Bryce Harper is Heating Up, Crushes Two Long Balls

The Washington Nationals are the best team in baseball. Seriously. Look at their record. 84 wins. 52 losses. And finally their best player is heating up as teenage phenom Bryce Harper went deep twice last night vs the hapless Cubs. His two bombs gave him 17 for the season, moving him past Ken Griffey Jr. and now only trails Mel Ott (18) and Tony Conigliaro (24) for most homers in a single season by a teenager. The Nats don't need Harper to perform Superman feats to make the playoffs but if they are going to win the whole thing this October they expect Harper to be their Babe Ruth.

After watching his two laser beam shots last night it wouldn't surprise me if Harper goes above and beyond and carries the Nats on his back the last month. He's that good and he's not clowning around.

Tonight's NFL Lock: Giants -4

The Cowgirls are all show and no substance with a drunk of an owner. The Giants are the defending Super Bowl Champions with their whole roster pretty much intact from last season. Jason Pierre-Paul and Justin Tuck will make Tony Romo nervous all night with a relentless pass rush. Eli Manning is a better big game QB than Romo and with the big lights on him tonight expect Peyton's little brother to shine.

Giants cover the -4 by winning 28-17.

Kris Medlen Twitted His Excitement

Wow what an incredible day! So honored to be the NL pitcher of the month! But finding out my unborn child has a wiener was the best part!

— Kris Medlen (@KrisMedlen54) September 4, 2012

I got a new favorite pitcher and his name is Kris Medlen. Not only is he undefeated in his last 17 decisions he's started (A Braves record) but the ultimate teammate who has languished in the bullpen after recovering from Tommy John surgery has a great sense of humor. Yes you won NL pitcher of the month but the most important thing is your kid has a "wiener."

By the way it's September 5th, 2012 and the Baltimore Orioles are tied for 1st place with the $200 million New York Yankees. Am I dreaming? Don't answer that because I don't want to wake up.

Trick Shot Monday: Purdue Weekend

Hey lookie lookie suspended tailback Cierre Wood makes an appearance. All kidding aside you can tell this Notre Dame squad gets along pretty good. If they can get this pysched up for trick shot Monday I can only imagine how amped they are going to be this Saturday when they run out of the tunnel at home for the first time against Purdue. Right now Notre Dame is a 14 point favorite at home following an easy cover of 14.5 last week vs Navy. I don't bet on the Irish but if I did I would heavily favor them covering against Purdue. Last year they won by 28 in West Lafayette with a suspect QB. This year they have Everett Golson and a much better squad. You do the math.

My New Favorite Beer Commercial

I've never had Carlton Draught but after seeing this epic commercial there is little doubt it will be wetting my palate this week. Plus I've had so many Guinness Draughts the past 5 days in Dublin that my stool looks like that black tar baby shit you get from newborns. The 80's montage music is the tits by the way.

We Are Off To Ireland

Ruh roh. Forget about Hurricane Isaac. Hurricane SportsCrack is about to invade Ireland. It's going to get ugly no doubt. No one will be spared.

I'm about to board a flight with my Dad to the Motherland. Many of pints will be consumed. Golf clubs will be swung..badly. And of course we will be watching the "Fighting Irish" of Notre Dame destroy the Naval Academy on Saturday.

There will be no shipping of our kick ass SportsCrack shirts between August 29th-September 2nd. So please don't email me, call me, or ask me where your shirt is. I'm on vacation bitches! And the only thing I'm worried about is my liver surviving on "MY ISLAND." When I get back everything will be back to normal...translation I will be back and drinking on the job as usual.

Peace and Go Irish!

4 DAYS

You feel that tingle deep down in your nutsack? Yeah, that's college football coming. It's about to hit you as hard as a LeGarrette Blount sucker punch.

Sports Anchor Rebecca Hall Tells Vin Scully To Get His Shit Together

I tell you kids these days have no respect. Los Angeles Dodgers announcer Vin Scully is a living legend. And yet this little hussy challenges him to "get his shit together." Obviously his shit is in his diaper. Seriously where is the respect?

Everett Golson Named Notre Dame Starting Quarterback...Finally

What has been rumored for months across messageboards and coffee shops (bad example, most people in Starbucks aren't football fans) will finally come to fruition tonight: head coach Brian Kelly will name redshirt freshman Everett Golson the starting quarterback.

Exhale and breath ND Nation. No need to worry about Dayne Crist (transfer), Tommy Rees (suspended), Andrew Hendrix (too erratic), or Gunner Kiel (too young) taking that first snap in Dublin in 10 days and fucking up the season with another costly turnover. It's Golson time!

As you probably know I've been on the Golson bandwagon ever since he picked Notre Dame. Golson isn't the tallest (6'0) or the biggest (185 lbs) but he has that certain "IT" when it comes to college quarterback winner. You can just look at his play and say "HOLY SHIT THIS KID CAN BALL OUT!" He won state titles in football (2 of them) and basketball while in high school. The kid is a flat out winner and knows how to put in the work to be the starter and the leader of a young Fighting Irish team facing the nation's most difficult schedule.

Notre Dame people want to compare him to 1988 National Championship QB Tony Rice because they are both black and from the state of South Carolina. But if I were to compare Golson to somebody it would be a Drew Brees or a Joe Hamilton. Relatively short guy with incredible pocket presence who is accurate and can tuck the ball and run when need be but is looking to pass first. This describes Golson and Notre Dame fans should be jumping for the moon because the limits are endless with Everett behind center.

The Golden Boy has finally arrived. But I call him the Golson One.

Oregon Revealed Their 2012 New Uniforms and We Have Their Liquidmetal Helmets For Sale

Yesterday Nike and Oregon revealed their new 2012 uniforms with a catchy but not really slogan "Oregon is faster." While tame compared to past uniforms Oregon has brought back the very cool looking Liquidmetal helmets they wore in the Rose Bowl. It looks like something the Terminator would wear if he wasn't pile driving Mexican housemaids.

The good news is we have 2 of them for sale. The bad news is they aren't cheap. $980 isn't pocket change by any means but this helmet will get you laid more often than those shitty new Lebron shoes.

Rangers Pitchers Derek Holland and Ryan Dempster Do A Good Harry Caray Impression

Via HotClicks

Michigan Football: Male or Female? You Be The Judge

Michigan getting a #1 vote in the AP Poll is almost as confusing as this picture of Jake Ryan. I seriously thought this picture was a girl. I still think it might. But according to MGoBlue she...I mean he...will be the starting linebacker for the Michigan Wolverines this fall. And people wonder why Augusta National let in the women. Michigan was clearly the first domino to fall.

Image via Ryan Wykle

Junior Seau Committed Suicide Because of a Sleep Aide?

Months ago the tragic suicide death of former All-Pro linebacker Junior Seau was put on the pedestal of why the NFL needs to be held accountable for concussions and their health consequences. The media was quick to point out Seau's multiple concussions and it's probable cause of his suicide.

Fast forward to today when the Medical Examiner in San Diego issued Seau's toxicology report which revealed trace amounts of zolpidem, commonly known as Ambien, a drug used to treat insomnia, which has been linked to side effects of depression and suicidal thoughts.

Those close to Seau also said he had trouble sleeping for years and did not always take the sleep aids as directed. Nancy Emsley, who often worked out with Seau at a local gym, said she lectured Seau that he needed to sleep for eight hours after taking one. “He just rolled his eyes,” she said.

Well maybe the concussions led to Seau's insomnia but I think it is prudent to point out that Ambien was the most likely cause of Seau's decision to take his life. And the scary part is he probably thought it was the hits in the NFL he took that were giving him those crazy thoughts running through his head and not the little pill he popped because Seau had a hard time falling asleep.

In short don't always believe what you hear and pills are not the answer.

Sincerely,

Your Dad

What Hurts Worse? This Hit on Michael Vick's Ribs or...

...a dog getting electrocuted? I don't know about you but I think a bunch of dogs getting electrocuted probably hurts worse than a hit to the ribs. But yeah Michael Vick is a guy to root for.

Don't worry Philly or Vick fans. He will be fine. Just some bruised ribs. He's got a whole season left to let you down.

Danica Patrick Has a Potty Mouth

Typical woman driver. Blaming everyone else for their fuck up. Get back in the kitchen Danica.

Money Ball Scores When He Wants T-Shirt

Money Ball Scores When He Wants t-shirts are now available. Wisconsin peeps asked for them and we delivered. Kids and adult sizes are available. Order your Money Ball shirt today. Limited quantities available.

Just Your Normal Everyday $1700 Alabama Crimson Tide Back Tattoo

That monstrosity is Bama fan Zack Smartt's new back tattoo. It took 10.5 hours and cost him $1700. Holy fucking shit! I wonder what his cellmate will think of it in a couple of years?

Via Busted Coverage

Notre Dame Shamrock Series Techfit Uniforms Revealed, Internet Explodes

First off I will admit I'm not the biggest fan of these new Notre Dame "Shamrock Series" uniforms. They look kind of like Michigan's uniforms. The jerseys aren't that bad. But the helmet is...well...two sided. I don't get it. I don't mind the leprechaun on the helmet and I actually think it looks good with the navy helmet but they should have put it on both sides and made the helmet all navy. The leprechaun is reversed on the left side which throws me off. I've never seen the Fighting Irish guy facing to the left. But you know what? It's honestly not that big of a deal. It's a fucking uniform. As long as they keep their colors in it (navy, gold, white, and green) then it's cool. Plus it's only for one game and Notre Dame is going to be the shit out of Miami with them on so I'm cool with it. Just win baby!

In the meantime you owe it to yourself to order the official "Catholics vs Convicts" t-shirt. Only $17. Order today!

Usain Bolt's New Gatorade Commercial

Pretty cool commercial for the second fastest man in the world according to Denard Robinson.

Via Darren Rovell

Cal Ripken Jr. Is Auctioning Off His Chevy Suburban, Same Car He Drove During Record Breaking Streak

If you are looking for an extremely unique piece of memorabilia that in fact you can drive to your favorite ballpark then check out this 1994 Chevy Suburban that was driven by Cal Ripken Jr. for several years. Hunt Auctions is starting off the bidding at $25,000.

1994 Chevy Suburban driven by Cal Ripken Jr. for several years during his legendary career. The vehicle was driven by Cal to Oriole Park the historic nights he tied and broke Lou Gehrig’s consecutive games played record, September 5 & 6, 1995. Ripken also drove the Suburban to Orioles post-season games in 1996 and 1997.

Well shit fire. I'm actually in the market for an automobile. The SportsCrack truck is on it's last legs and what would be a better truck to haul around boxes full of shirts then Ripken's very own Suburban? This is no coincidence folks. I have to have this truck!

King Felix Throws Perfect Game

29% of all perfect games in MLB history have happened in the last 3 seasons. It should be higher if Armando Galarraga didn't get robbed by umpire Jim Joyce. So what does it all mean? I guess steroids do actually work for hitters.

Congratulations go out to Felix Hernandez on the perfect game. He should thank his defense. They made a lot of clutch plays to keep the perfecto intact. 27 up. 27 down. Amazing.

Dodgers reliever Randy Choate with the glove save and a beauty

A millisecond too late and Randy Choate would be in a hospital right now suffering from hamburger face. Just a beautiful glove save here. Marty Brodeur has nothing on Choate.

Via HotClicks

"Baby Got Back" Sung By the Movies

The world is a better place with this "Baby Got Back" song edited with clips from 295 films. It put a smile on my face. Hope it worked for you too.

Rajai Davis Robs Casey McGehee In Toronto

Talk about scaling a wall. Toronto Blue Jays outfielder Rajai Davis pulled some SpiderMan shit with this spectacular grab to rob the Yankees Casey McGehee of a home run.

Another Reason to Love College Football: Walk-On Rewarded for Hard Work

I don't care who you are a fan of if this video doesn't get you hyped up for college football then just leave already. Vanderbilt head coach James Franklin rewards the dedication and hard work of walk-on Mark Panu with a full scholarship in front of his teammates. Awesome. Now I get an idea of why Franklin has been stealing recruits from the likes of Tennessee.

Via TheBigLead

Can I Jam Music Video

Don't even lie. You laughed your ass off. "Can I jam my privates in your privates" is going to be the new hit song of the summer. Forget about that Gotye song or "Call Me Maybe" because this shit is going to be played at every club, party, ball game, bar mitzah for the next 6 months.

Via BarStoolSports

McKayla Maroney teaches Jenna Bush How To Do The Dougie

Gymnast McKayla Maroney is on a rampage in England. She's doing the Dougie on top of those famous double decker buses while being whisked around London. Be afraid London. Be very afraid. We might steal your balding Prince.

Orioles Call Up Top Prospect Manny Machado

Last night the surprising Baltimore Orioles finished off sweeping the Seattle Mariners to maintain a tie for the Wild Card lead with 49 games left but what happened after was even more shocking: they called up top position prospect Manny Machado from AA Bowie. Wow!

Machado just turned 20 and the shortstop is rated the #9 best prospect in the game. It was expected or widely forecast that he wouldn't make an impact on the big league club till 2013 at the earliest. Tonight he will start at third base against the Kansas City Royals. Hot Damn!

"Manny can be a plus and help the team," Orioles executive vice president of baseball operations Dan Duquette said. "The kid has a lot ot talent. It sounds like Buck will play him at third base."

Machado was the third overall pick in the 2010 MLB draft out of high school in Miami. He has played only 2 games at third base with the majority of his time at shortstop. Shortstop is occupied by JJ Hardy and they don't plan on moving Hardy any time soon. The Orioles have struggled to get production out of third base all season with the combination of Mark Reynolds and Wilson Betemit both at the plate and defensively. Machado is considered to have a plus glove.

Whether or not this is the right move for the Orioles organization remains to be seen. Some consider rushing a prospect to the Majors not a good move because of fear of ruining one's confidence. I can see the rationale in the thinking but if you got the enormous talent like Machado possesses he will adjust his game and be fine. The good thing about the Orioles position right now is they aren't putting all their stock and future on Machado's shoulders. He isn't seen as the savior. He is just another piece to hopefully getting them into the playoffs for the first time in 15 years.

In other words: Don't Fuck It Up Kid!

Oh yeah and good luck.

Yankees Pitcher Cody Eppley Hit In The Head By Own Teammate

I know all of you are concerned about Yankees pitcher Cody Eppley. He's going to be ok. Just a little boo boo on his noggin from taking one from teammate Eric Chavez last night. The mental anguish might not be enough for Eppley to handle though so I've been told he is suing Rawlings for making the ball, Detroit for building a baseball stadium with inadequate warning signs for thrown balls, and every fan in the stands including the commentators for not alerting him of the dangers of a baseball thrown from a teammate. Hey it's the American way right? Let's blame others because it's so much easier. It's what God would want.

/mulls over lawsuit vs Busch Light for explosive bloody diarrhea.

How to Eat Noodles Like a Boss Commercial

This guy is my new hero. Not only can he slam down Ramen with the best of them while pouring scolding hot water down his throat and doing lines of chili pepper right in front of his female coworkers but the guy screams "FAWK BITCHES" to top it all off. Even the Asians have better commercials then us. Not only are we losing the medal count to fucking communist China but are commercials look like Lolo Jones trying to compete on the grand stage. Time to tighten it up America.

Usain Bolt Stops Interview To Pay Respect To National Anthem

The world's fastest man Usain Bolt stopped an interview the other night to pay respect to our national anthem which was being played for gold medalist Sanya Richards-Ross. I just want to give big props to Bolt for doing it. He didn't have to but he wanted to show respect to another Olympic champ. Very cool.

Germany's Stephan Feck With The Astonishing Back Dive

Sign this fucker up Wheaties! Germany's Stephan Feck went above and beyond the call of duty with this classic dive. Years from now, shit maybe days from now, nobody will even remember who won the men's springboard 3m dive but they sure as shit will remember this classic fuck up by Feck. I'm thinking this dive left a mark.

Via TheBigLead

Will Ferrell Is Very Emotional Over Kristen Stewart's Cheating Ways

Coming to a theater in 2013...the newest and latest and even more boring part of the Twilight Series comes...The Trampire! Watch how a young starlet caves to the temptations of an older married man with kids. Sounds epic.

Brian Kelly Breaks Down Notre Dame Going Into Fall Camp

I know that head coach Brian Kelly likes to run an up-tempo offense that gets the ball into the endzone as quickly as possible but I think for the Fighting Irish to be successful under redshirt freshman QB Everett Golson they need to slow things down for at least the beginning of the season.

With relatively easy games against Navy and Purdue to start off the season my hope would be Kelly will run a scaled down offense with about 10-15 plays that Golson can execute flawlessly. This isn't the NFL we are talking about. Auburn ran about 10 plays when they rode Cam Newton all the way to a BCS Title and their defense wasn't that strong. Now granted Cam is a freak and Golson is not the same talent but if you look at the weapons around Golson (Cierre Wood, Theo Riddick, GA3, Tyler Eifert, and a veteran offensive line returning) he should be able to get the ball into his playmaker's hands if they don't make the offense too complicated for a first year starter.

Personally I think Golson is going to be a star. He's got all the intangibles and talent to be the most successful Notre Dame quarterback since Tony Rice was behind center. But you got to ease kids into starting roles and obviously that is no easy task especially as the quarterback at a school like Notre Dame. The Irish should be able to run the ball with Wood, Riddick, GA3, and transfer Amir Carlisle all coming back who know how to do all the little things to help protect a QB even when they aren't getting the ball.

If Notre Dame can keep the offense simple and keep Golson healthy they can win 9-10 games this year despite the brutal schedule. It's up to Kelly to have these kids prepared and I think he along with the fan base have to be patient with the development of Golson. Golson for better or worse is the golden egg. No need to break it before it's ready.

Sorry Russia, Gabby Douglas Takes The Gold

Don't get me wrong silver and bronze medals are nice. If NOT winning is what your goal is. If you live in Russia this means you and your family don't get milk and bread for the next 4 years since you disgraced the Motherland.

SportsCrack would like to send a big ole congrats to Gabby Douglas for winning the individual all-around gymnastics gold. This is her second gold medal in two days after winning one with the "Fab 5" and it's already paying off in endorsements. Reportedly Kellogg's Corn Flakes will pay Gabby over a million dollars to grace her winning image on their cereal boxes.

Oh and don't worry about the Russian girls. They will make appearances on Russian milk cartons soon. The missing section of course.

Zack Cozart With The Diving Double Play

Less than 4 weeks till college football kicks off. But yeah this was a great play by Reds shortstop Zack Cozart. Did I mention college football is less than 28 days away? America. Fuck yeah!

Northwestern's New Football Uniforms

Listen I'm not a fan of purple on uniforms but these new Under Armour Northwestern football unis are kinda cool. I like the stripes across the chest and sleeves. It makes them look wider I suppose. If you are going to wear purple at least make it look decent and it appears Under Armour has done their job.

Yay or nay on the new uniforms?

Great Wife Prank

My wife would kill me if I ever pulled this shit on here. But yeah it would so be worth the laughs.

Via HotClicks

Penn State Athletes React to NCAA Sanctions

Via Irish Chocolate.

What the Hell is Going on Here? Melky Cabrera Actually "Trying"

First Ichiro in a Yankees uniform and now the notoriously sluggish Melky Cabrera making an effort to catch a ball in foul territory...what fucking planet am I on right now? Am I dead? I'm going to need a drink or 20 after watching this.

Lacrosse Bro Gets Knocked Out

I'm going to be completely honest here and don't judge me too harshly. I had no clue that fighting was allowed in lacrosse. Yeah I know I'm originally from Maryland but shit I just never knew fisticuffs were allowed like hockey. I'm definitely going to try to pay less attention to it in the future. See what I did there.

Ichiro on the Yankees

Have I been transported to some alternate universe? It just seems so bizarre to see Ichiro in anything but a Seattle Mariners uniform. I'm getting a little dizzy just looking at him. The future Hall of Famer is on the tail end of his career and is easily having his worst season at the age of 38 since coming over from Japan but I have a good feeling he will be rejuvenated playing in the Bronx...or the Yankees will just go out and get another dinosaur of a contract to play for them.

Rugdy Hit: Dean Young Knocked Out by Greg Inglis

I'm not positive but I think Dean Young might need a new spine after this incredible take out by Greg Inglis. Inglis' hit was so vicious the first time I watched it I believe I had a little bit of piss trickling down my leg. Absolutely terrifying blow by Inglis. Awesome. But yeah I hope Young isn't on a feeding tube or anything because that would totally suck.

Via TheBigLead

Good Knowing You Penn State Football

-$60 million dollar fine.

-4 year bowl/postseason ban.

-Significant scholarship reductions of 10 per year for a four-year period.

-All wins from 1998 to 2011 vacated. Sorry JoePa. You just went from 1st to 7th in head coaching victories.

-All current Penn State football players are eligible to transfer without having to sit out a year.

Basically the Penn State football program is dead. No 5 star recruit is going to want to go to Happy Valley when they know they can't play in the postseason or compete for a conference title. It was good...well...not really...knowing you Penn State football. You protected and knowingly covered up for a serial child rapist on your own campus. This penalty by the NCAA was deserved and justified.

Introducing the Irish Mob T-Shirt...also available in Cool Dri

Taking pre orders now on this exclusive #IrishMob t-shirt. You can still get our soft 100% cotton t-shirt in this style for the low price of $17 but we are also making our first Cool Dri performance t-shirt available for the Irish Mob. It's a light weight 4 oz. 100% polyester performance shirt that compares to the best Under Armour shirts out there but at a fraction of the price. Basically it's great for the summer to work out in or wear to a tailgate or a party without having it cling to you like a normal cotton shirt.

Kudos go out to Jerry Kennedy for sending in the idea. He's a huge #IrishMob fan and we felt obligated to make the best looking design for DameFan. Be sure to check out his blog.

Order your limited edition #IrishMob t-shirt today. Shipping starts July 23rd.

Pedobear Posing Next To Joe Paterno Statue

Via Deadspin comes the inevitable Pedobear posing right next to the most famous statue ever to be made in honor of a man in Joe Paterno who covered and abetted for a child rapist for over a decade. Now that is some school pride. We Are Penn State!

Jeremy Lin's "Somebody That I Used To Know" Parody Song

What the fuck were the Knicks thinking? They just let their most marketable player since...well...ever...just leave for $6 million dollars extra that the Houston Rockets were willing to pay. Fucking stupid if you ask me. Now maybe Jeremy Lin is a flash in the pan but at least he keeps people talking about your team and sells tickets, gets television viewership, and sells merchandise. He's like Tim Tebow without the virginity cloud glooming over his head.

If you don't like Gotye's "Somebody That I Used To Know" song then you probably hate this parody. I actually like the song even though it's been played 25.6 billion times in the last 24 hours on the radio. Thus I love this parody song. Well done my friends. Now let's figure out a way to get Lin back on the Knicks so I don't have to ship all these leftover Linsanity shirts to all the poor college grads out there. You thought I was going to say Haiti weren't you?

Video via ThePostGame

SEC Media Days Bingo 2012

I got a lot of money riding on "We're Excited" and "Nick Saban Destroys Reporter." Don't let me down now SEC coaches.

Via SBNation

It's Not American but here is a Great Canadian Football Play

Yes we are literally counting down the seconds till football starts but since we still got another 5 weeks till the real thing I give you this highlight from America's Hat: Canada. You don't see many 129 yard missed field goal returns for touchdowns around these parts but that is exactly what Tristan Jackson did last week for the Saskatchewan Roughriders.

Via HotClicks

Delonte West Throws Like A Basketball Player

Does Delonte West still play? Just wondering out loud because if he isn't still banging Lebron's mom while getting the ball in the hoop on the court then he definitely has a promising career as a Major League outfielder. Look at that gun! Bryce Harper and Mike Trout have nothing on Delonte in terms of arm strength.

Via TheBigLead

Jimmy Fallon: At The Bar With Roger Federer

I forgot to mention Roger Federer winning his record tying 7th Wimbledon the other day because...well...he's so fucking boring. Federer is the greatest men's tennis player but like Pete Sampras before him he's got the personality of a dolt. It's probably the main reason why tennis viewership and interest in the United States has steadily declined the last two decades. More people were excited and heartbroken to see runner up Andy Murray cry like a spoiled 5 year old who got his favorite stuffed animal taken away then see Federer hold another Wimbledon Trophy. Tennis could be so much more exciting if all the rich white people in attendance just got drunk like they do at baseball and football games.

Must See Video: Shark Takes Away The Catch of The Day

I can listen to these rednecks scream all day. "OH SHIT...JESUS CHRIST...IT'S A SHARK....IT'S A SHARK!!!....IT'S A BIG ASS SHARK!!!!"

Then the guy acts like his girl can just reel in the shark. Priceless.

This Chipper Jones 2012 All Star Game Speech Brought Tears To My Eyes

After watching Chipper Jones give this inspiring speech to his fellow NL All-Star teammates I have to wonder how there is not already a bronze statue in the clubhouse. This speech will go down with the Tebow speech at Florida and the "Win one For The Gipper" speech from some unknown football coach at a tiny Jewish school in lower Michigan. I literally had tears flowing while listening to Chipper mumbling to his teammates who pretended to care that this was his final All-Star game. This speech just makes me one go out and.... take a nap.

By the way this is one of the reasons why baseball coaches are overrated at the MLB level. You can't give inspiring speeches to ballplayers. It just doesn't work. Sure I can see it working in football or basketball where a player can take over a game but in baseball it's rare unless it's the pitcher. And even they could care less about it being your last game. You think Matt Cain threw better last night because of Chipper's speech?

Patriots Owner Bob Kraft Is Banging This Actress Named Ricki Noel Lander, Has an Audition Tape

Good for Bob Kraft. Instead of wallowing in self pity over the death of his beloved wife, Myra, last July after a battle with cancer he is out banging a 32-year-old "actress" named Ricki Noel Lander.

Kraft is 71 so it's not weird at all for Ricki to be dating a guy who is old enough to be her grandfather. The rumor is this audition tape is for a new Vince Vaughn film called "Internship" which is actually be filmed here in Atlanta.

You gotta love Kraft's acting chops. He had me totally convinced the whole time he was some lonely old man at a strip club trying to pick up a trick. It's almost like he went undercover to study the role.

Video via Barstool Sports

Jose Canseco's Old Milwaukee Commercial

So Old Milwaukee still tastes like shit and does steroids? Fantastic. Can't wait to try it again.

David Letterman's Top Ten Fun Facts About The All-Star Game

I honestly can't remember the last time I watched David Letterman. Probably late 90's if not earlier. Which makes me wonder if any of these MLB All-Stars actually know who David Letterman is. Jared Weaver looked lost, high, or whatever with that "happening mullet."

Via ExtraMustard

This Lightning Strike in Arlington Looked Fun

Yeah not scary at all. Now excuse me while I go wipe the piss off my leg.

Trout For MVP Anaheim Baseball T-Shirt

Here is the newest SportsCrack.com t-shirt called TROUT FOR MVP. If you saw his amazing catch in Baltimore you know that this Trout can jump and fly with the best of them. We are taking preorders now. Shipping starts July 9th on these limited edition Trout For MVP t-shirts. As always a portion of all sales goes to the American Cancer Society.

Isaiah Crowell Arrested on Gun Charges

Georgia tailback and leading rusher Isaiah "Shotgun" Crowell was arrested this morning and charged with multiple felonies including carrying a concealed weapon. Don't worry folks Mark Richt will give him a come to Jesus talk.

According to Athens-Clarke police spokesperson Hilda Sorrow, Crowell was arrested as the result of as “vehicle check-point stop” — a road block — on East Campus Road at Green Street at 2:20 a.m. Friday. Officer Kristin Thornton reported smelling the odor of marijuana in Crowell’s 2005 Mercury Grand Marquis. Crowell gave consent to search the vehicle, himself and four other unnamed occupants. No marijuana was discovered but a 9-mm Luger handgun with an altered serial number was found under the driver’s seat. Crowell was immediately arrested and taken to jail and the car was impounded.

My guess is Crowell will never play another down between the hedges. It seems like every offseason I'm making excuses for one of their tailbacks getting suspended or thrown out of school. Actually it is every offseason. Crowell is just the latest "can't miss" prospect who just couldn't grow up and mature in Athens. It's probably Mike Bobo's fault.

Don't worry Georgia fans. You still have freshman Keith Marshall. He won't get in trouble because he is actually a good kid off the field. His skill set is similar to Crowell but he doesn't have quite the size. Marshall is the fastest guy on the team though so he will be fun to watch.

Special Report: ESPN's Andy Katz Reports Jared Sullinger Has Bulging Dicks

Yes that would be a concern for any NBA team. You can't just take a guy like Ohio State forward Jared Sullinger if he suffers from a bad case of bulging dicks.

SportsCrack 2012 Preseason All-American Team: Defense

Defense wins championships right? It's hard to argue with it last year when two of the best defenses in the nation in Alabama and LSU squared off for the BCS Championship. Of course we will conveniently ignore the year before when Auburn and Oregon both had average defenses yet competed for the crystal ball. Just the thought of all these guys playing on the same defense made Matt Barkley shit his pants.

DEFENSIVE END-Sam Montgomery (LSU)
LSU produces stellar defensive lineman like Nickelback produces complete shit. One after another. Montgomery is a returning 1st team All-American who was a finalist for the Defensive End of the Year Award. His 9 sacks last year were a team high. Expect double digits in 2012.

DEFENSIVE TACKLE-John Jenkins (Georgia)
At 6'3 351 pounds Jenkins is basically two men carved into one hell of a beast. Jenkins will plug the middle for a potentially great UGA defense this season. Don't be surprised if he has a Nick Fairley impact his senior season.

DEFENSIVE TACKLE-Star Lotulelei (Utah)
A potential #1 overall draft pick Star is the most complete Utah football player since...well...ever. The 6'4 320 defensive end is constantly double and even tripled team but still made a hell of an impact last year in the PAC-12 earning 1st team honors. Brings back memories of Ndamukong.

DEFENSIVE END-William Gholston (Michigan State)
It kills me to say this about a Sparty player but Gholston is probably the most underrated defensive player in the country. Gholston is still growing and at 6'7 275 pounds it's hard for any tackle to stop him in his tracks. Gholston has tremendous upside and I think he will put it all together this season after a spectacular bowl game vs Georgia (5 tackles for loss).

OUTSIDE LINEBACKER-Jarvis Jones (Georgia)
You know USC is crying in their dirty Trojans letting this stud linebacker transfer to the east coast. Jones was a finalist for the Butkus Award last year while earning 1st team All-American honors after recording a staggering 19.5 tackles for loss and 13.5 sacks. He should once again dominate between the hedges in 2012.

INSIDE LINEBACKER-Manti Te'o (Notre Dame)
Manti came to South Bend as the most highly regarded defensive player in the past 20 years and has yet to disappoint. Manti once again led the Irish in tackles while earning 1st team All-American honors. He shocked many including myself when he decided to come back for his senior season. Manti is already a legend at Notre Dame but 2012 will give him the chance to be considered the greatest linebacker in their storied history.

INSIDE LINEBACKER-Shayne Skov (Stanford)
When I think of inside linebackers I tend to think of guys who are always there making a play on defense. The Ray Lewis-type players. Skov is that type of guy. The fast and tenacious Skov is coming back from a serious knee injury he suffered early last season. He should once again be the leader in a very underrated Stanford D.

OUTSIDE LINEBACKER-Gerald Hodges (Penn State)
"Linebacker U" just continues to produce standouts and it doesn't change with Hodges. Unlike the past great Nittany Lions Hodges doesn't have to worry about dropping the soap in the showers anymore. Also he doesn't have to worry about JoePa eating his brains. Or does he? In all seriousness Hodges is a great player and should be fun to watch his senior season in Happy Valley.

CORNERBACK-David Amerson (NC State)
The returning 1st team All-American led the nation in INTS with 13 last season. He was the winner of the Jack Tatum Award for nation's best defensive back and probably should have won the Thorpe Award over Mo Claiborne. At 6'3 194 he's a little bigger than most corners but he doesn't lack in speed or recovery time.

FREE SAFETY-Eric Reid (LSU)
One of the hardest hitting safeties in the nation who also is the team leader down in Baton Rouge. Reid earned All-American honors during a stellar sophomore season last year and should once again be a player offenses gameplan around. This kid has the brains and the brawn to be one of the best safeties in the college game since Ed Reed.

STRONG SAFETY-Ray Ray Armstrong (Miami)
For one reason or another Armstrong has been able to put it all together and stay on the field down in Coral Gables. That changes this year. Physically gifted with closing speed and instincts Ray Ray should have a great senior season.

CORNERBACK-Xavier Rhodes (FSU)
Rhodes will be the first to tell you he didn't have the best 2011 season due to some leg injuries. It's one of the main reasons why he chose to come back and not enter the NFL draft. The nagging pain should be gone and I fully expect Rhodes to be back to his stellar self.


SPECIAL TEAMS

PUNTER-Brady Wing (LSU)
KICKER-Caleb Sturgis (Florida)
KICK RETURNER-De'Anthony Thomas (Oregon)
The Black Mamba don't fuck around. He takes it to the house.

PUNT RETURNER-Tyrann Mathieu (LSU)
The Honey Badger don't give a shit. He takes what he wants.

Mike Trout Makes An Amazing Catch in Baltimore

Even though 20-year old Angels outfielder Mike Trout wasn't recalled from the minors until April 28th he still leads the American League with a .344 batting average and 21 stolen bases. Everybody is talking about Bryce Harper and for good reason but why is the national media "clown"ing Trout and not giving him the props he deserves?

Last year Trout was the #1 rated prospect in baseball. He also was a first round draft pick but unlike Harper he went late in the first. There are at least 20 teams kicking themselves in the ass for passing up the high flying Trout.

Trout is another old school player much like Harper. He hustles. All the time. He's also fearless when it comes to defense. And by judging from last night's amazing rob of a JJ Hardy home run Trout's stock will continue to swim upstream with the leather.

So if you had just one player to start a MLB franchise with who are you taking: Trout or Harper?

Typical New York Yankees Cheating At Baseball

Let me guess. Rudy Giuliani gave DeWayne Wise the key to the city for another classic cheating moment. The Yankees always reward behavior like this. Right after this play one of the Steinbrenners kids gave umpire John Hannahan a lifetime suite for botching such an easy call. Hey dipshit why don't you actually look in Wise glove to see if... get this...the actual ball is in there? I know it's totally ridiculous to question a guy in the pinstripes in New York but you might want to do your job correctly.

SportsCrack 2012 Preseason All-American Team: Offense

Every single offseason we do a preseason college football All-American team and every year it continues to gets bigger. In fact I think more football players would rather make the SportsCrack list than the Playboy list. The SportsCrack list doesn't guarantee you a visit to the Playboy mansion but it does insure you will be a star for years to come. Plus you can't get VD from our selection. As least not from me.


QB-Matt Barkley (USC)
Barkley surprised everybody including myself when he decided to come back for his senior season. A projected top 10 pick, Barkley will be looking to do what Andrew Luck couldn't do last season: win a Heisman and/or National Championship.


RB-Marcus Lattimore (South Carolina)
Lattimore was the best running back in the SEC the past two seasons in my opinion before suffering a serious knee injury. If Lattimore played for Bama he would already have a statue next to Saban. Instead he plays in Columbia where he should be happy to make a bowl game.


RB-Montee Ball (Wisconsin)
"Money Ball" as they call him in Madison returns for his senior season after rushing for nearly 2000 yards and an astonishing 39 touchdowns combined. You know Wisconsin is going to run their horse again this season.


WR-Sammy Watkins (Clemson)
Watkins was clearly the best freshman in the nation last year. He is the most explosive player in the ACC since CJ Spiller was toting the rock for the orange and purple a few years back. Watkins will put up better numbers this year. His drive and determination will make him the best wideout in the nation.


WR-Robert Woods (USC)
Nearly 1300 yards and 15 touchdowns for the returning Biletnikoff Finalist. He will have the best QB in the nation throwing him balls with a #2 receiver in Marqise Lee who would be a #1 at 99% of the other schools not named the Trojans. Woods will be electric again this season.


TE-Tyler Eifert (Notre Dame)
Eifert should have won the Mackey Award last season for best tight end in the country. He will get his chance during his senior season to lay his big mitts on it playing in an offense that will feature him again splitting out to wideout. At 6'6 expect this gazelle to put up video game numbers especially with Everett Golson throwing to him.

CENTER-Barrett Jones (Alabama)
Jones was an All-American tackle last year for the National Champs and also played guard for the 2009 Champs. This year he will play center and again will dominate the SEC. Besides QB Jones is the most valuable player on the Tide roster.

OFFENSIVE GUARD-Omoregie Uzzi (Georgia Tech)
Uzzi helps open up holes on the inside for Paul Johnson's triple option down in the Flats. And by opening up holes I mean he trucks over lineman and lays on top of them. Yeah Uzzi loves pancakes.

OFFENSIVE GUARD-Jonathan Cooper (North Carolina)
The 6'3 325 pound senior has good feet and even quicker hands. You gotta have those quick hands when you are taking classes that don't really exist right?

OFFENSIVE TACKLE-DJ Fluker (Alabama)
Alabama's offensive line is pretty disgusting with the best center in Jones and now the best left tackle in Fluker. They also got one of the best guards in Chance Warmack. There is a good reason why Bama wins so many games in the trenches. Fluker is one of them.

OFFENSIVE TACKLE-Chris Faulk (LSU)
While Fluker is the best offensive tackle in college football right now I think Faulk could turn himself into the best one by midseason. The 6'6 325 pound tackle isn't even as heralded as his teammate in opposite end tackle Alex Hurst but Faulk will be a man among boys this season. By the end of the season he will have worked his way up to a top 5 pick.

Kate Upton Running on the Beach, Skateboarding, Hula Hooping, Shooting Hoops, Riding Rollercoasters, and Wet T-shirt Contest Video

I'm just going to do a slow, slow golf clap for this new GQ video featuring Kate Upton. When you are at the top of your game like Upton is you just have to sit back and admire it. Upton knows she is the Jordan of models. The Montana of winning t-shirt contests. She is the Tiger Woods of confidence that she can use her "talents" to get her whatever she wants. Bravo Kate Upton. Bravo.

I think Kate Upton could run for office. She clearly knows how to give people what they want. What is that you ask?





Via BigLeadSports

Finally College Football Will Have A Playoff

The best news to hit the college football landscape in some time is somehow being ignored by the mass media but I wanted to give my thoughts on it. Yesterday the BCS Commissioners and Notre Dame AD Jack Swarbrick (shows you how much money ND brings to the table) formally endorsed a four-team playoff seeded model designed to begin in the 2014 season. The four-team playoff would replace the much debated BCS System which has been in place since 1998.

Thank you college football corporate Gods!

Am I completely satisfied with the new proposal? No.

I would prefer to see at least 8 teams involved in the playoff. With over 120 teams I think 8 is fair. 4 seems to leave too much up to debate at the end of the year in my opinion. But it's a step in the right direction.

There will still be controversy because you will have teams who don't win their conference in the playoff (the playoff only considers the top 4 teams in the nation at the end of the season according to ranking system) but it also keeps the regular season to the utmost importance besides filling the pockets of all the old rich guys in charge of the bowls, conferences, and schools. The four teams would be selected by a committee which is suppose to consider criteria such as conference championship and strength of schedule but it's not exclusive to it.

Come to think of it the more I look at it the more pissed off I get but I shouldn't. I should just be happy that college football will finally have a playoff of some sort. But still the whole thing seems shady with the existing BCS bowls rotating games of importance and the all important National Championship game would go to the city with the highest bidder.

Basically whomever has the most money will dictate the playoff in some way. College football has always had a political feel to it so obviously that won't change. But instead of focusing on the student-athletes and the fans who all want a real playoff system in place that is not dictated by lining the pockets of the notoriously corrupt bowl system we are being given a plus one system.

But then again it's better than the shitty BCS right? Fuck. Me.

Bryce Harper Wears Our "That's A Clown Question, Bro!" T-shirt During Batting Practice

Thanks to Washington Nationals announcer F.P. Santangelo a first in SportsCrack.com history happened yesterday: an athlete wore one of our shirts during batting practice.

Bryce Harper coined the phrase "That's A Clown Question, Bro" just 7 days ago in Toronto when asked by a reporter what his beer of choice would be and yesterday he was spotted wearing our shirt during warmups.

Wednesday, Harper took the next step, wearing a T-shirt with "That's a clown question, bro" emblazoned across the front before the game against the Tampa Bay Rays, according to the Washington Post.

Thanks go out to the Washington Post's James Wagner and Dan Steinberg for giving us the heads up on Harper wearing our shirt during BP. We also want to thank Santangelo for personally delivering it to Bryce in the clubhouse who said he "loved the shirt" and now all of his teammates want one. Also HUGE thanks go out to our buddy and Natitude fanatic Adam McGinnis whom endured my pestering for a good Bryce shirt idea for weeks and delivered amazingly with the instant classic "That's A Clown Question, Bro" before it all went viral last week. Also thank you to Tommy Griffith's of Big 100.3 in DC who had us on air last week to talk about the shirt. Tommy is a good guy and you should definitely give him a listen if you like classic rock. And of course thank you to all the loyal customers and SportsCrack fanatics out there. You guys kick ass. Seriously.

Tomorrow I will be on ESPN 980 AM in DC with host Scott Jackson around 3:45 pm talking about the "That's A Clown Question Bro!" shirt. Give it a listen if you got the time in between not working like usual.

I'm still working on getting a solid picture of Bryce wearing the shirt. As soon as I receive it I will post it.

Bryce Harper's Walk Up Song is Justin Bieber's Boyfriend

That's a clown song, bro! Either Bryce Harper has a wicked sense of humor or he lost a bet and had to suffer through a Bieber ballad blasting in Nationals Park. I'm going to go with a lost bet. I think the veterans should mess with Harper and play The Doors "Alabama Song" with a clown dancing on the jumbotron. Video via DCSportsBlog

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid Used "That's A Clown Question, Bro!"

Via DCSportsBlog comes Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid using the infamous Bryce Harper quote "That's A Clown Question, Bro" less than seven days after it went viral. He's got our vote!

Kate Upton GQ Magazine Wet T-Shirt Video

I'm still waiting for the VH1 Special...Kate Upton...Behind the boobs. Anyways I've been massively busy lately with work that I haven't had time to come on here and bitch and moan about sports and for that I apologize. When I get the chance at some free time I promise I'll update it. In the meantime all you lazy fuckers go find a job so I don't have to keep paying your welfare and unemployment checks.

Love you.

Oh yeah does that skinny fucker Terry Richardson have the best job or what? He's uglier than myself which is hard to imagine yet he nails all these models and famous actresses all the time. It's so disgusting that it's actually kind of awesome.

What do you think about these GQ photos of Kate Upton Billy Bob?

Happy Father's Day

It's the Dad's Life!

That's A Clown Question Bro Remix

The Dream Team Documentary Was Worth Watching

11 Hall of Famers on one team. And then Christian Laettner. You tend to forget how great of a team "The Dream Team" was because they made it look so easy and simple when they won the 1992 Gold Medal. It's almost hard to believe it's been 20 years. Charles Barkley was skinny and still running his mouth with memorable quotes. Magic had just broken the news he had HIV. Jordan was unstoppable. Chris Mullin had his patented flat top. John Stockton had his short shorts. If you get the chance watch the whole documentary.

I love the fact that everybody hated Isiah Thomas. Nobody wanted him on the team. I could never stand Thomas when he played. He seemed like the biggest pussy out there. A bad sport through and through. Jordan and Scottie Pippen put their foot down and Thomas wasn't allowed on the team. It's the way it should have been and it made The Dream Team even more likable because Thomas was a nightmare when it comes to representing the U..S...of A.

THAT'S A CLOWN QUESTION, BRO! T-SHIRT NOW AVAILABLE

Bryce Harper said it last night. Now it's a t-shirt. Buy your shirt today! THAT'S A CLOWN QUESTION BRO! SHIRT

Mike Tyson Performs "Lebron James"

Iron Mike Tyson has the voice of an angel.

Via HotClicks

Bryce Harper Says "That's A Clown Question Bro!" To Canadian Reporter

Rookie of the year lock Bryce Harper was asked point blank in Toronto last night by a clueless reporter what his favorite beer was and Harper fired back a classic line: "THAT'S A CLOWN QUESTION BRO!"

Now that is some serious "Natitude" from the 19-year old Mormon who isn't allowed to drink. And you know what...I like it. Seriously baseball needs more guys like this. Harper hustles all the time and doesn't take shit from anybody. He's a pain in the ass for the opposition and he's the kind of player every manager or GM would want on their team. People wonder what kind of crazy numbers Josh Hamilton would have put up if he didn't chase the dragon coming out of high school and all you have to do is look at what Harper is doing right now. He's killing major league pitching at an age where he should be struggling with Double A pitching.

Harper's .944 OPS dwarfs Ken Griffey Jr's .748 when he was 19 and taking over the majors. Same with Hall of Famers Mickey Mantles (.792) and Al Kaline (.652) who both enjoyed similar success in the majors at 19. The only player I could find who put up the incredible stat lines of what Harper is projected at right now is Mel Ott (.921). Back in 1928 Ott was in his 3rd season in the bigs at the time and still the future all-time great didn't put up as good of numbers as Bryce is now.

So now a serious question: Is Bryce Harper MVP worthy? His .944 OPS has him behind current favorites Joey Votto (1.121), David Wright (1.03), Carlos Gonzalez (1.001), and Carlos Beltran (.964) but would Harper's impact on getting the Nationals to the playoffs trump all of those guys? Hard to say. Voters tend to reward veterans who get their respective team to the playoffs so you would have to think Votto and Beltran both have to be the favorites over Harper at this stage. But make no mistake if Harper continues to hustle and bash his Nationals into the playoffs for the first time a lot of voters would have to look at the 19-year-old as a serious candidate.

It would be a total clown move not to consider it.

You Knew It Was True Love When Kanye West Twitted This Kim Kardashian Picture

The former Mrs. Kris Humphries looks like she has a healthy appetite for bananas. They do provide a lot of potassium which is essential for a healthy and balanced diet. It's good to see that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West can be such great ambassadors for healthy living.