Oh how we love thee Lane Kiffin. You know it's pretty bad when even USC grads and fans are fucking embarrassed to have this dick as their head coach. While he wasn't busy enough to throw his quarterback and senior captain Matt Barkley under the bus for the loss on Saturday to Stanford he obviously doesn't have the time now to answer any more questions from the media.
Via TheBigLead via @LindseyThiry
Is Stanford a serious title contender? They lost their star QB in Andrew Luck and 3 of their offensive linemen to the NFL and still ran all over USC. Their schedule is brutal with Notre Dame and Oregon coming up but with a stingy defense and a really good running attack they could win both. I'm not a Stanford fan but I do admire how they play the game. They have toughness. They have grit. And they have the dumbest mascot in all of sports.
Great video by the way. It captures college football and it's spirit in 100 seconds. Awesome.
I'm glad Notre Dame didn't listen to all the "experts" out there who predicted the Fighting Irish didn't have a fighting chance in East Lansing vs Sparty. Well Notre Dame kicked the shit out of Sparty in every facet of the game. That is what you call a signature win on the road. The momentum should be outstanding heading into the Michigan game. The defense will want to prove that the last two seasons of Denard going ham on them in the second half was a fluke.
Heisman favorite Matt Barkley is now 0-4 vs Stanford after USC got their dicks kicked in by the Cardinal last night. You can kiss Barkley's Heisman goodbye (less than 50% completion, 0 TDs, 2 INTs) and USC BCS Title aspirations too.
Yesterday was a great day for college football. Go Irish!
That look on Herschel's face says it all. Don't mess with the greatest college running back of all-time Matt Leinart. It won't end well.
OJ was originally cast in Herschel's spot but for some reason he couldn't make it. Hmm. I wonder why?
Via LeatherHelmetBlog
I was wondering to myself if there was a less root able player than Jay "jerk face" Cutler and I think we found our answer: Josh Beckett. Jesus Christ you get paid $16 million a year you think you could hustle 90 fucking feet to first base. But no. Josh Beckett doesn't need to hustle because he mows down hitters on the mound like it's 2003. Oh wait, never mind. He sucks balls now. Have fun with that contract Dodgers.
Via BarstoolSports
This kid is just a rookie. If Derek Jeter makes this play it's shown five million times in the next 2 weeks. But Jeter isn't that heads up to make a play like this. Manny Machado is not a rookie anymore. He's a freak. Not only did he make this great play in the top of the 9th to preserve a tie game with the Rays but then he singled and scored the winning walk off run. It's September 13th and the Orioles are still tied for FIRST PLACE with the New York Yankees! 20 games to go. It's pennant fever in Baltimore.
I'm pretty sure Gary Thorne almost shit his pants when he saw Machado fake the throw. He at least had a honey fart.
Dude. That was awesome. Not only did the masked streaker accomplish his goal of streaking on his high school football field but he managed to get away. His junk just flopping everywhere, dangerously close to getting it clipped while jumping over two fences. This guy deserves a beer. SportsCrack says Bravo. Now let's please start getting women to do this. It's instant fame ladies!
This lady masturbates to a Tyler Wilson doll every night. I'm convinced. Holy shit. I feel embarrassed for the Pig Sooie Razorback hat. What did it ever do to be subjected to be on this crazy ladies head?
Just give Mike Trout the MVP, Gold Glove, and Rookie of the Year awards already.
Not the prettiest of victories but Notre Dame fan Vince Vaughn and the rest of Irish Nation will take it. 2-0. It's all that matters. Bring on Sparty.
Video via UHND.com
We got confirmation that Vaughn and Owen Wilson were tailgating like a champion yesterday. We wouldn't expect anything less from these wedding crashers. HOT ROUTE!
With the 10-6 win last night in front of a packed house full of Orange and Black in Camden Yards the Orioles are in a dead heat with the hated New York Yankees. To say this season was unexpected for this Orioles fan would be understatement. I thought they would be awful and predicted them to finish last in the AL East...again.
Luckily the players and manager Buck Showalter could give two shits about my opinion or any others when it came to predictions and have brought back "Oriole Magic."
I got chills last night in the first inning and literally lost my voice screaming when Wieters hit this 3 run pop fly over the left field fence. Oriole Park was again rocking. It's been too long. 15 years to be exact since the Orioles were in contention in September. And now I don't want to wake up.
This has been the dream season. A cast of unheralded castoffs from other clubs and unproven young players have carried them all season to go along with the best bullpen in the majors. Hopefully last night was just a preview of things to come for the Orioles and their home crowds with people coming out in full force to support a team that deserves everything they get.
Yeah I know this happened 5 days ago but fuck off. How often do you see a 6'6 300 pound defensive lineman like Stephon Tuitt run 77 yards away from the QB and RB? You wanna talk about fast wheels, Notre Dame's Tuitt has Pirellis. I'm still hoarse from shouting his name at the game and I still have some pee stains from the excitement. Gotta love college football!
I fucking knew it! ESPN's John Clayton is a Slayer fan. So obvious.
Via The Big Lead
Line drive to the back of the head coming at you at about 110 mph. No big deal. Baseball players are tough. If this was a soccer player they would have already had his eulogy printed out on the mound. A's pitcher Brandon McCarthy will be fine. If he wants to take off the rest of the season he should probably do that considering the A's are tied with my Orioles for the Wild Card. It would be best for his health and my heart.
Via TheBigLead
I guess I should have warned you about some of the pictures of former LSU free safety Chad Jones leg after he got into a severe car accident. Shit looked like an italian sausage bursting out of the casing on a hot grill. Forget about eating lunch today. I think we all got a new athlete to root for this fall to get better and make his dream come true of playing in the NFL.
So America's only worthless male tennis player from the past decade retired yesterday after losing in the US Open. Some guy named Andy Roddick. You may have heard of him because he is married to actress/swimsuit model/fledging boner producer Brooklyn Decker. In honor of Roddick's career I felt it necessary to stare at his wife a little longer today. Brooklyn would want that. I smell divorce in 3, 2, 1....
The Washington Nationals are the best team in baseball. Seriously. Look at their record. 84 wins. 52 losses. And finally their best player is heating up as teenage phenom Bryce Harper went deep twice last night vs the hapless Cubs. His two bombs gave him 17 for the season, moving him past Ken Griffey Jr. and now only trails Mel Ott (18) and Tony Conigliaro (24) for most homers in a single season by a teenager. The Nats don't need Harper to perform Superman feats to make the playoffs but if they are going to win the whole thing this October they expect Harper to be their Babe Ruth.
After watching his two laser beam shots last night it wouldn't surprise me if Harper goes above and beyond and carries the Nats on his back the last month. He's that good and he's not clowning around.
Wow what an incredible day! So honored to be the NL pitcher of the month! But finding out my unborn child has a wiener was the best part!
— Kris Medlen (@KrisMedlen54) September 4, 2012
Hey lookie lookie suspended tailback Cierre Wood makes an appearance. All kidding aside you can tell this Notre Dame squad gets along pretty good. If they can get this pysched up for trick shot Monday I can only imagine how amped they are going to be this Saturday when they run out of the tunnel at home for the first time against Purdue. Right now Notre Dame is a 14 point favorite at home following an easy cover of 14.5 last week vs Navy. I don't bet on the Irish but if I did I would heavily favor them covering against Purdue. Last year they won by 28 in West Lafayette with a suspect QB. This year they have Everett Golson and a much better squad. You do the math.
I've never had Carlton Draught but after seeing this epic commercial there is little doubt it will be wetting my palate this week. Plus I've had so many Guinness Draughts the past 5 days in Dublin that my stool looks like that black tar baby shit you get from newborns. The 80's montage music is the tits by the way.
Ruh roh. Forget about Hurricane Isaac. Hurricane SportsCrack is about to invade Ireland. It's going to get ugly no doubt. No one will be spared.
I'm about to board a flight with my Dad to the Motherland. Many of pints will be consumed. Golf clubs will be swung..badly. And of course we will be watching the "Fighting Irish" of Notre Dame destroy the Naval Academy on Saturday.
There will be no shipping of our kick ass SportsCrack shirts between August 29th-September 2nd. So please don't email me, call me, or ask me where your shirt is. I'm on vacation bitches! And the only thing I'm worried about is my liver surviving on "MY ISLAND." When I get back everything will be back to normal...translation I will be back and drinking on the job as usual.
Peace and Go Irish!
I tell you kids these days have no respect. Los Angeles Dodgers announcer Vin Scully is a living legend. And yet this little hussy challenges him to "get his shit together." Obviously his shit is in his diaper. Seriously where is the respect?
Those close to Seau also said he had trouble sleeping for years and did not always take the sleep aids as directed. Nancy Emsley, who often worked out with Seau at a local gym, said she lectured Seau that he needed to sleep for eight hours after taking one. “He just rolled his eyes,” she said.
...a dog getting electrocuted? I don't know about you but I think a bunch of dogs getting electrocuted probably hurts worse than a hit to the ribs. But yeah Michael Vick is a guy to root for.
Don't worry Philly or Vick fans. He will be fine. Just some bruised ribs. He's got a whole season left to let you down.
Typical woman driver. Blaming everyone else for their fuck up. Get back in the kitchen Danica.
First off I will admit I'm not the biggest fan of these new Notre Dame "Shamrock Series" uniforms. They look kind of like Michigan's uniforms. The jerseys aren't that bad. But the helmet is...well...two sided. I don't get it. I don't mind the leprechaun on the helmet and I actually think it looks good with the navy helmet but they should have put it on both sides and made the helmet all navy. The leprechaun is reversed on the left side which throws me off. I've never seen the Fighting Irish guy facing to the left. But you know what? It's honestly not that big of a deal. It's a fucking uniform. As long as they keep their colors in it (navy, gold, white, and green) then it's cool. Plus it's only for one game and Notre Dame is going to be the shit out of Miami with them on so I'm cool with it. Just win baby!
Pretty cool commercial for the second fastest man in the world according to Denard Robinson.
Via Darren Rovell
1994 Chevy Suburban driven by Cal Ripken Jr. for several years during his legendary career. The vehicle was driven by Cal to Oriole Park the historic nights he tied and broke Lou Gehrig’s consecutive games played record, September 5 & 6, 1995. Ripken also drove the Suburban to Orioles post-season games in 1996 and 1997.
29% of all perfect games in MLB history have happened in the last 3 seasons. It should be higher if Armando Galarraga didn't get robbed by umpire Jim Joyce. So what does it all mean? I guess steroids do actually work for hitters.
Congratulations go out to Felix Hernandez on the perfect game. He should thank his defense. They made a lot of clutch plays to keep the perfecto intact. 27 up. 27 down. Amazing.
A millisecond too late and Randy Choate would be in a hospital right now suffering from hamburger face. Just a beautiful glove save here. Marty Brodeur has nothing on Choate.
Via HotClicks
The world is a better place with this "Baby Got Back" song edited with clips from 295 films. It put a smile on my face. Hope it worked for you too.
Talk about scaling a wall. Toronto Blue Jays outfielder Rajai Davis pulled some SpiderMan shit with this spectacular grab to rob the Yankees Casey McGehee of a home run.
I don't care who you are a fan of if this video doesn't get you hyped up for college football then just leave already. Vanderbilt head coach James Franklin rewards the dedication and hard work of walk-on Mark Panu with a full scholarship in front of his teammates. Awesome. Now I get an idea of why Franklin has been stealing recruits from the likes of Tennessee.
Via TheBigLead
Don't even lie. You laughed your ass off. "Can I jam my privates in your privates" is going to be the new hit song of the summer. Forget about that Gotye song or "Call Me Maybe" because this shit is going to be played at every club, party, ball game, bar mitzah for the next 6 months.
Via BarStoolSports
Gymnast McKayla Maroney is on a rampage in England. She's doing the Dougie on top of those famous double decker buses while being whisked around London. Be afraid London. Be very afraid. We might steal your balding Prince.
"Manny can be a plus and help the team," Orioles executive vice president of baseball operations Dan Duquette said. "The kid has a lot ot talent. It sounds like Buck will play him at third base."
I know all of you are concerned about Yankees pitcher Cody Eppley. He's going to be ok. Just a little boo boo on his noggin from taking one from teammate Eric Chavez last night. The mental anguish might not be enough for Eppley to handle though so I've been told he is suing Rawlings for making the ball, Detroit for building a baseball stadium with inadequate warning signs for thrown balls, and every fan in the stands including the commentators for not alerting him of the dangers of a baseball thrown from a teammate. Hey it's the American way right? Let's blame others because it's so much easier. It's what God would want.
/mulls over lawsuit vs Busch Light for explosive bloody diarrhea.
Sign this fucker up Wheaties! Germany's Stephan Feck went above and beyond the call of duty with this classic dive. Years from now, shit maybe days from now, nobody will even remember who won the men's springboard 3m dive but they sure as shit will remember this classic fuck up by Feck. I'm thinking this dive left a mark.
Via TheBigLead
Coming to a theater in 2013...the newest and latest and even more boring part of the Twilight Series comes...The Trampire! Watch how a young starlet caves to the temptations of an older married man with kids. Sounds epic.
I know that head coach Brian Kelly likes to run an up-tempo offense that gets the ball into the endzone as quickly as possible but I think for the Fighting Irish to be successful under redshirt freshman QB Everett Golson they need to slow things down for at least the beginning of the season.
With relatively easy games against Navy and Purdue to start off the season my hope would be Kelly will run a scaled down offense with about 10-15 plays that Golson can execute flawlessly. This isn't the NFL we are talking about. Auburn ran about 10 plays when they rode Cam Newton all the way to a BCS Title and their defense wasn't that strong. Now granted Cam is a freak and Golson is not the same talent but if you look at the weapons around Golson (Cierre Wood, Theo Riddick, GA3, Tyler Eifert, and a veteran offensive line returning) he should be able to get the ball into his playmaker's hands if they don't make the offense too complicated for a first year starter.
Personally I think Golson is going to be a star. He's got all the intangibles and talent to be the most successful Notre Dame quarterback since Tony Rice was behind center. But you got to ease kids into starting roles and obviously that is no easy task especially as the quarterback at a school like Notre Dame. The Irish should be able to run the ball with Wood, Riddick, GA3, and transfer Amir Carlisle all coming back who know how to do all the little things to help protect a QB even when they aren't getting the ball.
If Notre Dame can keep the offense simple and keep Golson healthy they can win 9-10 games this year despite the brutal schedule. It's up to Kelly to have these kids prepared and I think he along with the fan base have to be patient with the development of Golson. Golson for better or worse is the golden egg. No need to break it before it's ready.
Less than 4 weeks till college football kicks off. But yeah this was a great play by Reds shortstop Zack Cozart. Did I mention college football is less than 28 days away? America. Fuck yeah!
My wife would kill me if I ever pulled this shit on here. But yeah it would so be worth the laughs.
Via HotClicks
First Ichiro in a Yankees uniform and now the notoriously sluggish Melky Cabrera making an effort to catch a ball in foul territory...what fucking planet am I on right now? Am I dead? I'm going to need a drink or 20 after watching this.
I'm going to be completely honest here and don't judge me too harshly. I had no clue that fighting was allowed in lacrosse. Yeah I know I'm originally from Maryland but shit I just never knew fisticuffs were allowed like hockey. I'm definitely going to try to pay less attention to it in the future. See what I did there.
Have I been transported to some alternate universe? It just seems so bizarre to see Ichiro in anything but a Seattle Mariners uniform. I'm getting a little dizzy just looking at him. The future Hall of Famer is on the tail end of his career and is easily having his worst season at the age of 38 since coming over from Japan but I have a good feeling he will be rejuvenated playing in the Bronx...or the Yankees will just go out and get another dinosaur of a contract to play for them.
I'm not positive but I think Dean Young might need a new spine after this incredible take out by Greg Inglis. Inglis' hit was so vicious the first time I watched it I believe I had a little bit of piss trickling down my leg. Absolutely terrifying blow by Inglis. Awesome. But yeah I hope Young isn't on a feeding tube or anything because that would totally suck.
Via TheBigLead
What the fuck were the Knicks thinking? They just let their most marketable player since...well...ever...just leave for $6 million dollars extra that the Houston Rockets were willing to pay. Fucking stupid if you ask me. Now maybe Jeremy Lin is a flash in the pan but at least he keeps people talking about your team and sells tickets, gets television viewership, and sells merchandise. He's like Tim Tebow without the virginity cloud glooming over his head.
If you don't like Gotye's "Somebody That I Used To Know" song then you probably hate this parody. I actually like the song even though it's been played 25.6 billion times in the last 24 hours on the radio. Thus I love this parody song. Well done my friends. Now let's figure out a way to get Lin back on the Knicks so I don't have to ship all these leftover Linsanity shirts to all the poor college grads out there. You thought I was going to say Haiti weren't you?
Video via ThePostGame
Yes we are literally counting down the seconds till football starts but since we still got another 5 weeks till the real thing I give you this highlight from America's Hat: Canada. You don't see many 129 yard missed field goal returns for touchdowns around these parts but that is exactly what Tristan Jackson did last week for the Saskatchewan Roughriders.
Via HotClicks
Does Delonte West still play? Just wondering out loud because if he isn't still banging Lebron's mom while getting the ball in the hoop on the court then he definitely has a promising career as a Major League outfielder. Look at that gun! Bryce Harper and Mike Trout have nothing on Delonte in terms of arm strength.
Via TheBigLead
I forgot to mention Roger Federer winning his record tying 7th Wimbledon the other day because...well...he's so fucking boring. Federer is the greatest men's tennis player but like Pete Sampras before him he's got the personality of a dolt. It's probably the main reason why tennis viewership and interest in the United States has steadily declined the last two decades. More people were excited and heartbroken to see runner up Andy Murray cry like a spoiled 5 year old who got his favorite stuffed animal taken away then see Federer hold another Wimbledon Trophy. Tennis could be so much more exciting if all the rich white people in attendance just got drunk like they do at baseball and football games.
I can listen to these rednecks scream all day. "OH SHIT...JESUS CHRIST...IT'S A SHARK....IT'S A SHARK!!!....IT'S A BIG ASS SHARK!!!!"
Then the guy acts like his girl can just reel in the shark. Priceless.
After watching Chipper Jones give this inspiring speech to his fellow NL All-Star teammates I have to wonder how there is not already a bronze statue in the clubhouse. This speech will go down with the Tebow speech at Florida and the "Win one For The Gipper" speech from some unknown football coach at a tiny Jewish school in lower Michigan. I literally had tears flowing while listening to Chipper mumbling to his teammates who pretended to care that this was his final All-Star game. This speech just makes me one go out and.... take a nap.
By the way this is one of the reasons why baseball coaches are overrated at the MLB level. You can't give inspiring speeches to ballplayers. It just doesn't work. Sure I can see it working in football or basketball where a player can take over a game but in baseball it's rare unless it's the pitcher. And even they could care less about it being your last game. You think Matt Cain threw better last night because of Chipper's speech?
Good for Bob Kraft. Instead of wallowing in self pity over the death of his beloved wife, Myra, last July after a battle with cancer he is out banging a 32-year-old "actress" named Ricki Noel Lander.
Kraft is 71 so it's not weird at all for Ricki to be dating a guy who is old enough to be her grandfather. The rumor is this audition tape is for a new Vince Vaughn film called "Internship" which is actually be filmed here in Atlanta.
You gotta love Kraft's acting chops. He had me totally convinced the whole time he was some lonely old man at a strip club trying to pick up a trick. It's almost like he went undercover to study the role.
Video via Barstool Sports
So Old Milwaukee still tastes like shit and does steroids? Fantastic. Can't wait to try it again.
I honestly can't remember the last time I watched David Letterman. Probably late 90's if not earlier. Which makes me wonder if any of these MLB All-Stars actually know who David Letterman is. Jared Weaver looked lost, high, or whatever with that "happening mullet."
Via ExtraMustard
Yeah not scary at all. Now excuse me while I go wipe the piss off my leg.
According to Athens-Clarke police spokesperson Hilda Sorrow, Crowell was arrested as the result of as “vehicle check-point stop” — a road block — on East Campus Road at Green Street at 2:20 a.m. Friday. Officer Kristin Thornton reported smelling the odor of marijuana in Crowell’s 2005 Mercury Grand Marquis. Crowell gave consent to search the vehicle, himself and four other unnamed occupants. No marijuana was discovered but a 9-mm Luger handgun with an altered serial number was found under the driver’s seat. Crowell was immediately arrested and taken to jail and the car was impounded.
Yes that would be a concern for any NBA team. You can't just take a guy like Ohio State forward Jared Sullinger if he suffers from a bad case of bulging dicks.
Defense wins championships right? It's hard to argue with it last year when two of the best defenses in the nation in Alabama and LSU squared off for the BCS Championship. Of course we will conveniently ignore the year before when Auburn and Oregon both had average defenses yet competed for the crystal ball. Just the thought of all these guys playing on the same defense made Matt Barkley shit his pants.
Even though 20-year old Angels outfielder Mike Trout wasn't recalled from the minors until April 28th he still leads the American League with a .344 batting average and 21 stolen bases. Everybody is talking about Bryce Harper and for good reason but why is the national media "clown"ing Trout and not giving him the props he deserves?
Last year Trout was the #1 rated prospect in baseball. He also was a first round draft pick but unlike Harper he went late in the first. There are at least 20 teams kicking themselves in the ass for passing up the high flying Trout.
Trout is another old school player much like Harper. He hustles. All the time. He's also fearless when it comes to defense. And by judging from last night's amazing rob of a JJ Hardy home run Trout's stock will continue to swim upstream with the leather.
So if you had just one player to start a MLB franchise with who are you taking: Trout or Harper?
Let me guess. Rudy Giuliani gave DeWayne Wise the key to the city for another classic cheating moment. The Yankees always reward behavior like this. Right after this play one of the Steinbrenners kids gave umpire John Hannahan a lifetime suite for botching such an easy call. Hey dipshit why don't you actually look in Wise glove to see if... get this...the actual ball is in there? I know it's totally ridiculous to question a guy in the pinstripes in New York but you might want to do your job correctly.
