It's good to know the Rooney family is getting rid of all the trash on their team by trading away Super Bowl MVP Santonio Holmes to the Jets and looking to deal Rapelisberger before he assaults another chick in some bar. It's classy guys like Florida center Maurkice Pouncey who love to bend over in front of Tim Tebow their whole college career and decide a double wide trailer would be the best place to celebrate getting drafted will bring the respect back to the Steelers organization. And to top it all off he not only loves to go "hogging" in Panama City but he also enjoys making out with dudes (yes, I know it's his twin brother which kind of makes it more weird) before heading off to a blue collar city like Pittsburgh.
Thank God the Steelers took Pouncey. He seems like a great fit for Pittsburgh. Double wide and all.
Cue the mother fucking $$$$$$ signs! This shirt has cult classic written all over it. Whenever you head down to The Ted to see The J-Hey Kid or Big Red throw another gem you have to be wearing this shirt if you plan on doing some serious tailgating. The chances of you getting a free beer in The Ted goes up tremendously with this tee and the chances of you getting laid are about 99.99999% guaranteed.
You can buy it now for immediate shipment at our STORE PAGE. And in case you were wondering this was designed by Dave Bregande. The idea was all mine but Dave agrees with me the Native Americans like the sauce a little too much. And before you send me some hate mail please remember that we are equal opportunity offenders here.
Fordham's Brian Kownacki might have made the most athletic play on a baseball field I have ever seen. Seriously, can you think of a more unbelievable play? I can't.
Big HT to Dave Bregande for the clip. If you are looking for a professional graphic designer who does excellent work then I highly recommend contacting Dave.
The unintentional hatred/comedy was through the roof last night at Safeco Field as Doug Fister (hence the K's with the fist) was mowing down Orioles batters (who hasn't) and some fan was posting K's right next to Jackie Robinson's retired 42 number. If you were wondering where Bartman has been hiding all these years I think we have found our answer. Now go ahead and hate this kid for no good reason.
The San Jose Sharks defenseman Dan Boyle must have had a lot of dough or a family members life dependent on the Colorado Avalanche last night because shit like this doesn't happen to you in the playoffs...
I would put Boyle on immediate suicide watch. I don't even know how you can fuck up this bad.
The legend of the J-Hey Kid continues to grow as yesterday Heyward got his second shaving cream pie in less than two weeks after hitting the game winning 2 RBI single with two outs in the ninth against the Rockies. The kid has an OPS over 1000 and has driven in 15 runs which is good for second in the majors. I think it's time for him to move up in the lineup. Just a hunch but I think J-Hey can handle the bat just fine batting in the leadoff spot. Here are some Jason Heyward facts sent in from Patrick who got it from Guyism.com...
1. Jason Heyward uses a bat made from one of Chuck Norris’ femurs.
2. Jason Heyward doesn’t strike-out. The balls are just so afraid of his bat that they refuse to be hit.
3. A man who went into cardiac arrest at Turner Field didn’t need to be resuscitated with adrenaline filled needles, someone just yelled “Jason Heyward,” and the man woke back up.
4. At 20, Jason Heyward can’t legally drink. But if he could, his drink would be made with Johnnie Walker Blue and the tears of opposing pitchers.
5. Jason Heyward hit so many bombs during spring training that he’s now on the TSA’s No-Fly List.
6. Jason Heyward once hit a home run so hard that it traveled through time and counted for the previous day’s game. Because of the extra runs, his team won and the MLB implemented the “Heyward Space Time Continuum Rule” in order to prevent future home runs from dictating the outcome of past games.
7. Atlanta doesn’t have a Bat Signal, they simply shine a picture of Jason Heyward in the sky when they need a bat-themed hero.
8. Jason Heyward once hit a ball so high that it blocked out the sun for two days. During those two days Stonehenge was constructed.
9. Eyjafjallajokull Volcano? That’s where Heyward’s second home run landed.
10. Bill Brasky often tells stories about his time with Jason Heyward.
Finally the NBA Playoffs are about to begin. Total homer pick here but I'm going to say Denver vs. Atlanta in the Finals. Those were my two favorite teams growing up and they are pretty much the only teams that I really watch these days. I want to see the Birdman vs. J-Smooth.
How did Mr. T never become our Surgeon General? The guy was a fucking genius who would deliver all the hard hitting facts on how to make your life and the others around you better back in the 80's. Our country died a little bit when Mr. T vanished from the spotlight. Never forget Mr. T. I pity the fool who does.
Jeff Passan of Yahoo Sports has a great read on possible racism in regards to black free agents in baseball. No BS either, this is what the Minnesota Twins Orlando Hudson thinks...
"You see guys like Dye without a job. Guy with [27 home runs and 81 RBIs] and can't get a job. Pretty much sums it up right there, no? You've got some guys who miss a year who can come back and get $5, $6 million, and a guy like Jermaine Dye can't get a job. A guy like Gary Sheffield, a first-ballot Hall of Famer, can't get a job. We both know what it is. You'll get it right. You'll figure it out. I'm not gonna say it because then I'll be in [trouble]. Call it what you want to,” Hudson said. “I ain’t fit to say it. After I retire I’ll say it. I’ve got a whole bunch of stuff to say after I retire."
Listen I have no fucking clue if there is racism among MLB executives but what I do know is that teams have shown interest in Dye and he has yet to sign. The Washington Nationals have offered him a contract and Dye turned them down. The reason why teams aren't offering Dye huge money to sign was because he was horrible in the 2nd half of 2009 ("batting .179 and slugging .297 while playing subpar defense in right field") and because he is 36 years old. Nobody wants a deteriorating 36 year old with declining stats for $5 million plus a season. It's the economics of the game.
And please don't start the Gary Sheffield argument. He's 41 years old and has never shown any loyalty to a team or teammates for that matter. Fuck him and his juicing ass.
But I guess I can see where Hudson is coming from since there are hardly any white players in the NBA. That's racism right?
Life like my ass! Even Kirby Puckett Jr. is smirking at it. The Twinkies opened their new digs out yesterday at Target Field with a nice little victory over the Boston Red Sox. The ballpark looked great without snow and without a lake next to it. I guess I can dig the Puckett bronze statue. The guy was one of my favorite players growing up. I had a poster of Puckett thumb nailed on my wall. It was shredded down after the 1991 World Series. Let's just say I got a little piece of revenge on those white hanky waving bastards.
No hard feelings though since I've put all my hate into Lonnie Smith for that Series loss. Fucking coke head couldn't just look at his base coach. Is it so hard to just run as hard as possible to the white line Lonnie as you did on a little mirror?
American Gold Medalist swimmer Michael Phelps was one of 9,239 people who decided taking in a Baltimore Orioles games seemed like a fun thing to do at the time. Of course the O's managed to lose another game to a very good Rays team and now sit at 1-6 and in the basement of the American League. But what does Phelps care? When I look at him here I can't help but think of Spicoli. "That was my skull! I'm so wasted!"
Talk about a candid interview you won't ever get with the likes of Tiger Woods who are so image conscious. This lovely interview with the New York Yankees Chan Ho Park is all about honesty and integrity. "I had a lot of diarrhea!" could instantly become a cult classic. The marketing possibilities are endless for the Yankees. You could do an Imodium Night or a Charmin Ultra Soft (my preferred ass wiping brand) give away. I don't even like Koreans or the Yankees but I would go to one of those free promotion nights.
PS-I don't really hate Koreans, just their food. Gives me the shits.
Tiger Woods cost me a $5 bet with my wife yesterday by finishing 4th. I made the bet thinking he would win the Masters because supposedly he has gone 4-5 months without any nookie while in "Sex Rehab" and like Costanza he would be able to cure cancer or some shit since he was abstinent. Fucker couldn't even beat Lefty. I love Verne Lundquist thoughts on Tiger's shot: "I don't think he's pleased!"
Tiger needs to go back to doing what he did before leaving golf: sinking putts while nailing sluts.
I've watched Jason Heyward's first home run/hit/swing of his major league career probably about 145 times already and I still get the chills every single time. The mother fucking J-Hey Kid has brought back baseball fever to Atlanta. Hey-fever to be exact.
You won your 4th NCAA Title under Coach K or "The Rat" as I like to call him. If you would have told me before the tournament started that Duke would win the title I would have called you crazy. But then again I didn't get any of my Final Four teams right and my bracket was fucked as soon as Kansas lost to Northern Iowa. Somehow Duke managed to win with a team that really has no stars (Scheyer and Singler resemble more Nazi than hoops star) and with a center in Zoubek who is slow footed and fouls constantly yet manages to stay in the game. And no I'm not hating on Duke because it's the cool thing to do. I've always hated Duke. Ever since Christian Laettner and Bobby Hurley were tag teaming each other.
With Duke winning this also proves the ACC is the best conference in the nation. Sorry Big East fans. When you guys start winning big boy championships and not women's hoops then you can come talking about how elite your conference is. With that said I leave you with this classic video in honor of the Dookies...
This is the beauty of baseball. Just when you think you have seen it all then something completely unfathomable happens. This Mark Buehrle backwards-between-the-legs-glovehand-flip-of-the-baseball is one of those plays you will never see again.
First day of the season and I have already gotten the chills, jumped up and down, and peed a little bit on myself after Jason "The J-Hey Kid" Heyward absolutely crushed the shit out of a 2-0 fastball in his first major league at-bat.
Catch the first pitch from Hank Aaron: Check
Hit first big league home run: Check
Already a legend by crushing a 446 foot home run in first major league at bat: Priceless
Vanderbilt pitcher Corey Williams shattered his right kneecap from the line drive off a Florida Gators metal bat and still managed to get the out. Yeah. That guy can play for me any day.
Opening Day is upon us. The fresh air of unrealistic expectations are ready to bloom. Gotta love it though. As an avid Baltimore Orioles and Atlanta Braves fan I'm pretty f-ing excited about this season. The Orioles should be much improved with a team that will make some noise in an always rough AL East. They won't contend for a playoff spot this season but they should mature and be ready to knock off the Yankees and Red Sox in the near future with some excellent young talent blossoming (Brian Matusz, Brad Bergesen, Chris Tillman, David Hernandez, Jake Arrieta, Matt Wieters, Nolan Reimold, Felix Pie, Nick Markakis, etc.)
The Braves on the other hand have a legitimate shot at contending for a playoff spot this season. It's Bobby Cox final season and the pitching will be anchored with 4 solid starters (Lowe, Hanson, Jurrjens, Hudson) and the offense should be much better with a rebound season from Chipper Jones expected and the addition of power bats in Troy Glaus and some rookie named Jason Heyward whom you may have heard of. At the very least they should contend for a Wild Card spot.
Here are some predictions for 2010:
AL EAST: New York Yankees-Top to bottom they have the best players in the majors right now. Jeter, A-Roid, and fuckface Teixeira are all future Hall of Famers and will produce because they always do. The pitching will be excellent with C.C., Burnett, Pettitte, and Vasquez. Plus their payroll is $200 million so they can buy whatever the fuck they want.
AL CENTRAL: Detroit Tigers-I'm just going on a hunch here. I think the Tigers are going to be one of the best teams in the majors this season. Verlander will be a Cy Young contender and the bullpen should be excellent.
AL WEST: Anaheim Angels-Just because they lost Lackey to the Red Sox doesn't mean all of a sudden the Angels are going to suck. They are still the best team in the AL West and despite the Seattle Mariners making a ton of improvements the Angels still have their number.
AL WILD CARD: Tampa Bay Rays-They edge out the Red Sox if they don't trade away Carlos Pena and Carl Crawford.
NL EAST: Philadelphia Phillies-Best team in the National League. No need to argue here.
NL CENTRAL: Cincinnati Reds-They are my surprise team this season. I think they got the pitching and young hitting to put together a special season in an awful division.
NL WEST: Colorado Rockies-All of the other teams in this West got worse. The Rockies got better. I like them for 90 plus wins this year.
NL WILD CARD: Atlanta Braves-Bobby Cox's final season goes out with a bang with a World Series ring...just kidding. They will make the playoffs though.
That about as close to one can get without making out. I was anticipating Huggin's tongue to wreck some havoc on Desean Butler lips at any moment. Apparently whatever Huggins said worked because Butler hobbled off the court and appeared okay for being in such dramatic pain shortly before. The moment seemed awkward and about as genuinely honest as John Calipari. I felt the need to bathe myself in vinegar while sucking my thumb because I thought I just witnessed two guys who were just ready to fuck each other right there in Indy.
