SportsCrack Blog

Friday, May 24, 2013

The Legend of El Oso Blanco

Courtesy of 680 The Fan's Rob Jenner comes this classic clip called "The Legend of El Oso Blanco."  Evan Gattis has already become the man, the myth, and the legend with his 10 homers, beard, rawdogging it with no batting gloves approach to hitting and the way his teammates love him.  The White Bear needed a great tribute and now he has one thanks to Jenner.  Well done sir.  Well done.

PS-I love the little dig they did on Yunel Escobar.  Whatever happened to that frosted tip d bag?

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Koji Uehara Goes Pearl Harbor on Shane Victorino

I hope the Flyin' Hawaiian is okay after taking this blindsided high five from teammate Koji Uehara. I haven't seen that kind of surprise on a Hawaiian's face since Ben Affleck died in that awful Pearl Harbor movie. I'm kind of disappointed Koji didn't scream "BONSAI!" right before slapping Victorino. You gotta do it to keep up team morale right?  It's the American way after all or something like that.

Fun fact: I had no idea Uehara was still in the league.  He was one of my favorite Orioles a few years ago because he always seemed like a big team guy whether starting or coming out of the bullpen.  But what makes him a legend in Baltimore is he got traded to the Rangers for Tommy Hunter and some 25-year-old slugger Chris Davis.  Yes the same Chris Davis who leads the majors in home runs and extra base hits.  And now Hunter is the best arm out of the bullpen for the O's.  Not a bad trade at all for the Orioles.  Laughs maniacally.

Michael Bourn With The Charity Homer For Miguel Cabrera

Seriously Michael Bourn. I don't think the Triple Crown winner needs any more help. Hey we all fuck up here and there. It's just part of the game. But this was almost up there with Jose Canseco taking a header for a homer in terms of fuck ups. Laugh all you want Bourn but coach Lou Brown is not going to put up with this shit much longer.

This Deer vs Bus Video is Priceless

The dubbing in with sound is perfect. This is a 5 star Youtube video if I have ever seen one.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Evan Gattis With Another Pinch Hit Homer in the Bottom of the 9th

He may only be a rookie but there is little doubt El Oso Blanco is a living legend.  At this rate I can't wait to see the 30 on 30 special on Evan Gattis.  This is getting beyond a Hollywood script.  It's almost unfathomable what Gattis has done in the first quarter season in an Atlanta Braves uniform when just 3 years ago he was out of baseball.  Gattis was literally living in a van down by the river and now he is hitting Gattis Bombs in clutch situations in the Show.

Buy the original and still the best El Oso Blanco shirt here!

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Some Guys Just Can't Handle Preakness

Spiderman he is not.  When you give 100,000 people an unlimited amount of beer and booze cases like Peter Parker here are bound to happen.  The good news is he is alive and barely kicking.  The bad news is his dignity has been lost for eternal YouTube satisfaction.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Hard To Believe It's Been 15 Years Since This Classic Orioles and Yankees Fight

These were the good old days.  When everybody was all hoped up on steroids and pitchers weren't afraid to throw inside.

Granted the Orioles Armando Benitez deserved a beating for hitting Tino Martinez intentionally with a straight 98 mph heater to the middle of the 2 and 4 but you don't see brawls like this anymore.  The Orioles and Yankees hated each other.  There was still bad blood over the whole Jeffrey Shitface kid robbing the Orioles of a playoff victory.  Daryl Strawberry was still a cocaine sniffing douche who couldn't land a punch to save his life even when it would have been a sucker one from behind.  Tino Martinez had no intention of fighting Benitez (who can blame him and it's only after the benches clear that Tino tries to fight) but it's funny that Bill Nye the Science Guy aka Graeme Lloyd comes all the way from the bullpen to start throwing awful haymakers at Benitez's mug.

Now that I think about it maybe Brady Anderson wasn't on steroids.  He's one of the few not even trying to fight.  He's calm and collected.  Of course so is Rafael Palmeiro and Chad Curtis and we know they were roiders.  Robby Alomar didn't even spit on anybody.  Hall of Famer Eddie Murray screaming at Strawberry in the dugout is the basically the ending to this classic.  It just sucks that it took the Orioles another 15 years to be relevant in the AL East because we could have had some classic showdowns instead of those overhyped ESPN fueled Yankees-Red Sox garbage games.

Shay Maria Dancing in a Bikini Looks Athletic

I have no idea who Shay Maria is but I don't care.  She just made Monday a lot more interesting.  I'm clearly talking about that awesome back tattoo.  Well done Shay.

Friday, May 17, 2013

Johnny Manziel Reenacts Famous Bama Play With First Pitch in San Diego

I think it goes without saying that Johnny Football is living the high life.  The Heisman winning QB got to take batting practice yesterday at PetCo Park before doing an impressive impression of his famous Alabama play.  Mark Kotsay caught the ball behind his back but that isn't even the story.  Kotsay still plays ball?  I thought he retired years ago.

By the way the Heisman patch on the right arm is a little over the top right?  We get it you won the Heisman.  Maybe it's an automatic panty dropper patch.  That must be it.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Russian Youth League Hockey Fight Now Has Over 400k Views

Vitali and Sasha would be so disappointed in these kids.  You rip off the helmets first before you punch kids.  It's basic fighting 101.

An Epic Catfight at Steeplechase

This is what happens when rich white kids have too much to drink.  They get smacked around in their loafers and tucked in pink shirts.  Thugs.

I might have to attend Steeplechase one of these days.  I just can't imagine dressing up like these assholes.  This isn't a board meeting you fucking losers.  It's a horse race with tailgating.  Unless you actually own one of the horses there is no reason to be dressed like Patrick Bateman.

PS-Nice pantyless shot by the girl in white who went down quickly.

Double PS-The Blonde in pink is one of those angry drunk chicks who starts crying and bitching about her life after two glasses of wine.  Just do yourself a favor and shut it.

Bryce Harper vs Dodger's Outfield Wall

The wall always wins.  I'm not sure why Bryce Harper ran into the wall so directly with his face.  The warning track is there for a reason.  To give you a fucking warning that a metal wall is right in your face.  Harper could be seen asking if he made the play.  Not exactly Bryce.  The Nationals would go on to win the game 6-2 and Bryce will be ok.  His dignity not so much.

Monday, May 06, 2013

Ever wonder what a pitcher's elbow looks like in slow motion?'s gross

Mommy make it stop!

The Ray's Joel Peralta's elbow is not suppose to look like Kevin Ware's busted ass leg but it does.  Just think how uncomfortable Tommy John is right now looking at this while he fiddles with his soft scar.

Via Rays Index

Saturday Night Live's Michael Jordan's Wedding Sketch Was Saved By Dikembe Mutombo's Finger Wag

You can't go wrong with a Dikembe Mutombo finger wag.  Otherwise this was just another pitiful SNL attempt at humor.  Why is the Good Burger kid on there?   Has he ever been remotely funny?

Sunday, May 05, 2013

New Irish Chocolate T-Shirts

We are taking pre-orders now on the brand new IRISH CHOCOLATE AND THE SACK FACTORY T-Shirt.  Comes in two colors: Irish Green and Dark Chocolate.  These tagless tees are 50% cotton / 50% polyester to give it a soft vintage feel.  Comes in adult sizes Small-3XL.  If you would like a different size not available please email us and we will do our best to meet your needs.

Shipping starts this week so get your orders in quickly.  This will be a limited edition shirt and once they sell out that is it.

It Was That Time Of The Month For Umpire John Hirschbeck, Throws Out Bryce Harper Because He Disagrees With His Shitty Umpiring

Good lord.  Can you be anymore of a pussy there John Hirschbeck?  So what if Bryce Harper disagreed with your bullshit check swing call.  You don't throw the guy out of the game.  Some of these umpires need to realize that people don't come out and pay good money to watch their fat asses throw out star players for shit like this.  If anybody needs to be investigated by Major League Baseball for game fixing it's Hirschbeck.  I'm going to say he had big money on the under and/or Pittsburgh Pirates winning and figured the best way to win his bet was by throwing out Bryce in the first inning.  Clown move bro!

In my opinion Hirschbeck needs to serve an unpaid suspension for this.  I'm not saying the ballplayers should have free reign to shit all over the umpires but to throw out somebody for simply arguing that it was a bad call is not a good reason for an ejection.

What do you think?

Video via TheBigLead

Thursday, May 02, 2013

Celtics Scrub Jordan Crawford Told Carmelo After The Game: "Dat Muhfucka Fucked Yo Wife!"

Classy HoneyNut Cheerios move by Jordan Crawford.  I got $100 that says Melo snaps out of his funk and goes off on the Celtics in Game 6.  You don't talk about someone's wife like that.  Even if she does taste like HoneyNut Cheerios which are delicious by the way.

I Miss Hockey

This Stanley Cup Playoff promo video brought back a flood of memories.  There is no better team sport to watch in person than hockey.  It's electric.  There is no taking plays off like baseball players do running down the first base line.  It's pure grit and determination to get the ultimate prize: Lord Stanley's Cup.  When the Atlanta Thrashers moved to Winnipeg because of their dipshit owners and GM I gave up on hockey.  I was too pissed off and hurt to even bother watching it anymore.  But now after seeing this video it makes me want to watch again despite not having a team allegiance.  I got to pick a team to root for though so with my Maryland roots I'm going for the Washington Capitals, the former hated Southeast division rivals of the Thrashers.  I've always liked watching Alex Ovechkin.  The guy has a personality to match his enormous talent.  Plus he fucking loves to mess with Sidney Crosby so that is cool.  Go Caps!

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

NBA Player Jason Collins Is Gay And Can Still Bang With Shaq According To Obama

In all seriousness congratulations to Jason Collins for coming out of the closet.  Not because he is a hero or anything but because of his timing we weren't succumbed to constant talk about some other closeted third-string quarterback in New York who was released the same day.  Thank you Jason Collins.

New Atlanta Falcons Stadium Looks Insane

I will be the first to admit I wasn't on board at all with building a new stadium for the Atlanta Falcons.  I've always thought the Georgia Dome was a great place to watch a football game especially when it gets cold in December and January.  Call me a pussy but the last thing I want to do is freeze my ass off while shaking uncontrollably while trying to enjoy a sip of a beer.

But now after seeing these designs I say fuck the 20-year-old Georgia Dome.  I want my impact rumble seats!  I want to know what it feels like to be Michael J. Fox watching a football game while drinking $15 beer to pay for the cost of the stadium.  Do they massage you as well?  They sure as hell better!

I also want a blimp above the new stadium so every time they open up the roof it looks like a giant asshole releasing a heavenly fart of NFL goodness.  I mean after all if we are going to ignore our horrible schools, roads, traffic and infrastructure in metro Atlanta for a shiny new stadium toy I want it to represent something bigger.  It just makes sense.  Right Tommy Boy?