SportsCrack Blog

Monday, July 06, 2015

FSU QB De'Andre Johnson Caught on Camera Punching a Female

If Ray Rice has taught us anything it's this: if you are going to punch a female don't be caught on camera.  Apparently FSU QB De'Andre Johnson did not get the memo.  It takes a special kind of person to just throw a haymaker at a chick in the bar.  A "CRIMINOLE" one could say.

Johnson will no doubt face deep repercussions by head coach Jimbo Fisher.  If we learned anything from the Jameis Winston FSU saga it's that their program and police department don't take kindly to people who break the law.  If anything Johnson will probably get a slap on the wrist, a very heavy handed white glove slap and a couple of tomahawks for his helmet for connecting a fist to a girl's face.  He might even do a timeout in the corner.

Yeah that will teach him.  Lesson learned for De'Andre.

In all seriousness I would never, ever punch a lady.  But even after watching this video I think not much is going to happen to Johnson.  Technically she punched him first.  Yes he is a dick for punching her back but women can't expect to throw a punch without someone reacting back.  I wouldn't necessarily call it self defense for Johnson but if the roles were reversed she wouldn't be facing any charges.  Also thank God she wasn't wearing a "Dukes of Hazzard" shirt because she might have been burnt at the stake by Bubba Watson.

I think Bill Burr summarizes the no "reason" to ever hit a woman...

Rory McIlroy Ruptures Tendon, Called "A Leprechaun" by Fox News

Good lord lady.  Will you calm the fuck down?  You can't stand Rory McIlroy because you think he is a Leprechaun?  

I know what's going on here.  She's clearly all pissed off because Rory left one of those snack size Lucky Charms on her night stand.  I've seen it a million times.  Still doesn't make him a leprechaun.  They only exist in Mobile, AL.