SportsCrack Blog

Friday, June 17, 2011

Friday Funbags

This is a new feature I'm going to try out every Friday. Instead of doing a Friday Mailbag which is boring and I'd rather not answer fucking questions from you people (and by you people I mean all races, gender, etc.) so instead we will do the Friday Funbags. This is just a little taste of what's to come. I'm going to need your help though. If you got a great .gif please post them in the comments section below or email them to me. We will be sure to post it next week. Consider it charity for all the SportsCrack heads out there. Hell you might even be able to write it off on your taxes. Enjoy.





The Mavs and Dirk On Letterman's Top 10



Just go ahead and fast forward to the end. It's fairly obvious NBA players aren't good at reading bad jokes. But Dirk will have none of that. He fucking nails a Kardashian joke at the end. Straight up pile drives it and makes a sex tape out of it. Dirk is the German God of Basketball.

Phillies Fan Getting Phingerblasted



You know the old adage "take me out for some peanuts and cracker jacks" has been changed these days in Philly. Today the kids go out and get fingerblasted in the stands. Just clean and pure family entertainment in that downtrodden city up north. Not only can you smell it but you see it.

Video via BarStool

Thursday, June 16, 2011

FX's The League has some NFL PSAs

The FX Network has a show called "The League." You may have heard of it. If you haven't seen it please do yourself the favor and rent the first two seasons. You won't be disappointed. Trust me. Don't be an asshole. Rent it now.

Anywho "The League" has come out with a PSA. Actually four of them. Watch and learn as Ruxin tickles the funny bone. Everyone on the show makes an appearance except Pete. I'm kinda curious as to why he was left out. Oh well less thinking and more drinking right? Sip up.

DEMANDS...


IMAGINE...


WHAT WOULD YOU DO...


And last but certainly not least a feeling we all get with the thought of no NFL in the Fall. It could get ugly.
FREAKS OUT...

Bubba Watson rocking the camo at the US Open


Via @ajcsportseditor

Bubba Watson is quickly becoming my favorite golfer on the tour right now. The guy rocks out in overalls for boy bands and now he has the balls to wear the camo at Congressional. It's only a matter of time before he says something really controversial. Go Kenny Powers on us Bubba. Golf needs more characters like Bubba. Fuck Tiger!

The MoneyBall Official Trailer is Out



It's been at least 5 years since I have read "Moneyball" and still I am confused why a movie would ever be made of it. I mean it's not the most exciting, gripping story you will ever read. It's for baseball nerds like myself. It's about Oakland A's general manager Billy Beane bucking the old fashion MLB scouting system which values power and batting average and instead valuing on-base percentage and team speed. I mean it's not exactly historic or exciting. I'm sure Brad Pitt will do an excellent job portraying Beane and Jonah Hill will play a stat nerd flawlessly but I honestly have no desire to see this movie. And I'm a baseball fan.

It's an eventual NetFlix movie for me. What about yourself? Would you pay $12-15 to go see this in the theaters?

Lebron James to the WNBA?



Who is Lebron kidding? He's not gonna win a title in the WNBA. He's not manly enough for that league. They would run his ass over. And over. And over again.

Gary Bettman Is The Most Loved Person in Hockey



Holy shit Zdeno Chara is a fucking Mongoloid! Look at that fucking dude. I'm almost positive he can part seas with his farts. No wonder after the Bruins won the Cup the natives of Vancouver started to riot. They thought fucking Godzilla was invading their country.

But yeah. Fuck Bettman. The guy is a smarmy douche.

So Yeah, Canadians Know How To Riot


Last night the Boston Bruins beat the Vancouver Canucks 4-0 to capture their first Stanley Cup in over 39 years. But the real story was the riots that went off shortly afterwards. It's been 18 years since a Canadian team has won the Cup. Apparently America's hat isn't too fond of that fact. Last night Vancouver turned into the Middle East.

Here are some riots footage from Vancouver. People are savages. Go to the 3:00 mark and watch some dude get pummeled because he was trying to protect his store. Crazy.


Here is some guy taking out a Port-a-john...


Flash bang to the balls to the guy wearing the old school Alexander Mogilny Canucks jersey...


And even if you were a Canucks fan who tried to stop the senseless rioting there is a pretty good chance you got knocked the fuck out...


Now I know why Atlanta lost a hockey team to Canada. They take hockey just a tad more serious up there.

All Videos via TheBigLead




Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Jason Heyward can now play since it's his bobblehead doll night


From the AJC...

Hello there, and happy Jason Heyward Bobblehead night….which is going to be a pretty good way to punctuate his return from the disabled list.

Update: The Braves announced this afternoon that Heyward had been activated from the disabled list and is in the starting lineup for the first time since May 19. Freeman is out of the lineup as the Braves are going to play it cautious with his strained right oblique. (Lineup: 1. Schafer CF, 2. Uggla 2B, 3. McCann C, 4. Jones 3B, 5. Hinske 1B, 6. Gonzalez SS, 7. Heyward RF, 8. Mather LF, 9. Hudson P.)

Heyward told a person close to him this morning that he’s feeling good and ready to return to the lineup. After two minor league rehab games with Triple-A Gwinnett up in Indianapolis, Heyward traveled back to Atlanta today. Heyward will likely take batting practice before the Braves make a final decision on activating him but he told this person his shoulder is feeling as good as it’s felt in a long time and he’s “ready to get back to the office.”

Heyward might normally have played another game or two for Gwinnett, but the G-Braves are off today and return home for a long homestand.



How magically delicious! So let me get this straight: Heyward has been out of the lineup since May 19th and couldn't take a swing because of his shoulder up until a few days ago and now he has miracously healed and will be in the starting lineup tonight. All the Braves had to do was rub a little Bobblehead doll magic on him and gusto, the big guy is all good. Crazy how that works out.

Chipper calling him out might have been the wake up call Heyward needed. Everybody plays hurt and I think it's now become apparent to Heyward that he needs to stop being a puss and play. Like Chipper said, 80% of Heyward is still a lot better than most guys in the league. While I still have my doubts Heyward will ever be a legit star in the league because of his numerous injuries (I'm thinking he's more of a Cliff Floyd/Jeffrey Hammonds than a Vlad) there is no doubt the Braves are going to need him especially when vying for a playoff spot.

Let's just hope he doesn't suck it up once they get to the playoffs like last year.

And oh yeah, I will be at the game tonight. Heyward owes me a bobblehead at the very least right?

Terrelle Pryor Apologizes to Jim Tressel and the Buckeye Nation



How do you take this apology if you are Buckeye Nation? To me it seemed sincere even though Terrelle Pryor never admits to what he is apologizing for to Jim Tressel. But at least Pryor did say "sorry" and we still have never heard that from Reggie Bush to the USC program.

I say sorry to all the Buckeye nation and all the Buckeye fans across the country," Pryor said. "I never meant to hurt anybody directly or indirectly with my conduct off the field and I am truly sorry."


So now it's time for the Ohio State football program to move on. Pryor is gone along with Tressel. Sure sanctions are on the way but that will still take a while to get sorted. Until then you got the 2011 season on the horizon. It's time to put your trust back into the program. You've been burned. It hurts. But now you got a new face. A new team. And a new shirt from SportsCrack.com.

In Braxton We Trust .....

Michael Floyd Won't Miss Any Games


Image via UHND.com

According to Brian Hamilton of the Chicago Tribune it has become increasingly clear that All-American wide receiver Michael Floyd won't miss any games in 2011. Can I get a HOORAH ND Nation?

It's increasingly clearer now that Floyd won't miss a game for the Irish this fall.

Not with Irish coach Brian Kelly saying Tuesday he is "very optimistic" about Floyd fulfilling all the requirements that will ensure his return to the field in September. And that means it's more likely than not that the standout receiver suits up for the opener against South Florida.

"He makes one mistake, in terms of how he handles himself, he doesn't play here ever," Kelly said, before a "Football 101" event on the practice fields that benefitted breast cancer awareness and prevention.

"There is no suspension, there is no sit for one game. He's got to live his life the right way. If he does that -- and all the signs point toward he's moving in that direction -- then I expect him to play every game. That's why I've been optimistic."

And Kelly didn't waver when asked for clarification Tuesday: There will be no one- or two-game suspensions stemming from the March arrest. Floyd plays every game, or he plays none.


It can't be understated enough. Losing Floyd for any games would have been crippling for the Fighting Irish. I don't want to say he carries the offense but at times he is the one piece that can keep it moving especially on 3rd downs. Everyone knows Floyd F-ed up when he got caught behind the wheel with too much alcohol in his system. But suspending him wouldn't have accomplished much if anything. Floyd is fulfilling his duties to society for the law he broke. Now it's time to move on. And win football games.

Isn't that right Michael?

I Introduce You To Golf Boys, The First PGA Boy Band



PGA golfers Bubba Watson, Ben Crane, Rickie Fowler, and Hunter Mahan have joined forces to create the first PGA Tour Boy Band called "Golf Boys." You better watch out News Kids. These aren't some weekend hackers. Bubba needs to keep the no shirt with overalls look for this week's US Open at Congressional. It's pure class if you ask me.

Be Like Dirk...Drink Dirkenbrau



Monday, June 13, 2011

News Anchor Insists More Teenagers are Having F*ck



The absolute fright on her face is outstanding. As soon as she blurts out the F word you can just see the horror in her eyes. She realizes her whole career has just gone down the shitter with one little slip up. It's that all too familiar look we have seen from Lebron in the 4th quarter.

Hey Lebron! How's My Dirk Taste? Shirt Is Now Available



If you haven't noticed the newest shirt of ours that has gone viral is the "HEY LEBRON! HOW'S MY DIRK TASTE!" Dallas Maverick's DeShawn Stevenson wore his last night in South Beach while partying with his teammates. Get your shirt today at this link for only $17.


HT to the Big Lead

Hey Lebron, Mark Cuban has something you may want!



How can you not root for a guy like Mark Cuban? I know he's a billionaire and a lot of people are jealous of his wealth but the guy is a winner and he is the main reason why the Mavericks have gone from laughingstock to perennial winner and now NBA Champs. You honestly think Dirk Nowitzki would want anything to do with Dallas if Cuban wasn't there? Get real. Congratulations to Cuban and the Mavericks on their first ever NBA Title. You guys deserved it and I was wrong to underestimate you as a team. Now get that trophy a T and T pronto.

Talking Dog



Dogs are fucking awesome! This is just further proof that man's best friend are smarter than any cat. Plus will you ever find a cat say "I love you?"



I didn't think so. Cats you better step up your game. It's a doggy dog world.

The German Women's Soccer Team is in Playboy



We are just a couple of weeks away from the Women's World Cup kicking off (I guess that is the right term) in Germany and already the natives are beating our American asses in the all important T & A category. The German national team posed for some candid shots for the German edition of Playboy and hopefully started a war with the other teams. As an American we need to strike back. You hearing me Lindsay Tarpley? Don't make me come over there Amy Rodriguez! It is your patriotic duty to go above and beyond what the German soccer team did. We will not finish 2nd to anybody especially in Playboy spreads. You are proud to be an American right? Well then drop those soccer shorts and prove it. USA! USA!! USA!!!





Via BigLead via DailyMail

Macy's and The Miami Herald think the Heat won the NBA Title



If you live down in Miami you probably opened up your newspaper this morning to see Macy's is selling Miami Heat NBA Champions shirts. Weird. I could have sworn the Dallas Mavericks won last night. Let me check. Yep. Right there. The Mavericks and Dirk Nowitzki won their first ever NBA Title. Fucking Macy's is just rubbing it in the Heat's faces. Even they don't like Lebron.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Notre Dame reveals throwback uniforms vs. Michigan



And I am rock hard. Holy shit these uniforms are sweet! I know some of the old traditionalists are going to be pissed off about the helmet but I love the shamrock on them. Notre Dame is going to be jacked up when they come out versus Michigan wearing these jerseys.

F*CK F*CK F*CKITY F*CK...MARTIN PRADO ON DL WITH STAPH INFECTION


If you've managed to catch any Atlanta Braves baseball this year you know the Braves are basically fucked offensively without two guys: catcher Brian McCann and left fielder Martin Prado. Well guess what happened today? Yep. Prado is on the disabled list with a staph infection. And it's not some made-up Jason Heyward injury according to Dave O'Brien.

The left fielder was cleared to play Tuesday night, but then Prado got hit in the left knee by a throw as he stole second base in the ninth inning.

Prado missed the past two games with what the Braves termed a contusion of the left knee, which was swollen when he woke Wednesday. Prado said Thursday that he expected to return to the lineup Saturday or Sunday.

Neither the team nor Prado had said anything about the problem with his infected right calf. Braves manager Fredi Gonzalez said Prado reported that his calf felt much better Thursday, but a Miami doctor examined him later Thursday and was concerned that the infection had worsened.

He recommended Prado have it taken care of, and Prado returned to Atlanta while the Braves traveled to Houston late Thursday after finishing a three-game series with the Marlins.


The Braves offense is garbage right now with Dan Uggla shitting the bed, Jason Heyward down with a torn labia, and guys like Matt Young and Joe Mather getting regular playing time when they should be sitting on the bench. Thankfully for the love of God the Braves have the best pitching staff in all of baseball (Sorry Phillies) and can manage to sweep teams like the Marlins in 3 games while only scoring 7 runs total.

I guess the bright spot is this shit is happening now and not going into the playoffs. The Braves can't win consistently without Prado in the lineup. He's the glue that holds everything together. Hopefully Prado gets his leg right quickly and Frank Wren gets off his ass and starts making some phone calls for some bats.

Dr. Pepper With The Ad Fail...Or Is It?



Those Dr. Pepper marketing folks are smart motherfuckers. Do you honestly think they had no idea that "DP" stands for double penetration? Come on. Stop being so naive scarecrow. This is brilliant. This shit will go viral and before you know it celebrities like Kim Kardashian and Justin Bieber will start talking about how much they love DP. Whoever came up with this shirt doesn't deserve to be fired. They deserve the VP job.

Via AdLand

Vancouver Canucks Girl Wearing Body Paint



Gotta love those Canadian broads. Free health care and body paint is what it's all about. Game 5 returns to Vancouver. I expect to see more of this.

Via SportsFeeder

Thursday, June 09, 2011

Tim Tebow Must Work Out With Brady Quinn



Twackle.com has this picture of Tim Tebow hitting up the practice range at the FedEx St. Jude Classic. Dude looks like he is on the Jesus juice. I guess the lesson here kids is if you never use your thang then you too can get jacked up like Tebow. I can't even imagine how backed up Tebow is right now. I mean can you imagine the first time he actually decides to have intercourse? The poor girl or guy will have no chance.



Yeah good luck trying to get that visual out of your head.

Tosh.0 Does Knife or Banana On Kate Upton's Boob



I just wanted a reason to post something, anything, about Kate Upton. I don't even find it remotely funny. But hey...it's got Kate Upton's boobs in it. Winner.

via Jason McIntyre

Gilbert Arenas Tweeted His Blind Date, Hilarity Ensued


Last night I was informed by Jimmy Traina that Orlando Magic guard Gilbert Arenas, aka "Agent Zero," was tweeting updates on a blind date live on his Twitter account (@agentzeroshow). Arenas being the showman he is offered some highly entertaining and funny tweets about his date. Luckily there were no guns involved. But he did post a picture of what the poor girl was wearing. Needless to say I have a new favorite NBA player. Start reading from the bottom.


agentzeroshow Gilbert Arenas
Oh well gdnt then
12 hours ago Favorite Retweet Reply

agentzeroshow Gilbert Arenas
Sorry fellas she don't give it up on the first date....all that means is tomorrow..but by then I hope to be on another date...
12 hours ago

agentzeroshow Gilbert Arenas
Its okay fellas she still wants action...ladies like rude boys..or the blk card I hav in my pocket..either way bam bam we got ACTION
12 hours ago

agentzeroshow Gilbert Arenas
She called me a jack ass.. I said "she looks so cute with her little ugly self" who's NEXT
13 hours ago

agentzeroshow Gilbert Arenas
She just said this was the worst date every.but I was thinkin the same thing.who wears a shirt they got from 5th ave in new york. on a date
13 hours ago

agentzeroshow Gilbert Arenas
If I would hav known i would mess this up I would have taken her to get a "rudy tutti fresh and fruiti meal"from ihop..grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
14 hours ago

agentzeroshow Gilbert Arenas
I don't think imma get the goods tonight...I messed my chances up..she looked mad..over there lookin like a thunder cat...
14 hours ago

agentzeroshow Gilbert Arenas
This dragon can eat....I'm glad were at a all u can eat... She went to the rest rm..I think I'm busted you guys. Her friend texted her.
14 hours ago

agentzeroshow Gilbert Arenas
Look at this hot mess...she all most caught me takin the pic.. http://lockerz.com/s/108945230
14 hours ago


agentzeroshow Gilbert Arenas
She just had the nerve to ask me if I like her shirt..."ummmmmm yea on my floor near the fire place"imma call PETA to come get you
14 hours ago

agentzeroshow Gilbert Arenas
Ill let u guys know what happen after this date. Should be funny!!!
14 hours ago

agentzeroshow Gilbert Arenas
And they want me to go in public with her..I thought she had a bunch of stretch marks but it was just her shirt..lookn like SIMBA
14 hours ago

agentzeroshow Gilbert Arenas
Got hooked up on a blind date..and I guess she was blind when she picked out this outfit ..OMG I thought she was the queen of ZAMUNDA
14 hours ago



I guess the Black AMEX didn't seal the deal. It's too bad because I just got one of those fake ones and was looking to test it out this weekend while the wife is at home taking care of the baby.

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

Terrelle Pryor Rides Off Into The Sunset



So what if Terrelle Pryor got paid up to $40,000 for his signature on memorabilia. So what if Terrelle Pryor got free cars and free meals and free women. So what if Pryor got Tressel fired. And so what if Pryor got the Buckeyes in a shitload of trouble with heavy sanctions a mere formality.

Pryor don't care. Pryor is rich! Bitch! He's going to get paid out of the ass from dirty Buckeye boosters to keep his mouth shut about what really went on in Columbus. But fuck all that! The party is at Pryors house* tonight!

*=paid for by the Young Republicans of Buckeyes

2011 Top 10 Must-See College Football Games

Got your beer on ice? Brats ready for grilling? Tailgate locked and loaded for Saturdays in the Fall? Well if you are like me you can't wait for college football to kick off. Here are the SportsCrack.com's Must-See College Football Games for 2011:

1. Oregon vs LSU (Cowboys Stadium) September 3rd

In a huge matchup for two top 10 teams ready to kickoff the season in "Jerry Land" this will be a true litmus test for the rest of their seasons. Whoever wins this PAC-12 vs SEC game clash could be headed to the BCS Title game. Whoever loses will face an uphill battle to get back into BCS consideration. With two fanbases who are known to be extremely loud this game should be electric.

2. Boise State vs Georgia (Georgia Dome) September 3rd

The last time Boise came down to Georgia it didn't end too well for the Smurfs. They were blown out by the Dawgs in Athens back when Jared Zabransky and Dan Hawkins were hot commodities. This time it will be in Atlanta at the Georgia Dome with Boise expected to be the favorite despite playing the David in the David vs Goliath role. Kellen Moore will be looking to make a favorable Heisman impression on the voters on National TV while Georgia and coach Mark Richt will be looking to rebound from a disastrous 2010 losing season.

3. Oklahoma at FSU September 17th

Last year FSU went to Norman and got their collectives asses kicked. This year the game with two top 10 teams will be in Semen-hole country in Tallahassee. The Sooners will be #1 in the country behind a potent offense led by QB Landry Jones. FSU will be looking for payback while also trying to get back to a BCS Bowl game under 2nd year head coach Jimbo Fisher. This game will say a lot whether FSU is really back or just overhyped preseason.

4. LSU at West Virginia September 24th

The Bayou Bengals have one of the toughest schedules in the nation and a night game in Morgantown could be their achilles when all is said and done. WVU should be the favorite to win the Big East and if they can beat LSU they have a legit shot at reaching a BCS Title game. The X factor should be West Virginia QB Geno Smith. If he plays big then watch out for the Mountaineers.

5. Ohio State at Nebraska October 8th

This should be the start of a huge rivalry between two tremendous programs and fanbases. Nebraska and Bo Pelini will be looking to make a Big Ten title run with a home victory over the reigning Big Ten Champs in Ohio State. The Buckeyes could make a statement and tell the world they aren't ready to roll over and hide after sanctions come down because of Jim Tressel and Terrelle Pryor. Or they could wilt in Lincoln under a tremendous Husker team who should be able to run the ball.

6. Texas A&M at Oklahoma November 5th

The Aggies haven't won an outright Big 12 title since 1998. If they can beat the Sooners in Norman behind a great rushing attack led by Cyrus Gray they could change their fortunes. Oklahoma will be looking for revenge after getting blown out by the Aggies on the road last season. Offensively this should be a wide open game with tons of points being put on the scoreboard. I think it's safe to say whoever wins this game has the inside track for the Big 12 Championship game.

7. LSU at Alabama November 5th

If you like hard hitting football then this will be the game to watch. More than likely it won't be the prettiest game unless you love defensive battles. The SEC West is by far the toughest division in college football and both the Tigers and Crimson Tide will be looking for a win to possible secure a SEC Championship berth in Atlanta.

8. Oregon at Stanford November 12th

This game is for the PAC-12 Championship. Last season Oregon ran rough shot over the Cardinal in the second half on way to a BCS Title game berth. This season Stanford and Andrew Luck will be looking to win their first conference title in over a decade while also securing a Heisman in his trophy case. In what should be a very entertaining game look for LaMichael James to make a statement when it comes to West Coast supremacy.

9. Notre Dame at Stanford November 26th

This end of the season clash between two rising programs could determine a BCS Bowl berth. Luck will be going against a much improved Fighting Irish defense and will have to avoid LB Manti Te'o. Notre Dame will be looking to snap a 2-game losing streak against Stanford and get back to a BCS Bowl game for the first time in 5 years. This game should come down to the final whistle.

10. Alabama at Auburn (Iron Bowl) November 26th

Do we really need to talk about this game to let you know how must-see this is? You have fans poisoning trees. You have the last two National Champions on the field. It's the fucking Iron Bowl. It's bigger than Charlie Weis waistband. And while both these teams might already be out of the National Championship picture it still doesn't make this game any less intriguing.

The Wonderful World of Tressel presents Vestocchio



The M Zone has this hilarious spoof of Jim Tressel as played by Vestocchio. The dig at the SEC in the end wasn't completely necessary but I get the point. Little Sisters of the Poor.


Buy the classic "Vest In Peace" shirt now by clicking on the link below:

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

The Hit Heard Around Canada...Aaron Rome KO's Nathan Horton



Boston fans are freaking out, spitting up their clam chowder and Sam Adams about this hit from game 3 of last night's Stanley Cup Final. At first glance it looked bad. On second glance it looked even worse. On third glance holy fuck he got crushed for no good reason! Vancouver's Aaron Rome has been suspended for the remaining four games in the series because of the hit and chances are the Bruins have seen the last of Nathan Horton. The hit might have flipped the series too. The Canucks came in with a 2-0 series lead. After the hit the Bruins went on to smoke the Canucks 8-1. Game 4 is in Boston. Expect even more emotion and passion. And beady little eyes. And hockey sticks. Eh!

Thanks To Shakira's Pole Dancing I Will Never Get This Song Out Of My Head



I don't have a fucking clue what she is saying but does it really matter? Shakira just jumped to the top of my charts with this "Rabiosa" video. The gyration of her hips could be classified as the 9th wonder of the world. Fucking A Shakira! Still bringing her A game for sure. I couldn't even imagine what it would be like with Shakira. I'll let Akon explain it...

#1 Pick Bryce Harper Blows Kiss To Pitcher After Hitting a Home Run



Big League Stew posted this video last night of Bryce Harper, the MLB 2010 1st pick phenom, hitting a massive home run for Class A Hagerstown and then doing a slow Barry Bonds-like trot before blowing a kiss to the opposing pitcher. I've heard constant rumors about teammates not favoring Bryce and I figured some of that could be out of jealousy and some of it could be because the kid is a dick. After watching this video I'm going to go with dick. Yeah. The next pitch Harper needs to see is right at his throat.

Actually I can't wait for this kid to make it to the majors. The game needs a good villain and Harper seems immature enough to take over the reigns. Plus he plays for the Nationals so it will be fun to see him come into the ATL and try to pull that shit at The Ted.

HT to Andrew from the band Dielectric Sound

Khloe Kardashian Forces Black Out, Nipple Slip on Fox & Friends



You remember that first time you got so shit face the whole room started spinning and you just wanted it to stop? Well let's go back in time and see how it felt all over again. Just look at that thing, somehow related to Kim, flashing her nipple on national television. I'm pretty positive Khloe has no relation to Kim. She was adopted. Has to be. She's proof that Arnold and that Mexican cleaning lady tried to throw away the first of the litter in the dumpster.

Image via Egotastic

Reggie Bush Refuses To Give Up The Heisman


Yesterday we found out that USC has been forced to vacate and hand over their 2004 BCS Title because of the sanctions ruled against them in large part due to Reggie Bush breaking the rules. Well today it appears that the Heisman Trophy that Bush won back in 2005 and was suppose to be forfeited back to the Heisman Trophy Trust nine months ago still hasn't made it to them according to Paul Pabst over at the Dan Patrick Show.

We reported in December that the Heisman Trust had yet to receive Bush’s trophy. According to a source at the Heisman Trust, as of Monday Reggie Bush has still not returned his Heisman Trophy, just short of nine months after the decision came down that he had to give up the honor.

After the Heisman Trophy Trust met in early September 2010, the Trust worked with Bush on an mutual decision to return the Heisman Trophy. On Sept. 14, Bush announced he would forfeit the trophy:

“One of the greatest honors of my life was winning the Heisman Trophy in 2005. For me, it was a dream come true.But I know that the Heisman is not mine alone. Far from it. I know that my victory was made possible by the discipline and hard work of my teammates, the steady guidance of my coaches, the inspiration of the fans, and the unconditional love of my family and friends. And I know that any young man fortunate enough to win the Heisman enters into a family of sorts. Each individual carries the legacy of the award and each one is entrusted with its good name. It is for these reasons that I have made the difficult decision to forfeit my title as Heisman winner of 2005.”

One day later, the Heisman Trust issued a statement stating their appreciation for Bush’s cooperation and declared there would be no winner for ‘05.

We called Bush’s agent for comment about the status of the trophy, but received no response. We did find out where Bush’s trophy was last September, just before the Heisman Trust asked for it back.

According to a person in management at the San Diego Hall of Champions, the Heisman Trophy was displayed there until just after the Heisman Trust’s decision to strip Bush of the trophy. “Reggie Bush’s dad came in right after and took it. That’s the last we saw of it.”

The source at the Heisman Trophy Trust told us that there was no specific agreement with Reggie Bush to return the trophy, but that it was “alluded to in Reggie’s statement and the whole world reasonably expected him to return it.”

The Heisman Trust source added that they had been in touch with Bush’s agent “more than once” about the status of returning the trophy. Also, Bush would not even have to pay for shipping. The Heisman Trust would send him a case for the Heisman Trophy, with shipping paid for.


Honestly I can't blame Bush for not handing it over yet. I've held one. Took it to a party in fact on the Notre Dame campus. Johnny Lattner's 1953 Heisman Trophy which he so kindly loaned to me for a night opened doors to places I would have never seen without it. Next to the Stanley Cup it's the most recognizable trophy in all of sports. So I can see why Bush would not want to give it up. His Heisman got him Kim Kardashian. It worked with Carmen Ortega. The Heisman is like walking around with the Maserati of labrador puppies on campus trying to pick up chicks. The Heisman seals the deal. So without the Heisman Bush is basically nothing. Sure he has some money but his NFL career has been remarkably bland.

The point is Reggie Bush shouldn't give up his memorabilia. Look at what happened to O.J. Simpson when he tried to get his shit back. You don't want to end up like O.J. who is forced to give the Heisman to other inmates at the Lovelock Correctional Center....or do you? Run Reggie Run!

Arnold Schwarzenegger Satisfies



Video via ExtraMustard

Monday, June 06, 2011

Ndamukong Suh Will Eat His Own Pepperoni and Black Olives Face Thank You Very Much



You have seen Ndamukong Suh eat up Colt McCoy while in college and if you are a Detroit Lions fan (mercy on your souls) you saw Suh just dominate the shit out of the NFL during his rookie season. Now you can see Suh eat his own face thanks to Andy Gray over at SI. It's disturbing, gross and yet highly erotic if you enjoy pizza as much as I do.

P.S.-Can we get this fucking lockout over with already? If you are a billionaire owner and you are cutting office staff because of it then you sir are an asshole! The owners need to stop being greedy dicks. End of story.

Bill Stewart Has Been Snitchin' To The Media About Dana Holgorsen


Last week I told you about West Virginia's new offensive coordinator and head coach-in-waiting Dana Holgersen's drinking issues. This week we may have found out how the information about Holgersen's party lifestyle has been getting out to the press. West Virginia's own head coach Bill Stewart. Ruh fucking roh!

SB Nation's The Smoking Musket broke the story...

Jun 6, 2011 - Mock the trappings of Appalachia all you wish, college football fandom, but let it never be said that we mountain folk have lost the touch for high drama Shakespeare gave our forebears: Reports out of Morgantown are linking Bill Stewart (that's West Virginia head football coach Bill Stewart) to a newspaper reporter in Huntington, W. Va. who published an article alleging that Dana Holgorsen, Stewart's coach-in-waiting and offensive coordinator, has a lengthy history of alcohol-related run-ins, usually involving getting tossed out of casinos. That's Huntington, home of the Marshall Thundering Herd.

Some background on the personalities involved here: Holgorsen-as-dauphin was hilariously forced on Stewart by new AD Oliver Luck, who gave the Oklahoma State hotshot a year as OC to settle in and Stewart a year to shuffle out in a move that was already sure to make for an unbelievably awkward series of football Saturdays. The report that Holgorsen may have had as many as half a dozen previous unwanted encounters with gambling security and various local law enforcement types was as vigorously refuted by WVU as it was gleefully trumpeted by lesser Pittsburgh media outlets. Morgantown locals are abuzz with rumors of rampant, if understandable dissension amongst the reluctantly hybrid coaching staff, and just to make things interesting, our own West Virginia blog passes along some scuttlebutt that says Stewart may even be in the process of holding out on signing the new contract he agreed to with Luck. Just another pokey late spring in America's beautiful game.

Speaking of our West Virginia community, the Smoking Musket guys have been chasing this story since the very beginning, and they've got a wealth of details on this latest rich chapter in Mountaineer history over at their place. Pop some popcorn and head over for a cup of shine, won't you?


So Stewart is a snitch? What a fucking punk move if true. West Virginia University has reacted by putting Stewart's contract on hold while it investigates the leak according to the Charleston Daily. This is bound to create an unbearable friction amongst the coaching staff for a team I have projected to win the Big East with sleeper status as a BCS Title contender in 2011. I think we can assume Stewart has seen his last days of coaching pass him by. Stay tuned.

HT to MacG

Notre Dame gets 10 commitment in David Perkins


According to WSBT's David McCoy Notre Dame will pick up their 10 commitment in the class of 2012 with South Bend's own David Perkins choosing the Fighting Irish tomorrow morning.

A source close to Perkins tells WSBT that choice will be Notre Dame.

Perkins has scheduled an 11:20 a.m. news conference Tuesday to announce his decision. Washington coach Antwon Jones said Perkins' final five schools are Syracuse, Mississippi State, Iowa, Tennessee and Notre Dame.

At 6-foot-2, 210 pounds, Perkins is looked upon as a multi-position prospect. He plays both running back and linebacker for Washington.

Notre Dame came on late in the recruiting process, offering Perkins a scholarship on Thursday.


Perkins is listed as a 4 star recruit at outside linebacker (27th at his position) by Scout.com. He also has the versatility to play tailback and perhaps that is where Brian Kelly and the staff see his future. Notre Dame is extremely thin at the tailback position with starter Cierre Wood the only proven commodity who is also NFL Draft eligible after this season. In order for Notre Dame to be successful and I'm talking top 10 with BCS bowl wins they have to be able to run the ball effectively. Landing an elite tailback like a Keith Marshall or a Brian Kimbrow is paramount for this recruiting class.

Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis Crotch Grab MTV Movie Awards



You know in reality Justin Timberlake is banging her. He's the Derek Jeter of banging broads. He's literally gone through all of them. Janet Jackson? Yep. Britney Spears before she went mental? Yes sir. Cameron Diaz before she turned into Golum? Uh huh. Jessica Biel? His late night drunk call guarantee. There are a slew of other notches on his belt and the latest is Mila Kunis. She dumped Home Alone and is now running wild on guys like JT.

So the question is "do I envy Timberlake's life?" Of course. I'm not fucking gay.

Video via TheBigLead

Friday, June 03, 2011

The Guy F*cking Blake Lively Is Wearing A Certain Hat



You may have heard of the guy. His name is Leonardo Dicaprio. I think he was one of the Ninja Turtles. Anyways today he was spotted in a boat with Blake Lively (this time miraculously clothed...damn) in Italy and you want to know how he closed the deal with her? Yep. That fucking hat. You wear a ND hat and girls just drop their shit and jump your bones. I don't want to get into too many details but if you are a top notch high school football recruit (I'm talking to you Keith Marshall) you might want to start wearing the old Blue and Gold and just see what happens. Better yet just go ahead and enroll at Notre Dame. But only if you are a star recruit. We can't all be winners like Leonardo and myself.

Golf Clap For The SEC Doing The Right Thing With Signing Classes


All of the non-SEC fans want to talk about how some of the SEC schools like Bama and Ole Miss have unfair advantages with oversigning recruits. Today the SEC Conference did the right thing and voted to limit signing classes to 25 even though the coaches were against it. Sorry Nick Saban.

DESTIN, Fla. -- The Southeastern Conference has capped football signing classes at 25, a move coaches voted against and one that school presidents hope will be adopted across college football.

The powerful league, which will hand out an SEC-record $18.3 million in shared revenue to each of its 12 schools, had allowed up to 28 players to be signed annually.


They also voted to eliminating 7-on-7 camps on campuses and banned graduate students from transferring and being eligible to play immediately. In other words no more Jeremiah Masolis.

The question is how much will this hurt the SEC Conference in terms of football power? Probably not too much. Sure it will effect the Sabans of the conference. No longer can sign 30 plus guys and then put them on medical hardships or kick them out of school for a bull shit excuse. Saban will still find ways to get slaves...err...I mean more "student-athletes" in school despite the 25 max vote. How? How the fuck should I know, he's the Sabanator! Ask him.

Lebron James 4th Quarter Performance Reenacted By A Kid



Yep. Spot on. King James and the Miami Heat wilted, crumbled, and cried their way to losing a 15 point lead in the 4th quarter last night and let the Mavs tie up the series at 1 game all. It was the biggest choke job since the 1992 Finals when the Trail Blazers blew a 15 point 4th quarter lead to the Bulls. And just like this kid crying because he didn't get the right color bike we might soon see James tearing up if the Mavs pull the unthinkable and steal the NBA Title away. Viva la Dirk!

Video via Extra Mustard