BROOKS F@#KING CONRAD!

The Braves bats are coming alive my friends! Brooks stinkin Conrad hits the walk off grand slam today in the 9th to send the Braves to an improbable 10-9 win over the Cincinnati Reds. The Braves were down 8-0 and 9-1 before entering the 9th down 9-3. Starter Tommy Hanson was off his A game but the Bravos never gave up and chipped away until the Reds completely self destructed.

Back-to-back-to-back walk off 9th inning wins for the Bravos send them over the .500 mark for the first time since they were sitting at 8-7. Hopefully they can keep the momentum going with an offense that seems to be heating up as fast as the summer arrives here in the ATL.

Here is the walk off grand slam from Conrad which is sure to be pulled by MLB because they are puppy raping Nazis...

I HATE DOING LAUNDRY

I honestly can't stand doing laundry. Ever since my college days when I would have to go to a laundry mat and sit around in a shit hole with no air conditioning while waiting for 2 hours for my clothes to dry I get angry when I do laundry. But seeing The Hills Audrina What's her face do fake laundry in this photo shoot puts a smile in my bitter heart. Somebody with some entrepreneurial skills should start a business where hot women come and do your laundry in nothing but skimpy or no clothes at all. I'm married now but back in my single days I would have paid for it. The laundry of course is what I'm talking about. I like my shit folded with creases but I think I wouldn't give a rat's ass as long as there was Audrina prancing around in panties.



And if you were wondering if this post was just an excuse to post pictures of Audrina topless then you would be correct.

WEDDING PARTY PICTURE GONE WILD

Lesson be learned: Too many fatties in a wedding party can send the whole thing crashing down.

Video HT: Rick

FLOYD LANDIS IS THE DOPE

Finally disgraced cyclist Floyd Landis thought he could come out and pull his Pete Rose card out and get some sympathy for cheating his game but all he really has done is thrown the entire sport including his former teammate Lance Armstrong under the bus...

Mr. Landis said that Mr. Armstrong’s longtime coach, Johan Bruyneel, introduced Mr. Landis to the use of steroid patches, blood doping and human growth hormone in 2002 and 2003, his first two years on the U.S. Postal Service team. He alleged Mr. Armstrong helped him understand the way the drugs worked. “He and I had lengthy discussions about it on our training rides during which time he also explained to me the evolution of EPO testing and how transfusions were now necessary due to the inconvenience of the new test,” Mr. Landis claimed in the email. He claimed he was instructed by Mr. Bruyneel how to use synthetic EPO and steroids and how to carry out blood transfusions that doping officials wouldn’t be able to detect.

What is it with athletes not accepting responsibility for their own actions this week? At least Hanley Ramirez apologized yesterday both verbally to his teammates and coach and also literally with his bat and his hustle. Listen Floyd Landis: YOU ARE A DOUCHEBAG! Everyone knows you don't go snitching once you have been caught. This isn't going to save your pathetic career. Everyone knows Armstrong used PEDs. You don't just miraculously recover from stage 3 cancer and go on to win 7 consecutive Tour De France races without a little or a lot of help from some PEDs. Some people may have their head buried in the sand on this and think prayer and the grace of God saved him but science proves with Armstrong at least that we can all LIVESTRONG with the help of some drugs and medication. I've already come to the conclusion that Armstrong cheated just like Bonds and McGwire miraculously started hitting 70 HR's in a season. So all you are doing Landis is being the dope. Stop being an asshole and go ride a bike or something.

THE J-HEY KID IS SO FREAKING MONEY

Just another game and another walk off double for The J-Hey Kid. No big deal with a game of 2 doubles and a triple. Just continues to play hero on a team that desperately needs him to be clutch every time he comes to bat. Heyward is so fucking money they should just hand him the Rookie of the Year Award along with the key to the city now.

The Bravos would easily be 5 to 6 games below .500 right now if Heyward was picking his nose in the minors. Instead he leads the team in OPS, RBI's, Slugging Percentage, and bitches who want to get on his nuts. Sorry Chipper and McCann but this is now The J-Hey Kid's team. 20 years old and already he has Albert Pujols nervous about stealing away his MVP Awards.

GOTTA LOVE BULL SHIT BIG TEN RUMORS

All of these come courtesy of Tom Dienhart's Tweets who apparently is a college football "writer" for Yahoo/Rivals...

If Texas and ND joined the Big Ten, the thought is they would request to play each other every year.
about 3 hours ago via Twitter for BlackBerry®

If ND joins the Big Ten, there is talk the league wouldn't take any other Big East schools.
about 3 hours ago via Twitter for BlackBerry®

And it sounds like the Big East may be pushing ND to discussions with the Big Ten. Play football in the Big East--or get out.
about 4 hours ago via web

Big Ten, Texas, ND are discussing a special rule to accommodate both schools. Instead of playing 8 league games, both would play 7.
about 4 hours ago via web

Latest Big Ten expansion buzz has the league focusing on Notre Dame, Texas, Nebraska.
about 4 hours ago via web

Listen I would love for Notre Dame and Texas to join the Big Ten and play each other every year but the special rule of 7 league games for the two of them is such bull shit I can't believe Dienhart would even "Tweet" it. I've come to the conclusion over the past 31 years that college football is a fucking mess because the NCAA doesn't control shit. I mean seriously why in the hell is Notre Dame still holding on to the independent status in football? I love Notre Dame football and all the tradition and everything about the school but they need to wake up and just join a conference. And the only reason why I want them to join a conference is so the Big Ten can expand to 16 teams and we can start moving toward an eventual playoff system.

I mean it's 2010 and we still have a bunch of greedy a-holes in charge of an archaic bowl system that doesn't mean shit. If the NCAA had any balls (which they don't as evidence with the lack of USC sanctions) they would give Notre Dame an ultimatum to join a conference like the rest of the free world (except Navy and Army) or they will never be given a chance to play for a National Title even if they go undefeated. Notre Dame fans are pretty much divided when it comes to joining a conference. Some love the idea. Some absolutely loathe joining the Big Ten. But guess what? All of them would get over it in about 20 minutes once Notre Dame finally caved and just joined the conference. The money will be more and the incentive to play for a conference championship is something the current football players could look forward to.

Ohio State AD Gene Smith made some good points to USA Today about Notre Dame joining the conference...

There has been speculation Notre Dame could again be approached. That strikes a chord with Ohio State's Smith, a Notre Dame alumnus.

"I've always struggled with my alma mater," he said. "I love them deeply, and the things I enjoy in life today are because of my experiences there, so my feelings run deep, really deep. If they end up being one of the schools, I hope that they would consider what a conference championship means to a young person.

"I was blessed to be there when we were winning national championships, as a coach and a player. The landscape has changed. … For me, I've just got to believe that for a Notre Dame football player, winning a conference championship and having that conference ring is a memorable experience, and then chasing a national championship. You can do both."

Some ND alums want to argue that Notre Dame would lose it's "brand" as a national university. No. It wouldn't. Just because the Yankees are in the American League East and the Duke Blue Devils are in the ACC and the Dallas Cowboys are in the NFC East doesn't mean they lost their "national brand." People are still going to love or hate Notre Dame throughout the world.

Personally I wish Notre Dame would join today because I think it would help create a huge domino effect. The Big Ten could get Texas, Missouri, Rutgers, and Pitt to make it a 16 team super conference with an incredible championship game in Chicago in the cold of December. Notre Dame could still play USC and Navy out of conference and would also create new rivalries with the likes of Texas, Ohio State, Penn State, Wisconsin, etc. This would be incredible. It would also force the SEC to expand and steal schools such as Miami, FSU, Clemson, and Georgia Tech from the ACC. The SEC would be absolutely sick. The PAC 10 could add Utah, BYU, Boise State, and UNLV among others so USC can still play a weak conference schedule every year and get their ass kicked with Lane Kiffin following the path of Paul Hackett's steps. The Big 12, Big East and ACC could join together for another conference of whomever is left after the Big Ten, SEC, and PAC 10 steals away their other teams.

That would make it 4 power conferences with 64 total teams. The other 50 plus schools who are 1-A or FBS or whatever the fuck you want to call it can either drop down to 1-AA or make their own conferences and play in all those bullshit bowl games that don't mean anything. The 4 conference winners then play in a playoff. Two semifinals. One final that would be bigger than the Super Bowl. You could fill in all of the other bowl games with teams who finished with at least 7 victories.

BAM. There you go. I just outbid Dienhart on his BS Big Ten rumors with my own mess of a scenario. Now go post this shit everywhere.

GREAT MOVIE POSTER

HolyTaco has some literal movie posters for all the summer shit coming to our screens this year. I thought this "Twilight" one was the funniest only because I've actually watched the first two movies (yes, I know, I'm gay, you win) and kind of enjoyed sleeping while watching them with the wife. The "Sex and the City" poster would have been great if they would have put the puppet from "Tales from the Crypt" on there instead of that retarded donkey.

MY FUCKING BALLS DUDE

Video HT: BarstoolSports had this priceless classic up before I could get to it. I love everything about this video. First he completely busts it on the concrete which is always funny. Second not one of his stoner buddies even reacts to his fall at first. They just sit there and try not to laugh or think about Cheetos. And then "I'm bleeding out of my fucking balls dude!" comes out of the kid's mouth and then you realize he isn't faking it. The kid's scrotum looks like shredded cheese on a taco. Now that is funny video.

Here is the extended version...."THIRD TIME IS A CHARM!"....

I'M NOT DRUNK: THE GAME

Back in the day I could have beaten this game in like a couple of hours. Today not so much. No worries though because it's in God's plan right?


Video HT: Andrew

HANLEY RAMIREZ INSERTS FOOT INTO MOUTH

Apparently Hanley Ramirez is trying to defend himself today for his lack of effort by telling reporters that the rest of his teammates are lazy assholes and his coach Fredi Gonzalez has no idea what he is talking about because he never played a game in the majors. Oh this is going to get really interesting...

"It's his team. He can do what he [expletive] wants," Ramirez said of Gonzalez.

Ramirez told reporters he wasn't planning on apologizing to his teammates or his manager. Whether that changes over the next day or two remains to be seen.

"For what?" Ramirez said. "We've got a lot of people jogging it, after ground balls. They don't pull guys."

"It's OK. He doesn't understand that. He never played in the big leagues. That's fine," Ramirez said. "That's the example that he set. It started with me. Let's see how far it goes."

How is that some athletes can be so fucking stupid and not let their precious ego get in the way? All Hanley has to do is apologize to his teammates and the coaches and go out there and hustle. It's that simple. All will be forgiven. But instead he has to piss and moan like a spoiled brat because he was benched when it was his own damn fault.

To Gonzalez credit he is doing the right thing. It's not Hanley's team no matter if he makes the most money and is the proverbial "face of the franchise." Hanley will not get a sniff of playing time unless he mans up and shows some respect to the rest of his team. He needs to grow up and realize that the Marlins expect him to lead by example.

Or else he will be traded to the Orioles where All-Stars go to die.

HANLEY RAMIREZ DISPLAYS HIS INNER YUNEL ESCOBAR

This is the kind of shit I can't stand in baseball. Baseball is the ultimate lazy man sport to begin with and the most you will ever have to run is around the bases is on a home run. Most of the time you just stand around and spit. Trust me, I do it every Saturday in my rec league. This is why I can't stand when guys who get paid millions of dollars to play a fucking lackadaisical game give an effort like this.

Hanley Ramirez obviously doesn't give a shit about his teammates or if they win. He would rather be soaking up the Miami sun then hustle to atone for his fucking error to begin with. I know Hanley is a superstar but fuck him. I would suspend him for a week without pay for the garbage he pulled last night. Fredi Gonzalez to his credit benched him immediately after the inning due to "a lack of effort."

"He got smoked with the ball in the ankle," Gonzalez said of the foul off Ramirez's leg. "But whether he's hurt or not hurt, we felt like the effort wasn't there that we wanted. There are 24 guys out there, busting their butts."

Seeing the lack of hustle with Hanley brings back painful memories of Yunel Escobar of the Braves. Another exceptional talent who thinks the world revolves around him and his mere presence in the lineup is reason alone not to give everything he has on the field. What Hanley pulled last night was shocking to me. I've never seen a player show such an utter disregard to even trying on the field.

It's so embarrassing that the Marlins should just go ahead and trade him to the Orioles along with Josh Johnson for Garrett Atkins straight up. At least Atkins hustles when he sucks.

ROGER FEDERER PULLS A ROB DEER

And completely whiffs match point with Rafa Nadal yesterday in Madrid...


I kind of dig how Rafa pulls a "Fairchild" at the end and accidentally brushes the ball girl straight in the boobs. The difference is Rafa is Spaniard and gets away with it because Europeans aren't all hung up about sexual groping on the clay court. In America with our 10 billion laws I would have been castrated for even thinking about brushing my ugly ass on a set of funbags.

Nice way to play it off Rafa by falling into the clay after the grope. Those Spaniards are so slick.

Video HT: TheBigLead

IT LOOKS LIKE HULK HOGAN'S KID IS OUT OF JAIL

Busted Coverage has this excellent video of a streaker in Tampa Bay eluding the Notre Dame defense. Oh wait, never mind, it's only the security detail at Tropicana Field. You gotta love the gang tackle form. It's like they were trained by Hulk Hogan himself. Oh yeahhhhhhh!!!!!!

THIS WEDDING DJ PLAYS SOME AMAZING AIR DRUMS

In case anybody was wondering where disgraced ESPN baseball announcer Steve Phillips had been hiding well I think we found him.

Still motorboating the big girls too.

Oh yeah, this DJ is now an overnight internet sensation. Next wedding I go to I will be severely disappointed not to see this guy there banging this shit out of milktits.

CATHOLICS VS. CONVICTS GAME IN SOLDIER FIELD?

The Chicago Tribune has a "source" close to the Notre Dame football program with details being worked out to renew a heated rivalry with the University of Miami for a game in 2012 at Soldier Field in Chicago.

FUCKING AWESOME!

Back in the 80's and early 90's it would be difficult to find a more tumultuous rivalry between two teams than the "Catholics Vs. Convicts" games played in Notre Dame Stadium and at the old Orange Bowl. Notre Dame and Miami hated each other with a passion that was so deep it often spilled out into fights even before the game started. Both programs were proverbial "powerhouses" during those days with rosters exploding with college football greats and future NFL stars with contrasting styles. The Notre Dame program with Lou Holtz at the command was portrayed as the lily white Catholic school with outstanding moral values who stood for the greater good of America by the media. The Miami program on the other hand with Jimmy Johnson and Dennis Erickson were the thugs from down south who represented things that were morally corrupt during the time. Of course these were fed to the public by the media and I ate it up back in those days.

To give you a feel for the energy of these games here is an intro clip from CBS back in 1988...


Notre Dame went on to win the game 31-30 and helped stake claim to it's last National Championship. The next season Miami won the head-to-head matchup at the Orange Bowl and went on to claim the "Team of the 80's" with another NC. They haven't played each other since 1990 when Notre Dame beat Miami thanks to an effective defense that created a ton of Hurricanes turnovers.

If in fact the game is finalized it will hopefully represent a reemergence of the two programs. Both Notre Dame and Miami have struggled for years to stake claim to anything remotely close to "National Championship" talk but both have the resources to return to glory. Brian Kelly brings a proven track record of winning every where he goes including leading Cincinnati to an undefeated regular season last year and should have the Irish hitting on all cylinders by 2012 which could be Dayne Crist and Manti Te'o final season in the blue and gold. Randy Shannon contract was just renewed for 4 years and he has helped clean up a Miami program that was hit by sanctions.

And if you were wondering if there will be a shirt done for this game you can already stop asking. Of course there will be. We are already working on designs. Nonlicensed ones so you can expect some good shit.

BROOKLYN DECKER IS STILL MARRIED TO ANDY RODDICK

And it's just another reason to hate the guy. I mean I get celebrity marriages. They are basically shams to cover up homoerotic behavior or for publicity purposes and clearly Brooklyn hit a two arm forehand with Roddick. But it's time to quit the games Brooklyn. You know and I know Roddick is out there banging whatever smiles at him. Look at you. You just look unhappy and alone...


It's time to face the truth and ditch Roddick before he goes all Tiger on you. You don't need that embarrassment and you don't deserve it. Come to the SportsCrack and smell this beautiful handkerchief. Ignore the raw ether I call love. I know it's a funny smell but you will grow to love it...


Pictures courtesy of WWTDD

PLAYBOY IN 3-D

Guys are really simple when it comes to what we like to look at and Playboy has been cashing in for over 50 years. The articles are what sell the magazine right? I love to see the reactions of the 3-D pictorial of centerfold Hope Dworaczyk. It's like they have never seen boobs in real life. "Woah, they look real!" "Daddy likey!" "I got get me some of that!" "I would so drug her and put her in my cellar!" are a just a few of the random things I heard in this video. Great job by Hugh Hefner to change it up this year. This should help sell a couple hundred more copies.

Oh and in case you are wondering how this is sports related well Hope use to "date" Jason Kidd. Supposedly they were dating back when Kidd was still married. Which gives me reason to post these pictures...

ARIZONA STATE APPLICANTS JUST WENT UP

If I were a high school senior I would be tearing up that application to Harvard or Notre Dame or whatever bullshit school that doesn't have Undie Run. Would you rather go to some place that is cold and full of fat people or do you want to party with future strippers/Tiger Woods mistresses?

Uh huh...that is what I thought. God Bless ASU.

Video HT: BarstoolSports

TIGER WOODS WITHDRAWS BECAUSE OF A BULGING DICK

HAHA...Awesome.

This is what Tiger needs to do to get his shit back. Get a divorce first. Give Elin everything you got. Start from scratch.

Second thing he needs to do is to start banging whores again. We know you aren't a Saint Tiger. Or even a Fake Phil. Embrace the dark side and run with it.

Third thing is he needs to hire me as his caddy. I'll take 5% or less. I could be your ultimate wingman. Call me.

BRIAN CUSHING CHEATED....NO WAY!

Houston Texans linebacker Brian Cushing was suspended for the first four games in 2010 due to a test he took last September, league sources told ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter.

Cushing appealed the test in February and lost -- and was suspended this month by the NFL. It is unclear when he was informed that he failed the test.

Cushing was named The Associated Press' Defensive Rookie of the Year and went to the Pro Bowl in 2009.

Cushing was hounded by rumors of performance-enhancing drug use before he became a pro, but the Texans were undeterred. They said then they found no truth to those rumors in their draft preparations.

Former USC linebacker Cushing has long been rumored to be on the juice. If you just look at the picture above with a reasonable eye you can tell he was pumping his shit with mass quantities while at USC. And in case you are wondering the pictures are not photoshopped. The one on the left is him during his freshman season with the milktits. The one on the right is him after roiding. Pretty much cut and dry.

Of course he never got busted in college because he went to USC and the NCAA treats them with kid gloves. Or O.J's. Whatever seems to fit at the time. I reached out to Cushing to get his side of the story. Let's just say he was still pumped up about getting a place at the table...



Cheat On Trojans! Cheat On!

WILL YOU JUST FIRE THIS GUY ALREADY

On Friday the Braves managed to hit rock bottom in terms of hitting by managing 2 fucking hits all game against some dinosaur named Jamie Moyer. Without the J-Hey Kid in the lineup the Braves are a collection of neanderthals aka Zane Smiths out there. They can't hit worth a shit. At all. Check out these stats.

Team Batting Average: .232 (27th of 30)
Runs Scored: 121 (25th of 30)
Home Runs: 18 (27th of 30)
RBIs: 114 (25th of 30)
Slugging Percentage: .337 (28th of 30)

They have been sitting in timeout for the last 5 years with Terry Pendleton as their hitting coach and it continues to get worse. Bobby Cox or Frank Wren don't have the balls to fire him because somehow they think their hitters will either come around or it's not entirely TP's fault. I can hear the laughter now. It's a collection of Kelly Johnson, Adam Laroche, and Andruw Jones cracking up with the mere thought of TP as the hitting coach. I loved Pendleton as a player but I really can't stand him as a "coach."

There is some thought among sportswriters in Atlanta that the only reason why Pendleton hasn't been fired is because he will be Cox's replacement next year. Fuck. It's on par with FSU naming Jimbo Fisher as successor to another Bobby, Bowden. It's going to get bad. Real bad. Just fire TP now. The season can still be saved.

FACE OF THE NBA

You can have all your talk about Kobe or Lebron or even Dwight being the face of the NBA but I don't want to hear it. When it comes to Canadian white point guards none of those fools can match up with the Sun's Steve Nash. Look at that face. It's the face of an angel. On acid.

In honor of Nash leading the Suns to a sweep of the San Antonio Spurs I demand all SportsCrack heads out there to Netflix the outrageous Canadian movie "Trailer Park Boys-Countdown to Liquor Day." If you haven't seen these guys in action you are seriously missing out. Bubbles is my hero. Here is a little sneak peak of the film that never made it to American theaters because we are too fucking stupid to handle Canadian redneck humor...


Image HT: Extra Mustard

PEGGY'S FEMALE PLUG-IN FRESHNESS

Angus beef and beer smell...ahhhh....it's amazing how far feminine products have come these days...

OHIO STATE SAYS FU NOTRE DAME

Ohio State would like to be known as the queen of horrific music videos with this "Glee" inspired flash mob dance....


Wow! The gayness factor was through the roof on this one but what did you expect, it's Columbus. I still think the Notre Dame one is more embarrassing. The Midwest schools should just do what they do best: lose big time in BCS Bowl games.

LAWRENCE TAYLOR'S MUGSHOT SAYS IT ALL

Last night I watched this program on Lawrence Taylor and Tara Conner (former Miss USA who tested positive for drugs) talking about their battles with substance abuse and I was thinking to myself "good they finally kicked their demons." Talk about an all-time jinx. Last night LT was busted in New York City for rape of a 15-year-old girl...

Police in New York arrested former Giants LB Lawrence Taylor and accused him of raping a 15-year-old girl on Thursday.

Taylor was held after being arrested by Ramapo, N.Y., police and charged with third-degree rape.

The allegations stemmed from an incident at the Holiday Inn in Suffern, N.Y., Ramapo Detective Lt. Brad Weidel told the Journal News.

Ramapo police supervisor Christopher St. Lawrence told the Journal News that the victim was a runaway from the Bronx and that she had been assaulted.

"She was a runaway since March and there was a pimp involved," St. Lawrence told the paper. "She got punched in the face. We're not sure who did it."

Third degree rape is statutory in case you were wondering. I think the mug shot pretty much paints the picture for LT. The guy has to be back on crack right? And we're not talking about the good ole SportsCrack. Those eyes have "crack pipe" and "pimp" written all over it. It's sad to think LT has thrown away most of his adult life due to drugs. He can't even remember his kids growing up for the most part because he was so consumed with addiction. Last night on the program which I believe was on A&E he talked about being clean for over a decade and how he would never go back to drugs because it would kill him. There really is nothing funny to say. The guy is just fucked up and needs to get some help by spending some time in jail.

THANKS BOBBY COCKS

You can always rely on the government to fuck up something so simple even if it's a spelling of a name. Bobby Cox was honored yesterday on Capitol Hill with a cake that read "Thanks for 50 Great Years Bobby Cocks!" DC should be honoring Cox after all the Nationals seem to get half their win total versus the Bravos. Maybe one of these days Bobby will wake up and realize your leadoff batters shouldn't have the worst on base percentage on the team and your best hitter shouldn't be batting 6th in the lineup. Nah! Eat your cake buddy.

Image HT: D.C. Sports Bog

RIP ERNIE HARWELL

Baseball lost a legend yesterday as long time Detroit Tigers announcer and Hall of Famer Ernie Harwell passed at the age of 92. Harwell is an icon in Detroit and will be missed dearly. Ernie goes out as a class act and will surely be impossible to replace. RIP Ernie Harwell.

CONAN O'BRIEN'S 60 MINUTES INTERVIEW

Conan O'Brien's 60 Minutes Inner Monologue - watch more funny videos

What better way to celebrate Cinco De Mayo than to have a fellow Mexican talk about getting screwed over by the man? It's a shame when Mexicans like Conan can no longer get solid jobs in the States because of their cheese belly's. I mean is it not obvious that Conan is clearly more funny and relevant than Leno? I'm going to pour one of Mexico's finest beers of Guinness out today for Conan, a native Mexican with his dark complexion. Senor Dingdong would be proud.

PHILLIES FAN GETTING TASERED

Fucking awesome. Brings tears to these eyes to see some douchebag Phillies fan getting tasered in front of 40,000 plus screaming maniacs in Philadelphia. They should make this a new sport. It would be like the 8 seconds on a bull. The person who lasts the longest on the field at Citizen's Bank Park before getting tasered wins season tickets or Chase Utley's jock strap.

In case you were wondering the kid being tasered is a teenager and is going to a school we can all relate to...

Wayne Consalvi told the newspaper that his son was not drinking and he wasn't on drugs. Steve Consalvi is "a real good student, heading to Penn State," his father told the Philadelphia Daily News.

Now it makes perfect sense. The kid should be wearing a State Penn shirt. Kids will never learn.

ARKANSAS PEOPLE SOUND INTELLIGENT

I have nothing against Arkansas people. Why would I? But why is this "guy" and I use the term loosely just hanging out in his truck like it's nothing after being thrown around by a tornado in it? The only reason I can think of is he probably has no pants on. That is the great thing about Arkansas. Pants are optional.

Video HT: BarStoolSports

THE WHITE WOMEN'S WORKOUT

Works every time...

White Women's Workout - watch more funny videos

GOOD MUSIC VIDEO TO GO OUT

I couldn't let you go into the weekend thinking of that garbage Notre Dame music video so I present "Chica Bomb." It's the perfect elixir for the soul as we head into a great weekend. And by soul I mean boner.

Peace!

YOUR KENTUCKY DERBY PREVIEW

I could ramble on for days about horses running around a track at ridiculous speeds but that would be boring. Instead I offer you some inside footage of The Kentucky Derby you won't be seeing tomorrow on television.

First we have a Southern Belle who loves her Mint Juleps (the official drink of the Derby)...


The infield is where the finest mud wrestling in Kentucky becomes legendary...


You have to bring the essentials to the Derby: Weed and toilet paper...


Then of course you got the infield Drunk slap off at 3 pm...


And then the race itself which is a time honored tradition. I'm talking about the Porta Potty Race of course...

BEST NEWS FAILS COMPILATION

THE NEW MATT KEMP "THE BISON" T-SHIRT

I've gotten a ton of requests for us at SportsCrack to make a Dodger's themed shirt. I figured a Rihanna's boy toy shirt wouldn't sell as well as this new one called "The Bison." Matt Kemp earned the nickname when the Dodgers were playing the Atlanta Braves and soul glo announcer Don Sutton mentioned Kemp looked "like a big buffalo running around the bases" as he stole his first major league base. Jon Weisman's popular Dodgers blog, Dodger Thoughts, ran with "The Bison" and it has stuck with him ever since.

Get your "The Bison" t-shirt and show your love for Rihanna's favorite boy toy in Matt Kemp...

WHAT. THE. FUCK. NOTRE DAME?

I was about to blog about Brian Kelly and his staff absolutely crushing it on the recruiting trail lately but then this monstrosity of a Notre Dame production "hip hop" video showed up in my inbox and all I can say is they better have those kids signed to binding letters. This has got to be the worst school music video I have ever heard. Babies can create better looking shits than this pooh.

Seriously after watching this video I think I hate Notre Dame. Or at least who ever decided this would be a good idea.

The Pope called Notre Dame today to thank them for creating something more embarrassing than a Catholic priest.

Feel free to leave your jokes in the comment section. Notre Dame deserves them after creating this piece of shit.

TP IS FOR BUNGHOLES

The Braves again "managed" to lose their 9th straight game today in embarrassing fashion in St. Louis. They scored 4 runs which I believe is a season high since the Opening Day massacre of the Cubs...sarcasm folks. The Braves should be scoring a lot more runs. Everyone knows this. Their lineup is not this bad. It's their hitting coach who "manages" to fuck up their offense by offering absolutely nothing to the team.

Let's take a look at what some of the recent Braves departures are doing since they escaped the wrath of TP...

KELLY JOHNSON: Last year hit .224 with 8 HRs, 29 RBIs and an OPS of .692 while losing his job to Martin Prado.
This year in Arizona he is hitting .320 with 9 HRs, 18 RBIs and an OPS of 1.203 while leading the Majors in long balls.

JEFF FRANCOEUR: Last year hit .250 with 5 HRs, 35 RBIs and an OPS of .634 before being traded to the Mets.
Since the trade he has hit over .300 with 13 HRs, 53 RBIs and an OPS of .837 in 99 games.

KJ and Frenchy were two highly regarded Braves prospects who continued to hit worse in the Bigs under the tutelage of Pendleton. One could say it's a coincidence but then you have to keep in mind that the Braves best hitters in Brian McCann and Chipper Jones go to their Dads for hitting advice rather than consult TP.

The Braves rank last in the league with a .228 batting average. Nate McLouth was an All-Star outfielder for the Pirates before coming over to the Braves. Now he's a .146 hitter. Melky Cabrera was "decent" in Yankee pinstripes and now he comes to a less pressure situation in Atlanta and he can't even sniff the Mendoza line. Troy Glaus is a shell of his former self. Yunel Escobar is constantly in LA LA land and on any other team would have been benched for his fuck ups on the field. Pendleton hasn't done shit with any of these batters making adjustments.

Right now I'm scared he is going to screw up The J-Hey Kid. Already Bobby Cox is complaining about him taking too many pitches. Jesus F-ing Christ! Heyward is not the problem Bobby! Look at what Adam Laroche is doing in Arizona. Check out Andruw Jones in Chicago and what Casey Kotchman is looking like in Seattle. One or two guys maybe a coincidence but when it reaches 10 or more players then I'm positive the problem is the hitting coach or lack there of one in TP. It's time to make a change. Don't let him fuck up Heyward. Loyalty can only take you so far Bobby and right now it's taking you straight to last place in your final season at The Ted.

"TP IS FOR BUNGHOLES!" is what my buddy Andrew texted me today when describing the Braves performance in 2010. Who knew that a visionary named Beavis would be so correct?...

MOTIVATIONAL PICTURE OF THE DAY

Big ass HT to George Lee for posting this picture.

OLDIE BUT A GOODIE

Star Wars: WTF! - watch more funny videos

I just had to post this. I'm not sure why it makes me laugh so hard but just seeing Hans Solo's face is priceless. Who knew George Lucas had such a warped sense of humor?

ST. LOUIS RAMS FAN OR NEW MULTIMILLIONAIRE?

Does this look like the face of a guy who just won $258 million dollars in the Powerball by spending $5 on tickets when he only had $28.96 in his checking account while trying to feed 3 kids? Why yes it is. This Show Me State resident showed his pearly whites yesterday as he accepted his winnings for being the lucky bastard to have the winning numbers in the Powerball game. Chances of him having the money or even living past 5 years has to be 10%. He does kind of have that Sam Bradford "oh shit I'm a new multimillionaire in Missouri" look on his face.

QUICK THOUGHTS ON THE FIRST ROUND

1. St. Louis Rams - Sam Bradford, QB, University of Oklahoma-David Carr 2.0. He is going to get destroyed in St. Louis.
2. Detroit Lions - Ndamukong Suh, DT, University of Nebraska-Absolute steal of a pick even at #2. The Rams will regret not taking House of Spears for years to come.
3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Gerald McCoy, DT, University of Oklahoma-Should be serviceable but I have my doubts of him ever being a Pro Bowler with his size.
4. Washington Redskins - Trent Williams, OT, University of Oklahoma-He did a great job of protecting Bradford...oh wait.
5. Kansas City Chiefs - Eric Berry, S, University of Tennessee-Grand Theft Berry is the closest thing to a sure bet as Suh is. Ed Reed 2.0 and a great pick for the Chiefs.
6. Seattle Seahawks - Russell Okung, OT, Oklahoma State University-Only gave up a sack once in his career. Walter Jones replacement.
7. Cleveland Browns - Joe Haden, CB, University of Florida-Kid plays hard all the time. Might not be the fastest cover corner but he will be a good pro.
8. Oakland Raiders - Rolando McClain, LB, Univeristy of Alabama-I actually really like this pick for the Raiders. McClain is a future Pro Bowler. Congrats to Al Davis for not being so senile.
9. Buffalo Bills - C.J. Spiller, RB, Clemson University-Good knowing you C. J. Have fun in Canada!
10. Jacksonville Jaguars - Tyson Alualu, DT, University of California-What the fuck? Seriously Jaguars? The kid can play but why not trade down and get more picks?
11. San Francisco 49ers (from Denver) - Anthony Davis, OL, Rutgers-Great pick by the 49ers. Davis is another solid piece to an already good line in San Fran.
12. San Diego Chargers (from Miami) - Ryan Matthews, RB, Fresno State-I have my doubts with Matthews but anybody could run for 1000 plus yards with the Chargers line.
13. Philadelphia Eagles (from Denver) - Brandon Graham, OLB, University of Michigan-As much as I hate Michigan and the Eagles I love this pick. Graham will be an All-Pro for many years.
14. Seattle Seahawks (from Denver) - Earl Thomas, S, University of Texas-Everyone seems to love Thomas. I'm not one of them. Berry is light years ahead of him.
15. New York Giants - Jason Pierre-Paul, DE, University of South Florida-Sweet strip club last night Jason. Let me guess it was the Rosenhaus's idea?
16. Tennessee Titans - Derrick Morgan, DE, Georgia Tech-When he decides to play there is no better DE in this draft.
17. San Francisco 49ers (from Carolina Panthers) - Mike Iupati, OG, University of Idaho-Never seen his face before yesterday. Gotta love the Samoans though.
18. Pittsburgh Steelers - Maurkice Pouncey, C, University of Florida-Nothing like celebrating in a double wide while making out with dudes while hitting your head on popcorn ceilings. You win Pouncey.
19. Atlanta Falcons - Sean Weatherspoon, OLB, University of Missouri-I'm 50/50 on this pick. I wanted Graham for the Falcons but the Eagles traded up to nab him. Weatherspoon was the next best thing I suppose. We will see.
20. Houston Texans - Kareem Jackson, CB, University of Alabama-Had to get a corner to replace Dunta Robinson.
21. Cincinnati Bengals - Jermaine Gresham, TE, University of Oklahoma-Good pick by the Bengals but didn't they just draft a tight end last year in Chase Coffman?
22. Denver Broncos (from New England) - DeMaryius Thomas, WR, Georgia Tech-Wow, the first receiver taken is Thomas. The kid was a stud in a triple option offense so he is used to catching ducks which should be plenty from Tebow.
23. Green Bay Packers - Bryan Bulaga, OT, University of Iowa-Kind of surprised he fell this far but also surprised they didn't take Dez Bryant. But then again they needed to protect Aaron Rodgers who maybe the best QB in the game. No joking.
24. Dallas Cowboys (from New England) - Dez Bryant, WR, Oklahoma State University-The Cowboys trade up to steal one from the Ravens. This pick has a Randy Moss feel to it. A lot of teams will regret not taking a chance on the kid.
25. Denver Broncos (from Baltimore) - Tim Tebow, QB, University of Florida-I like Tebow. I really do. The kid does everything the right way and is a good football player and an even better human being. With that being said this was one of the dumbest selections ever. McDaniels is on the hotseat immediately.
26. Arizona Cardinals - Dan WIlliams, DT, University of Tennessee-Williams will be a better pro than Gerald McCoy. Just watch.
27. New England Patriots (from Dallas) - Devin McCourty, DB, Rutgers-Looked good on film. Holy Shit! Rutgers with 2 first round picks. USC, Georgia, and Notre Dame combine for 0.
28. Miami Dolphins (from San Diego) - Jared Odrick, DT, Penn State University-Probably a Miley Cyrus fan.
29. New York Jets - Kyle Wilson, CB, Boise State University-Who fucking knows.
30. Detroit Lions (from Minnesota) - Jahvid Best, RB, University of California-Big fan of Best and I hope he tears it up in Detroit. Suh and Best are great selections for the Lions. Seriously.
31. Indianapolis Colts - Jerry Hughes, DE, TCU-Not as quick as Dwight Freeney but could develop into a Pro Bowl type player for the Colts.
32. New Orleans Saints - Patrick Robinson, CB, Florida State University-Should have taken Sergio Kindle here. FSU players are overrated.

PENN STATE TAILGATERS LOVE THEIR MILEY CYRUS

Shit they don't even pretend not to like Miley Cyrus. I'm pretty sure playing anything Miley Cyrus at your tailgate is grounds for disturbing the peace much less a tailgate. I award you Penn State fans. Just when I think you can't get any more embarrassing you go out and totally redeem yourself.

BEST PART OF THE NFL DRAFT: MAURKICE POUNCEY SELECTION

It's good to know the Rooney family is getting rid of all the trash on their team by trading away Super Bowl MVP Santonio Holmes to the Jets and looking to deal Rapelisberger before he assaults another chick in some bar. It's classy guys like Florida center Maurkice Pouncey who love to bend over in front of Tim Tebow their whole college career and decide a double wide trailer would be the best place to celebrate getting drafted will bring the respect back to the Steelers organization. And to top it all off he not only loves to go "hogging" in Panama City but he also enjoys making out with dudes (yes, I know it's his twin brother which kind of makes it more weird) before heading off to a blue collar city like Pittsburgh.

Thank God the Steelers took Pouncey. He seems like a great fit for Pittsburgh. Double wide and all.

TAILGATING AT THE TED WIN OR LOSE WE ALWAYS BOOZE SHIRT

Cue the mother fucking $$$$$$ signs! This shirt has cult classic written all over it. Whenever you head down to The Ted to see The J-Hey Kid or Big Red throw another gem you have to be wearing this shirt if you plan on doing some serious tailgating. The chances of you getting a free beer in The Ted goes up tremendously with this tee and the chances of you getting laid are about 99.99999% guaranteed.

You can buy it now for immediate shipment at our STORE PAGE. And in case you were wondering this was designed by Dave Bregande. The idea was all mine but Dave agrees with me the Native Americans like the sauce a little too much. And before you send me some hate mail please remember that we are equal opportunity offenders here.

But it now!!!!

BRIAN KOWNACKI LEAPS THE CATCHER

Fordham's Brian Kownacki might have made the most athletic play on a baseball field I have ever seen. Seriously, can you think of a more unbelievable play? I can't.


Big HT to Dave Bregande for the clip. If you are looking for a professional graphic designer who does excellent work then I highly recommend contacting Dave.

MAYBE NOT THE BEST PLACE TO PUT THOSE K SIGNS

The unintentional hatred/comedy was through the roof last night at Safeco Field as Doug Fister (hence the K's with the fist) was mowing down Orioles batters (who hasn't) and some fan was posting K's right next to Jackie Robinson's retired 42 number. If you were wondering where Bartman has been hiding all these years I think we have found our answer. Now go ahead and hate this kid for no good reason.

Image HT: Deadspin

DAN BOYLE HAD MONEY RIDING ON THE AVALANCHE

The San Jose Sharks defenseman Dan Boyle must have had a lot of dough or a family members life dependent on the Colorado Avalanche last night because shit like this doesn't happen to you in the playoffs...


I would put Boyle on immediate suicide watch. I don't even know how you can fuck up this bad.

Video HT: HotClicks

SOME JASON HEYWARD FACTS

The legend of the J-Hey Kid continues to grow as yesterday Heyward got his second shaving cream pie in less than two weeks after hitting the game winning 2 RBI single with two outs in the ninth against the Rockies. The kid has an OPS over 1000 and has driven in 15 runs which is good for second in the majors. I think it's time for him to move up in the lineup. Just a hunch but I think J-Hey can handle the bat just fine batting in the leadoff spot. Here are some Jason Heyward facts sent in from Patrick who got it from Guyism.com...

1. Jason Heyward uses a bat made from one of Chuck Norris’ femurs.

2. Jason Heyward doesn’t strike-out. The balls are just so afraid of his bat that they refuse to be hit.

3. A man who went into cardiac arrest at Turner Field didn’t need to be resuscitated with adrenaline filled needles, someone just yelled “Jason Heyward,” and the man woke back up.

4. At 20, Jason Heyward can’t legally drink. But if he could, his drink would be made with Johnnie Walker Blue and the tears of opposing pitchers.

5. Jason Heyward hit so many bombs during spring training that he’s now on the TSA’s No-Fly List.

6. Jason Heyward once hit a home run so hard that it traveled through time and counted for the previous day’s game. Because of the extra runs, his team won and the MLB implemented the “Heyward Space Time Continuum Rule” in order to prevent future home runs from dictating the outcome of past games.

7. Atlanta doesn’t have a Bat Signal, they simply shine a picture of Jason Heyward in the sky when they need a bat-themed hero.

8. Jason Heyward once hit a ball so high that it blocked out the sun for two days. During those two days Stonehenge was constructed.

9. Eyjafjallajokull Volcano? That’s where Heyward’s second home run landed.

10. Bill Brasky often tells stories about his time with Jason Heyward.

THE CLEVELAND CAVS BONE THUGS N HARMONY PLAYOFF SONG

HT: Dave

Finally the NBA Playoffs are about to begin. Total homer pick here but I'm going to say Denver vs. Atlanta in the Finals. Those were my two favorite teams growing up and they are pretty much the only teams that I really watch these days. I want to see the Birdman vs. J-Smooth.

LIFE LESSONS WITH MR. T

How did Mr. T never become our Surgeon General? The guy was a fucking genius who would deliver all the hard hitting facts on how to make your life and the others around you better back in the 80's. Our country died a little bit when Mr. T vanished from the spotlight. Never forget Mr. T. I pity the fool who does.

ORLANDO HUDSON THINKS JERMAINE DYE CAN'T GET A JOB BECAUSE OF RACISM

Jeff Passan of Yahoo Sports has a great read on possible racism in regards to black free agents in baseball. No BS either, this is what the Minnesota Twins Orlando Hudson thinks...

"You see guys like Dye without a job. Guy with [27 home runs and 81 RBIs] and can't get a job. Pretty much sums it up right there, no? You've got some guys who miss a year who can come back and get $5, $6 million, and a guy like Jermaine Dye can't get a job. A guy like Gary Sheffield, a first-ballot Hall of Famer, can't get a job. We both know what it is. You'll get it right. You'll figure it out. I'm not gonna say it because then I'll be in [trouble]. Call it what you want to,” Hudson said. “I ain’t fit to say it. After I retire I’ll say it. I’ve got a whole bunch of stuff to say after I retire."

Listen I have no fucking clue if there is racism among MLB executives but what I do know is that teams have shown interest in Dye and he has yet to sign. The Washington Nationals have offered him a contract and Dye turned them down. The reason why teams aren't offering Dye huge money to sign was because he was horrible in the 2nd half of 2009 ("batting .179 and slugging .297 while playing subpar defense in right field") and because he is 36 years old. Nobody wants a deteriorating 36 year old with declining stats for $5 million plus a season. It's the economics of the game.

And please don't start the Gary Sheffield argument. He's 41 years old and has never shown any loyalty to a team or teammates for that matter. Fuck him and his juicing ass.

But I guess I can see where Hudson is coming from since there are hardly any white players in the NBA. That's racism right?

I REMEMBER KIRBY PUCKETT BEING A LITTLE MORE CHUBBY

Image courtesy of The Big Lead

Life like my ass! Even Kirby Puckett Jr. is smirking at it. The Twinkies opened their new digs out yesterday at Target Field with a nice little victory over the Boston Red Sox. The ballpark looked great without snow and without a lake next to it. I guess I can dig the Puckett bronze statue. The guy was one of my favorite players growing up. I had a poster of Puckett thumb nailed on my wall. It was shredded down after the 1991 World Series. Let's just say I got a little piece of revenge on those white hanky waving bastards.

No hard feelings though since I've put all my hate into Lonnie Smith for that Series loss. Fucking coke head couldn't just look at his base coach. Is it so hard to just run as hard as possible to the white line Lonnie as you did on a little mirror?

AN AMERICAN ICON PRESENTS MICHAEL PHELPS

American Gold Medalist swimmer Michael Phelps was one of 9,239 people who decided taking in a Baltimore Orioles games seemed like a fun thing to do at the time. Of course the O's managed to lose another game to a very good Rays team and now sit at 1-6 and in the basement of the American League. But what does Phelps care? When I look at him here I can't help but think of Spicoli. "That was my skull! I'm so wasted!"

Image courtesy of AP

CHAN HO PARK DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO HOLD HIS SHIT TOGETHER

Talk about a candid interview you won't ever get with the likes of Tiger Woods who are so image conscious. This lovely interview with the New York Yankees Chan Ho Park is all about honesty and integrity. "I had a lot of diarrhea!" could instantly become a cult classic. The marketing possibilities are endless for the Yankees. You could do an Imodium Night or a Charmin Ultra Soft (my preferred ass wiping brand) give away. I don't even like Koreans or the Yankees but I would go to one of those free promotion nights.

PS-I don't really hate Koreans, just their food. Gives me the shits.

Video HT: Jeff

TIGER WOODS YOU SUCK!

Tiger Woods cost me a $5 bet with my wife yesterday by finishing 4th. I made the bet thinking he would win the Masters because supposedly he has gone 4-5 months without any nookie while in "Sex Rehab" and like Costanza he would be able to cure cancer or some shit since he was abstinent. Fucker couldn't even beat Lefty. I love Verne Lundquist thoughts on Tiger's shot: "I don't think he's pleased!"

Tiger needs to go back to doing what he did before leaving golf: sinking putts while nailing sluts.

TEXAS STADIUM IMPLODES

Sorry it took so long. The reason why the implosion was delayed was because Tony Romo managed to fumble the control.

JASON HEYWARD'S FIRST MAJOR LEAGUE SWING

From a fan's perspective...



I've watched Jason Heyward's first home run/hit/swing of his major league career probably about 145 times already and I still get the chills every single time. The mother fucking J-Hey Kid has brought back baseball fever to Atlanta. Hey-fever to be exact.

Video HT: Will

CONGRATULATIONS DUKE

You won your 4th NCAA Title under Coach K or "The Rat" as I like to call him. If you would have told me before the tournament started that Duke would win the title I would have called you crazy. But then again I didn't get any of my Final Four teams right and my bracket was fucked as soon as Kansas lost to Northern Iowa. Somehow Duke managed to win with a team that really has no stars (Scheyer and Singler resemble more Nazi than hoops star) and with a center in Zoubek who is slow footed and fouls constantly yet manages to stay in the game. And no I'm not hating on Duke because it's the cool thing to do. I've always hated Duke. Ever since Christian Laettner and Bobby Hurley were tag teaming each other.

With Duke winning this also proves the ACC is the best conference in the nation. Sorry Big East fans. When you guys start winning big boy championships and not women's hoops then you can come talking about how elite your conference is. With that said I leave you with this classic video in honor of the Dookies...

MARK BUEHRLE'S AMAZING BETWEEN THE LEGS BACKWARD FLIP

This is the beauty of baseball. Just when you think you have seen it all then something completely unfathomable happens. This Mark Buehrle backwards-between-the-legs-glovehand-flip-of-the-baseball is one of those plays you will never see again.

WELCOME TO THE SHOW JASON HEYWARD

First day of the season and I have already gotten the chills, jumped up and down, and peed a little bit on myself after Jason "The J-Hey Kid" Heyward absolutely crushed the shit out of a 2-0 fastball in his first major league at-bat.

Catch the first pitch from Hank Aaron: Check

Hit first big league home run: Check

Already a legend by crushing a 446 foot home run in first major league at bat: Priceless

I RETRACT MY BLANKET STATEMENT ON BASEBALL PLAYERS BEING SALLYS

Vanderbilt pitcher Corey Williams shattered his right kneecap from the line drive off a Florida Gators metal bat and still managed to get the out. Yeah. That guy can play for me any day.

Opening Day is upon us. The fresh air of unrealistic expectations are ready to bloom. Gotta love it though. As an avid Baltimore Orioles and Atlanta Braves fan I'm pretty f-ing excited about this season. The Orioles should be much improved with a team that will make some noise in an always rough AL East. They won't contend for a playoff spot this season but they should mature and be ready to knock off the Yankees and Red Sox in the near future with some excellent young talent blossoming (Brian Matusz, Brad Bergesen, Chris Tillman, David Hernandez, Jake Arrieta, Matt Wieters, Nolan Reimold, Felix Pie, Nick Markakis, etc.)

The Braves on the other hand have a legitimate shot at contending for a playoff spot this season. It's Bobby Cox final season and the pitching will be anchored with 4 solid starters (Lowe, Hanson, Jurrjens, Hudson) and the offense should be much better with a rebound season from Chipper Jones expected and the addition of power bats in Troy Glaus and some rookie named Jason Heyward whom you may have heard of. At the very least they should contend for a Wild Card spot.

Here are some predictions for 2010:

AL EAST: New York Yankees-Top to bottom they have the best players in the majors right now. Jeter, A-Roid, and fuckface Teixeira are all future Hall of Famers and will produce because they always do. The pitching will be excellent with C.C., Burnett, Pettitte, and Vasquez. Plus their payroll is $200 million so they can buy whatever the fuck they want.

AL CENTRAL: Detroit Tigers-I'm just going on a hunch here. I think the Tigers are going to be one of the best teams in the majors this season. Verlander will be a Cy Young contender and the bullpen should be excellent.

AL WEST: Anaheim Angels-Just because they lost Lackey to the Red Sox doesn't mean all of a sudden the Angels are going to suck. They are still the best team in the AL West and despite the Seattle Mariners making a ton of improvements the Angels still have their number.

AL WILD CARD: Tampa Bay Rays-They edge out the Red Sox if they don't trade away Carlos Pena and Carl Crawford.

NL EAST: Philadelphia Phillies-Best team in the National League. No need to argue here.

NL CENTRAL: Cincinnati Reds-They are my surprise team this season. I think they got the pitching and young hitting to put together a special season in an awful division.

NL WEST: Colorado Rockies-All of the other teams in this West got worse. The Rockies got better. I like them for 90 plus wins this year.

NL WILD CARD: Atlanta Braves-Bobby Cox's final season goes out with a bang with a World Series ring...just kidding. They will make the playoffs though.

GET A ROOM ALREADY BOB HUGGINS

That about as close to one can get without making out. I was anticipating Huggin's tongue to wreck some havoc on Desean Butler lips at any moment. Apparently whatever Huggins said worked because Butler hobbled off the court and appeared okay for being in such dramatic pain shortly before. The moment seemed awkward and about as genuinely honest as John Calipari. I felt the need to bathe myself in vinegar while sucking my thumb because I thought I just witnessed two guys who were just ready to fuck each other right there in Indy.

With that being said Happy Easter everybody!

NOTRE DAME RECRUIT MATT JAMES DIES IN FALL FROM BALCONY

Picture courtesy of UHND.com

Tragic news out of Panama City, Florida where yesterday star Notre Dame offensive lineman recruit Matt James died after falling off a third-story balcony at a Days Inn while vacationing for spring break. James was set to enroll at Notre Dame in two months and was just one week short of his 18th birthday. According to police reports he died instantly.

“The Notre Dame football program is in a state of disbelief and incredible sadness with the news of this tragic event,” Notre Dame coach Brian Kelly said in a press statement. “Our thoughts and prayers go out to the family and friends of Matt James in this most trying of times.”
“On a personal level, I got to know Matt quite well over the past few years and he was a wonderful young man from a great family. Matt was an extremely talented person who was very bright and possessed a great dry sense of humor. He could not wait to join the Notre Dame family,” Kelly said. “My prayers and deepest condolences go out to the James family as well as the St. Xavier High School and Cincinnati communities.”

James by all accounts was an excellent person as well as a football player. He was selected to the first team All-USA Today Team and was a Top 100 recruit according to Rivals.com. The Cincinnati recruit picked Notre Dame over Ohio State on signing day two months ago and was considered a major recruiting coup for new coach Brian Kelly. Toxicology tests and an investigation has been launched into the cause of James death.

R.I.P. MATT JAMES

KEVIN GARNETT FELT LIKE THEY WERE PLAYING DUKE LAST NIGHT

Kevin Garnett: "We were playing Michael Fucking Jordan!"

Ok, KG was not referencing the Duke Basketball team. He was talking about Kevin Durant and the fact that Durant went 15 for 15 from the free throw line last night. Durant was getting to the line like Duke gets to the line. And both are fucking perimeter ballers.

I can understand KG's frustration. You feel like you playing 8 against 5. But the Celtics blow. Hear me KG? You guys are old and washed up.

The Atlanta Hawks are the hottest team in the East right now. They blew out the Lakerslast night at home. With less than 10 games to go to the playoffs you better recognize the Hawks as the favorite. Forget the Cavs and the Magic. They have no depth. Put your money down on Atlanta today and thank me later.

Video HT: Deadspin