Granted you really can't see shit, well at least the important parts, of Kate Upton here in the magazine Muse (some fashion magazine bullshit) but that isn't going to stop me from posting it. It's my duty to get this young 19 year old that nobody has ever heard of some attention she deserves. I'm all about charity here folks. The charity of KAPOOW!
Kapoow=pageviews.
Via WWTDD
Great dunk and all Blake Griffin but I'm still pissed you couldn't cover the 9 vs the Nuggets last night. Sure you won by 8 but that doesn't do shit for me bro. You got to cover the spread before I start calling you a superstar. Yes the dunks are nice and you get hacked more often than Shaq did in his prime but if you want to be up there with the true legends you have to cover spreads for ole Fairchild. Jeremy Lin and the Knicks easily covered the 7 vs the Hawks last night. Mike Brey and his overachieving drunk leprechauns easily covered the 3 vs West Virginia last night too. If you want me to put you up on a pedestal like Brey and Lin then you gotta cover. Don't be a selfish asshole. Do it for me. Actually more importantly do it for my daughter. It's your fault I have to recycle diapers.
Thanks!
Degenerate
Is it bad that I raughed the whole time watching this Honey Badger-esque "Lintellect" video? Yeah I get it. I'm feeding into stereotypes about Asians being really good in arithmetic. We all know that's not wight.
Now go buy this Linsanity shirt!
Little Mizzou brat just showing up ESPN's own brat in Doug Gottlieb with the old fake polishing knobs move. Come on kid. You need some new material. Now go back to your meth lab and try not to blow up anything.
Notre Dame's 2012 class is finally done with the announcement that 5 star prospect Davonte Neal has signed after a day full of drama. Earlier today a press conference was scheduled inside Neal's elementary school where he was expected to announce his decision between Notre Dame and the home state Arizona Wildcats. Neal never showed up. FoxSportsArizona.com scrambled to give some good explanation of Neal's absence and the best they could come up with 3 weeks after National Signing Day is that Neal still had not made up his mind. Rumors surfaced there was a struggle between Neal's father who wanted him to go to Notre Dame and Davonte who wanted to stay close to home and go to Tucson.
At this point who knows what the truth is?
What we do know is Notre Dame just picked up a tremendous playmaker on offense who has the chance to make an immediate impact in the fall. On tape Neal reminds me a lot of Golden Tate when he came out of high school in Nashville. Both are around the 5'9, have good balance, great speed, and can break tackles with tremendous leg strength and are special teams standouts. For my money I think Neal will be the best player in Notre Dame's 2012 class. The kid has superstar written all over him and I would expect head coach Brian Kelly to use him immediately in much the same way he used Marty Gilyard at Cincinnati.
How would you like to be the guy in charge of dusting out the sand out of her vagina? Yeah I know. What a disgustingly degrading job that must be. Women don't know how easy they have it.
Apparently Bill Raftery's screaming basketball orgasm includes fetishes with onions. I don't know whether to laugh or hide in a corner. But one thing I do know is I love the passion Raftery displayed and with March Madness right around the corner I'm looking forward to some more "ONIONS!" and "SEND IT IN BIG FELLA!" calls.
Video via TheBigLead
I've been told to stop the video at the 1:57 mark. I don't know why. Can you tell me?
I'm kind of surprised Chris Paul isn't more cut up. Bar looks ok but I'm really disappointed in Paul. You are a professional athlete. You shouldn't have baby fat or love handles. I'm sure it doesn't matter as there is little doubt Paul has been penetrating the lane despite Bar's zone defense if you catch my drift. What I'm trying to say is they definitely fucked. Body language doesn't lie.
Video via Ball Don't Lie
Ok this is it for a while with the Jeremy Lin stuff. The kid again led the Knicks to their 7th consecutive win with 13 assists last night. You can see his confidence is through the roof right now as it should be. Carmelo better not fuck it up come Sunday. I got thousands of LINSANITY shirts on the line here ya know? Daycare, diapers, and scotch doesn't pay for itself so don't go ball hogging Melo.
Donate to the Fairchild family fund by buying a LINSANITY Shirt today. Or you can buy one of our other kickass shirts. Either way my kid and crumpled up liver would be thankful.
The SI cover girl is on a fucking rampage. Kate Upton could end wars. And probably start some. But anyway who gives a shit? Look at those dance moves! Just straight up killing it like Jeremy Lin.
This is turning into the best sports story in a long, long time. Jeremy Lin has gone from a player who wasn't recruited out of high school, wasn't drafted out of college, and was cut by two NBA teams to a NBA Legend. It's LINSANE! Last night Lin went for 27 points with 12 coming in the 4th quarter including this game winner 3 in the final second. It's a story of perseverance and ultimately it's the ultimate underdog story. Sort of like watching a real life Rudy. I'm not a New York fan by any means but I can't help but root for this kid. Lin is the guy that nobody gave a chance and now he is proving so many people wrong. It's a great story and I hope it continues.
Order your LINSANITY T-Shirt here...
Our "friends" Rosie Jones and Kaylee Carver would like to personally tell you Happy Valentine's Day. Now go open your presents. Remember kids...VD is the gift that keeps on giving.
Via Egotastic
Holy shit that was an unbelievable dunk from the Thunders Russell Westbrook and as you can tell by TNT announcers Reggie Miller and Chris Webber they had both dunkgasms. You usually don't witness or hear dunkgasms outside of Slam Dunk Contests so maybe this was a premature dunkgasm.
By the way the Thunder went on to lose to the lowly Kings. I know it doesn't really matter but when you have money on the Thunder winning it is kind of big fucking deal. Assholes.
Taking preorders now on LINSANITY Shirt. 100% pre shrunk charcoal cotton tee with distressed screen printed graphic on the front. Shirts start shipping February 13 so get your orders in today. Limited quantities.
I got to be completely honest with you. I have not been following much hockey this year. It still pains me to think we lost our team here in Atlanta because of shitty ownership. I guess it still hurts a lot. Scratch that. It hurts a fucking ton plus I don't have any team to root for. But what I can root for is sick goals and this one by Evgeni Malkin brings back fond memories of Denis Savard with the Blackhawks and Canadians.
Grantland.com has this hilarious open letter from the man, the myth, the legend himself Kenny Powers to some guy named Tim Tebow. I don't know, you may have heard of this Tebow fellow. After you are done reading it be sure to go out and buy a Subway foot long so Grantland.com can keep on blasting us with annoying ads.
As Yogi Berra famously said, "it's like Deja Vu came all over itself again."
The more I read about Tim Tebow, the more I see similarities to my own life story. Our story begins with a young mother- to-be who wants an abortion. Instead, she mans up and has the baby, giving birth to a son-child.
This special son-child makes a life out of bucking the odds. Though neither the strongest nor the fastest, he excels at sports. Many experts doubt the remarkable lad. They tell him he throws funny, and that he doesn't have the right physique for the game. It's science, they say. He'll only go so far.
But the Gifted Young Athlete refuses to let the doubters shit in his Wheaties. To hell with science. The Gifted Young Athlete knows that he has something stronger. He has God on his side. So he presses on and keeps a good attitude, and every time he beats the odds in life he proves the experts wrong.
Next thing you know, there are folks calling it a miracle. Maybe the Gifted Young Athlete is blessed by the Almighty, they say. Perhaps he really does have a fucking angel on his shoulder.
And suddenly the experts don't look like experts anymore. By now, our hero has upset a whole lot of people. There are those who simply don't like the idea of a man being favored by God. They feel his special relationship with Jesus diminishes their own somehow. If Jesus loves the Gifted Young Athlete, what does he think of the rest of us? Bunch of assholes?
So the haters multiply, and soon the resentment reaches a boiling point. And that's when the torches and pitchforks and long knives come out. Yes, the world is given a savior but they choose to crucify him instead. Who'd a thunk it? The same old fuckin' story.
Maybe that's why Jesus likes us so much to begin with. He sees a little of himself in there.
You see, Gifted Young Athlete, people look at us and they see all they don't have. It's like, "homeboy's over there gettin' 'er done! And Jesus loves him too! Fuck that guy."
But can you really blame them? Wouldn't you be pissed? Jesus helps us win at sports games, yet he's nowhere to be found when poor people need important medicine for their kid's infection, or when they're late on a mortgage payment. Think about it. There are folks in Africa who get AIDS without even being gay. Yet here Jesus is, helping me & Tebow out in sports, just because we're maybe a little bit cooler in his eyes. It's a raw deal, plain and simple. Even though he's hooking me up, I still see it's kind of a cocksucker move on Jesus's part.
But my advice to you, Mr. Tebow, from one Gifted Young Athlete to another: don't kill yourself trying to make sense of all the madness. Just hold on to your dick and have a good time. Believe me, it's all you can do. Make no apologies, either. Those are for weak people, and the haters will hate you anyway. It's not our fault we're awesome, playboy. It's Jesus's. As the gorgeous bitches in the makeup commercials used to say, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful."
God Bless.
Kenny Powers
Shelby, NC
New York Knicks rookie point guard and Harvard graduate Jeremy Lin (ladies calm down) completely crossed over the Wiz's John Wall last night and threw it down with author-ity in another remarkable game. Lin finished with 23 points and 10 assists in the 107-93 win over the Wizards. It won't approach Tebowing cult status but don't be surprised if LINSANITY takes over the NBA for the next couple of months. The Knicks and the NBA have needed a guy like this for a while. In his first 3 starts Lin has scored 25, 28, and now 23 points. If Lin keeps it up he could be one of the biggest superstars in basketball because he is a little guy who plays with emotion and also plays on the biggest stage in the Big Apple. LINSANITY has begun.
And yes a shirt is on the way.
