SportsCrack Blog

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Watching Cristiano Ronaldo Throw Passes at the Jets Practice Facility Will Make You Appreciate His Overall Athleticism

Now I just feel bad for making fun of soccer players.  Sorry excuse me.  I meant "futbol players."  Every single soccer player has gone out of their way to tell me how they are the best athletes and it takes the most skill to excel at their great sport.  I mean after all it is the world's most popular sport so it must take an elite talent to conquer it like Cristiano Ronaldo has.  He's the best of the best and you would never know that he doesn't use his arms like every other sport in the world.  It's just so natural for him to throw a pigskin.  I mean he could probably win the Heisman next year if he decided to attend college and slay coeds instead of European models.  Yup it must be the reason why America sucks so bad at soccer because we don't have the great athletes that Europe and the other countries have.  Ronaldo proves it with his natural talent.  It's like watching 50 Cent throw a baseball.  You can't miss the greatness.

Love those shorts by the way.  It's always comforting to see someone's nuts dangling out while dribbling a soccer ball.  Makes me respect his game even more.

KTLA Reporter Christina Pascucci Was Live at a Gay Pride Parade When a Patron Said "You Are So F*cking Hot"

See America has nothing to fear when it comes to gay people and marriage.  Give them a little bit of the sauce and they start hitting on the opposite sex on live tv.  This guy seems to have the same amount of game I used to have while intoxicated.  The scary part is it actually worked.  About 5% of the time but hey beggars can't be choosers.  Someone get this guy another drink he could turn into Derek Jeter just swooping up grade A road beef.

Adriana Lima Has Changed My Mind, I Will Be Watching the World Cup

We really are a simple breed.  Just show us a pretty girl and we will throw all logic out of the window.  We are basically dogs.  Give us a little love and we are all ears and panting for more.  Model Adrian Lima could have turned on Big Ten Football and I would have been like "Fuck Yeah I need some Big Ten Football" even though we all know it sucks.  The power of the ....