SportsCrack Blog

Friday, March 14, 2008


Since the ACC tournament is up and going and despite the overall conference having a horrible season (seriously, Clemson is a fucking 3 seed but at least it's not Big Ten basketball) it is always fun to ridicule those fag floppers at Duke. Shane Battier was a master at the art of douche flopping and has passed on the tradition onto current Dukies such as Greg Paulus. Every time I see Paulus face on television I really just want to punch the guy. Something about him just really irritates me. He is basically the Dane Cook of college basketball. Anyways, you can catch the Duke flopping tonight against the Yellow Jackets of Georgia Tech. The spread is 11.5 in favor of the douchebag floppers but I'm calling the upset. Tech is playing good ball right now and will pull the shocker despite Duke going to the free throw stripe 20 more times because of the flopping.

Prediction: Georgia Tech 83 Duke 77

Via WithLeather via The Dagger via WeArethePostmen


The picture above is of a female Russian figure skater and the brilliant creator of millions of erections world wide who goes by the name of Anna Semenovich. Yes, her name is Semen-ovich. The Big Lead discovered these NSFW pictures of the lovely Anna who apparently isn't good enough for the Olympics but honestly who gives a shit? This girl would be a rating's boner magnet even if she was a horrible skater for NBC. We need this type of talent in the Olympics. If gay people can get their Brian Boitanos then us straight ugly dudes should be able to get our Anna Semenalloverher.


After watching a 7-footer completely blow ass yesterday against Villanova I wondered what would have become of Georgetown's Roy Hibbert life if he had decided to skip his senior season to play with hookers and hos in the NBA. See at this time last season Hibbert was being touted as the next great Georgetown center who was almost guaranteed to be a lottery pick(most pundits had him around the 6-11 pick) who would not only be enjoying millions in the bank but also enjoying a life of shitness on the court while laughing his ass off of it because of the money he stole.

Let's take a look at how the 7 foot 2 inch Hibbert did yesterday for the #1 seeded team in the Big East tournament in 14 excruciating minutes of play:
Points: 0
Free Throw Attempts: 0
Assists: 0
Rebounds: 4
Blocked Shots: 0
Turnovers: 4
Fouls: 5

You want to talk about a shitty performance well I think we can all safely assume Hibbert enjoyed one of his worst games of the season. But diving into his statistics this season you have to wonder why people are so enthralled by a big man who should for all intended purposes dominate the college game against smaller competition yet shows night in and out how much he really blows. Hibbert has never averaged over 6.9 rebounds a game in his four year college career. This is a 7-footer we are talking about who is a good 3-7 inches taller than most of the players on the court. Yet the guy can't rebound worth a shit. His 2.3 blocks per game are decent but nowhere near stellar compared to former Georgetown centers Dikembe Mutombo or Alonzo Mourning.

And you would think with the big man struggling so bad and fouling out early in the game that the Hoyas would really struggle to beat a tough Villanova team who are playing their hearts out trying to get in the Big Dance. Negative! Georgetown coasted to an easy 19 point victory despite Hibbert's all-out pathetic performance.

So this basically leaves Hibbert with one last chance to prove to everybody including himself that he is not as bad as his game displays on the court. Tonight against West Virginia in the Madison Square Garden he can live up to his hype and prove himself worthy of being drafted by dominating the paint against the Mountaineers. We can forget about lottery pick but the NBA is full of tall guys who suck balls yet collect millions on payday.

"Hibbert can be that guy," sighs a 5 foot 9 and 1/2 inch sports blogger who got cut from his freshman basketball team because he wasn't "big enough" for the game only to lead an eventual life full of boozing, cursing, and "accidental" masturbation bruises. And no I'm not bitter about giants collecting millions and banging random broads looking to steal their DNA so they can pay their bills because I have the greatest invention right at my finger tips....YouPorn.