SportsCrack Blog

Friday, June 06, 2014

Lebron James Cramping Memes are Internet Gold


Full disclosure: last night was the first time I've watched any of the NBA Playoffs.  I turned it on because I figured I might owe it to myself to see what all the hoopla was about.  Apparently the Spurs forgot to pay their HVAC bill and the air conditioning went out in the first period.  I will be the last person to make fun of somebody for bitching about the hot conditions which reached 90 degrees inside San Antonio's AT&T arena.  I personally think AC is one of if not the greatest and most needed inventions of all time.  With that being said I've played baseball, football, basketball, street hockey, golf, tennis, track and field all in temperatures above 90 growing up in the South.  It sucks but you get used to it.  I didn't see old men Tim Duncan or Ray Allen wilting under the heat.  Lebron you play for a fucking team called the Heat.  Act like you have been there before.  I've dealt with cramps before.  They suck.  But you can play through them.  Get an IV or some fucking water.  Stop drinking that Powerade junk and drink plenty of H2O.  And don't you dare get carried off the court again like a bitch.  That's fucking embarrassing.  I'm actually embarrassed for him.  No fucking way would I be carried off unless a bone was sticking out of both of my legs.






See more at GAMEDAYR.COM




http://gamedayr.com/lifestyle/fans/lebron-james-cramping-memes-109235/

Thursday, June 05, 2014

Crush Davis Hits a Towering Home Run, Given Silent Treatment from Teammates



Last season Baltimore Orioles slugger Chris "Crush" Davis hit a staggering 53 homers in a break out season that earned him top 3 MVP votes.  This season Davis has been struggling with the long balls.  He had 7 going into last night at the 1/3 season mark.  After hitting a towering ball in the right field bleacher seats in Arlington last night you would think his teammates would be excited to see Crush break out of his mini slump.  They gave him the silent treatment.  Davis would not be shown up though as he gave his air high fives to his imaginary teammates.  Take that assholes!

O's won their 4th straight.  I'm still holding out hope the O's beat the Dodgers in the World Series as I predicted before the season started.  They need to make a trade for another starter (Jeff Samardzija please) and get Matt Wieters back from injury and they should be fine.  They got this!

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

50 Cent With the All-Time Worst First Pitch



50 Cent must have taken 9 bullets to his left shoulder before delivering this stinker of a first pitch.  I'm right handed and I'm 100% certain I could throw left handed better than 50.  Clearly not an athlete 50 should stick with rapping and/or soccer because the use of his arm is clearly not needed or wanted.

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Crush Davis' One Word To Describe Major League Home Run Leader Nelson Cruz is Flamboyant



We are near the 1/3 season mark and Baltimore Orioles slugger/"Biogenisis survivor" Nelson Cruz is the MLB leader with 16 HRs.  Some would describe Cruz  as passionate, beastly, steady, machine, etc. His teammate Chris Davis who led the Majors last season in HR and RBIs however has a different one word description: flamboyant.  I don't think anyone saw that coming.  Hopefully "Cruzzzzzz" can be as flamboyant as Brady Anderson was back in the mid-to-late 90's and lead the Orioles back to the playoffs.  You go boy!

Washington National's Baseball Defined in one Smelly Armpit Vine



Now that is NATITUDE!  Smell it!  Smell it!  I said fucking SMELL IT!

Via @recordsandradio

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Norm McDonald is not a big fan of Oscar Pistorius



I can see Norm McDonald's argument.  You should need actual legs to be able to race.  It's only fair.  No wonder the guy murdered his girlfriend.  He's been living a lie his whole life thinking he had real legs.

Monday, May 19, 2014

The Johnny Cleveland Rap Song



He's got the city believing...he's going to wreck this league!  Truer words have never been spoken.

Johnny Manziel is now bigger than the city of Cleveland.  Johnny Football is going to be running around Cleveland giving girls epic panty slushies.  It's inevitable.





Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Braves Release Renderings of New Stadium







The Atlanta Braves released on Wednesday conceptual drawings of their planned 41,000-plus seat Cobb County Stadium.
The images show a stadium with three main decks, including a split upper deck, and a broad sun canopy that’s about three times the size of the overhang at Turner Field. The drawings also provide a glimpse at the design concepts behind the $400 million mixed-use complex to sit around the ballpark.


“This is a very early look at how our vision is shaping up and, even though we are still months away from final plans and drawings, we are very pleased with the progress,” said Braves President John Schuerholz, said in a news release. “The renderings represent the sense of place we intend to create 365 days a year in addition to a world-class ballpark.”

The Braves announced in November their intention to move to Cobb into a new $622 million stadium for the 2017 season. The team also plans to open the first phase of its surrounding mixed-use project, a blend of bars, shops, restaurants, office space, hotels and residences, in 2017 with full completion slated for 2019.

Derek Schiller, the Braves head of marketing, told reporters in a conference call that the ballpark will be oriented to the southwest. It’s not a typical ballpark layout – given the position of the sun in late afternoon hours and the view for fans and players at-bat.

Unlike Turner Field, the stadium also will likely have more character in its outfield. Rather than a curved outfield wall, Schiller said the team is looking at other arrangements with more defined power alleys.
He said, however, that he wouldn’t label the new stadium a hitter’s ballpark, and that the new venue will likely retain Turner Field’s reputation as a more pitcher-friendly field.
The renderings also show green space and a small lake of about 1-to 1.5 acres that will be a prominent feature on the site.


MY TAKE:  Looks incredible at least from the drawings.  I'm digging the Kansas City inspired lake feature out beyond the outfield.  Hell they could stock it with fish and use it as a fishing hole year round.  I would pay to go fishing and drinking right next to the Braves stadium.  The bars and shops should definitely attract more people for the games and give them something to do finally before and after.  The stadium itself looks like a good mixture of classic and modern.  They need to have some statues of Smoltz, Glavine, Maddux, Chipper, Murphy, Hank, Bobby, etc. to make it feel historic in it's own new way.  I think making it seat 41,000 is smart.  It will give it a more intimate feel.  It will be interesting to see the final renderings but this is a great start.  They still need to address the traffic situation and how accessible it will be for mass transit.




Georgia Recruit Nick Chubb Has Some Serious Hops


Tailback U is getting another specimen of an athlete this fall.  Incoming freshman Nick Chubb out of Cedartown High School was just gradually warming up for his track meet last week by doing some stretching and also had the chance to display his 40 inch vertical jump while loosing up his hammys.  And boy did he ever!  Holy shit this Chubb manchild makes Carl Lewis look like a JV athlete.

Before the comparisons already started somebody had the bright idea to put a side by side picture of current high school athlete Chubb next to the great Herschel Walker when he was in Athens.  You tell me who looks more like a super hero?


Chubb is a 5 star recruit who will make an immediate impact this fall despite returning starters Todd Gurley (the best college back in the nation) and Keith Marshall (coming off injury) otherwise known as Gurshall wrecking havoc again in the SEC.  If head coach Mark Richt and offensive coordinator Mike Bobo are smart enough they will realize they can ride the stable of Gurley, Marshall and Chubb to a SEC Title if they decide to RUN THE DAMN BALL and play to the strength of their offense while keeping their defense fresh and off the field.  The last time Georgia seriously contended for a National Championship they rode Herschel all the way to a Sugar Bowl triumph 34 years ago.  Why not do the same this year with 3 guys instead while keeping their legs fresh?

Friday, May 09, 2014

Cleveland Reacts to Johnny Football Draft, Johnny Cleveland Shirts Already Available






Well that didn't take long.  Cleveland loves them some Johnny Football aka Johnny Cleveland now.

We already have Johnny Cleveland shirts up for sale!

Go nuts Cleveland.  Go nuts!


Videos via BarStoolSports

Thursday, May 08, 2014

Gotta Love Jadeveon Clowney's Response to "What's the hardest class in college?"




  Oh those crazy New York paps asking their silly questions.  Asking future NFL bust Jadeveon Clowney "What's the hardest class in college?" is on par with asking a blind person if it was "Love at first sight?"  But I'm not going to lie.  I love Clowney's response.  Just laughing out loud is so perfect.  Football players from conferences like the SEC don't go to class.  It's beyond ridiculous to even think they do.  It's a whole different ball game in the south.  It would be a hell of an accomplishment if they could just name their position coach much less actually attend some classes.

Keep being you Jadeveon.  He probably had the same response when scouts asked him if he put any effort into his junior season.

2014 NFL Mock Draft: The Final One



It's about fucking time right?  The NFL Draft is finally here.  I feel like it's been shoved down our throats by ESPN more aggressively than a Peter North cuckold.  This is the final mock we are doing...for 2014.

1. Texans - Jadeveon Clowney

2.  Rams - Greg Robinson

3.  Jaguars - Johnny Manziel

4.  Browns - Blake Bortles

5.  Raiders - Sammy Watkins

6.  Falcons -  Jake Matthews

7.  Buccaneers - Khalil Mack

8.  Vikings - Aaron Donald

9.  Bills - Zach Martin

10.  Lions - Darqueze Denard

11.  Titans - Mike Evans

12.  Giants - Taylor Lewan

13.  Rams - Odell Beckham

14.  Bears - Ha Ha Clinton-Dix

15.  Steelers - Justin Gilbert

16.  Cowboys - Timmy Jernigan

17.  Ravens - Eric Ebron

18.  Jets - Marqise Lee

19.  Dolphins - Cyrus Kouandjio

20.  Cardinals - Derek Carr

21.  Packers - Calvin Pryor

22.  Eagles - Anthony Barr

23.  Chiefs - Brandin Cooks

24.  Bengals - Kyle Fuller

25.  Chargers - Louis Nix

26.  Browns - Xavier Su'a Filo

27.  Saints - C. J. Mosley

28.  Panthers - Morgan Moses

29.  Patriots -  Jace Amaro

30.  49ers - Jason Verrett

31.  Broncos -  Dee Ford

32.  Seahawks - Joel Bitonio

Wednesday, May 07, 2014

Classic Taiwan Animation of Jameis Winston Free Seafood University Theft



I seriously feel like SportsCenter would be one million times better if they just made all their news stories have Taiwanese animation.  I don't need a reporter on site unless she is in lingerie.  I need animation.  The fucking gigantic Hurricanes crab got me in the end and I almost feel bad for laughing at it.  I mean it's not even funny it's just so fucking stupid you have to laugh.  It's almost as stupid as a Heisman Trophy winning QB stealing crab legs from Publix and pretty much getting away with it.

Speaking of stupid if you haven't ordered one of these Free Seafood University shirts you might as well ride the short bus because your summer is going to suck.  They ship out this week and they're hotter than Jameis Winston's crab infested man nuggets.

ORDER NOW


Kevin Durant's MVP Speech Was Emotional



Mr. Unreliable eh?

Kevin Durant delivered a highly emotional and heartfelt speech yesterday thanking his mother, friends, and teammates after receiving his first MVP trophy.  The best part of the speech was it was completely honest and not scripted.  There wasn't a dry eye in the room.  Fuck I started cutting onions only 45 seconds into it.  Bravo to Durant.  We have a tendency and I'm guilty of this a lot for bashing players who don't put their emotions on their sleeve and only play for the money.  Durant is one of the good guys.  He's a player everybody can root for.  One in which I would run through a wall for.  I could only imagine being his teammate.  This speech sealed his bronze statue in Oklahoma City.  Durant the Legend.

Tuesday, May 06, 2014

Girl Hit By Shovel Goes Viral










Full fight video below.  I've been laughing at these remix videos since they exploded on the internet yesterday.  Yes I've got a problem.  But at least I don't have a shovel imprint in my head.  Although the girl with the shovel scar will probably make millions off this before she gets a video deal with Vivid.

WORLD STAR!!!!

NFL Draft 2014: The 5 Safest Picks



Every year we get NFL GMs, scouts, and draft experts over thinking the draft process and taking the shiniest athlete instead of the best overall player.  Most years it's a QB like Blaine Gabbert or Jamarcus Russell.  Some years it's a defensive player who blows up in the combine like Mike Mamula.

This year we got some great BOOM or BUST picks in Jadeveon Clowney and Johnny Manziel.  Both could turn the NFL upside down and both could be colossal flops for all we know.  But now we need to look at 5 guys who will bring the most value to where they will likely be picked and in a world of unknowns are the "safest" picks of the 2014 NFL Draft.  The NFL Draft is a crap shoot but it's always safe to lay down on the 6's and 8's when all else fails.  Here are some picks who should pan out.

1)  Khalil Mack, outside linebacker, Buffalo

I'm sure I will get some heat for saying this but Mack is a better overall player and athlete than Clowney.  Watch the film.  Mack is just as fast, explosive, and unlike Clowney he doesn't take plays off.  Mack is the one guy on film who jumps out for his consistent play.  He will be an All-Pro and he carries a chip on his shoulder.  If I had the #1 pick I would take Mack without hesitation.



2) Jake Matthews, offensive tackle, Texas A&M

Drafting a Matthews is like drafting a Manning.  His bloodlines flow with future success in the NFL.  On top of that he's the best overall left tackle in this draft who can pass protect and open up huge holes for the running game.  His athleticism reminds me a lot of Tony Boselli.  He's a future All-Pro and is much better than the #1 and #2 overall players taken in last year's draft.




3) Zach Martin, offensive guard/tackle, Notre Dame

Martin was by far the best overall player at the Senior Bowl.  A 4-year starter at ND who didn't give up a sack his senior season the only knock on Martin is his measure ables.  He's considered a tad short (6'4) for offensive tackle and his arm length is a bit short too.  But he makes up for it by being a tenacious blocker and leader.  Whether given the chance on the outside or interior of a line remains to be seen but it is a safe bet Martin will dominate at those positions.




4) Darqueze Denard, cornerback, Michigan State

In my mind Denard is the best overall corner in this draft and it looks like he might not get drafted in the 1st round according to some mocks.  He's not tall (6'0) and he is not extremely fast but his overall knowledge of the game and defense is through the roof.  Denard is also a tenacious, get in your face competitor who wants to be the best and thinks he is the best.  He reminds me a lot of Richard Sherman.




5) Aaron Donald, defensive tackle, Pittsburgh

Just a shade under 300 pounds Donald was often double and sometimes triple-teamed in college and still made a huge impact at a position which is usually just used for run stopping.  Donald if you watch the film is a high motor guy who reminds me a lot of Geno Atkins when he was coming out of Georgia.  He's tenacious, has a great work ethic from all accounts, and will disrupt NFL offenses for years to come.

Monday, May 05, 2014

Bama Football Player Michael Nyeswander Does His Best Stone Cold Steve Austin Impersonation


Remember all of those Alabama stereotypes in your head before you saw this post of Alabama Tight End Michael Nyeswander?  Well now you feel a little less guilty don't you?

We got the Alabama tank top officially licensed by Nike.

We got the classic jorts.

We got the tube socks with work boots.

We got the classic old school Miller Lite can.

And to top it all off we got the Bama meathead crushing said Miller Lite on head in an epic drunk fueled steroid/deer antler spray rage.

All that is missing is a scantily clothed cousin of Neyeswander eyeing him up and this would be the perfect Bama stereotype encapsulated in two pictures.

Friday, May 02, 2014

Notre Dame Coaches Reading Student-Athlete Tweets Was Actually Funny



I don't care how old you are or how young you are or how sophisticated or how well of an upbringing you were brought up in farts are 100% funny all the fucking time.  My 3 year old daughter cracks up every time I "toot" or she "toots" and my wife stares at us like we are neanderthals until she finally laughs because they are fucking funny.  You can't help yourself.  So when I see a ND coach talking about one of her players tweeting about getting cropdusted it makes me laugh.  The world would be a lot better albeit smellier place if we just handled confrontations or squabbles with farts.  I mean could you imagine back in the day Reagan and Gorbachev just ripping cheese bellies together?  The Cold War would have been dead.

By the way where the hell was Brian Kelly?  You can't have a video about ND coaches without the most famous and really the only important one on campus.  He was probably out interviewing for the soon to be available Atlanta Falcons job.

How to Sneak Into Any Game



I could see myself doing all of these except the stealing beer part.  I'm not a big enough asshole I guess to fake a choking and grab some other dude's beer and chug it in front of them.  Granted all bets are off if I see some douche wearing a Yankees hat at Turner Field.

True story I've only snuck into one game without paying in my life.  I've gotten plenty of free tickets but actually getting into a packed game without a ticket is hard work.  We all know I like to do the least amount of work.  Remember C's get degrees kids and they still count as much as straight A's.  Anyways I was up in Philly for my college roomie Tobin's wedding.  Our flight out to Atlanta on that Sunday was delayed because of some bullshit fog or rain in the ATL.  So the wife and I decided to take a shuttle over to Citizen Banks Park to watch the Phillies battle the DBacks.  In Atlanta it's easy to get a baseball ticket. You just walk up to the ticket window and buy one.  In Philly we found out it doesn't work the same way.  They were completely sold out.  No standing room tickets.  No handicap tickets.  Nothing.  It was the game before the All-Star break so every inbred Philly fan was there.  So I told the wife we had to get in we were just going to have to wing it somehow.  Asked a few ushers and they put up the Heisman.  The game had already started.  Finally spotted a guy frazzled with his kids of course leaving the stadium.  And much like the fake baby bottle story I asked if I could have his tickets stubs.  He had a diaper or some shit to do so he didn't care.  Took the stubs up to the usher and told him we had to run out of the stadium to get our drunk friend a cab or some shit and the usher just let us in.  We wound up staying for the whole game and saw the DBacks beat the Phillies.  It was great.

Bikini Girls Boat Crash is Funnier than one would expect



Don't even act like you refrained from laughing.  It doesn't make you a bad person.  It makes you a human being.  And watching assholes in their power boat lose their shit to a wave to the remix of "Turn Down For What" is internet gold.

Alabama Grocery Store Advertises Jameis Winston Crab Legs


Those crab legs look mighty tasty!  Jack's Foodland Supermarket in some town in Alabama I dare not care to even look up advertised these "Jameis Winston King Crab Legs" as a joke but it caught fire on social media yesterday.  Larry Smith, the owner, says he only made one label (wink wink) and posted it on their Facebook store page and it soon took off.  Smith is an Alabama fan and as you probably know Winston is an Alabama native and was considered a recruiting steal for FSU when they took him from the grasps of Nick Saban and Bama two years ago.  Jack's Foodland has now been receiving all kinds of media attention since the crab legs went viral and why not?  This shit is funny.

Speaking of going viral our FREE SEAFOOD UNIVERSITY Shirt has been a hot item since it's debut on Wednesday.  This shirt is guaranteed to get people talking and girls are drawn in to it like a moth to a flame.  In other words guys or gals if you are looking for the perfect shirt for the summer going into the fall this is it.



Wednesday, April 30, 2014

The In"FAMOUS" Free Seafood University Shirts






This graphite 50/50 cotton polyester blend shirt has a soft vintage feel to it.  It's also tagless.  Don't be a Criminole and pass up the chance at owning a Classic Free Seafood University Shirt.

Kenny Powers Makes An Appearance on MLB 14 The Show Game Commercial



While I agree with Kenny Powers that baseball is better than most if not all of sports I gotta go devil's advocate here.  Playing video game baseball sucks.  Granted I haven't played video games in a long time because unfortunately I had to grow up and become a part-time alcoholic while being a full-time Dad but back in the day Madden, NBA Jam, Tiger Woods golf, even Fifa soccer blew the fucking doors off any baseball game.  Maybe things I have changed and MLB 14 The Show is the greatest sports video game of all-time but I seriously doubt it.  Too much thinking involved in baseball.

Jameis aka "The Crustacean Sensation" Winston Addresses the Media over Crabgate


Nothing to see here folks.  Jameis Winston has faced the music and will now serve 20 hours of community service for his shellfish act.  He is also suspended from the baseball team which makes you think it was all a part of the master plan by Jimbo Fisher.  You can't have the Heisman Trophy winner serving a suspension during football season.  Especially not for a big time revenue generating sport like college football.  We will see you in the fall InFamous Jameis.



Gotta admit I was kind of disappointed to hear Red Lightning was involved.




Jameis Winston Cited for Shoplifting Crab Legs At Publix


Go ahead and put this in the memory bank for headlines you never thought you would read.  Reigning Heisman Trophy winner Jameis Winston was caught stealing crab legs at Publix.  No bull shit according to Tomahawk Nation...


Florida State quarterback Jameis Winston was issued a citation Tuesday for shoplifting crab legs from Publix, according to multiple sources. Winston, the reigning Heisman Trophy winner, is a red-shirt sophomore for the Seminoles.
"He got an adult civil citation," a trusted source inside Tallahasse Police told Tomahawk Nation. "If he completes the sanctions it will never show up on his record. They commonly give them to juveniles on first criminal offenses. They are now doing it for minor misdemeanors for adults to lower crime rate"
Well this gives new meaning to FSU and the Seminoles.  Not only can we bring back the always classic "Criminoles" shirts for public ridicule but also I feel a Free Seafood University shirt needs to be done.


Just another shellfish act by young Jameis.




New Jose "Yogi" Abreu South Side Chicago 79 Throwback Shirt


Chicago White Sox slugger Jose Abreu has already shattered Albert Pujols rookie record for homers and RBIs in a month and the first month of the season isn't even over.  Abreu's teammate Adam Eaton has called him "Yogi" because he is a bear of a slugger.  We agree.  Get the one of a kind "Yogi South Side 79" Throwback Shirt exclusively at SportsCrack Tees.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Rihanna Shows Off Her Pierced Boobs


CLICK HERE FOR THE NSFW PHOTOS

Before you even ask "what does this have to do with sports?" may I point out that Rihanna once dated Dodgers centerfielder Matt Kemp...so yeah...she has some connection.  So it was my duty to point out that Rihanna has gone from Kemp to showing off her pierced nipples in a French magazine called LUI.  Moving up in the world!

Yankees Fans Boo Robinson Cano to his Face



You honestly can't blame Yankees fans here.  Star second baseman Robinson Cano left the friendly confines of Yankees Stadium for more money on the west coast.  $240 million to be exact over 10 years.  I mean what an asshole that Cano is.  It's not like the Yankees whole roster with the exception of Jeter is made up of players who did the same exact thing to their former teams by taking pinstripe dollars.  Nope.  Poor Yankees fans.  I feel for you guys.  I hope to never feel that hurt.

Fuckers.

Monday, April 28, 2014

Jeremy Lin Sure Does Love to Travel



How the fuck was this not called?  I counted at least 7 steps.  Last time I checked you have to dribble the ball to go that far with it.  This Jeremy Lin non travel call just proves me point.  The NBA is hot garbage.  I would rather watch Golden Girls reruns than this shit they call the NBA playoffs.

/ Team NHL Playoffs Guy

Warriors Fans React To Los Angeles Clippers Owner Donald Sterling's Racist Comments


I laughed out loud.  So did you!  If not you are a racist.


Ryan Braun is Still a Great Teammate, Strikes Jean Segura With a Bat


The Hebrew Hammer is still hitting people where it hurts.  Ryan Braun is fresh off his steroid suspension and at this point is trying to get any good publicity after lying to the public.  Well his bat has been doing most of the talking so far in Milwaukee to the tune of .318 with six jacks and 18 driven in.  Not bad for a now self admitted cheater.  But just to prove how much of a cock sucker Braun is he decided to hit his teammate SS Jean Segura on the head with old Louisville Slugger.  Sure Braun will play it off as an unfortunate accident and say Segura was in the wrong place at the wrong time just like that urine cup collector but we all know this was no accident.  The bat don't lie.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Baseball Porn: Andrelton Simmons Defensive Highlights



As an Atlanta Braves fan I sometimes take what 24-year-old Platinum Glove winner Andrelton Simmons does with his glove for granted.  "Simba" as he is affectionally called has the best glove, the best range, the best arm, and the best instincts by any major leaguer in the game today.  Simmons makes plays look so easy even when they clearly are not and he isn't a flashy me first guy like Yunel Escobar that he sometimes goes unnoticed.  He shouldn't.  Simmons is right up there with "The Wizard" Ozzie Smith for best defensive shortstop that I've ever seen play the game.  His highlights are baseball porn worthy and he's quick as a cat.  Simba is a rare breed who is worth the price of admission just to say you say him play.  Like watching Gretzky take the ice, MJ take the floor, and Montana break the huddle you know something special is going to happen when Simmons puts his Rawlings rawhide on his left hand.



Twins' Chris Colabello Hits HR For Mom on her Birthday



Talk about delivering the perfect birthday present for Mom.  Minnesota Twins' Chris Colabello does not disappoint.  The only problem is now Mom is going to be expecting bigger and better things every year.  Like you can't get anything better than a homer from your son right as the sideline reporter in interviewing you.  It's just not possible.  So next year when he delivers flowers and a kiss or whatever the fuck you give to your Mom on her birthday the look of disappointment in her eyes could be soul crushing.  Colabello might as well just cut his losses and become an Alaskan Ice Trucker.

Mike Trout Steals Bryce Harper's Thunder Once Again With Diving Catch



Ever since Bryce Harper graced the cover of Sports Illustrated at the age of 16 as the next sure fire superstar in making Mike Trout has taken it as his personal goal to steal all the thunder away from the Clown Question bro.  Not only has Trout been the best all-around player in the game without question (don't even fucking argue with me on this because you will make yourself look like a simpleton) his first two seasons and really it's fucking highway robbery he doesn't have two MVP awards to show for it but that is a discussion for another day.  The reason why Trout doesn't get the accolades or notoriety of a Harper is only because Bryce plays on a better team on the east coast.  That's it.  Trout is better at all facets of the game.  Speed, power, fielding, running, hitting, diving, smiling, spitting, farting you name it Trout does it better.  This doesn't make Harper a shitty player by any means.  That's not what the point of this post is.  I'm just saying Trout is like Superman and Harper is like Captain America.  Both are extraordinary but I will take the guy who can fly into fucking outer space over a guy with a shield any day.


Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Best NBA Bench Reactions



It's like watching black people react to a David Blaine magic trick.  The reaction is always funnier when they are running around in circles screaming and shouting "oh no you didn't!"  Every.  Single.  Time.

University of Arizona Knows How to Throw a Pool Party



I know what you are thinking...I went to the wrong damn school.  And you are right unless you went to Tuscon as an undergrad and enjoyed the epic pool parties.  Tuscon so hot right now.  Tuscon.  Bear Down bitches!

Video via BroBible

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Meet ESPN's Newest It Girl: Britt McHenry



Mute the sound and take a gander at Britt McHenry, a new ESPN talent who will be reporting from her "home" base in Washington D.C.



Now before you slam McHenry as just another pretty face who can't do her job correctly keep in mind she has a Masters degree in journalism from one of the top schools in the nation in Northwestern.  Britt was also a fairly successful D1 soccer player in college and has been working her way up the ladder so to speak while working as a sports reporter and anchor at WJCA in Washington.  She temporarily took a job as a sideline reporter for the San Diego Padres but didn't feel the fit was right before going back to D.C.  Now she will be telling us the latest and greatest in regards to RG3, Bryce Harper, and John Wall among other stars in the D.C. Sports Market for ESPN.

She's got the SportsCrack stamp of approval.  I look forward to listening her talk about the Nats getting swept once again by the Braves in the near future.

Alexandria is a Chicago Fan, Looks a little like Kate Upton


If you are bored on this titillating Tuesday feel free to check out pictures of Alexandria Morgan over at The Chive.  She basically looks like a younger, hotter version of Kate Upton.  I'm surprised I didn't get struck by lightning after writing that but it must mean that God agrees because her God given talents are not of this world.  Feel free to follow her on Twitter if that's your stalking thing.











Brian Williams Raps "Gin and Juice"



Thank you Jimmy Fallon interns.  Without all of you this great Brian Williams mash up would not be possible.  Now keep working for FREE because some day you could be making as much as $30k coming out of college.

Friday, April 18, 2014

What Baseball On Acid Looks Like: The Gatorade Bryce Harper Commercial



Holy Panama City flashback time!  I feel like I just took some really high grade acid and just want the trip to stop.  Make it stop!  Bryce Harper is some kind of liquid trail demon mashing balls that turn into his face to the sweet rift of Welcome to the Jungle.  I don't give a shit if you hate Harper this commercial is legit.  No more clown questions bro!


Release the Kimbrel Shirts in Throwback Royal and Navy Now Available


Let's be completely honest here folks.  There is only one pitcher in the last 10 years who has made grown men look like babies swinging a wiffle ball bat.  Kimbrel is the closest thing to unhittable since that day long ago you thought you had a shot at the prom queen.  It's almost a crime on itself for us to have never made this shirt till today.  Now is your chance to #RELEASETHEKIMBREL with this classic Game Over shirt.  Comes in one of either THROWBACK ROYAL or TRADITIONAL NAVY.

Monday, April 14, 2014

This Jameis Winston Pre Spring Game Speech Gave Me Goosebumps



Chills running up and down my spine.  Jameis Winston won a Heisman Trophy and National Championship last season while avoiding those pesky rape charges at FSU because he knows how to articulate his passion for the game of football.  Famous Jameis aka Jaboo is from the sticks of Alabama but you would never know it by listening to him.  Jim Nantz better watch out for his Masters gig.  After Jameis manages to score the first ever negative Wonderlic he's going to use that mouth of his to secure broadcasting jobs after his motivational speech days are over.  I'm not even going to lie I had tears forming listening to Jaboo talk.

P.S- What the fuck did he say?

Bubba Watson Celebrated His Second Masters Win With a Trip to the Waffle House


Bubba Watson won his second Green Jacket in three years yesterday in Augusta but also managed to make a trip that many of us have made in the middle of the night: Waffle House.  At 1:30 AM to be exact.  I'm guessing there was some celebratory drinks before hand.  I know what you are thinking...where is their 2-year-old son who CBS pinned up there like Bubba and his wife were the parents of the year?  Well who do you think drove these drunk bastards and took the picture?  Yup the kid.  He's already pulling his weight in the Watson family.

P.S- I don't care how rich you are.  The Waffle House is still the best place to get a great breakfast.  I get the All-Star Special all the time.  Substitute hashbrowns for the grits, side of bacon, scrambled eggs, wheat toast, and a waffle of course.  Vanilla coke is the go-to drink.  Just made myself hungry talking about it.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Texas Tech Football Has A Dance Off, Head Coach Kliff Kingsbury Steals The Show With His Stanky Leg



Recruiting 101: Learn the stanky leg, do the stanky leg, make the video go viral.  Boom recruits sign on the dotted line.

Texas Tech head coach Kliff Kingsbury is a renegade innovator.  A man's man.  One stanky leg at a time.

Sign of the Apocalypse: The Duke Flop Has Now Infiltrated Boys League Basketball




Thanks Coach K.  Not only do you teach your overrated players how to pull a patented Shane Battier flop anytime someone penetrates the lane but now we got fucking kids taking dives like they play on the Italian National soccer team.  To be completely honest if I was a ref and saw this little punk pull this shit I would not only kick the kid out of the game but also the parents for raising an asshole.  Hey but that's just me.

Charles Barkley Says He Offered Dirk Nowitzki Money To Go To Auburn



Typical SEC scum move.  I love Charles Barkley and his honesty.  Just tells it like it is.  Yeah I offered German wunderkid Dirk Nowitzki a bunch of money to go to Auburn years ago...whatcha going to do about it?  Shit I don't even blame Barkley.  Have you seen Auburn play basketball?  They haven't been close to competitive since the mid-to-late 90's.

Tuesday, April 08, 2014

40 Years Ago Today: "There's a new home run champion of all time...and it's Henry Aaron"



I don't give a shit how many Barry Bonds hit.  Hank Aaron is still the all-time home run champion.

Good to see Derek Jeter Still Has His Fielding Range



Yeah Jeeeeets!

Oh shit.  He's old.  And slow.  And has the flexibility of a guy who just went through a colonoscopy.  Other than that Derek Jeter looks great.

Go Get Em Kid!


FSU and Notre Dame Joust In Rain Delay Baseball Game



I've always said you can really get to know your fellow teammates during a rain delay.  Last week Notre Dame and FSU had an extended one in Tallahassee and squared off in hijinks to one up one another.  Gotta love the old Catholics vs Criminoles battles.  The only thing it was missing was Jameis sacrificing a young lady in distress.

Riots at UCONN



I don't think I will ever understand the mentality behind rioting after your school or team wins a championship.  Breaking shit to celebrate seems counterproductive but hey that's just me.  Can we get confirmation that Storrs, Connecticut is still a city and not a raging fireball of chaos?

PS - Is the guy shooting this VINE the owner of the car?  Why else would you be like NO NO NO then YES YES YES?  Rioters gonna riot.  The voice sounds identical to a South Park character.

Shabazzketball Destroyed My Bracket, Can Now Eat



"The Hungry Huskies...this is what happens when you ban us!"

Truer words have never been spoken.  Final Four Most Outstanding Player Shabazz Napier is not only a two-time champion for the UCONN Huskies but is now a mouthpiece for the plighted and malnourished student-athlete that the NCAA preys upon.  Poor guy goes to "bed starving" while the rest of college students eat $50 filet mignons and their fancy sides that they find in between their microbrew soaked suede couches.  I feel bad for guys like Napier.  Not only does he get his tuition paid for but he also has to put up with all of his free room and board and books and free tutoring and free five course meals and women and free travel and clothes and future NBA millions while "starving."  It's a hard knock life for Napier and he shows he is true warrior in every fashion.



In conclusion fuck guys like Shabazz Napier.  Not because he is bitching about "starving" but because he completely ruined my bracket.  I had UCONN losing in the first round.  Napier put them on his back and said F that guy and his stupid office bracket.  I gotta eat!

Congrats to UCONN for winning the title.  It was much deserved.  I enjoyed all 45 minutes of the tournament I actually watched. Now we can focus on more important things like baseball and hockey before football finally comes back.