OH MY GOD, TIGER WOODS CURSES?

I do find it pretty ironic ESPN decided to let Dana "Fuck Notre Dame" Jacobson question the great Tiger Woods about using profanity in the heat of the battle. Wait a second, heat of what battle? This is fucking golf people. You know how hard it is to hit a little white ball straight while people are making noise around you. Thankfully football, baseball, basketball, hockey, and soccer players don't have to deal with such unruly and disgusting behavior such as someone trying to take their picture while they perform. I feel so bad for Tiger Woods having to deal with camera clicks on his downswing, how could one not go in a profanity laced tirade?

This non-story actually brings me back to a time when I attended the PGA Championship with my buddy Chuck back in 2001. Chuck and I are huge hackers and boozers out on the golf course and we have been known to use some profanity and even throw some golf clubs because the sport can be so frustrating at times because we suck so bad. Anyways, a year earlier we saw Tiger lose it on TV as he started shouting at the cameramen "WATCH THE CAMERA GUYS" in his best Dave Chappelle white guy voice. So of course after drinking a few cold ones we thought it would be hilarious if we started yelling at Tiger "HEY TIGER, WATCH THE CAMERAS!" Yes, it was juvenile as shit but funny none the less. You could see Tiger was just seething at us as he stared us down and it actually fucked up his whole game that weekend. He finished 29th. It was great.

The moral of the story: Not sure, but Tiger doesn't like to be fucked with while playing a game he dominates. And he sure as hell doesn't like to be asked stupid questions from a donkey with a microphone who herself likes to curse uncontrollably once she gets a little Vodka in her system.

Dear God, not in his swing people! Have you no mercy or dignity!

CHRIS WEBBER RETIRES

The most talented member of the original Fab Five at Michigan, I honestly had no idea Chris Webber was still playing basketball or even dated Tyra Banks. Webber's career is kind of undefinable. He was never a huge superstar partially because he played the majority of his career in Sacramento and also because he could never stay healthy. The most games he ever played in one season was actually his rookie season with 76. He will always be remembered for the ill timed timeout in the 1993 NCAA Championship game against North Carolina which prevented him and his talented yet eventually heavily sanctioned class from winning a title. For the most part of his career he averaged over 20 points and 10 rebounds a game yet his name doesn't come up when you think of top power forwards of all-time in the NBA. C-Webb, in my best non-gay description, I know it's difficult, was a good looking cat who probably scored tons of tail so none of us should feel sorry for him since he never played for a NBA Title or likely won't make the Hall of Fame. Playing basketball is about making money and scoring ass and we all know C-Webb scored a lot doing both.

So good-bye C-Webb, blow Tyra for me. Oh shit, I meant blow her a kiss or do a line off her ass, whatever shakes your boat.

KAZ MATSUI HAS SURGERY TO REPAIR ANAL FISSURE

Talk about one of the shittiest ways to go on the disabled list, Houston Astros newly acquired 2B Kaz Matsui could miss up to four weeks to recover from surgery to repair anal fissure the club announced today. Frankly I had never even heard of the phrase "anal fissure" and hopefully none of us will ever be diagnosed with it after reading about it on Wikipedia. According to Wikipedia here are some of what might be the causes to Matsui's sphincter pain...

Most anal fissures are caused by stretching of the anal mucosa beyond its capability. Many acute anal fissures will heal spontaneously. Some fissures become chronic and will not heal. The most common cause for this is spasm of the internal anal sphincter muscle. This spasm causes poor blood flow to the anal mucosa, hence producing an ulcer which does not heal since it is deprived of normal blood supply.

I guess it's a good thing Matsui isn't a close friend of Alex Rodriguez or a Turkish oil wrestler or he would be so fucked. Matsui isn't expected to be back till mid April
in case you were wondering.

CORY LIDLE BACK FROM THE GRAVE?

Scott's Shots uncovered this interesting transaction blurb courtesy of ESPN.com on March 24, 2008. Apparently Lidle never passed away in that horrible plane crash in New York City nearly two years ago as we were to believe. Obviously the WWL fucked up on this one and meant no harm or embarrassment to the Lidle family. Obviously the only person who has come back from the dead is Amy Winehouse(hmmm...back in rehab...shocker there).

HEATHER MILLS IS A CRAZY BITCH

You know this has nothing to do with sports but I just wanted everybody to know how much of a skank, psycho bitch former Mrs. Paul McCartney known today as Heather Mills is even after being awarded over $47 fucking million last week for being married to the famous Beetle for just over 4 years. She wants more, a lot more money according to Telegraph...

Heather Mills has hired a new team of forensic accountants to try to prove that ex-husband Paul McCartney is worth double the £400 million he claimed in their divorce struggle, according to friends of the former model.

The Daily Mail reports that Miss Mills has told friends she cannot support daughter Beatrice on the £35,000 a year awarded at the High Court, and is hoping to force Sir Paul to increase the payments.

Speaking outside the court immediately after the settlement, Miss Mills told reporters: "He's been worth £800million for the last 15 years."

She has also claimed to have recordings of McCartney saying he is worth £800million.

The 2007 Sunday Times Rich List estimated McCartney's wealth at £825million, including £400million held by his media company MPL Communications, and £138m inherited from his first wife, Linda.

Miss Mills had hired accountancy firm Lee and Allen in an attempt to discredit Sir Paul's own valuation of his wealth.

So in other words Mills is not satisfied with an insane child support number of 35,000 pounds a year which equates to nearly $70,000 in American dollars to raise a child. You have to be fucking kidding me. What is she going to be feeding the kid everyday, filet mignon and lobster? Maybe endangered whale blubber? I get it that she was married for 4 years to one of the wealthiest men in the world but she honestly doesn't deserve shit. She preyed on Paul with her prosthetic leg, her fake blonde hair and her shitty British accent. She makes a lot of the good and honest women out there look bad by her actions. I wish the court system would look at cases like the McCartney-Mills divorce and see how unnecessarily greedy a person like Mills is and award her with a check for $2 and the child's sole parental custody to Sir Paul.

Why $2? So she can get some bus fare because a person of her self worth isn't worthy of even a taxi cab in my opinion.

Mills and A-Rod would be perfect for each other.

2 GIRLS 1 CUP SONG

I'm already nominating this for Song of the Year. Screw any Coldplay or Rianna or whoever the fuck is popular right now. This song says it all. I might have to play it at my wedding in May just to see the mother-in-law's reaction. And I'm going to go ahead and nominate My New Haircut as funniest video of the year.

GREAT BEER INVENTION: TABLE TAP

Table Top Beer Taps
Uploaded by neither_Bug_nor_Crank

If you live here in Atlanta you should go down to STATS, a one of a kind sports bar near the Aquarium where you can pour your own beer.

Yes, I said that right.

You can pour pints of your favorite beer using their Table Tap system without having to wait in line at the bar. And if you are a physically unattractive dude like myself without the benefits of a vagina or huge breasts you know how difficult it can be to get a beer at any bar.

The Table Tap system was made in mind for us alcoholics who hate to wait in line for a cold one. They even have NewCastle Brown Ale on tap. God bless them.

Video HT: Deadspin

GERRY FAUST INTERVIEW

Interview conducted by Nick Ironside, an aspiring writer who also works for New Era Scouting.

1) Talk about your love for Notre Dame – how did it start and why is it still so strong?

Ever since I was a kid, playing CYO football in the fifth or sixth grade, I used to listen to Notre Dame on the radio. I had a great love for them, and also I used to watch them on Sunday morning when they had them on TV – the replays. And then when I was coaching at Moeller [high school], a lot of the kids I coached there went to Notre Dame; and they loved it. They were always treated right, and every one of those kids that went from Moeller to Notre Dame got their degree. And those were 26 student athletes, over a period of about 22 years. So that’s how I began to love Notre Dame, and they were my favorite team. My second two favorite teams were the Army and Navy teams – I used to listen to them and they used to play every year. One year I’d root for Army and the next year I’d root for Navy, but Notre Dame was my number one school.

2) You had the best high school football team in the country back in the ‘70’s at Moeller high school. Why was that team so successful?

Well four of our last five teams were national champs. We had such great tradition, we never had a real bad season, and we started out our first senior class in 1963, in a real tough league – a Catholic league and we were 9-1. That was our first varsity football team, and those kids sort of set the tone, and ever since that time we had nine undefeated seasons – and in two of the undefeated seasons we lost in the playoffs, and five other teams we went all the way. And two other teams went undefeated when there were not playoffs at that time – ’65-’69. Real playoffs didn’t start until ’72 or ’73. The reason we were so successful at Moeller was we starting tuning in that first year, and we didn’t make the young man play both ways. We asked them to play offense or defense, and for four years they would play on that side of the ball, and about 90% of them knew what the offense was, knew what the defense was, and they made very few mistakes.

3) How was the coaching change from high school to college different?

Recruiting is one thing that’s different, because you don’t recruit in high school, and at the college level you have to recruit hard and long – that’s one thing. The other thing is the speed difference and the size difference. It’s so dramatic of a change. The third thing is when I was coaching in the high school level we were spending our time preparing for the next game, where in college football you have to do it all day long, the practice and for games, because that’s all you do- football. At Moeller, when I was the athletic director things took a lot of time. At the college level the speed was so much faster, and since you had more time, the whole complexity of the game was more complicated. It’s a big jump from high school to college – even to play as well as to coach it. And I would think the same thing is from college to the pros.


4) How would you describe your tenure at Notre Dame on and off the field? How about at Moeller high school?

Well first at Moeller – it was unbelievable because we had such a great coaching staff, and we had great kids – everyone in the district wanted to come to Moeller high school. When I left Moeller we were undefeated on all three levels – our freshmen team was undefeated for two or three years, our sophomore team was undefeated – we had 220 kids playing football on all three levels. I would’ve never left Moeller except for Notre Dame – I loved Moeller, but going to Notre Dame was the dream of a lifetime, and my five years at Notre Dame we didn’t win as many games as I’d like to have seen us win, but I loved every minute of it. It’s a great place – the people that worked there, the professors, the groundskeepers – they go there because they love the University and it’s a great University, and with the Holy Cross priests and brothers – it didn’t come any better. So my five years at Notre Dame, even though we won more then we lost, we didn’t get the job done the way I felt we should’ve got it done, and so that’s why I stepped down. It was a great five years, and the pressure was tough. When you don’t win when you love a place, it makes it even a little tougher. But when people ask me would I do it again, the answer is without a doubt. Without even hesitating. Would I do things differently? Yes, I would. And I’d do a lot of things differently – The third thing is if the results had been the same would I have done it again? Yes. Because it was the five years where I got to live the dream. And I go back [to Notre Dame] all the time, and I go back to Moeller all the time, and ironically I’m down at Akron, so I go to Akron a lot too – to the University with the football and basketball coaches. But I go to five or six Notre Dame games a year, and I go to four or five Moeller games a year, and four or five Akron games a year. So the three places where I coached some, I’m still pretty close to all three places.

5) What advice would you give to coaches now who try and switch from high school to college?

I would tell them to research and take their time at hiring assistant coaches. Now don’t get me wrong, I had great coaches at Notre Dame, and they’ve done an excellent job. But one of the things I had at Moeller that I didn’t have at Notre Dame was cohesiveness. And I think when your staff come together, and being a rookie when I did it, I didn’t have that cohesiveness, and not everybody was on the same page. I think you have to be on the same page at any level of coaching. Same goals, same principles, same ideas, and loyalty.

6) What would you say are keys to recruiting football players?

Well first of all a lot of mistakes are made in recruiting because it’s hard to predict how the kid is going to progress in college, and being a part of your program – that’s the first thing. The second thing is you have to recruit where you have weaknesses, so you can create depth. Third thing is, you’ve got to recruit quality human beings. The kid could be a great football player, but maybe he’s a bum. It’s not worth the trouble and it causes you more trouble. And you’ve got to work hard at it. It’s not an easy job, and you have to be thorough. So I thought our recruiting was real good while I was there, and I think we had five really great years. We were able to close in on a lot of great kids and a lot of great athletes. And it paid off as the years went on, because coach Holtz molded them into the national championship football team a few years later.

7) What would you say to a recruit to get him to go to Notre Dame?

Well first of all, you have to know the family and you have to know the young man. Thirdly, you have to know what his goals are. Fourthly you have to let him know where he stands in terms of in the future of the program and where he fits in. And fifthly, you have to convince him that if he’s Catholic a Catholic education is important. If he’s academically very strong you have to convince him that he’s going to get the best education.

8) What is the moment you remember best at Notre Dame?

Everybody asks me that question, and most people think it’s running out of the tunnel for the first time – but that’s not it. The first day of spring football, I invited the community – the South Bend community to come and watch practice, and over 5,000 people came out there and we had to get the security, and the policemen to keep them back so we could practice. And it was a rainy, cold, windy day. I was working with the kickers and then the whole football team met at the gate, and started to run on the field, to do calisthenics warm ups, to loosen up. I wanted to be the first one over there, so I ran over across the field, and I could see the dome up there and I looked up to the heavens, and since it was my first day at Notre Dame in practice I thanked the good lord, and the blessed mother for giving me this great opportunity. And as soon as I did that, said “Dear lady, dear lord; thank you for this great opportunity,” the sun broke through the clouds and shined on the golden dome; the blessed mother.

Other Nick Ironside articles:

-Put on a higher platform(a look at USC recruit Matt Barkley)


-Russell Shepard Interview: Part II

25 YEARS LATER THE ORIOLES STILL BLOW

It has been a long and painful 25 years since the Baltimore Orioles last celebrated with the bubbly after defeating the Philadelphia Phillies to capture their third World Series title. Who knew at the time that Eddie Murray and Cal Ripken Jr. would both go on to have elite Hall of Fame careers while the Orioles as a franchise would begin a slide in which they would make only two more playoff appearances during the last quarter century. It's pathetic but at least in this picture we can see a time where mutton chops were in style and Ripken actually had some hair while both destroyed plenty of bottles of booze and ladies in the aftermath of a World Series title.

Baseball was so innocent at the time. Sure there was cocaine but they didn't have a bunch of roided up douchebags who lie in front of the public and they sure as hell did not start the season in stinkin Japan. And Peter Angelos was just some a-hole lawyer who never found an ambulance he didn't love to chase. And I was 4 years old slinging rocks on the playground. It has been way too long since baseball really mattered in Baltimore. The Orioles will more than likely be the worst team in all of baseball this season. And yet I will still order the MLB Extra Innings Package so I can watch them down here in Atlanta as much as I please.

Being this loyal to a team really sucks balls sometimes.

Sigh!

BASEBALL SEASON KICKS OFF

I understand Bud Selig and MLB going after the globalization of baseball to help with the marketing of the game but it still seems a little fucked up to me that the first official game of our past time was played in Japan at 6 am this morning. The Red Sox of course came back and beat the A's 6-5 behind a blown save from A's closer Huston Street who gave up a homer to Brandon Moss(minor leaguer) in the ninth inning while also losing the game in the tenth inning while giving up a two run double to Manny Ramirez(4 RBI's with 3 extra base hits, Manny is going to have a huge contract year).

While this is a new season some things haven't changed since last season. Dice-K still looks like an overpaid imported bust. He pitched 5 innings in his homeland and walked 5 guys while laboring to throw consistent strikes with both his fastball and splitter. With the amount of money the Red Sox dished out to get the Japanese phenom he sure hasn't lived up to his hype.

JD Drew sat out the opening game in typical JD Drew fashion with a case of swollen vagina. Doctors confirmed it as lower back tightness which we all know is code for huge gaping vagina for Drew. I'm still shocked that redneck plays up in Boston.

In other baseball related news Jose Canseco hates Alex Rodriguez' guts according to JoeLavin.com and is throwing him under the bus in his latest steroid book, Vindicated: Big Names, Big Liars, and the Battle to Save Baseball....

Why all the hatred, you ask. Well, Canseco claims that A-Rod was trying to sleep with Canseco's wife. Apparently, even after Canseco had been nice enough to help A-Rod find a friendly steroids supplier, A-Rod kept calling Canseco's wife.

And, in case there's any further confusion about Canseco's true feelings, he ends the chapter by saying:

So A-Rod, if you're reading this book, and if I'm not getting through to you, let's get clear on one thing: I hate your fucking guts.

And since we all know Canseco has been one of the few guys who has been honest in order to make a buck off the steroid scandal I believe what he is saying. His "battle to save baseball" according to the title of his new book is bullshit. It's his battle to buy more douchebag Miami wearing fish net shirts for Canseco to show off his grotesques man tits. But yeah, Canseco hates A-Rod because he wanted to sleep with his wife...this season is going to be so entertaining.

PATRICK ROY'S SON IS A DICK

Wait till around the 1:30 mark when NHL Hall of Famer Patrick Roy's son, Jonathan, goes ape shit and decides to beat the hell out of the opposing goaltender. Quite a winner move there on Roy's part especially when the other goal tender had nothing to do with the fight and had no reason to fight back.

Can you say assault charges? You got to love the French Canadian announcers because they can make an all out hockey brawl sound like figure skating. Apparently Jonathan feels bad about giving the old #1 salute to the crowd also...

"I acted in an unacceptable way for an athlete. I gave the finger to the crowd and I used unacceptable words before TV cameras," Jonathan Roy said Monday at a news conference in Quebec City.

"I acted on the rush of the moment and frustration ... (but) I didn't have the right to act this way and I want to use this time to (apologize) to the Chicoutimi crowd and all those who heard those words on TV."

What people saw and heard, "that's not me. You will never see that side of (me) again," Roy said.

I think it is clear that Jonathan is a huge Michael Vick fan. French Canadians are weird.

Video HT: WithLeather

BACK FROM LAS VEGAS

I don't think you can ask for a more weird and crazy weekend in Vegas than a bachelor party during the opening weekend of March Madness. My whole body aches while I try to rid my body of gallons of booze and tears from getting my ass completely destroyed while shaking worse than Muhammad Ali holding the Olympic Torch. Vegas is a city, an environment, an experience which should only be allowed to happen once a year at the most but never mind I ignored this simple logic by spending 17 of the last 28 days there. Sincere thanks to all my buddies who showed up and reveled in the fact that I'm "the asshole" who is getting married. You guys know I have always been the asshole, it never took marriage to change that fact. So I'm sure some of your brackets are as fucked up as my liver right now. The Sportscrack Pool is alive and well and if you had Georgetown as your pick well then you look like the fucking asshole right now. I told you guys Roy Hibbert blows. Hibbert is softer than Charmin but like it is only good for whipping off shit and being thrown down the toilet, or in his case the Atlanta Hawks.

Less than a week till baseball starts. Thank God. As much as I love watching the NCAA tournament I am equally frustrated by CBS going back and forth between games while Greg Gumbel screws with my emotions. Just stick with one game on one channel please. You would think after years of doing it CBS would finally mature and get rid of the premature ejaculation that is their coverage. I guess not.

FUCK OFF CBS

Can they not stick with one fucking game on one fucking channel? Why do they keep switching games in between the five channels they have instead of just keeping one game throughout on the channel you pick? I'm seriously about to fly to New York and kick whoever is in charge of CBS Sports right in their junk for this constant flipping of games. I want to watch a game all the way through from beginning to end. I do not want Greg effing Gumbel telling us we are going out West to see who gives a shit in the final ten minutes when I am in the process of enjoying one game on the other coast.

FUCK YOU CBS, YOU GUYS ARE KILLING THIS FOR ME AND MILLIONS OF OTHERS YOU CORPORATE DOUCHEBAGS.

XAVIER WINS, COVERS SPREAD

Thank the lord on both accounts for the good of my sanity and my pool. I have Xavier in the Sweet 16 losing to Duke and for a moment there it looked like Georgia was again going to play the role of spoilers with a double digit lead in the second half. But Xavier came back and covered the 8.5 point spread thus I'm 3-0 so far in my picks with no upsets yet.

Time to go, bathroom break #482 calls.

FUCK CBS

They have 3 different channels in HD but yet none of the NCAA Tournament games so far are being broadcasted in actual HD. What the fuck CBS? It's the year 2008, I didn't spend good, hard earned (ha..not really) whore money for a big screen not to see it in the clearest high def as possible. Well so far Georgia is whooping Xavier's ass even though it's not even on TV here in Atlanta. Michigan State is up on Temple at the half and Kansas is destroying Portland State as expected.

Crack!! Beer #3 is going down while Beer #2 is being dispensed into the royal throne. They should really make the first day of the NCAA Tournament a national holiday. No one should have to work on a day like this.

NCAA TOURNAMENT UNDER WAY

CRACK!!goes the beer as I open my first of many, many empty souls of Bud Lights. As some of you know I work out of my house and luckily today I don't have to do shit besides take a shit, eat some Quizno's sammies, masturbate(already got that out of the way), and watch endless hours of NCAA hoops action across the nation. If you fuckers didn't get in your brackets in time for the Sportscrack pool well then I'm sorry but really stop emailing me. It's too late you lazy assholes. And if you are in the pool well then prepare yourselves to get kicked in the ass by upsets that make as much sense as a dick mole.

And the updates will come and go as I please as I watch these games all day. Tomorrow I am off with 7 other guys to Las Vegas for a weekend of booze, strippers, midgets, and donkey shows so don't expect too many updates as I will be way too hazy and confused to even think about getting near a stinkin computer.

And anybody who has to work today or tomorrow in a cramped office I feel really, really bad for you. Life is what you make of it so go out and marry a rich broad and live the easy life while you drink and fart in the comforts of your own home that somebody else paid for.

ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF ESPN'S LOVEFEST FOR ALL THINGS NORTHEAST

On the right is a screen shot from ESPN.com's MLB page captured by The Big Lead. Take a long look at it and tell me what you see. I know I am probably preaching to the choir here but I wonder if the WWL will ever recognize there are actual baseball teams outside of the Yankees, Red Sox, and Mets who play the game and deserve some media recognition. ESPN's lovefest with all things Northeast related especially when it comes to baseball coverage has forced people like myself to buy the MLB Extra Innings Package just to have the chance to watch other teams and players play. It often sickens me how much coverage and all-out BS love a guy like Derek Jeter gets whom I do respect as a player but does not compare skill-wise to a player like a Ichiro or a Vladimir on the West and less appreciated Coast.

And you can say the Yankees and Red Sox deserve the extensive coverage they receive because they are the two most polarizing teams but when the Atlanta Braves were dominating the National League for more than a decade it was still difficult to find highlights if any of their games on the WWL's SportsCenter. It's just disappointing to see how ESPN blows up players and teams from their region when they honestly don't deserve it.

Don't believe me, well, just wait to see how much ESPN fellate and over hype Boston College's Matt Ryan in their NFL Draft coverage.

TAMPA BAY RAYS FANS BRING A LITTLE PHILLY TO COLE HAMELS

This may come as news to 99.9% of sports fans including myself, but the Tampa Bay Rays(they dropped the Devil because of protests from Manta Rays) actually have fans who are passionate. Of course they are just learning how to heckle opposing players as demonstrated towards Phillies Cole Hamels in a spring training game today...

"One guy called me a cross between Casey Fossum and Shawn Camp," Hamels said, referring to two middling ex-Tampa Bay pitchers. "I thought that was kind of funny."

But the razzing wasn't limited to Rays fans. A few Phillies faithful also chimed in.

"They want to see what you're worth," Hamels said with a grin.

By chiming in the writer was being polite and misleading. He really meant to say the Phillies fans spit and urinated on the Ray fans while referring to them as vaginal openings or rectums for that matter. That is how you heckle Philly-style. Stupid Rays fans could never demonstrate that type of bat-shit crazy passion when it comes to all out doucheness. Plus it becomes mute when 90% of Rays fans would rather catch the early bird special at Outback and play bingo then watch a baseball game.

TERRELLE PRYOR'S 15 MINUTES FINALLY ENDS

Ohio State Buckeye fans can rejoice today while Michigan Wolverines fans can again wonder what in the hell they got themselves into with the Rich Rodriguez hiring as the look at me, no, don't look at me, okay, now look at me prima donna Terrelle Pryor committed to play for Jim Tressel and the Bucknuts.

The nation’s No. 1 football prospect, quarterback Terrelle Pryor, picked the Buckeyes today at Jeannette High School.

Thus ends a major recruiting battle between arch rivals Michigan and Ohio State – the top two schools that the 6-foot-6, 225-pound, dual-threat quarterback was reportedly considering.

Pryor was reportedly leaning toward Ohio State on Feb. 6 – National Signing Day – when he held a news conference to announce he was delaying his decision because he needed more time to make a choice.

Pryor could be the next Vince Young or he could be the next Ryan Perrilloux. It really is up to him. He could be a future great because he has exceptional talent and has the ability to take over games. But on the other hand he could be just another immature prep player who never grasps his talents and throws it away on strippers, guns, and Columbus herpes. We do know one thing for certain and that is we will get a chance to see Pryor get destroyed by a SEC defense in the BCS Title game within the next couple of years. But on the other hand we will get to see him destroy Michigan every year while West Virginia fans laugh and burn couches at DickRod's demise. Either way we all win.

RED SOX VOTE NOT TO PLAY FINAL EXHIBITION GAME, THEY ALSO HATE JAPAN

You know this is the kind of shit that happens when I decide to throw down good, hard earned hooker money on the Boston Red Sox to win the World Series this year. They have to start a fucking mutiny over going to Japan because their overpaid asses are getting paid $40,000 each in stipend pay for one week over seas while their coaches and trainers are not getting paid anything extra besides you know, their overpaid salary...

The Red Sox clubhouse was closed to reporters because of the dispute and the team had not taken the field for batting practice before its last scheduled spring training game in Florida against Toronto.

"We had an agreement," Curt Schilling, one of a handful of Red Sox players who talked with Major League Baseball on ground rules for the trip, told ESPN's Claire Smith.

"Some of the promises have already been taken away, now this," Schilling said. "As far as the players are concerned, [withholding the coaches' bonuses] can't happen."

''When we voted to go to Japan, that was not a unanimous vote,'' Lowell told the Globe, "but we did what our team wanted us to do for Major League Baseball. They promised us the moon and the stars, and then when we committed, they started pulling back. It's not just the coaches, it's the staff, the trainers, a lot of people are affected by this.

Why don't the players, you know the Red Sox players who's median salary last season was $3.5 million on a total payroll of $143 million, dish out some coin from their own deep pockets to help the coaches and the rest of the staff. These fucking multimillionaires are so stupid some times it just baffles me that I help pay for their salaries every year by denying myself good hooker spit and instead choose to chow down a $10 foot long dog while lubing it down with $7 Bud Lights to watch them gingerly jog down to first base on an infield grounder.

I'm sorry but you are not going to make me feel bad for coaches who sit on their asses and say "Back" or "Fuck off Manny that's my weed!" while picking their noses and wondering what massage parlor they are going to hit up after their snooze fest in Japan. Fuck, I will do it for free as long as you pay my plane ticket. Everyone knows the hooker spit over in Japan is top notch and Manny's weed is better than the Northern Light shit you got out West while on Spring Break in college. Let me be that nose picking, orgy loving massage paying overpaid fat coach squeezed in a baseball uniform while scratching my baseball nuts guy.