I wouldn't expect too many people buying Michigan merchandise in the near future. Oh well, I guess I should feel kind of bad since I did sell a few Michigan helmets before Christmas. Nah!

UPDATE: Here is a picture from this year's ND-scUM matchup from a big fan of whomever plays Michigan...

He got laid multiple times from St. Mary's school girls after this picture was taken. The power of the Ann Arbor is a Whore shirt is known to cause an insatiable desire in women.


Yet another bowl game without any BCS Title implications but plenty of conference bragging rights at stake. As we know the Ohio State University has struggled to put it mildly in the past two BCS Championship games against SEC teams but this year they get the benefit of being a big traditional power and put into the Fiesta Bowl although they don't deserve it. They got crushed two years ago in the desert by Florida but before that they had won 4 straight games in the "Fiesta" Bowl. They come in looking to prove they belong in a BCS Bowl game and that the Big Ten isn't as slow and pathetic as most of the pundits think. One of those pundits being me.

The Texas Longhorns come in with a chip on their shoulder after being bypassed by Oklahoma for the Big 12 Title game and the BCS Title game. They want to prove they deserve to be considered the best team out of the Big 12 and in some people's minds a win against Ohio State would stamp a National Championship season. Not in the polls or trophy but in their burnt orange hearts. After seeing Mizzou struggle with Northwestern and Oklahoma State and Texas Tech play little to no defense in bowl losses this game will go along way in proving just how worthy the Big 12 was in getting the unofficial claim as toughest conference in the nation this year. If Texas comes out and lays an egg with Ohio State blowing them out and then Oklahoma gets throttled by Florida like I think they will on Thursday then all those ridiculous numbers that the QB's put up this year in the Big 12 will look artificial.

But tonight I don't think Texas will lose. The Longhorns have speed and playmakers on both sides of the ball and they will look to harass and cause Buckeye freshman QB Terrelle Pryor to throw some costly interceptions. The Buckeyes will either win closely or lose badly depending on Pryor's performance tonight. If he can just manage the game like Joe Flacco did yesterday for the Ravens and not have any turnovers and let their veteran defense do the talking then they have a good chance. But I don't see a freshman QB in the big game doing that. Pryor will be a stud but he is bound to make some mistakes tonight.

On the other hand Texas QB Colt McCoy is going against his toughest defense of the year. The Buckeyes will be blitzing nonstop and will do their best to keep McCoy in the pocket. If McCoy manages to get out of the pocket with space then the Buckeyes will be in for a long night. His receivers including his tight end are underrated and can stretch the field. Texas will go vertical early and often. The Buckeyes will look to establish a ground game behind elite RB Beanie Wells who is more than likely playing in his last game for the Scarlet and Gray. I think Wells will put up over 80 yards on the ground but it won't be enough.

Texas wins in the desert behind a brilliant performance from Colt McCoy.

Texas Longhorns 35
Ohio State Buckeyes 20


I think this goes without saying but maybe all women could take this advice to heart and revise their New Year's resolution to become the good wife. I wonder what John McCain would think of "The Good Wife" video. Let's take a look...


First off I wanted to state that I thought all 4 road teams would win this week. Unfortunately I was wrong and it further proves why I stopped betting this football season. The first game I watched was the Atlanta-Arizona clash at the University of BS Stadium in Glendale. I almost popped a blood vessel at all the bad calls going against the Falcons. Literally the refs were giving the Cardinals reach arounds the whole game. Don't believe me well then take a look...

The Cardinals were consistently offsides and because of this they got a lot of pressure on Matt Ryan and stuffed Michael Turner all day. I believe the refs only threw one flag for offsides all day and the Cardinals took advantage of two big plays and two big turnovers to win their first home playoff game since...oh shit...ever! They get the luxury of traveling to Carolina this weekend where they will be killed.

I see Tomlinson pulled his annual Vagina clap injury and stood on the sidelines as his backup Darren Sproles helped lead the Chargers to an improbable upset victory over the Indianapolis Colts. Sproles who if he borrowed high heels from LT's locker would be maybe 5'7 had over 300 all-purpose yards and the little guy proved he has more heart and grit than LT has on one of his stained thongs. People will now claim Peyton Manning is a choke artist in the playoffs after once again winning a regular season MVP and then pulling lame with a losing effort in the playoffs. I would not argue with it. Besides the year they won the Super Bowl thanks to Rex Grossman wearing the opposing uniform Manning has been very average come playoff time. The Chargers now advance to face the Steelers in Pittsburgh and have a good chance of upsetting them if they manage to keep Philip Rivers uniform somewhat stain free from a relentless defense.

The Ravens looked like the dominant team in the matchup with the Dolphins and forced Miami into 5 turnovers. Chad Pennington had Ed Reed on speed dial all day as the best defensive player in the game had two INT's while returning one for a TD. The Raven's defense will need to be on lockdown again as they travel to Tennessee to face a Titans team that will put a lot more pressure on rookie QB Joe Flacco. As long as Flacco doesn't turnover the ball then I expect the Ravens to win.

Donovan McNabb, Brian Westbrook, and Brian Dawkins came up with huge playoff performances once again as the Eagles beat the Vikings to advance to a NFC East showdown in East Rutherford. I think who ever wins the Eagles-Giants game will advance to the Super Bowl to represent the NFC, or as Sean Kennedy calls it the Triple A of football.

Friday, January 02, 2009


And I think I like it. Yes, she is disgusting and she was doing a New Year's Eve Show with Anderson Cooper on CNN but you have to give her a hand for this smackdown she gave on live air...