I'm not even going to lie. If I was still in high school or college my ass would be applying to Florida Gulf Coast in a heartbeat. Beachfront views with honeys hanging out in bikinis studying? Um, yes please!
The ball is now in your court Kate Upton because make no mistake model Emily Ratajkowski just took over the internet with this blazing NSFW music video. Never mind the horrible song or Robin Thicke claiming he has a big cock (clearly he does if he has Emily frolicking around naked) Emily has planted her flag right on the internet's 50 yard line claiming it as her own. So the question now is what can Kate Upton do to reclaim her internet title for hottest girl on the planet? This is on par when Michael Jordan entered the NBA and told Magic and Bird to go fuck themselves.
Emily is the new queen of the internet. You still have doubts? Hahaha. Check out this Carl Jr's commercial.
Game. Set. Match.
First round lock. Some team will fall in love with Manti Te'o. He won't go in the first 15 picks but I think either the Giants or the Bears get him in the 19-20 range. They both need middle linebackers. If they decide to skip out on Manti no way he lasts past the Vikings who have the 23rd and 25th pick.
Admit it... you had never heard of FGCU four days ago. And now Florida Gulf Coast is the first ever 15th seed to make it to the Sweet 16 with all those alley-oops. These kids make it fun to watch college basketball. Dunk City indeed.
In typical Sergio Garcia fashion he takes 20 practice swings before he finally hits the ball back into play on the 10th hole of the Arnold Palmer Invitational. One-handed mind you.
I hope DeAndre Jordan left some change on Brandon Knight's nightstand after that pile driver of a dunk last night. At least be a gentleman about it.
I don't think there could be anything worst in sports than taking a puck to the face like the New York Rangers Marc Staal did last night vs the Philadelphia Flyers. It's got to be worse than taking a high fastball because the puck is much more solid, cold, and it has edges. Rihanna was in the stands and laughed off Staal's theatrics after the blow while muttering "Not so fun is it pussy?"
So Josh Smith wants a max contract eh? Sounds good. I also want to go balls deep in Kate Upton but guess what? It isn't happening. Not now. Not in the future. Not ever. Trust me because every time I remove the duct tape from Kate's mouth she insists on screaming and crying. I can't stand crying. Such a turnoff.
In other words Kobe Bryant still has it and Josh Smith will never get it.
One thing I love about athletes, or in this case golfers, are ones that don't take themselves too seriously. You're playing a sport not solving the national debt crisis. Have some fun while you are making millions right? Well clearly the Golf Boys are having a great time. Whether it be "Flat Bills" Rickie Fowler, Bubba "Button Up" Watson, Hunter "Grizzly Beard" Mahan, or Ben "Going Insane Kaw-Kaw" Crane you know these guys are not uptight pricks like Tiger and Phil.
Apparently Rory couldn't make an appearance in the video. He was too busy nursing his "tooth ache" while quitting in the middle of a round. That's a bitch move Rory. Go eat some Lucky Charms and tighten that shit up.
Via Ben Crane
I've seen a lot in my 34 years in baseball (yes I'm old, fuck off) but this is a first. NC State centerfielder Brett Williams did a flip while diving for a catch in left centerfield vs New Mexico State. Luckily the ball didn't get lodged in his blowhole.
She can cheer for my team any day. I love the bros just sitting in the stands acting like it's no big deal. Like somehow they have seen this shit before.
I can't believe I missed this while slugging Red Stripes and chowing down jerk chicken and lobster down in Jamaica. Maryland students did a flash mob and the simply awful Harlem Shake before their basketball team helped seal the deal on a tourney bid with a 83-81 victory over hated Duke. While Scott Van Pelt was texting/twittering/whatever in front of the kids in suits I was piss drunk relaxing in the Caribbean on a beach. WTF was I thinking?
No shit I laughed out loud so badly I started tearing up at this poor dumb asshole. Just the sheer agony of screams after the body slam are priceless. When they are pulling out the pricks on his back it was like somebody recorded me down in Miami last month while watching Notre Dame getting throttled by Bama. "It fucking hurts man." Yeah it does.
Via TheBigLead
Big props go to the coaching staffs at Notre Dame, Alabama, Ole Miss, Ohio State, Florida, and LSU for closing strong on National Signing Day. They deserve coffee.
Yeah I would be saying the same exact thing after winning the Super Bowl, claiming the MVP trophy, and now a shiny new $100 million plus contract waiting to be signed. Fucking awesome indeed Mr. Flacco.
Just a great venue to hold the Super Bowl. I'm actually surprised the SuperDome didn't collapse into itself with Bane coming out saying "LET THE GAMES BEGIN!"
Congratulations go out to the Baltimore Ravens for winning their second Super Bowl in stirring fashion over the San Francisco 49ers 34-31. But who gives a shit about some dumb football game right? Let's take a look at what really is important: the best Super Bowl commercials.
My personal favorite is this Old Milwaukee commercial. It's a classic love story between Will Ferrell and some old Asian lady making out in a bus. Brings a tear to my eye.
My second favorite is the Taco Bell Viva Young commercial. Nothing beats seeing old people get fucked up while going for a late night romp at Taco Bell. Live Mas indeed.
And of course my third favorite is this instant classic Go Daddy commercial. Supermodel Bar Rafaeli making out with some tech nerd. Yummy.
The award for the "cutest" Super Bowl commercial goes to Kia's Space Babies. And by cute I mean the one commercial where all the girls in the room go "AAAWWWW!"
My bad. Somehow I completely forgot the Dikembe Mutombo Geico commercial.
True story: Mutombo works out at the same gym I go to. He comes in with full suit. Changes into workout clothes. Then changes back to full suit and leaves with suitcase every time. Fucking weird right?
Um, where the hell is the bikini and who in their right god damn mind decided it would be funny to put kids in football jerseys washing the car?
No wonder nobody drives Mercedes anymore. Even Kia can make a sexier commercial.
The son of the Big Dog threw down this nasty 360-degree dunk last night vs the Golden Gophers. It was glorious as you can see. More glorious than his Dad who likes to hit the pubs in my neck of the woods with his knee high NBA white socks while driving his Maserati? Not quite.
Video via TheBigLead
Yep. Totally believable. I know it's not cool to make fun of Manti Te'o right now because we have to try to remember that a girl that never existed is dead. It's sad. Te'o was clearly the victim of a "Catfish" scheme which before today I had never heard of. Today the internet clearly won as Te'o's fake girlfriend crashed Twitter and Facebook. And people still want to say Notre Dame isn't relevant. When it comes to dead fake girlfriends clearly nobody, and I mean nobody, beats Notre Dame.
Here is a picture of Manti hugging his dead fake girlfriend.
Nothing to see here folks. It looks like they are taking it perfectly well.
Well it was good knowing you Ducks.
/BCS Bowl Committee
I still can't believe this season is done. No more college football for another 180 days. What the fuck am I suppose to do between now and then? Talk to my family? I don't even know their names. I think I called my brother Manti a few times over Christmas break. I'm not even shitting you.
Oh well I guess we got National Signing Day in February to look forward to and then the spring football games and what not. 2012 was a great year for this college football fan. I got to watch my team finally compete for their first National Title in over 20 years. Yeah they got their asses kicked down in Miami but it still won't take away the memories of a great and special season by the Fighting Irish.
You know college football is your favorite sport when you just stop watching ESPN after the season is officially over. I have almost zero interest in college basketball and the NBA right now. I couldn't tell you shit about either because I've literally watched maybe two hours of basketball all season (and that was the Maryland vs Kentucky game to tip off the season). There is just no sport that matches up with the excitement of college football. Thank God my Atlanta Falcons won last week or I wouldn't even be watching the NFL right now. I'm just happy the Dirty Birds won a playoff game and got that enormous monkey off of Mike Smith and Matty Ice's back. I guess it's not all that depressing when you think about it but it still feels like you are settling for a side piece in the NFL instead of being with your true love in college football.
Here are my top 10 teams going into the 2013 season:
1. Bama - Duh! They got McCarron back along with the greatest football coach of my generation in Nick Saban and they will simply reload.
2. ND - 15 starters back including a freshman QB in Everett Golson who I thought played great in the BCS Championship. The defense should again be solid with Nix and Tuitt up front and the schedule looks less daunting. It also helps that Brian Kelly didn't ditch them.
3. Oregon - Oregon is in the same boat as ND. The Quack Attack get their coach back along with a freshman QB in Marioti who continued to get better. Stanford will be their only true test again. EDIT: Nevermind Chip Kelly is going to Philly to take the Iggles job.
4. Stanford - Holy shit have they built an elite program or what? 3 straight BCS berths and 12 win seasons makes them legitimate contenders for a title in 2013. People tend to forget they won the PAC-12 last year and not Oregon.
5. South Carolina - Connor Shaw, Jadaveon Clowney and Steve Spurrier all return to Columbia. The schedule won't be as tough as last season either.
6. Texas A&M - Johnny Football and Kevin Sumlin had a storybook first season in the SEC. The former middle of the pack Big 12 team will have a giant bullseye on them this season though. Can Johnny Heisman avoid the sophomore slump?
7. Ohio State - They got a great QB in Braxton Miller and a great coach in Urban Meyer. Plus their schedule is fucking garbage so they have a legit shot at going undefeated...again.
8. Louisville - I know it's only one game and you shouldn't just a team by it but the way Teddy Bridgewater scorch earthed the Gators defense was simply too hard to ignore. Charlie Strong is building a juggernaut up there in Louisville.
9. Oklahoma - Getting rid of Landry Jones makes them better in my opinion. I don't think the Sooners are that great but I wouldn't be shocked to see Blake Bell put up a Tebowesque season for the Norman faithful.
10. Georgia - Aaron Murray is back along with 9 other starters on the offensive side of the ball that should again put up a ton of points. The defense was already a liability and now losing all their studs to the NFL won't help causes with a schedule much tougher than the past 2 seasons.
This new Tiger vs Rory Nike commercial brings back memories of the McDonald's Jordan vs Bird commercial back in the early 90's. They titled this one "No Cup is Safe" but a more appropriate one in my opinion should have been "No Hole is Safe" especially when it comes to Tiger. You could have had Tiger's former mistresses all around the world receiving hole-in-ones. Nike needs to think outside of the box. Or in this case inside the box.
Via Kegs N Eggs comes every Johnny Football's touchdown this season in eight minutes. The Heisman winner had a storybook season and now he gets to enjoy his offseason with scores of coeds.
I think I just pissed blood after seeing this hit. Good lord Jadeveon Clowney just threw in his hat for the Heisman Trophy frontrunner for 2013. Of course he won't win it because defensive players aren't allowed to win it but I think there will be little doubt Clowney is the top returning player in 2013.
That does it for me. Manti Te'o has my Heisman vote. Granted I don't have a vote and the Heisman Trust people object to me even mentioning their award. But fuck them. Te'o for Heisman!
"First down...second down...third down...PUNT!"
Via Dave
Yes the Jaguars are good at something and it has nothing to do within the football lines. Just outside of them you can see the true talent of Jacksonville shine.
Via TheBigLead
Do I agree that Northern Illinois should be in a BCS Bowl over teams like Oklahoma, Georgia, Clemson, South Carolina, and LSU? No. Those teams are clearly better than Northern Illinois. But I don't want to hear those teams fans bitch about going to a lesser bowl because at the end of the day you have nobody to blame but yourselves. If you win your conference or only lose one game all season then you make it. You didn't. So don't be mad at Northern Illinois. Be mad at your team for not finishing their business.
By the way this is yet another reason why I love college football. The reaction by Northern Illinois is straight joy. Gotta love the passion.
Video via TheBigLead
@sportscrack pretty sweet shirt!! Might need to get a few of those🍀
— Jimmy Clausen (@JimmyClausen) December 3, 2012
12-0. #1 in the nation in both graduation rates and on the football field. Notre Dame is the pinnacle of everything that is right with college football. An elite academic institution that has proven you can win on and off the field by playing the right way and not cutting corners.
Go Irish!
I would fight this drunk too. Did you see that pathetic excuse for a Johnny Football shirt? Good lord have some decency. You are embarrassing yourself with that garbage t-shirt. You are lucky you didn't get tasered to death for having an awful sense of fashion. Next time get the original and the best...
Hahahaha. I can almost taste his tears. Just a complete meltdown while playing Call of Duty. You know this Bama fan is still quivering inside his Mom's basement while pulling his hair out and muttering "Johnny Football." The Aggies, a middle of the road Big 12 team the past 15 years, just wanted to thank Bama for their warm welcome to the mighty SEC Conference. Manziel sends his love for the gracious hospitality.
In some dark alley Tyrone Prothro is shaking his head while sobbing into his old torn up Bama jersey "I could have been All-American!"
Brittney Palmer is an UFC Octagon Girl which means she "entertains" the crowd between rounds of guys fighting each other in skin tight shorts which isn't gay at all by the way. Essentially she holds a sign up saying what round it is. That takes talent people. And as you can see she has plenty of it.
Via TheBigLead
Just remember everybody....your vote in the grand scheme of things doesn't mean shit. But yeah have a good voting day!
Down 20-6 in the fourth quarter to an unranked Pitt team, Notre Dame freshman QB Everett Golson pulled the improbable and led the Fighting Irish to a 29-26 triple overtime victory to keep ND undefeated.
With the close win ND dropped to 4th in the BCS standings with Oregon moving up to 3rd after a win at USC. #1 remains the same with Alabama pulling off another improbable win on the road at Death Valley with a last minute win after some questionable calls by LSU head coach Les Miles. KState remains at #2 with another decisive victory over Okie State. The game did have some consequences though with Heisman frontrunner Collin Klein going down with a concussion. Will he play this week vs TCU? That remains to be seen.
With only a month left to go we have 4 undefeated major power teams who could all make an argument for being in the BCS Title game. Two would be left out and would likely play each other in the Rose Bowl. If that is the case we might be looking at our first split National Title since 2003.
How can you not roof for the Colts after seeing Indianapolis head coach Chuck Pagano give this inspiring speech to his players after a hard fought victory over the Miami Dolphins while still battling leukemia? We here at SportsCrack have nothing but respect to Pagano and we hope he finds a way to beat the deadly disease. Today we should all be ChuckStrong!
It's gotta be hard to vote for a guy who gets engaged to a girl before even delivering a first kiss right? I don't even understand it. KState QB Collin Klein should be running mad game all around Manhattan while spraying his purple rain on coeds yet here he is fucking married. Stupid. What a waste of talent. I'm not a very religious person but I'm pretty sure God gave you the bat and two balls so you could fucking use it and not hide in your locker while you heard "voices" in your head telling you to marry this person. That's not the Lord buddy. It's called your nuts. I'm not saying he should go all Travis Henry and start impregnating all of North America but you should at least be able to enjoy your success. God didn't give you a #1 Heisman leader campaign to piss it away by being a pussy. But hey, to each their own Tebow Jr. I guess his teammates get to enjoy themselves with all the lonely leftovers because Klein is too scared to kiss a girl in fear of God throwing down a thunderbolt on his pansy ass.Klein's faith is out front, along with his chin that has led the way during 492 career runs. In a Kansas State-produced story that appeared in a game program, Klein said he was told by the Lord he would marry K-State women's basketball player Shalin Spani. The daughter of former KSU football great Gary Spani said she heard "a voice in my head" independently that told her she would marry Klein.They became engaged before they formally had a first date. That first kiss came on the altar July 21, fulfilling a promise Klein made to himself at age 14. His first kiss would not come until then."Yes," Spani was quoted saying about their courtship, "it's unusual."
I love this shit. It doesn't get any funnier than Kyrie Irving and Kevin Love dressing up as old people and fooling a bunch of paid actors and extras who are conveniently drinking Pepsi Max in pickup basketball. Priceless and brilliant.
Well played David Stern. Well played. After this he retired to his private suite where he kicked puppies and kittens and lit up his stogie with burning Franklins.
Via TheBigLead
Excellent form by the Dad on the take down. He even caused the fumble. He must have watched Jarvis Jones highlights vs Florida.
Via BarstoolSports
Seriously how do you take a third strike right down the middle to end the game? Come on Miggy. I thought you were the greatest player ever to win the Triple Crown? Sick pitch by Sergio Romo to give the SF Giants their 2nd World Series title in 3 years. M-V-Panda took home the hardware after his 3 bombs in Game 1. I thought the Giants would win in 5 games but clearly I was wrong. The Tigers just couldn't hit their pitching and the Giants finished off the sweep rather easily. To be honest I didn't watch more than 20 minutes of the World Series. I love playing baseball but once my Orioles and Braves are out of it I just can't make myself watch it.
Anyways congrats to the Giants. They deserved it. And as long as the Yankees don't win a nation can rejoice.
I gotta admit I was kind of hoping Lee Corso would point the gun at Desmond Howard. Just kidding. Not really. Yep, the media was right. Notre Dame didn't have a shot at going into Norman and beating the almighty Oklahoma Sooners. It made perfect sense too when Notre Dame entered the game undefeated with an all-time record of 8-1 vs the Sooners. Nobody could have predicted Notre Dame would come in and dominate Oklahoma 30-13 right? Oh wait. Yeah we did. So what's going to be the excuse now for all the ND haters out there? Oklahoma is overrated? Notre Dame hasn't played anybody good? Just keep on doubting the Irish. It just makes you look smarter.
NC State made the fatal mistake of kicking it to Gio Bernard with less than 30 seconds left in the game. Bernard took the slight in coaching and took it to the house. By the way those chrome foot print helmets UNC was rocking are fantastic.
Chris Cooley is back with the Redskins, happier than ever (having Robert Griffin III replace Rex Grossman will ward off any ill feelings about being released) after the Skins re-signed him following Fred Davis injury.
But the new contract didn't come easy. Apparently there were some heated negotiations about ... beer.
"Literally, I have text correspondence trying to negotiate a case of beer into my contract," Cooley said, via the Washington Post's Dan Steinberg. "They wouldn't do it. I wanted it in writing so much."Slow golf clap for one Mr. Cooley. I wonder what brand of beer though? Cooley looks more like a Natty Light guy to me than a pretentious MicroBrew guy. I'm both of those guys by the way. Or as some have labeled me including my sponsor "an alcoholic."
The funniest thing about this ESPN First Take foul mouthed gaffe by Stephen A Smith is that if a white person said it they would be immediately fired and Jesse Jackson would be protesting in front of ESPN's headquarters in Bristol, CT for racism. But nope. Nothing will happen to Smith. Black people just don't know how good they have it.*
By the way Smith is denying he ever used the N word. Don't believe me? Well here is his denial.
Stand up guy right?
Via Huffington Post
*joke in case there are some people who actually take this blog seriously.
Remember the All-Star game when Kung Fu Panda rocked a triple off Justin Verlander? Well last night he added to his resume with two long balls off the reigning AL MVP on his way to a World Series record 3 bombs to join the likes of Babe Ruth, Reggie Jackson, and Albert Pujols. Say what you want about Verlander as he is probably the best starting pitcher in the game but please stop comparing him to Bob Gibson. Gibson was a big time clutch pitcher. Verlander clearly is not. For some reason Verlander doesn't pitch well in the postseason. With Sandoval heating up and the Giants dominant pitching including their bullpen I think the Giants win it in 5 games.
How can you not root for a kid like Manti Te'o? Yes I am a Notre Dame homer but this kid has to go down as one of the best ever to run out of that tunnel to the hollowed grounds of Notre Dame. As good as he is on the field he is by all accounts a better person off of it. The Heisman Trophy is suppose to go the most outstanding college football player in the nation who also exemplifies character. Te'o is the best player in college football right now. At the very least he deserves to get an invite to New York City as one of the finalists. He's the ultimate leader and teammate and decided to bypass the millions from the NFL to finish what he started at Notre Dame. And he is the best player on the field on any given Saturday. HE IS MANti.
I saw this on Jimmy Kimmel last night and I could not stop laughing. It's like watching fat people porn. Without the fatties and the flour of course.
This season so far has been a dream come true for Notre Dame. Even the players are getting into it on Facebook. 6-0. #4 in the BCS. This is what it will do to you!
This was way better than the MLB version. The Clemson and BYU ones cracked me up.
This Nun is clearly an Alex Rodriguez fan. Just stealing and acting like it's no big deal.
Via ExtraMustard
I feel bad to admit this but I missed the whole last season of The League. It's one of the best comedies out there besides the Chicago Cubs and yet fatherhood and a nightly drinking habit kept me away. Well fuck that. It's time to get my Shiva Bowl on! In terms of comedies where would you rank it?
Here are mine. And like a Cubs fan feel free to argue your reason to live another day.
1) Curb Your Enthusiasm - Just delivers every episode. The Michael J. Fox episode was hilarious last season.
2) Modern Family - The writing is rather brilliant for a network show.
3) Veep - I laughed so hard at a couple of episodes tears formed. Brilliant writing and Julia Louis-Dreyfus dialogue with her co stars is fucking hysterical.
4) Californication - Hank Moody is my hero.
5) The League - I gotta watch season 3 but the first two were hilarious.
Just missed the cut: Always Sunny In Philadelphia (was kinda disappointed with it last year, probably has run it's course)
