SportsCrack Blog

Friday, March 23, 2012

Satan and Jesus Discuss Peyton Manning

"I got Rex Ryan's soul for a Little Debbie Cupcake!" that is fucking priceless.

Alabama Face Guy Hits Up Los Angeles

The Man...The Myth...The Alabama Face Guy.

Is it just me or do all males from Alabama talk with a southern lisp? It's almost as if instead of circumcision they decide to sting the boys with yellow jackets on their tongue as a rite of passage.

Hornets Jason Smith is on the Saints Payroll, takes out Blake Griffin

I've never heard of this Jason Smith fellow before this clip but next time he decides to take out Blake Griffin I would recommend wrapping up. Shoulder tackles are so fucking Pop Warner it's not even funny.

Of course leave it up to the people of New Orleans to give Smith a standing ovation for the cheap shot. How anybody ever felt good for that fucking city when the Saints won a Super Bowl clearly had the DNA of Satan himself.

If you look closely you can see Sean Payton slipping Smith an envelope of cash as he left the court.

Joba Chamberlain Dislocates His Dignity

As if the Yankees didn't have enough shit to deal with when it comes to Joba Chamberlain and his expanding waistline now they have to grapple with a serious ankle injury from get this: playing with his son on a trampoline. What an asshole this Joba guy is! I mean if you are going to have a significant ankle injury as GM Brian Cashman calls it you might as well do it in the Mickey Mantle noble way of hitting a base awkwardly or slipping in a drunken haze while trying to stuff a 10 spot in Ginger's garter at Scores.

When reached for comment on the seriousness of his ankle injury while still battling his way back in rehab from Tommy John surgery last season Joba was his typical aloof self...

Kim Kardashian's Coke Dealer Has Parkinsons

I mean look at that blow just everywhere. This is why when you're in Hollywood you get a coke dealer who doesn't go to treatment centers with Michael J Fox. Columbian bam bam fucking everywhere.

By the way this has to be some kind of fake publicity stunt right? She gets bombed right on the red carpet, goes in the back, and comes out look brand new and fresh. Only cyborgs and Joan Rivers are capable of shit that fast.