Come on Charlie Manuel. You damn well know what the fuck his name is. You tell me you can pronounce Yadier Molina and Ubaldo Jimenez without any hesitation with a straight face but somehow butcher "Prado."
How about saying "FIRST PLACE BITCH!"?
Can you say it asshole?
I didn't think so.
Manuel has the fear. The fear of the first place Bravos.
Thanks go out to Egotastic for this Victoria Secret's commercial of Miranda Kerr which is sure to cause Jergens Lotion to triple in stock value.
I will have more information on the trade later when I get in front of the computer but here is some information from Dave O'brien's blog....
The Braves have traded shortstop Yunel Escobar and minor-league pitcher Jo-Jo Reyes to the Toronto Blue Jays in a five-player deal that nets shortstop Alex Gonzalez.
The Braves began a conference call at 12:30 p.m. to discuss the deal and we’ll provide updates as they occur.
Gonzalez, 33, is in the midst of one of his finest offensive seasons.
The Braves also got left-handed minor-league pitcher Tim Collins and minor-league shortstop Tyler Pastornicky.
Gonzalez entered the All-Star break with a .259 batting average, 17 home runs, 25 doubles and 50 RBIs. Gonzalez currently ranks tied for fifth in the American League with 43 extra-base hits.
“This trade improves our club for the second half of the season,” Executive Vice President and General Manager Frank Wren said. “We have been looking at ways to strengthen our club offensively and Alex Gonzalez is a proven veteran player who gives us added power. He is a winner and a solid offensive presence in the lineup as well as a quality defensive shortstop.”
And clearly Tiger Woods is not a fan of albino gorillas who raid Rip Torn's closet. I have no idea who is going to win the British Open but I'm positive it won't be John Daly.
Image HT: ExtraMustard
I know this video is about 6 months old so in internet years it's ancient but I just had to post it. How the fuck did I never see this video till last night? Bin Laden has been hiding in a cave and still somehow saw it before we did. I feel like I have failed you SportsCrack nation. My bad. His reaction to the Double Rainbow across the sky was pretty much how I felt today when I heard the Braves traded Yunel Escobar. The amount of joy in my heart could not be contained. It was so intense!
So anyway here is the remix of the Double Rainbow Song...
He doesn't see defenders on the field.
He simply sees code.
He is "Simply Devine."
Get your shirt now at our STORE PAGE for the low price of $17.
Love him or hate him, you had to respect George Steinbrenner. The guy cared more about winning than the bottom line or status quo. "The Boss" as some have called him was one of the most entertaining owners in all of sports and revived a once dying franchise. The Yankees won 7 World Series Titles and 11 pennants with George as the owner. He bought the Yankees from CBS in 1973 for a net purchase price of $8.8 million dollars. Incredible to think it these days with A-Rod making that much in less than a third of the season. The Boss was eccentric and changed managers 20 times in 23 years including firing Billy Martin on five separate occasions. He called out his players, his managers, and his general managers. He was basically a crazy guy who had a lot of money who wanted nothing more than to win.
Steinbrenner will be missed. He is probably demanding Jesus to get a hair cut as we speak. Or Satan depending on your view.
Does Costanza move up the corporate ladder now?
In case you were wondering I would have had the same reaction as the girl except I would have gotten down on my knees and cupped Ichiro. It's only polite.
NSFW
I don't think I will ever want to piss off Mel Gibson. He literally takes everything to heart. Who knew William Wallace could be so mean? I just watched "Edge of Darkness" last night and I could see the intensity in his eyes. I guess he doesn't know when to shut off the whole "acting" gig and brings his work to home.
That whole story I wrote earlier about the injustice of Cliff Lee going to the Yankees...well...ignore it because the Mariners pulled the fuck you card and nixed the deal. Instead they have now traded to Cliff Lee to the first place Texas Rangers. At least I think they have.
Here is the deal: "The M's sent Lee and reliever Mark Lowe to Texas for first baseman Justin Smoak and minor leaguers Blake Beavan, Josh Lueke and Matthew Lawson.
The Mariners will also send $2.5 million to the Rangers to subsidize the $4 million still owed to Lee. Texas has financial limitations due to bankruptcy hearings associated with the sale of the team."
The Mariners really wanted Smoak and who can blame them. The Rangers didn't include him in their original offer but then decided to throw him in to get Lee before the Yankees deal could be completed. Smoak looks like a future 30 plus home run, 120 RBI producing first baseman with 10-15 years of service time left in him. He could be their next Mark Texwhateverthefuckhisnameis. The prospects they got also look better with Beavan putting up really nice pitching stats in AAA.
Of course the Yankees are pissed off because they thought they had a deal in place. They are actually in Seattle right now getting ready to play tonight. I can just see it now. They are the spoiled child who doesn't want to eat his broccoli. Fuck em is what I say. The ice cream that is Cliff Lee's arm is now in Texas mother fuckers. Have fun with that broccoli known as Javier Vasquez.
[Picture via AP]
Iowa defensive end and the awesomely named Broderick Binns was arrested last night in one of those mighty Midwest cornfields for DUI. Binns is only two weeks shy of his 21st which means he can drive drunk plenty of times without fear of being caught with a fake ID. It's the little things that count.
This is now the third alcohol-related incident in just over a month for the Hawkeyes football program. Moderation means nothing to these boys...
Binns’ arrest is the third alcohol-related infraction in just more than a month involving Hawkeye football players.
Sophomore running back Jewel Hampton and junior cornerback Jordan Morris-Bernstine were charged with public intoxication in early June. Hampton, 20, also was cited for being in a licensed liquor establishment after hours, in violation of Iowa City’s new 21-only ordinance that took effect June 1.
MLBTradeRumors is reporting that the New York Yankees are closing on a deal to acquire starting pitcher Cliff Lee from the Seattle Mariners for highly regarded and probably extremely overrated catching prospect Jesus Montero, second baseman David Adams, and lefty starter Zach McAllister.
Seriously?
The Yankees are getting away with murder here. Cliff Lee is one of the 5 best starters in the majors and is money come playoff time. Adding Lee to a rotation that already includes former Indians teammate C.C. Sabathia, Andy Pettitte, Phil Hughes, and AJ Burnett is just plain sickening. No team should be able to have much less afford all five of those starters in their rotation. In case you wondering, this move pretty much solidifies the Yankees as the odds on favorite to win the World Series this year.
I don't know what the Mariners are thinking with this move. Lee is a free agent after this season and yes they will lose him to someone else this offseason but they should be able to get more for him. He will be a Type A free agent which means you get two conditional first round draft picks if he signs elsewhere. This means you can get as good of prospects as Montero and Adams in the draft without handing over Lee on a silver platter for the pinstripes. The Twins apparently are willing to part with better prospects in OF Aaron Hicks, catcher Wilson Ramos, and another yet unnamed prospect. Why not make that deal?
With the acquisition of Lee this means the Yankees will look to trade starter Javier Vasquez to another contender. Vasquez has put up solid numbers everywhere he has played except in New York during his two stints there. With the way shit works in these trades don't be surprised if they trade him to Tampa for Longoria and Crawford.
Anywho, the Yankees got better again today because they can take on a $200 million plus payroll with the Lee trade. Good for them. Bad for baseball.
Now this how you build team unity. With a massive bar fight. Hell yeah!
The co-owner of a nightclub near the University of Tennessee campus said “seven to 10” Volunteers football players were involved in a fight at the establishment early Friday.
DeBusk said 18-year-old freshman receiver Da’Rick Rogers from Calhoun, Ga., was charged with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. DeBusk also said a bar patron was sent to a hospital after the fight.
According to the New Sentinel, DeBusk said Knoxville police officer Robert Capouellez was found unconscious on the street outside the bar after the fight around 2 a.m. DeBusk said the officer was not in uniform or on duty, and he was being treated for a head injury. A half-dozen other people were detained.
Rogers was the No. 9-ranked high school player in the country last year. He picked UT late in the recruiting process after being committed to Georgia for almost a year. According to reports, UT safety Darren Myles, defensive tackle Montori Hughes and receiver Denarius Moore were being questioned by police about the brawl.
Bar Knoxville co-owner Sandy Morton told the Times Free Press the fight started inside but spread outside, and it ended with an off-duty police officer knocked unconscious in Cumberland Avenue.
“Basically, it was a normal Thursday night — Thursday’s our big night,” Morton said. “We had all the UT football players come in. They’re on a first-name basis with my husband (and co-owner), and they get VIP status, which means they pay no cover at the door. We’ve never had a problem with them in the past, but tonight, apparently they had a falling out with another gentleman. I don’t know why. I don’t know what happened, but several of the guys started beating up the other customer. I want to guess there was seven to 10 guys beating up this one gentleman.
“All they said was these several gentlemen just started beating the tar out of this one,” she said. “There was blood. There was ripped shirts. It took pretty much all my security to get them out.”
I swear this is the last thing I will write about the egotistical, selfish piece of garbage known as "King" James. Cavs majority owner Dan Gilbert wrote an open letter to all the Cavalier fans last night and posted it on Cavs.com. In today's PC world where it is hard to get any true indication of one's feeling because of fear of legality issues and or fear of being mocked by the masses it is a pleasant sight to see Gilbert's words. He speaks from his heart and doesn't give a shit about the repercussions. This is the kind of owner I would want for my team.
Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;
As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.
This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his "decision" unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.
Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.
The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.
There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.
You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.
You have given so much and deserve so much more.
In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:
"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE"
You can take it to the bank.
If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.
Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.
Sorry, but that's simply not how it works.
This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown "chosen one" sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And "who" we would want them to grow-up to become.
But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called "curse" on Cleveland, Ohio.
The self-declared former "King" will be taking the "curse" with him down south. And until he does "right" by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.
Just watch.
Sleep well, Cleveland.
Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day....
I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:
DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue....
Dan Gilbert
Majority Owner
Cleveland Cavaliers
No doubt Gilbert is a very pissed off individual and he should be. He lost his #1 moneymaking employee without so much as a phone call to warn him. He like everyone else found out by watching "The Decision" on ESPN. Lebron turned his back on the whole state of Ohio last night. He spit on them and said he would rather go down South and win then stick it out with his home team. I can't wait to hear all about the garbage Gilbert has dealt with from James. He has a ton of dirt that never got exposed in Cleveland because the media loved him. That all changes now. Now we will get to see the true Lebron. The "Queen" Lebron.
[Photo via SportsBusinessDaily.com]
The Trojan Empire continues to crumble. Redshirt freshman safety Byron Moore is leaving just a few days after defensive end Malik Jackson decided to transfer to Tennessee...
Citing similar reasons to that of another USC deserter, Malik Jackson, Byron Moore has decided that his future is better served at an institution other than the University of Southern California.
Moore, a redshirt freshman defensive back out of Narbonne High School, had been in the mix for one of the starting safety positions vacated by former stalwarts Taylor Mays and Will Harris.
Unfortunately, the Trojans will have to look to other players to fill the void after Moore's father, Byron Moore, Sr., confirmed that his son would be seeking “a fresh start” elsewhere.
While many believed the decision to leave had more to do with the sanctions handed down by the NCAA, Moore's father reiterated that the move was not about the hot water in which the USC football program has found itself.
The news of Moore's departure comes just a few days after defensive lineman, Malik Jackson, citing a need for increased playing time as his reasoning, announced that he would be transferring and would become a member of coach Lane Kiffin's former team, the Tennessee Volunteers.
Take a deep breath. We are less than two months away from college football kicking off. Let it kick in. Stretch a little bit if you have to. Do some yoga. I won't tell. Praise the lord. No more bull shit talk about the NBA. I feel like I should apologize for even bringing up the whole free agency deal with you know who. We are going back to our bread and butter. It's what made SportsCrack.com the coolest website for people who don't want to work. That is right folks. We are going full force COLLEGE FUCKING FOOTBALL for at least the next 6 months. Sure we will sprinkle in some NFL, baseball, basketball, hockey, etc. to wet your nose but we all know the drug of choice is college football here. We got some previews of the upcoming season in the works and of course we have a ton of new t-shirts* just around the corner for all the fans out there (except USC, fuck em).
I figured I would start off the preseason talk with a video of West Virginia RB Noel Devine. He is one of the most exciting players in the college game and he has a good chance of carrying the Mountaineers to a BCS bowl game. Not that anybody really gives a shit outside the state lines. But nevertheless he deserves this video. The little smurf is like Neo. He doesn't see defenders. He just sees code.
*- 100% guaranteed to get you laid.
I wish I had something to say but I really don't. I mean wow. I got to admit I kind of laughed but then again I'm a degenerate blogger who lives in my mom's basement.
MEATLOAF!!!!!
IMAGE HT: TheBigLead
Just to save everyone the embarrassment that is tonight's "Lebron James ESPN Fellatio Special" I figured I would give you a heads up and tell you that multiple sources (my split personality, the mailman, the neighborhood drunk, and other various news outlets) are indicating Lebron will sign with the Miami Heat.
Lolifuckingdoo.
He will now join Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh to form the NBA's newest "Big Three." The Heat are now the odds-on favorite to win the Eastern Conference with three superstars all entering the peak of their careers. Good for them.
At least the Hawks signed Joe Johnson to a $119 million dollar deal. Brilliant idea by the Hawks front office by the way. JJ contract won't be a complete albatross on the franchise in two years when his career is all but over and no team will take his dead rotting carcass off their hands.
But anyways, enough with the Hawks. The Heat with Lebron, Wade, and Bosh will be nasty and should win 65 plus games a season on talent alone. Will they win championships? I think they could win a couple but they will still have their hands full with Orlando (who's going to match up with Dwight Howard) and the Lakers have a better all-around team from top to bottom than the Heat. Lebron could get a ring but it still won't put him up there with MJ much less Kobe.
Now the question remains: Which new teammate bangs Lebron's mom first? I'm going to go wildcard and go with Pat Riley. How else do you think they convinced him to sign in Miami? Pat has his ways.
You got to wait for the whole video. Trust me it gets pretty funny at the end when the inbred dog trainer freaks out...
Jobi learned by watching BP Oil just shit all over the Gulf.
Video HT: Extra Mustard
"LeBron James is planning to announce the team with which he will sign during a one-hour special on ESPN Thursday night, ESPN The Magazine's Chris Broussard has learned through independent sources."
