SportsCrack Blog

Monday, September 10, 2007


It's been a tough couple of weeks for the Michigan community since they have royally sucked ass since losing their god in Bo Schembechler. But now it is time to not only prepare for Notre Dame and the guaranteed win Mike Hart has promised but to look towards the future of their program. So Brian Cook over at mgoblog takes a look at the candidacy of one Jeff Tedford, aka Offensive Genius/King of the JUCO.

I think Tedford is a fine candidate but I find it hard to believe he would leave Cal to coach Michigan. He actually makes more than Lloyd Carr right now and he is a West Coast guy. Plus would any rational person move their family from the lovely, laid back land of California to the urine soaked land of Ann Arbor, MI?

That is a tough one.


On the left you have current Chicago Bears RB Adrian Peterson (the shitty, less talented Peterson) and on the right you have Whoopi Goldberg (the shitty, least talented comedian of all time). The resemblance is uncanny. Unfortunately Bear fans will never be able to look at their team in the same way.

Via SportsByBrooks


The Injured Thumb

This guy went into a restaurant and ordered his meal. When the waitress came out with his soup, he noticed that she had her thumb stuck into it. This upset him, but he let it go. She then brought out his chili, and again her thumb was in the food. He let it go again. When she brought out his hot fudge sundae, her thumb was in the fudge and this was too much for him.
"Goddammit," said the man, "get your damn thumb out of my food!'

"Well, I injured it a while ago and the doctor said I should keep it warm."

"Why don't you just shove it up your ass?" the man said angrily.

"That's what I do when I'm in the kitchen."

I've been itching like a dog to get this list off my balls for three weeks now but finally it's here. And unlike the voters in the AP and coaches polls, I have actually watched all these teams play this year. How is that you say? ESPNU has become my drug buddy. It gives me my fix everyday by replaying the games from the week before. I'm telling you the television box is going to be the next big thing in technology. Fucking amazing what images you can see on a daily basis by them flickering lights in the ol' tube. Anyways, here is my top 25. You can send all hate mail to if you disagree.

1. Oklahoma-These Sooners are for real. Bradford and Kelly are sluts hooking up with each other in alarming if not epidemic proportions. OU has completely dominated North Texas and Miami on offense, defense, and special teams and should continue to cruise to a bitch slap worthy fight against the Book Em' Horns.

2. LSU-Do I really need to explain? Everything is great about this team except the coach Les Miles. I don't trust that pig fucker. He is a wolf in sheep skin and will screw up at least one game for the Tigers.

3. USC-These fuckers are good, we all know. A good test is in Lincoln this week. I'm pulling for the Huskers harder than I tug on myself. FUSC.

4. Florida-Anyone expecting a sudden drop off in play from the Gators after losing some players better wake up and smell the Tebow. The annual Smokey ball licking contest should be interesting.

5. California-Two words: Desean Jackson. Nuff said.

6. West Virginia-Looked awful in the first half against rival Marshall. Second half the Mountaineers played up to their capabilities by sprinkling White and Slaton all over the Thundering Herd.

7. Texas-The Longhorns struggled for the first 7 quarters of the season in wins over Arkansas State and TCU but appeared to hit their stride in the fourth quarter on Saturday.

8. Georgia Tech-I know I am a complete jerkoff for putting this team this high. They have demolished two bad teams in Notre Dame and Samford, but what can I say, I'm a sucker for a good defense to go along with a potent running game.

9. Rutgers-They didn't look exceptional vs. Navy but got the job done.

10. Penn State-Their defense will win a lot of games for them but they have to improve the offense. Anthony Morelli is an average QB.

11. Louisville-Their offense will win a lot of games for them but they have no defense. Giving up 35 points in one half to Middle Tennessee State should get you hung and shot.

12. UCLA-I'm not sure why I have these Pac-10 pussies up here other than the fact that the other teams behind them haven't showed me much.

13. Wisconsin-I really need to make it up to Madison for one trip to experience a game day up there. I say this because I'm a degenerate alcoholic with a terrible rash caused by college football couchitis.

14. Nebraska-Beat USC and you will be a top 10 team.

15. Oregon-Destroyed Michigan in the Big House. I really like watching Dennis Dixon and Jonathan Stewart but still wonder if the Ducks are just a mirage of past great starts.

16. Texas A&M-I know they looked like shit vs. Fresno State but they still got the W and will continue to get better as the season progresses.

17. South Florida-They beat the Auburn Tigers on the road and are now sitting at 2-0. I don't think I need to rationalize this ranking.

18. Ohio State-The Buckeyes are missing something. Oh yeah, a QB worth a damn.

19. South Carolina-The Cocks have a really good defense and a senior QB who has been generally regarded as a fuck up. Redemption could be sweet justice for Blake Mitchell.

20. Arkansas-Darren McFadden and Felix Jones form the best backfield in the nation.

21. Missouri-Chase Daniel could lead the Tigers to the Big 12 Championship game.

22. Boston College-Huge game against the Yellow Jackets this weekend could determine ACC Champs.

23. Tennessee-I would not be stunned to see the Volunteers pull off the upset this week against the Gators.

24. Clemson-James Davis and CJ Spiller form the second best backfield in the nation.

25. Georgia-Young and inexperienced in some areas, they will continue to get better as the team matures. Matthew Stafford will be a great QB.

Time to go take my crazy pills...

The fine fellas over at have started a campaign to find the hottest chick in the SEC. Today they revealed a Tiger that captured my heart and my loins. Thank you Auburn for providing all things great in SEC Poon.

I know it's one thing to own a team like Steve Spurrier has done with Georgia through out much of his coaching career, but talk about rubbing salt in the wounds of Georgia fans.

“It wasn’t like they were some big, powerful team,” Spurrier said on his television show Sunday. “They’ve actually lost five in a row to Eastern Division opponents. Kentucky and Vandy beat ‘em last year.”

Zing! Take that Bulldawg fans. I was at the game on Saturday, standing in what only felt like the hottest place in the world other than Mark Mangino's arm pit, and could see Spurrier feeding off the Georgia crowd. As halftime approached and Spurrier was the last man to walk off the field, the Georgia crowd started to boo him.

Spurrier loved it. He waved his arms to the crowd to be louder. The lesson is to never feed the beast that can destroy you. Or in this case the Cock that can destroy you.

Once a cock always a cock, click clack bitches!


Would you still give the redneck trailer trash, can't lipsynch and dances like a sedated monkey swinging on a tree branch while trying to masterbate Britney Spears another shot in the sack?

We all know her performance was shit. But I want to know what the Sportscrack nation thinks about giving it to Britney still despite all of her fucked up, drugged out hillbilly shit lately.

Yay for yes you would. Nay for no.