I leave with this video as a goodbye for a while. See, I'm getting married tomorrow at high noon. If you have been married for any period of time spare me the condolences. I'm already hook, line, and sinker into this. And if you are wondering if I am nervous then I must reassure you I am not. My fine lady makes me happy and most of all she puts up with my shit...which should win her a Nobel Peace Prize in my book. So yeah, the blog posts will be few and far between for the next couple of weeks while we are backpacking through Europe drinking the finest German beer while loving the beautiful scenery of Switzerland. So the honeymoon awaits with a beautiful lady in hand and a bottle of Absinthe in my backpack...
Okay people, put down the beer or the needle, whatever floats your boat, and be prepared for one of the most shocking things to happen since Michael Vick got busted for dog fighting. You might want to sit down for this one and grab a handful of kleenex. It's one of the most shocking developments in college football history. Yes, the homely saint known across the Bayou as Ryan Perrilloux, is now LSU's FORMER starting quarterback!
I never saw this coming!
Time to turn down the sarcasm meter and let's try to conquer a question the whole raving, foaming college football world has wanted to know: What in the hell did Perrilloux do to get his ass kicked out of LSU?
If you are the starting quarterback for a SEC team let alone a major Division 1 college you are guaranteed some things. One of them is plenty of white women. They may seem like good Catholic girls but deep down they all just want a salty piece of a football player. And by salty I mean semen. I didn't want to confuse anybody out there. Second thing you are guaranteed is the right to get away with a lot of shit most players wouldn't. See, if you are the starting quarterback you have as much say, hell more say, in a win or a loss as the head coach. If you play good the team usually wins. You play bad or have noodle legs from banging one too many white Catholic girls the night before your team will probably lose. This is not the case for the most part with the other football players. Most of them are interchangeable. Another thing you are guaranteed is some slack, if not downright forgiveness, for fucking up off the field.
So here is where Perrilloux enters, or better yet exits the discussion. This kid has had to fuck up more times than Amy Winehouse with heroin in order to get kicked out of LSU. The rumor is he failed another drug test. Supposedly the kid loves marijuana more than he loved playing football. In layman's terms it's called Quincy Carter disease. But this can't be the only reason why head coach Les Miles made the final decision. I'm imagining something way more horrific. Either this kid has dumped tens if not hundreds of dead hooker bodies in the water somewhere or he got caught molesting Miles wife and/or daughter. It's got to be the dead hooker story because Miles would be willing to sacrifice a family member for the good of the team. Hell, all good coaches worth their salt do it.
Perrilloux, let's be frank here, has an enormous amount of talent and could be one of the best QB's in the nation. He can throw and run with the best of them and has an NFL ready body that should make millions for him, his family, and of course his posse. But with all the talent he also has the brain the size of a teenage driver on their cellphone. Okay, maybe not that small but you get my point. The kid is an idiot. Before he even enrolled at LSU he proclaimed he would be the starting quarterback his freshman season because the other quarterbacks on the roster weren't impressive. Jamarcus Russell and Matt Flynn didn't take too kindly to the juvenile thoughts of one Perrilloux. Instead of taking a leadership role as ALL quarterbacks should he decided to smoke a ton of weed, counterfeit some money, and enter casinos with false identification while at LSU. And this is the stuff we only know about for sure. There had to be a ton of other illegal things like smuggling babies across the Mexican border or a secret cellar where he kept his latest victim because LSU doesn't kick players out. Especially the soon-to-be starting quarterback of the returning BCS National Champs.
LSU and Perrilloux will pick up the pieces of their failed marriage and move on and be better people for it. The Tigers have so much God given talent they will again compete for a SEC Title even without Perrilloux. Perrilloux has so much God given physical talent that some school will give him a second chance. Yes, Dennis Erickson just made the call followed by June Jones and Urban Meyer.
So what lesson can we learn from all this?
College Football is a hell of a drug that Perrilloux can't swallow!
So many women are coming out of the "I banged Roger Clemens" closet(seriously Rocket, John Daly's ex-wife, that is just fucking gross) it is just a matter of time before Hillary Clinton admits using the Rocket for a revenge fuck.
The BCS has turned down any role of playoff because as ACC commissioner John Swofford declares, the BCS is an "unprecedented state of health." By state of health they mean the 11 conferences and Notre Dame are getting their pockets filled with confederate money. I find it humorous Notre Dame is even involved with these playoff talks and I think AD Kevin White should mind his own fucking business. Until Notre Dame actually wins a bowl game or joins a conference they have no right to even be involved in the discussion for a college football playoff. And yes, this is coming from a huge Notre Dame fan and supporter in myself.
How about those Orioles? Right now they can hit worth a shit(11th in the AL in runs scored) and don't have a regular player hitting over .300 but this team has something, an "it" factor, that makes you want to root for them to win every game. They sit in a tie for first place in their division and the players they acquired during the offseason(Scott, Jones, Sarfate, Albers, Sherrill, etc.) are all contributing. More good news for Orioles fans is the fact that high priced draft picks Matt Wieters and Jake Arrieta are both dominating in the minors and the O's organization finally seems to be on the right path in regards to paying for the best prospects and scouting the Dominicans.
While I appreciate the enthusiasm he displays, Matthew Stafford still has a long way to go before anybody should consider him a top 10 NFL pick. Stafford has been really consistent at being inconsistent and still needs to learn how to put some touch on the ball especially in the intermediate 5-15 yards crossing pattern plays. I'm not saying he isn't going to be a great quarterback but I think it is a little presumptuous to think he is going to have a great junior year and declare for the draft. On the other hand teammate Knowshon "Special K" Moreno looks like the real deal and should be right up there with Beanie Wells out of Ohio State as the best RB in college football and a good bet to come out after this season.
Talking about a shitty way to go out, how about dying at the hands, or make it jaws, of your favorite team's name? Adrian Ruiz died after being bitten by a gray shark and just happens to be a huge San Jose Sharks fan. Thank god Orioles and Thrashers aren't fierce birds and the Fightin Irish are too drunk to land a punch let alone piss in a commode.
It appears the great John Smoltz will be returning from the DL as a closer. Smoltzie was a beast for the 3 seasons when he closed for the Braves and nothing besides a bum shoulder and surgically repaired elbow is in his way of doing it again. I hate to say it but the Braves are already looking extremely old and thin in their rotation(Glavine and Hampton are no spring chickens either) and will be out of the playoff race come September. Unless of course they make a trade. Earn your paycheck Frank Wren.
Spurs are still winning the NBA Championship. Why should I even watch other than to listen to Charles Barkley? Substance over style wins Championships...
Wow! You seriously do not want to get Peyton Manning's thong in a bunch. Personally I think I have more respect for Peyton now after seeing this clip where as others would be offended. He is the quarterback, the franchise actually, and he calls the plays and not the "f-ing" center Jeff Saturday. Guys like Peyton and Tom Brady can get away with this shit because they know how to win games and get paid the big bucks and bang the finest poon. Quarterbacks like Jeff George or Ryan Leaf pulls this shit and everybody laughs and calls them a "cockbag" to their face while they settle for some festering barfly at the local TGI Fridays. This is where knowing your role on the team becomes crucial.
So in other words don't piss off Peyton Manning. But if Rex Grossman starts talking shit to your face then you have the right to call him a no good lush who couldn't hit the broadside of a barn. Who said the NFL was the No Fun League?
I've tried my hardest to avoid the whole Clemens having an affair story but this video was just too good not to post. Ryan Parker throws the high hard one back at Clemens with this great, coming of age video showing how the Rocket Man could let his erections, oh my bad, I mean his connections could get little Mindy real far. It's a love story only a man with the testosterone level of the Rocket Man could conceive. Or maybe a 73 year old Austrian man with a dungeon. To each it's own.
I know everyone wants to talk about Roger Clemens and his totally platonic affair with country singer Mindy McCready but I'm honestly sick of talking about that lying redneck. Instead, why don't we focus on one of the good guys in the game, Mr. Torii "Suzie" Hunter. Hunter has now had a 9 month relationship with Suzie and things really seem to be heating up now that he is in Southern California. His wife and kids have no idea so please be sure to keep this on the down low.
Seriously, what the fuck were the Rams thinking when they picked out the name of Donnie Avery out of Scott Linehan's cap? Just because his name magically appeared out of the hat doesn't mean you have to pick him. I have no idea how you can pass on talents like Desean Jackson, Malcolm Kelly, and yes, even Limas Sweed for a guy like Avery. I honestly had never even heard of him before the Rams took him.
This draft didn't make a lot of sense to me but maybe it's only because I have no idea how to evaluate talent. First off if I was the Falcon's GM there is no way I would have passed on Glenn Dorsey. Dorsey and McFadden were the two most talented players in the draft in my mind and also the ones which could provide the most impact. The Falcons went out and signed backup Michael Turner to a huge deal in the offseason thus negating the chance of drafting McFadden. They took Matt Ryan who could be the next Tim Couch or David Carr. Then they trade up to get a first round pick and take left tackle Sam Baker who was graded as a mid to late 2nd round pick. Instead of getting a Dorsey and say a Brian Brohm who will be a much better pro than Ryan they get a good to average left tackle and a quarterback who is inconsistent and throws a ton of interceptions. With the 37th and 48th picks they could have picked up a Trevor Laws or a Desean Jackson who could be immediate impact players. Instead they got a slow linebacker in Curtis Lofton who can't cover a snail and they still will have no tight ends or defensive tackles to play next year.
How in the hell did the Bears pass on Brian Brohm? Rex Grossman sucks balls and instead of drafting a future NFL starting QB you take fucking Matt Forte out of Tulane? A fucking RB? Are you kidding me Chicago? The rest of their draft looked really good especially getting WR Earl Bennett in the third round but I almost started crying from laughing so hard when the Bears passed on Brohm in the second round.
This clip via BarStoolSports just reaffirms what we already knew about Celtics fans: they are retarded. And please don't get offended by the word retard because if you are you should be happy you are not retarded. Retards don't get pissed when you call them retards so please don't get offended for them. When people call me retarded I just laugh uncontrollably, wipe the drool off my mouth, pick my ass and then smell my hand, and then take off my Larry Bird jersey to show them I am not retarded or from Boston.
On the eve of NFL Draft Day the great bloggers over at JoeSportsFan brings us the MySpace page of Mel Kiper Jr. Of course Kiper gets paid the big bucks to voice his opinion/knowledge on who will be good and who will fail in the NFL whereas I don't get paid jack to state something simple like the fact that Matt Ryan is going to suck balls in the NFL. I would take Brian Brohm and Joe Flacco before I took Ryan. Ryan is too inconsistent and throws a ton of interceptions. Last time I checked NFL QB's don't do very well with those two traits.
Got to love the commentary by the camera guy. Yes, we get it, he likes to heckle.
I know what you are thinking, who the hell is Joe Smith? Apparently he plays for the New York Mets which is a Major League team and you should not mess with him according to the great Joe Smith. I'm not sure why he needs to start a fight with Cubs fans since they have suffered these past 100 years. It's like making fun of somebody who you know is going to die only Cubs fans have been dying since...well...since they decided to pledge their allegiance to the Lovable Losers.
The Georgia Bulldogs added one more football player to their already stellar 2009 class today by securing the verbal commitment of Tampa QB Aaron Murray, who picked the Bulldogs over rival Florida. Murray is one of the most highly rated QB's in the nation and after watching his video he looks to be the most impressive in my mind. At 6'1 he is not one of the tallest QB's but the kid is an athlete who can scramble, throws a hell of a deep ball, and is extremely accurate with a ton of velocity with his passes. He looks better on film than USC commit and overall #1 player Matt Barkley and I won't be surprised when Rivals and Scout come out with their new evaluations showing Murray as a top 10 player in the nation.
"Without a doubt, he has the quickest release and most velocity of any quarterback who I've seen in the 2009 class," Luginbill said. "The negative on him is that he lacks height, but there are ways to compensate for that within the scheme. You can't coach a guy to get rid of the football the way he does, a player can either do it or he can't. And Murray has an exceptionally quick release."
"You're looking at a guy who is every bit the passer that Matt Stafford is with more athleticism," Luginbill said. "He may give Mark Richt and that offensive coaching staff more athleticism from the quarterback position.
"He's a blend between a pocket-passer and a dual-threat guy. I wouldn't call him D.J. Shockley, but he's much more athletic than David Greene and Matt Stafford. So, you're looking at a guy who is somewhere between a Shockley and a Stafford [in terms of athletic ability]."
Murray threw for over 4000 yards, 51 touchdowns with only 7 interceptions and should have a chance to compete right away with Logan Gray and Joe Cox at UGA once Stafford leaves for the NFL. To get a feel with what Aaron Murray sounds like while talking to Tony Gwynn on helium, take a look at this YouTube video...
And here are some highlights from his junior season. The kid looks like another Drew Brees to me minus the birthmark...
"It was just a great experience" visiting Notre Dame, said Riddick, who led Immaculata to a 12-0 season and a state Non-Public Group III title in 2006 and a 11-1 season and a berth in the Non-Public Group III title game last season. "I blended straight in. That's when I knew I wanted to go there."
Riddick also plays safety and cornerback for Immaculata High School and has the quickness, speed, and athleticism to play multiple positions at Notre Dame if runningback doesn't work out. After watching his film I think he could be a great cornerback in college, much like an athlete in the mold of a Tom Carter or Todd Lyght. Riddick is the 4th commitment to what is already forming to be another excellent recruiting class under Charlie Weis.
How is Marcus Camby considered one of the top 3 defensive players in the league and yet the Nuggets defense is horrible? Kobe went for 49 last night while toying with announcers Marv Albert and Reggie Miller who were doing play-by-play for TNT. I'm still looking forward to see how Kobe responds to the Denver crowd with what should be plenty of heckling considering the whole rape issue. But yeah, the Lakers are looking like serious title contenders.
This is from the Atlanta Braves-Washington Nationals game from a couple of nights ago. MLB might want to investigate the 1st base umpire for having money on the game...
I can only imagine what Bobby Cox shouted at him.
Something like this sounds about right: "R-U-A-FUKING-RETARD?"
It's one thing to get screwed by a call at home but it is another thing when everybody sees a horrible call all at once. Announcer Joe Simpson sounded like he got caught in Ned's dungeon via Pulp Fiction for heaven's sake.
And for anybody thinking umpire Dan Iossagno isn't taking money, well, I just found he lives down the street from me in Marietta, GA. I must have rubbed off on him.
Jorge Arangure Jr. of ESPN Magazine has an excellent article on the bitter feud between native Colombian baseball players Edgar Renteria and Orlando Cabrera. I've wondered why the country of Colombia doesn't produce baseball players like Venezuela does and I guess this provides a certain insight as to maybe why. It's too bad Renteria and Cabrera can't get along and I must admit I see Renteria in a totally different way after reading the article. Renteria kind of comes off as a dick while it appears Cabrera is trying to reconcile the differences by at least talking.
If I were them I would just get some Colombian bam-bam, some hookers, and some booze, maybe cross swords and just make up already. Those silly Pablo Escobars' down there will never learn.
It's been a while since I poured some oil on some ducks or thrown my empty beer bottles back in the lake or on the side of the road where they belong. But now after watching this inspiring video from the crazy old Grandpa all of us wish we had, I think I might go out there and rip my Hummer through a field of sunflowers before I urinate on them. I feel so much better now that I can contribute to society in a meaningful way.
There is the new face of your franchise Miami Dolphins fans. Jake Long may not be pretty in the face but the big boy sure can block when not facing Vernon Gholston and was awarded today with a huge bag of cold hard cash from Bill Parcells today to become the #1 pick in this upcoming NFL Draft. So now with the first piece down I figured we would take a look at the rest of the draft with my predictions on how it might shake out.
2. St. Louis Rams-Glen Dorsey is right up there with Darren McFadden as the most talented player in the draft. His motor never stops and he would be welcomed with open arms in St. Louis who has whiffed as an organization on D-lineman in the past. Dorsey will be a stud if he can stay healthy.
3. Atlanta Falcons-Begrudgingly I think the Falcons are going to take Matt Ryan. Yes, the same guy who is as accurate as Michael Vick was in college but without the ability to run the ball but on the other hand the ability to throw a lot more interceptions. The Falcons should draft a linemen with this pick such as Sedrick Ellis or Chris Long, or trade it for more picks, and then draft one of Brian Brohm or Joe Flacco in the second round. But that would mean they are an intelligently run franchise and if you follow NFL history the Falcons clearly have never been associated with anything intelluctual. Matt Ryan benefits from it with a huge signing bonus. The Falcons still blow.
4. Oakland Raiders-Darren McFadden or Chris Long, who would you take? Long, the son of Hall of Famer Howie, would seem like the perfect fit in Oakland. McFadden with his questionable background also seems like the perfect fit for an Al Davis team. McFadden would be my pick because he is going to have the same impact as Adrian Peterson did last season. But I would also make sure he didn't kill any dogs before draft day.
5. Kansas City Chiefs-Chris Long, duh! He will replace the traded Jared Allen. I like Long a lot but I'm not convinced he will be an impact player right away in the NFL.
6. New York Jets-Vernon Gholston. And yes, the Jets fans will boo but they shouldn't. Gholston, when he decides to go full speed is an extremely dangerous pass rusher who could rack up Dwight Freeney type numbers in the NFL.
7. New England Patriots-More than likely the Patriots will try to trade out of this spot because A)they can get more picks and B)they don't want to give a huge signing bonus to a rookie. They need a LB but at this spot Keith Rivers and Dan Connor would be reaches, so I'm going to say Aqib Talib at CB.
8. Baltimore Ravens-I would absolutely love to see McFadden slip to the Ravens but I don't see it happening. The Ravens will take Sedrick Ellis at DT. Ellis could be better than Dorsey in the pros. Don't laugh, the kid is a beast who dominated for the most part in his USC career and was the most impressive lineman at the NFL Combine.
9. Cincy Bengals-The Bengals want Ellis really bad. Unfortunately unless they make a trade with the Patriots or Ravens they can't get him. Hell, the Falcons could take Ellis for all we know. You would think they have to draft somebody with questionable off-field behavior. Somebody who gets DUI's and scuffles with the Po-Po. Nobody from Penn State is graded this high though so you can't there. Mario Manningham seems like a good fit to replace Chad Johnson if they trade him and he has been kicked in and out of the Michigan football program numerous of times. But he projects to late first round/early 2nd. They will take USC LB Keith Rivers if he is available. And no, I don't think Rivers is going to be an All-Pro by any means but he will be a solid LB.
10. New Orleans Saints-Rashard Mendenhall to replace Reggie Bush. Kidding of course. Jonathan Stewart maybe? Just joking. They need cornerbacks so I will go with South Florida's Mike Jenkins.
11. Buffalo Bills-The Bills are really high on Oklahoma's Malcolm Kelly as am I. I think Kelly will be a really good NFL player and a great pick for the Bills.
12. Denver Broncos-The need a left tackle and Boise State's Ryan Clady is a pretty good one.
13. Carolina Panthers-The avoid the sexy pick by taking a guard in Virginia's Branden Albert.
14. Chicago Bears-They really need to get Sexy Rexy the fuck out of Chicago by drafting a QB. Instead they will draft an offensive lineman, a man named Jeff Otah out of Pittsburgh to play left tackle.
15. Detroit Lions-A WR of course! I got them taking a linebacker in Derrick Harvey out of Florida. A safe bet for sure, Harvey was a really good collegiate player who could develop at either OLB or DE.
16. Arizona Cardinals-Leodis McElvin out of Troy could become the shutdown corner Antrel Rolle was suppose to become.
17. Minnesota Vikings-Calais Campbell out of Miami is a freak of a defensive end who has the athletic ability to dominate in the NFL. But does he have the heart? The Vikings will find out by either drafting him or Phillip Merling.
18. Houston Texans-Rashard Mendenhall seems like a good fit for the Texans at RB. I also like Jonathan Stewart out of Oregon. Really can't go wrong with either, but I will go with Mendenhall.
19. Philadelphia Eagles-Desean Jackson seems like the perfect playmaker for Donovan McNabb to throw touchdowns at and to return kicks. Jackson has Devin Hester written all over him except he is a way better receiver.
20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers-They need a cornerback so that Rogers-Cromartie guy makes sense here. And no, I have never seem him play.
21. Washington Redskins-They want to trade this pick to the Bengals for Chad Johnson but if they don't they will take Phillip Merling out of Clemson to play defensive end.
22. Dallas Cowboys-I would take Jonathan Stewart but since Jerry Jones loves the Razorbacks it looks like Felix Jones will be the pick.
23. Pittsburgh Steelers-Jonathan Stewart is finally off the board. When healthy Stewart can do it all and should become a fan favorite in Steel Town.
24. Tennessee Titans-They need receivers for Vince Young. I'm not a fan of Limas Sweed but I can see them taking him to team up the old Longhorn teammates.
25. Seattle Seahawks-They need a d-tackle. I love Trevor Laws out of Notre Dame but I think he will still be an early second round pick. Kentwan Balmer out of North Carolina will more than likely be the pick.
26. Jacksonville Jaguars-They need linemen especially on the D side of the ball. Fuck it, I say they make a "stretch" pick by taking Laws out of Notre Dame.
27. San Diego Chargers-They need safety help and the only one worth it at this pick is Kenny Phillips out of Miami. They also could take a RB to replace Michael Turner in the second round.
28. Dallas Cowboys-Will anybody be surprised if the Cowboys trade both of their first round picks to somebody like Atlanta to get McFadden? I won't and I hope it happens for the sake of the Falcons franchise. If not they take James Hardy out of Indiana. A former basketball player on the Hoosiers, Hardy could become a dominant red zone presence in Dallas.
29. San Francisco Giants-Gosder Cherilus seems like the perfect pick out of Boston College. He could step in right away and play right tackle.
30. Green Bay Packers-They need a tight end. Martellus Bennett out of Texas A&M is the best one in my opinion in this draft and should be going to Green Bay.
31. New York Giants-Dan Connor out of Penn State should replace departed Kawika Mitchell. A no brainer in my mind, Connor could become another Keith Brooking.
