SportsCrack Blog

Thursday, February 09, 2012

LINSANITY New York Basketball Shirts Now For Sale!

Taking preorders now on LINSANITY Shirt. 100% pre shrunk charcoal cotton tee with distressed screen printed graphic on the front. Shirts start shipping February 13 so get your orders in today. Limited quantities.

Evgeni Malkin with the beautiful spin-o-rama shootout goal

I got to be completely honest with you. I have not been following much hockey this year. It still pains me to think we lost our team here in Atlanta because of shitty ownership. I guess it still hurts a lot. Scratch that. It hurts a fucking ton plus I don't have any team to root for. But what I can root for is sick goals and this one by Evgeni Malkin brings back fond memories of Denis Savard with the Blackhawks and Canadians.

Kenny Powers Open Letter to Tim Tebow has this hilarious open letter from the man, the myth, the legend himself Kenny Powers to some guy named Tim Tebow. I don't know, you may have heard of this Tebow fellow. After you are done reading it be sure to go out and buy a Subway foot long so can keep on blasting us with annoying ads.

As Yogi Berra famously said, "it's like Deja Vu came all over itself again."

The more I read about Tim Tebow, the more I see similarities to my own life story. Our story begins with a young mother- to-be who wants an abortion. Instead, she mans up and has the baby, giving birth to a son-child.

This special son-child makes a life out of bucking the odds. Though neither the strongest nor the fastest, he excels at sports. Many experts doubt the remarkable lad. They tell him he throws funny, and that he doesn't have the right physique for the game. It's science, they say. He'll only go so far.

But the Gifted Young Athlete refuses to let the doubters shit in his Wheaties. To hell with science. The Gifted Young Athlete knows that he has something stronger. He has God on his side. So he presses on and keeps a good attitude, and every time he beats the odds in life he proves the experts wrong.

Next thing you know, there are folks calling it a miracle. Maybe the Gifted Young Athlete is blessed by the Almighty, they say. Perhaps he really does have a fucking angel on his shoulder.

And suddenly the experts don't look like experts anymore. By now, our hero has upset a whole lot of people. There are those who simply don't like the idea of a man being favored by God. They feel his special relationship with Jesus diminishes their own somehow. If Jesus loves the Gifted Young Athlete, what does he think of the rest of us? Bunch of assholes?

So the haters multiply, and soon the resentment reaches a boiling point. And that's when the torches and pitchforks and long knives come out. Yes, the world is given a savior but they choose to crucify him instead. Who'd a thunk it? The same old fuckin' story.

Maybe that's why Jesus likes us so much to begin with. He sees a little of himself in there.

You see, Gifted Young Athlete, people look at us and they see all they don't have. It's like, "homeboy's over there gettin' 'er done! And Jesus loves him too! Fuck that guy."

But can you really blame them? Wouldn't you be pissed? Jesus helps us win at sports games, yet he's nowhere to be found when poor people need important medicine for their kid's infection, or when they're late on a mortgage payment. Think about it. There are folks in Africa who get AIDS without even being gay. Yet here Jesus is, helping me & Tebow out in sports, just because we're maybe a little bit cooler in his eyes. It's a raw deal, plain and simple. Even though he's hooking me up, I still see it's kind of a cocksucker move on Jesus's part.

But my advice to you, Mr. Tebow, from one Gifted Young Athlete to another: don't kill yourself trying to make sense of all the madness. Just hold on to your dick and have a good time. Believe me, it's all you can do. Make no apologies, either. Those are for weak people, and the haters will hate you anyway. It's not our fault we're awesome, playboy. It's Jesus's. As the gorgeous bitches in the makeup commercials used to say, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful."

God Bless.

Kenny Powers
Shelby, NC

And this is why the internet was invented by Al Gore. How can you not love La Flama Blanca? He just told us that Jesus loves cool guys who are good at sports more than kids in Africa. And you know what? Powers is right. Preach on brotha man.

Jeremy Lin has started LINSANITY

New York Knicks rookie point guard and Harvard graduate Jeremy Lin (ladies calm down) completely crossed over the Wiz's John Wall last night and threw it down with author-ity in another remarkable game. Lin finished with 23 points and 10 assists in the 107-93 win over the Wizards. It won't approach Tebowing cult status but don't be surprised if LINSANITY takes over the NBA for the next couple of months. The Knicks and the NBA have needed a guy like this for a while. In his first 3 starts Lin has scored 25, 28, and now 23 points. If Lin keeps it up he could be one of the biggest superstars in basketball because he is a little guy who plays with emotion and also plays on the biggest stage in the Big Apple. LINSANITY has begun.

And yes a shirt is on the way.

Will Ferrell Does 80's Intro Night for Bulls vs Hornets

I always kinda figured Derrick Rose was a Notebook fan.