SCOUT'S HONOR

The MLB Draft is wrapping up today and after 50 rounds we pretty much will know nothing about how good a team drafted till at least 5 years down the road. But of course that doesn't stop ESPN's Keith Law in claiming the Red Sox were the big winners in the draft. Seriously, how do you keep up with all 50 of their picks and decide they were the big winner against 30 other teams picking 50 or more players? The MLB Draft is a lot about luck as much as it is about scouting. Guys who could pitch or hit in high school and college might not be able to adjust to playing baseball every day for a living.

As a fan of baseball I for the most part have to go by what scouts say in terms of talent evaluation because a lot of the players I haven't seen in person. There are way too many players out there to keep up with 10% of them so I always find it funny that experts like Keith Law can tell you who the winners and losers of the MLB Draft are before the thing is even over. What makes me laugh even more is Law is basing a lot of his judgements on what scouts tell him. Which makes me wonder if the scouts are being honest or just blowing smoke up his ass about certain prospects because they "discovered" them. Who knows but I did find this quote from an anonymous scout regarding the Nate McLouth trade to Atlanta very interesting if not borderline hysterical in Jayson Stark's latest Rumblings and Grumblings:

• Pitt Stop: We've heard mixed reviews around baseball on the package the Pirates got back for Nate McLouth. But one scout who has seen a lot of all three players thinks all three could be stars.

"I really like [left-hander Jeff] Locke," he said. "To me, he has a chance to be Jon Lester. And if [right-hander Charlie] Morton just throws strike one, he'll win 15-16 games a year, if not more. And one thing no one can dispute is that [outfielder] Gorkys Hernandez has five tools. Those tools still need a lot of work. But he can be a top-of-the-order guy who can give you power and produce runs. And he can run and throw and play some kind of center field. So to me, that was a deal where both teams got what they wanted and needed."

I've seen all three of those kids play and had a chance to look at their stats in the minor leagues. Locke "has a chance to be Jon Lester" is one of the funniest things I have read in a while. Sure he could be Lester. If only he had his stuff and his arm. Other than both throw lefty they don't have a lot in common. Locke had a ERA north of 5 in A ball as a 22 year old but yeah, he has a chance to be just like Lester. Lester by the way as a 21 year old was posting ERA's in the 2's at AA and AAA. But yeah, Locke could be just like Lester if he gets cancer perhaps.

I'm not even going to argue the Charlie Morton winning 15-16 games in the majors. Morton blows. He walked as many guys as he struck out last year in Atlanta. It's not like he is 21 years old and just had a bad run. The guy is 25 years old. He should be able to show something in the majors but he hasn't. But yeah, if he throws strike one he will magically start winning 15-16 games in the majors if the Pirates magically score 8-10 runs in every one of his starts.

And Gorkys Hernandez has "5 tools." One of them must be a vibrator for this scout because I don't see any power in Gorkys' game. In over 250 plate appearances this year Gorkys has yet to hit a home run in AA ball. Throughout his minor league career he has nearly 1500 plate appearances and has a total of 14 home runs. Yeah, the guy is bristling with power. And with drug testing as prevalent as it is now it's not like Gorkys is just going to suddenly develop power once he reaches the majors.

So this is just one instance where scout's honor is full of shit. Sure, one of those players the Braves traded to the Pirates could become a star. Not likely but they could. Looking at their minor league numbers doesn't suggest stars in the making but what do I know, I'm not a scout.

ROLLER GIRL STILL HAS IT

Okay, her name is Heather Graham, but if you ever saw Boogie Nights she will always be known to penises around the world as "Roller Girl." Here are some pictures of the actress at the England premiere of The Hangover...

JOE MONTANA'S SON SPURNS NOTRE DAME

Nick Montana, a four star high school quarterback who just happens to be Joe Montana's youngest son, has turned down offers from Notre Dame, Georgia, and Ohio State to go play for...get this...hold laughter till I complete the sentence...the University of Washington. Yes, the same Huskies school that went 0-12 last season. Okay, now you can release the shits and giggles.

Nick apparently fell in love with new head coach Steve Sarkisian. Take a look at this zinger:

"He's an awesome coach," Montana said, according to the report. "You just have to look at all the guys he's put into the pros."

I guess Charlie Weis, Mark Richt, and Jim Tressel are shit stains compared to the holy throne of Sarkisian. Sarkisian was instrumental in the development of Matt Leinart and Mark Sanchez while an assistant at USC but I would hardly point him out for the one pro who has actually accomplished anything in the NFL in Carson Palmer. I think Norm Chow was more of an influence on Palmer's career. But let's be honest here, the young Montana picked Washington because of playing time. The Oaks Christian HS rising senior (same school as Jimmy Clausen) wasn't going to steal time from Clausen and Dayne Crist at ND, Aaron Murray and Joe Cox at UGA, and most certainly not Terrelle Pryor at Ohio State. So he picked Washington so he could do his own thing in beautiful Seattle and not be under the shadow of his father at Notre Dame, not face the rigorous SEC competition in Athens, and not be Tressel's clipboard assistant in Columbus.

It's understandable. Some fans of Notre Dame are freaking out. A few of them. Actually not many. Nick is a good prospect but not a 5 star standout like Clausen and Crist. I'm not saying he couldn't eventually develop into a star like his father did at Notre Dame. He has the genes and the skills to be a really good college player. But could you imagine going to a school where everybody will be comparing your every step to what your father did? It's unnecessary pressure and I can see why this Montana decided to skip out on Notre Dame (his brother Nate is a walk-on at ND). Notre Dame fans need not worry about losing this Montana. Sure it would have been a great story but the coaches need to focus on getting at least one quarterback in this class since they didn't sign anybody last year.

The kid they need to sign is Ohio product Andrew Hendrix. And no, he isn't Jimi's son. Hendrix is 6'3 and built like a college quarterback. He has a ton of upside and has offers as impressive as Montana. Weis needs to get him to verbal sooner than later. Hendrix visited Notre Dame last week and almost verbally committed on the spot. A lot of the top recruits are waiting to see what Notre Dame brings to the table in 2009 before committing to a school with only 10 combined wins in the last two years. They should. But landing Hendrix would enhance their recruiting ten fold. They would start picking up receivers and Hendrix could actively recruit other guys much like the #1 prospect Chris Martin has been doing ever since he verballed.

DANNY DEVITO IS MY NEW HERO

It's 9 AM on a weekday in Philadelphia and the Penguin Danny Devito is slamming beers, making midget jokes, and trying to score some strange. I have a new found respect for the little guy. You can't blame him for trying. I can only imagine the stories that Devito has working in Hollywood for over 30 years. If he can become a movie "star" and score tons of ass then you...yes...you the reader...put that away, it's inappropriate, have no excuse not to get off your ass and become something. Devito was the Terminator's twin at one point! Dreams can come true. Now quit your 9-to-5 job and go make me proud!

HT: WWTDD

CRAIGSLIST

I've been thinking about putting some stuff on Craigslist lately. No, not selling my body or anything like that. I'm not that desperate...yet. I've been doing some brainstorming, thinking of clever ways to pitch my junk so it sounds like gold on Craigslist. As you probably know it's all about how you sell it or market it. But I think when all else fails and you don't feel like dealing with people you should put out a classified like this guy did in Richmond...(click on the image to enlarge it)...



I think you get the idea of what he is selling and how he wants to go about the transaction. No bullshitting, just fork over the money and take the cement blocks. With that being said I'm going to copy this guy's approach. Anybody know what I can fetch for Pete Carroll's dead hookers?

Craigslist HT: Joe

NL ALL STAR BALLOT

Yesterday I gave you my American League All-Star ballot. No complaints with my picks so far. Either nobody reads this blog or people actually agree. Any who here are my National League picks, feel free to blast away!

NATIONAL LEAGUE
Firstbasemen-Albert Pujols, St. Louis Cardinals-Adrian Gonzalez for the San Diego Padres and Prince Fielder of the Milwaukee Brewers are having terrific seasons but still, we are talking about Albert freaking Pujols. He is the best player in the game. MVPujols is top 5 in almost every significant batting stat in the majors. The guy is like fine wine. He's only getting better. Pujols was drafted in the 13th round(402nd overall) by the Cardinals in the 1999 draft. What a steal of a pick!

Secondbasemen-Chase Utley, Philadelphia Phillies-Uts is a machine. This season is perhaps his best right now as he has a career high on base percentage of .435 and again is leading the majors in hit by pitches with 11. The guy does it all and is a gritty player that every team would love to have. Utley was drafted in the 1st round(15th overall) by the Phillies in the 2000 draft out of UCLA. The Orioles had the 14th pick that year. They took Beau Hale. I would say the Phillies franchise won that pick.

Shortstop-Hanley Ramirez, Florida Marlins-If you had a pick to start at shortstop who would you take? I'm thinking 80% or more would pick Ramirez. Hanley is again having a terrific season and should only heat up more as the weather becomes unbearable in South Florida. Last season Ramirez had a 30/30 season at the age of 24 while winning the Silver Slugger award. This season he has become more of a team leader and is the franchise player in the Marlins organization. Ramirez was signed as an amateur free agent by the Red Sox as a 16 year old out of the Dominican Republic.

Thirdbasemen-Chipper Jones, Atlanta Braves-The future Hall of Famer deserves to be starting in the All Star game in St. Louis this year. Larry again leads the majors in on base percentage and has a good shot at repeating his batting title. It's almost a crime that he has only played in 6 All Star games in his 16 years of MLB ball. I hope the voters do the right thing and put Chipper in the starting lineup. David Wright is having a fine season for the New York Mets but he still isn't close to Chipper's league. Chipper was drafted in the 1st round(1st overall) by the Braves in the 1990 draft out of high school. The Braves organization wanted to draft Todd Van Poppel but backed away because of signing issues. Thank god.

Catcher-Brian McCann, Atlanta Braves-McCann has bounced back from some eye issues this season and posted All-Star numbers batting in the 4 and 5 hole for the Bravos. In just his 4th season the 3 time All-Star is again leading all NL catchers in on base percentage and slugging percentage. McCann was drafted in the 2nd round(64th overall) in the 2002 draft by the Braves out of high school.

Rightfield-Justin Upton, Arizona Diamondbacks-As a 21 year old Upton is just beginning to come into his own. A freak of an athlete, the younger Upton is top 10 in slugging percentage, on base percentage, total bases, triples, extra base hits and runs created. He also plays an excellent right field and has a cannon for an arm. Upton was the first pick overall in the 2005 Draft which could go down as one of the best drafts ever.

Centerfield-Carlos Beltran, New York Mets-The 4 time All-Star is having one of his best statistical seasons in 2009. He is top 5 in on base percentage (as you can see this is a very important stat to me) and batting average. He also plays gold glove defense in center. Beltran was a 2nd round draft (49th overall) pick by the Royals in the 1995 draft out of high school.

Leftfield-Ryan Braun, Milwaukee Brewers-The Hebrew Hammer is again on pace to hit at least 30 home runs while driving in over 100. He may not be excellent in the field but his OBP is above 40% this year and he is drawing a ton of walks. Braun was drafted in the 1st round (5th overall) in the 2005 draft by the Brewers out of Miami.

Starting pitcher-Dan Haren, Arizona Diamondbacks-Haren only has 4 wins but that isn't his fault. His stuff has been nasty again this season and his strikeout to walk ratio is nearly 8-to-1. In my opinion he is the Roy Halladay of the National League. Haren was drafted in the 2nd round(72nd overall) in the 2001 draft by the Cardinals out of Pepperdine University. For some bizarre reason Haren has already been traded twice in his young career.

TAYLOR MAYS AND THE USC SONG GIRLS

The #1 free safety in college football for 2009, USC Senior Taylor Mays, does a little interview(i.e. picks his next notch on his belt) with the USC Song Girls. You may have heard of them. Mays is a future top 10 pick in the NFL and many people wonder including myself why he would come back to USC when he was guaranteed a fat paycheck if he left after his junior campaign. Well, now I think we know why. Let's just say the Song Girls can be very persuasive. You can't find top notch talent like that in Green Bay.

I know some of you are wondering how I came upon this video being a Notre Dame supporter. Pete Carroll posted it on Facebook. Yes, I am one of the Poodle's "friends." Why you ask? Because to beat the enemy sometimes you have to sleep with the enemy. Oh and I am also looking forward to giving him some grief come October 17th after the Irish beat them.

MY AMERICAN LEAGUE ALL STAR BALLOT

With the MLB Draft just hours away, otherwise known as the Stephen Strasburg overkill draft, I decided to get my mind off of it a little bit by filling out my All-Star ballot. You can go to www.vote.mlb.com. No longer do you have to bother punching out little circles on a ballot and turning them in at the ballpark. The powers of technology. I'm pretty sure the internet was invented for this alone. Here is my ballot, broken down by position and also a recap of where the player was originally drafted.

AMERICAN LEAGUE
Firstbasemen-Justin Morneau, Minnesota Twins-This was one of the hardest picks for me. Morneau is currently having a great season, batting .329 with the most RBIs at first with 52. The former MVP wins a close race with Mark Teixeira, Miguel Cabrera, Kevin Youkilis, and Russell Branyan all having outstanding years. You could make a case for all of those guys deserving a shot to start but when it came down to picking the one who I would want to be up at bat with the game on the line it was Morneau. Morneau was drafted in the 3rd round(89th overall) by the Twins in the 1999 draft as a catcher.

Secondbasemen-Aaron Hill, Toronto Blue Jays-Hill has been outstanding for the Jays all season. Hitting .310 with 13 HRs and 41 RBIs, Hill has rebounded from an injury shortened 2008 season to establish himself as one of the best 2B in the game. His defense has been solid too. Hill is a big reason why the Blue Jays are still contending in the AL East despite the rest of the offense struggling. Hill was drafted in the 1st round(13th overall) by the Jays in the 2003 draft out of LSU.

Shortstop-Jason Bartlett, Tampa Bay Rays-Bartlett was one of the easiest vote on my ballot. He currently leads the majors in hitting at .373 and has played stellar defense as usual at a premium defensive position. One of the most underrated players in the game, Bartlett should at the very least be named a reserve because there is no way he will overtake Derek Jeter in voting. Bartlett was drafted in the 13th round(390th overall) by the Padres in the 2001 draft out of Oklahoma.

Thirdbasemen-Evan Longoria, Tampa Bay Rays-Evan Almighty is having a MVP season in just his 2nd year in the bigs. Hitting at a .316 clip while leading the majors in RBIs with 55, Longoria is one of the games top 10 players already. His defense is also great and he reminds me a lot of Chipper Jones in terms of his approach to each at-bat. He doesn't get cheated. It should be mentioned that Chone Figgins, Michael Young, and Brandon Inge are also having All-Star seasons and this wasn't a sure fire pick with Longoria. Longoria was drafted in the 1st round(3rd overall) by the Rays in the 2006 draft out of Long Beach State.

Catcher-Joe Mauer, Minnesota Twins-Mauer is just in a different league right now. By far the best catcher in the game, Mauer has been on a tear since he came off the disabled list. He is hitting .413 with 12 HR(13 is his career high) and the 2 time All-Star could garner his first MVP trophy if he continues his torrid start. Mauer was the 1st overall pick in the 2001 draft by the Twins out of high school.

Rightfield-Ichiro Suzuki, Seattle Mariners-Ichiro is just a phenomenal player. The guy does it all. I can only imagine how big of a star he would be if he played on the east coast. I have a serious man crush on Ichiro because the guy plays baseball the way it should be played. Hustler is a good way. Ichiro was not drafted. He was signed as a free agent by the Mariners in 2001 after playing in Japan where he was an established superstar.

Centerfield-Adam Jones, Baltimore Orioles-Bazooka Jones has come into his own in 2009 batting in the 2 hole for the Baltimore Orioles. Top 10 in the AL in a ton of offensive categories, Jones has shown a set of skills that will make him a superstar for years to come. Jones was a 1st round supplemental (37th overall) pick by the Mariners in the 2003 draft out of high school.

Leftfield-Carl Crawford, Tampa Bay Rays-The 4 time AL stolen base champ has rebounded from some injuries in 2008 to again lead the majors in stolen bases with 34. Crawford was drafted in the 2nd round (52nd overall) in the 1999 draft by the Rays out of high school.

Starting pitcher-Zack Greinke, Kansas City Royals-Zack Attack leads the majors in ERA at 1.55 and has a nearly 9-to-1 K to BB ratio. His last start wasn't Greinke like but other than that he has shut the door down on offenses. An argument could be made for Roy Halladay right here and honestly you couldn't go wrong with either. But Greinke gets my pick because overall he has been more dominating than Halladay. Greinke was drafted in the 1st round(6th overall) in the 2002 draft by the Royals out of high school.

LEROY SMITH GET YOUR BASKETBALL ON

Oh how I miss the Charlie Murphy skits on the Chappelle Show. This infomercial made my sides hurt. I'm buying it and you should too.

BUD LIGHT COMMERCIALS ARE GETTING A LITTLE RAUNCHY

Best Bud Light Commercial Yet - watch more funny videos

YOUR MONDAY MORNING WAKE UP SONG

FRENCH OPEN COURT TACKLE

While Roger Federer is on his way to his record tying 14th Grand Slam title and his first French Open conquest some crazy douche bag rushed on the court. He ran up to Federer and touched him, causing Federer to look very concerned. But since Federer is Swiss he remained completely neutral. The French security got off their asses and didn't retreat this time. Hell, the security guy who makes the open court tackle should be auditioning for a NFL job with the textbook form he displayed.


UPDATE

Federer wins in straight sets to complete his career Grand Slam. Federer is a class act and I'm happy to see him finally conquer a French title. He is now tied with Pete Sampras with 14 Grand Slams and if he can win the Wimbledon in 3 weeks over Rafael Nadal he might be considered the greatest tennis player of all-time. Of course Nadal fans have a good argument against that title but today is Federer day. Viva la Federer!

KOBE STOP LOOKING AT MY....

The way the Lakers played tonight I doubt this series goes beyond 5 games now. Kobe was sick.

CONAN O'BRIEN: IN THE YEAR 3000

RANDY JOHNSON ALL SMILES AFTER HISTORIC 300TH VICTORY

Seriously, what the fuck is Randy Johnson's problem? I could have sworn the announcers just said he won his 300th MLB game becoming just the 24th member in the exclusive club but the guy can't as much as fake a smile. He just looks like a miserable s.o.b. Even when his son hugs him he has the look of a guy who is about to jump off the top of a building. Even David Carradine has smiled more in the past 24 hours and he is fucking dead dude. So get rid of the frown Big Unit. You will be going into the Hall of Fame. You have made over $167 million in your career. You got a World Series ring.

But yeah, with this mug life must really suck.

NBA FINALS PREDICTION

In 7 games the Lakers will beat the Orlando Magic. Kobe Bryant will be the MVP and get his 4th ring. I could bullshit you and tell you that the Lakers front court with Paul Gasol and Andrew Bynum will be able to hang with Dwight Superman Howard but I really have no idea what I am talking about. I don't usually watch the NBA regular season unless I am attending an Atlanta Hawks game at Philips. But the NBA playoffs this year has been really exciting to watch and I haven't been this into it since Jordan was playing. I hope the Magic win but I think the Lakers have the better team. It should be a great series.

SAMMY SOSA SPEAKS ENGLISH? NOPE, JUST BULLSHIT

''I will calmly wait for my induction to the Baseball Hall of Fame,'' the former Cubs slugger told the Web site after speaking at a government-sponsored event in the Dominican Republic. ''Don't I have the numbers to be inducted?''

This is what Sammy Sosa told ESPNDEPORTES, otherwise known as the Ocho, in announcing his retirement from the game of baseball because A)nobody wants him, B)they drug test now, and C)he can't understand english when asked about steroids.

Oh Sammy, you ignorant slut. Yes, his numbers would warrant a Hall of Fame selection if he played in any other era. But the guy was a juicer who's career was built on the ability to cheat. The corked bats and the steroids made him put up Hall of Fame numbers. Just looking at his numbers makes me sick to my stomach. He is the only guy to ever hit 60 plus home runs in a season 3 times. He is 6th on the all-time list of career home runs and 2nd all-time in whiffs. He either hit is very far or not at all. He was juicing like there was no tomorrow. He got a shitload of money because of the roids. Over $124 million to be exact.

But he is no Hall of Famer in my book. He maybe in his eyes but who gives a shit, he can't understand what I'm writing. He no speaka English thus no speaka Hall of Fameo.

BRAVES MAKE BOLD BUT NECESSARY MOVES

Yesterday was a great day if you are an Atlanta Braves fan. GM Frank Wren earned his paycheck while making some moves that should set up the Braves as a serious contender for a Wild Card run at the very least. The Braves offense has been struggling all season due mainly to a horrible outfield in terms of offensive production. Outfielder's Jordan Schafer, Jeff Francoeur and Garrett Anderson have been miserable in terms of contributions to the offense minus a couple of highlights this season. Wren saw the glaring weakness and made a great trade yesterday getting Pittsburgh All-Star Nate McLouth.

The best part of the trade was the Braves gave up relatively little to get a guy in McLouth who is wrapped up contract wise through 2011. The Braves traded minor league starters Charlie Morton(complete garbage in my humble opinion) and Jeff Locke(was getting hit hard in A ball) and promising young centerfielder Gorkys Hernandez(who has yet to hit a single HR in 212 AB's in AA). Essentially the Braves gave away minor league scrap metal to the Pittsburgh Pirates for their only All-Star. Hell yeah! If you ever wonder why the Pittsburgh Pirates organization has been shit for so long take a look at this trade along with their deals last season when they let Jason Bay and Xavier Nady go. McLouth will start in center for the recently demoted Schafer tonight against the Cubs and should get a warm welcome in Atlanta. McLouth is a solid defender (Gold Glover last season) who can steal bases with a MLB leading 92.8% successful stolen base percentage since the start of the 2005 season. And he also hit 26 home runs last year which is more than the whole Braves outfield combined last season. Great move by Wren and the Braves. Puzzling move by the Pirates letting go of a 27 year old foundation type player in McLouth.

The other great move by Wren yesterday was to give Tom Glavine his release and usher in the Tommy Hanson era. Braves fans love Glavine because he was instrumental in their only World Series title in 1995 pitching the game of his life against the Cleveland Indians. He was a crafty lefty who won multiple Cy Youngs and over 300 victories. He is a sure-fire first ballot Hall of Famer. But Glavine's time as a MLB starter is done. The 43 year old is way past his prime and was simply atrocious last season in the rotation. Remember the Braves paid him handsomely last season to get 2 victories on his belt while sporting an ERA north of 5.50. Roughly they paid him $4 million per victory. Glavine's career is done and don't feel sorry for him or feel like the Braves organization screwed him in anyway. Nobody was knocking on Glavine's door this offseason trying to sign him. The Braves did him a favor by giving him the chance to come back to Atlanta last year and finish out his career for the team he started. Remember Glavine was one of the union leaders during the strike and left the Braves in 2003 for the hated Mets for a contract that panned out to be one year more than the Braves were offering for similar money. He showed no loyalty to the Braves organization then so why should any Braves fan feel sorry for him now. He is washed up and a huge part of me hopes the New York Mets or Philadelphia Phillies sign him. Both teams need pitching. This would be the collective reaction of Braves fans if this indeed happened...

But anyways that is all water under the bridge. The thing that gets me really excited is to see the #1 pitching prospect in all of baseball in Tommy Hanson make his debut Saturday. Hanson is going to remind Braves fans a lot of John Smoltz. The 6'6 righty has been amazing the past two seasons in minor league ball and the Arizona Fall League. In AAA Gwinnett this season he has struck out 90 batters in only 66 innings while holding batters to a .169 BA. Chipper Jones stated he had the most impressive stuff of all the Braves pitchers in spring training. Hanson will join a staff that includes Derek Lowe, Jair Jurrjens, Javier Vasquez and Kenshin Kawakami. In other words the best pitching staff in the National League. Hanson was clocked up to 99 MPH in spring training and has an incredible curve ball and a very good changeup. He has future ace written all over him and should be the foundation for the Braves rotation for the next decade.

The Braves right now sit at 26 wins and 26 losses. They are in third place, 5.5 games out behind the Mets and Phillies in the NL East. With their arms they have the ability to go the distance. They just need the hitting. Hopefully Frank Wren is still looking for bats because the Braves are still incredibly weak at the power hitting positions(RF, LF, 1B) besides thirdbase with Chipper. And even thirdbase is a question mark with Chipper's health. Players like Luke Scott, Aubrey Huff, Matt Holliday, Lance Berkman, and others could be had if the Braves put together the right package. I would love to see them add Scott because he is a cheap player (2.4 million) who is still under team control for at least the next two seasons. He would add some serious pop to left field and is a great clubhouse guy. I would think the Braves would have to give up prospect 1b Freddie Freeman to get him which would be a great trade for both sides.

The future is now for the Atlanta Braves. Thank God.

LADY GAGA IS EVERYWHERE, BAFFLING

I can not go 4 hours in the day without hearing this chick sing her Poker Face song. Seriously, every time I go to LA Fitness or turn on my Sirius radio I hear that fucking song. I will admit it has a good beat but once she starts the "Po...Po...Po...Po...kkkkkeeerrrr face" I start to get really angry. I'm talking violent angry. I start flinging 5 pound dumb bells around like there is no tomorrow. I mean you would think with this song being so popular she would at least be hot. That would be a negative. Anyways I will let you the blog readers judge her for yourself. I got a Facebook message from a buddy of mine who is backpacking through Europe and he says people across the big pond are going nuts for Lady Gaga. I guess I just don't get it. She looks like Barbara Streisand's daughter.

YUNEL ESCOBAR IS A BITCH

As you probably know I'm not a big fan of Atlanta Braves shortstop Yunel Escobar. I hate his lazy play and the way he carries himself on the baseball field. He seems like a guy who is completely full of himself in the Barry Bonds way. He basically thinks he has the talent of Alex Rodriguez but he isn't even close. Escobar is a good player no doubt but he could be so much better if he played the game the right way. In other words hustle and be a good teammate.

Last night I attended the Braves-Cubs game with my wife and we had our typical lower level tickets behind the visitor's dugout on the third base side of Turner Field. Escobar comes to the plate in the 4th inning. Cubs pitcher Randy Wells throws him the high hard one and Escobar goes down. It looks like he has been beaned in the head. Escobar lays on the ground in an apparent daze. The crowd is concerned. The Braves bench is concerned. Hell, I'm concerned. I never want to see a player get beaned in the head. But guess what? He never got hit! The pitch hit Escobar's bat. It should have been a foul ball but Escobar, the bitch he is, acts like he is in pain from being hit by a pitch. This is the kind of shit that turns me off from soccer, Duke basketball, and now the NBA sometimes. This blatant faking doesn't belong in baseball. I had no idea Escobar didn't get hit until I got texts from two friends telling me he faked it.

I hate shit like this. It makes the Braves look bad. And if you think this is an isolated incident with Escobar and I'm going overboard in my criticism of him well then look at what he did against the Phillies on May 9th of this year. Yes, he did the same exact thing. If I am Cubs manager Lou Piniella I make sure that Escobar gets his medicine tonight. If I am Bobby Cox I make sure Escobar gets reprimanded for his acting. There is no room for this bullshit in the game. Ted Lilly should bean his frosted hair tip ass tonight in the first inning. They already have a history of Escobar taking exception of Lilly pitching inside to him.

So be on the lookout tonight for the Braves and Cubs to get in an all-out brawl. People will be hit. Feelings will be hurt. And Escobar will still be the whiny little bitch. He plays it so well.

SPORTSCRACK T-SHIRT TRIVIA QUESTION

You know the rules, the first person to answer this question correctly via email to matt@sportscrack.com gets a free Sportscrack shirt of your choice.

Today we are going to dive into a college football question. Less than a 100 days remain till kickoff, but seriously who is counting? Oh, that's right, everybody!

Anyways, here is the question: Phil Steele just released his 2009 College Football Preview, who can tell me who his #1 most improved team is and his #1 biggest surprise team for 2009?

Remember to send it to matt@sportscrack.com with your answers, your address, and what shirt and size you want.

Good luck!

THE WINNER IS BRENDON MCGIRR OF YORK, PA. BRENDON GOT THE CORRECT ANSWERS OF ILLINOIS AND PENN STATE TO OUR EMAIL THE FASTEST AND HAS PICKED THE NICK THE STICK SHIRT. CONGRATS BRENDON!

THINGS I THINK I KNOW...SORT OF

-Going into the 2009 College Football season there is little doubt that the Florida Gators are the best team on paper. They are the returning BCS Title Game winner and have the best player in college football in Tim Tebow. This isn't up for debate either. Tebow is the best player in college football. I don't want to hear from any Georgia fan or Sam Bradford apologist. Tebow is the best...accept it. Now if you want to make fun of Tebow go right ahead but you will have to look out for his 4 year old girlfriend. Don't you worry, she is saving her virginity for him. Her daddy wouldn't have it any other way.

You know you are big time when Erin Andrews comes up to you and offers you anything...and I mean anything...just ask Percy Harvin...for one night with you.

-This talk about Notre Dame playing Army in the new Yankees Stadium is beyond dumb. As a Notre Dame fan I have no desire at all to see the Fighting Irish play Army. One service academy on the schedule is enough. And don't give me this BS about it being a rivalry game with Army because it's not. It's all about the money. If they are going to play a game in the Northeast why not play it at an actual football stadium. I respect the tradition of Yankees baseball and believe that baseball should be the only game played in the new Yankees Stadium. Plus if you play a football game there the most you can get in the stadium is 45,000 and with seats starting at $2500 for a baseball game I can only imagine how much tickets will cost for a Notre Dame football game in the Bronx. It's beyond stupid to play Army there. Army isn't even a real opponent. Schedule someone like Penn State or even play Michigan there but do it in East Rutherford so people can actually afford to attend the game. Playing a game against Army in Yankees Stadium does nothing for the Notre Dame football program. If anything it makes them a laughingstock among college football pundits. Plus a game in New York City does little for their recruiting. If they want to get big time recruits they need to schedule neutral site games in cities like Tampa, Atlanta, Charlotte, Dallas and New Orleans. Those cities have big time venues in super rich recruiting areas. And these neutral site games need to be against quality opponents. No Army or Baylor or Washington State. Schedule a team like Miami or Georgia or even Texas on a neutral field. That will get me pumped up and it will get people to notice your program legitimately.

The last time Notre Dame vs. Army meant something was before the color television had been invented, no need to go back to black and white now.

-The 100 pitch count in baseball needs to go away. I know MLB teams are scared they are going to lose their high paid ace to injury if he throws over 100 pitches in a start but is there really any science to prove that 100 pitches is when arms start to fall off? Last night I was watching the Orioles-Mariners game (one of 5 people actually watching it live) and Orioles starter Rich Hill had a 2 hitter going while retiring 15 straight batters. He wasn't just retiring batters, he was making them look silly with his curveball. Instead of letting him pitch the 8th the Orioles manager Dave Trembley pulled him after he reached 100 pitches. Maybe Hill insisted coming out but I doubt it. When you are pitching that good you never want to come out especially in a 1-0 game. Baseball minds are getting too wrapped up around the idea of 100 pitch max for a starter. Nolan Ryan used to throw over 140 pitches regularly. His arm never fell off. These kids never throw more than 100 pitches or 7 innings in the minors and then when they are called up they don't have the strength to throw complete games. I don't see Roy Halladay or C.C. Sabathia complaining about throwing too many pitches. At least Nolan Ryan has taken notice and made the Rangers organization from top to bottom get rid of the 100 pitch count. And this isn't even up for discussion with Ryan. Ask Robin Ventura what happens when you disagree with Ryan...

YOUR MONDAY MORNING WAKE UP SONG

CHARLES BARKLEY CALLS HIS PRODUCER A PUSSY

Gotta love Barkley. He never holds back.

Video HT: Barstool Sports

BRUNO LANDS ON EMINEM AT MTV MOVIE AWARDS

This was all staged but it still is hilarious. I can't wait for Bruno to come out. Just the fact that he put his balls in front of Enimem is reason enough to give it a shot.

DREW BREES ROCKING THE COMBOVER MULLET

If I grew my hair out it would look exactly like this. I'm rocking the fading Pete Sampras hairline and instead of deciding to comb it over I just shave it. But New Orlean Saints QB Drew Brees is bringing back not only the comb over but also the Kenny Powers mullet. Good luck with that Mr. Chocolate Chip face. Hopefully this starts a trend in the sports world. I would love to see Matt Hasselbeck or even Kevin Youkilis sport the comb over mullet. Bring it back guys! Give this balding a hole a chance.

TERI HATCHER CAN STILL BRING IT

Desperate Housewives Teri Hatcher is like 89 years old and still looks like she could break some serious dicks off. It goes to prove that Botox can be a wonderful drug. As well as lipo and eating only food that rabbits enjoy. Go check out WWTDD for more pics of Hatcher cougar prowling on Miami Beach today.


And on that note have a great weekend everybody!

MATT WIETERS FIRST PRESS CONFERENCE

The kid looks like he is ready. One can only hope that he lives up to half of his hype. If he turns out to be anything close to resembling Twins catcher Joe Mauer then I will be one happy fan as well as all of the other Baltimore die hards out there.

Go get em tonight Matty!

Video courtesy of MASN Sports

KOBE AND LEBRON PUPPETS ON COKE