SportsCrack Blog

Thursday, September 06, 2012

Stephon "You Can" Tuitt Has Wheels!

Yeah I know this happened 5 days ago but fuck off. How often do you see a 6'6 300 pound defensive lineman like Stephon Tuitt run 77 yards away from the QB and RB? You wanna talk about fast wheels, Notre Dame's Tuitt has Pirellis. I'm still hoarse from shouting his name at the game and I still have some pee stains from the excitement. Gotta love college football!

John Clayton Unleashes Pony Tail Hell

I fucking knew it! ESPN's John Clayton is a Slayer fan. So obvious.

Via The Big Lead

That Will Leave A Mark: Brandon McCarthy Takes A Line Drive To His Melon

Line drive to the back of the head coming at you at about 110 mph. No big deal. Baseball players are tough. If this was a soccer player they would have already had his eulogy printed out on the mound. A's pitcher Brandon McCarthy will be fine. If he wants to take off the rest of the season he should probably do that considering the A's are tied with my Orioles for the Wild Card. It would be best for his health and my heart.

Via TheBigLead

Good Lord Look At Chad Jones Leg

I guess I should have warned you about some of the pictures of former LSU free safety Chad Jones leg after he got into a severe car accident. Shit looked like an italian sausage bursting out of the casing on a hot grill. Forget about eating lunch today. I think we all got a new athlete to root for this fall to get better and make his dream come true of playing in the NFL.

Andy Roddick Retired And Nobody Gives A Shit So Why Not Look At His Wife

So America's only worthless male tennis player from the past decade retired yesterday after losing in the US Open. Some guy named Andy Roddick. You may have heard of him because he is married to actress/swimsuit model/fledging boner producer Brooklyn Decker. In honor of Roddick's career I felt it necessary to stare at his wife a little longer today. Brooklyn would want that. I smell divorce in 3, 2, 1....

On a side note I watched "Battleship" on my way to Ireland last week. The movie was typical summer garbage with no plot and a bunch of shit blowing up but they could have saved the whole thing with more Liam Neeson kicking ass and more Brooklyn running around in a wet t-shirt. Come on Hollywood. Get your shit together!

Bryce Harper is Heating Up, Crushes Two Long Balls

The Washington Nationals are the best team in baseball. Seriously. Look at their record. 84 wins. 52 losses. And finally their best player is heating up as teenage phenom Bryce Harper went deep twice last night vs the hapless Cubs. His two bombs gave him 17 for the season, moving him past Ken Griffey Jr. and now only trails Mel Ott (18) and Tony Conigliaro (24) for most homers in a single season by a teenager. The Nats don't need Harper to perform Superman feats to make the playoffs but if they are going to win the whole thing this October they expect Harper to be their Babe Ruth.

After watching his two laser beam shots last night it wouldn't surprise me if Harper goes above and beyond and carries the Nats on his back the last month. He's that good and he's not clowning around.