CHRISTIAN NUT JOB KURT WARNER JOINS GANG

I always knew Warner was Lucifer's son. How else can one explain going from supermarket bag boy to SuperBowl MVP winning QB in a matter of years? And just to prove he plays on the dark side he is promoting gangs to kids. What a dickface! Stay away Warner and tell your psycho wife we don't take kindly to evil spiky hair lesbians down in these parts. At least that is what all the good wholesome Christians tell me when they think I'm a lady living with my girlfriend.

Video HT: Deadspin

GEORGIA TECH HIRES PAUL JOHNSON
The Yellow Jackets finally hit one out of the ballpark with this hiring. Johnson is a great coach and has made perennial winners out of Georgia Southern and the Naval Academy so the chances of him getting Tech over the 7 win a year hump is good. Johnson is suppose to be announced at 5:30 today with a contract of 6 years at a reported $16 million plus over the term.

If there was one thing fired coach Chan Gailey could do it is recruit athletes. Johnson will be entering a Tech program who desperately wants to beat their arch rival Georgia whom they have lost 7 straight.

It still baffles me that Michigan didn't try to get Johnson. Of course Michigan alumni and fans will tell you they never wanted him and while that may be true the person Johnson reminds me of is Jim Tressel coming out of Youngstown State. A lot of people thought Tressel couldn't succeed at Ohio State because he was going from 1-AA to D1 and he wasn't energetic enough for Big Ten football. Well, all I know is Tressel is one of the top 5 coaches in all of college football and I believe Johnson is on that path. If you can make Navy a winner you can pretty much succeed where ever you go.

By the way, I heard Michigan is still trying to hire the ghost of Bo after being turned down by Les Miles, Greg Schiano, Kirk Ferentz, and a slew of other candidates.

SPORTSCRACK CFB ALL-AMERICAN TEAM
This bizarre, ass backwards season has made no sense but hopefully this All-American list does. I went through all the stats, the level of importance the player had to his team, and watched a lot of video and read a lot of articles on the players. Again, this team is based on performance this season and not in the past. So here you go, this is the offensive side of the ball so feel free to curse and laugh all you want.

QUARTERBACK

Tim Tebow(Florida Gators)-This was probably the biggest no brainer for me. The kid has redefined the position and dominated the toughest conference in all of college football. He has a combined 51 touchdowns and is a tough son of a you know what. He should win the Heisman but if he doesn't it's only because the old farts who vote are too set in their ways.

Honorable mention-Chase Daniel(Missouri)

RUNNINGBACKS
Darren McFadden(Arkansas Razorbacks)-I don't think I really need to explain this one. More than likely the best player in the country when he isn't taking games off, D-MAC should be the first pick in the NFL Draft. By the way, I like him more than Adrian Peterson coming out last year.

Kevin Smith(Central Florida)-2448 yards is an insane number for a rushing total by a runningback. Even more insane is the amount of carries Smith got: 415! He also had a LT like 30 total touchdowns.

Honorable mention-Jonathan Stewart(Oregon), Rashard Mendenhall(Illinois)

WIDE RECEIVERS

Michael Crabtree(Texas Tech)-He set a NCAA freshman record with 21 TD catches while leading the nation in catches(125) and receiving yards(1861). Umm, yeah, he is a for sure, no questions asked All-American.

Jordy Nelson(Kansas State)-A white receiver, can you effing believe it? I'm still in shock. Nelson, a white dude who runs extremely fast. Wait a second. Did I mention he is white? Anyways, he had 122 catches for 1606 yards which both are second only to Crabtree. For a white guy that is amazing.

Mario Manningham(Michigan)-Super Mario had another stellar season. Most likely his last for the Maize and Blue when he decides to enter the NFL Draft, Manningham had over a 1000 yards receiving while catching 11 TDs.

Honorable mentions: James Hardy(Indiana), Percy Harvin(Florida), Devin Thomas(Michigan State)

TIGHT END

Travis Beckum(Wisconsin)-High expectations going into this season didn't slow down Beckum in Madison. With nearly a 1000 yards receiving and 73 catches, Beckum was the most consistent tight end in the country despite having an average QB throwing him the ball. Plus he is so good one of his o-lineman tried to give him head(picture right). Geez guys, get a room.

Honorable mention: Fred Davis(USC)

OFFENSIVE LINE
Jake Long(Michigan)-He almost got taken off this list after seeing him thrown around a couple of times against Ohio State. More than likely the first o-lineman to be taken in the draft, Long finished his career 0-4 against the Buckeyes.

Anthony Collins(Kansas)-What has the world come to when I'm putting freaking Jayhawks on my All-American team? Collins was a monster all season and a reason why the Jayhawks were so efficient on offense.

Jonathan Luigs(Arkansas)-Reason #2 Arkansas is so good at running the ball the past three seasons. The #1 reason of course is D-MAC and Felix Jones.

Adam Spieker(Missouri)-What does MIZZOU mean? I don't get it, there are no Z's in Missouri. Is it redneck for show me? Oh yeah, Spieker dominated the line of scrimmage all season.

Michael Oher(Ole Miss)-This guy scares the living piss out of me. Just looking at his picture I had a little trickle come out. He is on this list strictly because I want to live for another 30 good drinking years of my life.

I will be posting my defensive All-American team as soon as my diarhea goes away. I had Mexican for lunch.

TONY LARUSSA HATES SCOTT ROLEN
St. Louis Cardinals thirdbaseman Scott Rolen has been a hot trade topic during the winter meetings and I guess now we know why. Manager/light weight wine connoseiur Tony Larussa can't stand his guts. My first guess was it had something to do with Larussa demanding his star player to be his designated driver but there is much more to the story. Apparently Rolen isn't a team player and has no desire to play for the Cardinals or Larussa.

As for the rift with Rolen, La Russa said, "I can't remember ever being the combination of mystified and concerned as I am about this situation."

La Russa admitted hostilities began after Rolen expressed unhappiness over the way he was treated while suffering shoulder problems last year but indicated the veteran third-sacker was off-base.

"I think he has put some things in his mind, and I think he needs to understand that our Cardinals have given him a lot since he's gotten there. He's been given a contract, he's been given a couple of World Series, he's been given a world championship, been a part of it, and he's given back some. But he needs to give back more."

As for Rolen's desire to be traded, La Russa said, "The whole idea isn't to please Scott. It's to take care of the St. Louis Cardinals. I don't understand why he can be down on the Cardinals. I don't understand why he can be down on me, to be honest.

"The idea is to accommodate the St. Louis Cardinals, our team, our responsibility to our players and to the competition. So, no, I don't want to accomodate Scott.

"What I care about is that he re-establish his stature as a major league, productive star. He needs to understand that he has slipped. Not in his play, but just in the way he's perceived in being the Scott they knew for years. It's in his best interests, and I think that means a lot to him. He can play mad every day if he wants to. That's OK."

I think the moral of the story is for Larussa to start bumming rides from other people when he has a little too much to drink. No wonder the Cardinals have been talking to the Orioles about Miguel Tejada, another player whose performance is slipping with every missing B-12 supplement down the drain.

THE AWARD FOR THE MOST RIDICULOUS TRADE RUMOR
Goes to this supposed rumor from a "trusted source who is a New York sportswriter."
I'm sorry, I couldn't even type that last sentence without laughing my ass off. Here is how it would go down according to MLBTradeRumors:

Mets get Johan Santana, Bobby Crosby and Dan Johnson
A's get Jose Reyes and Kevin Mulvey
Twins get Dan Haren and Hector Pellot

If you haven't checked out MLBTradeRumors then I would highly recommend it for it's entertainment value. The guy who runs the site, Tim Dierkes, does an excellent job of keeping up with all the MLB beat writers and usually breaks the news on big trades or a signing before ESPN gets to it. With that being said I can't see how this trade would ever be made. First off I can't ever imagine the Mets trading Jose Reyes unless they get absolutely blown away by a package. Reyes is an absolute stud and despite his horrific stretch run in which his slump led to some Met's fans to blame him for not making the playoffs last year there is still no way I would trade him. And despite what Peter Gammons says Bobby Crosby is not a MVP type player and he is not even close to being in the same discussion with Reyes in terms of talent and performance on the Major League level. Plus I still believe Santana is going to the Red Sox they just need to iron out a contract extension with him before the trade is finalized.

But you know a trusted New York sportswriter says it so it must have some truth to it...right?

GEORGIA TECH INTERVIEWING NAVY'S PAUL JOHNSON
According to Tony Barnhart of the AJC, Navy head coach Paul Johnson is in Atlanta today interviewing for the open position at Georgia Tech. With Randy Edsall going back to UCONN and other candidates such as Auburn's Will Muschamp and Florida's Charlie Strong not being asked back for a second interview, it appears that Johnson would be the leading candidate for the job if the interview goes well today with athletic director Dan Radakovich. Johnson has prior coaching experience in the state, leading Georgia Southern to National Championships in 1999 and 2000.

We all know what he did at Navy, turning a 1 win team into a force while leading the Midshipmen to their 5th consecutive bowl game this season. Johnson in my opinion would be a major coup for the Yellow Jackets. The guy can flat out coach and as of now his only other interview has been with SMU. I would not be surprised to hear he has accepted the Georgia Tech position by the end of tomorrow if he is in fact offered the job. The only other candidate is current interim coach/defensive coordinator Jon Tenuta who has been rumored to be leaving the Flats to take the coordinator position at LSU under Les Miles.

NEW SHIRT
It has been way overdue but we finally came out with a shirt that basically gives the old FU to the BCS. The BC$ Bowl Corrupt System t-shirt is designed to let everyone know how you feel about the BCS. This shirt is charcoal and the design is distressed/worn to give it a vintage look and feel. Spread the word Sportscrack heads about the new shirt, they are on sale now starting at a low price of $15.

TIGERS ACQUIRE MIGUEL CABRERA AND DONTRELLE WILLIS?
The deal hasn't been finalized but it is being reported the Detroit Tigers and the Florida Marlins have agreed to a deal in place that would send All-Stars Cabrera and Willis for young studs Cameron Maybin, Andrew Miller, and four other prospects.

Wow, this would make the Tigers on par with the Red Sox in my opinion.

I will have more on this trade later if in fact it is true and not some Peter Gammons/Buster Olney BS fluff we get every year.

UPDATE: It's being reported as a done deal now on ESPN. Excellent trade for both teams and indeed an enormous blockbuster pulled off finally. Makes you wonder what the Angels are going to do now? Rumored to be close to making a deal for Cabrera for some of their hot shot prospects, it would seem they would give the Baltimore Orioles a call now for pitcher Erik Bedard and Miguel Tejada. If the Angels offer SS Brandon Wood, SP Jered Weaver, SP Nick Adenhart, and C Jeff Mathis I think the O's would make the deal.

CHAMPIONSHIPS AND PORN
Our favorite New Yorker, Carl, is back and ready to let you know what he thinks about the Buckeyes, or Suckeyes as he says...

Breaking Carl's Sanity.

BART SCOTT'S COMMENTS
Wow, last night was one of the most entertaining Monday Night Football games I have ever watched. I was pulling hard for the Ravens to close it out but I had this feeling the Patriots were going to win it in the end because God loves anything associated with Boston right now. Anywho, the Raven's defense was playing with more intensity than a room full of deranged monkeys pumped with speed and banana peels.

Clutching, screaming, cursing, holding, spitting. It was all there to be watched on a frigid night in Charm City. Pretty boy Tom Brady was getting more frustrated than the first time he found out Giselle had a dick. Seriously people, she has an adam's apple bigger than her balls.

But to top it all off Raven's linebacker Bart Scott went completely berserk on one of the referees. Apparently the ref called teammate Samari Rolle a "boy" and this set off Scott.

Asked about his meltdown on national television which accumulated more than 30 yards in penalties, Scott had this to say about the refereeing...

TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES
I've been having some technical problems with my DSL modem. By technical I mean the stupid thing is not working and I'm about to go ape shit on it soon. I got a lot of things to say about the Monday Night meltdown by the Baltimore Ravens, the latest Hot Stove talk, and wanted to express my love and desire to marry the BCS so I could constantly be fucked over every year.

But until I get Bellsouth to get their lazy asses out here to fix it then I'm pretty much screwed. I'm typing this in a Kinko's right now, next to a man who looks like he loves little boys. And no, I'm not looking at the mirror right now assholes!

Here is a visual of how confused my modem is right now...


UPDATE: I just found out it wasn't my modem alone with problems with connecting. AJC.com is reporting there was an outage throughout the Southeast...

AT&T Inc. customers in the Southeast United States were unable to connect to the Internet through their DSL service for several hours Monday night because of an equipment problem, a company spokesman said.

I wonder if they will refund me some money back for emotional distress? Emotional distress is guy code for less alone time with internet porn.

HERBSTREIT JUST SAID THE BCS WORKED OUT
I got nothing but apparently Herbie pockets are filled with blood money from the BCS committee. Next thing you know we are going to have some douche from ESPN tell us that Blacks don't deserve to vote because they aren't smart enough. Makes sense right ESPN?

INITIAL THOUGHTS
The BCS is still the most fucked up ridiculous system made up in all of sports. The match ups make no sense and again the polls were a complete joke.

Before today Ohio State and Georgia were #3 and #4 in the BCS rankings. Today Ohio State is #1 and Georgia somehow dropped to #5 even though both teams didn't play yesterday. Ohio State rose in the rankings because of Missouri and West Virginia both choking yesterday but Georgia drops because they played a tougher schedule and in a tougher conference than any other team besides LSU. Makes sense right?

Of course not. Again the voters listened to the ESPN "experts" and decided to jump LSU, a team who a week ago lost for the second time in 5 weeks to an unranked Arkansas team in Baton Rouge, from #7 to #2 after an impressive win over Tennessee in which Erik Ainge gift wrapped, shoved his ass down the chimney, and delivered a win personally for LSU.

But the BCS Championship game is besides the point. What the hell is up with these match ups? Why can't we ever have the best teams play against each other according to rankings? How in the bloody hell did Kansas and Illinois make a BCS game over Missouri? Because the last time I checked Missouri beat them both and was just ranked #1 in the country up until a few hours ago.

Are you shitting me with USC playing Illinois in the Rose Bowl? Illinois does not deserve to be in a BCS game point blank. The Big Ten was shit all year and the fact that two teams from the conference made it just emphasizes how corrupt the whole system is. But at least we can watch Ohio State and Illinois get killed playing in stadiums which are essentially home games for LSU and USC. That seems fair, I can't wait to get my beer and popcorn ready for those games after waiting 5 fucking weeks of NBA highlights on ESPN.

I have no problem with Hawaii in one of the BCS games but I think they should have been playing in the Rose or the Fiesta Bowl. Don't dick over their fans by putting them in SEC country against a SEC opponent and make them fly 4211 miles to get there. We need to stop with this pompous Big Ten vs. Pac-10 bullshit in the Rose Bowl. I'm sick of it. Nobody gives a shit about it anymore. We want to see the two best teams play against each other in all of these games but instead we get to watch Illinois get destroyed by USC.

Virginia Tech moving up to #3 in the BCS rankings is garbage too. I'm sorry but there is no way in hell the Hokies are the third best team in the country. Georgia, USC,and Oklahoma would destroy Virginia Tech on a neutral field.

I guess the reason why I'm so sick and tired of all this BCS BS is because I love college football so much. I hate having to argue over who deserves what and why this team should play for it and not.

GIVE US A PLAYOFF!!

We live in the greatest country in the world (Sorry Canadians, it's a fact) and yet we can't get a fucking playoff system going in D1 football when every other sport has a playoff system. Ever since we strapped on our shoulder pads in Pop Warner football we had playoffs to decide who is the champion of the league. But the presidents and jack off bowl officials and major corporate sponsors have their money in so many deep pockets that we can devise a playoff system. Fuck them. Fuck them.

I want my playoff. I want it waiting in my bed, panties wet, legs spread and ready for me and my millions of other friends to watch it and love it.

Don't jerk me off with this bullshit BCS anymore.

FUCK THE BCS.

#1 and #2 FALL
So the question remains, who deserves to be playing for the National Title?

We know Ohio State is in it by default by winning the Big Ten. But does Georgia get in despite not winning their own division in the SEC East? LSU won the SEC but got beat by an unranked Arkansas squad at home last week and gave up over 50 points in the process. Kansas lost last week to Missouri. Virginia Tech got destroyed by LSU and won a horrible conference. USC lost to Stanford.

Honestly I don't know who deserves it. Maybe none of those teams deserve a shot at the National Title. What about Hawaii if they beat Washington? They would be the only undefeated team in the nation.

This season has been one huge clusterfuck. My head hurts, I'm going to sleep.

The BCS Apocalypse has begun.

LES MILES PRESS CONFERENCE

Miles: "There was misinformation on ESPN and I think it's imperative that I straighten it out. I'm the head coach at LSU, I will be the head coach at LSU, I have no interest in talking to anyone else. I have a championship game to play and I'm excited about the opportunity of my damn strong football team to play in it. And that's really all I'd like to say. It's unfortunate I had to address my team with this information this morning. With that being done, I think we'll be ready to play. There will be no questions for me; I represent me in this issue, please ask me after. I'm busy. Thank you very much, and have a great day."

Miles is playing the $$ game and screwing his alma mater at the same time. Fuck, I hope this never ends...

MICHIGAN'S NEXT COACH
All they have to do is offer him some land in Montana, Lakers Tickets, and a brand new truck along with a substantial raise and you can get a shiny new...

Nothing would shock me now in regards to Michigan football.

MILES TO STAY AT LSU?
Jesus effing Christ, make up your mind you crazy bastard. Either ESPN totally jumped the gun on the previous report or Les Miles is playing head games with everybody.

The latest, as of 1:30 pm is he is staying according to MLIVE

A 1:45 p.m. press conference has been scheduled by LSU prior to today's Southeastern Conference title game between the Tigers and Tennessee to announce the new deal and its terms.

LSU will reportedly make Miles one of the highest-paid coaches in the country.

Earlier in the day, ESPN's Kirk Herbstreit reported Miles has agreed to become Michigan's next coach and will be introduced at a press conference next week. Herbstreit also said that Georgia Tech defensive coordinator Jon Tenuta would accept the same position on Miles' staff at Michigan.

But LSU and its coach were already putting the finishing touches on a deal to keep him in the SEC.

Stay tuned, apparently nobody wants the Michigan job.

WEEKEND PREDICTIONS

Army at Navy(-14.5)
Prediction: Navy 42 Army 10

Virginia Tech(-4.5) vs. Boston College
Prediction: Virginia Tech 20 Boston College 13

Tennessee(+6.5) vs. LSU
Prediction: Tennessee 31 LSU 28

UCLA at USC(-19.5)
Prediction: USC 38 UCLA 14

PITT at West Virginia(-29)
Prediction: West Virginia 55 Pitt 20

Oklahoma(-3) vs. Missouri
Prediction: Oklahoma 35 Missouri 31

Washington(+14) at Hawaii
Prediction: Hawaii 28 Washington 24

LES MILES AND JON TENUTA TO MICHIGAN
ESPN's Kirk Herbstreit has just confirmed that Les Miles will be named Michigan's head coach next week and is bringing Georgia Tech's defensive coordinator Jon Tenuta with him as the new DC. I'm not a huge fan of Miles and I think his act will get real old with Michigan fans rather quickly but I love the hire of Tenuta. He brings an aggressive, blitzing style of defense that recruits love and players excel in.

UPDATE: THE PIGFUCKERS AT ESPN JUST PULLED THE VIDEO OF HERBIE ANNOUNCING MILES TO MICHIGAN.

So in short, Miles bad but Tenuta very good.

And the Sportscrack gal Ashley approves...

R.I.P. EVEL KNIEVEL

Sadly an American Icon past away today at the age of 69. Evel was before my generation but I admired the guy because he was so fucking insane trying to pull off tricks. The above youtube video is his failed attempt to make a jump at Caesar's Palace in 1980. Knievel recently settled a lawsuit with rapper Kanye West two days ago over West using his likeness in one of his videos.

The original X game type of athlete, Knievel would have shit all over these young punk asses today. At least that is what my Grandmother tells me.

May all your jumps in Heaven actually succeed this time.

SERIOUSLY HUSKIES, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU GUYS?
It's one thing to hire a stoic golfer as your head coach and further dig yourself into the proverbial shitter in the PAC-10, but now you have William Hung performing at halftime...

I wouldn't be surprised if Hung banged two of those cheerleaders. Cheerleaders dig celebrities and as painful as it is to admit that Hung is indeed one of them there is no doubt that if Screech can have gang bangs with hot chicks in Las Vegas that Hung could pull two little Huskies.

"She bangs, She bangs"-yes they do.

METS ARE IDIOTS!
According to published reports the New York Mets have just traded young stud outfielder Lastings Milledge to the Washington Nationals for Ryan Church and Brian Schneider.

I shit you not!


Milledge was the Met's #1 bargaining chip for GM Omar Mineya and yet all they got was an average catcher and a 4th outfielder in the deal. The Mets need pitching so unless the guys they just acquired are used for trade chips to get a starting pitcher like Dan Haren then this was a horrible move. This might wind up there as bad of a deal as when they traded Scott Kazmir to the Rays for Victor Zambrano.

Looks like GM Jim Bowden picked up a great player of the future in Milledge. If the 23 year old kid can keep his head straight he should have a great career playing in the new ballpark in Washington.

If you hear a roar in the distance it's Phillies and Braves fans laughing their asses off and cheering for this trade. The Mets just took another step in the wrong direction.

OH NO, HERE WE GO AGAIN
It was only a matter of time before Sean Taylor's death became the media's obsession with race issues. Surely not the first to open the can of worms, FoxSports Jason Whitlock writes his views in surprising candor...

"Within hours of his death, there was a story circulating that members of the black press were complaining that news outlets were disrespecting Taylor's victimhood by reporting on his troubled past

No disrespect to Taylor, but he controlled the way he would be remembered by the way he lived. His immature, undisciplined behavior with his employer, his run-ins with law enforcement, which included allegedly threatening a man with a loaded gun, and the fact a vehicle he owned was once sprayed with bullets are all pertinent details when you've been murdered.

Let's cut through the bull(manure) and deal with reality. Black men are targets of black men. Period. Go check the coroner's office and talk with a police detective. These bullets aren't checking W-2s.

Rather than whine about white folks' insensitivity or reserve a special place of sorrow for rich athletes, we'd be better served mustering the kind of outrage and courage it took in the 1950s and 1960s to stop the white KKK from hanging black men from trees."

Whitlock just flamed the fire with those statements. Whether or not you agree with him is not the point, but it irritates me that it takes a famous athlete dying to promote outrage over a senseless murder. From all accounts I have read and seen, Taylor was not this thug he is being made out to be. The gun incident in 2005 was him brandishing his legal gun to the individual or individuals who were trying to steal his personal property which happened to be one of his all terrain vehicles. It was no different than if somebody tried to steal your car or broke into your house. Under our laws we have the right to bear arms to protect ourselves and our property. So please stop labeling Taylor a thug because of the misinformed gun incident of 2005.

And from all accounts since Taylor's daughter was born his life had changed for the better if you ask people who actually knew him. Redskin teammate Clinton Portis had this to say to the Washington Post:

“It’s hard to expect a man to grow up overnight. But ever since he had this child it was like a new Sean. And everybody around here knew it. He was always smiling, always happy, always talking about his child.”

I was hoping that some how, some way, the media would not make Taylor's death
a race issue. It isn't a race issue but more a social economical issue. People were jealous of Taylor's wealth and took it out on him. Whether or not you are black, white, or whatever melatonin your skin is shouldn't matter especially when it comes to somebody being murdered.

Taylor was a victim of a brutal crime plain and simple. For this reason we should all hope that whom ever is responsible be caught and given swift justice. This is the America I love.

GEORGIA TECH INTERVIEWING UCONN'S EDSALL
Well it appears the Yellow Jackets have taken my warning to heart with Slick Rick and are now interviewing UCONN's head football coach Randy Edsall for the position at Tech.

Connecticut football coach Randy Edsall left his school's campus on Thursday to interview for the Georgia Tech job, The Hartford Courant, citing unnamed sources, reported on its Web site.

Edsall would be the most logical of choices for Tech considering he has proven himself at Connecticut and is a former defensive coordinator at Tech back in 1998.

The question remains though if they hire Edsall what happens with interim/defensive coordinator coach Jon Tenuta? Tech's defense has been ranked high in most defensive categories since Tenuta took over and it could become interesting to see if Edsall retains him or brings in a whole new coaching staff. If I were Tech I would be inquiring who was Edsall's choice to bring in for offensive coordinator. Current offensive coordinator John Bond failed in his first season on the Flats to develop QB Taylor Bennett and I would presume his position would be filled by somebody else.

BRETT FAVRE INJURED, OUT OF GAME
CLICK HERE FOR THE LATEST ALONG WITH A LIVE, FREE FEED OF THE GAME TONIGHT. It's a right elbow injury and Aaron Rodgers is in the game.

TOMMY TUBERVILLE TO ARKANSAS

KNWA of Arkansas is reporting that current Auburn Head Coach Tommy Tuberville has agreed to take the Arkansas head coaching position replacing Houston Nutt.

Shit fire boys and gals, I must admit I am completely shocked by this move by Tuberville. It seems like a step down in my opinion. Must have been some major ass $$$ involved. I'm talking more money than they give Darren McFadden.

TAMPA RAYS BALLPARK PLANS
Apparently what ever architect drew up the plans for the new Tampa Bay Rays stadium has an affinity for acid and grew up a Montreal Expos fan. This monstrosity is inspired by sail boats (not kidding) and even includes a 320-foot-tall mast that would essentially cover the field when it rains. Think of it as thousands of feet of plastic wrap that will probably get blown away when the first hurricane comes through.

Or maybe they could use it to protect the players and fans from all the seagull shit that will surely rain down.

The initial "ballpark" estimate in cost is $700 million for the new Tropicana project. Not one single brick would be used for the stadium because officials down in Tampa want to shun the "retro" look of ballparks today and make something uniquely their own. Rrriiiggghhhttt!


You stay classy Tampa!

SAY IT AIN'T SO GEORGIA TECH
The latest rumor around Bobby Dodd Stadium is Rick Neuheisel might be getting the offer for head coach. The AJC has the full report here about Raven's coach Brian Billick pushing Neuheisel onto the Yellow Jacket's hands.

First off, "Slick Rick" is a shady ass coach. He's used ineligible players and committed multiple NCAA rule infractions including feathering his hair with his vagina.

He would be a horrible, I repeat HORRIBLE hire for Georgia Tech. Currently he is the offensive coordinator for the Baltimore Ravens. Yep, he is one of the guys in charge of developing quarterbacks and putting together an offensive game plan. Last time I checked the Ravens couldn't score worth a shit or develop a quarterback. Sounds familiar doesn't it Tech fans?

Memo to Georgia Tech AD Dan Radakovich: contact Randy Edsall at Connecticut or Brian Kelly at Cincinnati and offer them the job. Better yet get down on your knees and blow. Trust me it works all the time!

DAMN YOU LARUSSA
Well I was going to go to the local Taco Mac to watch the Cowboys-Packers game tonight and knock back a few cold ones since I can't watch it at home because the NFL is a greedy organization. But now after watching this video of Tony Larussa's DUI arrest I think I might stay in and get blitzed alone again! You are a dick Larussa.

The sad part of this arrest is it could have been handled differently if the Jupiter police department took into fact people from St. Louis don't know the alphabet. I must admit I was a little disappointed Larussa wasn't wearing his Peter Gammons-tinted midnight rapist glasses when arrested.

Now you wonder why the Cardinals were such a train wreck last season. Their stinking manager can't handle two glasses of wine, how is he suppose to handle a double switch and a future Mitchell report just waiting to reveal his superstar slugger as a drug enhancing user. And no, I'm not talking about Rick Ankiel.

HT: Withleather via FanHouse

SEC POON UPDATE: GEORGIA BULLDOGS
Head on over to Poon of the SEC for their latest findings in Atlanta for the Georgia/Georgia Tech game. Of course I was down in Atlanta tailgating(in other words drinking) and it was easy to spot the UGA Poon. The whole school is dripping with hotties left and right.

On the other hand you have Georgia Tech. Umm, how do I put this politely? I'll let this video do the talking...

I think my dick just broke off watching it.

And no Georgia Fans, that is not Trinton Sturdivant in the jeans. He ain't that fucking big.

MLB HOT STOVE ACTION
With the winter meetings heating up I figured I should add my two cents to some of the rumors and signings already made.

First off I hate the Tom Glavine signing by the Braves. The Braves had two reliable starters last season in John Smoltz and Tim Hudson but after that the rotation consisted of 5 day old Mexican food. Instead of going after a couple of great lefties still in their prime like Johan Santana and Erik Bedard, they instead wasted $8 million on a washed up semen rag of a pitcher.
Don't get me wrong, Glavine is a Hall of Fame pitcher and would be worth having 10 years ago. But now he blows. Plus he is an enormous douchebag who is all about the money. He left Atlanta for the Mets in 2002 because the Mets offered up a deal worth a few million dollars more than the Braves offered. Glavine is the epitome of what is wrong with today's player$. In short I hope he fucking blows his elbow out and his name appears on the Mitchell Report. He deserves it and don't get fooled by the lovey dovey bullshit about him taking a hometown discount of $8 million to come back to the Braves. With the Braves losing Andruw Jones and Edgar Renteria and only adding shithead Glavine I think they have taken a step back.

Moving along, how in the hell did Torii Hunter get $90 million? I know the guy is a gold glove centerfielder but didn't the Angels just overpay in order to sign Gary Matthew Jr. last season to play centerfield? I'm confused. Hunter is a good player and sometimes deserves to be an All-Star but he is no superstar. It scares me to think of what Andruw Jones will get in the open market because he is a much better player than Torii. Hunter will never be worth the amount of money the Angels paid him because he isn't a star player like Vlad. But fuck it, it's not my money and the Angels still can't decide if they are playing their games in Anaheim or Los Angeles.

Who will trade for Johan Santana? That is the potentially $200 million dollar question. If the Red Sox include stud centerfielder of the present/future in Jacoby Ellsbury along with Jon Lester, Justin Masterson, and Jed Lowrie then the deal will be made. If I was the Red Sox I wouldn't trade Ellsbury because I think he will be a great player for a long time plus Lester has the potential to be a really good middle of the rotation starter. But of course dominating lefty starters don't grow on trees and Santana would be filthy in a Sox uni. So if your Theo Epstein you have to make the decision of keeping future stars which could help build a dynasty in the next 5-10 years or you can get Santana and be THE dynasty right now. Also the fucking Yankees come into play and you know they would jump at the chance to get Santana after overpaying to resign Mariano Rivera and Jorge Posado. Reportedly the Yankees don't want to give up Joba Chamberlain in a deal and if this is true they are idiots. Chamberlain will flame out in 2-3 years.

The Baltimore Orioles are looking to rebuild...haha, I'm sorry, haven't they been rebuilding for a decade now? Excuse me while I wipe the blood spewing from my ears. Fucking Angelos. Any who, the O's are taking offers for stud lefty starter Bedard,
shortstop/going to switch to thirdbaseman Miguel Tejada, and thirdbaseman Melvin Mora. Supposedly the Angels and Dodgers are the two most heavily involved with talks for Bedard. Bedard still has two years left on his current contract and is just reaching the prime of his career. The O's should be able to get at least 2 high end prospects along with a relief pitcher for Bedard. He posted better numbers than Santana last year while playing on a horrible team. If the Dodgers are willing to trade Clayton Kershaw and Matt Kemp then I think the O's should make the trade. Kershaw is a future stud lefty and Kemp could step in and play centerfield immediately for the Orioles. Plus the Dodgers get a great lefty in Bedard who would be huge for them in overtaking the Diamondbacks and the Rockies in their division.

As for Miguel Tejada, the O's should ask for Brandon Wood from the Angels and nothing more. The Angels need a shortstop and Tejada would be a great bat for their lineup protecting Vlad. Wood would be the O's future 3B and help the rebuilding process by coming up in a lineup with present superstar in the making in Nick Markakis and a future one in draft pick Matt Wieters. I repeat the O's have to make these trades if they are serious about being a competitive team in the AL East. If you ask any O's fan if they would be happy with a future middle of the lineup consisting of Markakis, Kemp, Wood, and Wieters they would probably rip your pants down and fellate away. In regards to Melvin Mora they should trade him to the Phillies for a couple of pitching prospects.

The St. Louis Cardinals need a shortstop after declining their option on David Eckstein. Jack Wilson would be a good fit in St. Louis while packaging him with Matt Morris for one of the Cardinals young pitchers.

Kudos goes out to the Twins and Rays for making a blockbuster trade yesterday. The Twins get Delmon Young who should develop into a great hitter after finishing second in the ROY voting this season. The Rays get young righty starter Matt Garza which gives them an extremely talented young rotation with Scott Kazmir and Jamie Shields. I know the Rays suck ass but a lot of teams would kill just to have one of those three young guns in their rotation. With that being said I'm sure the Rays will find some way to screw it up.

WAIT A SECOND, THAT CAN NOT BE...

I finally got all my shit together and was getting ready to write a good article about the latest MLB Hot Stove rumors going on and then I came upon this picture. Now that I have seen it I have to question everything I see on television. I mean there is no way an actress like her could let herself go this way. I heard she just got engaged and now wonder if she fell madly in love with a Dunkin Donuts manager.

Anyways, don't send your hate mail to me. This is BarstoolSports fault! I'm still trying to convince myself it isn't real.

Oh yeah, click here to see who it is.

WTF HAPPENED TO SNOOP DOGG?

What you just watched above is Snoop's new video for Sensual Seduction. I'm not sure what I think about it other than I miss the old Snoop. I miss the sexual deviant who would poor out his juice on his ho's heads and shit. This Sensual Seduction song is the shit you hear on the dance floor when all the girls decide to pick their drunk mate for the night. I guess the song is good for most guys in a way because it will get girls all ready to bone but I think it sounds cheesy. Plus I hate those stupid ass clubs like FEVER here in Atlanta that all the douchebags go to and spike up their frosted hair while dancing with their girls/whores/strippers who are really just out looking for more blow. This is where this song is destined to be played for the next 2 years. I don't want to hear it at my local watering hole while I cry into my dark Guinness and wonder why I smell and look like an old tent with urine stains. Anyways, be ready to be bombarded with this song every hour for the next 6 months if you listen to the radio.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL TOP 10
Just one more regular season weekend in this bat shit crazy, makes no effing sense college football season. Of course last week we had the top 2 teams go down faster than Britney Spears on a McDonald's french fry so you know this week should be another week of upsets. This week's top 10 is brought to you by Big Funbags who bring you beer.

1. Missouri Tigers-Chase Daniel made Kansas his bitch last week in Arrowhead Stadium. He told her what he was going to do and then did it without any hesitation. I still can't believe I have Mizzou, fucking Mizzou, as the #1 team in the country. More than likely it will be short lived after they lose to Oklahoma in the Big 12 Championship.

2. West Virginia Mountaineers-People are already starting to pile on West Virginia saying they have benefited from an easy schedule and shouldn't get the chance to play for the NC. I'm not one of them. I think the backfield quartet of Pat White, Steve Slaton, Owen Schmitt, and Noel Devine would run all over teams like LSU and USC. They are now in the dreaded #2 spot which has been hell on all other occupants. They have Pitt this week. If Dave Wanny wasn't their coach I would pick Pitt in an upset. West Virginia will destroy Pitt in Morgantown.

3. Ohio State Buckeyes-Played a bullshit schedule and almost went undefeated. If they manage to squeeze into the BCS Title game they could be embarrassed again.

4. Georgia Bulldogs-The hottest team in college football right now, the Dawgs destroyed the Yellow Jackets last week but still are not playing in the SEC Championship this week thanks to the Volunteers win over Kentucky. A Rose Bowl match up with USC would be great TV.

5. LSU Tigers-Les Miles needs to shut his fucking mouth and stop campaigning for his team's right to go to the BCS Title game. You lost two games to a 5 loss team and a 4 loss team. Shut your damn pie hole and just take the Michigan job already.

6. Kansas Jayhawks-The Fighting Mangino's gave it their all against Mizzou but just came short on the scoreboard. Nothing to hang your head about, Kansas fans should be ecstatic they are going to a BCS game. I tip my hat to their unbelievable season so far.

7. Oklahoma Sooners-They get a chance to beat Mizzou twice in one season while also playing for a Big 12 Championship and a right to a BCS game. It should be plenty of motivation along with a healthy Sam Bradford to ruin Mizzou's season.

8. USC Trojans-Dude, you lost to fucking Stanford and still have a shot at winning the PAC-10 with a win over the horrendous UCLA Bruins. Just another reason to punch any dipshit who tries to make an argument that the PAC-10 is in the same league as the SEC.

9. Virginia Tech-They are having their typical Frank Beamer season racking up 9-10 wins against inferior competition. Congrats on that, now go beat Boston College in the ACC Championship.

10. Hawaii Warriors-I was wrong about this team last week. They are the best Non-BCS conference team in the land. If they beat Washington this week they have earned a right to play in a BCS bowl game only because I would rather watch them play then some boring ass ACC team.

Just missed the cut: Florida Gators, Illinois Fighting Illini, Arizona State SunDevils, Boston College Eagles

TO ALL NEW YORKERS
This is the perfect cartoon tribute in honor of all your insane babbling. The BCS is broken down by the #1 Giants fan in the whole wide New York Metropolis. As I have always said, New York is where crazy assholes are born to live and Florida is where they eventually go to bitch and die.


Hmmm, Boston Can Suck it, I think I like it. Fuck, I'm becoming one of those a-holes. Must abort Carl from memory!

Video: WithLeather via Adultswim

THE COACHING CAROUSEL
It didn't take long for Ole Miss to find their new coach in Houston Nutt. Erik over at DeepSouthSports gives his take with guarded optimism. The crazy bastard brings lunacy to a program that for my lifetime has always sucked and probably always will blow nuts minus the one season David Cutcliffe was there with Eli Manning. And oh yeah, good job firing Cutcliffe by the way Ole Miss and replacing him with the Ragin Cajun Ogre and only giving him 3 years! Clearly this was a racist move on their part. Ogre racism must not be tolerated. Guys like Mark Mangino, Ralph Friedgen, and Charlie Weis would still be coordinators eating 5000 calories a day while sitting in a dark room drawing up plays with french fries and Little Debbies.

Anyways, here is a rather hysterical look at the butchering of college football coaches by no other than America's favorite Governator...

Kudos to TigerDroppings for the clip.

R.I.P. SEAN TAYLOR
This morning Sean Taylor, aka the best college safety I have ever seen play, died from a gunshot wound to his leg. Taylor was a warrior on the field and seemed to be turning his life around after some run-ins with the law and it is just a shame to see his life cut short at the age of 24.

While at the University of Miami Taylor developed into the best college safety to possibly ever play the game. He could hit. And I don't mean love taps, I mean this mofo could lay down the wood on opposing receivers. He also could run. When he got the ball in his hands he was like fellow Hurricane Ed Reed in that he had the ability to take it to the house for a pick 6.

My condolences go out to his family. He died trying to protect his family in his own home and I think everybody can agree we would have done the same thing and protected the ones we love. I hope the authorities can find the person or people responsible for this senseless tragedy and bring justice as swiftly and ferociously as Sean Taylor hit receivers on the playing field.

Godspeed Taylor...


And here are some highlights from his Wrecking Crew days at Da U...

ERIC CARTMAN DOING COLORADO INTRODUCTIONS
Ha, those damn Boulder hippies with their butt kissers...

HOUSTON NUTT'S HAVE BEEN CHOPPED
Another one bites the dust. Joining Ted Roof, Chan Gailey, Bill Callahan, Dennis Franchione, Ed Orgeron, and Lloyd Carr in the not coming back club because their alumni hate their fucking guts. Nutt will be sorely missed by all of the Arkansas faithful. In fact, we wanted to get some video footage of the fans paying homage to the Lord Nutt Bag but we felt like showing Necks urinating and defecating on Houston's front yard would be a little too embarrassing and controversial for this holy blog.

So we leave you with this, a Real Men of Genius tribute to Nutt, in other words called just give the damn ball to D-MAC and let him do his thing you crazy bastard...

SORRY KREMER, BELICHICK IS A BIGGER MAN THAN YOU
Wes Walker knows who his sugar momma is and it isn't you Andrea Kremer!

The "Coming Mommy" statement from Al Michaels was disturbing and awkward, like the first time you saw Zed's dungeon in Pulp Fiction.

Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing

CHAN GAILEY OUT, GEORGIA FANS WORLDWIDE SHED A TEAR
The latest lame duck coach to get fired is Chan Gailey. Somewhere Yellow Jacket fans will rejoice, toast their Zimas, and get back to licking their own nuts because no one else will do it. And by nuts I mean testicles, both on the men and women for those who have never been to a Georgia Tech football game.

Anyways, it was obvious why Gailey needed to be canned. He finished 0-6 against the Bulldogs. His overall record was 44-32 with a 28-20 ACC record which just wasn't going to cut it especially when the Florida State's and Miami's of the conference were playing like shit and yet Tech still couldn't manage to win an ACC Championship.

I have no idea who will be the next Tech coach but unless they somehow manage to get George O'Leary back they are not going to beat Georgia for a long time. Georgia brought their C game on Saturday and still handled the Yellow Jackets with relative ease.

Bobby Ross is available!

IT'S OFFICIAL: POLICE GUARD DOGS ARE RACIST ASSHOLES
This little gem is from Saturday night's Iron Bowl. Now I could understand a dog attacking a player if it was a game between USC and Miami because we all know if they don't make the NFL after college they will eventually go to jail in their lifetime. And of course that is no guarantee with all the OJ Simpson's and Sean Taylor's of the world. Maybe the dog is a secret BAMA fan who was hired by Nick Saban to bite the Auburn players in their own stadium.

I don't know, you be the judge: Racist BAMA dog or just a good boy!



Video HT: TheWizardofOdds

MY NEW FAVORITE REFEREE

ACC ref Walt Cherry tells it like it is. #69 was clearly "giving him the business" and for this you must be punished. I love refs that are honest and tell it like it is.

HT: AwfulAnnouncing via Mr Irrelevant

LOU HOLTZ WEEKLY PEP TALK
You know the Jayhawks have hit the big time when Lou Holtz is giving you pep talks...

The game of the year in College Football starts Saturday night at 8 pm on ABC. If you miss watching it for any other reason then family emergency(must be relative in household), death, passed out drunk then don't ever come back to this blog because I hate you already!

D-MAC BACK IN HEISMAN RACE

Darren McFadden put Arkansas on his broad shoulders and led them to a huge upset over the #1 ranked LSU Tigers. Running for 3 touchdowns and throwing for another, D-MAC rushed for 206 yards against a stout Tigers defense to up his season total to 1725. Will it be enough to vault him back to the top of the Heisman race? It all depends on what Tim Tebow does tomorrow against Florida State. If he shits the bed so to speak then I think McFadden has left the best memory in the Heisman voters heads. But if Tebow has his typical 4 touchdown game then he is the winner even if the Gators lose tomorrow. You simply can't ignore the ridiculous Playstation game stats Tebow has put up in the always rough and tough SEC this season.

So who are you taking? The Ultimate QB campaign or the D-MAC for Hei5man campaign?

Honestly I would not have a problem with either one of them winning. Both are tremendous athletes and are playing at the top of their game. And both guys are really great players and not just average talent like Troy Smith or Jason White who only won it because they played on great teams.

WEEKEND PICKS
Loosen up the belt a couple of notches and dive into these Thanksgiving weekend picks.
NEBRASKA +3.5 AT COLORADO
The Cornhuskers finally got their shit together and crushed Kansas State last week. The Buffs have been up and down all season and their recent trend is down. Who ever wins this game gets a bowl invitation to the Alzheimers Classic.
Prediction: Nebraska 27 Colorado 24

ARKANSAS +13.5 AT LSU
The Razorbacks know their coach Houston Nutt is on the way out and this will be a huge motivation tool for the players to play their A game this Friday. On the opposite end you have LSU who knows their coach Les Miles is going to ditch them after the season for Michigan. I think this game will be extremely close to the bitter drunk end.
Prediction: LSU 35 Arkansas 28

TEXAS -7 AT TEXAS A&M
The Aggies have been playing like garbage all season long. They beat the Longhorns last year but Colt McCoy and company remember the sting all too well. Good bye Franchione, this will be a blowout.
Prediction: Texas 42 Texas A&M 14

BOISE STATE +3 AT HAWAII
I like the Broncos in this one because I think they are the better team. In a game full of hideous uniforms and fat Samoans, the Broncos will end Hawaii's dream season and any chance of Colt Brennan getting invited to New York City.
Prediction: Boise State 254 Hawaii 252

VIRGINIA TECH -3.5 AT VIRGINIA
The Cavaliers have been scraping by every week until they met the heartless Hurricanes. Unfortunately for the Cavaliers the Hokies team they face on Saturday has a lot of heart and wants to play for the ACC Championship. Cavalier fans will cry into their apple martini's after this one.
Prediction: Hokies 20 Virginia 10

TENNESSEE AT KENTUCKY -2.5
The Wildcats haven't beaten the Volunteers in like a billion years. If the Vols win this one they will go the SEC Championship only to get destroyed by LSU. It isn't going to happen. Andre' Woodson plays the game of his life and helps the Georgia Bulldogs reach the SEC Title game.
Prediction: Kentucky 24 Tennessee 20

CONNECTICUT +17.5 AT WEST VIRGINIA
This seems like way too big of a spread for this game. I will take the Huskies with the points, West Virginia with the win.
Prediction: West Virginia 38 UCONN 28

OREGON AT UCLA +1.5
No Dennis Dixon means a Leaf gets to show his stuff. Big Ruh Roh on that one for the Ducks.
Prediction: UCLA 17 Oregon 14

GEORGIA -4 AT GEORGIA TECH
This game will be over by the third quarter unless Tashard Choice has a great game. The Bulldogs are more talented at every position on the field and are better coached. I'm actually kind of shocked the spread is so little. Special K will have a game to remember. It was good knowing you Chan Gailey.
Prediction: Georgia 42 Georgia Tech 20

NOTRE DAME +3.5 AT STANFORD
When was the last time the Irish actually won their last game of the season? I believe it was right before the Pilgrims destroyed the Indians with smallpox. The Irish are undefeated on the left coast this season and Jimmy Clausen will feel right at home in his native state. The Irish finally put together a winning streak.
Prediction: Notre Dame 35 Stanford 31

FSU +14 AT FLORIDA
I think the Seminoles will be able to put points on the board against the horrible Gator's secondary to keep them in the game. Tebow will be too much for the Criminoles to handle though.
Prediction: Florida 28 Florida State 24

MISSOURI +1.5 AT KANSAS
The game of the year as it should be called, this traditional rival will be a great one in Arrowhead Stadium. The Jayhawks come in undefeated behind the steady play of Todd Reesing. The Tigers come in smoking behind an incredible offense led by Chase Daniel and Jeremy Maclin. Who ever wins gets the chance to play Oklahoma for the Big 12 Championship.
Prediction: Mizzou 45 Kansas 35

IRON BOWL
Nick Saban is a douche!
Prediction: Auburn 26 Alabama 10

ANDREA KRAEMER WANTS THE BRADY D

Wow, that was awkward. Kraemer just laid it out there.

"See you next Sunday" she says as she bats her fake Jersey girl eyelashes as her panties slowly wet themselves. I think if I am Tom Brady, and thank god I'm not because seriously, the guy has an asshole for a chin, I would be getting some serious ribbing from my teammates.

I wonder if Randy Moss has fucked with his psyche and sent him some fake Kraemer love notes along with some granny panties from one of his ho's. This could get very interesting. I could see one of the dickheads from the 1972 Dolphins putting Andrea up to this. Or maybe she just really craves the Brady D.

Somewhere Giselle is steaming mad over this. Or is she?

By "steaming mad" I mean fondling herself while thinking of Sportscrack love sessions.

Video via Deadspin

FRAT BOYS

I don't really have a reason to post this sketch other than I thought it was funny. Seeing Christopher from the Sopranos hanging with Will Ferrell while acting like douchebag Frat Boys is funny you know. And by funny I mean shit in your pants till you can't shit anymore and then you just have your guts spilling out type funny.

CHRIS DOG...WE'RE #1!!

EXCESSIVE CELEBRATION?

HT: BarstoolSports

EXCUSE ME

I just found this wonderful groin tingling website of the Reef Girls Competition. I don't know what Reef Girls are but I do know they will now haunt me in my dreams and I am thinking about getting a one way ticket to Chile to watch the next contest. I think I'm going to have to cancel the Vegas bachelor party, it can't measure up to something like this. Beach, babes, hot weather, thongs, booze. You know what, fuck, I'm at a lost for words right now. Here are some other pictures...





I told her to stop staring at me but she won't listen.

HUSKER NATION: FEAR THE KATY, COME FOR THE MOTOR BOATS
Our buddy MacG found this glorious video about the strange, insane, often bizarre yet some what wonderful psychotic football world in the minds of Nebraska football fans. See, MacG is an insufferable Cornhusker's fan who longs for the days of Tom Osborne roaming the sidelines while they ran the I-formation down opponent's throats and stuffed the run with the Blackshirts defense. Now a days the only thing you can call the Nebraska defense is the Black Skirts.

Most of us don't know what being a Nebraska fan is like, well now you can get a little glimpse.

Fear the Katy.

But always come back for the motor boats from the lovely Nikki...

I love you Nikki!

JIM DON'T DO IT
Hey Mr. Knox, please don't jump on that semen stained rough surface couch in Manhattan, you might..oh shit, never mind, go get em Cowboy...

DON'T FUCK WITH THE GREEN TEAM
And remember, don't be a dick, recycle your glass dildos and wrap up your feces in tin foil...

LLOYD CARR STEPS DOWN, LET THE DOMINOES BEGIN

This morning to no one's surprise Lloyd Carr resigned/retired/was going to get fired as Michigan's Head Football Coach after 13 seasons which included 5 Big Ten Championships and 1 National Championship. Not being a Carr fan for obvious reasons, I respect Carr for the way he went out and decided to do it now in order to help Michigan find the right coach and recruit. As we all know LSU Head Coach Les Miles is the leading candidate to replace him and thus if he decides to take the job as I expect he would it would create a domino effect in the college coaching fraternity.

When Les Miles leaves LSU to go back to his alma mater it will then open up one of the best coaching jobs in the nation at LSU. The Tigers of Baton Rouge are stacked with NFL ready talent at all positions and again will be a contender for the National Title next season with Ryan Perrilioux stepping in at QB(granted he isn't suspended or arrested during the offseason). Who will replace Miles remains a mystery. The leading candidate would be current defensive coordinator Bo Pelini but he could take the job at Nebraska once Bill Callahan is fired. Right now I think the best coach for Nebraska is current Buffalo coach Turner Gill who is a former player at Nebraska. He has managed to turn around a terrible football program in Buffalo in just his second season.

Other coaching positions likely to open up include Texas A&M(Dennis Franchione is a fraud), Georgia Tech(Chan Gailey is good for a max of 7 wins but not much more), UCLA(Sorry, Karl Dorrell is not the long term answer for the Bruins), Washington(because they are racist and don't want a shitty coach) and possibly Auburn if Tommy Tuberville gets wooed by the Aggies once they buy out Franchione.

Personally I can't wait to see how Miles handles all the Michigan questions. In a season full of upsets and surprises it will be very interesting to see how the LSU team responds the next two weeks despite all the distractions with a probable coaching switch. The LSU fans are going to be irrate when Miles says he wants to stay in LSU and focus on the season lying ahead to only fuck them in the end by bolting for Michigan shortly after their bowl game. It's inevitable.

It will also create a major clusterfuck in terms of recruiting. With as many as 5 major college football programs undergoing changes in coaching personnel, a lot of recruits are going to back out of commitments and look else where. Guys like Pete Carroll, Urban Meyer, Charlie Weis, and Jim Tressel know how to get players to switch allegiances so we could see a lot of bickering and bitching among college football fans about teams poaching recruits.

This is just another reason why college football is such a great spectator sport. All the shit that happens off the field makes it interesting year round.

Let the blood bath begin.

NEW SHIRT
We call it the "Special K" shirt because of the amazing things #24 has done on the field this year in Athens. On the front of the shirt we have the "Special K" emblem which we hope you like. We were inspired by some rugby designs because it seems when KnowMo is out there he is always spinning, juking, making people miss and giving everything he has 100% of the time. On the back of the shirt is his number 24 with the Sportscrack logo above it.

We are taking pre-orders now. Be sure to spread the word to all the fans of Special K and Georgia...