URBAN MEYER QUITS

It seems like we have been down this road before. Urban Meyer again cited health and family as the reason why he will quit (sounds better than "steps down" since he isn't taking a demotion) as the head football coach of the University of Florida effective immediately after the Outback Bowl on January 1st. This according to GatorZone....

“I have been a Division I football coach for the last 25 years and, during that time, my primary focus has been helping my teams win titles,” Meyer said. “I have thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it, and I am a fierce competitor to my core. At this time in my life, however, I appreciate the sacrifices my 24/7 profession has demanded of me, and I know it is time to put my focus on my family and life away from the field. The decision to step down was a difficult one.

“But after spending more than two decades motivating and celebrating the young men I’ve been so proud to coach, I relish the opportunity to cheer for my three terrific kids as they compete in their own respective sports. I know how fortunate I am to be in a position to make this choice and to have a family that is as loving and supportive as my amazing wife and children have always been.”

Of course we heard this last year when Meyer pulled his first Brett Favre and told the media he was going to "step down" and focus on his health and family. A few days later, actually hours later, he changed his mind and decided to come back to Gainesville. Without Tim Tebow and aided by the ineptitude of offensive coordinator Steve Addazio's play calling the Gators struggled to a 7-5 record this season. They got their asses handed to them by numerous teams including FSU and Alabama.

So now the question is who will replace the great Urban Meyer? Here are my three choices. You decide for yourself.

A) Dan Mullen
B) Dan Mullen
or
C) Dan Mullen

It will happen. Expect by the end of the week for current Mississippi State coach Dan Mullen to be named the successor to Meyer. He knows the landscape of the Swamp having coached there recently under Meyer and is familiar with UF Athletic Director Jeremy Foley. Losing Meyer hurts the Gators of course but Mullen is the best replacement possible. He should continue to bring in top recruits and win in Gainesville.

So in other words don't get your hopes up Georgia fans. Meyer may be gone but the Gators could be better coached next season with the same players back who beat you this past season.

Fuck.

THE DANNY WOODHEAD THANK YOU SONG

If you watched Hard Knocks this year you should be familiar with Division III runningback/white midget Danny Woodhead. Woodhead was a coaches favorite of Rex Ryan and his staff while in camp with the New York Jets. Unfortunately for the Jets they had roster cuts and with Tomlinson and Shonn Greene getting the majority of the snaps in the backfield there wasn't enough room to keep Woodhead. So he was cut. And the mastermind that is New England's Bill Belichick picked his ass up quickly. He already had one short white guy in Wes Welker crushing it up in Foxsboro so he figured why not give another little poor Caucasian a chance. After New England beat the shit out of the Jets on Monday night 45-3 it is clear as day: little white athletic guys win games. It's time to stop the stereotypes NFL. White guys are athletes too.

TRACY WOLFSON GUZZLES DOWN CAM NEWTON'S JUICE

Little sweet for her liking eh? Apparently CBS Sideline Reporter Tracy Wolfson had been waiting all day to guzzle some of Cam Newton's Cammy-Cam Juice with tremendous anticipation. Anytime you can get a chick to taste your juice on national television means you are a straight up pimp. P. I. M. P.

Oh and I apologize for the awful SEC Championship prediction. Auburn crushed the Cocks and will do the same in 35 days against the Ducks. The line started off yesterday at -2 in Oregon's favor but quickly changed to -3 for Auburn. I've already jumped all over the line. I just put my mortgage on it. I'm ready to guzzle the Cammy Cam juice.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL PICKS

OREGON (-17) AT OREGON STATE
I know it's the Civil War game and all but I don't see the Beavers hanging with the Ducks. In fact I think it's a blowout. Lamichael James goes for over 150 and the game is over by halftime.
Prediction: Scoregon 35 Beavers 14

AUBURN AT SOUTH CAROLINA (+5)
This is going to be a battle. A knockout drag out battle. It will come down to whoever has the ball last. Marcus Lattimore will come up huge for the Cocks and keep them in the game. In fact I think they will be leading late. But in the end Cam Newton will be too much and Auburn survives. Barely.
Prediction: Auburn 28 South Carolina 25

FLORIDA STATE (+4.5) AT VIRGINIA TECH
Just going on gut feeling here. I think we see the best performance from the Seminoles all season.
Prediction: FSU 24 Virginia Tech 17

NEBRASKA AT OKLAHOMA (-4)
Sooners in a blowout. No, not really but I think they got the better team right now. Landry Jones is going to throw for a ton of yards and minimum 3 TDs.
Prediction: Oklahoma 35 Nebraska 23

JOSH GROBAN SLAMS RICH RODRIGUEZ VIA TWITTER

Via Josh Groban's Twitter Feed comes this statement...

joshgroban: Coach Rodriguez, I'm very flattered but crying to You Raise Me Up is SO five years ago. #playwelcometothejungle
Posted 2 hours 3 min ago via Twitter

Damn it must suck balls to get dissed by Josh Groban of all people. If I was a Michigan fan and thank the Lord I'm not I would just go ahead and pull the trigger now. Go ahead and wrap that rope around your neck. You might as well take all those happy pills because your life is going to be a living hell with DickRod wearing Maize and Blue.

CATHOLICS USE TROJANS 20-16 SHIRT

I don't think this shirt needs much explanation. Clearly we agree with the progressive view of the Pope when it comes to Trojans. In fact last Saturday night I watched a group of Catholics completely destroy a bunch of dirty Trojans in the Coliseum. It was glorious. I know what you are thinking so don't even say it. I will say it for you. This is the coolest fucking shirt I have ever seen and it most certainly will get a laugh and will in all likelihood get me laid.

This is why I make SportsCrack shirts. For the laughs and constant sex games.

Order your shirt today!

Catholics Use Trojans 20-16 Shirt

HOST BLOWS TURKEY CALLER

What a natural! It's like she was just born to gobble up the....I'll stop now.

HT: Dave

RICH RODRIGUEZ IS A GAPING VAGINA WHO CRIES TO JOSH GROBAN SONGS

If Michigan needed any further proof that Rich Rodriguez is not a "Michigan man" and was looking for that last bullet to fire the guy besides his god awful 15-21 record since he stepped foot in Ann Arbor then last night he delivered it. He cried. Again. At a football banquet. In front of everybody. And made references to the Bible and Josh Groban as inspiration. Holy shit this guy is a complete dicknugget.

Michigan coach Rich Rodriguez fought back tears, talking about the toll his job has taken on his family, and used passages from the Bible and a Josh Groban song during an emotional address that closed the team's banquet.
"I truly want to be a Michigan man," he said Thursday.

You know who listens to Josh Groban and make references to the Bible? 10 year old girls who have just had their first period. Rodriguez is gradually moving from incompetent head football coach at a major university to becoming a woman. Congrats to Michigan on hiring a guy who hadn't even hit puberty yet.

It's time for Michigan to cut the cord here. The bleeding vagina can no longer be tolerated. But at least he has his Joshy Poo to listen to in this upcoming time of need...



What a fucking whore!

THIS SHIT CAN'T BE REAL: CAMERA IMPLANTED IN BACK OF THE HEAD

What the fuck? I thought professors just banged the shit out of their 20 year old co-eds but little did I know they were actually getting cameras put in their fucking head. My bad. I thought everything was kind of normal in this world besides politics and religion. Fuck I was wrong.

LEBRON JAMES PREGAME IN CLEVELAND

Since I completely missed the "Lebron's return to a franchise he carried for 7 seasons on his back" game including the all important pregame introduction I figured I would give you the chance to see the "electricity" of Cleveland. I honestly had no idea people cared this much about the NBA before tonight. This is in fucking Cleveland. Holy shit! Imagine if Dunkin Donuts left in the middle of the night like the Mayflower trucks in Baltimore. There would be looting, rioting, and pillaging in the streets right now. Drew Carey would shit in his pants.



I'm kind of disappointed. It's not like I was openly rooting for a Monica Seles moment but I wouldn't have minded one deranged fan getting tasered at center court. Give me something Cleveland. I guess they only do that kind of shit in Philadelphia. Oh well. This will probably be my one and only Cleveland post in the next 10 years. Thank god.

CAM NEWTON SONG 6'6 250

"Will Smith is getting edgy with age!" - quotes white balding male

UGA Making Changes After All

Though this isn't official, I've heard UGA is making a few changes to their program. From what I can gather, Joe Tereshinski will be taking over as the Director of the Strength and Conditioning Program and John Kasay Sr. will be hired as an assistant to Joe T. Thanks Seth for the rocking Bulldogs Blog and the insight into the program. Check out The Bulldogs Blog here for a more in depth look at the changes supposedly being implemented starting January 1, 2011.

NOTRE DAME SECURES THE PERFECT SPREAD QB IN EVERETT GOLSON

Notre Dame just landed their quarterback of the future with the commitment of Everett Golson who will also be an early enrollee next month. The last time Notre Dame landed an athletic dual threat quarterback from South Carolina was some guy named Tony Rice. You may have heard of him.

WPDE Sports has learned that Myrtle Beach quarterback Everett Golson has de-committed from the University of North Carolina and will play college football at Notre Dame. Notre Dame had a home visit with Golson on Wednesday and that was when the decision was made.

Golson was an early commitment to North Carolina during his junior year, but with NCAA sanctions looming, the Seahawks quarterback reopened his recruiting. He made an official visit to Notre Dame when the Fighting Irish upset Utah in November.

Golson was invited to the Nike Elite 11 Quarterback camp and is a finalist for South Carolina's Mister Football. He has 22 TD passes and just one INT in six games of action in his senior campaign. Golson suffered a leg and wrist injury in week two, but has returned to the Seahawks in the playoffs and has guided Myrtle Beach to the 3A state championship game for the third straight year.

Golson was a four year starter at Myrtle Beach. He stands a little over 6 feet (think more Drew Brees/Charlie Ward like) and is extremely quick and accurate with his throws. Plus he can run. Brian Kelly got the perfect QB for his system! My condolences go out to Georgia, Florida, South Carolina, Michigan, Ohio State, Stanford and North Carolina for losing out to Kelly on this kid.

NEED PROOF USC IS FULL OF SHITBIRDS? WELL THEN CHECK OUT TEAGUE EGAN

Hey brah, how fucking "crucial" is it to have cranberry juice as a chaser for Grey Goose? Jesus H. Christ, is this dickhead on his fucking period or does he just have a giant vagina written all over his face? And what is up with the fucking projection screen? You got a golf cart but you can't dish out some "1st Round Records" money on a plasma. What an asshole! The only thing cool this kid has in his "pad" is his kegerator. If you are in college it is essential to have one. And Valtrex.

This Teague Egan lad is the same kid who got USC RB Dillon Baxter in trouble for riding him around on his golf cart while handing out roofies, I mean brochures for his business. I'm actually kind of shocked Teague didn't have time to show us his rape room. Teague is the type of character Dexter enjoys giving a midnight ride on his Slice of Life charter. It's good to see the culture has changed so much at USC since they have been put on sanctions. You already have Athletic Director and President of the Ultimate Combover Club Pat Haden bitching about how Auburn got off in the Cam Newton fiasco and how it's not fair. It's hysterical since he has Lane Kiffin roaming the sidelines like a recently released pedophile in a windowless cargo van.

God damn USC makes me sick. I'm just glad Notre Dame whooped their ass and nobody on their campus actually gives a shit about the football program anymore. Even Will Ferrell is embarrassed to call himself a Trojan now. I'm pretty sure I saw him wearing one of those Scoregon shirts the other day.

Campus cribs video via The Big Lead

LEBRON JAMES RETURN TO CLEVELAND: THE ODDS

If you haven't heard Lebron Benedict Arnold James returns to Cleveland tonight with his barely .500 Miami Heat squad. It's the first time since Albert Belle returned with the White Sox that a player who was once revered by the home team is now clearly public enemy #1 in Cleveland. It should be interesting. Not really. It's regular season NBA action. It's about as relevant as Derek Jeter's Gold Gloves. Anyways here are some odds on his return in case you are interested in losing some money since investing in good old fashion hooker spit has been paying off for you lately.

These odds come via BoDog.com:

LeBron James Total Points vs. Cleveland: Over/Under 26.5
Will LeBron James have a physical altercation with a fan? Yes 30/1
Will LeBron James do his pregame chalk ritual: Yes 1/50
Matt Fairchild will actually watch any part of the game other than the pregame introductions: 1 billion/1

CAM NEWTON OFFICIALLY DECLARED ELIGIBLE

Image courtesy of AJC.com

According to NCAA.org Cam Newton has been cleared of all charges of impropriety by the NCAA and is free and clear to play. In other words you can stamp Cam Newton on the Heisman Trophy and give Auburn the National Championship in about...oh...5 weeks from now.

Here is the official release...

Auburn University football student-athlete Cam Newton is immediately eligible to compete, according to a decision today by the NCAA student-athlete reinstatement staff. The NCAA concluded on Monday that a violation of amateurism rules occurred, therefore Auburn University declared the student-athlete ineligible yesterday for violations of NCAA amateurism rules.

When a school discovers an NCAA rules violation has occurred, it must declare the student-athlete ineligible and may request the student-athlete’s eligibility be reinstated. Reinstatement decisions are made by the NCAA national office staff and can include conditions such as withholding from competition and repayment of extra benefits. Newton was reinstated without any conditions.

According to facts of the case agreed upon by Auburn University and the NCAA enforcement staff, the student-athlete’s father and an owner of a scouting service worked together to actively market the student-athlete as a part of a pay-for-play scenario in return for Newton’s commitment to attend college and play football. NCAA rules (Bylaw 12.3.3) do not allow individuals or entities to represent a prospective student-athlete for compensation to a school for an athletic scholarship.

In conjunction with the case, Auburn University has limited the access Newton’s father has to the athletics program and Mississippi State has disassociated the involved individual.

“The conduct of Cam Newton’s father and the involved individual is unacceptable and has no place in the SEC or in intercollegiate athletics,” said Mike Slive, Southeastern Conference Commissioner. “The actions taken by Auburn University and Mississippi State University make it clear this behavior will not be tolerated in the SEC.”

“Our members have established rules for a fair and equal recruitment of student-athletes, as well as to promote integrity in the recruiting process,” said Kevin Lennon, NCAA vice president for academic and membership affairs. “In determining how a violation impacts a student-athlete’s eligibility, we must consider the young person’s responsibility. Based on the information available to the reinstatement staff at this time, we do not have sufficient evidence that Cam Newton or anyone from Auburn was aware of this activity, which led to his reinstatement. From a student-athlete reinstatement perspective, Auburn University met its obligation under NCAA bylaw 14.11.1. Under this threshold, the student-athlete has not participated while ineligible.”

“We are pleased that the NCAA has agreed with our position that Cam Newton has been and continues to be eligible to play football at Auburn University,” Auburn University Director of Athletics Jay Jacobs said. “We appreciate the diligence and professionalism of the NCAA and its handling of this matter. “

During the reinstatement process, NCAA staff review each case on its own merits based on the specific facts. Staff decisions are made based on a number of factors including guidelines established by the Division I NCAA Committee on Student-Athlete Reinstatement, as well as any mitigating factors presented by the university.

Reinstatement decisions are independent of the NCAA enforcement process and typically are made once the facts of the student-athlete’s involvement are determined. The reinstatement process is likely to conclude prior to the close of an investigation. It is NCAA policy not to comment on current, pending or potential investigations.

There you go. Case closed. Nothing to see here. Moving on.

JUST CURIOUS, WHERE IS THE NATIONAL OUTRAGE OVER THE RANDY SHANNON FIRING?

From the AP...

His voice nearly cracking, Miami athletic director Kirby Hocutt somberly laid out some of the many reasons why Randy Shannon was right for the Hurricanes.
The academic success. Improved recruiting classes. His decades as part of the Miami family.
Then there were 22 reasons that Hocutt couldn't ignore — the games Miami lost under Shannon. In the end, those carried more weight than anything else.

I'm just going to go ahead and point out how ridiculous the media can be when it comes to issues such as racism. About 6 years ago Notre Dame got hammered by the media for firing head coach Tyrone Willingham after only 3 seasons. His record was about the same as Randy Shannon's in Miami and he graduated players too. But Notre Dame was blasted by media personalities such as John Saunders, Mike Wilbon, Mark May, and Jason Whitlock for firing a minority coach before his contract was up. The University of
Miami just did the same thing to Shannon. He took them to 3 bowl games in 4 seasons.

But you won't hear a peep about it because it doesn't involve Notre Dame.

Why is that you ask? Because those 4 media assholes I mentioned earlier now realize they were wrong about the Willingham firing. It had nothing to do with Willingham's skin pigmentation. It had everything to do with the L's on his resume. And the constant golf outings. And now they realize the Shannon firing had nothing to do with him being a minority coach or being able to run a clean program or graduate his kids. In the end all that matters is the wins and losses on your resume.

Unless you lock the son of an ESPN personality in a storage locker. All bets are off then.

BRUCE PEARL CALLS LANE KIFFIN A DUMBASS

From the mouth of Tennessee basketball coach Bruce Pearl to a crowd of people gathered at a Knoxville Quarterback Club:

"I've made mistakes, I clearly did, but what I was hoping for was that some other dumbass would get on the front page and take me off the hook,'' Pearl said. "I miss Lane Kiffin.''

Talk about delivering an all-time zinger. I mean wow. I didn't realize someone as sleazy as Pearl could be so damn funny. Outstanding.

ALABAMA'S LATEST CAM NEWTON "BUYING A TIGER" VIDEO

I gotta hand it to the Bammers out there. The video is funny and ironic. Just to think a Bama fan made it out of Wal-Mart alive to produce such a masterpiece is an accomplishment in itself. I can only imagine the amount of rumors we will hear leading up to Cam Newton winning the Heisman Trophy next week. And God forbid if Auburn actually wins the whole thing. Bama Nation would be on suicide watch.

THE NFL IS RIDICULOUS WITH THEIR FINES

JAMES HARRISON'S HIT ON RYAN FITZPATRICK EQUALS A $25,000 FINE


VERSUS

ANDRE JOHNSON'S RIPPING OFF THE HELMET AND PUNCHING AN OPPOSING PLAYER FACE EQUALS A $25,000 FINE


I guess I will it leave up to you the commentator what you view as the more malicious and deserving of a fine. The NFL is getting beyond ridiculous with their fines for players making clean tackles. Pittsburgh's James Harrison made a clean hit on Bill's QB Ryan Fitzpatrick just as he delivered the ball. Some will say he lead with his helmet but what the fuck is he suppose to do? Tackle with his black mamba? Texan's Andre Johnson deliberately ripped off Cortland Finnegan's helmet and punched the living shit out of him. I've heard Finnegan is a Grade A douchebag but how can you fine Harrison and Johnson the same amount when the intention was so different? Harrison I would argue is playing within the game. It's football and he was making a tackle. Unfortunately for him the NFL views any significant late hit on the QB as malicious even if it's a Buffalo QB. Johnson went berserk and should have been thrown out of the game.

Richard Seymour last week deliberately punched Ben Roethlisberger and yet he got fined only $25,000!


The NFL has their priorities all screwed up. This isn't hockey. If you punch someone deliberately you should be fined extensively and suspended. I'm talking a game's paycheck and not .5 of 1% of their yearly salary.

Or maybe the NFL knows that guys like Finnegan and Roethlisberger deserve a good punch every once in a while and will look the other way when it comes to supposedly "good guys" such as Andre Johnson and Richard Seymour deliver these punches. The NFL has set up their fine structure in terms of perception. Harrison's NFL perception is of a head hunter and even when he kisses the QB's vagina such as Fitzpatrick they are just waiting to fine him.