THE OLD DUTCH OVEN
You have to love the call, giving the French the old Dutch oven...
Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
O-R-I-O-L-E-S MAGIC!
The Baltimore Orioles sported their throwback 1979 uniforms tonight and brought back the magic with a come from behind 9-6 victory over the Pittsburgh Pirates. A near sellout crowd at Camden Yards witnessed the O's storm back from a 6-1 deficit behind some timely hitting from Kevin Millar(pictured above), Luke Scott(monster homerun), and a cast of others to take the first game in a series with a Pirates club making their first trip to Baltimore since the 1979 World Series.
The victory deserves a tip of the hat to the guys wearing the orange, black and white. The club never gives up and they are a fun team to watch.
Go O's.
I also love the fact the players flip up their bills in honor of George Sherrill, who now has 22 saves. I would say the trade of Erik Bedard is working out real good for the O's so far. The Mariners not so much.
KOBE BRYANT GOT HAMMERED LAST NIGHT
It's not very often a team blows a 24 point lead on their home court to go down 3-1 against the hated Boston Celtics in the NBA Finals but the Lakers managed the impossible. There was absolutely no excuse for the loss last night. Tim Donaghy did not enter that door at the Staples Center so to speak. The Lakers just flat out choked and Kobe did his complete opposite of MJ by hitting only 6 of 19 shots from the floor while scoring 17 points. You have to wonder as poorly as Kobe shot last night if his meaning of doing 20 shots of the hard stuff meant he would only hit 7 successful ones. A performance like last night deserves the almighty Jack Daniels but for some reason I imagine Kobe doing Fuzzy Naval or Sex on the Beach shots with some young cheerleader who will wake up with a sore bunghole.
Kobe included.
Ah, too be young and rich.
Video HT: Deadspin
Thursday, June 12, 2008
ATLANTA TRIES TO KEEP TITLE OF WORST SPORTS TOWN
The Atlanta Hawks decided to give coach Mike Woodson a two year extension despite never having a winning season and having an overall record of 106 wins and 222 losses during his four seasons at the Highlight Factory.
Um, what the fuck are they thinking? Woodson is one of the worst basketball coaches I have ever witnessed. He can't even draw up plays for a half court offense. The guy was begging to get fired all season with his team underachieving. And yet somehow making the playoffs at 8 games under .500 is a reason to give him an extension? Idiots I tell you.
Throw in the other curious decisions of the local teams such as the Thrashers deciding to keep GM Don Waddell despite the club never having the experience of winning a playoff game in almost a decade of existence, the Falcons decision to draft Matt Ryan and then give him $72 million despite never playing a down in the NFL after the Michael Vick fiasco, and the Braves going down the shitter with more aging stars going on the disabled list. Yet people wonder why Atlanta gets a rap as such a horrible sports town? They beg the fans not to show up with their idiotic moves.
The professional teams overall track record is the reason why Atlanta is such a huge Georgia Bulldogs and overall college football city. They give you reason to root for them because they tend to be winners and are enjoying to watch. The rest of Atlanta sports is not for the most part. And yes, I know the Bulldogs play in Athens but they pretty much own the city of Atlanta with all the grads living here.
So what could be done to remedy all of this ineptitude? New ownership. The Hawks and Thrashers are owned by the Atlanta Spirit Group and they simply don't know how to run an organization. Their decisions on GMs is horrible with both organizations failing to bring in top notch minds in their respective sports. Waddell and recently fired GM Billy Knight are just examples. Same with the Atlanta Falcons. Rich McKay was a horrible GM and his replacement is some college scout who already has displayed an ability to know...well...nothing. And don't even get me started with the Braves GM Frank Wren. Recently retired John Schuerholz was a genius at trades but his protege Wren was a failure in Baltimore and his decision not to add a starting pitcher halfway through the season last year cost the Braves a legitimate chance of making the playoffs. But of course bringing back Tom Glavine was pure brilliance to a staff that already had Mike Hampton who just finished filming his scenes for "Unbreakable 2" and the great but due to go down with an injury John Smoltz.
At least college football season is only 2 1/2 months away. Georgia should be the preseason #1 team in the country or near the top and Georgia Tech fired Chan Gailey and replaced him with Navy's Paul Johnson who should have Tech playing for New Year's Day bowl games before you know it.
THE DAILY DUMP
The Daily Dump is SportsCrack's review of the day before today while sitting on the porcelain throne, sometimes painful, sometimes oh so sweet...
MLB
-The Washington Nationals are such a miserable fucking team that even when they have dramatic homeruns by players such as Lastings Milledge to win games they manage to get in fights with each other. This time it was between Elijah Dukes (huge shock right?) and manager Manny Acta after the homerun. Mr. Irrelevant has the video...
Damn, Dukes just burned Acta with the "fuck off I'm not going to high five your ass" gesture at the end of the game. With the recent scuffles between the Rays players, the Red Sox players, and now the Nationals it clearly shows people in the East are going crazy with this scolding hell of a summer.
-Alfonso Soriano is now out 6 weeks after getting plunk in the hand and breaking a bone in last night's win over the Atlanta Braves. With the injury expect Mark De Rosa to be moved back out to left field and Ronny Cedeno to play more second base. The Cubs are still in first place but you have to wonder if this will be the catalyst for another collapse of epic proportions for the Cubbie faithful. Oh wait, we still have like 90 plus fucking games left, never mind about an epic collapse.
Rick Sutcliffe has a new favorite color, it's called Erin Andrews panties...
Sutcliffe is a funny mofo and I hope he gets real healthy real fast. I met him at a bar in Spring Training down in Scottsdale, AZ a few years back for Fat Tuesday and the guy was hysterical and of course drunk as hell. He was with Bob Brenly and my dad and I started up a conversation with them and they were both great guys. Later on in the night Brenly had to pull Sutcliffe's tongue out of some 20 something year old blonde's mouth just to get him out of the place. God it was fucking classic. Sutcliffe is so tall it looked like a giraffe feeding his baby. Get better Suts, baseball needs more characters like you.
-Dan Uggla was having an Ugg game with 3 strikeouts against Phillies starter Cole Hamels(13 K's) but then the Phillies got stupid and put in Tom Flash Gordon to preserve the game. Cue the dramatics...
Walk off grand slam!!
COLLEGE FOOTBALL
-My alma mater, Georgia State, has decided to throw their hat into the college football world and will be hiring former Georgia Tech coach Bill Curry as their first head coach today. The Panthers will begin play in 2010 under Curry and their home games will be in the Georgia Dome while playing in Division 1-AA. The state of Georgia has so much talent in football it shouldn't be hard to recruit kids who want to play in a facility like the Georgia Dome. Being an alumnus I might now have a reason not to say "fuck off" when the boosters call my cell phone asking for donations. And just a head's up Georgia State officials, if you want a good showing for football games sell beer at the Dome. Beer is liquid gold for college students.
-You wonder why I don't like Bobby Petrino so much? Well now he kicked off a Fairchild off his team. Okay, so Freddie isn't related to me because he has a year round dark tan unlike myself and because the guy beats his women apparently. Also throw in the fact he has athletic ability and decided to attend that hell hole in Fayetteville and...well shit, we aren't related at all. It's a big loss for the Razorbacks though as Fairchild was a starting linebacker who many projected to be All-SEC this year.
Call them Hogs Bobby...
Fucking pathetic aren't they!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
KOBE KNOWS HIS SHIT
I'm sorry people, like most of you I'm tired of this whole NBA Finals bullshit but there is really nothing else interesting to talk about. Sure Griffey hit his 600th but it was in fucking Miami with less than 16,000 in attendance. There was no drama and we all knew Junior was going to hit it sooner than later. I'm not even sure what the point of this post is other than a ramble about nothing really. College football needs to get here fast so this blog can be filled with shits and giggles and articles that I actually enjoy writing.
My mind is so scattered with garbage right now I have actually rationalized that Kobe would be a cool guy to hang around with. I can only imagine what his leftover scraps would be like on the road. The guy probably has a rolodex filled with cheerleaders and young white girls only Bill Clinton could rival. I promise to start writing some decent stuff soon. A bottle of Tanquerey might be the answer but who really knows.
KOBE BRYANT DOES HIMSELF
Sick bastard was all over the Celtics last night...
Jack Nicholson can now do blow off his 23 year old girlfriend's ass with the comfort of knowing the NBA will fix games in favor of a 7 game series. It's ratings magic and David Stern knows he needs to milk these Finals as much as he can till the teet is dry.
FUGA AND OLE PISS SHIRTS DEBUT
We got a couple of new shirts on the store page that are marinating and ready to be cooked and eaten by you, the almighty Sportscrack Tee consumer.
Both of our new shirts have a SEC flavor to them. So in essence they will tell you how great their conference is while destroying the Big Ten in a bowl game.
First is our FUGA shirt in honor of all the people who simply don't like the Dawgs...
Second is our Ole Piss shirt which brings back memories of my college days of drinking 30 packs of Busch Light...
Love them, caress them, tailgate in them, get in fights with them, do whatever you want with them but remember the only place you can get one is by clicking on this link.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
JOEY HARRINGTON FINALLY DOESN'T SUCK AT SOMETHING
Joey Harrington's career in the NFL has been one completely void of highlights ever since he got drafted by the Detroit Lions. Currently the Atlanta Falcon's backup QB, Harrington, who also happens to be the cousin of PGA Golfer Padraig Harrington, gets to spend plenty of time on the golf course smacking the ball around like defenders hit him while he wilts in the pocket.
And apparently he is really good. He hit two hole-in-ones within two weeks of each other.
Finally Joey Heisman has found his calling. Golf. It's amazing how one can become so good at a sport that involves as much mental preparation as golf does and no one identifies Joey as a well prepared QB. Now don't be surprised if Arthur Blank signs him to a long term deal upon hearing this news.
Doesn't make sense right?
Either does giving Matt Ryan $72 million.
Monday, June 09, 2008
BULL RIDING LOOKS FUN
You are welcome. No need to thank me, just buy a Sportscrack shirt if you loved the video.
PHIL JACKSON LOVES THE NBA REFS
I agree with the Zen Master in it is "ridiculous" how some dude named Pow or Powe got as many free throws as the whole Lakers team. But you can't hide the fact that the Lakers played like shit for most of the game and should have stopped worrying about the officiating and focused on getting the ball in the hoop.
Yes, the officiating was horrible but the great teams overcome these things. Now that the series will be in LA expect plenty of home town calls for the Lakers. So no more bitching Gasol or Kobe or anybody else wearing the purple and gold. Play some fucking basketball and let's make this a series.
BIG BROWN CRAPS OUT
At 1-4 odds you would think Big Brown would at least place but no, the stupid horse finished last as millions lost money on the Big Shit. I don't get it, the horse dominated the Derby and Preakness yet couldn't muster enough to go an extra quarter of a mile and complete the Triple Crown. Luckily I didn't place any money on the horse because well, I don't really have any money. It's amazing what years of chemical dependency will do to your wallet and your social life. Anyways, the point of this post is to hate on the Belmont Stakes and Big Brown. The Belmont blows balls as a horse race because they have no infield. How can you not have an infield?
Big Brown will now go live a life as not a choke artist but as a stud whose owners will get paid millions for his offspring baby batter. Good for him. Is it sad to be jealous of a horse?
Friday, June 06, 2008
THE NBA WILL HAUNT YOU IN YOUR DREAMS
Umm, yeah, let's not do that again, okay NBA? My dogs barked, not because they saw a half black man, shit who wouldn't bark at that, but because they were so petrified to see old balls Magic Johnson and Larry Bird talking to them. Oh I get it, they are still playing basketball and this is relative to the 2008 NBA Finals.
Hmm, maybe not.
But seriously, my dogs are scared.
Pull this shit before they pee inside.
Damn...too late.
DARK KNIGHT PREVIEW
Holy boner Batman! It looks like director Chris Nolan did what only he could do and give me a solid chub just by watching a preview of the new Batman flick. The Dark Knight looks simply amazing and I am not afraid to confess my love for it especially after learning this will be on IMAX this summer....
And yes, I know this has nothing to do with sports but you don't find great previews like this every day.
MARSHAWN LYNCH INVOLVED IN HIT AND RUN
Not surprising after seeing him drive at Berkeley with those fucking hippies on his back...
In all seriousness as we are usually not here at Sportscrack, Lynch supposedly hit some lady crossing a street with his Porsche Cayenne in suburban Buffalo on Saturday and then left the scene. Most people call it a hit-and-run but Marshawn was too high or drunk at the time to care so I would just call it happy time. No need to come down on a man when he is having his fun. By the way when did women get the right to cross the road anyways without getting permission from a man? I really don't even know what this world is coming to, next thing you are going to tell me is they have the right to vote.
HT: WithLeather
THE DAILY DUMP
The Daily Dump is SportsCrack's review of the day before today while sitting on the porcelain throne, sometimes painful, sometimes oh so sweet...
NBA
-Paul Pierce either took a magical healing pill or was pulling a Kaiser Soze but whatever, it doesn't matter in the scheme of things as he helped the Celtics beat the Lakers in The Garden to take a 1-0 series lead. Kobe Bryant must have heard the "No means No" chants because clearly his game was off all night, finishing a 9 for 26 from the field. If the Lakers are going to win this series which I thought they would they can't afford to have off nights from Kobe.
Kevin Garnett put an exclamation point down late in the fourth quarter with this rim shaker...
Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing
MLB
-Chipper Jones hit his 400th career bomb 
-Manny Ramirez had 5 RBI's and a scuffle with teammate Kevin Youkilis in the dugout, but the real story was the bench clearing brawl. Started by Coco Crisp who for some reason decided to charge the mound on Tampa Bay pitcher James Shields who is obviously a bigger, stronger, and overall way better fighter than Coco. Just kidding, baseball players can't fight worth a shit, it's not in their DNA to land punches. Crisp got his ass kicked in the dog pile and will face at least a 4 game suspension along with Johnny Gomes from the Rays but hey, at least the Red Sox won right? Here is the fight in case you wanted to see punches not being landed...
Video HT: Barstool Sports
I'm still trying to figure out why Manny and Youk got in a fight in the dugout. Manny must have stolen some of Youk's diggity dank but I have yet to get a solid confirmation or source.
-Cole Hamels shut out the Reds on a 3 hitter as the Phillies won for the 9th time in 11 games. Jay Bruce was held without a hit for the second consecutive game and Ken Griffey Jr. still remains at 599 career homeruns as the Reds continue to not win, a running theme for them the past decade or so.
NHL
-The ratings for the Stanley Cup Finals were up to pre-lockout numbers as the NHL can finally rejoice because Americans show they actually do care about hockey. I'm not going to beat around the bush, the NHL is my favorite sport besides college football to watch in person. But watching it on television is difficult at times because the puck moves so fast and the NHL gets no pub from ESPN because they dropped them after the lockout. Hopefully for the sake of the game this gets the ball moving in the right direction and ESPN picks the NHL back up. I don't want to watch the fucking Spelling Bee or hear about the WNBA or care about Arena League Football. Give me some damn hockey ESPN!
NFL
-D-Mac got paid big time with a 6 year, $60 million dollar contract from the Oakland Raiders. With the money he will now be able to feed all of his kids whom he thinks might be his kids when in fact he should just severe ties with the whole state of Arkansas. Don't let Arkansas bring you down D-Mac like they did for Bill Clinton.
-Some convicted steroid dealer named David Jacobs who gave up the names to a ton of NFL players to the NFL commissioner's office was found dead from gunshots yesterday in his Plano, Texas home. The moral of the story is never snitch or you will probably die kids. Now go have fun on those monkey bars in prison.
COLLEGE FOOTBALL
-Do you smell what the Irish are cooking? Notre Dame picked up two big commitments in LB Dan Fox and OG Alex Bullard. More on this later as I wipe my mouth after going down on Charlie Weis for some how getting top notch recruits coming off a 3-9 season.
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