SportsCrack Blog

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Tim Tebow Has a New Beard...I mean "Girlfriend" named Camilla Belle

Tim Tebow is a very successful, good looking backup quarterback virgin who has had thousands of girls throw themselves at him but none have been successful according to Tebow himself.  Now apparently he is dating an actress named Camilla Belle who has been previously linked to a tennis player and one of the Jonas brothers.  I'm sorry but I'm not buying it.  This Belle girl is a classic beard for Tebow.  Just come out of that cavern of a closet you hide in with excuses like Christianity and saving yourself for the right girl Tebow.  You would inspire millions.  Stop hiding.  We can all see it now.

By the way I'm talking for every straight and probably gay guy in the world here.  Tebow is human.  If he likes females like the rest of the straight population he would be knee deep in vagina already.  It's in our DNA.  We can't control it.  Now if he is gay then clearly he is scared to reveal it to his teammates and fans and has this Camilla girl as his "beard" to hide his gayness.

Either way nobody cares.

Eli Manning is Enamored With The Subway Flooding

Look at the concern on Eli Manning's face.  Poor rich athlete will never get to use the subway again.  If you thought New York smelled bad before I can't imagine the stench coming from all those dead hookers coming from Alex Rodriguez underground lair.

Via EliManningLookingAtThings

David Stern's is Worried About The Victims of Hurricane Katrina

Well played David Stern.  Well played.  After this he retired to his private suite where he kicked puppies and kittens and lit up his stogie with burning Franklins.

Via TheBigLead

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Drunk Guy Gets Demolished On High School Football Field

Excellent form by the Dad on the take down.  He even caused the fumble.  He must have watched Jarvis Jones highlights vs Florida.

Via BarstoolSports

Monday, October 29, 2012

Congrats to the San Francisco Giants

Seriously how do you take a third strike right down the middle to end the game?  Come on Miggy.  I thought you were the greatest player ever to win the Triple Crown?  Sick pitch by Sergio Romo to give the SF Giants their 2nd World Series title in 3 years.  M-V-Panda took home the hardware after his 3 bombs in Game 1.  I thought the Giants would win in 5 games but clearly I was wrong.  The Tigers just couldn't hit their pitching and the Giants finished off the sweep rather easily.  To be honest I didn't watch more than 20 minutes of the World Series.  I love playing baseball but once my Orioles and Braves are out of it I just can't make myself watch it.

Anyways congrats to the Giants.  They deserved it.  And as long as the Yankees don't win a nation can rejoice.

Great Prediction Lee Corso

I gotta admit I was kind of hoping Lee Corso would point the gun at Desmond Howard.  Just kidding.  Not really.  Yep, the media was right.  Notre Dame didn't have a shot at going into Norman and beating the almighty Oklahoma Sooners.  It made perfect sense too when Notre Dame entered the game undefeated with an all-time record of 8-1 vs the Sooners.  Nobody could have predicted Notre Dame would come in and dominate Oklahoma 30-13 right?  Oh wait.  Yeah we did.  So what's going to be the excuse now for all the ND haters out there?  Oklahoma is overrated?  Notre Dame hasn't played anybody good?  Just keep on doubting the Irish.  It just makes you look smarter.

Gronk With The Best Spike of the Year

I can't stop laughing at this hilarious Gronk spike.  I know the guy is a total meathead but his little "nutcracker dude" dance is priceless.  London had no idea what was coming.  Just a total suck this England move by Gronk.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

College Football Play of the Day: UNC's Gio Bernard Game Winning Punt Return

NC State made the fatal mistake of kicking it to Gio Bernard with less than 30 seconds left in the game.  Bernard took the slight in coaching and took it to the house.  By the way those chrome foot print helmets UNC was rocking are fantastic.

Manti Te'o is the new Heisman Leader

11 tackles, one sack and one crucial diving interception on National Television to keep the Notre Dame Fighting Irish undefeated has thrust ILB Manti Te'o into the Heisman lead over KState's Collin Klein.  If Notre Dame goes undefeated Te'o will be the first pure defensive player to ever win the 25 pound statue.  He most certainly deserves it since so far he has been the "most outstanding football player." Vote Today:

1) Manti Te'o
2) Collin Klein
3) AJ McCarron
4) Jarvis Jones
5) Geno Smith

Even Ron Zook could beat Georgia

Have fun with Will Muschamp Florida fans.  He seems like a nice guy though.  Someone who has it all together.  0-2 vs Georgia.  Good luck with that.  By the way Muschamp is now a career 0-6 as a player and coach in the World's Largest Cocktail Party.

And while you are at it you might want to find a way to block that #29 guy.  He is kind of good.

Friday, October 26, 2012

My New Favorite Player: Chris Cooley Tried to Negotiate a Case of Beer in his Contract

Via CBSSports...
Chris Cooley is back with the Redskins, happier than ever (having Robert Griffin III replace Rex Grossman will ward off any ill feelings about being released) after the Skins re-signed him following Fred Davis injury.

But the new contract didn't come easy. Apparently there were some heated negotiations about ... beer.

"Literally, I have text correspondence trying to negotiate a case of beer into my contract," Cooley said, via the Washington Post's Dan Steinberg. "They wouldn't do it. I wanted it in writing so much."
Slow golf clap for one Mr. Cooley.  I wonder what brand of beer though?  Cooley looks more like a Natty Light guy to me than a pretentious MicroBrew guy.  I'm both of those guys by the way.  Or as some have labeled me including my sponsor "an alcoholic."

Stephen A Smith Said a Naughty Word

The funniest thing about this ESPN First Take foul mouthed gaffe by Stephen A Smith is that if a white person said it they would be immediately fired and Jesse Jackson would be protesting in front of ESPN's headquarters in Bristol, CT for racism.  But nope.  Nothing will happen to Smith.  Black people just don't know how good they have it.*

By the way Smith is denying he ever used the N word.  Don't believe me?  Well here is his denial.

Stand up guy right?

Via Huffington Post

*joke in case there are some people who actually take this blog seriously.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Pablo Sandoval Thinks Justin Verlander Sucks

Remember the All-Star game when Kung Fu Panda rocked a triple off Justin Verlander?  Well last night he added to his resume with two long balls off the reigning AL MVP on his way to a World Series record 3 bombs to join the likes of Babe Ruth, Reggie Jackson, and Albert Pujols.  Say what you want about Verlander as he is probably the best starting pitcher in the game but please stop comparing him to Bob Gibson.  Gibson was a big time clutch pitcher.  Verlander clearly is not.  For some reason Verlander doesn't pitch well in the postseason.  With Sandoval heating up and the Giants dominant pitching including their bullpen I think the Giants win it in 5 games.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012


We are taking PRE ORDERS on the brand new unlicensed OPTIMUS KLEIN t-shirt from   The OPTIMUS KLEIN comes in adult sizes small through 3XL.  100% preshrunk soft cotton t-shirt with screen printed graphics on the front and back.  Order now!  These will sell out fast!  Ships immediately.


Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Strong of Heart - Manti Te'o

How can you not root for a kid like Manti Te'o?  Yes I am a Notre Dame homer but this kid has to go down as one of the best ever to run out of that tunnel to the hollowed grounds of Notre Dame.  As good as he is on the field he is by all accounts a better person off of it.  The Heisman Trophy is suppose to go the most outstanding college football player in the nation who also exemplifies character.  Te'o is the best player in college football right now.  At the very least he deserves to get an invite to New York City as one of the finalists.  He's the ultimate leader and teammate and decided to bypass the millions from the NFL to finish what he started at Notre Dame.  And he is the best player on the field on any given Saturday.  HE IS MANti.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Awesome Cannonball

I saw this on Jimmy Kimmel last night and I could not stop laughing. It's like watching fat people porn. Without the fatties and the flour of course.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Lee Corso Doing The Irish Jig Dressed as The Notre Dame Leprechaun

How can you not love Lee Corso? The old man still has the moves after all these years on College Gameday. Corso if you were wondering picked the Irish to beat Stanford. In fact everybody did except for one guy: Desmond Howard. Howard is now 0-6 when it comes to picking Notre Dame this season. He's obviously not bias or dumb at all. A true scholar and college football "expert" one could say about Desmond.

Notre Dame Wins Nail Biter 20-13 Over Stanford, 6-0 At Midseason

This season so far has been a dream come true for Notre Dame. Even the players are getting into it on Facebook. 6-0. #4 in the BCS. This is what it will do to you!

Via Facebook

Friday, October 12, 2012

Every Fan of College Football

This was way better than the MLB version. The Clemson and BYU ones cracked me up.

Every Fan of Major League Baseball

Bravo sir. Bravo.

Nun Stealing Beer

This Nun is clearly an Alex Rodriguez fan. Just stealing and acting like it's no big deal.

Via ExtraMustard

The Orioles Won't Back Down To The Yankees

The Orioles have resorted to throwing bats at Joba Chamberlain! Ok that's not the truth. But if you watched last night's 13 inning game nerve wrecker you will have noticed that the Orioles have no intention of backing down to the mighty New York Yankees. Joba got hit on his pitching elbow by Matt Wieter's broken off bat and had to come out of the game. This time the Yankees couldn't get two Raul Ibanez homers to pull off a miracle. Today they get a deciding game 5 with these two teams having evenly split their first 22 games. CC takes the mound for the Yankees and the Orioles will trot out Jason Hammel. I got money on the Orioles and not just because I'm a fan. This team is resilient and expects to win. The Orioles pitching has been outstanding. It will continue tonight. Orioles win 4-3.


Thursday, October 11, 2012

Don't Mess With The Buckeyes Especially When Delivering A Pizza

Ohio State defensive coordinator Luke Fickell's wife Amy didn't enjoy her pizza delivery guy the other day and got him fired for making an innocent suggestion that the defense needs to improve their tackling. It's probably not the best comment to make to somebody especially when you are fishing for a tip but holy hell this lady needs to get off her high horse. It looks like Ohio takes their football as seriously as they do down here in the South. It's just too bad the Big Ten blows and the Buckeyes defense which gave up 38 points to Nebraska in a win Saturday could improve their tackling. The pizza delivery guy was right. Amy is just wrong.

The League Season Premiere is Tonight

I feel bad to admit this but I missed the whole last season of The League. It's one of the best comedies out there besides the Chicago Cubs and yet fatherhood and a nightly drinking habit kept me away. Well fuck that. It's time to get my Shiva Bowl on! In terms of comedies where would you rank it?

Here are mine. And like a Cubs fan feel free to argue your reason to live another day.

1) Curb Your Enthusiasm - Just delivers every episode. The Michael J. Fox episode was hilarious last season.
2) Modern Family - The writing is rather brilliant for a network show.
3) Veep - I laughed so hard at a couple of episodes tears formed. Brilliant writing and Julia Louis-Dreyfus dialogue with her co stars is fucking hysterical.
4) Californication - Hank Moody is my hero.
5) The League - I gotta watch season 3 but the first two were hilarious.
Just missed the cut: Always Sunny In Philadelphia (was kinda disappointed with it last year, probably has run it's course)

Midseason Top 5 Heisman

We are basically at midseason in college football with most teams putting in a solid 6 games. Right now it looks like a one man race (West Virginia's Geno Smith) but injuries happen and teams do collapse. Here are my top 5 Heisman candidates.

1. Geno Smith - Right now it's Geno's hardware to lose. Geno led another spirited win last week in Austin with 4 TD and zero point zero INTs to bring his season total to a whopping 24 TDs to 0 INTs. I don't know about you but that is kind of impressive. He also has a 81.4% completion percentage and a NCAA record 202.4 QB rating. By far the leading candidate Geno could lose a couple of games in Morgantown and still take home the Heisman in my opinion. It helps to play in the Big 12 also where defenses go to die.

2. Braxton Miller - Miller Time has the Buckeyes off to a 6-0 start and is putting up Cam Newton-like numbers. The sophomore hasn't quite polished his throws but is still over 60% with a 9 TD-to-3 INT ratio. His legs have been devastating with 763 yards rushing along with 8 TDs. Too bad Ohio State is ineligible for a postseason appearance or Miller would have a legitimate chance of at least competing with Geno right now.

3. Manti Te'o - Yes, a defensive player is in my top 3 candidates. Te'o is the face of the undefeated Fighting Irish and is the best linebacker in the game. He has been huge in big television games vs Navy, Michigan State, Michigan, and Miami. College GameDay has put the spotlight on him already with the loss of his girlfriend and grandmother which has pulled the heartstrings of America including myself. The team leader will get the chance to showcase himself on the big stage this week vs Stanford as well as future road games vs Oklahoma and USC. If ND keeps winning Te'o will at least get an invite to New York.

4. Collin Klein - I've never been fully convinced Optimus Klein is that good but he is proving me wrong this season. He has K State undefeated with huge wins over Miami and Oklahoma on his resume. His numbers are not nearly as outstanding as Smith but next week he will get his chance to go up against him as they travel to Morgantown. Win that game and Klein might have a chance to overtake Geno.

5. Marcus Lattimore - I still think Lattimore is the best runningback in the nation and if South Carolina keeps winning especially like they did last week vs Georgia he has a shot at an invite to New York. Unfortunately for him I'm not convinced he is even the best player on his team (hello Jadeveon Clowney) and I'm not sure how well he can hold up the next two weeks in games on the road at LSU and Florida. Both of those teams have defenses that will try to punish Lattimore.

Barely outside looking in: Jadeveon Clowney, Jarvis Jones, De'Anthony Thomas, Johnny Manziel, Marquise Lee

Tuesday, October 09, 2012

I'd Rather "Shower" At Penn State Than Be A Michigan Fan Shirt

Another original shirt called "I'd Rather "Shower" At Penn State Than Be A Michigan Fan" is now available for pre orders. Shipping will start on October 16th. This is pretty much the perfect college gameday t-shirt and will surely get all the laughs at your next tailgate.

Order the T-shirt HERE.

Monday, October 08, 2012

Unbelievable Military Family Reunion During the South Carolina/Georgia Game

The Faile family from Kershaw, South Carolina, was the Columbia Metropolitan Airport Military Family of the Game, set to be recognized on the field. Their first surprise was a message to them from their dad/husband, Sergeant First Class Scott Faile, playing on the video board, followed by an even bigger surprise. The Gamecocks would go on to beat Georgia, 35-7, just as Sgt. Faile predicted.

These videos always get me. It's like watching Old Yeller get the gun. Not many people realize the sacrifices the soldiers and their families have to go through in order to keep our freedoms. Tip of the hat to the University of South Carolina for pulling this off and making these strange water droplets come out of my eyes on a Monday morning.

Video via BarstoolSports

Clemson Pulled Off A Fantastic Trick Play Vs Georgia Tech

I'm still lost how Clemson pulled off this play and I've watched it 15 times. I can only imagine how Georgia Tech felt.

Falcons Knocked Out RG3

With the win yesterday the Atlanta Falcons moved to 5-0 for the first time in franchise history. Their defense knocked out RG3 with a concussion and then held on to beat the Redskins 24-17. With Oakland coming to the Dome there is a good chance the Falcons will be undefeated in mid October. You couldn't ask for a better start. Rise Up!

Gif via TheBigLead

Notre Dame Crushes Miami 41-3

The Notre Dame defense hasn't given up a touchdown in a month. Notre Dame has yet to trail in a game. They are undefeated at 5-0 despite playing one of the most difficult schedules in all of football. ESPN's GameDay will be in South Bend this week for the Stanford game.

Brian Kelly and the boys have woken up the echoes. Ranked 7th you could make a strong argument that Notre Dame is one of the most underrated teams in the nation. With Everett Golson coming into his own the offense should continue to make improvements. With Manti Te'o leading a stout defense the Irish should continue to control the line of scrimmage. It's a great time to be a Notre Dame fan. Go Irish!

Wednesday, October 03, 2012

Bar Refaeli Needs Your Money to Kickstart a Sex Tape

Poor girl. I think it's time we helped out a worthy cause that all men and/or women can get behind. What a great name...Bar. If only my parents had named me after the place where I was conceived...Shame. Shame Fairchild just rolls off the tongue.

Monday, October 01, 2012


If you watched the Tennessee game you got to see a full dose of GURSHALL ball. Gurshall is just the latest to play for Tailback U. Now you can get the official #gurshall t-shirt to show your support. Comes in regular cotton and performance cool-dri (similar to an Under Armour shirt). Taking pre-orders now. Shipping starts October 9th.