SportsCrack 2012 Preseason All-American Team: Defense

Defense wins championships right? It's hard to argue with it last year when two of the best defenses in the nation in Alabama and LSU squared off for the BCS Championship. Of course we will conveniently ignore the year before when Auburn and Oregon both had average defenses yet competed for the crystal ball. Just the thought of all these guys playing on the same defense made Matt Barkley shit his pants.

DEFENSIVE END-Sam Montgomery (LSU)
LSU produces stellar defensive lineman like Nickelback produces complete shit. One after another. Montgomery is a returning 1st team All-American who was a finalist for the Defensive End of the Year Award. His 9 sacks last year were a team high. Expect double digits in 2012.

DEFENSIVE TACKLE-John Jenkins (Georgia)
At 6'3 351 pounds Jenkins is basically two men carved into one hell of a beast. Jenkins will plug the middle for a potentially great UGA defense this season. Don't be surprised if he has a Nick Fairley impact his senior season.

DEFENSIVE TACKLE-Star Lotulelei (Utah)
A potential #1 overall draft pick Star is the most complete Utah football player since...well...ever. The 6'4 320 defensive end is constantly double and even tripled team but still made a hell of an impact last year in the PAC-12 earning 1st team honors. Brings back memories of Ndamukong.

DEFENSIVE END-William Gholston (Michigan State)
It kills me to say this about a Sparty player but Gholston is probably the most underrated defensive player in the country. Gholston is still growing and at 6'7 275 pounds it's hard for any tackle to stop him in his tracks. Gholston has tremendous upside and I think he will put it all together this season after a spectacular bowl game vs Georgia (5 tackles for loss).

OUTSIDE LINEBACKER-Jarvis Jones (Georgia)
You know USC is crying in their dirty Trojans letting this stud linebacker transfer to the east coast. Jones was a finalist for the Butkus Award last year while earning 1st team All-American honors after recording a staggering 19.5 tackles for loss and 13.5 sacks. He should once again dominate between the hedges in 2012.

INSIDE LINEBACKER-Manti Te'o (Notre Dame)
Manti came to South Bend as the most highly regarded defensive player in the past 20 years and has yet to disappoint. Manti once again led the Irish in tackles while earning 1st team All-American honors. He shocked many including myself when he decided to come back for his senior season. Manti is already a legend at Notre Dame but 2012 will give him the chance to be considered the greatest linebacker in their storied history.

INSIDE LINEBACKER-Shayne Skov (Stanford)
When I think of inside linebackers I tend to think of guys who are always there making a play on defense. The Ray Lewis-type players. Skov is that type of guy. The fast and tenacious Skov is coming back from a serious knee injury he suffered early last season. He should once again be the leader in a very underrated Stanford D.

OUTSIDE LINEBACKER-Gerald Hodges (Penn State)
"Linebacker U" just continues to produce standouts and it doesn't change with Hodges. Unlike the past great Nittany Lions Hodges doesn't have to worry about dropping the soap in the showers anymore. Also he doesn't have to worry about JoePa eating his brains. Or does he? In all seriousness Hodges is a great player and should be fun to watch his senior season in Happy Valley.

CORNERBACK-David Amerson (NC State)
The returning 1st team All-American led the nation in INTS with 13 last season. He was the winner of the Jack Tatum Award for nation's best defensive back and probably should have won the Thorpe Award over Mo Claiborne. At 6'3 194 he's a little bigger than most corners but he doesn't lack in speed or recovery time.

FREE SAFETY-Eric Reid (LSU)
One of the hardest hitting safeties in the nation who also is the team leader down in Baton Rouge. Reid earned All-American honors during a stellar sophomore season last year and should once again be a player offenses gameplan around. This kid has the brains and the brawn to be one of the best safeties in the college game since Ed Reed.

STRONG SAFETY-Ray Ray Armstrong (Miami)
For one reason or another Armstrong has been able to put it all together and stay on the field down in Coral Gables. That changes this year. Physically gifted with closing speed and instincts Ray Ray should have a great senior season.

CORNERBACK-Xavier Rhodes (FSU)
Rhodes will be the first to tell you he didn't have the best 2011 season due to some leg injuries. It's one of the main reasons why he chose to come back and not enter the NFL draft. The nagging pain should be gone and I fully expect Rhodes to be back to his stellar self.


SPECIAL TEAMS

PUNTER-Brady Wing (LSU)
KICKER-Caleb Sturgis (Florida)
KICK RETURNER-De'Anthony Thomas (Oregon)
The Black Mamba don't fuck around. He takes it to the house.

PUNT RETURNER-Tyrann Mathieu (LSU)
The Honey Badger don't give a shit. He takes what he wants.

Mike Trout Makes An Amazing Catch in Baltimore

Even though 20-year old Angels outfielder Mike Trout wasn't recalled from the minors until April 28th he still leads the American League with a .344 batting average and 21 stolen bases. Everybody is talking about Bryce Harper and for good reason but why is the national media "clown"ing Trout and not giving him the props he deserves?

Last year Trout was the #1 rated prospect in baseball. He also was a first round draft pick but unlike Harper he went late in the first. There are at least 20 teams kicking themselves in the ass for passing up the high flying Trout.

Trout is another old school player much like Harper. He hustles. All the time. He's also fearless when it comes to defense. And by judging from last night's amazing rob of a JJ Hardy home run Trout's stock will continue to swim upstream with the leather.

So if you had just one player to start a MLB franchise with who are you taking: Trout or Harper?

Typical New York Yankees Cheating At Baseball

Let me guess. Rudy Giuliani gave DeWayne Wise the key to the city for another classic cheating moment. The Yankees always reward behavior like this. Right after this play one of the Steinbrenners kids gave umpire John Hannahan a lifetime suite for botching such an easy call. Hey dipshit why don't you actually look in Wise glove to see if... get this...the actual ball is in there? I know it's totally ridiculous to question a guy in the pinstripes in New York but you might want to do your job correctly.

SportsCrack 2012 Preseason All-American Team: Offense

Every single offseason we do a preseason college football All-American team and every year it continues to gets bigger. In fact I think more football players would rather make the SportsCrack list than the Playboy list. The SportsCrack list doesn't guarantee you a visit to the Playboy mansion but it does insure you will be a star for years to come. Plus you can't get VD from our selection. As least not from me.


QB-Matt Barkley (USC)
Barkley surprised everybody including myself when he decided to come back for his senior season. A projected top 10 pick, Barkley will be looking to do what Andrew Luck couldn't do last season: win a Heisman and/or National Championship.


RB-Marcus Lattimore (South Carolina)
Lattimore was the best running back in the SEC the past two seasons in my opinion before suffering a serious knee injury. If Lattimore played for Bama he would already have a statue next to Saban. Instead he plays in Columbia where he should be happy to make a bowl game.


RB-Montee Ball (Wisconsin)
"Money Ball" as they call him in Madison returns for his senior season after rushing for nearly 2000 yards and an astonishing 39 touchdowns combined. You know Wisconsin is going to run their horse again this season.


WR-Sammy Watkins (Clemson)
Watkins was clearly the best freshman in the nation last year. He is the most explosive player in the ACC since CJ Spiller was toting the rock for the orange and purple a few years back. Watkins will put up better numbers this year. His drive and determination will make him the best wideout in the nation.


WR-Robert Woods (USC)
Nearly 1300 yards and 15 touchdowns for the returning Biletnikoff Finalist. He will have the best QB in the nation throwing him balls with a #2 receiver in Marqise Lee who would be a #1 at 99% of the other schools not named the Trojans. Woods will be electric again this season.


TE-Tyler Eifert (Notre Dame)
Eifert should have won the Mackey Award last season for best tight end in the country. He will get his chance during his senior season to lay his big mitts on it playing in an offense that will feature him again splitting out to wideout. At 6'6 expect this gazelle to put up video game numbers especially with Everett Golson throwing to him.

CENTER-Barrett Jones (Alabama)
Jones was an All-American tackle last year for the National Champs and also played guard for the 2009 Champs. This year he will play center and again will dominate the SEC. Besides QB Jones is the most valuable player on the Tide roster.

OFFENSIVE GUARD-Omoregie Uzzi (Georgia Tech)
Uzzi helps open up holes on the inside for Paul Johnson's triple option down in the Flats. And by opening up holes I mean he trucks over lineman and lays on top of them. Yeah Uzzi loves pancakes.

OFFENSIVE GUARD-Jonathan Cooper (North Carolina)
The 6'3 325 pound senior has good feet and even quicker hands. You gotta have those quick hands when you are taking classes that don't really exist right?

OFFENSIVE TACKLE-DJ Fluker (Alabama)
Alabama's offensive line is pretty disgusting with the best center in Jones and now the best left tackle in Fluker. They also got one of the best guards in Chance Warmack. There is a good reason why Bama wins so many games in the trenches. Fluker is one of them.

OFFENSIVE TACKLE-Chris Faulk (LSU)
While Fluker is the best offensive tackle in college football right now I think Faulk could turn himself into the best one by midseason. The 6'6 325 pound tackle isn't even as heralded as his teammate in opposite end tackle Alex Hurst but Faulk will be a man among boys this season. By the end of the season he will have worked his way up to a top 5 pick.

Kate Upton Running on the Beach, Skateboarding, Hula Hooping, Shooting Hoops, Riding Rollercoasters, and Wet T-shirt Contest Video

I'm just going to do a slow, slow golf clap for this new GQ video featuring Kate Upton. When you are at the top of your game like Upton is you just have to sit back and admire it. Upton knows she is the Jordan of models. The Montana of winning t-shirt contests. She is the Tiger Woods of confidence that she can use her "talents" to get her whatever she wants. Bravo Kate Upton. Bravo.

I think Kate Upton could run for office. She clearly knows how to give people what they want. What is that you ask?





Via BigLeadSports

Finally College Football Will Have A Playoff

The best news to hit the college football landscape in some time is somehow being ignored by the mass media but I wanted to give my thoughts on it. Yesterday the BCS Commissioners and Notre Dame AD Jack Swarbrick (shows you how much money ND brings to the table) formally endorsed a four-team playoff seeded model designed to begin in the 2014 season. The four-team playoff would replace the much debated BCS System which has been in place since 1998.

Thank you college football corporate Gods!

Am I completely satisfied with the new proposal? No.

I would prefer to see at least 8 teams involved in the playoff. With over 120 teams I think 8 is fair. 4 seems to leave too much up to debate at the end of the year in my opinion. But it's a step in the right direction.

There will still be controversy because you will have teams who don't win their conference in the playoff (the playoff only considers the top 4 teams in the nation at the end of the season according to ranking system) but it also keeps the regular season to the utmost importance besides filling the pockets of all the old rich guys in charge of the bowls, conferences, and schools. The four teams would be selected by a committee which is suppose to consider criteria such as conference championship and strength of schedule but it's not exclusive to it.

Come to think of it the more I look at it the more pissed off I get but I shouldn't. I should just be happy that college football will finally have a playoff of some sort. But still the whole thing seems shady with the existing BCS bowls rotating games of importance and the all important National Championship game would go to the city with the highest bidder.

Basically whomever has the most money will dictate the playoff in some way. College football has always had a political feel to it so obviously that won't change. But instead of focusing on the student-athletes and the fans who all want a real playoff system in place that is not dictated by lining the pockets of the notoriously corrupt bowl system we are being given a plus one system.

But then again it's better than the shitty BCS right? Fuck. Me.

Bryce Harper Wears Our "That's A Clown Question, Bro!" T-shirt During Batting Practice

Thanks to Washington Nationals announcer F.P. Santangelo a first in SportsCrack.com history happened yesterday: an athlete wore one of our shirts during batting practice.

Bryce Harper coined the phrase "That's A Clown Question, Bro" just 7 days ago in Toronto when asked by a reporter what his beer of choice would be and yesterday he was spotted wearing our shirt during warmups.

Wednesday, Harper took the next step, wearing a T-shirt with "That's a clown question, bro" emblazoned across the front before the game against the Tampa Bay Rays, according to the Washington Post.

Thanks go out to the Washington Post's James Wagner and Dan Steinberg for giving us the heads up on Harper wearing our shirt during BP. We also want to thank Santangelo for personally delivering it to Bryce in the clubhouse who said he "loved the shirt" and now all of his teammates want one. Also HUGE thanks go out to our buddy and Natitude fanatic Adam McGinnis whom endured my pestering for a good Bryce shirt idea for weeks and delivered amazingly with the instant classic "That's A Clown Question, Bro" before it all went viral last week. Also thank you to Tommy Griffith's of Big 100.3 in DC who had us on air last week to talk about the shirt. Tommy is a good guy and you should definitely give him a listen if you like classic rock. And of course thank you to all the loyal customers and SportsCrack fanatics out there. You guys kick ass. Seriously.

Tomorrow I will be on ESPN 980 AM in DC with host Scott Jackson around 3:45 pm talking about the "That's A Clown Question Bro!" shirt. Give it a listen if you got the time in between not working like usual.

I'm still working on getting a solid picture of Bryce wearing the shirt. As soon as I receive it I will post it.

Bryce Harper's Walk Up Song is Justin Bieber's Boyfriend

That's a clown song, bro! Either Bryce Harper has a wicked sense of humor or he lost a bet and had to suffer through a Bieber ballad blasting in Nationals Park. I'm going to go with a lost bet. I think the veterans should mess with Harper and play The Doors "Alabama Song" with a clown dancing on the jumbotron. Video via DCSportsBlog

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid Used "That's A Clown Question, Bro!"

Via DCSportsBlog comes Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid using the infamous Bryce Harper quote "That's A Clown Question, Bro" less than seven days after it went viral. He's got our vote!

Kate Upton GQ Magazine Wet T-Shirt Video

I'm still waiting for the VH1 Special...Kate Upton...Behind the boobs. Anyways I've been massively busy lately with work that I haven't had time to come on here and bitch and moan about sports and for that I apologize. When I get the chance at some free time I promise I'll update it. In the meantime all you lazy fuckers go find a job so I don't have to keep paying your welfare and unemployment checks.

Love you.

Oh yeah does that skinny fucker Terry Richardson have the best job or what? He's uglier than myself which is hard to imagine yet he nails all these models and famous actresses all the time. It's so disgusting that it's actually kind of awesome.

What do you think about these GQ photos of Kate Upton Billy Bob?

Happy Father's Day

It's the Dad's Life!

That's A Clown Question Bro Remix

The Dream Team Documentary Was Worth Watching

11 Hall of Famers on one team. And then Christian Laettner. You tend to forget how great of a team "The Dream Team" was because they made it look so easy and simple when they won the 1992 Gold Medal. It's almost hard to believe it's been 20 years. Charles Barkley was skinny and still running his mouth with memorable quotes. Magic had just broken the news he had HIV. Jordan was unstoppable. Chris Mullin had his patented flat top. John Stockton had his short shorts. If you get the chance watch the whole documentary.

I love the fact that everybody hated Isiah Thomas. Nobody wanted him on the team. I could never stand Thomas when he played. He seemed like the biggest pussy out there. A bad sport through and through. Jordan and Scottie Pippen put their foot down and Thomas wasn't allowed on the team. It's the way it should have been and it made The Dream Team even more likable because Thomas was a nightmare when it comes to representing the U..S...of A.

THAT'S A CLOWN QUESTION, BRO! T-SHIRT NOW AVAILABLE

Bryce Harper said it last night. Now it's a t-shirt. Buy your shirt today! THAT'S A CLOWN QUESTION BRO! SHIRT

Mike Tyson Performs "Lebron James"

Iron Mike Tyson has the voice of an angel.

Via HotClicks

Bryce Harper Says "That's A Clown Question Bro!" To Canadian Reporter

Rookie of the year lock Bryce Harper was asked point blank in Toronto last night by a clueless reporter what his favorite beer was and Harper fired back a classic line: "THAT'S A CLOWN QUESTION BRO!"

Now that is some serious "Natitude" from the 19-year old Mormon who isn't allowed to drink. And you know what...I like it. Seriously baseball needs more guys like this. Harper hustles all the time and doesn't take shit from anybody. He's a pain in the ass for the opposition and he's the kind of player every manager or GM would want on their team. People wonder what kind of crazy numbers Josh Hamilton would have put up if he didn't chase the dragon coming out of high school and all you have to do is look at what Harper is doing right now. He's killing major league pitching at an age where he should be struggling with Double A pitching.

Harper's .944 OPS dwarfs Ken Griffey Jr's .748 when he was 19 and taking over the majors. Same with Hall of Famers Mickey Mantles (.792) and Al Kaline (.652) who both enjoyed similar success in the majors at 19. The only player I could find who put up the incredible stat lines of what Harper is projected at right now is Mel Ott (.921). Back in 1928 Ott was in his 3rd season in the bigs at the time and still the future all-time great didn't put up as good of numbers as Bryce is now.

So now a serious question: Is Bryce Harper MVP worthy? His .944 OPS has him behind current favorites Joey Votto (1.121), David Wright (1.03), Carlos Gonzalez (1.001), and Carlos Beltran (.964) but would Harper's impact on getting the Nationals to the playoffs trump all of those guys? Hard to say. Voters tend to reward veterans who get their respective team to the playoffs so you would have to think Votto and Beltran both have to be the favorites over Harper at this stage. But make no mistake if Harper continues to hustle and bash his Nationals into the playoffs for the first time a lot of voters would have to look at the 19-year-old as a serious candidate.

It would be a total clown move not to consider it.

You Knew It Was True Love When Kanye West Twitted This Kim Kardashian Picture

The former Mrs. Kris Humphries looks like she has a healthy appetite for bananas. They do provide a lot of potassium which is essential for a healthy and balanced diet. It's good to see that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West can be such great ambassadors for healthy living.

Justin Tuck's New Facemask

Justin Tuck's newest facemask looks like something Tom Hardy's character Bane will wear in the new Batman movie. I'm presuming there is some logical reason behind the extra bars other than trying to look menacing. Is to keep offensive tackles hands and/or fingers from grabbing his helmet by the mask? Or is Tuck trying to lure Bruce Wayne out of his batcave?

LA Kings Captain Dustin Brown Said A Naughty Word After Winning the Stanley Cup

In the immortal words of LA Kings captain Dustin Brown: "IT'S WHY WE FUCKING PLAY!" Yep. To drink out of Lord Stanley's Cup you can pretty much say whatever you want. Congratulations go out to the Kings who won their first Stanley Cup in their 44 year history. It must feel good to be champs. Hell it must feel good to still have a team.

Via AwfulAnnouncing

Erin Andrews Looks Like She Got Some Work Done

Bravo Erin Andrews. You go from Atlanta Thrashers intermission reporter to ESPN sideline princess to leaked nude hotel pictures to Dancing with the Stars and now you've upgraded the girls. Hey I'm not complaining. If someone ones to make themselves look better than so be it. But I don't want hear a denial when some reporter asks if she has gotten work done. Just be honest. It's all for the publicity right? I got your back Erin.

The Bell Dozer Shirt

The newest SportsCrack.com t-shirt is called "The BellDozer." With college football season just around the corner this is a must have. Order your shirt today!

Rafael Nadal Wins Record 7th French Open, Disturbingly Hugs Pau Gasol

I don't think I've ever seen a more disturbing picture than this one of Lakers center and fellow countryman Paul Gasol "embracing" Rafa Nadal after winning his 7th French Open Title this morning. With the zombies in Miami and Maryland and the guy chopping up dudes and sending them in the mail up in Canada I think it's only a matter of time before a report comes out on Gasol here. Look at that fucking look on his face. Hannibal Lecter is ripe with jealousy.

"Come here my precious...you did good...now I must eat your brains!"

Yeah this picture is going to haunt kid's dreams for years to come. Tennis already was a dying sport. I can't imagine the effect this will have on it.

Image via Andy Gray

Celtics Fan Throws Beer At Lebron James

Lebron James exploded for 45 points, 15 rebounds, and 5 assists in Game 6 last night and pretty much put the Heat on his back in an elimination game. Lebron hit 19 of 26 from the field and finally played fearless when in the past he has been passive in big game situations. As expected the Boston Celtics crowd took it with class and in their usual chowder head mentality decided to give Lebron a beer as he left the court. Unfortunately the person didn't hand him the beer and instead decided to toss it to him. Cool move bro.

I was rooting for the Celtics till that dick move. Now I hope the Heat destroy them in South Beach.

The Tri-City Herald Paper Salutes The Sonics

Congratulations go out to the Seattle Sonics Oklahoma City Thunder on their impressive comeback last night vs the Spurs and finishing off Coach Pop's timeless warriors for the Western Conference Championship. The Tri-City Herald (Kennewick, WA) put out this knife to the gut sports section today. Bravo I say. Why not put a little humor in a bad situation? It's why I always laugh and point at the dead people at funerals.

Maria Menounos Is A Little Pumped Up For Game 6 Tonight

Jesus Maria. Calm the fuck down. It's just a basketball game. It's not like it's some important competition followed worldwide like Dancing With The Stars. Nobody outside of Boston gives a shit about the Celtics. Now get back to doing what you do best. Which is...shit...I don't know...just put on a bikini and smile will ya?

Via BarstoolSports

Kate Upton Bikini Stare Contest

Don't worry about the contest. We all won.

HT Dave

Notre Dame Picks Up Elite Defensive Players Isaac Rochell and Jaylon Smith

Less than 5 days after Notre Dame and coach Brian Kelly secured their biggest commitment with the #1 outside linebacker in the nation (#4 overall) in Jaylon Smith today 4 star defensive end Isaac Rochell from Georgia made his commitment to the Irish public also.

Both players are elite defensive standouts who were being recruited nationally with among some of the best SEC schools craving their commitments. Kelly and his staff are slowly building a defense that can compete with some of the SEC schools by getting players like Rochell out of the South.

Here are some highlights of Smith. Smith is the biggest recruit of the Kelly era (transfer Aaron Lynch and current QB Gunner Kiel a close second) and should compete right away as a freshman in 2013 for the dog or the mike linebacker positions in South Bend especially with the departure of senior captain Manti Te'o. Smith's athleticism is off the charts with sub 4.5 speed and a build that is ready to compete in the college game.


Rochell is the second elite defensive end from Georgia to come to Notre Dame in the past 3 seasons joining current freshman starter Stephon Tuitt. Tuitt was a 5 star defensive end and Rochell isn't quite up to his billing but he did turn down LSU, FSU and Florida among others when he picked Notre Dame today. A top 100 player in the nation and the #8 defensive end Rochell should compete for the 2 deep in 2013.

Julio Jones Cuts The Dreads

I'm not going to miss the Whoopi Goldberg/Predator-look Julio Jones had rocking since his college days at Bama. Julio looks more professional now. Kind of like Justin Blackmon behind a steering wheel at 3 am professional ya know?

Padres Logan Forsythe With The Play of the Day

San Diego Padres second baseman Logan Forsythe brought back memories of Robby Alomar with this sweet play to the hole. Smooth play kid.

Miami Dolphins Cheerleaders Lip Synching "Call Me Maybe"

Yeah I hate this song as much as the next guy but if you check out the cheerleaders and put the song on mute it's tolerable.

Via HotClicks

Good Job Good Effort!!!

Is that Dan Lebatard squealing "Good Job Good Effort!" to the downtrodden Miami Heat as they walk off a horrible Game 5 loss on their home court? I only saw the 4th quarter last night but if there was any doubt who the Heat are going to go to when the game is on the line it's most certainly not Lebron James. It's almost as if Lebron is scared to have the game in his hands when he should be taking the ball to the hoop every possession instead of deferring to Dwayne Wade. But I guess if he is a King he relies on others to take the fall for his faults.

Funny Miami Zombie Attack Prank

I love this kind of stuff. Just seeing people scared shitless. I'm not going to lie and say I would stand up to a fake zombie. My ass would be running faster than Usain Bolt. If you look closely at the 2:00 mark you can see some guy pull a gun. Bullets only make Miami zombies snarl.

Forget The Koreans, Meghan Hardin Is The Future Of Women's Golf

With a set of clubs like Meghan Hardin how can you not root for her? You can check out the LPGA's next "big" golfer at her website MeghanHardin.com











Via TheChive

Hey, Pass Me A Beer!

Hey, Pass Me A Beer! from Almost Twins

Throw in a doubleheader of Saturday baseball and right there is what my weekend consists of. Pure, unadulterated beer. All weekend long. See kids alcoholism can be fun as long as you don't go to jail.

EA Sports NCAA Football 13 Creators Have A Sick Sense Of Humor

Hahahaha.

Real fucking funny video game nerds.

Herschel Walker in an Auburn uniform.

Desmond asshat Howard in a Notre Dame uniform.

I consider myself to be a rationale, sensible fan with no big bouts of rage or violence when it comes to sports but all I saw was blood in my eyes when they showed Desmond sporting the Blue and Gold. Are you fucking kidding me?

Whoever decided to give this the go ahead must work for Curt Schilling because it's about the dumbest fucking idea I've ever heard of.

"Yeah haha wouldn't it be great to have Herschel playing on Auburn and Bo Jackson playing on Georgia?" I can pretty much guarantee no true college football fanatic would think it's either a great idea or even worth mentioning it without receiving a black eye.

Thank god almighty they didn't show Tim Brown wearing a Trojans uniform or I would have gone Columbine on the whole EA Sports "creative" team if you know what I mean. Sorry that is being a little harsh. I meant to say I would gouge out their nerdy little eyes and skull fuck the shit out of them. Ah. Much better. Moving on now. Let's just pretend this conversation never happened.

Matt Kemp aka The Bison Break Bats Over Knee, Back on Disabled List

You got to feel for the reigning NL MVP (not a misprint, he was the winner, not Braun) in just Matt Kemp's second game back from the disabled list he re-aggravated the same hamstring rounding the bases last night and went ballistic on a poor bat. I can't blame him. Lingering injuries like hamstrings are the worst. One time I got a paper cut and it took me a good 3-4 days before I could start typing like I wanted to before. And like Kemp I broke some lumber because of the frustration of having to type with my elbows. Granted the lumber was a thin #2 pencil but those things don't break as easily as one would think. It took me at least two karate chops and a couple of tears to break through the yellow ink that makes those damn pencils so hard to shatter. It's tough for athletes like myself and Kemp to sit on the sidelines for any period of time. Two peas in a pod you could say.

Support* us both while we recover with this great "The Bison" t-shirt available exclusively at SportsCrack.com...

* = beer money

Video via The Big Lead

USC Changes motto from Fight On to Porn On

As you know I make fun of USC for a lot of things because A)they're Notre Dame's biggest rival and B)OJ Simpson was a Trojan and C)they can't sell out home games and D)my sister is currently an undergrad there but this new story that just "exploded all over our faces" about the Coliseum being the setting for a porno

I can not. Because seriously who doesn't enjoy porn?

The Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, home of the USC Trojans, was the setting for a porno movie in 2001. The publicly-owned stadium was used to film “The Gangbang Girl #32.” Shooting took place on one night. Scenes were filmed in a locker room, the Trojans’ tunnel and on the field.

“I was just in awe that we were at the Coliseum,” said a star of the film, who goes by the name Mr. Marcus. “I’ve made movies for about 20 years and I’ve done a lot of things, but that one really stands out.… I mean, who gets to have sex on the Coliseum floor?”

It’s not clear how the company, Anabalic Video, gained access to the stadium and had the lights turned on, though the stadium’s former general manager left the post in 2011 when he was indicted for receiving kickbacks in an unrelated corruption case.

I consider myself a porn expert and I thought they finished up the whole "The Gangbang Girl" series at #30. I had no idea they went up to Marcus Allen territory with old #32 on the same field Marcus tore up the Bruins back in the day. To think that Mr. Marcus was plowing some poor broad at the 50 while the other Marcus Allen was penetrating the defense on the same surface is not disturbing. It's fucking awesome.

NFL Shop And/Or Nike Misspells Aaron Rodgers' Name In Ad

Not a good start for Nike with the exclusive contract to the NFL. You expect some half ass company like SportsCrack to have some grammar mistakes in it because the owner is a drunk with a big heart (big because it's over bloated with whiskey) but you don't expect a huge multinational corporation like Nike to fuck up the spelling of the NFL's biggest star. Aaron "Rodgers" threw for 45 touchdowns and only 6 interceptions last year after winning the Super Bowl the year before. Aaron "Rogers" is some black dude in a Nike ad who just cost a couple of guys at the very least their job.

Via HotClicks via RantSports

I WANT SOME NASTY San Antonio Shirt

If you watched Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals you heard Coach Pop scream at his Spurs team "I WANT SOME NASTY!" Well Coach we are now giving it to you in t-shirt form. The I WANT SOME NASTY t-shirt is now available in sizes small through 3XL. Get your shirt today!

Jim Leyland Gets His Wish: Hawk Harrelson Goes Ape Shit on Umpire

A couple of days ago Detroit Tigers manager Jim "Smoky" Leyland went off on the home umpire for missing a called third strike but not directly at the umpire. Instead he implied the media should start pointing out when the umpires fuck up. Basically Leyland wanted everyone to know the umpires suck balls this year without getting fined for it by suggesting the media do a better job of calling them out. Confusing? Yeah it kind of is but Leyland got his wish last night when White Sox announcer Ken "The Hawk" Harrelson went ape shit after Jose Quintana was ejected for throwing behind the Rays Ben Zobrist. Yes you can put it on the board Hawk. The umpire is as bad as your announcing chops.

Basketball Dicks

Basketball Dicks - watch more funny videos

It's a good thing girls don't talk like that in real life. Am I right girls? Hello? Yeah, that's what I thought. I have nothing to worry about.

Barehanded Baseball Catch of the Year

Hell of a catch kid! At first I thought you were Tebowing but then I realized you got the air knocked out of you so it's all good.

Very Emotional and Cool Scene Yesterday at Turner Field for Memorial Day

Sergeant Dave Sims' family had no idea he would be "home" yesterday and to see it all play out live while watching the Braves lose yet another game made Memorial Day a lot more enjoyable. This is the kind of stuff that gets me all choked up. Yep, almost as choked up as when I heard Jenna Jameson got a DUI over the weekend. It just shocks you to the core you know?

I'm a day late but I wanted to say thanks to all the brave men and females who have served or are currently serving our great country. You guys are the true heroes!

Tom Brady Has a Wicked Boston Accent

Tom Brady's Wicked Accent from Tom Brady

I never realized Matt Damon could be such a dick.

Yes I realize I haven't blogged in 5 days and posting this video is another way of taking it easy and not really wanting to work hard after a long 4 day weekend but I have the collective strength of a 2-year-old trying to open a jar of mayonnaise after baking in the sun all day Saturday at the lake. I basically look and feel like lobster boy. The slightest touch of wind sends shivers down my spine like I just made eye contact with a naked rabid zombie in Miami. I'm sorry if the blogging skills aren't exactly up to par today but honestly when have they ever been?

Tony Campana Avoids Tag With Acrobatic Slide

Chicago Cubs outfielder Tony Campana is one of those classic all hustle guys. Limited talent and skills but gives it his all and if you see this slide you can see why he is up with Cubs organization. He's basically the perfect Cubs player. Not a whole lot of talent but when has that ever prevented somebody from starting in the Northside?

Kate Upton Cat Daddy Gif

It's the gif that just keeps on giving. And giving. And giving.

Lesson #1 on how to be a good parent: Don't Put Your Kid in the Dryer

It's pretty simple. You feed them, clean their shit, play with them, and put them to bed. What you don't do is put them in a dryer. Pretty sure that's the first step in the Good Parenting book: DO NOT PUT BABY IN ELECTRIC DRYER.

The kid is safe. But the fact that these type of people can procreate scares the living piss out of me. Not only do you put your kid in the dryer and give him a few potentially deadly alligator rolls but then you freak out and run to get help. Dude how about you unplug the fucking thing?

Reds Fan Catches Back-to-Back Home Run Balls

I've gone on record saying I've never caught a foul ball let alone a home run and I've probably attended well over 300 ball games in my lifetime and yet this lucky SOB catches back-to-back home run balls in Cincinnati. Unbelievable! I guess the key for me to finally catching one is to go to the next Braves game Mike Minor is pitching and sit in left center. Obviously it doesn't even matter if the opposing pitcher is hitting my chances of catching a home run ball are exponentially greater with Minor throwing BP, I mean pitches. By the way I never understood the throwing back of the home run ball if it's the visiting team who hits one. Fuck that! There is absolutely no way I would ever throw it back just like there is absolutely no way I would have Minor start another game over Kris Medlen if I were Fredi Gonzalez.

Giancarlo Stanton Just Killed The Marlins Scoreboard

As a Braves fan the one team that scares the living shit out of me in the NL East is the Miami Marlins. Yes the Phillies are the champions but they are getting old and have too many injuries. The Nationals are playing great but they are still too young. And the Mets are still just the Mets. The Marlins on the other hand have a good mixture of veterans (Jose Reyes, Hanley Ramirez, Mark Buehrle, Omar Infante, Carlos Zambrano, etc.) and some young guys like 22-year-old Giancarlo Stanton who can absolutely murder the ball. And you know Ozzie will keep things interesting down there in Little Havana. Before the season started I thought the NL East would be a Phillies/Marlins battle. Today, May 22, I think it will come down to the Braves and Marlins. Both organizations have good scouting departments and have sluggers (Stanton and Freddie Freeman) who are on their way to being huge superstars this season. It will be fun to watch.

Kyrie Irving aka "Uncle Drew" Shows The Youngsters Up As An Old Man

This is reverse Danny Almonte shit right here. Cleveland point guard and rookie of the year Kyrie Irving dressed up as "Uncle Drew" and schooled a bunch of young guys in a pickup game. It's obviously some guerilla marketing campaign by Pepsi Max and it worked. They should do more of these. I would love to see Justin Verlander dress up as an old guy, put on a Brewers uniform and come out and play for our men's league team. Or you could have Jamie Moyer comeback and pitch in the Majors. Now that would be hilarious.

Via HotClicks

I'll Have Another Wins The Preakness

2 down and one more to go for horse racing history for I'll Have Another. If I'll Have Another can win the Belmont in 3 weeks then we are looking at the first horse since Affirmed in the late 70's to complete the Triple Crown. If you have ever attended Preakness in the infield you should know that there isn't a better horse name than I'll Have Another for the complete drunken shitfest that goes on starting at 8 am. Actually I think if I had the coin to buy a horse I might name him Drunken Shitfest. All the other horses wouldn't think twice about my stud because of his name while in the meantime we are taking over the horse racing world one furlong at a time. "Down the stretch we come and Drunken Shitfest is just punishing I'll Have Another!"

Great video here of I'll Have Another trainer Doug O'Neill watching his horse pass Bodemeister to keep his Triple Crown hopes alive.

Best Bobblehead Ever: The Sid Bream "The Slide"

I...Must...Have...It!

Not only because it's the best bobblehead doll of all-time because it features a sliding Sid Bream with the umpire Randy Marsh calling him safe and a lunging Mike LaValliere stretching for the tag but because I was at this game with my Dad. In fact a couple of years ago I gave my Dad for Father's Day a framed autographed Sid Bream "The Slide" photo for his office. It's the most memorable sports event I've ever been a part of and now the Braves will be giving away these classic bobbleheads to the first 20,000 fans who attend the June 9th game vs the Toronto Blue Jays at The Ted. It's one of those moments that you will never forget and I cherish that I got to share it with my Dad who basically taught me everything about baseball.

Kerry Woods Walks Away To A Standing Ovation, Hugs Son After His Final MLB Pitch

This is just a classic scene from Wrigley Field today. Kerry Wood on his final MLB pitch throws his wicked curveball for strike three and walks off to a standing ovation. To get the juices even more flowing or tears for that matter he Cubby-bear hugs his son as he walks off the field. Major props go to the Chicago Cubs organization for letting Wood go out on his terms. From my first memory of Wood striking out 20 Astros in 1998 to this final moment I would say he played the game the right way.

Chicago vs Chicago: Round 2

Ok this needs to be said about the New Era hats once and for all. The flat brims are horrible. They are so damn hideous and red neck trash looking that even the bros wear them and think they look cool. Wrong. It looks ridiculous. You look like a blind carnie with a devastating limp trying to hump a dog with that flat brim brah! So please stop it with the flat brim look and for the love of all holy take off the damn sticker. We get it. You got a new hat instead of a high school diploma. Congratulations. The $35 you dished out still won't earn you any respect so just do us all a big favor and take off the sticker. As a business owner all the flat brims with the stickers on them just stamp a giant UNEMPLOYABLE right across your ugly mug. It's basically a neck tattoo in chinese characters that translates to don't hire me.

Any ways Round 2 of the Chicago vs Chicago was a giant step down from the epic round 1. I might as well post it for everyone to see. And please New Era can you make the hats less stiff. I want a relaxed fit, not a damn Shriners cone on my head.

Robert Griffin III aka RG3 Beats Off On Jay Leno

Whether it is throwing a pigskin or toking the rock RG3 has a flair for the dramatic on the football field. Off the field the #2 pick wears eccentric socks and does the beatbox on the Tonight Show. The Redskins not only found their savior but they found a guy who should be a media darling for the next decade. RG3 has charisma, talent, and can beat off with the best of them. A modern day Dirk Diggler for sure.

Happy Birthday To John Smoltz and George Brett

Two of my favorite baseball players share a birthday today: Future Hall of Famer John Smoltz and Hall of Famer George Brett. Brett is one of the greatest third basemen of all-time and played his whole 20 year career in Kansas City. A pistol on and off the field Brett is known not just for his 3000 plus hits and over .300 batting average but the most famous ejection in MLB history: The Pine Tar Game.



If you ever see Brett in Las Vegas please don't give him the crab legs. This is his epic explosive shit story from Spring Training...

Also a big 45th Happy Birthday to the greatest Atlanta Braves pitcher of all-time John Smoltz. Yes I said it. Smoltz is the best "Atlanta" pitcher for his whole career. Better than Niekro, Mad Dog, and Glavine in my opinion. He is a sure-fire first-ballot Hall of Famer and was the most clutch Braves player in postseason history. Whether starting or closing games the first guy I would want on the mound wearing the tomahawk is Smoltzie. He also has a pretty sweet house up in Milton...

The Return of Pat Burrell

"Once you go Pat you never go back!"

Albert Pujols With The Roid Rage On Erick Aybar

Come on Albert. So what if you are struggling to hit the Mendoza line and drive in more runs in a whole season than what Josh Hamilton does in one game? It's no reason to take your roid rage out on teammate Erick Aybar especially after a win! Granted Aybar did hit Pujols' elbow and not his hand but it's not like he peppered his balls with a glove slap. Lighten up Albert. You got hundreds of millions to not live up to. No reason to go throwing hissy fits on your teammates.

Via TheBigLead

Bobby Petrino's Beat-Up Hog For Sale

Via Kegs N Eggs is the news that Bobby Petrino has decided to put his Hog, yes the one he crashed in with Jessica Dorrell, up for auction. The current bid is $4000 and the 2007 Harley Davidson is reportedly worth $18,000. Sorry guys but the blonde is not included with the purchase price. That will cost you your dignity and your job.

May 10th Small Business Special - RG3 Skins T-shirts Only $10

Today only you can get our original RG3 Skins t-shirt for only $10. That's almost 50% off the regular price. You can order as many as you want and we have sizes small thru 3XL in stock and ready to ship. Spread the word SportsCrack nation. The sale is only good for today! RG3 Skins May 10th Special $10

San Diego Fan Slugs Foul Ball Beer

This guy is clearly a SportsCrack fan. So what if the ball has a little dirt on it. It's in the beer now so you have to slug it! Bravo to this young Padres fan in his vintage Tony Gwynn jersey for stepping up and delivering one for the home crowd.

Josh Hamilton On A Wet Tarp Is Intoxicating

Arguably the game's best player who is in his contract year doesn't really worry about how a giant slip n slide-like tarp could effect his market value. Josh Hamilton has hit 5 home runs in his last 6 at-bats (the other was a double that came short about 5 feet) and if he damn well wants to act like a kid during a rain delay in Baltimore then so be it.

Play on playa.

Rajon Rondo is a Prick, Wears Awful Clothing

Thank you Charles Barkley. It's one thing to be a prick to everybody like Rajon Rondo usually is but it's a whole other ballgame when you wear shitty clothing. I mean look at that fucking jacket! Even Craig Sager wouldn't put that shit on. If you wonder why people are laughing at you then with you Rondo you might want to look in the mirror bro. So don't be mad at everybody else Rondo because you lost to the Hawks and you wear Liberace jackets because we all know you are really just mad at yourself.

Video via BarStoolSports

Josh Hamilton Slugs 4 Home Runs

I watched the Orioles/Rangers game last night and after the first inning in which Josh Hamilton took a high breaking ball from Jake Arrieta deep to center I said to myself "do not pitch to him again." Well the Orioles and Buck Showalter decided to keep pitching to him and he made them pay all night. 4 home runs. 18 total bases. 8 RBIs. Hambone is a fucking beast and even as an Orioles fan it was entertaining to see somebody do something remarkable that had only happened 15 times before. But seriously Showalter what the fuck were you thinking? Stop pitching to him. Walk him. Hambone is scary Barry Bonds on steroids hot.

By the way those Klondike Choco Tacos look awesome. I haven't had one of those since I was picking celery out of my braces. Basically what I am saying is the commercial worked. I'm a fucking sucker.

Notre Dame To Wear Adidas Irish Flag Cleats for Ireland Game

Yesterday Notre Dame equipment manager Ryan Grooms tweeted the above image in which is suppose to be the football cleats the team wears when they battle Navy in Dublin in early September. They look like a cross between a Mexican soccer cleat and an University of Miami sneaker. For one game they aren't bad and I'm sure the tape they use will cover up most of the cleat. Personally I would have put a shamrock on there along with a Guinness but that's just me the drunk talking.

Eli Manning SNL Sketch: Little Brothers

Via HotClicks

Irish Mafia...My People Will Get You T-Shirt

Taking orders now on the brand new Irish Mafia...My People Will Get You t-shirt. If you have been listening to the news you know what this is all about Irish fans. Shirts start at $15 and we have sizes small-3XL. Just click on the picture above to go order one.

Also we got this new one for Crazy Purple Kelly Face...