I have a hard time believing it but Brett Favre has apparently decided to retire. What is this, the 10th time?
Brett Favre has informed his Vikings teammates that he will not return for another season in Minnesota, the Star-Tribune reported Tuesday.
Favre has sent text messages to teammates saying, "This is it," league sources told ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter.
Neither Favre nor the Vikings have confirmed the news but a press release is expected Tuesday, the sources said.
"This is it eh!" Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Neither are fucking true and I have a hard time believing Favre is actually going to retire coming off the season he did last year. He was a legit Pro Bowler(4200 yards and 33 TD with only 7 INTs) and should have had the Vikings in the Super Bowl if he didn't pull another Favre and throw a late pick in the NFC Title game.
If he is retiring well then the Vikings are pretty much fucked. Tarvaris Jackson would now be their starting quarterback. The drop off is deeper than the Grand Canyon.
I hope it's true but I don't believe it. We have all been burned way too many times by Mr. Wrangler with this retirement BS. If it's true it helps the Atlanta Falcons enormously which I will be grateful. If it's not well then Favre can go fuck himself. And I mean that politely.
The above image of Damon Evans comes from the PigskinDoctors.com whom I'm pretty sure deserve an Academy Award, a Grammy, and a Nobel Peace Prize for one of the funniest fucking photoshops I have ever seen. I have been literally crying in laughter just staring at the panties on his head. Anyways thanks to Damon Evans losing his Athletic Director job to an unfortunate DUI a month ago Georgia has now gone up from #4 party school in the nation to #1 this year according to the Princeton Review. This honor definitely deserves a shirt. Come on Bulldog fans. Send me some ideas. So far I have come up with these:
-Party Like A Bulldog Today
-Party Like Damon Evans Today
-Drink Em!
-Athens: Beer Me Capital
I know they suck so please help me help you. You can email me your idea to matt@sportscrack.com. Whoever has the best idea gets $100 cold hard cash and some red panties.
Notre Dame linebacker Steve Filer has way too much athleticism to be sitting on the sideline this season. With Jon Tenuta gone I expect to see a lot of Filer crushing skulls on the football field this fall. I'm thinking you put him in on goal line and short yard situations and let him do his Lavar Arrington. You remember this right?
Oh and by the way Notre Dame is going to have some sick linebackers this season. Between Manti Te'o, Anthony McDonald, Brian Smith, Filer, Darius Fleming, Kerry Neal, and Carlo Calabrese among others I wouldn't be shocked to see at least 30 sacks from this group. They need a nickname. Any suggestions?
Kenny Motha f-ing Powers is invincible in his new K-Swiss shoes. I once had a pair of K-Swiss's in college. I wore them for about 2 weeks while working on the golf course. I stopped wearing them when I started walking like Forrest Gump. They were the most uncomfortable shoes I have ever worn. So fuck you Kenny Powers! I don't need your stinkin Gimp shoes.
By the way the K-Swiss people are brilliant. I might just now buy a pair of shoes if they unleash secret muscles I've never had. If Kenny Powers says it it must be true.
-Cardinals get Jake Westbrook in a three way (hot) deal with the Padres and Indians. Westbrook will instantly turn into a pitcher with a sub 2 ERA under Dave Duncan. Mark it down. Padres get Ryan Ludwick who should provide some pop. Indians get prospect Corey Kluber. No fucking clue who that is. If you do please go get laid. Now.
-Dodgers acquire Ted Lilly from the Cubs for Blake Dewitt.. Ted Lilly still sucks. Even in LA.
-Pirates get Chris Snyder from the Diamondbacks. Pirates and Diamondbacks still blow balls.
-Lance Berkman is about to get traded to the Yankees. Joy. Another high priced sub/rental player for the Yankees. Must be nice.
-The Braves are not doing shit. Well, I don't blame them. But I would still like to see them sit Troy Glaus for a while and let Freddie Freeman come up.
-The Orioles and Rays are in talks about Luke Scott or Will Ohman. I forgot to mention the Orioles hired Buck Showalter the other day. Peter Angelos is still the owner. This is why I forgot to mention it.
-Looks like Adam Dunn is staying in D.C. Too bad because he would be a great DH for the Rays or White Sox.
-Manny still in LA. White Sox tried to get him but no luck so far.
-Fuck baseball. The trade deadline is bull shit anyways. Teams can still make trades till August 31st as long as players clear waivers. Most all players clear waivers. Football season is one month from this weekend. FUCK YEAH!!!!!
So much for my prediction of Aaron Lynch being the next public verbal commitment to Notre Dame. Today Anthony Rabasa, a defensive end from Miami, FL who has received offers from Miami, Florida, and Florida State, pulled a somewhat stunner and has picked Notre Dame according to the Miami Herald.
Columbus defensive end Anthony Rabasa didn't need more than three days in South Bend, Indiana to realize he'd found the right place to go to college.
Rabasa, a 6-3, 235-pound defensive end, told The Miami Herald Friday he had committed to Notre Dame University. Rabasa, a first team All-Dade selection last year, had 80 tackles and 10 sacks to help Columbus win a district championship.
"I got up here and immediately I was blown away by the atmosphere up here,'' said Rabasa, who arrived at Notre Dame on an official visit Wednesday. "I love it. We're by Chicago, a great city like Miami and around here the people are all about Notre Dame football.''
Rabasa said he visited Miami, Florida State and Florida. But after his three days in Notre Dame, he said he probably would not take his remaining visit.
Rabasa, a 3.0 student, said he was excited to play for new Irish coach Brian Kelly, and a defensive scheme that will allow him to broaden his skills on defense.
"This is it for me,'' Rabasa said. "They have a whole new defense they're planning to run and it's going to be great because it will allow me to be more than just a pass rusher. I know this is the place where I want to be.''
I want to make love to Brian Kelly and his staff right now. Notre Dame just pulled a kid out of Miami at a position (defensive end) that is a huge need that they usually never fill. With another Florida defensive end in Lynch expected to announce his decision for Notre Dame tomorrow in South Bend it is as clear as day that the Irish are making a huge push for some of the best recruits in the South. All this despite having 3 consecutive awful seasons and a new coaching staff and if there were any doubts Kelly would have a hard time recruiting big time athletes...well...he has quickly extinguished those flames.
Rabasa is a 3 star prospect with a five star offer list. LSU and Nebraska were just some of the numerous other schools who offered the explosive defensive end. He should be able to compete for immediate playing time once he enrolls in 2011. Here are some highlights of Rabasa...
Notre Dame picked up another huge commitment today with the decision of 4 star tailback Justice Hayes out of Michigan to wear the Blue and Gold in 2011. Hayes is the #5 rated all-purpose back by Rivals.com and the #15 running back by Scout.com and is expected to excel in Brian Kelly's spread offense. He's a small type of back with good cutbacks and elusive feet who has excellent hands and should catch plenty of passes out of the backfield.
Hayes is a huge get for the Irish with seniors Armando Allen and Robert Hughes both graduating after this season. The rest of the tailback depth is redshirt freshman Cierre Wood (#6 rated RB by Rivals.com), junior Jonas Gray(#4 rated RB by Rivals.com), and true freshman Cameron Roberson(#17 rated RB by Rivals.com). As you can see the Fighting Irish will have plenty of talent at the tailback position but all of them are unproven at the collegiate level. Kelly loves to rotate his tailbacks in his quick strike offense so he can get fresh legs and Hayes will definitely provide a change of pace when it comes to his leaping ability. Check out this highlight where he leaps over three defenders...
Hayes is now the 13th commitment in Brian Kelly's first recruiting class at Notre Dame. He is the first offensive skill position player to commit in the class (TE Ben Koyack is on offense but not really a skill position) and is also tied for the highest rated prep player with Koyack and offensive lineman Matthew Hegarty. Kelly's current 2011 class consists primarily of linemen which if you have watched Notre Dame football for the past 10 years has been lacking in numbers and talent. Kelly and his staff are changing those numbers quickly.
So who is next for Notre Dame recruiting? Aaron Lynch, that's who. Lynch is a 4 star defensive end out of Florida who is visiting Notre Dame for the second time this weekend. He is another must get for the Irish. Expect him to commit soon. Lynch is a big time player with offers from Alabama, Auburn, Florida State, Ohio State, and Florida among many others. In my view he would be the biggest get for this class because the Irish have always had a hard time getting top notch defensive linemen. Especially out of the talent rich state of Florida.
Source: Oswalt has accepted deal. Astros waiting to hear back from Phillies. Happ and Gose part of package. http://go.philly.com/pzone 9 minutes ago via TweetDeck
magelb Matt Gelb
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. OH YEAH...FUCK! The Philadelphia Phillies just sent a very loud and clear message to the Atlanta Braves and the rest of the National League that they will not go quietly into the night. They intend to fight for a playoff spot till the very end. Riding a 7 game winning streak which has gotten them within 3.5 games of the Atlanta Braves and only a 1.5 of the Wildcard, acquiring Roy Oswalt is very similar to what they got last season in Cliff Lee. Oswalt is a money pitcher. His win-loss record maybe awful this year but that is more of a product of a bad team in the Astros. The guy can still put up great WHIP numbers and his ERA is still a very respectable mid 3's.
Now you have a rotation of Doc, Oswalt, and pretty boy Cole Hamels which come playoff time could be the best in the majors. Oswalt makes a shitload of money and the Phillies did have to give up promising starter J.A Happ and outfield prospect Anthony Gose. But then again Oswalt could be the difference in a playoff berth. Right now this looks like an excellent trade for the Phillies. They have the opportunity to pick up Oswalt's option for next year too if he pitches great down the stretch or they can deny the option and pick up draft picks. Very smart trade for the Phillies.
Now the question is do the Braves have an equal reaction on the trade front? I say bring up Freddie Freeman from AAA Gwinnett and put Troy Glaus on the disabled list to give him some rest and see what happens. Just a thought.
Last night at the Indians-Yankees game in Cleveland a fan decided to wear a Miami Heat Lebron James jersey into the upper deck just to throw a little salt into Cleveland's fresh wounds. Not surprisingly he was kicked out. It wasn't because of the jersey. It was because of the dick wearing the jersey. Seriously, tilting your hat like that will get you kicked out every single time. It's like some kind of white gang symbol. The gang being some boy band. Oh shit, just noticed it was a Buckeyes hat he was wearing. Totally legal ejection in my opinion. The guy wanted the attention and he got it. Now go dot your fucking I in your girlfriend. She seems like a classy one.
It takes a complete asshole to tell your head coach you are leaving school through a text message. Former Vol RB Bryce Brown should have been man enough to do it through Facebook. Right?
“Bryce left town without a face-to-face request (with UT football coach Derek Dooley) for a transfer,” a school official told the News Sentinel on Tuesday evening. “There’s still no news on where he wants to go.”
There has been considerable speculation that the consensus high school All-American running back from Wichita would transfer to Kansas State, where his older brother is now enrolled.
Brown, who was the No. 1 attraction in former UT coach Lane Kiffin’s 2009 recruiting class, didn’t take part in spring practice following Kiffin’s departure for the head-coaching job at Southern California and wasn’t expected to rejoin the team. But there was just enough doubt to make for an ongoing story.
The story continued Tuesday. Dooley addressed it at a local Rotary Club luncheon.
“I said (earlier) that I was open to Bryce coming back on the condition that he wanted to unpack his bags and put his heart into this program,” Dooley said. “I fully expect Bryce not to be on our team.
“The reason it has continued on is because Bryce has not come to me, looked me in the eye and said I want a release to so-and-so school. At some point, that’s got to happen.”
Brown, the #1 rated player coming out of Kansas in high school, left the good old fashion Lane Kiffin way. He pussed out. Losing Brown is a major blow to the Tennessee football program and new head coach Derek Dooley no matter how much they try to spin it. Brown as a true freshman tailback ran for 460 yards while also catching 10 passes for 137 yards out of the backfield. He was the primary backup to Montario Hardesty who rushed for 1345 yards. Now both of them are not at Tennessee. The Vols will now have no game experience at the tailback position. Ruh roh.
Tauren Poole is a sophomore with no experience and David Oku and Toney Williams are both true freshmen who will have a tough time picking up the speed of the college game at least for the early part of the season. The Volunteers could be historically bad this year with junior college transfer Matt Simms (oh fuck another Simms in college, hide the weed) looking like the early leader to be taking snaps behind center. They have to play Oregon, Florida, LSU, Georgia and Alabama within the first 7 weeks of the season. They should lose all of them.
Better yet they might not show up. They could just text SEC Commissioner Mike Silve: "We can't make it LOL."
Brown is no doubt a huge vagina for leaving in this manner which makes him a perfect fit at USC with Kiffin. Not only is he one of the most talented running backs in the college game but his transfer to USC would probably cause the media to explode with stories about how Kiffin loves to finger blast recruits with money and women and empty promises of future stardom. If there is a God he will make this happen. What can Brown do for USC? More sanctions.
It's time for the 9-7 Falcons to "Rise Up?" Ok. I actually don't mind the commercial as much as the whole "Rise Up" theme. They probably paid Samuel Jackson a cool million to do the commercial so they might as well make it exciting. Something that makes you feel like you are at a football game and not in church singing hymns. And where the fuck are the Matty Ice shirts? Those shirts alone get people jacked up for some Falcon's football. But no, not one Matty Ice shirt. They should have had Jackson playing Jules and Freddie the Falcon dressed up as Vincent Vega. Now that shit would have been cool. They could have reenacted scenes from Pulp Fiction and just replaced some of the characters with the mascots from the Carolina Panthers and Tampa Bay Bucanneers and Drew Brees birthmark/mole. The hamburger scene would have been perfect.
No worries though. The Falcons are winning the NFC South. The Saints will slip this year. Brees is too busy selling Pyramid schemes to those poor souls in New Orleans to realize Matt Ryan and the Falcons have reloaded. The offense will of course score a ton of points but the key is the defense. It should be greatly improved with new additions DL Peria Jerry, LB Sean Weatherspoon, and CB Dunta Robinson all destroying opponents. Falcons go 12-4, maybe 13-3.
TheRapUp posted this new Nike Ad which says it's okay to have some junk in the trunk. And you know what? I completely agree. Flat butts are boring. So I believe the point of this advertisement is to make all the skinny bean pole girls with no asses to feel really self conscious about their back door and go out and get butt implants to make themselves more curvy and attractive. Bravo Nike. Bravo. You did it again.
In honor of the big butts I present Kim Kardashian. Queen of the asses.
Those crazy Mormons. This is probably the wildest it gets at BYU. You know besides the massive polygamist cult orgies they have for orientation. There were over 3900 Cougars throwing water balloons at each other making it the largest water balloon fight in recorded history. I guess that is something to be proud of. And don't worry there were no black people injured because...well...you know why.
Martin Prado should have run for governor of Georgia. Ok so maybe he is Venezuelan and not a US Citizen but the guy speaks the truth. Nate McLouth does suck. McLouth is batting like .00000004 for the season. It's so bad I don't even want to bother looking it up. Everyone knows he can't hit but nobody has the balls to say it. Except for Martin Fucking Prado. This is why he is the MVP of the National League. Besides hitting upper deck home runs and being a team leader he preaches the truth. If Prado were GM he would send McLouth down to the minors and bring back Gregor Blanco. Thank you Prado for having the balls to speak your mind. Now go ahead and Nancy Kerrigan McLouth's knee.
Another sign the apocalypse is upon us: stupid lawsuits. The Tennessee Titans and former USC Trojan and current Titan's head coach Jeff Fisher got their panties in a bunch this weekend when they found out Lane Kiffin stole Titan's running backs coach Kennedy Pola to take over the USC offensive coordinator's job. Now the Titans are suing Kiffin and USC. No bull shit.
The Titans on Monday filed a lawsuit against the University of Southern Cal and head coach Lane Kiffinfor “maliciously” interfering with the contract of running backs coach Kennedy Pola.
The lawsuit was filed in Davidson County Chancery Court and it claims Pola breached his contract with the Titans after being induced by Kiffin. Pola, hired by the Titans in January, was hired by USC over the weekend as the school’s new offensive coordinator.
The lawsuit states “as a result of USC and Kiffin’s tortuous conduct, Tennessee (Titans) football has been damaged in an amount proven at trial.’’
Listen, I hate USC and Lane Kiffin as much as 99.9% of the rest of you but this lawsuit is fucking dumb. Fisher is mad at Kiffin because Kiffin never contacted him before offering the job to Pola. Usually it is polite to at least contact the other teams officials and ask for permission to offer a contract. It's kind of an unwritten rule in the coaching profession. What I don't get is the Titans getting all pissy about it. It's fucking Lane Kiffin. The guy is a fucking brat. Of course he isn't going to ask permission. Hell, Al Davis gave him a head coaching job at the age of 31. Kiffin is use to getting what he wants. He doesn't need Fisher's permission.
There is no need to waste taxpayers money on something this stupid. All coaches are replaceable and if the guy decided to leave then fuck him. Move on. The fact that the Titans are filing a lawsuit over a running backs coach leaving them just smells like rotten vagina. Kiffin maybe an asshole but Jeff Fisher is being a pussy and the Titans organization are a bunch of dicks for suing them over something so frivolous.
So in conclusion fuck all of them. I rest my case.
ExtraMustard has the amazing crash footage of two tractor trailers in Brazil. Holy balls! I had no idea the Brazilians loved tractor trailers. Do we have this shit here? I've seen truck racing but not tractor trucks. It's like a real life Transformers episode. No worries on the accident. Both drivers walked away.
I know what you are going to say before you even say it. "Holy shit, he did it again!"
That's right folks. We again designed one of the coolest mother fucking t-shirts on the planet. For only $17 you can pimp (aka Nick Saban) the new "Catholics Versus Convicts" shirt and show the world what you think about the ND-Miami series coming to Chicago in 2012. Just sporting this shirt is bound to get you A)Free High Fives B)Free Booze C)Free Boobs D)Free Food E)Free Smiles and F)Plenty of Attention. That is what SportsCrack.com tee shirts do for you. So go ahead and BUY ONE NOW and you can thank me later. Or now. Whatever.
I hope all of you degenerates have a very safe and disease free weekend. It's going to be hot as fuck so be sure to drink plenty of beer to stay dehydrated. I leave you with another highlight of the Orioles season. This one comes courtesy of pitcher Jake Arrieta. He seems to be right on target which is unfortunate for Carl Crawford...
If you have been wondering why haven't written much about the Orioles this season it is because they suck so bad it's not even worth mentioning. The Orioles have only won 30 games all season thanks to a horrible lineup that has been minus 2B Brian Roberts all season and one in which the Switch hitting Jesus known as Matt Wieters has looked like he has been nailed to the cross since leaving the minors. The pitching has been awful. Brian Matusz, Jake Arrieta, and Chris Tillman were suppose to be the next great cavalry of starting pitchers and all of them have struggled in the rough AL East. The season has been so bad that I am actually shocked when the Orioles are winning. At any point in the game.
Anyways, they haven't been worth mentioning until yesterday. Ty Wigginton helped his trade stock by going ape shit on the umpire and for good reason. The runner was clearly out. Pitching coach Rich Kranitz was ejected shortly after for arguing with the blues and then interim manager Juan Samuel went ballistic on the home umpire. Finally. They look like they actually care. Granted the Orioles still got shut out by Tom Selleck...I mean Carl Pavano, but they showed some heart out there and the crowd fed off it.
Unfortunately nothing is going to change the losing culture in Camden Yards until Peter Angelos sells the team. Angelos is no Steinbrenner. He's cheap. He's a piece of shit lawyer. And he pockets most of his money (granted he does give to charity). The losing will continue until he either gives up on life (and then they will probably go to his sons) or he decides to sell the team to someone who actually wants to invest in the product on the field. The team sucks in so many ways it's hard to just point out one thing. The scouting is awful. They need a lot more scouts who actually know what they are doing. The international signings are almost nonexistent. They need to bump up their presence in the Latin Countries like Dominican Republic and Venezuela. They also need to develop their minor league talent....badly. They also need to expand the payroll to around $120 million. The fans will come if you put a decent product on the field. Baltimore used to sell out every game when they rolling in the 90's. Now nobody will buy a ticket because the product on the field is shit.
