SportsCrack Blog

Tuesday, December 29, 2009


Awful Announcing has this video from the Little Caesar's Bowl (PIZZA PIZZA!!!) of one of the worst announcers to ever speak into a mic in ESPN's Pam Ward basically telling Marshall's Vinny Curry to stop being a pussy and get off the field. How does this butch have a job at ESPN? She is fucking terrible. I'm not even being sexist here, Pam Ward is a disgrace to sports announcing. She doesn't know the players and she has little knowledge of the actual game of football. And yet ESPN continues to mock their audience by putting her on air. I could understand if they want her on the WNBA games or Spelling Bees or whatever fucking show nobody watches but please stop putting her on college football games. It's almost as embarrassing as the whole college football bowl system.

Go to your room Pam Ward.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009


Seriously, this might be one of the dumbest play calls I have ever seen. I didn't watch the game last night because I was too busy watching one of the shittiest movies I have ever seen called "The Happening" by M. Night Never Going to Make a Movie Worth a Shit Lamadamadingdong. The only reason I looked the play up was because they were mentioning it today on sports talk radio. Has head coach Jim Zorn just mailed it in or what? I feel bad for the punter, Hunter Smith, because you know you are going to get absolutely killed. Washington PD should charge Zorn with involuntary manslaughter for calling this bullshit.

I think a "Deadskins" shirt is in order soon. Growing up the Redskins were in the upper echelon of NFL franchises but have disappeared much like the Raiders. It's sad because the Redskins have a passionate fanbase who deserve better.


Joel Sherman of the NY Post confirms this deal between the Atlanta Braves and the New York Yankees via his Twitter account:

so the trade is vazquez and boone logan to #Yankees for melky cabrera, mike dunn and arodys vizcaino, that is now confirmed by Post

Fuck you Frank Wren! Seriously, you just traded your best pitcher in Javier Vasquez (Vasquez could have won 23 games easily last year if the Braves had any offense) for Melky Cabrera and 2 guys I have never heard of. Cabrera blows. If you are going to trade for a hitter why not try to get Nick Swisher Wren? Holy shit this trade is beyond dumb.

The Braves have been trying to unload starting pitcher Derek Lowe this offseason because of his ridiculous contract that Wren gave him last year ($60 mil for 4 years at the age of 36) and instead of getting rid of that albatross they trade a guy who finished 4th in the Cy Young voting to the mother fucking Yankees! Jesus Christ, what does it take to be a GM today? An ability to scratch your ass and just randomly pick up a phone and make dipshit moves? Wren is the same guy who gave Tim Hudson (whom I love by the way) a 3 year contract extension this offseason at the age of 34 coming off of Tommy John surgery. Brilliant!

The Braves need hitters in the worse way but Melky is not the answer. He is "24" years old which translates to 29/30 in real years and is overweight and overrated. The Braves, I mean Wren, better have something in the works because this trade just made you significantly worse while it gave the Yankees another solid starter and made the defending champions a better ball club today.

Free agent OFers Matt Holliday and Jason Bay are still out there Wren and all they will cost you is money. You better sign one of them or I will be at Turner Field with pitchfork and torch blazing ready to kick your sorry ass out of Atlanta. Do us all a favor and just go away. Now.

Meanwhile the Braves front office is rejoicing today. Take a look...

Monday, December 21, 2009


Those poor saps of USC, when will they ever learn? First you had the cheating scandal of Reggie Bush and now Joe McKnight and then today they have big floppies coming out of their drug houses. Sad. Pathetic. Cheat On!

Friday, December 18, 2009


Just another one of those die hard Cowboy fans who can't break away from the exciting entertainment that is December losing. It's an annual tradition with Tony Romo at QB. You know it's been over 4700 days since the Cowboys last celebrated a playoff victory? Clearly this guy was trying to honor the occasion by finishing off his nachos on top of a trash can. Keepin' it classy with the spilled beer on the floor too.

Video HT: HotClicks


BARENUCKS.COM has this playfully gay video of Lebron James giving Allen Iverson a whole bunch of his junk for everyone to see on the jumbotron. By gay I mean happy. Who wouldn't want some guys sweaty balls in their face while they are stretching before a pointless NBA game? Not this guy.


I know I am late with getting this out but I just set up the 2nd annual Bowl Pick Em Contest. As always it's free to play and with the bowl games starting tomorrow you need to get in your picks asap. I know, it's my fault. Laziness is a disease you know?

If you played the regular season Pick Em Contest you should be receiving an email today on how to join the league. If not go to and join this league: Sportscrack Bowl Pick Em Contest There is no password so don't you worry about it.

Good luck and email me if you have any questions!

Matt Fairchild

Thursday, December 17, 2009


You still have time to get the perfect present in time for Christmas. Sorry, Denise Milani is not available. But what is available are some great SportsCrack Tees that make people stop and notice and ask "Where did you get that shirt?"

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


I think I'm in love with this guy. Nick Kroll is hilarious as Ruxin on "The League" and knocks it out with the Jersey guy audition. How is this guy not in movies yet? Just make him the sidekick in a new comedy flick and I guarantee he will steal the movie. Do it Hollywood. Put down the blow and get it fucking done. Nick Kroll for big budget mainstream movies.


This video is NSFW. Shit, this whole blog is NSFW but you still come back during work hours don't ya? Sinners all of ya! Check it out...

"I'm Tiger Woods...sometimes I just go to Big Lots, pick up the biggest girl I can find, get her to call a dog the N word before I cu..." haha...I mean wow, that's bad.

Saturday, December 12, 2009


The Big Lead has video of John Wall dunking over Indiana with his left. So far Wall is living up to the enormous hype he had coming out of high school. This kid could definitely lead first year coach John Calipari and Kentucky to a National Championship with his one and done year. Of course Kansas fans laugh at this thought and for good reason since they are the deepest and most talented team in the country right now. That would be a hell of a final game: UK vs KU: Clash of the Diaper Dandies!


Hands down the most dominant and most outstanding player in college football this year was Nebraska defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh. A lot of people want to talk about Texas Colt McCoy, Stanford's Toby Gerhart, and Alabama's Mark Ingram for good reasons but when you look at the complete season you can not argue who was the most outstanding in every single game he played. Suh aka House Of Spears was so dominant that FanIQ took a look at his defensive stats this year and compared it to the top defensive line units for Texas, Florida and Alabama combined.

Alabama D-Line
98 Tkl, 23.5 TFL, 9.5 Sk, 20 QBH, 5 PBU, 0 Int, 1 FF, 3 Blk

Florida D-Line
112 Tkl, 33 TFL, 14 Sk, 48 QBH, 5 PBU, 0 Int, 1 FF, 0 Blk

Texas D-Line
116 Tkl, 25.5 TFL, 15.5 Sk, 10 QBH, 7 PBU, 0 Int, 2 FF, 0 Blk

Ndamukong Suh
82 Tkl, 23 TFL, 12 Sk, 24 QBH, 10 PBU, 1 Int, 1 FF, 3 Blk

Suh as an individual almost matches those entire team's defensive line units in terms of stats. Simply putting it he can't be stopped and he alone deserves to win the Heisman Trophy tonight.


Who do I think they will get the "Hypes"man tonight? Colt McCoy even though he isn't a top 5 QB in college football. If anybody wins it other than Suh it would be a damn shame.

Friday, December 11, 2009


The Great Wall has stormed into the college hoops scene and taken over as a true freshman. You've seen him take over games on ESPN and he has already become a legend in Lexington so we figured he was owed a shirt in his honor. On the front of the shirt it says "The Great Wall". On the back it says "Balls to the Wall" with the number 11 underneath it.

Be sure to grab these up quickly. Makes a great Christmas present for your favorite hoops fanatic.

Thursday, December 10, 2009


Shipping will start next week and they should get to you in plenty of time for Christmas. Order yours now since we will be doing a limited run of these before the 2010 season starts. Email me if you are interested in hoodies.

Go Irish!


Fast forward to the 1:20 mark of the video...

I'm starting to believe that Tiger Woods has pretty much dipped his wood into every single breathing woman on the face of the earth. My wife is now avoiding me. Porn star, which translates to any person who bangs on camera and gets paid because let's be honest they aren't exactly stars, Holly Sampson revealed on May 26th that among the actual celebrities she has banged includes none other than Kevin Costner, Steven Dorff, and our favorite degenerate Tiger. This has now gone beyond Kobe Bryant status for Tiger. His marriage has to be over. No self respecting woman would put up with this much "transgressions" unless her name was Hillary.

Video HT: WWTDD via SportsByBrooks

Wednesday, December 09, 2009


But I think they are growing on me. Who the hell would bet their buddies on a Saints/Redskins game that if the Saints won they could shoot his 60 inch tv? Well, take a look at rednecks gone wild...

Can someone please explain what "Who dey!" means in the comment section. I'm too lazy and educated to go look it up on that there interweb. I'm pretty sure those were assault rifles they were using. Good to know Bambi doesn't have a chance in the Bayou.


I always knew the fist pump had some sexual innuendo.



You know this is exactly how I thought it went down. Elin puts on a little weight, skin starts to darken a bit losing her Swedish appeal and it forces Tiger to be a chubby chaser. Elin could put up with the good looking NY club girls and Las Vegas strippers but she isn't about to get beat out by a whale. Good for her!



This was just too funny not to post...

Video HT: HotClicks

Tuesday, December 08, 2009


Gammons is leaving ESPN to pursue other things like sucking off Derek Jeter while he fondles Dustin Pedroia's balls according to the

Said Norby Williamson, ESPN executive vice president, production: "As a print journalist moving to television, Peter was a pioneer who became a Hall of Famer. His contributions to ESPN will never be forgotten. We're sad to see Peter go, but understand his desire for new challenges and a less demanding schedule."

Said Gammons: “My decision to leave ESPN and move on at this point in my life has been conflicted. I owe a great deal of my professional life to ESPN, having spent more than half of my 40 years in journalism working for the network, and the choice to move on was made with nothing but the strongest feelings for the people with whom I worked. ESPN gave me a great deal more than I gave it, and will always be a huge part of who I am."

Good riddance. Now maybe I will start watching ESPN's baseball coverage again. Nah. Why Gammons is a Hall of Famer blows my mind! The guy hasn't had a major scoop in the last 20 years yet everyone listens to his opinion like it actually means something. His analysis and predictions are so fucking bad you would think somebody would call him out for the stuttering, spitting idiot he has always been. He once said Bobby fucking Crosby would be the MVP. He told us that Kelly Johnson is going to be the next great Braves hitter. He never broke a steroid story in baseball because he had his head to far up Roger Clemen's ass to actually smell the dripping leakage of cheating.

I don't get why this guy was ever loved by people. He sucked at his job. If only all of us could be so lucky to go lick the player's association manbags for 20 years and not break anything actually factual or without bias and get paid to do it. Only in America can a guy like Gammons exist.

Be sure to leave your number on Andy Pettitte's nightstand before you leave Gammons. I wouldn't expect anything less.


Brian Kelly, who in 3 seasons at Cincinnati has led the Bearcats to a record of 34-6 with two BCS game berths (despite Cincy only have one 10 win season in their history before Kelly's arrival), will be the new head coach at the University of Notre Dame. The announcement is expected to come as soon as Wednesday or perhaps Thursday of this week after Kelly tells his Bearcat players he is leaving for Notre Dame.

First off this is a tremendous hire. Kelly is a proven winner who has over 19 years of head coaching experience at the collegiate level. In all 3 of his previous stops before Notre Dame he has made perennial losing programs into winners. Starting off with Grand Valley State in 1991, he took a little known collegiate II program and made them National Champs twice while being named the AFCA Division II Coach of the Year in 2002 and 2003. In his 13 seasons at Grand Valley State he led them to an overall record of 118-35-2 and his offenses scored regularly over 50 points a game.

He left to accept the Central Michigan head coaching job in 2004 and quickly turned around a program that had only won more than 3 games once in the previous 4 seasons before Kelly arrived. In 2006 he led the Chippawas to 9-4 record including a MAC Championship and a Motor City Bowl invite. He did not coach in the bowl game because he accepted the Cincinnati job.

And all he has done at Cincinnati is win and win big. His defenses are routinely ranked in the top 25 in scoring defense and sacks while his offenses are ranked in the top 10. This despite having limited talent (the highest rank recruiting class for Cincy is around the 60's in the nation) Kelly knows how to get the most out of his players. Currently Cincinnati is 12-0 with their second Big East Championship in a row and are 1 second away from playing Alabama for the BCS Championship. Simply putting it the guy has a resume that only Urban Meyer can compare it with when he left Utah for Florida 5 years ago. Kelly is a winner.

With the losses of Golden Tate and Jimmy Clausen early to the NFL Kelly will have his work cut out for him. Backup QB Dayne Crist is coming off ACL surgery and is expected to miss most if not all of spring practice. Two incoming freshmen, Andrew Hendrix and Tommy Rees, are expected to compete for significant playing time if Crist is not ready to go. FWIW Crist is another 5 star prep QB who has drawn favorable comparisons to Brady Quinn in his size, mobility, and arm strength. Kelly will have a slew of talented backs and wide receivers to work with in South Bend and he is known to be able to plug in and move guys around with no drop off at all in production when it comes to his offense. Take for instance in 2008 when Kelly was forced to use 5 different QB's because of injuries and yet still the Bearcats ranked 24th nationally in QB efficiency while leading them to a school record 11 wins. His defense was also strong leading the Big East in sacks and tackles for loss and his special teams were strong in both net punting and kickoff returns.

Kelly gets the most out of what he is given and there is no reason to believe he can't
do this at Notre Dame. The athletes and talent that Notre Dame has recruited in the last 5 seasons because of Charlie Weis and his staff dwarfs the 2 and 3 star players he could get at Cincinnati.

Today's meeting with Notre Dame athletic director Jack Swarbrick in New York City was just a formality. Kelly has the job. I don't have all the details on the contract but my source tells me at a minimum it will be a 5 year contract with plenty of incentive bonuses including bowl victories, graduation rates, BCS berths, etc. that will inflate the contract into the top 5 amongst FBS college head coaching positions.

Kelly is now expected to recruit for Notre Dame and has been given the option to coach Cincinnati in the Sugar Bowl against Florida. I have my doubts about him ever stepping foot in New Orleans but that remains to be seen.

I believe this is a homerun hire for Notre Dame and Swarbrick. They weren't going to ever convince the Urban Meyers, Bob Stoops, or Nick Sabans of the collegiate world to leave their jobs to make a lateral and some would call downsize move to South Bend. Kelly is the next best option and I believe was easily the most logical choice to lead Notre Dame starting now. Weis failed as a head coach at Notre Dame thanks to a horrible defense and some questionable game management but Kelly has the experience and the track record of building up teams into proven winners on the football field. All he does is win and win big consistently and Notre Dame hasn't experienced it in over 15 years. Expect that to change quickly and Notre Dame to once again return to the peak of the college football landscape.

The Kelly hire gets an overwhelming Sportscrack stamp of approval! Go Irish!

Monday, December 07, 2009


Thank you EDSBS, you guys rock...


I fucking knew it. Elin is the reason why his dick keeps falling out of his pants into some cocktail waitresses hand. Those Swedes can be so ruthless. Poor Tiger.


(Fast forward to the 1:50 portion of the video)

Easily one of my favorite Notre Dame players of all time, it's going to be tough saying goodbye to Golden Tate. I feel like Tim Tebow on the sidelines at the end of the SEC Championship. Sad. Golden is one of the greatest football players to ever put on the pads in Notre Dame Stadium. He broke all kinds of records this season and brought back memories of Tim Brown and Rocket Ismail with his electricity and his ability to always make the big play. I'm honored to have witnessed his last collegiate game at Stanford. He always gave it his all and if the Irish would have won a few more games we would be talking about him winning the Heisman Trophy. Golden is going to be a great pro. Mark it down. He is a mixture of Hines Ward and Steve Smith from the Carolina Panthers. Simply he is a playmaker who should excel on Sundays. I have my fingers crossed for the Atlanta Falcons to draft him.

Thanks for the memories Golden. You are a warrior on the field and you will be missed.



And by the way, expect me to act the same way when Notre Dame hires Brian Kelly. In fact I might just have to camp out at South Bend Airport come tomorrow.


Following his announcement of his commitment 4 years ago to the University of Notre Dame at the College Football Hall of Fame, Sportscrack has learned exclusively that QB Jimmy Clausen will declare for the NFL today at the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio. Jimmy followed in the great steps his brothers laid down in college by not winning many games in college. Of course one should blame the defense at Notre Dame for the 6 losses this season and not Jimmy who was nothing less than spectacular all season. Jimmy finished with 3722 yards passing with 28 TDs and only 4 INTs in 12 games and a completion percentage of 68%. He will go on to make millions upon millions in the NFL on a horrible franchise because in all likelihood he will be drafted in the top 10 in the NFL's April Draft.

Personally I have mixed feelings in regards to Clausen leaving and his place in history at Notre Dame. We all know he was one of the most hyped prep quarterbacks to come into the college game. Some people called him the "Lebron James of football" whether it was fair or not. After watching him play for 3 seasons I can safely say he lived up to the hype. His accuracy was deadly and in every game minus the Nevada and Washington State games he needed to be nearly perfect just to keep Notre Dame in the games and he rose up each time. It was never his fault the running game was pretty much nonexistent during Charlie Weis's tenure or the defense couldn't tackle or prevent freshman quarterbacks from tearing them up. It's surreal to see him leave with a 16-21 record while wearing the blue and gold during his 3 seasons. His record in high school was undefeated but in college all he knew was defeats.

I can't blame him for leaving early. He is ready for the NFL. True he could be a little bigger and a little more nimble (part of that is to do with the turf toe he played with all season) but the guy has the arm, accuracy and the smarts to be a successful NFL quarterback for a long time. Hopefully when he declares for the NFL he doesn't make wild proclamations of championships and MVP's are for him only. If anything playing at Notre Dame should humble you. God knows the last 3 seasons of Jimmy ball have been nothing but humbling. It would have been nice to see him play in one more game but the Notre Dame players decided to skip their bowl game once Weis was fired. Why I have no idea. You have to wonder how much Jimmy's influence had as a captain on deciding not to play one more game in his college career and go out a winner instead of a 4 game winning streak. He came in with his head high (lots of gel) and leaves with a black eye (literally). This is how I will remember Jimmy's legacy at Notre Dame.

Sunday, December 06, 2009


Bama is going for lucky number 13th Championship in Pasadena California. On the menu is Bevo. Show your Crimson pride with this great shirt from Sportscrack Tees. Beat Texas! will get people talking and noticing your Saban-loving ass.


You asked for it Ohio State fans and here we deliver it for ya. BUCK YOU DUCKS! shirt will make a great Christmas present for any Buckeyes fan. Order it today. Shipping starts in a couple of days and we have a limited edition of these kickass tees.

Of course these are 100% non-licensed t-shirts.


I'm not here to make fun of Tim Tebow. Hell, if I was 22 years old and had a Heisman Trophy, two National Titles and two SEC Championship rings in my possession I could probably do whatever the hell I wanted to do including crying. We all know why he has tears flowing right? It isn't the fact that they lost to Alabama and thus blew a chance to go play for a National Title again. It's the fact he is still a virgin while attending a school full of hot coeds. The kid is so backed up he has semen flowing from his eyes. Poor guy.

Friday, December 04, 2009


WTF happened to Braylon Edwards? He was a Pro Bowl wide receiver there for a while in Cleveland until he started dropping passes. Now with the New York Jets he still sucks. Seriously, how the hell do you drop this pass and not get cut the next day?

Thursday, December 03, 2009


Ever since Rachel Bilson busted on to "the OC" or "OC" or whatever the fuck you want to call it I have been waiting on pins and needles for her to do a completely nude sex scene. Finally my dream has come true. Check out this steamy scene from her new movie called "Hearts of Palm"....

I can dig the little boobs and the 70's style pubic hair that goes all the way up to the bottom of her throat. Just lay it all out there girl.


TMZ.COM reports her name is Kalika Moquin and shockingly she isn't black. Kalika sounds about as black as Detroit. Apparently they met in Las Vegas and then here comes the complete bullshit to make her sound as if she is the victim of Tiger's raging man member...

We're told Kalika Moquin met Tiger in 2006 at Light Nightclub in Las Vegas -- and although she hung out with him all night, she had no clue she was out clubbin' with one of the richest, most recognizable athletes on the planet.

She didn't recognize who Tiger was? Get the fuck out of here! Let me guess, she also had no idea Vegas had casinos filled with hookers and blow. Just another notch in the Tiger belt I guess.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009


The hiatus is over and now it is time to get back to business. Or as Tiger Woods would say, "I want prenup!" So much has happened in the sports world since Thanksgiving. I got the chance to shake Charlie Weis hand as he left Stanford Stadium and told him thanks for all the effort. Notre Dame shit the tank in November, again, and Weis is now gone with a whole bunch of coaches already auditioning their denials in interest in taking the best job opening in college football. It will come down to Bob Stoops or Brian Kelly. Either way I will be extremely happy. Stoops has the offer on the table. If he doesn't take it this week then Kelly will next week. Notre Dame will be a much better all-around team in 2010 with Kelly at the helm.

Tiger Woods saw his reputation go to shit as females galore came out of the witness mistress protection program. His wife Elin decided his clubbing in Las Vegas and other places with other women was not on her hot nanny list for hunny do list and decided to take her own club to the back of his Escalade. I'm pretty sure she beats the shit out of him. This whole Tiger cheating thing was obvious before all the shit hit the fan. Rich athletes cheat on their wives. It's a fact of life. They have women throwing themselves at them constantly on the road. It's called "road beef" and every single athlete who has a pulse caves and I'm not about to say Tiger is an asshole for cheating on his wife. But he is an asshole for getting married in the first place. He should have done the Derek Jeter/George Clooney and gone out and banged as much ass and then settle down when your dick is as dead as a Pete Carroll hooker. This all just proves that Tiger is indeed human and he fucks up like all of us. If anybody is an asshole in this whole situation it is Jesper Parnevik. He had Elin as his nanny for his kids before introducing her to Tiger and now he says this shit...

Parnevik said Woods, "should think a little bit more before you do stuff,'' adding, "and maybe not just do it, like Nike says.

"I feel ... sorry for Elin, since me and my wife are at fault, hooking her up with him. We probably thought he was a better guy than he is.''

Parnevik sounds like some douchebag politician who secretly fondles little boys while saying gay marriage is the devil's work. I really can't wait till TMZ busts Parnevik with infidelity. You know that no talent assclown dresser has banged his fair share of toothless hags while on the road.

The SEC Championship is this weekend along with the Big 12 Championship. I have my fingers crossed with Nebraska pulling the upset over Texas. It's not because I hate Texas. In fact I kind of like Texas and Mack Brown. It's because I want to see TCU get into the BCS Title game. I believe they could hang with Alabama or Florida and bring an even bigger case that teams not in the BCS Conferences can compete with the big boys. Plus we need a fucking playoff so this would only help the case.