SportsCrack Blog

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Lingerie Football Is Now Officially More Entertaining Than The NFL

See this is what happens when you start letting women out of the kitchen.  They start to do crazy things like vote, drive, get upper management jobs and now they are coming for you NFL.  The No Fun League better watch their ass because the Lingerie League has some bad women ready to fight to the death.  I would like to see Ray Rice lay his hands on one of these girls.  Actually Roger Goodell would probably reduce his suspension if that happened.

USC Cornerback Josh Shaw Is A Hero, Oh Wait, No He's Not

Remember the old catchphrase "You Can't Spell Trojans without O.J" well it looks like captain Josh Shaw is taking one out of the old Simpson playbook and is caught in a lie about saving a family member.  On Sunday night news broke that returning senior Shaw was hurt because he had to jump off a balcony to save his 7-year-old nephew from drowning.  In the process of spraining both ankles news outlets across the nation including USC's own athletic department were quick to point out that Shaw was a hero for his deed and even had quotes from Shaw saying he would have done it for anybody.  Well the problem now is the story is not true and now it's being reported Shaw is a suspect in a burglary in which he allegedly got hurt.  USC doing USC things.  I feel bad for new head coach Steve Sarkisian.  No wait.  I actually do not.  Good luck with this cloud hanging over the program.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Michigan State's New Football Facilities Look Incredible

Just a year after coming off their best season in 40 plus years Michigan State revealed to the public their new football facilities which will hopefully keep them near the top in the Big Ten.

 The new locker room looks cozy...

Today was MSU’s turn to show off a sparkling athletics facility, a $24.5 million, 50,000-square-foot renovation to the north end zone of Spartan Stadium anchored by a plush, spacious home locker room. The 15-month project was under way long before the Spartans won last season’s Rose Bowl, though that on-field success likely served to encourage donors.

It may not put MSU out front of that portion of the never-ending college sports “arms race,” but it eliminates the last glaring weak spot in MSU’s facilities roster — a decades-old locker room that was “an embarrassment,” MSU deputy athletic director Greg Ianni said.

Now if only we can find the secret trap door for Mark Dantonio's hidden stash of hookers for the incoming recruits.  My guess is the National Championship Trophy sets off the hidden door.  The good thing is none of the current Spartans will enjoy touching it.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Notre Dame and Under Armour Reveal the New 2014 Shamrock Series Jersey and Helmet

The official Under Armour jersey for the Notre Dame Shamrock Series has been revealed and it should appeal to the masses.  It's specifically based upon the Golden Dome that sits in the middle of campus is the iconic symbol of Notre Dame.  They look sharp and it's a good thing they are playing Purdue in the game and not Navy because we would have a ton of confused spectators including myself.

I love the helmet!  I've always wanted to see the interlocking ND on the gold helmets.  The texture of the Golden Dome incorporated in the helmet is a good touch.

What do you think about the new jerseys and helmet?

If you are interested in buying one of the 2014 Shamrock Series authentic on the field helmets or mini 2014 Shamrock Series helmets please contact me at for more information.

Johnny Manziel Gives the Redskins Bench The Old One Finger Salute

Real mature Johnny Football.  Real mature.

Honestly I don't know what to make of Manziel giving the Washington Redskins sideline the middle finger last night during Monday Night Football.  I mean did he honestly think the cameras wouldn't see it?  He can't be that stupid can he?  Which leads me to believe this was a premeditated finger.  He played like dog shit last night when he had the chance to lock down the starter's job because Brian Hoyer was fucking horrific too and he let the Redskins get to him.  Rookie move bro.  Gotta be smarter.  The only place your digit should be going to is road beef and under your center's ass.  Not to the whole world to see on Monday Night Football.  This is completely out of character for Manziel too.  If anything from the last two years we have learned Manziel is a very humble, down to earth hard worker who just wants his privacy while listening to his head coach on how to become a better leader.

Monday, August 18, 2014

Jordan Carver Has a New Treadmill Workout Video

I didn't understand a damn word she said but like I said before she isn't paid to be heard from.  Jordan Carver has God given natural ability and talent and it's our duty to watch and pay attention to this athletic goddess work out.  Let me ask you would you rather see Jordan do lunges or talk about Lebron James doing the ALS ice bucket challenge?

Yeah that's what I thought.

Keep doing you Jordan.

Friday, August 15, 2014

C'Mon Man: Cris Carter Whiffs on his ALS Ice Bucket Challenge

But hey he totally got Chris Berman right in the kisser.

This FSU Girl Wants To Rape Jameis Winston

God bless FSU for cheering me up on this shitty Friday.  While the proverbial shit is hitting the fan up in South Bend in which 4 Notre Dame players are getting suspended for banging a student advisor in exchange for doing their homework we have the always clean cut Semenholes showing their class.  Love it.  Do you FSU.  Do you.

Awesome "dicksclaimer" by the way.  I might have to start putting those on my shirts.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

In Least Surprising News Notre Dame Head Coach Brian Kelly Names Everett Golson the Starting Quarterback

Via Irish Illustrated's Pete Sampson...

  Brian Kelly announced on Wednesday afternoon that Everett Golson will start for Notre Dame against Rice. 

 The head coach told the staff on Tuesday night and informed Golson and Malik Zaire on Wednesday morning. Kelly added that it's unlikely Zaire will play this season in any kind of packages this season a la Andrew Hendrix and that if he gets time it will be because of either injury or Notre Dame being so far ahead that they can play reserves.

Golson as you know led Notre Dame to an undefeated 12-0 regular season before a humbling defeat in the National Title game vs Alabama during his one and only collegiate season in 2012.  Coming off academic suspension Golson has gained 15 pounds of muscle while also working on his mechanics and footwork with noted QB guru George Whitfield in California.  By all accounts Golson appears to be a more refined product who should be able to put up Heisman Trophy worthy numbers in Brian Kelly's offense now that they have the weapons and system in place to do so.

Prediction: Golson has a tremendous season leading the Fighting Irish to a 10-2 regular season record and a major bowl victory.

Oregon Releases Their "Color Schedule" For Their Fans

I have no idea but do other schools do this?  This should be mandated for all schools.  It drives me crazy to see Notre Dame Stadium filled with a mixture of navy, gold, and green instead of just whatever color the student body is wearing.  With this kind of before season planning on what color the fans should wear on that particular Game Day it causes little if no confusion.  Every program should follow the Oregon Ducks way.

Pirates Edinson Volquez Makes A Sick Back Handed Stab

Prepare the fucking jolly roger!  Yes it was a blind grab but who gives a shit.  This play by Edinson Volquez deserves a slow golf clap.

Friday, August 08, 2014

Supermodel Chrissy Teigen Got Shit Bombed Before Throwing Out the Dodgers First Pitch

Despite being absolutely shit canned and having newborn giraffe leg balance supermodel Chrissy Teigen still threw a decent first pitch at Dodgers Stadium.  Teigen looks and acts like the girl who just wants everyone to think she is just one of the guys.  This is cute and all till you realize she's being paid to be seen, not heard.  I've never quite seen the appeal of Chrissy but hey at least she can hum it better than 50 Cent from the bump.

Bama Rides a Two Game Losing Streak into 2014

I think we all need to give Bama fans a dose of reality before they think they are a legit top 5 team this season.

A) You lost your two biggest games of the season to end the season.

B)  You got fucking destroyed by Oklahoma in the bowl game.

C)  You lost your best QB in 30 plus seasons to graduation in AJ McHandoff

D)  You fucking hired Lane Kiffin to be your OC which is on scale with giving Superman an IV of kryptonite

E)  The offensive line is in shambles

F)  Your vaunted defense while playing a Mickey Mouse schedule only managed 17 sacks last season

G)  Did I mention you hired Lane Kiffin who single handily tried his best to destroy USC football?

In other words temper your expectations Bama fans.  You got talent but it's unproven.  Granted you play another cupcake schedule with only two real tests in LSU and Auburn but don't think because you start October off undefeated that you have a legit shot at the college football playoffs this season.  It's just plain dumb.  Never go full retard Bama.  Never.

Wednesday, August 06, 2014

Jordan Carver Can Do 200 Squats

Jordan Carver looks like a good wholesome shy chick who just wants to show her fans that even with her chest deformities you can persevere in this sometimes cruel world.  Jordan keep doing your 200 squats.  You are an inspiration!

Pictures of Bama Fans Running To Get Nick Saban's Autograph is Both Funny and Equally Embarrassing

Last Sunday was Alabama Fan Day at Bryant-Denny Stadium and as you can see these Bammers wanted to meet their God in flesh who goes by the name of head coach Nick Saban.  I haven't seen smiles like that since they realized it was only their cousin and not their sister they made out with after Bama's thrilling BCS victory two years ago.  "But Maw she's not my sister she be only my first cousin. paw said it was OK!"

Bama fans are simple minded kind of folk.  Cousins and Saban are the gifts that just keep on giving.  Roll Tide!

This SEC Network Commercial for Texas A&M is Extremely Uncomfortable

Look I love dogs as much as any other guy but I don't talk about them like they're my girlfriend.  I was waiting for Reveille to be shown in some doggy lingerie on his caretaker's bed when he said "she's the only woman in my life right now."  Dude I get it that you love your dog but put away the peanut butter Aggie and go talk to some real women.  Over/Under on this guy offing himself after this commercial airs nationwide has to be a month at the most right?  As much as I love dogs and college football this commercial just made me feel like I was "forced" to watch some strange Mexican snuff film.

UGA Freshman Nick Chubb Has the Blocking Technique Down, Lays Out FullBack

My gawd, he's only a freshman too.  Everybody in SEC Country wants to talk about Todd Gurley and Leonard Fournette and for good reason but Nick Chubb to me will make the greatest impact this season.  He's a fucking freak of nature.  He's Chubb Strong.  My gawd, only a freshman.  I got money on Chubb going for over 1200 yards this season.  Granted he is in Athens now and about half of his teammates will be suspended before kickoff vs Clemson.

Video via Dr. Saturday via BULLDAWG ILLUSTRATED

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