SPORTSCRACK

SPORTSCRACK TOP 25
I've been itching like a dog to get this list off my balls for three weeks now but finally it's here. And unlike the voters in the AP and coaches polls, I have actually watched all these teams play this year. How is that you say? ESPNU has become my drug buddy. It gives me my fix everyday by replaying the games from the week before. I'm telling you the television box is going to be the next big thing in technology. Fucking amazing what images you can see on a daily basis by them flickering lights in the ol' tube. Anyways, here is my top 25. You can send all hate mail to Lloydcarr@umich.edu if you disagree.

1. Oklahoma-These Sooners are for real. Bradford and Kelly are sluts hooking up with each other in alarming if not epidemic proportions. OU has completely dominated North Texas and Miami on offense, defense, and special teams and should continue to cruise to a bitch slap worthy fight against the Book Em' Horns.

2. LSU-Do I really need to explain? Everything is great about this team except the coach Les Miles. I don't trust that pig fucker. He is a wolf in sheep skin and will screw up at least one game for the Tigers.

3. USC-These fuckers are good, we all know. A good test is in Lincoln this week. I'm pulling for the Huskers harder than I tug on myself. FUSC.


4. Florida-Anyone expecting a sudden drop off in play from the Gators after losing some players better wake up and smell the Tebow. The annual Smokey ball licking contest should be interesting.

5. California-Two words: Desean Jackson. Nuff said.

6. West Virginia-Looked awful in the first half against rival Marshall. Second half the Mountaineers played up to their capabilities by sprinkling White and Slaton all over the Thundering Herd.

7. Texas-The Longhorns struggled for the first 7 quarters of the season in wins over Arkansas State and TCU but appeared to hit their stride in the fourth quarter on Saturday.

8. Georgia Tech-I know I am a complete jerkoff for putting this team this high. They have demolished two bad teams in Notre Dame and Samford, but what can I say, I'm a sucker for a good defense to go along with a potent running game.

9. Rutgers-They didn't look exceptional vs. Navy but got the job done.

10. Penn State-Their defense will win a lot of games for them but they have to improve the offense. Anthony Morelli is an average QB.

11. Louisville-Their offense will win a lot of games for them but they have no defense. Giving up 35 points in one half to Middle Tennessee State should get you hung and shot.

12. UCLA-I'm not sure why I have these Pac-10 pussies up here other than the fact that the other teams behind them haven't showed me much.

13. Wisconsin-I really need to make it up to Madison for one trip to experience a game day up there. I say this because I'm a degenerate alcoholic with a terrible rash caused by college football couchitis.

14. Nebraska-Beat USC and you will be a top 10 team.

15. Oregon-Destroyed Michigan in the Big House. I really like watching Dennis Dixon and Jonathan Stewart but still wonder if the Ducks are just a mirage of past great starts.

16. Texas A&M-I know they looked like shit vs. Fresno State but they still got the W and will continue to get better as the season progresses.

17. South Florida-They beat the Auburn Tigers on the road and are now sitting at 2-0. I don't think I need to rationalize this ranking.

18. Ohio State-The Buckeyes are missing something. Oh yeah, a QB worth a damn.

19. South Carolina-The Cocks have a really good defense and a senior QB who has been generally regarded as a fuck up. Redemption could be sweet justice for Blake Mitchell.

20. Arkansas-Darren McFadden and Felix Jones form the best backfield in the nation.

21. Missouri-Chase Daniel could lead the Tigers to the Big 12 Championship game.

22. Boston College-Huge game against the Yellow Jackets this weekend could determine ACC Champs.

23. Tennessee-I would not be stunned to see the Volunteers pull off the upset this week against the Gators.

24. Clemson-James Davis and CJ Spiller form the second best backfield in the nation.

25. Georgia-Young and inexperienced in some areas, they will continue to get better as the team matures. Matthew Stafford will be a great QB.

Time to go take my crazy pills...