CARL FROM ADULTSWIM.COM

I fucking love this guy...

"My Jessica Simpson wig...worked like a freaking charm man!"

TERRELL OWENS CRYING: PRICELESS

Owens finally found his one true love and his name is Tony Homo...umm, Romo. I'm not a huge NFL fan but I love the drama in the game with how quickly players can be cut and lose their salary, the injuries, the crazy owners, the confused coaches, and of course high strung emotional players like Terrell Owens. He looks like he is auditioning for a part for "Jerry McGuire 2". TO let me help you. Go get some therapy or do some pushups in your driveway. Honestly I love seeing players get emotional but I don't know if I buy it from him. This guy has thrown more teammates and QB's under the bus during his career than Urban Meyer lies to recruits in order to get them to Florida.

Shine on you crazy diamond!

OVECHKIN NOW KING OF NHL SALARY

The Washington Capitals signed superstar Alexander Ovechkin to a 13 year, $124 million dollar contract making him the richest NHL player ever.

I've seen Ovechkin play in person three times against the Thrashers and also have seen Sidney Crosby a couple of times in person and I honestly think Ovechkin is the better player. The kid is sick with the puck and has the ability to score 700 plus goals over his career. So I guess the question remains if he can be as marketable as a Crosby.

No.

Unfortunately for Ovechkin the kid has the Russian curse of butt nasty cro-magnon face disorder. It shouldn't matter but it does in marketing. The face is what sells as much as the game. So I guess what I'm trying to say is don't expect to see Ovechkin in any Jockey briefs. Actually thank God for that one. Teenage girls don't swoon over ugly Russian dudes but they do love their Tom Brady. But it shouldn't matter anyways. The kid is already a great player. Maybe the best in the league and I congratulate him and would love for him to be the spokes model for Sportscrack. I can pay in Stoli Alexander. Maybe even "hook you up" with the FUSC girl.

SO YOU ARE TELLING ME THERE IS A CHANCE

ESPN's Len Pasquarelli is reporting the flirtation between USC head coach Pete Carroll and Atlanta Falcon's owner Arthur Blank is reciprocal at this point despite some reports of Carroll uninterested.

In fact, on Thursday, Carroll was still in contact with coaches who likely would be assistants on his staff if he was offered and accepted the job here.

Carroll had yet to apprise the Falcons of that as of late Thursday night. Team officials still believed there was a chance Carroll would consider the job and a source close to the USC coach acknowledged late Thursday that, while he would probably remain with the Trojans, the Falcons' flirtation "is not quite a dead issue yet."

As the saying goes "where there is smoke there must be fire" and the fact that Carroll hasn't come out already saying he has no interest in the job must mean he is really intrigued by what Blank is offering. There also has to be another side to this story because let's be completely honest: The Falcons are a fucking mess right now. Either Carroll wants the challenge of rebuilding a team much like he did in Southern Cal or the money Blank is throwing at him is ridiculous($8-10 million a year is my guess) or Carroll knows the proverbial shit is about to hit the fan with NCAA sanctions coming down with the Reggie Bush investigation.

The good thing about the NFL is you can turn around a team pretty quickly because of the strict salary cap set in place. The Falcons may be horrible right now but I'm sure Carroll knows you are always a couple of players away from contending for the playoffs especially in the weak NFC. I mean look at what the Green Bay Packers are doing this season. No one in their right mind thought Brett Favre and company would win 13 games this season but all it took was a Pro Bowl season from himself and RB Ryan Grant emerging from the ashes of undrafted NFL free agency plus some good coaching by Mike Mularkey and instantly in one season they are a serious NFC Title contender.

I still don't believe Carroll will take the job unless Blank offers him a shit load of money with executive powers. As of this moment it looks like Blank is trying to find a GM to work with the coach so I doubt Carroll would be intrigued with that scenario. But as we all know coaching is a weird business especially the last couple of years where a coach has left a great job because they get antsy and want to prove to themselves and everybody else they can win no matter where they go.

If Carroll doesn't come out soon and say he has no interest in the job expect him to be looking at it real closely. If this is the case expect some serious doubt in USC current recruiting class as to whether USC would be the best place to play especially with Carroll departing and NCAA sanctions looming.

THE MOST DISTURBING TRAILER

Apparently the girl from "The Lord of the Rings" has teeth down there. I'm not sure who green lighted this movie but they obviously need to be drug out into Times Square and given a public execution. This is sick man! After watching it I'm not going to lie, I felt like burning all my clothes while crying and telling myself everything is going to be okay while sucking my thumb. I just want to get the visual out of my head before I become a born again virgin Christian.

Video HT: Barstool Sports

TARNISHED HEISMAN

Adam Rose of the LA Times got a review copy of the new Reggie Bush book called "Tarnished Heisman" which is set for release on January 15th. There are some interesting nuggets in the book including this info which was provided to Rose:

Back on the negative side for USC fans, the book's accounting says $47,000 went directly to Bush out of the overall $291,000 that went to his family. That makes it hard to deny he knew what was going on. While the photo section lacks any photocopied receipts, bank statements, or otherwise, the Author's Note says that a website will publish much of it. As of this blog post the site (www.tarnishedheisman.com) has not gone live.

It should be interesting to see what if anything comes out of this whole situation. It makes me wonder how much Pete Carroll and his staff knew at the time about the whole Bush situation. Even though it is impossible to know everything about all your players I think it is safe to presume USC officials and their compliance office had to have some idea or knowledge of these rule violations happening around one of their star players at the time.

I think it became even more painfully obvious when USC denied Bush credentials to the Rose Bowl last season. USC is going to try to distance themselves away from Bush as much as possible especially now with what appears to be a credible hard copy book being released by noted publisher Pocket Books and written by former Sports Illustrated's editor and investigative reporter Don Yaeger.

I'm not sure if the Heisman committee would strip Bush of his trophy even if he is guilty. There has been no precedence in a case like this and Bush could continue to deny the allegations ala Clemens and Bonds without facing any real sanctions from the NCAA because of one rogue agent who obviously preyed on a college athlete and his family.

But then again what is the point of having rules and regulations if the NCAA doesn't enforce them? Maybe we should ask Miles Brand.

MALLETT, MANNINGHAM AND ARRINGTON LEAVING MICHIGAN

Well it's become painfully clear for Michigan fans new head coach Rich Rodriguez is completely starting with a new slate of personnel in his coaching staff and now his student-athletes. I put student in there because it's a fun word. We all know Michigan doesn't educate their "students". Just ask former Wolverine QB Jim Harbaugh.

The new Rodriguez regime has now pushed out their two best receivers in Mario Manningham and Adrian Arrington out of Ann Arbor and into future NFL $$$ while also leaving the roster without a quarterback with any game action with the transfer of freshman Ryan Mallett who will become a star in the right system. In fact Rodriguez more than welcomed the departure of Mallett with a nice little parting shot:

"I don't care," Rodriguez said. "He's not playing for Michigan. I'm concerned with who's playing for Michigan."

Dick Rod's message to Mallett was also a clear message to prep phenom and Michigan's #1 target QB Terrelle Pryor he wants him really badly. If you don't observe Urban Meyer's tactics you would know right now is a dead period in recruiting and thus coaches can not contact recruits. But Dick Rod's message of "he's not playing for Michigan" is aimed directly to Pryor's ears and essentially means this: GET ON BOARD NOW BEFORE MICHIGAN IS TOTALLY FUCKED!

If Michigan doesn't get Pryor then red shirt freshman David Cone will be the starter next season. In other words the atmosphere around Ann Arbor's campus during game days would not be pleasant. Anarchy would be one of the first words that comes to mind with Cone(not the jormer Blue Jay) as the starter next season. You thought Notre Dame football was bad well next season could potentially be worse for Michigan with all the losses of star players(Henne, Mallett, Hart, Manningham, Arrington, Long, Kraus, Crable, Graham, and Adams). I predicted earlier that the hiring of Rodriguez by Michigan just seems like a marriage of hell. If Pryor decides to go to Ohio State we might have an annulment in Ann Arbor.

FALCONS AND BLANK WILL NEVER LEARN

Several media outlets, I mean real media not blog stuff, are reporting Atlanta Falcons owner Arthur Blank is pursuing USC head coach Pete Carroll and all I can say is why? Why would Pete Carroll leave beautiful Southern Cal where his team is stacked with talent both on the field and off to go to Atlanta where the Falcons are a complete mess? I guess I can't blame Blank for shooting for the proverbial stars of coaching but did he not already learn from the mistake of hiring Bobby Petrino? College coaches rarely cut it as head coaches in the NFL. Steve Spurrier was a huge embarrassing failure. Carroll has already been a failure on the pro level even if it was just a few seasons with the New England Patriots. Carroll is meant to be a college coach. His goofy fake laid back style works in Southern Cal but I'm sure it wouldn't last in the NFL level.

By the way what happened to Blank hiring a new GM? Shouldn't he be more focused on getting a GM to replace the crap Rich McKay brought in over the years so the GM can make the call on the new coach? I know owners get the final say of who is hired but the GM's job is to find the head coach and if they are still using McKay to find one then Blank is a bigger idiot then I previously thought.

Listen Blank, you are wasting your time trying to talk to Carroll. He turned down overtures from the Miami Dolphins and the Oakland Raiders in the past, there is no reason for him to look at the Atlanta job as any more lucrative or attractive than those two jobs. Go find a good upcoming NFL assistant such as Rex Ryan or Mike Singletary and offer them the job.

Please stop wasting your time and my time with these blindfolded chances that will only leave you with more egg on your face.

NO KOVY IN THE NHL ALL-STAR GAME

I find it hard to believe that the Thrashers Ilya Kovalchuk, the NHL's leading goal scorer and probably it's MVP in the first half did not garner enough votes to be named starter for the East Conference.

Kovalchuk, who finished sixth in Eastern Conference voting with 173,629 votes, leads the NHL with 34 goals and is third in points with 59.

6TH PLACE! Either the Canadians really fucked him over or his own fans in Atlanta simply weren't paying attention to the ballot when they punched their choice. Oh wait, I am one of those fans. In fact I own two authentic Kovy jerseys and routinely lose my voice every time I watch the Thrashers play. But I voted for the guy because I thought he deserved the recognition. The only way a NHL player gets recognition is if they are banging Elisha Cuthbert or some other starlet these days.

The worst part is the All-Star game is in Atlanta this year. Other leagues would have rigged the voting to make sure their host city is represented in the starting lineup but of course Gary Bettman missed out on the whole marketing strategy for this year's game.

Anyways, Kovy is an All-Star starter in my heart. And yes, I have a serious man crush on the guy. He has carried the Thrashers on his back in the first half.

MORE ROGER CLEMENS RUMBLINGS
Yesterday's press conference of Roger Clemen's taped cell phone conversation with Brian McNamee was pretty funny. Not only did Clemens make himself look like more of a jackass liar but he kind of came off as an insensitive prick who only cares about himself but claims he doesn't. His lies are becoming comedy. And now he insists he doesn't care about the Hall of Fame or never did. Sure Roger, Cooperstown doesn't matter despite all the wins and the K's and everybody kissing your ass for so long and now it has stopped. Sure your lies got you millions of dollars and poon in 31 different major league cities but remember lies and deception will always come back to haunt you.

Just ask this guy...
Remember Clemens, cheating only cheats yourself while killing you inside.

CONGRATS TO THE GOOSE
"THE GOOSE" living up to the nickname with the ladies.
Today Goose Gossage became just the 5th reliever in MLB history to be elected to the Hall of Fame. He goes down in history with one of the best porn mustaches of all-time and that alone deserves recognition. He received a staggering 86 percent of votes in this his 9th year up for election. Ironically he played for nine different teams in his 22 seasons and keeping on with the 9 theme he also made 9 All-Star teams. His best years pitching came with the New York Yankees and San Diego Padres, which is German for whale's vagina. This beer is to you Mr. Goose Hall of Fame mustache guy.

And all of you mother fuckers with a pen should stop with the negative bull shit, got that mother fuckers...

I know what you mean Goose, I'm an asshole!

2008 TOP 25
I know, I know, we just finished off the 2007 season and already I am craving college football to come back. It's pathetic but I figured I would write down my top 25 teams going into next season. I'm the same person who hates preseason rankings because I think they shouldn't be allowed so take this for what it is worth...shit! Feel free to comment below or campaign for your team to be rated higher.


1. Georgia Bulldogs-The Bulldogs return a ton of firepower on offense led by QB Matthew Stafford and RB Knowshon Moreno. The defense should be one of the nation's best and look out for incoming freshman WR AJ Green. I smell an Arrelious Benn-type impact if not better from Green.

2. LSU Tigers-The Bayou Bengals are loaded with talent from top to bottom. This is probably a bit high in terms of rankings considering teams that win a BCS Championship usually take a year the next year off but QB Ryan Perrilloux should step in fine for departed senior Matt Flynn.

3. Missouri Tigers-If Tony Temple comes back this team stays in their current ranking. If Temple leaves I drop them around the 10 mark. Chase Daniel and Jeremy Maclin are two big reasons why Mizzou will again be contenders for a NC next season.

4. USC Trojans-Mark Sanchez should win the starting nod over Mitch Mustain and I believe he will be a better college QB than departed JD Booty. With that being said USC still lost to Stanford this past season and their prestige and invincibility has worn off. The early season match up with Ohio State could be the game of the year.

5. Texas Longhorns-The Longhorns are a weird team. On paper they should be one of the best in the nation with a ton of starters coming back including a ton of superb subs replacing guys. But Mack Brown's has lost a few games the past two seasons they had no reason to lose(example: A&M both times) so I wonder if this team can find it's way back to a Big 12 Championship game. Colt McCoy will decide in 2008.

6. Oklahoma Sooners-I was leaning heavily with the Sooners as my #1 team going into next season and they totally wet the bed against West Virginia in the Fiesta Bowl. Again. The Sooners will be stacked with studs including the return of RB Demarco Murray and should be able to put up the points. The question remains if they can stop anybody next season on defense.

7. Ohio State Buckeyes-After getting stomped the last two seasons in the BCS Championship game against SEC opponents they should be thankful they are not in a tougher conference. They will still be the overwhelming favorite out of the Big Ten next year.

8. Florida Gators-Until they find a defense this team will only be the 3rd-4th best team in the SEC. Tim Tebow will be back and carry the Gators again, but they need to find some players on D and losing Derrick Harvey early doesn't help.

9. Kansas Jayhawks-The Jayhawks could be in for a let down after a great season because they have to play some tough teams next season. They have to travel to South Florida and Oklahoma and finish off the season with back-to-back tilts against Texas and Missouri.

10. Texas Tech-Stop laughing. The Red Raiders return 20 starters and remember they did beat Oklahoma this season. QB Graham Harrell and WR Michael Crabtree will be leading an explosive Red Raiders offense.

11. Clemson Tigers-I know it's Clemson and they are always good for 3-5 losses a season under Tommy Bowden but one of these years they have to break through. Guys? Right? CJ Spiller and Cullen Harper are back and if James Davis decides to return they are the best team in the weak ACC next season.

12. West Virginia Mountaineers-Maybe a tad low here with the preseason ranking but I have a feeling a first year coach isn't going to lead them to a top ten finish. Pat White and Noel Devine are two of my favorite players to watch so they will be exciting next season.

13. Arizona State SunDevils-They should be the second best team in the PAC-10 with Rudy Carpenter back. Actually the PAC-10 looks pretty weak on paper next season so don't be surprised if they finish top 10. The Georgia and USC games should be very interesting.

14. Wisconsin Badgers-The Badgers will continue to beat shitty competition in the Big Ten. I really hate watching the Badgers play football. It's like watching your grandpa take a leak. Long and depressing.

15. Boise State Broncos-The Broncos should be the non-BCS darlings next season with lan Johnson back at RB.

16. Penn State Nittany Lions-Losing QB Anthony Morelli is addition by subtraction for JoePA. Maybe WR Derrick Williams finally lives up to the hype coming out of high school as the #1 prep recruit.

17. Wake Forest Deamon Deacons-Jim Grobe can flat out coach and I believe he will have the Deamon Deacons again competing for an ACC Championship in 2008 with QB Riley Skinner returning.

18. Alabama Crimson Tide-JP Wilson is back, Nick Saban is bringing in recruits, and the Tide faithful are as hungry and insane as ever. The Tide should be a top 20 team with the talent they have. No questions asked.

19. Auburn Tigers-QB Kodi Burns looks like he could be a potential superstar next season. I should probably have the Tigers higher ranked but I think losing DC Will Muschamp to Texas will hurt some what.

20. Illinois Fightin Illini-Losing Rashard Mendenhall immediately wipes out any chance of the Fightin Zooks competing for the Big Ten title. They still should win 8-10 games with the players they have coming back.

21. BYU Cougars-Mormons rock in 2008.

22. Tennessee Volunteers-Phil Fulmer is usually always good for at least 9 wins which is really saying something playing in the SEC.

23. Notre Dame Fighting Irish-The Irish return a ton of top notch young talent and have a much more favorable schedule in 2008. Jimmy Clausen should have a good season behind a much improved offensive line. Watch out for incoming freshman WR Michael Floyd, he could become a favorite target early on in the season. Anything less than 9 wins should be a disappointment for Irish fans with the schedule they play.

24. Miami Hurricanes-Same with the Irish, Miami returns a lot of young premiere talent and play in a weak conference. I think they could finally send off FSU's Bowden to retirement if they blow them out this season.

25. Virginia Cavaliers-I will be the first one to admit I was wrong about UVA. They showed up in 2007 and they have a lot of promise going into 2008.

JUST MISSED THE CUT: Virginia Tech, Oregon, Oregon State, Cal, Michigan, South Florida

JOE GIBBS RETIRES AGAIN
Well, that was quick. So much for "the return to glory under the leadership of Joe Gibbs" talk which took over the DC area four years ago when owner Daniel Snyder brought back the legendary coach. Gibbs has decided to step down:

Gibbs went 31-36, including 1-2 in the playoffs, after emerging from NFL retirement and his NASCAR career to sign a five-year, $27.5 million contract in 2004. He had always maintained he intended to fulfill the contract, but the 67-year-old coach wavered from that stance Monday when asked if he would return for the final year of his deal.

Gibbs' retirement brings an apparent end to a coaching career in which he twice raised the Redskins from mediocrity into a playoff team, although he failed in his goal of bringing the team back to the Super Bowl during his second stint in Washington.

It's hard for a coach to come back to the NFL after they have been out of the game for so long as Gibbs can contest. The Redskins had a rocky season due in part to the unfortunate death of safety Sean Taylor who was probably their most talented player. No reason to feel sorry for Gibbs though, he racked up over $20 million dollars of coin in his pocket the past 4 years while making the playoffs twice. I'm sure the good old boy at heart is ready to get back to sponsoring rednecks racing in circles at the ripe old age of 67. I wish him well, he seems like a really good guy.

So who will be the next coach in Washington? No idea here. Maybe Snyder will again try to grab somebody from the college ranks like Pete Carroll or Urban Meyer. I'm sure there are some hot shot NFL assistants out there waiting to get their chance too. Supposedly Redskin's assistant Gregg Williams is the leading guy according to ESPN's Chris Mortensen(take it with a grain of salt, Mortensen has whiffed more times than Adam Dunn this season with insider news).

URBAN MEYER TOLD ME..
He could make one phone call a week and still get away with clear NCAA violations with contacting recruits during the dead period. Here is the clip courtesy of Awful Announcing...

So who do you think he was on the phone with? I think he might have been on the phone with Terrelle Pryor telling him he is going to move Tebow to linebacker or maybe he was talking to Omar Hunter and how he will start right away at DT.

The Legend of Urban Liar continues to grow...

BCS CHAMPIONSHIP LIVE BLOG
Game time is less than a half a hour away, I hope you have your beer chilled and ready to join the great Sportscrack Drink A Shot Of Beer Everytime They Show The Band Broadcast.


PREGAME
Well, here we go, drink a shot, they just showed the dotting of the I. That calls for two shots.

Remember to hit the refresh button every once in a while and scroll down to get the latest drunk ramblings. Oh yeah, fuck Urban Liar for being in the pre-game telecast. What recruit is he trying to poach/steal now?

-Okay, another shot of the band, this time the LSU one, take a shot. So far 3 shots down. By the way, how many chicks do you think Shaq nails now that he is single? I think he has at least 4 lined up tonight, one for each quarter.

-I think the only way you can stop Glenn Dorsey is to chop block him. Is there any doubt the Miami Dolphins don't take him with the #1 pick in the draft? All though he is a tad undersized for a D-tackle in the pros, his speed and quickness should make him a force if he can stay healthy.

-Oh sweet, I can't wait to find out who won the FEDEX Jack off performance of the year award. Seriously, what is the freaking point of this stupid FEDEX award? Does anybody really care?

-Seriously, baby photos, come on FOX, show the ladies!!

-With June Jones now leaving Hawaii to go take the SMU job you have to believe the Warriors will go hard for Titan's offensive coordinator Norm Chow. He would be a perfect fit for Hawaii and could get some recruits out there on name recognition alone.

-Okay, what the hell, it's time for a prediction on this game. I see the spread is in favor of the LSU Tigers by 4 points and with good reason. Essentially this is a home game for the Tigers in the Superdome and the crowd should be 4/1 in favor of the purple and gold. That being said I think the Buckeyes have a lot to prove tonight and are tired of hearing everybody telling them they suck ass and don't belong in this game. The underdogs usually prevail in this game, so I'm going with the Buckeyes.

Final score prediction: Ohio State 31 LSU 30

FIRST QUARTER
-Oh fuck, Thom Brennaman is doing the game. I want to hear him bitch about teams trying to run up the score in the third quarter like he did during the Sugar Bowl.

-The Suckeyes looked focus. God I hope this game isn't a blow out.

-Les-ticles is ready to go, no word if he is going to take the Michigan job tomorrow. Supposedly Rich Rodriguez has an out clause for Hawaii.

-Is that Chris Weinke? Isn't that guy collecting Social Security by now? LSU just won the toss by Tony Dorsett and have elected to differ to the second half. See people, you must have huge testicles to make that kind of decision this early on.

-Band shot, take another shot bitches!

-Oh shit, LSU is coming out fired up. Boeckman had little time to throw that first pass thanks to Jean-Francois.

-Nice pass to Robiskie, good to see Ohio State opening up the playbook early on and not trying to play smash mouth football with LSU.

-Beanie Wells to the House! Take another shot for the band. LSU's defense might be the most overated ever. Teams run all over them! Big Ten country rejoice, for now.

Beanie is so getting layed tonight!!
Ohio State 7 LSU 0

-Great block by Alex Boone sprung Wells. Qb Matt Flynn looks scared and no he doesn't look like Matt Damon.

-I'm sorry, but Early Doucet blows. Why Kiper and the other draft experts have him rated so high is beyond me.

-LSU looks nervous, great 3 and out for the Buckeyes.

-Dude, Boeckman deep for a first down. Tressel is coming out and attacking. I like it. Band shot, take another!

-Did you know that Buckeye is German for Whale's vagina?

-Band shot, take another!

-Good stop by the LSU defense. Field goal makes it 10-0 early in the first.
Dude! The Buckeyes are looking strong...

-Ohio State 10 LSU 0

-Great story, I almost shed a tear for the former teammates now playing against each other BS blah blah.

-Umm, have you guys heard of this Jumper Movie? yeah, me too, first time here.

-Vernon Gholston will be a first round draft pick.

-Good play action by Flynn to Doucet. I'm still confused why teams do play action on third and long. It confuses nobody.

-Hester is rocking the BAMA Bangs in his team picture.

-Band shot, take another!

-Of course Doucet makes a great catch on a bad throw thus proving I don't know shit about talent. I know beer though, and it tastes great right now.

-LSU Band Shot, take another!

-Good drive by LSU so far even though Trinton Holliday was looking like he took early Vegas action on the under in the first quarter by acting like he had no idea he was suppose to take the hand off. Sure thing little man!

-Flynn forced to throw it away on 3rd and long. Good pressure forcing Flynn out of the pocket.

-32 yard field goal is good by LSU.

Ohio State 10 LSU 3

-Wells is a beast, great spin move. 5 carries for 87 yards already. He might be my #1 rated RB for next year, no doubt he will be top 3 in the game.

-Great coverage by LSU's corner.

-Looked like Hartline was interfered there but no call.

-Fumble, looks like LSU recovered.

-LSU band shot, take another!

-First quarter over. Buckeyes 10 LSU 3.

-Poon shots: 0

-Band shots: 10

-I hate you FOX. My privates want to tingle, not my liver assholes!

SECOND QUARTER

-Third and short and the whole free world knows Hester is getting the ball and yet he always gets the first down. Amazing.

-Sweatervest is fired up after the true freshman defensive end made a good play on the RB.

-LSU Touchdown! Flynn to tight end Dickson right after the Little Animal faced rape a WR.

Band Shot, take another! Band Shot, take Another!

Tied game 10-10.

-LSU band shot, take another!

-Beanie Wells just bitch slapped a LSU defender. Beanie is again a beast.

-Ohio State band shot, take another!

-Touchdown dropped! Perfect throw by Boeckman, CB Jackson knocked it loose on the bobble.

-LSU Safety Steltz is hurt. Did you know half the oxygen in the world comes from Serena Williams ass.

-Huge blocked field goal by LSU. Still tied 10-10.

-Hester with a long run on first down.

-By the way Jumper comes out on Valentines Day, how romantic.

-Flynn just got hammered.

-LSU has more than double the first downs than Ohio State right now, momentum defanitely in their favor right now. Some midget just almost broke off a TD run for LSU.

-Buckeyes need to stop them here, hold them to field goal and then regroup on offense.

-How fucking gay is the director from FOX? Seriously, find some poon and show it. This is football not men's gymnastics.

-Flynn, perfect pass to Lafell in the corner of the end zone for a TD on a roll out.

LSU 17 Ohio State 10. This might get real ugly, real fast.

-I'm starting to think the dropped pass in the end zone by Ohio State is going to come back and haunt them. Not to mention they didn't score on that drive.

-Huge one handed interception by LSU CB Coleman on a fade route.

-LSU down to the 1 on a cross pass play to TE Dickson. LSU scores a TD here it could be over fast.

-TOUCHDOWN HESTER! Great second effort, was there ever really a doubt he was going to get the ball in a goal line situation. 24 unanswered points.

LSU 24 Suckeyes 10
Jacob Hester is old school bitch!

-LSU defense is rocking right now, OSU needs a first down bad.

-Great pass by Boeckman to Hartline. Buckeye sticker for that play.

-The old Baltimore Raven's play on third and long. Throw a 5 yard pass. Makes perfect sense.

-Take a shot. FOX coverage sucks, we deserve one.

-Halftime. Familiar situation. SEC blowing away a Big Ten team again. Somewhere some dip shit still believes the SEC is overrated. More than likely they live on the West Coast or in the Northeast.

LSU 24 OHIO STATE 10

-Piss break people.

-The half time kicking contest was pretty lame. AllState couldn't dish out the dough to make it a million dollar kick from the 50 yard line? I'm glad I'm with State Farm, I always know they are there. Band shot, slug a whole beer now.

-Finally FOX gives us a poon shot. Then of course they give us 2000 band shots. Fags!

-Holy shit, I think my liver just exploded, too many band shots, too many Bud Light shots. I would have to kick my own ass if I ever wore one of those silly looking LSU band feather hats.

-Anybody else get a laugh out of the Roger Clemen's press conference today where he stated he was forced to miss his old college coach funeral today because of the press conference. Umm, Roger, you are the one in charge of scheduling the press conference. You could have scheduled it weeks ago, or better yet tomorrow. Don't give me your bull shit excuses and try to make me feel sorry for you when even you are trying to upstage a person's death by holding a press conference on the same day. Clemens is now worse than Bonds in my eyes. What a fucking phoney! Him and Urban Liar should exchange notes at halftime.

-Holy shit, Jamarcus Russell just stole one of Bill Cosby's sweaters. Great pick with the #1 pick there Raiders!


-Eddie George is already giving up on the Buckeyes.

-Band shot, take another!

-Trinity gets the game changing performance of the year, free booze and hungover co-ed sexual regrets and ensuing years of therapy starting tomorrow courtesy of Pontiac.

THIRD QUARTER
-LSU scores on this opening drive this game in the second half I think it would be safe to say this game is over. But the drinking never stops!

-Interesting, Ohio State had more total yards in the first half. Turnovers will kill.

-Ugly LSU Poon shot, take another!

-I have a feeling LSU is going to run the ball to death here in the second half until the Shiteyes can stop them.

-A chance for a Poon shot and they show two cows dressed in beads. Like I'm really going to believe guys gave out those beads to Bessie and the Chick-Fil-A Cow. FOX blows ass. I might as well be watching LOGO Tv. At least on there I could see some hot lesbian ass.

-Okay, Buckeyes finally stop them. No reason to turn it off yet.

-What in the dumbdick is #38 doing? Roughing the kicker, automatic first down on a 4th and 23. The Buckeyes are fucked!

-Band shot, take another!

-Louisiana people still believe Elvis is alive, Jacob Hester is the fan club president.

-TOUCHDOWN LSU, Early Doucet with the reception and then poor tackling on the Buckeyes. A couple of band shots means more for you and I.LSU is rolling, Doucet heard my comments regarding his "talent."

LSU 31 Ohio State 10

-Boeckman looking like Troy Smith except he is white, faster, and doesn't have a BS Heisman Trophy in his back pocket.

-Do helmet stickers mean good plays on the field or good plays in the sack? I'm starting to think the Buckeyes mean neither because they ain't getting anything after this game.

-Band shot, take another!

-Fuck Blu-Ray. I've seen it in Best Buy and it doesn't look any better to the naked eye than regular DVD. I'm going to be pissed if they switch all DVD's to Blu-ray and force me to buy an overpriced Blu-Ray player.

-Michael Crabtree as the player of the year. hmm, interesting choice, had an unbelievable season.

-Two Band shots, take two!

-Finally, interception Buckeyes. All-American Malcolm Jenkins with the pick, just barely stepped out of bounds.

-Band shot, take another!

-4th and 5, got to kick the field goal right now.

-Touchdown Buckeyes on a great catch, numerous band shots, take at least 4. Tressel just proved why he is coaching the Buckeyes and I am not. He has balls!
LSU 31 Ohio State 17...there are big floppy donkey balls underneath those sweats.

-Looks like Malcolm Jenkins woke up with that interception, he is all over the field right now and proving he deserved AA accolades.

-End of the third quarter with LSU up by two touchdowns despite Ohio State having more total yards at the moment. LSU does have 22 first downs compared to just 9 for the Buckeyes.

FOURTH QUARTER

-Good defensive stop by the Buckeyes, need to stay away from the punter here. They do but the punter kicks into the end zone, Buckeyes will take it from the 20 with hopes of scoring a TD to close within 7. Time to crack another beer.

-Big pass play to WR Hartline, the kid looks like a really good player. By the way Ohio State only has two senior starters so expect them to be the favorite to win the Big Ten again next year.

-Freshman Safety Chad Jones is going to develop into one of the best defensive players in the nation within the next couple of years. The kid can flat out play and has a nose for the ball.

-Band shot, take another!

-4th and 7 here, my bets are Boeckman will be looking for Hartline on a cross pattern.

-Boeckman was looking for Hartline but good coverage on LSU's part. Now that was some swarming, nasty defense. LSU ball on the fumble recovery.

-Booth review stands, 15 yard penalty for trying to decapitate the QB or something like that.

-Band shot, take another!

-Big 3 and out there by the Buckeye defense. With that being said they are going to need some big plays soon with 9 minutes left in the game to have a chance of tying it.

-Band shots, take 2 shots!

-Band shots, take 2 more!

-Brilliant fucking call there on 3rd down Tressel.

-You might want to hurry it up there a little bit Buckeyes.

-Glenn Dorsey with a big strip/sack. Recovered by Boeckman.

-Holy shit, Chad Jones is also a badass baseball player. Drafted in the third round by the Astros, that kid has the world by his balls.

-Finally, the second Poon shot of the telecast. Great job Fox.

-Band shot, take another.

-Interception, this game is over. Horrible pass by Boeckman.

-Good job by Doucet or Dipshit as I call him for running out of bounds.

-Band shot, take another!

-Ali Highsmith got away with that hit to Boeckman that caused the fumble, looked pretty bush league to me.

-First instance of LES-ticles, going for it on 4th down instead of punting. This game is officially over!

-Band shot, take another!

-Touchdown LSU. Blowout city again. SEC Champions=BCS Champions

-Band shots, take 5 more!

-LSU 38 Ohio State 17



-Ohio State loves that crossing pattern to Hartline. Touchdown Buckeyes.

LSU 38 Ohio State 24

-Band shot, take another!

-Well, 4 out of 5 BCS games were stinkers this year. Good thing we don't have a playoff because then 2 loss teams could win a National Title. Oh wait, yeah, can't use that excuse anymore as a reason not to have a playoff.

-You know an Angel gets it's wings everytime a Buckeye fan cries. Tonight about 4 million of them got their wings.

-Great scene with Bo Pelini with the Gatorade dunking.

-LSU IS THE BCS NATIONAL CHAMPIONS.

-Glenn Dorsey is going to get Shaq type ass tonight.

-Band shots, take a lot more, drink till you forgot about this stinker.

-See you in the morning, or late afternoon, whenever I decide to wake up. Oh yeah, Ohio State is now 0-9 against the SEC in bowl games.

-The SEC is now 4-0 in BCS National Championship games.

-The SEC is the best conference, end of discussion.

MONKEYS PAY FOR SEX TOO!
TIME magazine is reporting that Ohio State fans are not the only ones paying for sex now a days, even monkeys do it.

It turns out that one of humanity's oldest professions may be even older than we thought: In a recent study of macaque monkeys in Indonesia, researchers found that male primates "paid" for sexual access to females — and that the going rate for such access dwindled as the number of available females went up.

I often wondered on lonely nights how much some hot monkey ass would cost but never thought somebody would actually research it. I can't confirm the rumor that ex-Atlanta Falcon and prostitute lover Eugene Robinson offered up his services for the experiment.

Honestly I'm not surprised monkeys pay for sex, the writing has been on the wall for years...

BCS CHAMPIONSHIP: BATTLE OF THE POON
Forget about the game preview since we will be drunk blogging it tonight, here is a little Poon Preview...

LSU Poon, courtesy of PoonSEC...



vs.
Ohio State Poon




Some of the Ohio State chicks have a little caveman in them so I think we have to give the edge to LSU. Since tonight's game is on FOX there is little chance we will see any poon coverage considering how much they love to show the bands. In all honesty if FOX wants to make up for their shitty coverage so far they will zoom in on the poon and let the nation enjoy it. Just for the love of God please stop showing the bands. We demand poon!

A.J. HARMON "KINDA" COMMITS TO GEORGIA
Offensive lineman A.J. Harmon is the #1 rated prep offensive guard in the nation but even after verbally committing to Georgia during the US Army All-American game he still doesn't exactly know who #1 is among his choices. This is even after he claimed he was a 100% committed to Clemson...

"When I committed to them [Clemson] I was 100 percent," Harmon said. "I am 100 percent Georgia right now.

"But I know it is not over until February," he said. "I hope I can make a decision by February."

See this is the new world of recruiting. Today a verbal pledge means little to the recruit or the coaches recruiting them. It just means the team they committed to is the current leader. And in the instance of a few recruit head cases out there it really means nothing. In some cases I can understand a recruit opening up their recruitment whether it deals with grades, coaching changes, or being closer to home. But in the case of Harmon I really just want to shake the big guy and tell him to make up his fucking mind. If you are not sure then why commit?

With a little over 4 weeks left till National Signing Day, here are some of the recruits who "verbally" declared this past weekend in the US Army All-American game and ESPN's Under Armor Game:

-Patrick Johnson, the #1 rated cornerback in the nation, committed to LSU after an earlier verbal to Miami. Johnson is the type of player who can step in right away and play and if he indeed lands in Les Miles hands he is a major coup out of the Florida area.

-Deion Walker, a 6'3 top 5 wide receiver in the nation out of Virginia verbally committed to Notre Dame at the Under Armor game. Walker joins a Notre Dame class that is currently #1 ranked by Rivals.com and joins Michael Floyd and John Goodman in the current class of 6'3 or tall receivers. Walker will need to put on some weight before he see the playing field in South Bend.


-LSU picked up a home-state product in TE Tyler Edwards out of nearby Monroe. Edwards is a top 5 prep tight end in the country and was offered by every major SEC power.

-Georgia lost out on a home product in WR Josh Jarboe out of Cedar Grove high school. Jarboe is a top 10 prep wide receiver who verbally committed to Bob Stoops and Oklahoma. Expect early playing time for Jarboe next season in Norman, he is that good.

-Solomon Koehler, a DT out of Hawaii, pledged to Arizona despite heavily weighing an offer from his home state. Maybe the departure of June Jones played a part or maybe he just wanted to go to school in the desert with a ton of hot chicks. I think I will go with the later.

-Gerell Robinson, a great all-around player who will play receiver in college, picked Arizona State over Notre Dame at the US Army game. Rumors had been flying that Robinson looked to be all Irish leading up to the declaration, but Robinson decided to stay close to home and attend ASU. He will have a chance to play right away in Tempe and can also play safety in the college game.

-MarQueis Gray, a highly touted QB out of Indianapolis picked the Minnesota Gophers. More than likely this will be the last time you hear about him till he senior season when he leads the Gophers to a 7 win season.

-Offensive tackle Matt Patchan picked the Gators over heavily-favored Miami. One of the top 10 offensive tackles in the nation, Patchan's father played for Miami in the mid 80's but decided Gainesville would be the best place to get his dick wet for the next 4 years.

-Pitt and Dave Wannstedt(insert joke here) picked up a huge commit in ILB Shayne Hale. Hale decided to stay in-state over going to Ohio State and playing for National Championships. Sounds like a wise decision to me. Oh yeah, Hale could play right away and is versatile enough to also play some defensive end.

-Ryan Williams, a top 5 prep runningback, picked his in-state Hokies over Rutgers and Boston College at the Under Armor game. Williams has a chance to play early in Blacksburg and is a big pick up for Frank Beamer.

-Brandon Smith picked Michigan. He is an athlete out of New Jersey who looks big enough to be a linebacker in college.

Of course the #1 recruit in the nation is QB Terrelle Pryor out of Jeanette, PA. Watching him for the first time live in the US Army game I came away very impressed and can see why he is so heavily hyped. Who ever wins the battle for his service will be getting a great player who has the look of future All-American written all over him. Right now Ohio State, Michigan, and Oregon are in an all out battle. I pray everyday he doesn't pick Michigan.

BETWEEN TWO FERNS WITH Zach Galifianakis

Nothing like some vag talk to start off the work week with that SuperBad actor.

Boo!!

CHRIS BOSH HAS MY VOTE

If he has Bubba's vote it might as well be my vote.

MIKE TRANGHESE=DUMB RICH PRICK
You know I was going to take it easy with the whole non-playoff system known as the BCS because frankly I was tired of arguing about something so easy to implement yet so hard at the same time. But then I read this article today from SI.com's Stewart Mandel on Why a Playoff Will Never Happen and I now feel like I need to add some logical thinking to these rich assholes who continue to think we are all dumb fuckers who need the BCS because a playoff would destroy the meaning of the regular season. Take for instance what Big East douchebag commissioner Mike Tranghese had to say about a playoff system:

"The one thing [all] of us are in agreement on is there isn't going to be a playoff.

Whenever my [league's] presidents have asked me about the positives and negatives of a playoff, I tell them the two positives are [more] money and people will stop yelling and screaming," said Tranghese. "And the negative is that the value and meaning of the regular season will be diminished. Playoff proponents who say that's not true -- that's just pure stupidity."

Tranghese points to Pittsburgh's upset of West Virginia the final night of the regular season, a riveting game that severely impacted the national-championship picture. "If there had been a playoff, who would have watched that game?" he said. "It would have no meaning. West Virginia would already be in the playoff.

"The BCS has created what I call cross-watching," said Tranghese. "An LSU fan had interest in that game, an Ohio State fan had interest in that game. Most of that would go away if we had a football playoff -- that is one thing I'm certain of."

Okay, let's examine Tranghese's first statement of "the negative is that the value and meaning of the regular season will be diminished. Playoff proponents who say that's not true -- that's just pure stupidity." So you are telling me as the leader of the Big East Conference that most people in this nation as college football fans are going to stop watching and caring about the regular season because it won't mean anything if we have a playoff. You know how fucking dumb that sounds. I feel like I just lost a little bit of sanity having to type those words coming out of his mouth. Does he really think people will stop showing up and watching games because they will only care about the playoffs and not whether or not their favorite team or alma mater wins in order to make the playoffs? College football fans are not idiots like Tranghese. Seriously, how did a guy this feeble minded get his job? We may be crazy and irrational when it comes to our own teams but we are not fucking monkeys who can be told what we will watch and care about and what we will not. This guy has no fucking clue and the only "pure stupidity" is the words coming out of his mouth.

Let's move on to his example of the Pitt-West Virginia game. He claims nobody would watch it because West Virginia would already be guaranteed a spot in the playoffs. So by his own rational the other 31 bowl games and countless other regular season games not involving the two teams in the BCS Championship game are pointless and nobody watches them because nobody cares. Funny isn't it? He seems to forget that West Virginia would be playing for the right to a more favorable match up in the first round of a playoff or for a right to play closer to home. This guy seems to think with a playoff nobody will watch the Big East conference or care about it because they would get their asses handed to them in a playoff or at least that is the way it sounds to me.

I also love his "cross-watching" theory of fans from other parts of the country will lose interest in college football regular season games. Personally I lose interest in watching all these meaningless bowl games when I know deep down they don't mean shit other than bragging rights, tv ratings, and money in people's pockets. I mean why would I and millions of others watch all these BCS games and other bowl games when Tranghese knows for a fact that we have no interest in them because of the BCS Championship Game is the only one with National Championship implications. Makes sense right?

I strongly urge all of you reading this if you in some what agree with what I have to say and want to let Tranghese know what you think about a playoff system then email him at mtranghese@bigeast.org. Again his email address is
MTRANGHESE@BIGEAST.ORG.
Email the douchebag and tell him how you feel about what he thinks about your "stupidity." Also you can email the BCS at BCSFOOTBALLORG@HOTMAIL.COM. If you really want a good laugh you can check out the BCS website and notice on the right menu toolbar a few headlines reading:

• Don't mess with BCS
• BCS better than a playoff
• An interview with Mike Slive
• The BCS Works
• Ex-Ga. Tech QB sees folly of playoffs

I can't believe they actually put those on their website to justify anything they do or say.

Also here is the "Unofficial Official Guide To Better Understanding The Reasoning Why The BCS Works And Why A Playoff Doesn't You Fucking Numb nut" presented by the founding members of all the bowls, college presidents, and commissioners of the BCS System.

And for those wondering, here is Tranghese's earlier career work before his promotion to Big East Commissioner under a pen name called The Merrill Howard Kalin Show...

Wait for at least the 5:48 mark, it's disturbing and hysterical to say the least.

PREGNANT JAMIE LYNN SPEARS SPEAKS OUT

I'm still shocked to this day of hearing Britney's little sister is knocked up. And to think of how young and innocent she is by shown in the video above is just disgusting what Brit-Brit is doing to her. The Spears' Family photo is right next to the definition of trailer trash in my Merriam-Webster dictionary. Personally I thought it would have been more appropriate to put Bobby Petrino's picture on there but that is another discussion. I don't know where I'm going with this so I will just stop and sip this frosty NewCastle Brown Ale. Sweet nectar of baby Jesus.

Question: Name me two things you didn't know still existed on the Major League Baseball Level?

ANSWER: THE ROYALS AND HIDEO NOMO

Yesterday the Kansas City Star reported the Royals inked the aging 39 year old Japanese pitcher to a minor league deal with an invitation to Spring Training. To my surprise I thought both Kansas City and Hideo Nomo died and were buried in independent baseball leagues a long time ago. Apparently both have met, kissed, made up, and will start touring this Spring at a Flea Market near you. This is how bad MLB is right now. The Kansas City Royals, who used to be a very proud and honorable franchise in the 80's and actually won games, is now a AAA affiliate because Bud Selig can't implement a strict salary cap. Instead the Royals have to sign aging Japanese gopher ball pitchers while the Yankees and Red Sox battle it out for Johan Santana's rights. Seems fair right?

I know the Royals have been fucked for more reasons than just a salary cap. Shitty upper level management is the main culprit. It's similar to the Catholic church.

Wait for lightning bolt.

Okay, I'm still alive. Seriously if the Catholic Church had some good upper level management in the Vatican City they would have squashed the whole "priests touching boys naughty parts" a long time ago before dishing out hundreds of millions for pain and suffering. If the Royals had some decent upper level management(owner, VP, GM, scout director, etc.) they would have been able to squash the pain and suffering their loyal fans have encountered for decades of horrible baseball. Don't send me hate mail Kansas City and religious freak people, I've had a one way ticket to hell ever since I voted for George Bush.

So I guess we can blame the fall of the Catholic Church, Hideo Nomo, and the Kansas City Royals on none other than the New York Yankees. Why you ask? Because those dicks had some decent management and a shit load of money and fucked up the whole planet starting in the mid 90's. I so need a beer right now.

SOMEONE FORGOT TO TAKE THEIR CRAZY PILLS

A Nation watches in horror as the once proud pop queen is gurneyed out by the paramedics from her own home! Seriously, what the fuck happened to this crazy bitch? I know she is an overweight, no talent assclown now but she used to be the shit before she met K-Fed. See, I'm hip with the lingo bitches! Anyways, I was up all night watching the latest on her...err, umm, scratch that. I mean I was up masturbating all night to Skinemax and was wondering if we have ever seen anybody fall this hard this fast. Sure we had the King of Pop himself but that was a long, slow fall because he paid off thousands of sick kids and their parents to not rat his touchy feely ass out. Britney now has two kids who she is going to lose all custody rights to them because she is a junkie whore. It's similar to watching Roger Clemens Hall of Fame career slowly go down the shitter. Yeah, I can't wait to hear his pathetic excuses this week on "60 Minutes" when he is being interviewed by the guy who sank the Titanic. Oh sure, it was just B-12 shot Rocket! I haven't heard that before you lying fucker.

And yes, if you are wondering I still have a functional penis despite going to TMZ.com to see the latest celebrity news.

A NEW DRINKING GAME
If you have watched any of the first 3 BCS games covered on Fox for more than 30 seconds then you realize that they have a serious fucked up fetish over the school's bands. In fact tonight I decided to count how many times they showed the band and lost count at 80. I've never seen so many ugly fat band chicks since...well, Wednesday nights Fiesta Bowl. So anyways I figured this calls for a new drinking game for the BCS Championship on Monday. At first I thought we should do shots of liquor every time they show the band but then realized all of us would either lose our jobs on Tuesday or die. So I think we should make it a shot of beer. I know it sounds kind of pussy to do shots of beer and might remind a lot of people of getting drunk in high school but if we do liquor I will pass out and piss on myself before the end of the 1st quarter with the rate Fox loves to show the band geeks. So let's keep it beer and I recommend everybody getting at least a case of the light stuff per person. The lower the alcohol percentage the better. I don't want any lawsuits from your wives or girlfriends for causing any brain damage or bladder infections.

Be sure to spread the word this weekend to all your buds, family, and dogs and let's see how many people we can get aboard this great new drinking game called the Sportscrack BCS Band Drink Till You Drunk Dial An Ex Type of Game. Sounds catchy doesn't it?

In fact I might try to live blog it and see how ridiculous my posts/rants/screams of love and pain get as the game goes on and the band continues to strike our beer loving palate.

Please do it at home, you don't want to end up like this guy...

TONIGHT'S ORANGE BOWL MATCHUP

Need I say more. It's Kansas vs. Virginia Tech. Both are as fun to watch as a prostate exam.

Prediction: Kansas 17 Virginia Tech 14

DARK KNIGHT TRAILER

I'm going to go out on a limb and say this will be the best "Batman" film yet. The Joker is without a doubt the best villain in any comic-based film series and the biggest mistake of the original "Batman" film was killing off Jack Nicholson's Joker. After that there was no way the Penguin, Mr. Freeze, or the Riddler were ever going to match the insanity and pure brilliance of the Joker. It appears from the trailer Heath Ledger has nailed the role harder than Maggie Gylenhaal's brother in Brokeback.

In other film news, Batman's Christian Bale has signed on to play John Connor in the upcoming "Terminator" film set to be released in 2009. Also in other film news Lindsay Lohan is still an alcoholic whore and the ending of "No Country for Old Men" completely destroyed a potentially great film up to that point.

JENNIFER ANISTON IS LIKE FINE WINE
It baffles me, the older Aniston gets the better she looks. Take for instance the picture above which was recently taken by stalkerrazzi. Just a year under 40, Aniston continues to shine while ladies like Pamela Anderson turn into transsexual hookers. She is like the Roger Clemens of actresses minus the smug attitude and swollen vagina.

BASEBALL PLAYERS NAILING FAT CHICKS DRINK
Apparently Boston Red Sox 1B and all-around ugly dude Kevin Youkilis has signed on to be the official pitchman of a new drink called "Slump Buster." How great is it that we now have a drink that is inspired by baseball players breaking a hitting slump by nailing the fattest chick possible? Of course in high school we called it hogging and it wasn't to break a slump or anything. Just for shits and giggles and a bruised pelvic area and occasionally the dislocated hip. Ahhh, the good times!

Anyways if you want to add them to your MySpace friends feel free to check them out.

WHITE SOX ACQUIRE NICK SWISHER
Finally we have some hot stove news after a couple weeks off due to the holidays. The Chicago White Sox have just acquired OF Nick Swisher from the A's for minor leaguers Gio Gonzalez, Faustino De Los Santos, and Ryan Sweeney. Swisher will more than likely be the starting center fielder in the Southside and is a great pickup to go in the outfield along with newly acquired Carlos Quentin from the Diamondbacks. Instantly the White Sox and GM Kenny Williams have revitalized the Sox offense with some youth in the outfield for at least the next 2-3 seasons.

Swisher should be an instant fan favorite especially with the ladies(pictured above) and is good for 20-35 HRs along with a .380 plus on base percentage. His big bang potential in Chicago is at least 50 ladies too.

But you know with dealing with Billy Beane and the A's the White Sox were going to have to give up a lot to get Swisher. Gonzalez and De Los Santos are the two best pitchers in the White Sox farm system and Sweeney used to be a highly regarded center fielder with All-Star potential. The A's are rebuilding right now so don't be surprised if more guys like Joe Blanton or Huston Street are traded in the coming weeks.

I think this was a good trade for both teams. The White Sox needed to add more punch to their lineup and get a guy in Swisher who is 27 years old that can add that dimension for at least the next 2 seasons. In a division as tough as the AL Central with the Tigers and Indians looking as viable World Series contenders it was imperative for the White Sox to make a move like this. The A's are just reloading their talent base and will be an up and coming team 2-3 years down the road.

RYAN MALLETT PLANNING TO TRANSFER
According to ToledoBlade.com new Michigan head coach Rich Rodriguez might have already lost his best returning offensive player. Freshman QB Ryan Mallett is apparently looking elsewhere with the hot rumor leading him to Rick Neuheisel and UCLA...

There is speculation out of Ann Arbor that freshman quarterback Ryan Mallett has decided to leave Michigan and will transfer to UCLA, according to a person close to the team.

Michigan associate athletic director Bruce Madej said no paperwork has come across his desk regarding Mallett's transfer and that as far as he knows, Mallett is still enrolled at Michigan.

"He came back with us, so I just saw him yesterday," Madej said. "He was talking with the guys about seeing them next week."

Mallett told The Blade on Dec. 26 during the team's preparations for the Capital One Bowl in Orlando that he wanted to remain a Wolverine next season.

Retired Michigan coach Lloyd Carr said Wednesday he was aware of Mallett's decision but would leave it up to him to make the announcement.

"What I hope is Ryan Mallett stays at Michigan," Carr said Wednesday before boarding a team bus at Orlando's Peabody Hotel. "Because I think potentially he can be one of the great quarterbacks that's come along. He's matured dramatically in the last two or three months."

In a fill-in role for oft-injured quarterback Chad Henne, Mallett started three games this season for the Wolverines and appeared in eight others, throwing for 892 yards with seven touchdowns and five interceptions. He was 3-0 in his starts against Notre Dame, Penn State and Minnesota.

Mallett seems like an odd fit for Rodriguez's spread offense attack so it should come as no surprise he is looking elsewhere. It's an unfortunate situation because Mallett has the skills and fortitude to be a great QB in the future and would be a big loss for the Wolverine program and all the lovely Ann Arbor poon. If Mallett decides to leave Michigan it is presumed by many Wolverine fans that #1 recruit QB Terrelle Pryor will be wearing the Maize and Blue next season. Unfortunately for UM fans that seems far fetched since Pryor seems to be a heavy lean to arch rival Ohio State and has been seen budding it up this week with some Buckeye commits such as OL Mike Adams at the US Army All-American practices. If Rodriguez loses both Mallett and doesn't secure Pryor this could be a real short term marriage with Britney Spears like nastiness ensuing in Ann Arbor.

Meanwhile in West Virginia people laugh as they celebrate their Fiesta Bowl victory and salivate at the chance of watching another full season of Pat White and Noel Devine in the same backfield.

TEXAS' RB CHARLES ENTERING DRAFT, #1 RECRUIT TO REPLACE?
Yesterday superfast, superfly tailback Jamaal Charles (1619 yards rushing, 18 TDs) declared himself NFL worthy by throwing his hat into early entry for the NFL Draft. Charles will be a big loss for the Longhorns who are looking to build momentum off a Holiday Bowl victory over Arizona State into the 2008 season. But could the loss of NCAA All-American sprinting champ Charles make them the favorite to land the #1 RB recruit in the nation in Darrell Scott? It appears so...

Darrell Scott said before Longhorn running back Jamal Charles declared for the NFL Draft, "Really, it's whether or not Jamal Charles comes back. It will be big if he leaves. I don't want to sit out my freshman year. I'm trying to hop in and make some chaos somewhere," the Austin American Statesman reports.
Additionally, it appears that Colorado, where his uncle Josh Smith plays, LSU, and Florida are the other programs in the mix for his signature on national signing day.

Earlier in the week ND commit Jonas Gray stated he and a lot of the other players attending the US Army All-American game thought Scott was already a Longhorn. If Scott does indeed become a Longhorn as expected he has a good chance of at least splitting carries with sophomore Vondrell McGee at tailback next season. It's interesting to note that QB Colt McCoy was the second leading rusher for the Longhorns this season with almost 500 yards.

Oh yeah, Scott had over 3000 yards rushing during his junior campaign! Here is an interview I found of Scott with stalker/high school recruit expert Tom Lemming from a year back...

Also here are some more highlights of Scott to the music of Rage Against the Machine...

CAM CAMERON FIRED, KIRK NEXT?
Bill Parcells is taking his new job as VP of Football Operations very serious and destroying any poor soul involved with the massacre that was the 2007 Miami Dolphins season. The latest to get fired is head coach Cam Cameron after a 1-15 season.

Parcells made the decision to fire Cameron in consultation with new general manager Jeff Ireland, hired Wednesday after seven years in player personnel with the Dallas Cowboys.

"We just felt in order to move forward and not look back, we needed someone in place who shared the same philosophical compatibilities we shared," Ireland said. "We didn't really know the guy that well. We were going to try to get someone that does share those things, and we weren't completely sold that he did."

Ireland said the philosophy he and Parcells share involves creating a culture of winning.

"We want strong character around here," Ireland said. "The vision of the team will be discipline, passionate players, highly competitive. And we'll be a big team."

So I guess you are telling me drafting a punt returner/third receiver with the #9 pick in Ted Ginn and then justifying not taking Brady Quinn with that pick by drafting John Beck in the second round was a not so smart pick. The Dolphins thought they were drafting the whole Ginn family last year only to realize they drafted a guy who is not even close to a poor man's version of Devin Hester.

In essence we all saw the writing on the wall for Cameron and GM Randy Mueller by this reaction from the Dolphin's fan base on learning they made one of the all-time dumbdick moves in NFL Draft History...

I love Chris Mortenson's line at the end: "Yeah, but what do the fan's know?" Apparently a lot more about football than Cameron or Mueller.

OWEN SCHMIDT=RUNAWAY BEER TRUCK

I don't even know what it really means in relation to mohawk wearing Schmidt but I like the nickname given to him by the Fox announcer. West Fuckin Virginia pounded the Oklahoma Sooners into submission last night giving the Sooners their 4th straight BCS loss. If this was Notre Dame of course the whole nation would be screaming bloody murder but that is another discussion for a drunk day. The blowout win convinced West Virginia officials to name interim coach Bill Stewart the new permanent one today after a convincing 48-28 win in which the Mountaineers played with more passion and determination than the Sooners. Anyone thinking that passion doesn't play a part in the college game today needs to hit the playback button on this game because West Virginia won it simply because they wanted it more.

I'm not going to lie this game was brutal to watch because of the band factor. After every fucking play the stupid Sooners band would break out their dumb fucking tune that was more annoying than a mariachi band. I know I'm going to get a lot of shit from band geeks and band lovers but I could really do without bands all together in the college game. I don't mind the halftime stuff or them leading the team out before the game starts but I can't stand hearing them play their stupid gay tune after every play. It's more annoying than a case of severe beer diarrhea.

Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

First off, I think New Year's resolutions are stupid. Every year I've wished my little Irish/Scottish fella would grow out to be a deadly python so I could wear really short bicycle shorts to the gym and work out in front of the ladies and see their faces. But it hasn't come true so seriously what is the point.

Maybe drink a little less. Haha, yeah right, not with the way my Baltimore Orioles and Notre Dame Fighting Irish have played recently. If anything with the Orioles again sucking nuts and Notre Dame losing studs like Omar Hunter to Urban Liar it is just another reason to drink the pain away. Maybe I could lose a few pounds but what is the point since I'm getting married. I can blow up and still get laid. Oh I know what would be a great resolution: make this blog funny. I'll try and make it funny without all the pissing and moaning and fart and poop jokes. I'll keep the porn though guys.

Anyways, Happy New Year's to all of you Sportscrack Heads. Leave your resolution on the comment section if you dare.

2008 Sugar Bowl Championship Gear
Hey Dawgs fans, celebrate the royal ass kicking from yesterday's Sugar Bowl Championship with the official gear from the game. Go to the Sportscrack Store Page to get the shirts, hats and even the official DVD of the game. Watch Colt Brennan get destroyed over, and over, and over again up close. Trust me it will never get old to see the Dawgs on DVD running all over the Hawaii Warriors.

BONERAMA PLAYS NATIONAL ANTHEM
Only a city like New Orleans and a station with the moral ineptitude of Fox would decide to let a band called Bonerama play the National Anthem before the Sugar Bowl last night. Being the degenerate I am I must admit I love the name of the band and applaud Fox for the pick of the bonerific group. I also thought it was pretty amusing to see Jimmy Johnson get a chuckle when Chris Rose announced who the band was. Here is the clip you bonerheads...


HT: AwfulAnnouncing

MARCUS THOMAS IN HAWAI'I NOW MEANS
The baddest most brutal force to hit the Big Island since that shitty Ben Affleck movie...

This sack hurt Colt Brennan so bad it actually made him cry. Seriously, I'm not fucking around, the guy was crying on the sidelines. Apparently his vagina was swollen from Dawg bites.

WOW! URBAN MEYER IS A DICK!
Here are some direct quotes from Urban Liar after today's loss to Michigan in the Capital One Bowl in which he completely throws some of his players under the bus, runs over them, and makes sure to back up in the process. This is from the PalmBeachPost.com...

"We thought we had some answers early in the season," said Meyer, "and some of those young guys didn't live up to the standards we've set. Our goal is to be the New England Patriots of college football."

"Well, for those guys who just put in their time and didn't make any real contributions, it's time for you to go. It won't be hard to say goodbye to some of those guys who just went through the motions. Now for those kids who actually bought into the program, and who made some sacrifices and contributions -- you know, like Bubba Caldwell....he's a graduate of UF and had a great career -- you'll really miss those guys. But just because you're a senior doesn't mean you have any value."

It's good to know that the players who don't cut it in Meyer's eyes are viewed as garbage and a waste for Florida's program. I couldn't imagine playing my ass off for a guy like that who basically tells you to go fuck off because you don't play as well as Tim Tebow or Percy Harvin. It's one thing to go to the player and tell him you want more out of him but it is a whole other thing to kick a guy on their way out and tell them they don't have "any value" to your program.

Congratulations Urban! You are the current #1 horse for biggest dick in college football for 2008.

HOCKEY IN THE SNOW: B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L

While I think it was pretty idiotic for the NHL to schedule this game during all the January 1st bowl games, I must admit that I turned it on and watched a lot of the game on NBC. Seeing hockey played outside in the snow is right up there with watching midget pudding wrestling in Mexico. Okay, maybe the pudding makes it a little more arousing to some but you get my point. If you don't go to Juarez to the Pequeno Midgeto Cantina. It's worth the tequila and the ensuing blackout.