SportsCrack Blog

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

Ichiro clone disgraces the game

I just added Dustin Ackley on my fantasy team so I should have known there would be assassins in the stands wearing Ichiro outfits trying to take points away from me. I gotta give props for the outfit though. He just didn't come in with a jersey and a hat. No he came in with the pants, shoes, belt, glove and sideburns. The guy is almost a dead ringer for Ichiro. They could have put him out there in right field and nobody would have noticed a thing. It's good to see they ejected him for interfering. Fans shouldn't be allowed to reach over and mess with the game.

Speaking of reaching over and ruining a game I always have flashbacks of that fucking douchebag kid in New York some 15 years ago in the Bronx. I've tried to let it go and I don't even like to mention his name. But then yesterday I saw we had a t-shirt order from a Jeffrey Maier and for a moment (actually I was contemplating it for hours) I thought about putting some fecal matter or anthrax inside the shirt. I literally had dreams about it. But then I did some research and found out it might not be the same Jeffrey. Apparently there are a lot of Jeffrey Maier's out there. Poor souls. I'd rather be named Adolf Hitler than share the same name as that prick kid. Anyways short story made even shorter I apologize for urinating on your Captain Clutch shirt Jeffrey. Please don't sue me.

Yadier Molina goes ape shit and spits on an umpire

I would just like to point out the pitch was a strike. But who am I to argue with Yadier Molina? Molina will no doubt be suspended for numerous games after bumping and spitting on ump Rob Drake last night. It seems like as the temperature continues to rise so do the tempers of both players and umpires. Obviously Molina didn't mean to spit on Drake. He didn't pull a full on Robbie Alomar here. Molina was probably more pissed at himself for taking a third strike in the 10 inning then at Drake and thought the only way he could vent his frustrations was by yelling at the umpire. Not a bad acting job by Drake here either. Nobody likes a close talker and the only way to get out of it is by acting like you are being hit by projectiles. In other words pull a Kramer.

Buckeyes are wearing wristbands in support/honor of Coach Jim Tressel

If I'm new Ohio State head coach Luke Fickell I squash this shit immediately. The Buckeyes don't need any more controversy. They are going to get away with a slap to the wrist from the NCAA when they should have gotten scholarships and/or postseason appearances taken away. If anything this is giant FU to the NCAA and their "rules." They support departed head coach Jim Tressel and his ability to dot the i in liar.

Picture via Jerod Smalley

Casey Anthony Is a Buckeyes Fan?

Excuse me if I'm not well versed in my baby killer trivia but is Casey Anthony an Ohio State Buckeyes fan? I know she's from Florida and enjoys long nights of drowning toddlers in baby pools but I was not familiar with her affinity for the Buckeyes. If you are the Buckeyes what do you do about this? Do you embrace the fact a hot baby killer likes to sport the scarlet and gray or do you hang your head in shame? At this point if I'm Terrelle Pryor I go full force for Anthony. She's still young and her chest continues to get bigger (breast implants?) and you could dot the i on her all night and day. Plus everybody knows your football career was killed and left in the woods once you decided to cash in on tattoos and memorabilia. I give two months before we see TMZ photos of Pryor and Anthony together. It's only a matter of time before the Hilton has odds up.