BCS CHAMPIONSHIP LIVE BLOG
Game time is less than a half a hour away, I hope you have your beer chilled and ready to join the great Sportscrack Drink A Shot Of Beer Everytime They Show The Band Broadcast.
PREGAME
Well, here we go, drink a shot, they just showed the dotting of the I. That calls for two shots.
Remember to hit the refresh button every once in a while and scroll down to get the latest drunk ramblings. Oh yeah, fuck Urban Liar for being in the pre-game telecast. What recruit is he trying to poach/steal now?
-Okay, another shot of the band, this time the LSU one, take a shot. So far 3 shots down. By the way, how many chicks do you think Shaq nails now that he is single? I think he has at least 4 lined up tonight, one for each quarter.
-I think the only way you can stop Glenn Dorsey is to chop block him. Is there any doubt the Miami Dolphins don't take him with the #1 pick in the draft? All though he is a tad undersized for a D-tackle in the pros, his speed and quickness should make him a force if he can stay healthy.
-Oh sweet, I can't wait to find out who won the FEDEX Jack off performance of the year award. Seriously, what is the freaking point of this stupid FEDEX award? Does anybody really care?
-Seriously, baby photos, come on FOX, show the ladies!!
-With June Jones now leaving Hawaii to go take the SMU job you have to believe the Warriors will go hard for Titan's offensive coordinator Norm Chow. He would be a perfect fit for Hawaii and could get some recruits out there on name recognition alone.
-Okay, what the hell, it's time for a prediction on this game. I see the spread is in favor of the LSU Tigers by 4 points and with good reason. Essentially this is a home game for the Tigers in the Superdome and the crowd should be 4/1 in favor of the purple and gold. That being said I think the Buckeyes have a lot to prove tonight and are tired of hearing everybody telling them they suck ass and don't belong in this game. The underdogs usually prevail in this game, so I'm going with the Buckeyes.
Final score prediction: Ohio State 31 LSU 30
FIRST QUARTER
-Oh fuck, Thom Brennaman is doing the game. I want to hear him bitch about teams trying to run up the score in the third quarter like he did during the Sugar Bowl.
-The Suckeyes looked focus. God I hope this game isn't a blow out.
-Les-ticles is ready to go, no word if he is going to take the Michigan job tomorrow. Supposedly Rich Rodriguez has an out clause for Hawaii.
-Is that Chris Weinke? Isn't that guy collecting Social Security by now? LSU just won the toss by Tony Dorsett and have elected to differ to the second half. See people, you must have huge testicles to make that kind of decision this early on.
-Band shot, take another shot bitches!
-Oh shit, LSU is coming out fired up. Boeckman had little time to throw that first pass thanks to Jean-Francois.
-Nice pass to Robiskie, good to see Ohio State opening up the playbook early on and not trying to play smash mouth football with LSU.
-Beanie Wells to the House! Take another shot for the band. LSU's defense might be the most overated ever. Teams run all over them! Big Ten country rejoice, for now.
Beanie is so getting layed tonight!!
Ohio State 7 LSU 0
-Great block by Alex Boone sprung Wells. Qb Matt Flynn looks scared and no he doesn't look like Matt Damon.
-I'm sorry, but Early Doucet blows. Why Kiper and the other draft experts have him rated so high is beyond me.
-LSU looks nervous, great 3 and out for the Buckeyes.
-Dude, Boeckman deep for a first down. Tressel is coming out and attacking. I like it. Band shot, take another!
-Did you know that Buckeye is German for Whale's vagina?
-Band shot, take another!
-Good stop by the LSU defense. Field goal makes it 10-0 early in the first.
Dude! The Buckeyes are looking strong...
-Ohio State 10 LSU 0
-Great story, I almost shed a tear for the former teammates now playing against each other BS blah blah.
-Umm, have you guys heard of this Jumper Movie? yeah, me too, first time here.
-Vernon Gholston will be a first round draft pick.
-Good play action by Flynn to Doucet. I'm still confused why teams do play action on third and long. It confuses nobody.
-Hester is rocking the BAMA Bangs in his team picture.
-Band shot, take another!
-Of course Doucet makes a great catch on a bad throw thus proving I don't know shit about talent. I know beer though, and it tastes great right now.
-LSU Band Shot, take another!
-Good drive by LSU so far even though Trinton Holliday 
-Flynn forced to throw it away on 3rd and long. Good pressure forcing Flynn out of the pocket.
-32 yard field goal is good by LSU.
Ohio State 10 LSU 3
-Wells is a beast, great spin move. 5 carries for 87 yards already. He might be my #1 rated RB for next year, no doubt he will be top 3 in the game.
-Great coverage by LSU's corner.
-Looked like Hartline was interfered there but no call.
-Fumble, looks like LSU recovered.
-LSU band shot, take another!
-First quarter over. Buckeyes 10 LSU 3.
-Poon shots: 0
-Band shots: 10
-I hate you FOX. My privates want to tingle, not my liver assholes!
SECOND QUARTER
-Third and short and the whole free world knows Hester is getting the ball and yet he always gets the first down. Amazing.
-Sweatervest is fired up after the true freshman defensive end made a good play on the RB.
-LSU Touchdown! Flynn to tight end Dickson right after the Little Animal faced rape a WR.
Band Shot, take another! Band Shot, take Another!
Tied game 10-10.
-LSU band shot, take another!
-Beanie Wells just bitch slapped a LSU defender. Beanie is again a beast.
-Ohio State band shot, take another!
-Touchdown dropped! Perfect throw by Boeckman, CB Jackson knocked it loose on the bobble.
-LSU Safety Steltz is hurt. Did you know half the oxygen in the world comes from Serena Williams ass.
-Huge blocked field goal by LSU. Still tied 10-10.
-Hester with a long run on first down.
-By the way Jumper comes out on Valentines Day, how romantic.
-Flynn just got hammered.
-LSU has more than double the first downs than Ohio State right now, momentum defanitely in their favor right now. Some midget just almost broke off a TD run for LSU.
-Buckeyes need to stop them here, hold them to field goal and then regroup on offense.
-How fucking gay is the director from FOX? Seriously, find some poon and show it. This is football not men's gymnastics.
-Flynn, perfect pass to Lafell in the corner of the end zone for a TD on a roll out.
LSU 17 Ohio State 10. This might get real ugly, real fast.
-I'm starting to think the dropped pass in the end zone by Ohio State is going to come back and haunt them. Not to mention they didn't score on that drive.
-Huge one handed interception by LSU CB Coleman on a fade route.
-LSU down to the 1 on a cross pass play to TE Dickson. LSU scores a TD here it could be over fast.
-TOUCHDOWN HESTER! Great second effort, was there ever really a doubt he was going to get the ball in a goal line situation. 24 unanswered points.
LSU 24 Suckeyes 10
-LSU defense is rocking right now, OSU needs a first down bad.
-Great pass by Boeckman to Hartline. Buckeye sticker for that play.
-The old Baltimore Raven's play on third and long. Throw a 5 yard pass. Makes perfect sense.
-Take a shot. FOX coverage sucks, we deserve one.
-Halftime. Familiar situation. SEC blowing away a Big Ten team again. Somewhere some dip shit still believes the SEC is overrated. More than likely they live on the West Coast or in the Northeast.
LSU 24 OHIO STATE 10
-Piss break people.
-The half time kicking contest was pretty lame. AllState couldn't dish out the dough to make it a million dollar kick from the 50 yard line? I'm glad I'm with State Farm, I always know they are there. Band shot, slug a whole beer now.
-Finally FOX gives us a poon shot. Then of course they give us 2000 band shots. Fags!
-Holy shit, I think my liver just exploded, too many band shots, too many Bud Light shots. I would have to kick my own ass if I ever wore one of those silly looking LSU band feather hats.
-Anybody else get a laugh out of the Roger Clemen's press conference today where he stated he was forced to miss his old college coach funeral today because of the press conference. Umm, Roger, you are the one in charge of scheduling the press conference. You could have scheduled it weeks ago, or better yet tomorrow. Don't give me your bull shit excuses and try to make me feel sorry for you when even you are trying to upstage a person's death by holding a press conference on the same day. Clemens is now worse than Bonds in my eyes. What a fucking phoney! Him and Urban Liar should exchange notes at halftime.
-Holy shit, Jamarcus Russell just stole one of Bill Cosby's sweaters. Great pick with the #1 pick there Raiders!
-Eddie George is already giving up on the Buckeyes.
-Band shot, take another!
-Trinity gets the game changing performance of the year, free booze and hungover co-ed sexual regrets and ensuing years of therapy starting tomorrow courtesy of Pontiac.
THIRD QUARTER
-LSU scores on this opening drive this game in the second half I think it would be safe to say this game is over. But the drinking never stops!
-Interesting, Ohio State had more total yards in the first half. Turnovers will kill.
-Ugly LSU Poon shot, take another!
-I have a feeling LSU is going to run the ball to death here in the second half until the Shiteyes can stop them.
-A chance for a Poon shot and they show two cows dressed in beads. Like I'm really going to believe guys gave out those beads to Bessie and the Chick-Fil-A Cow. FOX blows ass. I might as well be watching LOGO Tv. At least on there I could see some hot lesbian ass.
-Okay, Buckeyes finally stop them. No reason to turn it off yet.
-What in the dumbdick is #38 doing? Roughing the kicker, automatic first down on a 4th and 23. The Buckeyes are fucked!
-Band shot, take another!
-Louisiana people still believe Elvis is alive, Jacob Hester is the fan club president.
-TOUCHDOWN LSU, Early Doucet with the reception and then poor tackling on the Buckeyes. A couple of band shots means more for you and I.
LSU 31 Ohio State 10
-Boeckman looking like Troy Smith except he is white, faster, and doesn't have a BS Heisman Trophy in his back pocket.
-Do helmet stickers mean good plays on the field or good plays in the sack? I'm starting to think the Buckeyes mean neither because they ain't getting anything after this game.
-Band shot, take another!
-Fuck Blu-Ray. I've seen it in Best Buy and it doesn't look any better to the naked eye than regular DVD. I'm going to be pissed if they switch all DVD's to Blu-ray and force me to buy an overpriced Blu-Ray player.
-Michael Crabtree as the player of the year. hmm, interesting choice, had an unbelievable season.
-Two Band shots, take two!
-Finally, interception Buckeyes. All-American Malcolm Jenkins with the pick, just barely stepped out of bounds.
-Band shot, take another!
-4th and 5, got to kick the field goal right now.
-Touchdown Buckeyes on a great catch, numerous band shots, take at least 4. Tressel just proved why he is coaching the Buckeyes and I am not. He has balls!
-Looks like Malcolm Jenkins woke up with that interception, he is all over the field right now and proving he deserved AA accolades.
-End of the third quarter with LSU up by two touchdowns despite Ohio State having more total yards at the moment. LSU does have 22 first downs compared to just 9 for the Buckeyes.
FOURTH QUARTER
-Good defensive stop by the Buckeyes, need to stay away from the punter here. They do but the punter kicks into the end zone, Buckeyes will take it from the 20 with hopes of scoring a TD to close within 7. Time to crack another beer.
-Big pass play to WR Hartline, the kid looks like a really good player. By the way Ohio State only has two senior starters so expect them to be the favorite to win the Big Ten again next year.
-Freshman Safety Chad Jones is going to develop into one of the best defensive players in the nation within the next couple of years. The kid can flat out play and has a nose for the ball.
-Band shot, take another!
-4th and 7 here, my bets are Boeckman will be looking for Hartline on a cross pattern.
-Boeckman was looking for Hartline but good coverage on LSU's part. Now that was some swarming, nasty defense. LSU ball on the fumble recovery.
-Booth review stands, 15 yard penalty for trying to decapitate the QB or something like that.
-Band shot, take another!
-Big 3 and out there by the Buckeye defense. With that being said they are going to need some big plays soon with 9 minutes left in the game to have a chance of tying it.
-Band shots, take 2 shots!
-Band shots, take 2 more!
-Brilliant fucking call there on 3rd down Tressel.
-You might want to hurry it up there a little bit Buckeyes.
-Glenn Dorsey with a big strip/sack. Recovered by Boeckman.
-Holy shit, Chad Jones is also a badass baseball player. Drafted in the third round by the Astros, that kid has the world by his balls.
-Finally, the second Poon shot of the telecast. Great job Fox.
-Band shot, take another.
-Interception, this game is over. Horrible pass by Boeckman.
-Good job by Doucet or Dipshit as I call him for running out of bounds.
-Band shot, take another!
-Ali Highsmith got away with that hit to Boeckman that caused the fumble, looked pretty bush league to me.
-First instance of LES-ticles, going for it on 4th down instead of punting. This game is officially over!
-Band shot, take another!
-Touchdown LSU. Blowout city again. SEC Champions=BCS Champions
-Band shots, take 5 more!
-LSU 38 Ohio State 17
-Ohio State loves that crossing pattern to Hartline. Touchdown Buckeyes.
LSU 38 Ohio State 24
-Band shot, take another!
-Well, 4 out of 5 BCS games were stinkers this year. Good thing we don't have a playoff because then 2 loss teams could win a National Title. Oh wait, yeah, can't use that excuse anymore as a reason not to have a playoff.
-You know an Angel gets it's wings everytime a Buckeye fan cries. Tonight about 4 million of them got their wings.
-Great scene with Bo Pelini with the Gatorade dunking.
-LSU IS THE BCS NATIONAL CHAMPIONS.
-Glenn Dorsey is going to get Shaq type ass tonight.
-Band shots, take a lot more, drink till you forgot about this stinker.
-See you in the morning, or late afternoon, whenever I decide to wake up. Oh yeah, Ohio State is now 0-9 against the SEC in bowl games.
-The SEC is now 4-0 in BCS National Championship games.
-The SEC is the best conference, end of discussion.
Monday, January 07, 2008
MONKEYS PAY FOR SEX TOO!
TIME magazine is reporting that Ohio State fans are not the only ones paying for sex now a days, even monkeys do it.
It turns out that one of humanity's oldest professions may be even older than we thought: In a recent study of macaque monkeys in Indonesia, researchers found that male primates "paid" for sexual access to females — and that the going rate for such access dwindled as the number of available females went up.
I often wondered on lonely nights how much some hot monkey ass would cost but never thought somebody would actually research it. I can't confirm the rumor that ex-Atlanta Falcon and prostitute lover Eugene Robinson offered up his services for the experiment.
Honestly I'm not surprised monkeys pay for sex, the writing has been on the wall for years...
BCS CHAMPIONSHIP: BATTLE OF THE POON
Forget about the game preview since we will be drunk blogging it tonight, here is a little Poon Preview...
LSU Poon, courtesy of PoonSEC...
vs.
Ohio State Poon
Some of the Ohio State chicks have a little caveman in them so I think we have to give the edge to LSU. Since tonight's game is on FOX there is little chance we will see any poon coverage considering how much they love to show the bands. In all honesty if FOX wants to make up for their shitty coverage so far they will zoom in on the poon and let the nation enjoy it. Just for the love of God please stop showing the bands. We demand poon!
A.J. HARMON "KINDA" COMMITS TO GEORGIA
Offensive lineman A.J. Harmon is the #1 rated prep offensive guard in the nation but even after verbally committing to Georgia during the US Army All-American game he still doesn't exactly know who #1 is among his choices. This is even after he claimed he was a 100% committed to Clemson...
"When I committed to them [Clemson] I was 100 percent," Harmon said. "I am 100 percent Georgia right now.
"But I know it is not over until February," he said. "I hope I can make a decision by February."
See this is the new world of recruiting. Today a verbal pledge means little to the recruit or the coaches recruiting them. It just means the team they committed to is the current leader. And in the instance of a few recruit head cases out there it really means nothing. In some cases I can understand a recruit opening up their recruitment whether it deals with grades, coaching changes, or being closer to home. But in the case of Harmon I really just want to shake the big guy and tell him to make up his fucking mind. If you are not sure then why commit?
With a little over 4 weeks left till National Signing Day, here are some of the recruits who "verbally" declared this past weekend in the US Army All-American game and ESPN's Under Armor Game:
-Patrick Johnson, the #1 rated cornerback in the nation, committed to LSU after an earlier verbal to Miami. Johnson is the type of player who can step in right away and play and if he indeed lands in Les Miles hands he is a major coup out of the Florida area.
-Deion Walker, a 6'3 top 5 wide receiver in the nation out of Virginia verbally committed to Notre Dame at the Under Armor game. Walker joins a Notre Dame class that is currently #1 ranked by Rivals.com and joins Michael Floyd and John Goodman in the current class of 6'3 or tall receivers. Walker will need to put on some weight before he see the playing field in South Bend.
-LSU picked up a home-state product in TE Tyler Edwards out of nearby Monroe. Edwards is a top 5 prep tight end in the country and was offered by every major SEC power.
-Georgia lost out on a home product in WR Josh Jarboe out of Cedar Grove high school. Jarboe is a top 10 prep wide receiver who verbally committed to Bob Stoops and Oklahoma. Expect early playing time for Jarboe next season in Norman, he is that good.
-Solomon Koehler, a DT out of Hawaii, pledged to Arizona despite heavily weighing an offer from his home state. Maybe the departure of June Jones played a part or maybe he just wanted to go to school in the desert with a ton of hot chicks. I think I will go with the later.
-Gerell Robinson, a great all-around player who will play receiver in college, picked Arizona State over Notre Dame at the US Army game. Rumors had been flying that Robinson looked to be all Irish leading up to the declaration, but Robinson decided to stay close to home and attend ASU. He will have a chance to play right away in Tempe and can also play safety in the college game.
-MarQueis Gray, a highly touted QB out of Indianapolis picked the Minnesota Gophers. More than likely this will be the last time you hear about him till he senior season when he leads the Gophers to a 7 win season.
-Offensive tackle Matt Patchan picked the Gators over heavily-favored Miami. One of the top 10 offensive tackles in the nation, Patchan's father played for Miami in the mid 80's but decided Gainesville would be the best place to get his dick wet for the next 4 years.
-Pitt and Dave Wannstedt(insert joke here) picked up a huge commit in ILB Shayne Hale. Hale decided to stay in-state over going to Ohio State and playing for National Championships. Sounds like a wise decision to me. Oh yeah, Hale could play right away and is versatile enough to also play some defensive end.
-Ryan Williams, a top 5 prep runningback, picked his in-state Hokies over Rutgers and Boston College at the Under Armor game. Williams has a chance to play early in Blacksburg and is a big pick up for Frank Beamer.
-Brandon Smith picked Michigan. He is an athlete out of New Jersey who looks big enough to be a linebacker in college.
Of course the #1 recruit in the nation is QB Terrelle Pryor out of Jeanette, PA. Watching him for the first time live in the US Army game I came away very impressed and can see why he is so heavily hyped. Who ever wins the battle for his service will be getting a great player who has the look of future All-American written all over him. Right now Ohio State, Michigan, and Oregon are in an all out battle. I pray everyday he doesn't pick Michigan.
Friday, January 04, 2008
MIKE TRANGHESE=DUMB RICH PRICK
You know I was going to take it easy with the whole non-playoff system known as the BCS because frankly I was tired of arguing about something so easy to implement yet so hard at the same time. But then I read this article today from SI.com's Stewart Mandel on Why a Playoff Will Never Happen 
"The one thing [all] of us are in agreement on is there isn't going to be a playoff.
Whenever my [league's] presidents have asked me about the positives and negatives of a playoff, I tell them the two positives are [more] money and people will stop yelling and screaming," said Tranghese. "And the negative is that the value and meaning of the regular season will be diminished. Playoff proponents who say that's not true -- that's just pure stupidity."
Tranghese points to Pittsburgh's upset of West Virginia the final night of the regular season, a riveting game that severely impacted the national-championship picture. "If there had been a playoff, who would have watched that game?" he said. "It would have no meaning. West Virginia would already be in the playoff.
"The BCS has created what I call cross-watching," said Tranghese. "An LSU fan had interest in that game, an Ohio State fan had interest in that game. Most of that would go away if we had a football playoff -- that is one thing I'm certain of."
Okay, let's examine Tranghese's first statement of "the negative is that the value and meaning of the regular season will be diminished. Playoff proponents who say that's not true -- that's just pure stupidity." So you are telling me as the leader of the Big East Conference that most people in this nation as college football fans are going to stop watching and caring about the regular season because it won't mean anything if we have a playoff. You know how fucking dumb that sounds. I feel like I just lost a little bit of sanity having to type those words coming out of his mouth. Does he really think people will stop showing up and watching games because they will only care about the playoffs and not whether or not their favorite team or alma mater wins in order to make the playoffs? College football fans are not idiots like Tranghese. Seriously, how did a guy this feeble minded get his job? We may be crazy and irrational when it comes to our own teams but we are not fucking monkeys who can be told what we will watch and care about and what we will not. This guy has no fucking clue and the only "pure stupidity" is the words coming out of his mouth.
Let's move on to his example of the Pitt-West Virginia game. He claims nobody would watch it because West Virginia would already be guaranteed a spot in the playoffs. So by his own rational the other 31 bowl games and countless other regular season games not involving the two teams in the BCS Championship game are pointless and nobody watches them because nobody cares. Funny isn't it? He seems to forget that West Virginia would be playing for the right to a more favorable match up in the first round of a playoff or for a right to play closer to home. This guy seems to think with a playoff nobody will watch the Big East conference or care about it because they would get their asses handed to them in a playoff or at least that is the way it sounds to me.
I also love his "cross-watching" theory of fans from other parts of the country will lose interest in college football regular season games. Personally I lose interest in watching all these meaningless bowl games when I know deep down they don't mean shit other than bragging rights, tv ratings, and money in people's pockets. I mean why would I and millions of others watch all these BCS games and other bowl games when Tranghese knows for a fact that we have no interest in them because of the BCS Championship Game is the only one with National Championship implications. Makes sense right?
I strongly urge all of you reading this if you in some what agree with what I have to say and want to let Tranghese know what you think about a playoff system then email him at mtranghese@bigeast.org. Again his email address is
MTRANGHESE@BIGEAST.ORG.
Email the douchebag and tell him how you feel about what he thinks about your "stupidity." Also you can email the BCS at BCSFOOTBALLORG@HOTMAIL.COM. If you really want a good laugh you can check out the BCS website and notice on the right menu toolbar a few headlines reading:
• Don't mess with BCS
• BCS better than a playoff
• An interview with Mike Slive
• The BCS Works
• Ex-Ga. Tech QB sees folly of playoffs
I can't believe they actually put those on their website to justify anything they do or say.
Also here is the "Unofficial Official Guide To Better Understanding The Reasoning Why The BCS Works And Why A Playoff Doesn't You Fucking Numb nut" presented by the founding members of all the bowls, college presidents, and commissioners of the BCS System.
And for those wondering, here is Tranghese's earlier career work before his promotion to Big East Commissioner under a pen name called The Merrill Howard Kalin Show...
Wait for at least the 5:48 mark, it's disturbing and hysterical to say the least.
PREGNANT JAMIE LYNN SPEARS SPEAKS OUT
I'm still shocked to this day of hearing Britney's little sister is knocked up. And to think of how young and innocent she is by shown in the video above is just disgusting what Brit-Brit is doing to her. The Spears' Family photo is right next to the definition of trailer trash in my Merriam-Webster dictionary. Personally I thought it would have been more appropriate to put Bobby Petrino's picture on there but that is another discussion. I don't know where I'm going with this so I will just stop and sip this frosty NewCastle Brown Ale. Sweet nectar of baby Jesus.
Question: Name me two things you didn't know still existed on the Major League Baseball Level?
ANSWER: THE ROYALS AND HIDEO NOMO
Yesterday the Kansas City Star reported the Royals inked the aging 39 year old Japanese pitcher to a minor league deal with an invitation to Spring Training. To my surprise I thought both Kansas City and Hideo Nomo died and were buried in independent baseball leagues a long time ago. Apparently both have met, kissed, made up, and will start touring this Spring at a Flea Market near you. This is how bad MLB is right now. The Kansas City Royals, who used to be a very proud and honorable franchise in the 80's and actually won games, is now a AAA affiliate because Bud Selig can't implement a strict salary cap. Instead the Royals have to sign aging Japanese gopher ball pitchers while the Yankees and Red Sox battle it out for Johan Santana's rights. Seems fair right?
I know the Royals have been fucked for more reasons than just a salary cap. Shitty upper level management is the main culprit. It's similar to the Catholic church.
Wait for lightning bolt.
Okay, I'm still alive. Seriously if the Catholic Church had some good upper level management in the Vatican City they would have squashed the whole "priests touching boys naughty parts" a long time ago before dishing out hundreds of millions for pain and suffering. If the Royals had some decent upper level management(owner, VP, GM, scout director, etc.) they would have been able to squash the pain and suffering their loyal fans have encountered for decades of horrible baseball. Don't send me hate mail Kansas City and religious freak people, I've had a one way ticket to hell ever since I voted for George Bush.
So I guess we can blame the fall of the Catholic Church, Hideo Nomo, and the Kansas City Royals on none other than the New York Yankees. Why you ask? Because those dicks had some decent management and a shit load of money and fucked up the whole planet starting in the mid 90's. I so need a beer right now.
SOMEONE FORGOT TO TAKE THEIR CRAZY PILLS
A Nation watches in horror as the once proud pop queen is gurneyed out by the paramedics from her own home! Seriously, what the fuck happened to this crazy bitch? I know she is an overweight, no talent assclown now but she used to be the shit before she met K-Fed. See, I'm hip with the lingo bitches! Anyways, I was up all night watching the latest on her...err, umm, scratch that. I mean I was up masturbating all night to Skinemax and was wondering if we have ever seen anybody fall this hard this fast. Sure we had the King of Pop himself but that was a long, slow fall because he paid off thousands of sick kids and their parents to not rat his touchy feely ass out. Britney now has two kids who she is going to lose all custody rights to them because she is a junkie whore. It's similar to watching Roger Clemens Hall of Fame career slowly go down the shitter. Yeah, I can't wait to hear his pathetic excuses this week on "60 Minutes" when he is being interviewed by the guy who sank the Titanic. Oh sure, it was just B-12 shot Rocket! I haven't heard that before you lying fucker.
And yes, if you are wondering I still have a functional penis despite going to TMZ.com to see the latest celebrity news.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
A NEW DRINKING GAME
If you have watched any of the first 3 BCS games covered on Fox for more than 30 seconds then you realize that they have a serious fucked up fetish over the school's bands. In fact tonight I decided to count how many times they showed the band and lost count at 80. I've never seen so many ugly fat band chicks since...well, Wednesday nights Fiesta Bowl. So anyways I figured this calls for a new drinking game for the BCS Championship on Monday. At first I thought we should do shots of liquor every time they show the band but then realized all of us would either lose our jobs on Tuesday or die. So I think we should make it a shot of beer. I know it sounds kind of pussy to do shots of beer and might remind a lot of people of getting drunk in high school but if we do liquor I will pass out and piss on myself before the end of the 1st quarter with the rate Fox loves to show the band geeks. So let's keep it beer and I recommend everybody getting at least a case of the light stuff per person. The lower the alcohol percentage the better. I don't want any lawsuits from your wives or girlfriends for causing any brain damage or bladder infections.
Be sure to spread the word this weekend to all your buds, family, and dogs and let's see how many people we can get aboard this great new drinking game called the Sportscrack BCS Band Drink Till You Drunk Dial An Ex Type of Game. Sounds catchy doesn't it?
In fact I might try to live blog it and see how ridiculous my posts/rants/screams of love and pain get as the game goes on and the band continues to strike our beer loving palate.
Please do it at home, you don't want to end up like this guy...
DARK KNIGHT TRAILER
I'm going to go out on a limb and say this will be the best "Batman" film yet. The Joker is without a doubt the best villain in any comic-based film series and the biggest mistake of the original "Batman" film was killing off Jack Nicholson's Joker. After that there was no way the Penguin, Mr. Freeze, or the Riddler were ever going to match the insanity and pure brilliance of the Joker. It appears from the trailer Heath Ledger has nailed the role harder than Maggie Gylenhaal's brother in Brokeback.
In other film news, Batman's Christian Bale has signed on to play John Connor in the upcoming "Terminator" film set to be released in 2009. Also in other film news Lindsay Lohan is still an alcoholic whore and the ending of "No Country for Old Men" completely destroyed a potentially great film up to that point.
JENNIFER ANISTON IS LIKE FINE WINE
It baffles me, the older Aniston gets the better she looks. Take for instance the picture above which was recently taken by stalkerrazzi. Just a year under 40, Aniston continues to shine while ladies like Pamela Anderson turn into transsexual hookers. She is like the Roger Clemens of actresses minus the smug attitude and swollen vagina.
BASEBALL PLAYERS NAILING FAT CHICKS DRINK
Apparently Boston Red Sox 1B and all-around ugly dude Kevin Youkilis has signed on to be the official pitchman of a new drink called "Slump Buster." How great is it that we now have a drink that is inspired by baseball players breaking a hitting slump by nailing the fattest chick possible? Of course in high school we called it hogging and it wasn't to break a slump or anything. Just for shits and giggles and a bruised pelvic area and occasionally the dislocated hip. Ahhh, the good times!
Anyways if you want to add them to your MySpace friends feel free to check them out.
WHITE SOX ACQUIRE NICK SWISHER
Finally we have some hot stove news after a couple weeks off due to the holidays. The Chicago White Sox have just acquired OF Nick Swisher from the A's for minor leaguers Gio Gonzalez, Faustino De Los Santos, and Ryan Sweeney. Swisher will more than likely be the starting center fielder in the Southside and is a great pickup to go in the outfield along with newly acquired Carlos Quentin from the Diamondbacks. Instantly the White Sox and GM Kenny Williams have revitalized the Sox offense with some youth in the outfield for at least the next 2-3 seasons.
Swisher should be an instant fan favorite especially with the ladies(pictured above) and is good for 20-35 HRs along with a .380 plus on base percentage. His big bang potential in Chicago is at least 50 ladies too.
But you know with dealing with Billy Beane and the A's the White Sox were going to have to give up a lot to get Swisher. Gonzalez and De Los Santos are the two best pitchers in the White Sox farm system and Sweeney used to be a highly regarded center fielder with All-Star potential. The A's are rebuilding right now so don't be surprised if more guys like Joe Blanton or Huston Street are traded in the coming weeks.
I think this was a good trade for both teams. The White Sox needed to add more punch to their lineup and get a guy in Swisher who is 27 years old that can add that dimension for at least the next 2 seasons. In a division as tough as the AL Central with the Tigers and Indians looking as viable World Series contenders it was imperative for the White Sox to make a move like this. The A's are just reloading their talent base and will be an up and coming team 2-3 years down the road.
RYAN MALLETT PLANNING TO TRANSFER
According to ToledoBlade.com new Michigan head coach Rich Rodriguez might have already lost his best returning offensive player. Freshman QB Ryan Mallett is apparently looking elsewhere with the hot rumor leading him to Rick Neuheisel and UCLA...
There is speculation out of Ann Arbor that freshman quarterback Ryan Mallett has decided to leave Michigan and will transfer to UCLA, according to a person close to the team.
Michigan associate athletic director Bruce Madej said no paperwork has come across his desk regarding Mallett's transfer and that as far as he knows, Mallett is still enrolled at Michigan.
"He came back with us, so I just saw him yesterday," Madej said. "He was talking with the guys about seeing them next week."
Mallett told The Blade on Dec. 26 during the team's preparations for the Capital One Bowl in Orlando that he wanted to remain a Wolverine next season.
Retired Michigan coach Lloyd Carr said Wednesday he was aware of Mallett's decision but would leave it up to him to make the announcement.
"What I hope is Ryan Mallett stays at Michigan," Carr said Wednesday before boarding a team bus at Orlando's Peabody Hotel. "Because I think potentially he can be one of the great quarterbacks that's come along. He's matured dramatically in the last two or three months."
In a fill-in role for oft-injured quarterback Chad Henne, Mallett started three games this season for the Wolverines and appeared in eight others, throwing for 892 yards with seven touchdowns and five interceptions. He was 3-0 in his starts against Notre Dame, Penn State and Minnesota.
Mallett seems like an odd fit for Rodriguez's spread offense attack so it should come as no surprise he is looking elsewhere. It's an unfortunate situation because Mallett has the skills and fortitude to be a great QB in the future and would be a big loss for the Wolverine program and all the lovely Ann Arbor poon. If Mallett decides to leave Michigan it is presumed by many Wolverine fans that #1 recruit QB Terrelle Pryor will be wearing the Maize and Blue next season. Unfortunately for UM fans that seems far fetched since Pryor seems to be a heavy lean to arch rival Ohio State and has been seen budding it up this week with some Buckeye commits such as OL Mike Adams at the US Army All-American practices. If Rodriguez loses both Mallett and doesn't secure Pryor this could be a real short term marriage with Britney Spears like nastiness ensuing in Ann Arbor.
Meanwhile in West Virginia people laugh as they celebrate their Fiesta Bowl victory and salivate at the chance of watching another full season of Pat White and Noel Devine in the same backfield.
TEXAS' RB CHARLES ENTERING DRAFT, #1 RECRUIT TO REPLACE?
Yesterday superfast, superfly tailback Jamaal Charles (1619 yards rushing, 18 TDs) declared himself NFL worthy by throwing his hat into early entry for the NFL Draft. Charles will be a big loss for the Longhorns who are looking to build momentum off a Holiday Bowl victory over Arizona State into the 2008 season. But could the loss of NCAA All-American sprinting champ Charles make them the favorite to land the #1 RB recruit in the nation in Darrell Scott? It appears so...
Darrell Scott said before Longhorn running back Jamal Charles declared for the NFL Draft, "Really, it's whether or not Jamal Charles comes back. It will be big if he leaves. I don't want to sit out my freshman year. I'm trying to hop in and make some chaos somewhere," the Austin American Statesman reports.
Additionally, it appears that Colorado, where his uncle Josh Smith plays, LSU, and Florida are the other programs in the mix for his signature on national signing day.
Earlier in the week ND commit Jonas Gray stated he and a lot of the other players attending the US Army All-American game thought Scott was already a Longhorn. If Scott does indeed become a Longhorn as expected he has a good chance of at least splitting carries with sophomore Vondrell McGee at tailback next season. It's interesting to note that QB Colt McCoy was the second leading rusher for the Longhorns this season with almost 500 yards.
Oh yeah, Scott had over 3000 yards rushing during his junior campaign! Here is an interview I found of Scott with stalker/high school recruit expert Tom Lemming from a year back...
Also here are some more highlights of Scott to the music of Rage Against the Machine...
CAM CAMERON FIRED, KIRK NEXT?
Bill Parcells is taking his new job as VP of Football Operations very serious and destroying any poor soul involved with the massacre that was the 2007 Miami Dolphins season. The latest to get fired is head coach Cam Cameron after a 1-15 season.
Parcells made the decision to fire Cameron in consultation with new general manager Jeff Ireland, hired Wednesday after seven years in player personnel with the Dallas Cowboys.
"We just felt in order to move forward and not look back, we needed someone in place who shared the same philosophical compatibilities we shared," Ireland said. "We didn't really know the guy that well. We were going to try to get someone that does share those things, and we weren't completely sold that he did."
Ireland said the philosophy he and Parcells share involves creating a culture of winning.
"We want strong character around here," Ireland said. "The vision of the team will be discipline, passionate players, highly competitive. And we'll be a big team."
So I guess you are telling me drafting a punt returner/third receiver with the #9 pick in Ted Ginn and then justifying not taking Brady Quinn with that pick by drafting John Beck in the second round was a not so smart pick. The Dolphins thought they were drafting the whole Ginn family last year only to realize they drafted a guy who is not even close to a poor man's version of Devin Hester.
In essence we all saw the writing on the wall for Cameron and GM Randy Mueller by this reaction from the Dolphin's fan base on learning they made one of the all-time dumbdick moves in NFL Draft History...
I love Chris Mortenson's line at the end: "Yeah, but what do the fan's know?" Apparently a lot more about football than Cameron or Mueller.
OWEN SCHMIDT=RUNAWAY BEER TRUCK
I don't even know what it really means in relation to mohawk wearing Schmidt but I like the nickname given to him by the Fox announcer. West Fuckin Virginia pounded the Oklahoma Sooners into submission last night giving the Sooners their 4th straight BCS loss. If this was Notre Dame of course the whole nation would be screaming bloody murder but that is another discussion for a drunk day. The blowout win convinced West Virginia officials to name interim coach Bill Stewart the new permanent one today after a convincing 48-28 win in which the Mountaineers played with more passion and determination than the Sooners. Anyone thinking that passion doesn't play a part in the college game today needs to hit the playback button on this game because West Virginia won it simply because they wanted it more.
I'm not going to lie this game was brutal to watch because of the band factor. After every fucking play the stupid Sooners band would break out their dumb fucking tune that was more annoying than a mariachi band. I know I'm going to get a lot of shit from band geeks and band lovers but I could really do without bands all together in the college game. I don't mind the halftime stuff or them leading the team out before the game starts but I can't stand hearing them play their stupid gay tune after every play. It's more annoying than a case of severe beer diarrhea.
Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing
