SportsCrack Blog

Saturday, April 23, 2016

Yasiel Puig Just Gave me a Baseball Boner with This Missile Throw

310 feet through the air. 310 fucking feet. Are you kidding me? Yasiel Puig just made one of the best throws I've ever seen getting Rockies Trevor Story out at 3rd base from deep right center. Puig's throw basically hit 3rd base so Justin Turner didn't have to move his glove. Who says baseball isn't exciting? You try to throw a pisser like that.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

David Shaw Throws a Verbal Haymaker at the SEC Conference, Calls Southerners Not Good Enough for Stanford

You know I've always thought of Stanford's head coach David Shaw as a bit of a douche prick and this quote pretty much confirms it.  One part of me loves the complete honesty especially in today's BS PC culture where you got to walk on eggshells not to offend anybody.  But Shaw is basically calling Southerners, one of which I am, idiots who couldn't get into Stanford.  Well yeah.  I can't get into Stanford.  Fuck.  He's right.  Fuck you Shaw.

By the way imagine if a white coach said this?  The media would tear his ass apart.  Like if Brian Kelly said this he would be called a racist asshole.  But since Shaw said it they kind of just sweep it under the rug and say "well he's got a point."

6 and O's

With Crush Davis's 3-run blast to dead center off Red Sox closer Craig Kimbrel the Orioles sit atop the standings with a Baltimore franchise record 6-0 start.

If you recall many if not all of the "experts" predicted the Orioles to finish dead last in the AL East.  The same squad who since 2012 has the best record in the American League.  The same team who returned basically everybody with the best coach in the senior league in Buck Showalter.  But yeah those "experts" seem to know what they are talking about when they predict the Orioles to win 69 games.

I almost feel bad for all the baseball sabermetrics nerds who continue to shit on the Orioles.  They strike out too much they say.  They don't have high OBPs.  They don't have good WHIPs and blah blah blah.  Who gives a shit is what I say.  Their whole lineup can hit the 3-run homer as witnessed yesterday in Boston as Mark Trumbo and Davis hit them vs the Red Sox's high priced acquisitions in David Price and Kimbrel.

I'm not saying the Orioles are going to run away with the division since we are only in the first week of the season.  It would be downright foolish to think the Yankees, Sox, Rays and Blue Jays won't eventually catch up to the high flying Charm City Bashers.  But anyone who thought the Orioles would shit the bed this season because of sabermetrics simply needs to shut the fuck up and stop talking about baseball.  Or better yet watch a fucking game you nerds.

Monday, April 11, 2016

2016 CFB Defensive Player Breakout Candidate: ND MLB Nyles Morgan

For whatever reasons we didn't see a whole lot of middle linebacker Nyles Morgan last year. In 2016 Morgan will be starting and looking to make a major impact as Joe Schmidt's replacement. Not only will he make an impact but I think he's going to be the breakout star on the defensive side of the ball for the Fighting Irish.

The knock on Morgan (which I believe have been exaggerated) has been his inability to line up the defense. The middle linebacker is the "quarterback of the defense" and in defensive coordinator Brian Van Gorder complicated defense with numerous assignments and alignments the MLB is responsible for Morgan was seen as not nearly as advanced as the slower and less athletic Schmidt.  This will change in 2016 as from all reports Morgan has been the best overall defensive player on the field this spring.

While I'm not ready to establish #5 as the next Manti Te'o/Jaylon Smith I'm extremely excited to see what Morgan can do with a defense that struggled a lot in 2015.  Morgan was a much hyped 4 star recruit who was seen as an instant impact type player.  Two years into his collegiate career and it's been hard to tell if Morgan would ever live up to his lofty prep ranking.

This year watch out for #5.  Not only will he lead the team in tackles but I see him contending for All-American honors.

I Just Found the Perfect Johnny Football Hat

Describes Johnny Manziel's NFL career perfectly.  Full on PO-TA-TO.

When Catfishing in a Kayak You Should Beware of Gators

No lie I would have shit my pants right there.  Alligators are basically dinosaurs and have been on the Earth a lot longer than humans.  And there is a reason for that.  They are nasty, eat shit and anything else in or near water which could also be you and your son trying to catfish.  So no thank you.  I will not be catfishing anytime in a fucking kayak with my kid as some monster gator lines me up on some chicken bait.  Call me old fashion.  Call me a pussy.  Whatever.  I'd rather be wearing gator boots than playing tummy sticks with his intestines.

Chicago Cubs Reveal Their New Clubhouse and It Does Not Suck

No more horse troughs for the players to piss in.  Wrigley Field's clubhouse looks more like a swanky night club than an actual locker room.  I'm sure there is a secret door where Dexter Fowler and Jason Heyward hide their hookers.  Why else would they sign with the Cubbies?  Wait you didn't really think they went to Chicago to win the World Series did you?

UCLA QB Josh Rosen Tees Off Wearing a Fuck Trump Hat

Interesting stance from UCLA QB Josh Rosen and no, I'm not talking about his golf stance.  I'm sure his coach Jim Mora Jr. is going to be thrilled to answer questions about this especially considering Mora is such a media friendly personality.  Now it's up to Donald Trump to fire back because we all know how thin skinned he is.  A "Make UCLA Great Again" doesn't work because UCLA has always sucked at football.  Maybe a "You know I've seen a lot of losers in my life but Josh Rosen might be the biggest" proclamation from Trump would suffice.  The shots have been fired.  Your call Donald.

P.S - Shit I just noticed this picture was taken on Trump's course.  So not only did Rosen or some UCLA booster dish out $200 for him to play golf but then he wears a classy "Fuck Trump" hat on the course.  This should help Rosen out immensely when entering the NFL draft in two years.
Via BarStoolSports

The Germans do it right with this Banned Sprite Commercial

I can't see why this Sprite commercial would be banned.  Other than the fact the Germans must be racist and put a lemon lime Sprite in there instead of a dark Coca-Cola.  Yeah that must be it.  It always comes down to race.


American Media 2016

I would love to see the reactions if this played during a Super Bowl or the Masters.  Could you imagine the fallout?  I'm pretty sure the country would rumble so much that California and Florida would break off.  Hmm.  Maybe not such a bad idea after all.

Kobe Bryant and Michael B. Jordan's Apple TV Commercial is a Slam Dunk

Usually I hate these type of commercials.  When the comedy between an athlete and an actor pitching a product seems forced it comes off as a complete Kobe Bryant in his retirment year airball.  But this Apple TV commercial with Michael B. Jordan was a vintage Kobe 81-point performance in his prime.  Just hitting everything from beyond the arc to the mid range jumper and on to the free throw line.  Kobe can't miss.  And if father time has anything to say about Kobe it's a mind fuck that his face still looks young but his game sure as hell doesn't because his body is a wreck.

By the way Jordan has to be the brightest young actor in the game right now right?  I just watched Creed last week and he nailed the role as Appolo's son.  He was incredible on television in two of my favorite shows The Wire and Friday Night Lights where he played characters who tugged on the heart strings.  Now Jordan should be getting some great roles in movies with the success of Creed.  I guess an Apple TV commercial with Kobe is just another step in the career arc of Jordan.  I think he's got the acting chops to pull off some Leonardo Dicaprio roles in the near future.

Back to Kobe.  Hard to believe his last game is this Wednesday.  He is the same age as me (yes I'm old as shit) and now he is hanging it up.  It seems like a blur to me (granted my college years, roaring 20's and now staggering 30's have flashed by quicker than Johnny Manziel's NFL career).  It just seems like yesterday that Kobe and Shaq were winning titles left and right in LA.  Now it's all over.  Kobe has to be a top 10 player of all-time.  He's not as good as the real Michael Jordan but he's not that far off.  He may be top 5.  Shit I don't follow the NBA as much as I used to but I still know Kobe in his prime was pretty much unstoppable.

Anyways farewell Kobe.  It's been a journey.  Enjoy retirement.  And please for the love of God stay out of Colorado.

Wednesday, April 06, 2016

This MASTERS Hype Video is all the rage

A tradition unlike any other....